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(Cracked)   Think that children's cartoon are all sweet and innocent? Here are five horrifying details that are hidden in some classic cartoons   (cracked.com) divider line 83
    More: Scary, Care Bears, Little Mermaid, Thomas the Tank Engine, cartoons  
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20443 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 29 Apr 2013 at 3:44 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-29 03:13:35 PM
It's things like this that make people hate Cracked.
 
2013-04-29 03:15:59 PM
lh3.ggpht.com
/was reminded of this from last year
 
2013-04-29 03:36:19 PM
I don't get what the point of that was. I feel like they're advocating replacing Ariel with Namor, the Sub-mariner.

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-04-29 03:38:57 PM
Lame.  I was hoping for this kind of thing:

www.who-sucks.com
 
2013-04-29 03:47:36 PM
Editor of Cracked.com: Did everybody remember to use the word "horrifying, mind-blowing, or insane" today?

Staff: YES!!!

Editor of Cracked.com: Okay then, let's have a mind-blowingly good day!
 
2013-04-29 03:47:37 PM

AnotherBluesStringer: It's things like this that make people hate Cracked.


I generally like a good portion of Cracked's articles posted here, but yeah... this one was stretching.
 
2013-04-29 03:48:37 PM
FTFA:

The Care Bears are definitive proof that the writers of '80s kids' shows were still stoned from the '60s and '70s.

Um, they're all still stoned from the bowl they had for breakfast. Today.
 
2013-04-29 03:50:29 PM
Wizard magazine did an article about what they didn't show from Starblazers when they imported it to American. Two of the things I remember is they cut out people flying into space without space suits on after ships received damage and a planet where they fed their queen jelly made out of humans.

What they did show was the Wave Motion Gun obliterating planets.
 
2013-04-29 03:57:28 PM
H.R. Puffenstuff was more horrifying than anything in that article.
 
2013-04-29 04:01:16 PM

Wellon Dowd: H.R. Puffenstuff was more horrifying than anything in that article.


truth
 
2013-04-29 04:01:48 PM
The Ariel one was really the only valid one. I would think Flounder or Sebastian might have pointed the whole "genocide of our people" thing to Ariel at some point.

Though now that I think about it, the bigger question from the Little Mermaid sequels is "how well did the kingdom react to finding out their new queen was a former undersea mutant?"
 
2013-04-29 04:03:19 PM
Donald and his nephews are some kind of highly evolved duck-people, while the duck on the platter is just your run-of-the-mill edible kind, right?

How does the writer know that's a duck and not a turkey or a chicken? Just saying.

/Yes, they're all birds, but still
//We don't consider eating monkeys to be cannibalism, do we? My point exactly
 
2013-04-29 04:04:52 PM
I would have included the episode of Teen Titans where they start to get into the Trigon storyline. Slade is chasing Raven around town, ripping off her costume piece by piece until its almost gone, and then says "you can struggle all you want but this is going to happen". Then he throws her off the roof of a building and wishes her happy birthday. Pretty brutal for a kid's cartoon.

Bonus: Ron Perlman as the voice of Slade.
 
2013-04-29 04:06:27 PM
Maybe nothing particularly crazy, but going back and watching Rocko's Modern Life and Ren and Stimpy as an adult is always a hoot. So much adult humor; some of it cleverly hidden, some of it thrust right into your face (but over your childish head).
 
2013-04-29 04:07:03 PM

Strolpol: The Ariel one was really the only valid one. I would think Flounder or Sebastian might have pointed the whole "genocide of our people" thing to Ariel at some point.

Though now that I think about it, the bigger question from the Little Mermaid sequels is "how well did the kingdom react to finding out their new queen was a former undersea mutant?"


Ariel collected rusty forks.  That was her thing.  I'd bet that a stint or two in a mental rehab clinic and a painkiller addiction fell to the cutting room floor before Disney released it.
 
2013-04-29 04:09:10 PM
I was expecting more car rape

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zlYfW5JB5g
 
2013-04-29 04:10:47 PM
"Hehehehe... see sometimes you gotta take the pussy like Pepe."
www.dmvfollowers.com
 
2013-04-29 04:14:19 PM
img843.imageshack.us
 
2013-04-29 04:26:37 PM
Do you know what always freaked me out?
The Neighborhood of Make Believe.  Prince Friday was a freak and I used to have nightmares about him.  I think if I ever saw any of them in person, I would drop kick their creepy a$$es from here to Albuquerque!
 
2013-04-29 04:27:59 PM
Wellon Dowd:   H.R. Puffenstuff was more horrifying than anything in that article.

This.  I feel like I've just wasted two minutes of my life scrolling through that lameness.
 
2013-04-29 04:28:52 PM

Heamer: Maybe nothing particularly crazy, but going back and watching Rocko's Modern Life and Ren and Stimpy as an adult is always a hoot. So much adult humor; some of it cleverly hidden, some of it thrust right into your face (but over your childish head).


I'm glad they didn't trot out the same old crap from those shows though.  I've seen them on lists dozens of times.  Animanaics too.
 
2013-04-29 04:29:40 PM
Watch the 1953 version of Peter Pan. Lots of sexism and racism in that one. Tinkerbelle and her jealous rages. Pan was all about getting the next booty. I saw it the first time when I was about seven. No wonder I am now damaged goods.

/watched it last night
//pretty awesome, actually
///tick, tick, tick
 
2013-04-29 04:30:35 PM

B.L.Z. Bub: Donald and his nephews are some kind of highly evolved duck-people, while the duck on the platter is just your run-of-the-mill edible kind, right?

How does the writer know that's a duck and not a turkey or a chicken? Just saying.

/Yes, they're all birds, but still
//We don't consider eating monkeys to be cannibalism, do we? My point exactly




More like chimps, urangs, and gorillas.

Mmmmmmmm, baked gorilla.

/now I'm hungry
 
2013-04-29 04:31:12 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: [img843.imageshack.us image 460x385]


This!
 
2013-04-29 04:38:55 PM
I was expecting that creepy Mark Twain claymation with angel named Satan.
 
2013-04-29 04:40:27 PM

Evil Mackerel: I was expecting that creepy Mark Twain claymation with an angel named Satan.


FTFM
 
2013-04-29 04:43:25 PM
I watched The Care Bears recently when babysitting my friend's daughter and they really do care way too much. They need to back off. But they're still adorable and I want to hug them. Preferably while sliding down a cartoon rainbow.
 
2013-04-29 04:49:53 PM
They forgot that racist Yosemite Sam.

i306.photobucket.com

or that a mouse in a sombrero is insensitive to the Mexican people.

i306.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-29 04:51:21 PM
Strolpol: The Ariel one was really the only valid one. I would think Flounder or Sebastian might have pointed the whole "genocide of our people" thing to Ariel at some point.

I'd have to disagree with that.  It definitely the one that makes the least sense, actually.

Think about it: by necessity, all the subjects of her father's kingdom  would have to be eating each other on a daily basis, and in much vaster numbers than the humans from Eric's kingdom could ever manage.  Think of the 'Under The Sea' sequence: how many of those species flipping around singing were predators?  Lots.

You know Ariel's Bestest Fish Friend Forever (BFFF) Flounder?  Predator.  Eats crabs and mollusks like Sebastian.  Since Ariel has known him for years, that would be hundreds if not thousands of sentient beings he's had to devour just to stay alive, and would make him a mass murderer as well by the standard of the article as much as any human.

So it really makes sense that she wouldn't be traumatized at all the the humans ate seafood, sentient or not, and would probably only think its as natural as any part of the food chain out in the ocean.  It would be no greater 'genocide' than her own subjects commit against each other on a daily basis...
 
2013-04-29 04:59:03 PM
I'm surprised they never mention the "Timestop" episode of Land of the Lost.

Torchy the Dimetrodon persues Chaka the ape-kid across a geyser field, breaking the crust and sinking into the mud.

Kids are supposed to presume he drowned, horrible enough as it is, even though I was a kid I knew what happened when you broke the crust around a geyser: you boiled to death (I had gone to Yellowstone that year and was well aware what would happen to someone if they strayed off the wooden paths). And I was horrified to see/hear this because you can hear the boiling sound as Torchy screams and thrashes in the mud before he succumbs. You can see that he dies before his head goes under.

A truly disturbing piece of stop-motion animation on frikkin' Saturday morning! I don't know how that got past the censors, except maybe because they reverse time later and Torchy lives.

It's available on YouTube for those curious to see it for themselves (I can't link to it where I am now).

Anyone agree?
 
2013-04-29 04:59:19 PM
www.weirdwildrealm.com
 
2013-04-29 05:09:28 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: [img843.imageshack.us image 460x385]


*WHAP!*
"Arise!  Sir Loin of Beef!"
*WHAP!*
"Arise!  Quarter of Ten!"
*WHAP!*
"...Milk of Magnsia!"
*WHAP!*
*WHAP!*
*WHAP!*
(aside to the camera) "Lots of stamina."
 
2013-04-29 05:16:42 PM

peterthx: I'm surprised they never mention the "Timestop" episode of Land of the Lost.

Torchy the Dimetrodon persues Chaka the ape-kid across a geyser field, breaking the crust and sinking into the mud.

Kids are supposed to presume he drowned, horrible enough as it is, even though I was a kid I knew what happened when you broke the crust around a geyser: you boiled to death (I had gone to Yellowstone that year and was well aware what would happen to someone if they strayed off the wooden paths). And I was horrified to see/hear this because you can hear the boiling sound as Torchy screams and thrashes in the mud before he succumbs. You can see that he dies before his head goes under.

A truly disturbing piece of stop-motion animation on frikkin' Saturday morning! I don't know how that got past the censors, except maybe because they reverse time later and Torchy lives.

It's available on YouTube for those curious to see it for themselves (I can't link to it where I am now).

Anyone agree?


As someone with access to youtube I feel confident saying that however disturbing that is, it's kittens compared to typing "land of the lost torchy" and watching what comes up.
 
2013-04-29 05:25:45 PM

GalFriday: Do you know what always freaked me out?
The Neighborhood of Make Believe.  Prince Friday was a freak and I used to have nightmares about him.  I think if I ever saw any of them in person, I would drop kick their creepy a$$es from here to Albuquerque!


ME TOO!  I enjoyed Mister Rogers a lot, but was genuinely scared when that trolley showed up.
 
2013-04-29 05:32:07 PM

Wellon Dowd: H.R. Puffenstuff was more horrifying than anything in that article.


With a handle like yours, I would have thought you enjoyed anything concerning a magic flute.
 
2013-04-29 05:36:56 PM
I thought this was going to be about subliminal pictures or something. Instead I get a bunch of really far fetched "atrocities".
 
2013-04-29 06:21:22 PM
The Velveteen Rabbit... So very horrible...

My mother for some reason loved that book, and read it to me often. I hated it. My stuffed animals were my friends! They didn't need some stupid fairy to make them real, they were already real! And everyone knows that stuffed animals can think and feel and everything. (little kid thinking)

Then when I was six, I got scarlet fever, bad enough for a hospital stay. By that time it was cured pretty easily with antibiotics, only no one told me that. So there I was, dehydrated and cooking with fever, in a hospital crib (A CRIB! I was farking SIX!) picturing all my stuffed amimals... my FRIENDS... being burned up in the back yard. I can't even tell you what that felt like. I was hysterical; not rational enough to tell them what was wrong, so they could put my mind at ease. They blamed it on the fever, and I got a great big nitey nite shot, real quick.

Why yes, that was the origin of my hoarder tendencies. Although I've been able to overcome the worst of them, I still have each and every one of those stuffed friends, who of course were not burned up and were waiting in my bed to help me recover. They're packed away in my attic. And my children never, ever heard that evil tome. My mother kept buying them copies, which I kept losing, up until she passed. Sorry mom.
 
2013-04-29 06:22:20 PM
Also, the anthromorphic trains are creepy as hell. Stephen King was dead on with that one.
 
2013-04-29 06:55:38 PM
Strictly speaking, Little Mermaid 2 isn't canon.  If the guy can't get that right, I don't think I'll even bother with the rest of it.
 
2013-04-29 06:56:32 PM

namegoeshere: The Velveteen Rabbit... So very horrible...

My mother for some reason loved that book, and read it to me often. I hated it. My stuffed animals were my friends! They didn't need some stupid fairy to make them real, they were already real! And everyone knows that stuffed animals can think and feel and everything. (little kid thinking)

Then when I was six, I got scarlet fever, bad enough for a hospital stay. By that time it was cured pretty easily with antibiotics, only no one told me that. So there I was, dehydrated and cooking with fever, in a hospital crib (A CRIB! I was farking SIX!) picturing all my stuffed amimals... my FRIENDS... being burned up in the back yard. I can't even tell you what that felt like. I was hysterical; not rational enough to tell them what was wrong, so they could put my mind at ease. They blamed it on the fever, and I got a great big nitey nite shot, real quick.

Why yes, that was the origin of my hoarder tendencies. Although I've been able to overcome the worst of them, I still have each and every one of those stuffed friends, who of course were not burned up and were waiting in my bed to help me recover. They're packed away in my attic. And my children never, ever heard that evil tome. My mother kept buying them copies, which I kept losing, up until she passed. Sorry mom.


Jeebus Christ you act like its "The Giving Tree"!
 
2013-04-29 06:57:02 PM

Dhusk: You know Ariel's Bestest Fish Friend Forever (BFFF) Flounder?  Predator.  Eats crabs and mollusks like Sebastian.  Since Ariel has known him for years, that would be hundreds if not thousands of sentient beings he's had to devour just to stay alive,


So?  Do you not have any friends that are soldiers, or vote Republican, or are cops?

Occasionally or even regularly causing the death of sentient beings doesn't make you persona non grata in real-life human society, I don't see why it should be considered a source of horror in a society where there's an actual biological reason for it.

//For bonus points, in a society where everything is sentient the inherent value of sentience is basically nil, so why would a sentient death bother anyone in itself?  Like people, it's only tragic if its someone you know.
 
2013-04-29 07:09:44 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: namegoeshere: The Velveteen Rabbit... So very horrible...

My mother for some reason loved that book, and read it to me often. I hated it. My stuffed animals were my friends! They didn't need some stupid fairy to make them real, they were already real! And everyone knows that stuffed animals can think and feel and everything. (little kid thinking)

Then when I was six, I got scarlet fever, bad enough for a hospital stay. By that time it was cured pretty easily with antibiotics, only no one told me that. So there I was, dehydrated and cooking with fever, in a hospital crib (A CRIB! I was farking SIX!) picturing all my stuffed amimals... my FRIENDS... being burned up in the back yard. I can't even tell you what that felt like. I was hysterical; not rational enough to tell them what was wrong, so they could put my mind at ease. They blamed it on the fever, and I got a great big nitey nite shot, real quick.

Why yes, that was the origin of my hoarder tendencies. Although I've been able to overcome the worst of them, I still have each and every one of those stuffed friends, who of course were not burned up and were waiting in my bed to help me recover. They're packed away in my attic. And my children never, ever heard that evil tome. My mother kept buying them copies, which I kept losing, up until she passed. Sorry mom.

Jeebus Christ you act like its "The Giving Tree"!


**snort**
 
2013-04-29 07:19:51 PM

Evil Mackerel: I was expecting that creepy Mark Twain claymation with angel named Satan.


Oh in that case let's roll with The Bunyip from Dot and the Kangaroo
 
2013-04-29 07:25:53 PM
I think "Snoopy Come Home" was designed from the get-go as a way to psychologically harm children. Schulz must have either hated kids or was just simply on a sadistic streak with that movie. I saw it in a theater when it came out and my mom ended up taking me home before it was done because I was in near hysterics.
 
2013-04-29 07:36:15 PM

zappaisfrank: I think "Snoopy Come Home" was designed from the get-go as a way to psychologically harm children. Schulz must have either hated kids or was just simply on a sadistic streak with that movie. I saw it in a theater when it came out and my mom ended up taking me home before it was done because I was in near hysterics.


I liked that movie, especially how Snoopy was subjected to 'segregation'
 
2013-04-29 07:37:06 PM

zappaisfrank: I think "Snoopy Come Home" was designed from the get-go as a way to psychologically harm children. Schulz must have either hated kids or was just simply on a sadistic streak with that movie. I saw it in a theater when it came out and my mom ended up taking me home before it was done because I was in near hysterics.


Snooooopy, Snooooopy, Come home, snoopy come home...

No dogs allowed...

I loved Peanuts as a kid, but I just watched the baseball one again. Man, everyone Charlie Brown knows is a total dick.
 
2013-04-29 07:48:11 PM
It's not like the whole "humans eat fish" thing is never covered in the movie. Her father's whole reason for not wanting Ariel to have anything to do with the prince is because humans are despicable "fish eaters" to him.

Haven't seen that movie in years, but it's kinda hard to forget such a major plot point.

/Unless your the author of TFA
 
2013-04-29 07:50:26 PM

Fireproof: It's not like the whole "humans eat fish" thing is never covered in the movie. Her father's whole reason for not wanting Ariel to have anything to do with the prince is because humans are despicable "fish eaters" to him.

Haven't seen that movie in years, but it's kinda hard to forget such a major plot point.

/Unless your the author of TFA


So Ariel is a race traitor?
 
2013-04-29 07:51:01 PM
The velveteen rabbit?

namegoeshere: The Velveteen Rabbit... So very horrible...
 And my children never, ever heard that evil tome. My mother kept buying them copies, which I kept losing, up until she passed. Sorry mom.


Pitty. I'm a full grown man quite capable of steeling myself against emotional moments and that book makes me cry like a biatch.

I think you may have missed the point of that book almost as badly as the cracked writers.

Picking out holes in children stories is like kicking a drunk hobo in the nuts. Its not tough to do and it makes you feel like a BIG MAN. But everyone else thinks you look like an angry pathetic loser when you do it. Way to go cracked.
 
2013-04-29 07:53:55 PM

namegoeshere: zappaisfrank: I think "Snoopy Come Home" was designed from the get-go as a way to psychologically harm children. Schulz must have either hated kids or was just simply on a sadistic streak with that movie. I saw it in a theater when it came out and my mom ended up taking me home before it was done because I was in near hysterics.

Snooooopy, Snooooopy, Come home, snoopy come home...

No dogs allowed...

I loved Peanuts as a kid, but I just watched the baseball one again. Man, everyone Charlie Brown knows is a total dick.


I think Charlie Brown was a very likely candidate to go on a mass shooting spree one day. The way everyone picked on him was awful. They say Schulz based Lucy on his first wife, and if that's the case, the guy has my sympathies there.
 
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