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(BrianJones.com)   "10 ways to stop feeling guilty your friend is going to hell"   (brianjones.com) divider line 288
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15898 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Apr 2013 at 9:32 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-29 10:34:22 AM  
Well I can say this, without religion we'd all be bored as hell.
 
2013-04-29 10:35:00 AM  

WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.


So "growing up" means accepting fairy tales as truth?

Can I worship Santa instead?  He might actually give me something.
 
2013-04-29 10:35:11 AM  

odinsposse: The Green Intern: CSB time.

From my first day of school to the time I was old enough to get my school permit, I rode the bus with a girl who was the kindest, most open and tolerant person I'd ever met.  She got engaged to some born-again Christian guy and the next thing you know, she's saying things like "Schindler's list was sad, sure, but they're all going to hell anyway."  And then she invited me to meet up and catch up before the wedding.

Turns out she just wanted to pray for me and tell me she was worried I was going to hell.

/Hallmark doesn't make "You really need to get a divorce before it's too late" card.
//So I sent my own.

CSB counter:

I knew a very cool girl in high school. She married her high school sweetheart. They were both lapsed Catholics of the standard sort. Her husband joined the Air Force and converted to a weird fundamentalist  church, which I later learned happens a lot in the Air Force. She went with him for a while and tried to be a part of it but eventually couldn't stand it. They divorced and last I heard she had gone back to being awesome.


I have a retarded brother, the kind that makes the list I just posted a joke... he exemplifies what being a dick is, heck a dictionary that would have pictures would have his picture next to "dick"... but I stray...

The story is that this complete idiot is the type that jumps from one thing to another, all of them being the greatest thing in the world and how better he is than everyone for being part of "it".

So yes, he did the born-again christian thing... forced his wife (now ex) into it, and tried to get me (and my now ex) to see this, his way... so an afternoon of videos of these things, including the "Left behind" Kirk Cameron movie...

I laughed, made comments about it (in a casual funny way, not to insult, but still...)until he started to freak out and turned it off. He drove us home (didn't have a car at that point), and as he drops us, he comes out of the car and starts making a scene in the street about how bad "I" was, and then proceeded to smash his fist on his car yelling "You're so full of rage!!!!!" as I walked away and entered the apartment building.. didn't see him for 2 years...

Then accidentally met on a bus, where he apologized (yet again)... and I gave him yet another chance...

Anyways, he just kept jumping from one thing to another, and I just got sick (and beyond) of him and his crap...

The years have gone by and the more I learned about some things with the family, the more I learned that he's responsible for so much crap it's unbelievable.

When my father died, he refused to inform me (I was not in touch much with my father because of this ass), so I found out over a month later (he didn't inform anyone but a few, and did no service or anything) via the life insurance person that considered it wrong that the family wasn't informed, and I figured that the reason was that so he'd have time to rob the corpse clean (take the last few things my father had), rob my father's female companion of 15 years... etc.

My sister died about less than two years ago from cancer, again, not close to her because of him (but she wasn't right in the head either, but in a different way).  I spend the first (and last one of her life) day with her after about 15 years... and what followed? he took over the funeral (posing as "a friend" to the windower) and managed to make it about him as much as possible, and yup, he's back with a whole "religious side" via his "wife" (long story about women that he's use all his life).  THese was only two relatives that showed up and after his scene... they both left, not able to stand being in the same room as him.. (he used them too at some point).

If someone needs to rot and burn in hell... he's one of the top 3.
 
2013-04-29 10:37:32 AM  

Valiente: Well, if that's how you actually try to live, you are ahead of most monotheists of my acquaintance. Most of them veer in a narrow range between points marked "bigotry", "sanctimony" and "hypocrisy".

Pastor Dickhead is right about one thing: If his followers actually stuck to the program, they would have miserable lives as would the people around them they were constantly harrassing.


I've also been bigoted, and sanctimonious, and hypocritical. Hopefully less often now than I used to be.
 
2013-04-29 10:38:30 AM  

Langston: Those are lofty principles that I have tried to uphold. I do so with the knowledge that my faith is my own, and I accept that others will choose to believe as they will, even if they choose to believe only what can be shown and proven. This is their right and I respect that. I do not care that I am more or less correct than them, only that I live a life that benefits those around me.


I've been known to spew bile and vitriol at religion and believers, but I can respect you for this statement.  Now that I'm not an obnoxious teenage, I try to refrain from bile-spewing until someone pisses me off and earns it.  I can safely say that you will never earn it.  There need to be more people like you (and I should really be one of them).
 
2013-04-29 10:38:33 AM  
9. Every time the topic of hell comes up, bring up the example of the poor lonely native in Africa that's never heard the gospel, and how it would be horrible if God sent that person to hell. Then make sure you add, "That's not the God I choose to believe in." Because as we all know, if there actually is a Creator, he's too stupid to clearly communicate the way the world that he created works. And he definitely won't mind if you "create your own" version of reality.

So...he's saying that's exactly the kind of "loving God" he believes in then. This may be one of the most offensive things I've ever read of fark.
 
2013-04-29 10:39:29 AM  
I'm glad he didn't forget to talk about how important it was to give money to his church.  Cuz that's important in all religions.
 
2013-04-29 10:41:34 AM  

Queensowntalia: WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.

Don't be silly. We don't have time to sit around debating Christianity. We're much too busy eating babies.

/Sriracha goes well


Get it straight, dumbass. It's JEWS that eat babies - we Atheists(tm) eat roasted Jews.
And then we all freeze to death in the winter.
 
2013-04-29 10:42:50 AM  

Queensowntalia: WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.

Don't be silly. We don't have time to sit around debating Christianity. We're much too busy eating babies.

/Sriracha goes well


Oh, you're one of THOSE sorts of atheist, you worthless piece of trash.

Everyone knows the right choice is Tabasco.

/I want a schism all my own.
 
2013-04-29 10:43:01 AM  
doing a GIS for an african child going to hell and found this:

trollable.com

I laffed
 
2013-04-29 10:43:11 AM  
Pea soup * your mother sews socks that smell *  more pea soup  -Saturday Night Live
 
2013-04-29 10:43:16 AM  
"Organized religion is a sham and a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers. It tells people to go out and stick their noses in other people's business. "
  d.gr-assets.com
 
2013-04-29 10:43:35 AM  

DubtodaIll: Well I can say this, without religion we'd all be bored as hell.


I've never played a religious video game so I think we can refute this statement.  Just started playing the PC port of Brutal Legend, it is entertaining.
 
2013-04-29 10:44:33 AM  
2.bp.blogspot.com
Jesus, I like him very much, but he no help with curveball.
 
2013-04-29 10:45:09 AM  
We ain't a sharp species. We kill each other over arguments about what happens when you die, then fail to see the farking irony in that
 
Ant
2013-04-29 10:46:05 AM  

WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.


People with imaginary friends telling others to grow up?

/not a teenager, unfortunately/
 
2013-04-29 10:46:28 AM  

Carn: DubtodaIll: Well I can say this, without religion we'd all be bored as hell.

I've never played a religious video game so I think we can refute this statement.  Just started playing the PC port of Brutal Legend, it is entertaining.


Right, and nothing about music or mythology was ever promoted by religion.  I also got that PC port of Brutal Legend off that steam sale the other day, kinda fun but the controls are so clunky.
 
2013-04-29 10:46:44 AM  

YouSaidWhat: We ain't a sharp species. We kill each other over arguments about what happens when you die, then fail to see the farking irony in that


No irony, the dead ones were supposed to report back!
 
2013-04-29 10:47:06 AM  

I May Be Crazy But...: Oh, you're one of THOSE sorts of atheist, you worthless piece of trash.

Everyone knows the right choice is Tabasco.

/I want a schism all my own.


Tabasco is crap.  Louisiana or Crystal Hot Sauce FTW...
 
2013-04-29 10:47:09 AM  

Carn: DubtodaIll: Well I can say this, without religion we'd all be bored as hell.

I've never played a religious video game so I think we can refute this statement.  Just started playing the PC port of Brutal Legend, it is entertaining.


But discovering monotheism gives you such a boost, as long as you can build the Oracle and get your free tech.
 
Ant
2013-04-29 10:48:03 AM  

stuhayes2010: Even as a little kid I would look at these people and think "they really believe they're talking to someone who is there?  I just don't get it."  30 years later, I still don't get it.


I don't get it either. In fact, when they're waving their hands in the air and swaying like that, those people kind of creep me out.
 
2013-04-29 10:49:38 AM  
Buddhism makes no hard demands on your life? Mahayana Buddhism demands that you devote eternity to service of others.
 
2013-04-29 10:50:22 AM  
I should have looked at the thread first.

I thought it was going to be something funny, not everything that is pushing people away from Christianity.

Which is kinda funny really, but I don't like encouraging wannabe theocrats.
 
2013-04-29 10:51:22 AM  
And this is why atheists should go full douche on religion. These people need to be openly mocked and ridiculed of for their wild imaginations just like alien abduction and Sasquatch believers.
 
2013-04-29 10:51:44 AM  

DubtodaIll: Carn: DubtodaIll: Well I can say this, without religion we'd all be bored as hell.

I've never played a religious video game so I think we can refute this statement.  Just started playing the PC port of Brutal Legend, it is entertaining.

Right, and nothing about music or mythology was ever promoted by religion.  I also got that PC port of Brutal Legend off that steam sale the other day, kinda fun but the controls are so clunky.


The intro was the best part so far.  The game is ok, but Jack Black is funny.  Love Ozzy and Lemmy being in it.
 
2013-04-29 10:51:53 AM  

Ant: WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.

People with imaginary friends telling others to grow up?

/not a teenager, unfortunately/


I didn't become an atheist until I grew up and I'm definitely not a teenager.  I did dabble in several flavors of Christianity over my formative years (much to the consternation of my Catholic mother).  Attending a charismatic church for the first time was definitely eye-opening.  They are quite loony but definitely an entertaining group of god-botherers.
 
2013-04-29 10:53:35 AM  

God Is My Co-Pirate: Carn: DubtodaIll: Well I can say this, without religion we'd all be bored as hell.

I've never played a religious video game so I think we can refute this statement.  Just started playing the PC port of Brutal Legend, it is entertaining.

But discovering monotheism gives you such a boost, as long as you can build the Oracle and get your free tech.


Oracle is great but I love all the engineering wonders so I don't always get to build it.  Cumulative effect of more and more Great Engineers = all the wonders for meeee!  Except half the art ones since meh.
 
2013-04-29 10:56:32 AM  
to Judy- "why does my three year old need Sunday School?  She's a good kid, she doesn't do any thing wrong"
To me - It's not about religion, it's about control.
To Judy - I don't get it - she's three.  She does everything I ask her to.
To me - No, it's not about now, it's about later when you need to control her behavior
To Judy - ah, I see  .  .  .

So we decided that we would stop any religious activity toot - sweet and give her the choice of religions when she's out of her teen years, and our "control".
So far, the religious community isn't doing so well in her eyes.  Living right down to everyone's expectations.
 
2013-04-29 10:58:24 AM  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhG-tkQ_Q2w&autoplay=1Penn Jillette explains proselityzing quite well in this video. His take: if they really believe they can share eternal life and everlasting happiness, wouldn't they have to be heartless bastards to keep it to themselves and not share?
 
2013-04-29 10:58:28 AM  

Langston: Dear Mr. Jones:

I presume that you came to your faith through reading, reflection, and prayer. I too, spent a good amount of time reading, reflecting, and praying. Somehow, even though we both did the same thing, I heard a different call.

I did not hear a chorus of angels unraveling a singular path in front of me that led to a legion of evangelical Christian angels blowing trumpets over the burned corpses of false religions. I read a story a man who preached kindness, and gentleness, and forgiveness. Who told me that if a man stepped up and slapped me across my face, I should turn my other cheek to him. Who told me that if a thief robs me of my jacket, give him my shirt as well. Who told me to love my enemies and worship in private. Who loved those who sought him harm, not raising his hand to them as they punished, tortured and killed him.

Those are lofty principles that I have tried to uphold. I do so with the knowledge that my faith is my own, and I accept that others will choose to believe as they will, even if they choose to believe only what can be shown and proven. This is their right and I respect that. I do not care that I am more or less correct than them, only that I live a life that benefits those around me.

I hope that the structure of the universe is such that all of us in some way become better with experience, including a consciousness and knowledge that transcends death, and brings us closer to perfection. I hope that the structure of the universe is such that justice is meted out perfectly in time, that the poor may be comforted and the rich humbled. That the cruel ones feel and understand the pain they caused and the humble ones encouraged.

I cannot say what Christianity is. I only know what I want to become.


I cannot agree with your theology, sir - but i must concur with your philosophy. bravo.
 
2013-04-29 10:58:52 AM  

Marcintosh: to Judy- "why does my three year old need Sunday School?  She's a good kid, she doesn't do any thing wrong"
To me - It's not about religion, it's about control.
To Judy - I don't get it - she's three.  She does everything I ask her to.
To me - No, it's not about now, it's about later when you need to control her behavior
To Judy - ah, I see  .  .  .

So we decided that we would stop any religious activity toot - sweet and give her the choice of religions when she's out of her teen years, and our "control".
So far, the religious community isn't doing so well in her eyes.  Living right down to everyone's expectations.


If only there was some way to control the religious communities.......
 
2013-04-29 10:59:28 AM  
I could have saved that pastor a whole lot of time and effort, since his list could have been shortened to one item instead of ten: "Grow up. Stop believing that fairy tales are real and run your life."
 
2013-04-29 11:00:28 AM  
11. Realize that the concept of Hell is such a horrible thing that it CANNOT be reconciled with a God who is even remotely loving and just. Any Creator who would create it is inherently evil and does not deserve worship.
 
2013-04-29 11:00:36 AM  

WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.


That's what I say about Jews, Muslims, and dolphins. It's just a phrase, and they'll eventually learn that Christianity is the one true religion. Especially with information about Jesus being freely available on the internet.
 
2013-04-29 11:00:52 AM  
That was verily unreadable.
 
2013-04-29 11:01:55 AM  

Copperbelly watersnake: Buddhism makes no hard demands on your life? Mahayana Buddhism demands that you devote eternity to service of others.


Hippies ruined the Western view of Buddhism. When people think of Buddhism as a totally laid back religion that just about like, being part of the universe, they're really just thinking of the hippie view of things. They don't realize that Buddhists can be just as hardline and dickish as any other religion.
 
2013-04-29 11:02:22 AM  

wingnut396: I May Be Crazy But...: Oh, you're one of THOSE sorts of atheist, you worthless piece of trash.

Everyone knows the right choice is Tabasco.

/I want a schism all my own.

Tabasco is crap.  Louisiana or Crystal Hot Sauce FTW...


You all deserve to roast in hell.

Really?  Y'all are discussing eating babies with HOT SAUCE? Disgusting!

Slow-roasted baby with tomato-based BBQ sauce is where it's at.
 
2013-04-29 11:03:17 AM  

Cythraul: What the fark did I just read?


If you make it to the end, you get an advert.

FYI - The Kindle e-book version ofHell Is Real (But I Hate To Admit It) is on sale this week for $2.99! You can order itHERE. It's designed to help you re-kindle evangelistic urgency and give you practical steps for sharing your faith without getting weird.
 
2013-04-29 11:06:17 AM  
Because as we all know, if there actually is a Creator you read the bible, he's too stupid to clearly communicate the way the world that he created works.

FTFYahweh
 
2013-04-29 11:06:58 AM  
In related news, someone just posted on facebook that she is trying to fast but the devil is making their stomach growl.

*facepalm*

it makes me sad to see so many ppl have fallen victim to this cult and its nonsense.
 
2013-04-29 11:07:21 AM  

GilRuiz1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhG-tkQ_Q2w&autoplay=1Penn Jillette explains proselityzing quite well in this video. His take: if they really believe they can share eternal life and everlasting happiness, wouldn't they have to be heartless bastards to keep it to themselves and not share?


Understanding the behavior doesn't make it any less annoying.
 
2013-04-29 11:07:37 AM  

Parthenogenetic: wingnut396: I May Be Crazy But...: Oh, you're one of THOSE sorts of atheist, you worthless piece of trash.

Everyone knows the right choice is Tabasco.

/I want a schism all my own.

Tabasco is crap.  Louisiana or Crystal Hot Sauce FTW...

You all deserve to roast in hell.

Really?  Y'all are discussing eating babies with HOT SAUCE? Disgusting!

Slow-roasted baby with tomato-based BBQ sauce is where it's at.


Oh no. BBQ flamewars make religious flamewars look like trips to the petting zoo.  Next we're going to get some heathen coming in with the mustard and vinegar sauces and then there's nothing but flaming wreckage as far as the eye can see.

/nice garlicky red-wine braise for babies, I think.
 
2013-04-29 11:08:18 AM  

Ned Stark: This is why I don't like moderate religious people. You think I'm going to hell for all eternity to face unimaginable torture because I haven't done something as simple as accepting Jesus and you aren't gonna be at least a little pushy about it? Well screw you Jack. Ill talk to someone who hives a damn.


This.

There's really no good way to practice any religion with a message of exclusive salvation. The fundies are abhorrent hatemongers and terrorists, and the moderates are actually even worse, because they believe that their friends and family are going to hell and yet they don't care enough to sacrifice their popularity and "coolness" by evangelizing.
 
2013-04-29 11:08:48 AM  

odinsposse: Copperbelly watersnake: Buddhism makes no hard demands on your life? Mahayana Buddhism demands that you devote eternity to service of others.

Hippies ruined the Western view of Buddhism. When people think of Buddhism as a totally laid back religion that just about like, being part of the universe, they're really just thinking of the hippie view of things. They don't realize that Buddhists can be just as hardline and dickish as any other religion.


Or, as in Taiwan, a conservative political party with tons of power and $.
 
2013-04-29 11:09:46 AM  

E5bie: Is this guy for real, or is he another one of those militant atheists who mock fundamentalists by pretending to be a Christian a-hole?


I used to be a born again for 12 years. Believe me: this guy is very, very real. Even if by some chance this is satire, there are certainly people who literally believe this. I was one of them.
 
2013-04-29 11:11:37 AM  
The idea that people need to be saved by faith and not by works is one of the most immoral, toxic concepts in all of civilization. It puts blind fealty over any sort of action or ideals of how to help others. It presents a god who is cruel, capricious, and holds his creations to standards that have nothing to do with how they treat each other and everything to do with how they bolster its ego. Saying god loves you because he forgives you is like saying your marriage is going well because your husband doesn't break your jaw as long as you make his sandwiches just right.
 
2013-04-29 11:12:14 AM  

Parthenogenetic: wingnut396: I May Be Crazy But...: Oh, you're one of THOSE sorts of atheist, you worthless piece of trash.

Everyone knows the right choice is Tabasco.

/I want a schism all my own.

Tabasco is crap.  Louisiana or Crystal Hot Sauce FTW...

You all deserve to roast in hell.

Really?  Y'all are discussing eating babies with HOT SAUCE? Disgusting!

Slow-roasted baby with tomato-based BBQ sauce is where it's at.


I might be convinced to follow the screed of marinating them in tomatillo sauce, with some extra lime and olive oil.
 
2013-04-29 11:15:39 AM  

Langston: Dear Mr. Jones:

I presume that you came to your faith through reading, reflection, and prayer. I too, spent a good amount of time reading, reflecting, and praying. Somehow, even though we both did the same thing, I heard a different call.

I did not hear a chorus of angels unraveling a singular path in front of me that led to a legion of evangelical Christian angels blowing trumpets over the burned corpses of false religions. I read a story a man who preached kindness, and gentleness, and forgiveness. Who told me that if a man stepped up and slapped me across my face, I should turn my other cheek to him. Who told me that if a thief robs me of my jacket, give him my shirt as well. Who told me to love my enemies and worship in private. Who loved those who sought him harm, not raising his hand to them as they punished, tortured and killed him.

Those are lofty principles that I have tried to uphold. I do so with the knowledge that my faith is my own, and I accept that others will choose to believe as they will, even if they choose to believe only what can be shown and proven. This is their right and I respect that. I do not care that I am more or less correct than them, only that I live a life that benefits those around me.

I hope that the structure of the universe is such that all of us in some way become better with experience, including a consciousness and knowledge that transcends death, and brings us closer to perfection. I hope that the structure of the universe is such that justice is meted out perfectly in time, that the poor may be comforted and the rich humbled. That the cruel ones feel and understand the pain they caused and the humble ones encouraged.

I cannot say what Christianity is. I only know what I want to become.


Thank you! As a Christian who was raised in a fundamentalist/pentecostal mindset, I wish more Christians thought this way, instead of following the Religious Right that has dominated politics for the last thirty years, Pat Roberston, and pretty much anyone pushing creationism.  The Bible is a set of guidelines, stories, and a history of a people that archeologists are finding that is pretty much made up to try to justify a cohesive nation-state. Basing your entire world view around it and taking the words literally can pretty much skew how you see everything around you and your relationships with others.  If you truly believe that loved ones and friends are going to hell if they don't think like you do, you will find yourself tolerated by others, but not embraced.
 
2013-04-29 11:17:45 AM  

Bloody William: The idea that people need to be saved by faith and not by works is one of the most immoral, toxic concepts in all of civilization. It puts blind fealty over any sort of action or ideals of how to help others. It presents a god who is cruel, capricious, and holds his creations to standards that have nothing to do with how they treat each other and everything to do with how they bolster its ego. Saying god loves you because he forgives you is like saying your marriage is going well because your husband doesn't break your jaw as long as you make his sandwiches just right.


Yes but blind fealty fills collection plates much more efficiently than helping the poor.
 
2013-04-29 11:18:18 AM  
Damn, this is exactly the sort of advice that I wish most (vocal) Christians would take to heart...but is also one of the reasons why I can't see how a devout religious person and an atheist can be in a relationship. It's like on Seinfeld when Elaine was dating the guy and got upset that he didn't care that she was going to hell. Not that I have to worry about that since I can't take anyone who really believes I'm going to hell seriously enough to get into a relationship, but it would upset me a little if he didn't at least care.

It's sort of flattering when someone truly is concerned that you're going to hell - bonus points if they start crying about it - but the first person who really got worked up over my lack of salvation is the one who helped me cement in the realization that I'm a total atheist.
 
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