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(BrianJones.com)   "10 ways to stop feeling guilty your friend is going to hell"   (brianjones.com) divider line 288
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15891 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Apr 2013 at 9:32 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-29 08:14:45 AM
Wow...

Just...

wow.
 
2013-04-29 08:15:38 AM
What the fark did I just read?
 
2013-04-29 09:14:14 AM

Cythraul: What the fark did I just read?

 
2013-04-29 09:23:47 AM
1. Here's the easiest one: Stop being a part of a church

Hey wow, that was easy. Thanks, pastor.
 
2013-04-29 09:24:52 AM
Dear Mr. Jones:

I presume that you came to your faith through reading, reflection, and prayer. I too, spent a good amount of time reading, reflecting, and praying. Somehow, even though we both did the same thing, I heard a different call.

I did not hear a chorus of angels unraveling a singular path in front of me that led to a legion of evangelical Christian angels blowing trumpets over the burned corpses of false religions. I read a story a man who preached kindness, and gentleness, and forgiveness. Who told me that if a man stepped up and slapped me across my face, I should turn my other cheek to him. Who told me that if a thief robs me of my jacket, give him my shirt as well. Who told me to love my enemies and worship in private. Who loved those who sought him harm, not raising his hand to them as they punished, tortured and killed him.

Those are lofty principles that I have tried to uphold. I do so with the knowledge that my faith is my own, and I accept that others will choose to believe as they will, even if they choose to believe only what can be shown and proven. This is their right and I respect that. I do not care that I am more or less correct than them, only that I live a life that benefits those around me.

I hope that the structure of the universe is such that all of us in some way become better with experience, including a consciousness and knowledge that transcends death, and brings us closer to perfection. I hope that the structure of the universe is such that justice is meted out perfectly in time, that the poor may be comforted and the rich humbled. That the cruel ones feel and understand the pain they caused and the humble ones encouraged.

I cannot say what Christianity is. I only know what I want to become.
 
2013-04-29 09:34:48 AM
Keep evangelizing, soon you won't have any friends to feel guilty for.
 
2013-04-29 09:35:50 AM
I think Puddy had this conversation with Elaine.
 
2013-04-29 09:41:50 AM

Cythraul: What the fark did I just read?

 
2013-04-29 09:44:36 AM
I thought Brian Jones drowned back in '69.
 
2013-04-29 09:44:52 AM
Heaven for the climate, hell for the company.

/I'm expecting a Fark party
 
2013-04-29 09:45:02 AM
I wish that was serious advice from a real preacher that christians would all listen to.

/really
 
2013-04-29 09:45:53 AM

Langston: Dear Mr. Jones:

I presume that you came to your faith through reading, reflection, and prayer. I too, spent a good amount of time reading, reflecting, and praying. Somehow, even though we both did the same thing, I heard a different call.

I did not hear a chorus of angels unraveling a singular path in front of me that led to a legion of evangelical Christian angels blowing trumpets over the burned corpses of false religions. I read a story a man who preached kindness, and gentleness, and forgiveness. Who told me that if a man stepped up and slapped me across my face, I should turn my other cheek to him. Who told me that if a thief robs me of my jacket, give him my shirt as well. Who told me to love my enemies and worship in private. Who loved those who sought him harm, not raising his hand to them as they punished, tortured and killed him.

Those are lofty principles that I have tried to uphold. I do so with the knowledge that my faith is my own, and I accept that others will choose to believe as they will, even if they choose to believe only what can be shown and proven. This is their right and I respect that. I do not care that I am more or less correct than them, only that I live a life that benefits those around me.

I hope that the structure of the universe is such that all of us in some way become better with experience, including a consciousness and knowledge that transcends death, and brings us closer to perfection. I hope that the structure of the universe is such that justice is meted out perfectly in time, that the poor may be comforted and the rich humbled. That the cruel ones feel and understand the pain they caused and the humble ones encouraged.

I cannot say what Christianity is. I only know what I want to become.


That is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. Thanks for making my day and restoring a little bit of my faith in humanity.
 
2013-04-29 09:46:34 AM
What's it mean when all those points were apparently meant as sarcasm yet they were all completely accurate?

Actually, I could have saved the poor guy a lot of typing and distress.
Step 1:  Mind your own business.
Step 2: Goto 1.
 
2013-04-29 09:48:12 AM
This is why I don't like moderate religious people. You think I'm going to hell for all eternity to face unimaginable torture because I haven't done something as simple as accepting Jesus and you aren't gonna be at least a little pushy about it? Well screw you Jack. Ill talk to someone who hives a damn.
 
2013-04-29 09:49:49 AM
Stop reading the gospels in your daily time with God. Jesus constantly talked about the afterlife, especially hell. Let's be honest: it's pretty tiring to have to keep shielding your eyes fromthose verses while hunting for the gems that talk about how you can be happy and successful.

Oh, the irony.
 
2013-04-29 09:49:51 AM

mamoru: Cythraul: What the fark did I just read?


They just discovered sarcasm and this is the best they could do.
 
2013-04-29 09:50:11 AM
I can't figure out if this is serious, ironic, or double ironic trollish.
 
2013-04-29 09:50:17 AM
I'm planning on going to heck.

/It's not as bad as hell.
 
2013-04-29 09:50:24 AM
i.chzbgr.com
 
2013-04-29 09:52:29 AM
FTFA That would be creepy and fanatical.

Says it all right there.
 
2013-04-29 09:53:03 AM
Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

imageshack.us

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.
 
2013-04-29 09:53:06 AM
I don`t worry that my friend will go to hell. I would quite like the company.
 
2013-04-29 09:53:28 AM

Think 4D: That is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. Thanks for making my day and restoring a little bit of my faith in humanity.


Thank you. I'm happy I made your day a little bit better than it was before.
 
2013-04-29 09:53:36 AM
This is satire, right?
 
2013-04-29 09:53:37 AM
brianjones.com
Even as a little kid I would look at these people and think "they really believe they're talking to someone who is there?  I just don't get it."  30 years later, I still don't get it.  Sundays should be spent with friends and family, not handing money to a tax free organization.
 
2013-04-29 09:54:10 AM

Begoggle: I can't figure out if this is serious, ironic, or double ironic trollish.


double secret ironic trollish
 
2013-04-29 09:54:11 AM

ReverendJasen: What's it mean when all those points were apparently meant as sarcasm yet they were all completely accurate?

Actually, I could have saved the poor guy a lot of typing and distress.
Step 1:  Mind your own business.
Step 2: Goto 1.


If they were even capable.. just imagine a world like that.

/its a beautiful lie..
 
2013-04-29 09:54:36 AM

WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.


It's kind of like when gay men first come out of the closet, they go through a queeny phase, then most settle back down again.
 
2013-04-29 09:55:01 AM

stuhayes2010: [brianjones.com image 640x427]
Even as a little kid I would look at these people and think "they really believe they're talking to someone who is there?  I just don't get it."  30 years later, I still don't get it.  Sundays should be spent with friends and family, not handing money to a tax free organization.


In my experience, no good ever comes from "finding Jesus".
 
2013-04-29 09:55:53 AM
"7. Dabble in other religions, especially Buddhism. Buddhists are cool. You don't have to believe in God and there are no hard demands made on your life. Of course keep your Christian "cover" (most of your friends are Christians, and, quite frankly, it's good for business contacts), but don't let the Christianity thing go to your head. It's all pretty much the same thing. "

Yeah, damn straight... it's a lot of effort to learn how your friends and neighbors process and interpret subjective concepts like morals or ethics before berating them on a daily basis for not believing exactly the same crap your parents force-fed you as a child.
 
2013-04-29 09:56:13 AM
11. Live like Jesus commanded, loving everyone (including your enemies) as you love yourself, and bearing the Fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control) in such abundance that people ask you how it is that your light shines before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.

Or just threaten anybody who you don't like with eternal damnation where the fire burneth eternally, and the worm dieth not, beseeching them to be perfect, like you.  That'll work.
 
2013-04-29 09:56:14 AM
I bet he's a hit at Fark parties.
 
2013-04-29 09:56:43 AM
It really is astonishing to me that anyone can believe in the concept of a place of never ending torment. A place that a "loving god" condemns you to for the most trivial reasons.

This individualism culminated in the doctrine of the immortality of the individual soul, which was to enjoy hereafter endless bliss or endless woe according to circumstances. The circumstances upon which this momentous difference depended were somewhat curious. For example, if you died immediately after a priest had sprinkled water upon you while pronouncing certain words, you inherited eternal bliss; whereas, if after a long and virtuous life you happened to be struck by lightning at a moment when you were using bad language because you had broken a bootlace, you would inherit eternal torment. I do not say that the modern Protestant Christian believes this, nor even perhaps the modern Catholic Christian who has not been adequately instructed in theology; but I do say that this is the orthodox doctrine and was firmly believed until recent times. The Spaniards in Mexico and Peru used to baptize Indian infants and then immediately dash their brains out: by this means they secured that these infants went to Heaven. No orthodox Christian can find any logical reason for condemning their action, although all nowadays do so. In countless ways the doctrine of personal immortality in its Christian form has had disastrous effects upon morals, and the metaphysical separation of soul and body has had disastrous effects upon philosophy.

Has Religion Made Useful Contributions to Civilization?
 
2013-04-29 09:56:53 AM

stuhayes2010: [brianjones.com image 640x427]
Even as a little kid I would look at these people and think "they really believe they're talking to someone who is there?  I just don't get it."  30 years later, I still don't get it.  Sundays should be spent with friends and family, not handing money to a tax free organization.


They're doing both.
 
2013-04-29 09:58:06 AM
1. Accept the fact that if your 'faith' is able to define the rules about why you go to hell, you just might meet them there.  And then you won't need to feel guilty about it.

/goes to church regularly, but is not in a position to say who is and who isn't going to hell.
 
2013-04-29 09:58:14 AM

WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.


I'll grow up to be like you?
 
2013-04-29 09:58:21 AM

Ned Stark: This is why I don't like moderate religious people. You think I'm going to hell for all eternity to face unimaginable torture because I haven't done something as simple as accepting Jesus and you aren't gonna be at least a little pushy about it? Well screw you Jack. Ill talk to someone who hives a damn.


[inigo.jpg]

A moderate doesn't get all up in your business about the fundamentals of their religious beliefs. That's called something else.
 
2013-04-29 09:58:53 AM
CSB time.

From my first day of school to the time I was old enough to get my school permit, I rode the bus with a girl who was the kindest, most open and tolerant person I'd ever met.  She got engaged to some born-again Christian guy and the next thing you know, she's saying things like "Schindler's list was sad, sure, but they're all going to hell anyway."  And then she invited me to meet up and catch up before the wedding.

Turns out she just wanted to pray for me and tell me she was worried I was going to hell.

/Hallmark doesn't make "You really need to get a divorce before it's too late" card.
//So I sent my own.
 
2013-04-29 09:58:53 AM

Marcus Aurelius: stuhayes2010: [brianjones.com image 640x427]
Even as a little kid I would look at these people and think "they really believe they're talking to someone who is there?  I just don't get it."  30 years later, I still don't get it.  Sundays should be spent with friends and family, not handing money to a tax free organization.

In my experience, no good ever comes from "finding Jesus".


"When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Yahoo! We're rich! But it turned out to be something different." - Jack Handey
 
2013-04-29 09:58:54 AM
At first, I was like- hey a Christian that gets it...
 
2013-04-29 09:58:59 AM

WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.


Ummm ... the thread is about and article written by a pastor who is sarcastically chastising christians for not being annoying enough to non-believers.

How is this an atheist thread? Or is that your standard knee-jerk response to every story on religion ... "Those darn atheists might have a opinion on this story so I must be a good christian and call them teenagers before they even post anything!!".
 
2013-04-29 09:59:55 AM

EvilEgg: WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.

It's kind of like when gay men first come out of the closet, they go through a queeny phase, then most settle back down again.


Really? It's the opposite for me. I'm getting a little more queenish as the years go on.
 
2013-04-29 10:00:23 AM
Is this guy for real, or is he another one of those militant atheists who mock fundamentalists by pretending to be a Christian a-hole?
 
2013-04-29 10:00:29 AM

Think 4D: That is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. Thanks for making my day and restoring a little bit of my faith in humanity.


This, right here Langston

Not a Christian, but I can respect anyone who tries to make good with it.

/Deist
 
2013-04-29 10:00:29 AM

stuhayes2010: [brianjones.com image 640x427]
Even as a little kid I would look at these people and think "they really believe they're talking to someone who is there?  I just don't get it."  30 years later, I still don't get it.  Sundays should be spent with friends and family, not handing money to a tax free organization.

 
2013-04-29 10:01:06 AM

Cythraul: What the fark did I just read?


The screed of an arrogant c*unt. Both the pastor and the purported author of the Old Testament: "Abase yourself and toss My celestial salad or it's the lake of fire for you, puny mortal!"

Also, wasn't this last night's Simpsons episode? Is this guy the real life Flanders Lovejoy?

Also, he misspelled "Christianity". In my book of Obergruppenfuhrer's Big Book of Grammar, that's a flaming brimstone poker up the ass.

Not that there's anything ungodly about that.
 
2013-04-29 10:01:09 AM
Cythraul: "What the fark did I just read?"

Poe's Law, Exhibit A?
 
2013-04-29 10:01:12 AM

Langston: Dear Mr. Jones:

I presume that you came to your faith through reading, reflection, and prayer. I too, spent a good amount of time reading, reflecting, and praying. Somehow, even though we both did the same thing, I heard a different call.

I did not hear a chorus of angels unraveling a singular path in front of me that led to a legion of evangelical Christian angels blowing trumpets over the burned corpses of false religions. I read a story a man who preached kindness, and gentleness, and forgiveness. Who told me that if a man stepped up and slapped me across my face, I should turn my other cheek to him. Who told me that if a thief robs me of my jacket, give him my shirt as well. Who told me to love my enemies and worship in private. Who loved those who sought him harm, not raising his hand to them as they punished, tortured and killed him.

Those are lofty principles that I have tried to uphold. I do so with the knowledge that my faith is my own, and I accept that others will choose to believe as they will, even if they choose to believe only what can be shown and proven. This is their right and I respect that. I do not care that I am more or less correct than them, only that I live a life that benefits those around me.

I hope that the structure of the universe is such that all of us in some way become better with experience, including a consciousness and knowledge that transcends death, and brings us closer to perfection. I hope that the structure of the universe is such that justice is meted out perfectly in time, that the poor may be comforted and the rich humbled. That the cruel ones feel and understand the pain they caused and the humble ones encouraged.

I cannot say what Christianity is. I only know what I want to become.


You have just summed up pretty much everything I've tried to get across to people when they question my faith. Only, you did it so much more eloquently. Thank you for this.
 
2013-04-29 10:01:22 AM

Repo Man: It really is astonishing to me that anyone can believe in the concept of a place of never ending torment. A place that a "loving god" condemns you to for the most trivial reasons.


The classic version of hell is just not in God's presence.  It's not that you have red hot pokers up the ass (that came later).  But other than that, yeah. Why praise a God that is going to send you to hell for eating a hamburger on Friday?
 
2013-04-29 10:01:38 AM

Marcus Aurelius: In my experience, no good ever comes from "finding Jesus".


I must beg to differ. I found two Jesuses in front of the Home Depot. They helped me build my deck.
 
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