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(BrianJones.com)   "10 ways to stop feeling guilty your friend is going to hell"   (brianjones.com) divider line 288
    More: Amusing, pastors  
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15911 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Apr 2013 at 9:32 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-29 08:14:45 AM  
Wow...

Just...

wow.
 
2013-04-29 08:15:38 AM  
What the fark did I just read?
 
2013-04-29 09:14:14 AM  

Cythraul: What the fark did I just read?

 
2013-04-29 09:23:47 AM  
1. Here's the easiest one: Stop being a part of a church

Hey wow, that was easy. Thanks, pastor.
 
2013-04-29 09:24:52 AM  
Dear Mr. Jones:

I presume that you came to your faith through reading, reflection, and prayer. I too, spent a good amount of time reading, reflecting, and praying. Somehow, even though we both did the same thing, I heard a different call.

I did not hear a chorus of angels unraveling a singular path in front of me that led to a legion of evangelical Christian angels blowing trumpets over the burned corpses of false religions. I read a story a man who preached kindness, and gentleness, and forgiveness. Who told me that if a man stepped up and slapped me across my face, I should turn my other cheek to him. Who told me that if a thief robs me of my jacket, give him my shirt as well. Who told me to love my enemies and worship in private. Who loved those who sought him harm, not raising his hand to them as they punished, tortured and killed him.

Those are lofty principles that I have tried to uphold. I do so with the knowledge that my faith is my own, and I accept that others will choose to believe as they will, even if they choose to believe only what can be shown and proven. This is their right and I respect that. I do not care that I am more or less correct than them, only that I live a life that benefits those around me.

I hope that the structure of the universe is such that all of us in some way become better with experience, including a consciousness and knowledge that transcends death, and brings us closer to perfection. I hope that the structure of the universe is such that justice is meted out perfectly in time, that the poor may be comforted and the rich humbled. That the cruel ones feel and understand the pain they caused and the humble ones encouraged.

I cannot say what Christianity is. I only know what I want to become.
 
2013-04-29 09:34:48 AM  
Keep evangelizing, soon you won't have any friends to feel guilty for.
 
2013-04-29 09:35:50 AM  
I think Puddy had this conversation with Elaine.
 
2013-04-29 09:41:50 AM  

Cythraul: What the fark did I just read?

 
2013-04-29 09:44:36 AM  
I thought Brian Jones drowned back in '69.
 
2013-04-29 09:44:52 AM  
Heaven for the climate, hell for the company.

/I'm expecting a Fark party
 
2013-04-29 09:45:02 AM  
I wish that was serious advice from a real preacher that christians would all listen to.

/really
 
2013-04-29 09:45:53 AM  

Langston: Dear Mr. Jones:

I presume that you came to your faith through reading, reflection, and prayer. I too, spent a good amount of time reading, reflecting, and praying. Somehow, even though we both did the same thing, I heard a different call.

I did not hear a chorus of angels unraveling a singular path in front of me that led to a legion of evangelical Christian angels blowing trumpets over the burned corpses of false religions. I read a story a man who preached kindness, and gentleness, and forgiveness. Who told me that if a man stepped up and slapped me across my face, I should turn my other cheek to him. Who told me that if a thief robs me of my jacket, give him my shirt as well. Who told me to love my enemies and worship in private. Who loved those who sought him harm, not raising his hand to them as they punished, tortured and killed him.

Those are lofty principles that I have tried to uphold. I do so with the knowledge that my faith is my own, and I accept that others will choose to believe as they will, even if they choose to believe only what can be shown and proven. This is their right and I respect that. I do not care that I am more or less correct than them, only that I live a life that benefits those around me.

I hope that the structure of the universe is such that all of us in some way become better with experience, including a consciousness and knowledge that transcends death, and brings us closer to perfection. I hope that the structure of the universe is such that justice is meted out perfectly in time, that the poor may be comforted and the rich humbled. That the cruel ones feel and understand the pain they caused and the humble ones encouraged.

I cannot say what Christianity is. I only know what I want to become.


That is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. Thanks for making my day and restoring a little bit of my faith in humanity.
 
2013-04-29 09:46:34 AM  
What's it mean when all those points were apparently meant as sarcasm yet they were all completely accurate?

Actually, I could have saved the poor guy a lot of typing and distress.
Step 1:  Mind your own business.
Step 2: Goto 1.
 
2013-04-29 09:48:12 AM  
This is why I don't like moderate religious people. You think I'm going to hell for all eternity to face unimaginable torture because I haven't done something as simple as accepting Jesus and you aren't gonna be at least a little pushy about it? Well screw you Jack. Ill talk to someone who hives a damn.
 
2013-04-29 09:49:49 AM  
Stop reading the gospels in your daily time with God. Jesus constantly talked about the afterlife, especially hell. Let's be honest: it's pretty tiring to have to keep shielding your eyes fromthose verses while hunting for the gems that talk about how you can be happy and successful.

Oh, the irony.
 
2013-04-29 09:49:51 AM  

mamoru: Cythraul: What the fark did I just read?


They just discovered sarcasm and this is the best they could do.
 
2013-04-29 09:50:11 AM  
I can't figure out if this is serious, ironic, or double ironic trollish.
 
2013-04-29 09:50:17 AM  
I'm planning on going to heck.

/It's not as bad as hell.
 
2013-04-29 09:50:24 AM  
i.chzbgr.com
 
2013-04-29 09:52:29 AM  
FTFA That would be creepy and fanatical.

Says it all right there.
 
2013-04-29 09:53:03 AM  
Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

imageshack.us

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.
 
2013-04-29 09:53:06 AM  
I don`t worry that my friend will go to hell. I would quite like the company.
 
2013-04-29 09:53:28 AM  

Think 4D: That is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. Thanks for making my day and restoring a little bit of my faith in humanity.


Thank you. I'm happy I made your day a little bit better than it was before.
 
2013-04-29 09:53:36 AM  
This is satire, right?
 
2013-04-29 09:53:37 AM  
brianjones.com
Even as a little kid I would look at these people and think "they really believe they're talking to someone who is there?  I just don't get it."  30 years later, I still don't get it.  Sundays should be spent with friends and family, not handing money to a tax free organization.
 
2013-04-29 09:54:10 AM  

Begoggle: I can't figure out if this is serious, ironic, or double ironic trollish.


double secret ironic trollish
 
2013-04-29 09:54:11 AM  

ReverendJasen: What's it mean when all those points were apparently meant as sarcasm yet they were all completely accurate?

Actually, I could have saved the poor guy a lot of typing and distress.
Step 1:  Mind your own business.
Step 2: Goto 1.


If they were even capable.. just imagine a world like that.

/its a beautiful lie..
 
2013-04-29 09:54:36 AM  

WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.


It's kind of like when gay men first come out of the closet, they go through a queeny phase, then most settle back down again.
 
2013-04-29 09:55:01 AM  

stuhayes2010: [brianjones.com image 640x427]
Even as a little kid I would look at these people and think "they really believe they're talking to someone who is there?  I just don't get it."  30 years later, I still don't get it.  Sundays should be spent with friends and family, not handing money to a tax free organization.


In my experience, no good ever comes from "finding Jesus".
 
2013-04-29 09:55:53 AM  
"7. Dabble in other religions, especially Buddhism. Buddhists are cool. You don't have to believe in God and there are no hard demands made on your life. Of course keep your Christian "cover" (most of your friends are Christians, and, quite frankly, it's good for business contacts), but don't let the Christianity thing go to your head. It's all pretty much the same thing. "

Yeah, damn straight... it's a lot of effort to learn how your friends and neighbors process and interpret subjective concepts like morals or ethics before berating them on a daily basis for not believing exactly the same crap your parents force-fed you as a child.
 
2013-04-29 09:56:13 AM  
11. Live like Jesus commanded, loving everyone (including your enemies) as you love yourself, and bearing the Fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control) in such abundance that people ask you how it is that your light shines before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.

Or just threaten anybody who you don't like with eternal damnation where the fire burneth eternally, and the worm dieth not, beseeching them to be perfect, like you.  That'll work.
 
2013-04-29 09:56:14 AM  
I bet he's a hit at Fark parties.
 
2013-04-29 09:56:43 AM  
It really is astonishing to me that anyone can believe in the concept of a place of never ending torment. A place that a "loving god" condemns you to for the most trivial reasons.

This individualism culminated in the doctrine of the immortality of the individual soul, which was to enjoy hereafter endless bliss or endless woe according to circumstances. The circumstances upon which this momentous difference depended were somewhat curious. For example, if you died immediately after a priest had sprinkled water upon you while pronouncing certain words, you inherited eternal bliss; whereas, if after a long and virtuous life you happened to be struck by lightning at a moment when you were using bad language because you had broken a bootlace, you would inherit eternal torment. I do not say that the modern Protestant Christian believes this, nor even perhaps the modern Catholic Christian who has not been adequately instructed in theology; but I do say that this is the orthodox doctrine and was firmly believed until recent times. The Spaniards in Mexico and Peru used to baptize Indian infants and then immediately dash their brains out: by this means they secured that these infants went to Heaven. No orthodox Christian can find any logical reason for condemning their action, although all nowadays do so. In countless ways the doctrine of personal immortality in its Christian form has had disastrous effects upon morals, and the metaphysical separation of soul and body has had disastrous effects upon philosophy.

Has Religion Made Useful Contributions to Civilization?
 
2013-04-29 09:56:53 AM  

stuhayes2010: [brianjones.com image 640x427]
Even as a little kid I would look at these people and think "they really believe they're talking to someone who is there?  I just don't get it."  30 years later, I still don't get it.  Sundays should be spent with friends and family, not handing money to a tax free organization.


They're doing both.
 
2013-04-29 09:58:06 AM  
1. Accept the fact that if your 'faith' is able to define the rules about why you go to hell, you just might meet them there.  And then you won't need to feel guilty about it.

/goes to church regularly, but is not in a position to say who is and who isn't going to hell.
 
2013-04-29 09:58:14 AM  

WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.


I'll grow up to be like you?
 
2013-04-29 09:58:21 AM  

Ned Stark: This is why I don't like moderate religious people. You think I'm going to hell for all eternity to face unimaginable torture because I haven't done something as simple as accepting Jesus and you aren't gonna be at least a little pushy about it? Well screw you Jack. Ill talk to someone who hives a damn.


[inigo.jpg]

A moderate doesn't get all up in your business about the fundamentals of their religious beliefs. That's called something else.
 
2013-04-29 09:58:53 AM  
CSB time.

From my first day of school to the time I was old enough to get my school permit, I rode the bus with a girl who was the kindest, most open and tolerant person I'd ever met.  She got engaged to some born-again Christian guy and the next thing you know, she's saying things like "Schindler's list was sad, sure, but they're all going to hell anyway."  And then she invited me to meet up and catch up before the wedding.

Turns out she just wanted to pray for me and tell me she was worried I was going to hell.

/Hallmark doesn't make "You really need to get a divorce before it's too late" card.
//So I sent my own.
 
2013-04-29 09:58:53 AM  

Marcus Aurelius: stuhayes2010: [brianjones.com image 640x427]
Even as a little kid I would look at these people and think "they really believe they're talking to someone who is there?  I just don't get it."  30 years later, I still don't get it.  Sundays should be spent with friends and family, not handing money to a tax free organization.

In my experience, no good ever comes from "finding Jesus".


"When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Yahoo! We're rich! But it turned out to be something different." - Jack Handey
 
2013-04-29 09:58:54 AM  
At first, I was like- hey a Christian that gets it...
 
2013-04-29 09:58:59 AM  

WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.


Ummm ... the thread is about and article written by a pastor who is sarcastically chastising christians for not being annoying enough to non-believers.

How is this an atheist thread? Or is that your standard knee-jerk response to every story on religion ... "Those darn atheists might have a opinion on this story so I must be a good christian and call them teenagers before they even post anything!!".
 
2013-04-29 09:59:55 AM  

EvilEgg: WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.

It's kind of like when gay men first come out of the closet, they go through a queeny phase, then most settle back down again.


Really? It's the opposite for me. I'm getting a little more queenish as the years go on.
 
2013-04-29 10:00:23 AM  
Is this guy for real, or is he another one of those militant atheists who mock fundamentalists by pretending to be a Christian a-hole?
 
2013-04-29 10:00:29 AM  

Think 4D: That is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. Thanks for making my day and restoring a little bit of my faith in humanity.


This, right here Langston

Not a Christian, but I can respect anyone who tries to make good with it.

/Deist
 
2013-04-29 10:00:29 AM  

stuhayes2010: [brianjones.com image 640x427]
Even as a little kid I would look at these people and think "they really believe they're talking to someone who is there?  I just don't get it."  30 years later, I still don't get it.  Sundays should be spent with friends and family, not handing money to a tax free organization.

 
2013-04-29 10:01:06 AM  

Cythraul: What the fark did I just read?


The screed of an arrogant c*unt. Both the pastor and the purported author of the Old Testament: "Abase yourself and toss My celestial salad or it's the lake of fire for you, puny mortal!"

Also, wasn't this last night's Simpsons episode? Is this guy the real life Flanders Lovejoy?

Also, he misspelled "Christianity". In my book of Obergruppenfuhrer's Big Book of Grammar, that's a flaming brimstone poker up the ass.

Not that there's anything ungodly about that.
 
2013-04-29 10:01:09 AM  
Cythraul: "What the fark did I just read?"

Poe's Law, Exhibit A?
 
2013-04-29 10:01:12 AM  

Langston: Dear Mr. Jones:

I presume that you came to your faith through reading, reflection, and prayer. I too, spent a good amount of time reading, reflecting, and praying. Somehow, even though we both did the same thing, I heard a different call.

I did not hear a chorus of angels unraveling a singular path in front of me that led to a legion of evangelical Christian angels blowing trumpets over the burned corpses of false religions. I read a story a man who preached kindness, and gentleness, and forgiveness. Who told me that if a man stepped up and slapped me across my face, I should turn my other cheek to him. Who told me that if a thief robs me of my jacket, give him my shirt as well. Who told me to love my enemies and worship in private. Who loved those who sought him harm, not raising his hand to them as they punished, tortured and killed him.

Those are lofty principles that I have tried to uphold. I do so with the knowledge that my faith is my own, and I accept that others will choose to believe as they will, even if they choose to believe only what can be shown and proven. This is their right and I respect that. I do not care that I am more or less correct than them, only that I live a life that benefits those around me.

I hope that the structure of the universe is such that all of us in some way become better with experience, including a consciousness and knowledge that transcends death, and brings us closer to perfection. I hope that the structure of the universe is such that justice is meted out perfectly in time, that the poor may be comforted and the rich humbled. That the cruel ones feel and understand the pain they caused and the humble ones encouraged.

I cannot say what Christianity is. I only know what I want to become.


You have just summed up pretty much everything I've tried to get across to people when they question my faith. Only, you did it so much more eloquently. Thank you for this.
 
2013-04-29 10:01:22 AM  

Repo Man: It really is astonishing to me that anyone can believe in the concept of a place of never ending torment. A place that a "loving god" condemns you to for the most trivial reasons.


The classic version of hell is just not in God's presence.  It's not that you have red hot pokers up the ass (that came later).  But other than that, yeah. Why praise a God that is going to send you to hell for eating a hamburger on Friday?
 
2013-04-29 10:01:38 AM  

Marcus Aurelius: In my experience, no good ever comes from "finding Jesus".


I must beg to differ. I found two Jesuses in front of the Home Depot. They helped me build my deck.
 
2013-04-29 10:01:56 AM  

Repo Man: It really is astonishing to me that anyone can believe in the concept of a place of never ending torment. A place that a "loving god" condemns you to for the most trivial reasons.


I heard it isn't really that bad.  Sure there's torture but there are regular coffee breaks and every Wednesday evening is bowling night.
 
2013-04-29 10:02:12 AM  
Can't view it here, could somebody please repost, or is it too long?
 
2013-04-29 10:02:21 AM  
Jesus constantly talked about the afterlife, especially hell.

*sigh*
He also had a problem with self-righteousness, but you didn't let that stop you now, did it?
 
2013-04-29 10:02:38 AM  

Langston: Dear Mr. Jones:

I presume that you came to your faith through reading, reflection, and prayer. I too, spent a good amount of time reading, reflecting, and praying. Somehow, even though we both did the same thing, I heard a different call.

I did not hear a chorus of angels unraveling a singular path in front of me that led to a legion of evangelical Christian angels blowing trumpets over the burned corpses of false religions. I read a story a man who preached kindness, and gentleness, and forgiveness. Who told me that if a man stepped up and slapped me across my face, I should turn my other cheek to him. Who told me that if a thief robs me of my jacket, give him my shirt as well. Who told me to love my enemies and worship in private. Who loved those who sought him harm, not raising his hand to them as they punished, tortured and killed him.

Those are lofty principles that I have tried to uphold. I do so with the knowledge that my faith is my own, and I accept that others will choose to believe as they will, even if they choose to believe only what can be shown and proven. This is their right and I respect that. I do not care that I am more or less correct than them, only that I live a life that benefits those around me.

I hope that the structure of the universe is such that all of us in some way become better with experience, including a consciousness and knowledge that transcends death, and brings us closer to perfection. I hope that the structure of the universe is such that justice is meted out perfectly in time, that the poor may be comforted and the rich humbled. That the cruel ones feel and understand the pain they caused and the humble ones encouraged.

I cannot say what Christianity is. I only know what I want to become.


Stop being a religious person I could consider reasonable enough to buy a pint!

IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.

/seriously, nice chunk o' writing, bro.
 
2013-04-29 10:03:04 AM  

Dr Dreidel: Ned Stark: This is why I don't like moderate religious people. You think I'm going to hell for all eternity to face unimaginable torture because I haven't done something as simple as accepting Jesus and you aren't gonna be at least a little pushy about it? Well screw you Jack. Ill talk to someone who hives a damn.

[inigo.jpg]

A moderate doesn't get all up in your business about the fundamentals of their religious beliefs. That's called something else.


[that's the joke.jpg]

If you really, truly believed that everyone was doomed to spend eternity in Sheol, and that the simple act of accepting forgiveness from Jesus would prevent that, you would be preaching the Gospel night and day to anybody within earshot.

He's making fun of the apathetic Christian who professes to believe what is espoused in the Apostle's Creed, yet won't bother with trying to act on it because it is inconvenient and potentially embarassing.
 
2013-04-29 10:03:07 AM  

Cythraul: EvilEgg: WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.

It's kind of like when gay men first come out of the closet, they go through a queeny phase, then most settle back down again.

Really? It's the opposite for me. I'm getting a little more queenish as the years go on.


Maybe it's just my friends.  I guess three data points may not make a study.
 
2013-04-29 10:03:17 AM  

Dr Dreidel: Ned Stark: This is why I don't like moderate religious people. You think I'm going to hell for all eternity to face unimaginable torture because I haven't done something as simple as accepting Jesus and you aren't gonna be at least a little pushy about it? Well screw you Jack. Ill talk to someone who hives a damn.

[inigo.jpg]

A moderate doesn't get all up in your business about the fundamentals of their religious beliefs. That's called something else.


Yes, that's what I'm saying.
 
2013-04-29 10:03:36 AM  
When I was a Christian, I (along with all my Christian friends) used to do this. When someone would die that you knew wasn't "saved", one of the first things we would say is "I just can't stand the thought of him/her not being in heaven". Isn't that sick? That's the most IMPORTANT thing we could think about when someone passed?? UGH. I'm so glad I don't live that life anymore.
 
2013-04-29 10:03:50 AM  
*did you?*

/sleepy sinner
 
2013-04-29 10:04:33 AM  

stuhayes2010: [brianjones.com image 640x427]
Even as a little kid I would look at these people and think "they really believe they're talking to someone who is there?  I just don't get it."  30 years later, I still don't get it.  Sundays should be spent with friends and family sleeping off Saturday night's hangover until well after noon, not handing money to a tax free organization.


I have corrected your error.

/That is how everyone spends their Sundays, correct?
 
2013-04-29 10:04:35 AM  

WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.


And become a jihadist, right? It's the American way.
 
2013-04-29 10:04:37 AM  
Passive Aggressive Pastor is passive aggressive.
 
2013-04-29 10:05:00 AM  
Religion is a lot like alcohol, it's only good in moderation.
 
2013-04-29 10:05:58 AM  

Repo Man: It really is astonishing to me that anyone can believe in the concept of a place of never ending torment. A place that a "loving god" condemns you to for the most trivial reasons.



I am not a believer but if I did there is no way that I would worship a god that would punish you for an infinite amount of torment for a finite number of sins.

I would not worship a god that is supposed to be all powerful yet allows such torment to exist.

I would fear such a being.  I might even obey it, out of fear.  But I would not love it.
 
2013-04-29 10:06:19 AM  
I'm going to hell and I'm OK with that. When I was younger I saw the Exorcist and at one point the demon looks at the priest and says, "your mother does acts of perversion in hell."  So hell might be bad but they get recreation breaks
 
2013-04-29 10:06:47 AM  
Why would I go to your Hell if I don't believe in your Heaven?
 
2013-04-29 10:07:33 AM  

Cheron: When I was younger I saw the Exorcist and at one point the demon looks at the priest and says, "your mother does acts of perversion in hell."


Hmm. Did you see the edited tv version?
 
2013-04-29 10:07:52 AM  

E5bie: Is this guy for real, or is he another one of those militant atheists who mock fundamentalists by pretending to be a Christian a-hole?


It's a hell of a faint and thin line, ain't it? Like Jerry Lewis as The Clown Who Cried, I'm unsure how to laugh, why or even if.
 
2013-04-29 10:08:05 AM  

abfalter: I am not a believer but if I did there is no way that I would worship a god that would punish you for an infinite amount of torment for a finite number of sins.


It is just how he shows his infinite love ... with infinite suffering for one mistake.

/seems fair to me
 
2013-04-29 10:08:12 AM  

WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.


Well, the important thing is that you've found a way to tell yourself that you are superior to everyone involved. Not that you have to exactly be a genius to take that away from the typical Fark thread.
 
2013-04-29 10:08:52 AM  

God Is My Co-Pirate: Can't view it here, could somebody please repost, or is it too long?


OK, fine.  It's probably not technically "fair use", but if the author is truly a Christian, he would not object to reproducing it here, unaltered (including links), and without disparaging commentary in this post.  After all, someone might read it, and have the fire of the Holy Spirit kindled within his/her soul, right?

1. Here's the easiest one: Stop being a part of a church that "irritatingly" teaches the Bible, especially the parts that make you feel bad for the low number of times you have personally shared your faith. After all, the purpose of going to church is just to make you feel good. Right?

2. Find a church that makes you feel like you're doing evangelism, but never actually encourages you to do it. Usually this falls under the heading of "getting involved in giving back to the community." Because that's why Jesus died on the cross. So we could "give back to the community."

3. Never, under any circumstances, pray for your non-Christian friends to accept Christ. At least not more than once. That would be creepy and fanatical.

4. Stop reading the gospels in your daily time with God. Jesus constantly talked about the afterlife, especially hell. Let's be honest: it's pretty tiring to have to keep shielding your eyes from those verses while hunting for the gems that talk about how you can be happy and successful.

5. Lie to yourself when you feel a twinge of guilt for not sharing your faith by repeating the phrase: "Evangelism is God's (and my pastor's) job. My job is to be a good example."

6. Justify your lack of evangelism by telling yourself that you're trying to not be like the creepy fundamentalists who come on too strong. Like the nuts on Facebook or that crazy church who sent people to your door recently. Because in every other area of your life, of course you stop doing important things because other people take things a little too far.

7. Dabble in other religions, especially Buddhism. Buddhists are cool. You don't have to believe in God and there are no hard demands made on your life. Of course keep your Christian "cover" (most of your friends are Christians, and, quite frankly, it's good for business contacts), but don't let the Christainity thing go to your head. It's all pretty much the same thing.

8. Stop being so deeply involved in your church. And for the love of God, stop giving to your church. Let other people do that. Stop drinking the Kool-Aid. Money will eventually drop out of the sky to create and nurture ministries that build up believers and reach non-Christians. Other people will pay for the awesome stuff the church does for your kids. Let other people sacrifice. You spend that hard-earned money on yourself.

9. Every time the topic of hell comes up, bring up the example of the poor lonely native in Africa that's never heard the gospel, and how it would be horrible if God sent that person to hell. Then make sure you add, "That's not the God I choose to believe in." Because as we all know, if there actually is a Creator, he's too stupid to clearly communicate the way the world that he created works. And he definitely won't mind if you "create your own" version of reality.

10. Completely block out of your mind the scene of your friend standing before God on judgment day. And the fact when he or she looks back on all the time they spent with you they'll wonder how in the world you justified not doing everything within your power to nudge them back toward God. Yes, you talked about football, politics, golf, and the Kardashian sisters. But talking about Jesus would have been out of line. I get it. You don't need that on your conscience. Block it out. You have too much stress in your life as it is. Just do the Buddhist thing and block it all out. Turn on some Jimmy Buffet. And stick to dreaming about your summer vacation.
 
2013-04-29 10:09:18 AM  
I'll give him one.

FTA: "Evangelism is God's (and my pastor's) job. My job is to be a good example."

Every religious person who refuses to abide by this should have it tattooed in mirror image on their forehead.  I respect your right to have your beliefs.  I don't want to hear about them.  If you try to convert me, I'll consider myself in imminent danger from a mentally unbalanced person.  I live in a "Stand Your Ground" state too.
 
2013-04-29 10:09:39 AM  
2. Find a church that makes you feel like you're doing evangelism, but never actually encourages you to do it. Usually this falls under the heading of "getting involved in giving back to the community." Because that's why Jesus died on the cross. So we could "give back to the community."

Problem with this is their idea of "getting involved in giving back to the community" is jst saying "sending prayers" when something bad happens. Cause getting off your ass and actually doing something is hard.
 
2013-04-29 10:10:34 AM  

God Is My Co-Pirate: Can't view it here, could somebody please repost, or is it too long?


TFA: 10 Ways To Stop Feeling Guilty Your Friend Is Going To Hell
1. Here's the easiest one: Stop being a part of a church that "irritatingly" teaches the Bible, especially the parts that make you feel bad for the low number of times you have personally shared your faith. After all, the purpose of going to church is just to make you feel good. Right?
2. Find a church that makes you feel like you're doing evangelism, but never actually encourages you to do it. Usually this falls under the heading of "getting involved in giving back to the community." Because that's why Jesus died on the cross. So we could "give back to the community."
3. Never, under any circumstances, pray for your non-Christian friends to accept Christ. At least not more than once. That would be creepy and fanatical.
4. Stop reading the gospels in your daily time with God. Jesus constantly talked about the afterlife, especially hell. Let's be honest: it's pretty tiring to have to keep shielding your eyes from those verses while hunting for the gems that talk about how you can be happy and successful.
5. Lie to yourself when you feel a twinge of guilt for not sharing your faith by repeating the phrase: "Evangelism is God's (and my pastor's) job. My job is to be a good example."
6. Justify your lack of evangelism by telling yourself that you're trying to not be like the creepy fundamentalists who come on too strong. Like the nuts on Facebook or that crazy church who sent people to your door recently. Because in every other area of your life, of course you stop doing important things because other people take things a little too far.
7. Dabble in other religions, especially Buddhism. Buddhists are cool. You don't have to believe in God and there are no hard demands made on your life. Of course keep your Christian "cover" (most of your friends are Christians, and, quite frankly, it's good for business contacts), but don't let the Christainity thing go to your head. It's all pretty much the same thing.
8. Stop being so deeply involved in your church. And for the love of God, stop giving to your church. Let other people do that. Stop drinking the Kool-Aid. Money will eventually drop out of the sky to create and nurture ministries that build up believers and reach non-Christians. Other people will pay for the awesome stuff the church does for your kids. Let other people sacrifice. You spend that hard-earned money on yourself.
9. Every time the topic of hell comes up, bring up the example of the poor lonely native in Africa that's never heard the gospel, and how it would be horrible if God sent that person to hell. Then make sure you add, "That's not the God I choose to believe in." Because as we all know, if there actually is a Creator, he's too stupid to clearly communicate the way the world that he created works. And he definitely won't mind if you "create your own" version of reality.
10. Completely block out of your mind the scene of your friend standing before God on judgment day. And the fact when he or she looks back on all the time they spent with you they'll wonder how in the world you justified not doing everything within your power to nudge them back toward God. Yes, you talked about football, politics, golf, and the Kardashian sisters. But talking about Jesus would have been out of line. I get it. You don't need that on your conscience. Block it out. You have too much stress in your life as it is. Just do the Buddhist thing and block it all out. Turn on some Jimmy Buffet. And stick to dreaming about your summer vacation.
 
2013-04-29 10:11:44 AM  
Wow it's no wonder that most religious organizations have shrinking numbers of members. Treating your own members with disdain and using passive aggressive sarcasm to shame them isn't the best way to get people on your side.  I mean if you have a problem with the actions of your congregation tell them. Don't be a whiny douche about it and the act all surprised when they think you are a whiny douche and stop showing up.
 
2013-04-29 10:12:52 AM  

The Green Intern: CSB time.

From my first day of school to the time I was old enough to get my school permit, I rode the bus with a girl who was the kindest, most open and tolerant person I'd ever met.  She got engaged to some born-again Christian guy and the next thing you know, she's saying things like "Schindler's list was sad, sure, but they're all going to hell anyway."  And then she invited me to meet up and catch up before the wedding.

Turns out she just wanted to pray for me and tell me she was worried I was going to hell.

/Hallmark doesn't make "You really need to get a divorce before it's too late" card.
//So I sent my own.


CSB counter:

I knew a very cool girl in high school. She married her high school sweetheart. They were both lapsed Catholics of the standard sort. Her husband joined the Air Force and converted to a weird fundamentalist  church, which I later learned happens a lot in the Air Force. She went with him for a while and tried to be a part of it but eventually couldn't stand it. They divorced and last I heard she had gone back to being awesome.
 
2013-04-29 10:14:27 AM  
Follow these four things and you should be ok, religious or not.

1) don't be a dick
2) don't be a dick
3) don't be a dick
and finally the big #4) don't be a dick

This includes not judging others for the beliefs (or lack of), and in general, you could probably simplify it to a single item: don't be a dick.

Problem is, most fail # 1 and 2 almost right away, some manage those, but then fail at 3 and/or 4.
 
2013-04-29 10:14:53 AM  

WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.


Don't be silly. We don't have time to sit around debating Christianity. We're much too busy eating babies.

/Sriracha goes well
 
2013-04-29 10:15:18 AM  

mamoru: Cythraul: What the fark did I just read?

 
2013-04-29 10:16:14 AM  

limeybrit9: "7. Dabble in other religions, especially Buddhism. Buddhists are cool. You don't have to believe in God and there are no hard demands made on your life. Of course keep your Christian "cover" (most of your friends are Christians, and, quite frankly, it's good for business contacts), but don't let the Christianity thing go to your head. It's all pretty much the same thing. "

Yeah, damn straight... it's a lot of effort to learn how your friends and neighbors process and interpret subjective concepts like morals or ethics before berating them on a daily basis for not believing exactly the same crap your parents force-fed you as a child.


Buddhists are prettey cool, actually...spent some time with them in me early 20s (after I'd had 3 'crisis of faith's in 3 different religions).
"God" is NOT standing by with an itchy trigger finger, just waiting to smite you. You CAN make a difference in your life condition by the choices you make, and you know what? It's YOUR responsibility...and choice if/when/where to do so.
Very freeing and empowering, actually...
 
2013-04-29 10:16:40 AM  
Is this satire? I am not sure...
 
2013-04-29 10:18:25 AM  

Cheron: I'm going to hell and I'm OK with that. When I was younger I saw the Exorcist and at one point the demon looks at the priest and says, "your mother does acts of perversion in hell."  So hell might be bad but they get recreation breaks


I'm going to rot, personally, except there won't be an "I" to contemplate that. Because, you know, I'll be dead, and that's the end of me. The container breaks, but the consciousness isn't a magic vapour that flies off to a celestial customs gate; it's part of the container, and ceases to exist. If I'm wrong, I guess I'll find out. Or not. Whatever.

I'll do my best to arrange to rot in a forest, as being tree food and squirrel snacks seems fair, given all the wood, paper and critters I've used. I'll try to arrange for a crate of single malt for my surviving friends and kin to toast my memory. Aside from that, I'm not much bothered about it. Along with "slowing the rotation of the Earth", it's not something I can easily alter, only perhaps defer for a few years through diet and exercise.

All this jibber-jabber about Jeebus and Heck and eternal hot-sauced judgement just eats up valuable time that would be better used by being less of a dickhead while in meat form, or picking up trash, or scratching a dog's ear, or slipping on a condom, any of which are superior life choices to participating in sick mind cults/fundie behaviour of any stripe.
 
2013-04-29 10:20:42 AM  

E5bie: Is this guy for real, or is he another one of those militant atheists who mock fundamentalists by pretending to be a Christian a-hole?


I've heard all that before, so yeah, he's for real.
 
2013-04-29 10:21:13 AM  
Stop being so deeply involved in your church. And for the love of God, stop giving to your church. Let other people do that. Stop drinking the Kool-Aid.

A-men
 
2013-04-29 10:21:13 AM  
Thanks. Wow, this guy has never met a Buddhist, has he?
 
2013-04-29 10:22:01 AM  

Ned Stark: This is why I don't like moderate religious people. You think I'm going to hell for all eternity to face unimaginable torture because I haven't done something as simple as accepting Jesus and you aren't gonna be at least a little pushy about it? Well screw you Jack. Ill talk to someone who hives a damn.


Not all Christians think you are going to hell for eternity. The number who don't is larger among moderate Christians.
 
2013-04-29 10:23:54 AM  
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0784718415

his book needs some more realistic reviews.
 
2013-04-29 10:24:23 AM  
Blessed are the cheesemakers.
 
2013-04-29 10:24:42 AM  

God Is My Co-Pirate: Thanks. Wow, this guy has never met a Buddhist, has he?


His head appears to be so far up his own ass, I suspect he's only ever met Sunday dinner.

Sarcastic passive-aggression/mockery is actually pretty rare in organized religion, because it's the stepbrother to full-on bullying, which was given a bad name during the Inquisition.

This guy could've been a Jesuit instead of one of those penta-snakehandler-no-sex-standing-up/might-lead-to-dancing Protestant sects, which it is very likely he is.
 
2013-04-29 10:24:47 AM  

markfara: I thought Brian Jones drowned back in '69.


Brian has drowned.  Brian is risen.  Brian will drown again.
 
2013-04-29 10:26:05 AM  
4. Stop reading the gospels in your daily time with God. Jesus constantly talked about the afterlife, especially hell.

No, no he didn't.
 
2013-04-29 10:26:31 AM  

Valiente: Stop being a religious person I could consider reasonable enough to buy a pint!


I don't really label myself a Christian. I just want to be a good person.
 
2013-04-29 10:26:43 AM  

Cheron: I'm going to hell and I'm OK with that. When I was younger I saw the Exorcist and at one point the demon looks at the priest and says, "your mother does acts of perversion in hell."  So hell might be bad but they get recreation breaks


Acts of perversion = finding a stranger in the Alps

// should be an urbandictionary term if it isn't already
// although I know "skiing the Alps" is slang for inhaling the ol' Devil's Dandruff
 
2013-04-29 10:26:44 AM  

baka-san: Wow...

Just...

wow.


Alternative title:
How to be THAT religious guy
Being a buzz kill is a full time job and your just the guy!
 
2013-04-29 10:27:48 AM  
Missing from the list, simply because.

#11 Some of them I can't stand to be around more than 5 times a year.  Why be stuck with them for eternity.

Not that I wouldn't try to say anything.  I just would spend a lot of eternity running away from them.
 
2013-04-29 10:27:59 AM  
AngryDragon: "I'll give him one."

The list was attempted sarcasm. TFAuthor's advocating the complete opposite of those items.
 
2013-04-29 10:31:10 AM  
 
2013-04-29 10:32:13 AM  

Langston: Valiente: Stop being a religious person I could consider reasonable enough to buy a pint!

I don't really label myself a Christian. I just want to be a good person.


Well, if that's how you actually try to live, you are ahead of most monotheists of my acquaintance. Most of them veer in a narrow range between points marked "bigotry", "sanctimony" and "hypocrisy".

Pastor Dickhead is right about one thing: If his followers actually stuck to the program, they would have miserable lives as would the people around them they were constantly harrassing.
 
2013-04-29 10:32:33 AM  
I love the smell of sarcasm in the morning.
 
2013-04-29 10:34:21 AM  

Begoggle: I can't figure out if this is serious, ironic, or double ironic trollish.


I don't know, I read the blog of that "you deserve rape" preacher and sent him an e-mail asking if he was serious or an atheist troll or performance artist. He swears he is serious. I know Poe's Law applies but I think we can take this guy at his word.
 
2013-04-29 10:34:22 AM  
Well I can say this, without religion we'd all be bored as hell.
 
2013-04-29 10:35:00 AM  

WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.


So "growing up" means accepting fairy tales as truth?

Can I worship Santa instead?  He might actually give me something.
 
2013-04-29 10:35:11 AM  

odinsposse: The Green Intern: CSB time.

From my first day of school to the time I was old enough to get my school permit, I rode the bus with a girl who was the kindest, most open and tolerant person I'd ever met.  She got engaged to some born-again Christian guy and the next thing you know, she's saying things like "Schindler's list was sad, sure, but they're all going to hell anyway."  And then she invited me to meet up and catch up before the wedding.

Turns out she just wanted to pray for me and tell me she was worried I was going to hell.

/Hallmark doesn't make "You really need to get a divorce before it's too late" card.
//So I sent my own.

CSB counter:

I knew a very cool girl in high school. She married her high school sweetheart. They were both lapsed Catholics of the standard sort. Her husband joined the Air Force and converted to a weird fundamentalist  church, which I later learned happens a lot in the Air Force. She went with him for a while and tried to be a part of it but eventually couldn't stand it. They divorced and last I heard she had gone back to being awesome.


I have a retarded brother, the kind that makes the list I just posted a joke... he exemplifies what being a dick is, heck a dictionary that would have pictures would have his picture next to "dick"... but I stray...

The story is that this complete idiot is the type that jumps from one thing to another, all of them being the greatest thing in the world and how better he is than everyone for being part of "it".

So yes, he did the born-again christian thing... forced his wife (now ex) into it, and tried to get me (and my now ex) to see this, his way... so an afternoon of videos of these things, including the "Left behind" Kirk Cameron movie...

I laughed, made comments about it (in a casual funny way, not to insult, but still...)until he started to freak out and turned it off. He drove us home (didn't have a car at that point), and as he drops us, he comes out of the car and starts making a scene in the street about how bad "I" was, and then proceeded to smash his fist on his car yelling "You're so full of rage!!!!!" as I walked away and entered the apartment building.. didn't see him for 2 years...

Then accidentally met on a bus, where he apologized (yet again)... and I gave him yet another chance...

Anyways, he just kept jumping from one thing to another, and I just got sick (and beyond) of him and his crap...

The years have gone by and the more I learned about some things with the family, the more I learned that he's responsible for so much crap it's unbelievable.

When my father died, he refused to inform me (I was not in touch much with my father because of this ass), so I found out over a month later (he didn't inform anyone but a few, and did no service or anything) via the life insurance person that considered it wrong that the family wasn't informed, and I figured that the reason was that so he'd have time to rob the corpse clean (take the last few things my father had), rob my father's female companion of 15 years... etc.

My sister died about less than two years ago from cancer, again, not close to her because of him (but she wasn't right in the head either, but in a different way).  I spend the first (and last one of her life) day with her after about 15 years... and what followed? he took over the funeral (posing as "a friend" to the windower) and managed to make it about him as much as possible, and yup, he's back with a whole "religious side" via his "wife" (long story about women that he's use all his life).  THese was only two relatives that showed up and after his scene... they both left, not able to stand being in the same room as him.. (he used them too at some point).

If someone needs to rot and burn in hell... he's one of the top 3.
 
2013-04-29 10:37:32 AM  

Valiente: Well, if that's how you actually try to live, you are ahead of most monotheists of my acquaintance. Most of them veer in a narrow range between points marked "bigotry", "sanctimony" and "hypocrisy".

Pastor Dickhead is right about one thing: If his followers actually stuck to the program, they would have miserable lives as would the people around them they were constantly harrassing.


I've also been bigoted, and sanctimonious, and hypocritical. Hopefully less often now than I used to be.
 
2013-04-29 10:38:30 AM  

Langston: Those are lofty principles that I have tried to uphold. I do so with the knowledge that my faith is my own, and I accept that others will choose to believe as they will, even if they choose to believe only what can be shown and proven. This is their right and I respect that. I do not care that I am more or less correct than them, only that I live a life that benefits those around me.


I've been known to spew bile and vitriol at religion and believers, but I can respect you for this statement.  Now that I'm not an obnoxious teenage, I try to refrain from bile-spewing until someone pisses me off and earns it.  I can safely say that you will never earn it.  There need to be more people like you (and I should really be one of them).
 
2013-04-29 10:38:33 AM  
9. Every time the topic of hell comes up, bring up the example of the poor lonely native in Africa that's never heard the gospel, and how it would be horrible if God sent that person to hell. Then make sure you add, "That's not the God I choose to believe in." Because as we all know, if there actually is a Creator, he's too stupid to clearly communicate the way the world that he created works. And he definitely won't mind if you "create your own" version of reality.

So...he's saying that's exactly the kind of "loving God" he believes in then. This may be one of the most offensive things I've ever read of fark.
 
2013-04-29 10:39:29 AM  
I'm glad he didn't forget to talk about how important it was to give money to his church.  Cuz that's important in all religions.
 
2013-04-29 10:41:34 AM  

Queensowntalia: WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.

Don't be silly. We don't have time to sit around debating Christianity. We're much too busy eating babies.

/Sriracha goes well


Get it straight, dumbass. It's JEWS that eat babies - we Atheists(tm) eat roasted Jews.
And then we all freeze to death in the winter.
 
2013-04-29 10:42:50 AM  

Queensowntalia: WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.

Don't be silly. We don't have time to sit around debating Christianity. We're much too busy eating babies.

/Sriracha goes well


Oh, you're one of THOSE sorts of atheist, you worthless piece of trash.

Everyone knows the right choice is Tabasco.

/I want a schism all my own.
 
2013-04-29 10:43:01 AM  
doing a GIS for an african child going to hell and found this:

trollable.com

I laffed
 
2013-04-29 10:43:11 AM  
Pea soup * your mother sews socks that smell *  more pea soup  -Saturday Night Live
 
2013-04-29 10:43:16 AM  
"Organized religion is a sham and a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers. It tells people to go out and stick their noses in other people's business. "
  d.gr-assets.com
 
2013-04-29 10:43:35 AM  

DubtodaIll: Well I can say this, without religion we'd all be bored as hell.


I've never played a religious video game so I think we can refute this statement.  Just started playing the PC port of Brutal Legend, it is entertaining.
 
2013-04-29 10:44:33 AM  
2.bp.blogspot.com
Jesus, I like him very much, but he no help with curveball.
 
2013-04-29 10:45:09 AM  
We ain't a sharp species. We kill each other over arguments about what happens when you die, then fail to see the farking irony in that
 
Ant
2013-04-29 10:46:05 AM  

WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.


People with imaginary friends telling others to grow up?

/not a teenager, unfortunately/
 
2013-04-29 10:46:28 AM  

Carn: DubtodaIll: Well I can say this, without religion we'd all be bored as hell.

I've never played a religious video game so I think we can refute this statement.  Just started playing the PC port of Brutal Legend, it is entertaining.


Right, and nothing about music or mythology was ever promoted by religion.  I also got that PC port of Brutal Legend off that steam sale the other day, kinda fun but the controls are so clunky.
 
2013-04-29 10:46:44 AM  

YouSaidWhat: We ain't a sharp species. We kill each other over arguments about what happens when you die, then fail to see the farking irony in that


No irony, the dead ones were supposed to report back!
 
2013-04-29 10:47:06 AM  

I May Be Crazy But...: Oh, you're one of THOSE sorts of atheist, you worthless piece of trash.

Everyone knows the right choice is Tabasco.

/I want a schism all my own.


Tabasco is crap.  Louisiana or Crystal Hot Sauce FTW...
 
2013-04-29 10:47:09 AM  

Carn: DubtodaIll: Well I can say this, without religion we'd all be bored as hell.

I've never played a religious video game so I think we can refute this statement.  Just started playing the PC port of Brutal Legend, it is entertaining.


But discovering monotheism gives you such a boost, as long as you can build the Oracle and get your free tech.
 
Ant
2013-04-29 10:48:03 AM  

stuhayes2010: Even as a little kid I would look at these people and think "they really believe they're talking to someone who is there?  I just don't get it."  30 years later, I still don't get it.


I don't get it either. In fact, when they're waving their hands in the air and swaying like that, those people kind of creep me out.
 
2013-04-29 10:49:38 AM  
Buddhism makes no hard demands on your life? Mahayana Buddhism demands that you devote eternity to service of others.
 
2013-04-29 10:50:22 AM  
I should have looked at the thread first.

I thought it was going to be something funny, not everything that is pushing people away from Christianity.

Which is kinda funny really, but I don't like encouraging wannabe theocrats.
 
2013-04-29 10:51:22 AM  
And this is why atheists should go full douche on religion. These people need to be openly mocked and ridiculed of for their wild imaginations just like alien abduction and Sasquatch believers.
 
2013-04-29 10:51:44 AM  

DubtodaIll: Carn: DubtodaIll: Well I can say this, without religion we'd all be bored as hell.

I've never played a religious video game so I think we can refute this statement.  Just started playing the PC port of Brutal Legend, it is entertaining.

Right, and nothing about music or mythology was ever promoted by religion.  I also got that PC port of Brutal Legend off that steam sale the other day, kinda fun but the controls are so clunky.


The intro was the best part so far.  The game is ok, but Jack Black is funny.  Love Ozzy and Lemmy being in it.
 
2013-04-29 10:51:53 AM  

Ant: WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.

People with imaginary friends telling others to grow up?

/not a teenager, unfortunately/


I didn't become an atheist until I grew up and I'm definitely not a teenager.  I did dabble in several flavors of Christianity over my formative years (much to the consternation of my Catholic mother).  Attending a charismatic church for the first time was definitely eye-opening.  They are quite loony but definitely an entertaining group of god-botherers.
 
2013-04-29 10:53:35 AM  

God Is My Co-Pirate: Carn: DubtodaIll: Well I can say this, without religion we'd all be bored as hell.

I've never played a religious video game so I think we can refute this statement.  Just started playing the PC port of Brutal Legend, it is entertaining.

But discovering monotheism gives you such a boost, as long as you can build the Oracle and get your free tech.


Oracle is great but I love all the engineering wonders so I don't always get to build it.  Cumulative effect of more and more Great Engineers = all the wonders for meeee!  Except half the art ones since meh.
 
2013-04-29 10:56:32 AM  
to Judy- "why does my three year old need Sunday School?  She's a good kid, she doesn't do any thing wrong"
To me - It's not about religion, it's about control.
To Judy - I don't get it - she's three.  She does everything I ask her to.
To me - No, it's not about now, it's about later when you need to control her behavior
To Judy - ah, I see  .  .  .

So we decided that we would stop any religious activity toot - sweet and give her the choice of religions when she's out of her teen years, and our "control".
So far, the religious community isn't doing so well in her eyes.  Living right down to everyone's expectations.
 
2013-04-29 10:58:24 AM  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhG-tkQ_Q2w&autoplay=1Penn Jillette explains proselityzing quite well in this video. His take: if they really believe they can share eternal life and everlasting happiness, wouldn't they have to be heartless bastards to keep it to themselves and not share?
 
2013-04-29 10:58:28 AM  

Langston: Dear Mr. Jones:

I presume that you came to your faith through reading, reflection, and prayer. I too, spent a good amount of time reading, reflecting, and praying. Somehow, even though we both did the same thing, I heard a different call.

I did not hear a chorus of angels unraveling a singular path in front of me that led to a legion of evangelical Christian angels blowing trumpets over the burned corpses of false religions. I read a story a man who preached kindness, and gentleness, and forgiveness. Who told me that if a man stepped up and slapped me across my face, I should turn my other cheek to him. Who told me that if a thief robs me of my jacket, give him my shirt as well. Who told me to love my enemies and worship in private. Who loved those who sought him harm, not raising his hand to them as they punished, tortured and killed him.

Those are lofty principles that I have tried to uphold. I do so with the knowledge that my faith is my own, and I accept that others will choose to believe as they will, even if they choose to believe only what can be shown and proven. This is their right and I respect that. I do not care that I am more or less correct than them, only that I live a life that benefits those around me.

I hope that the structure of the universe is such that all of us in some way become better with experience, including a consciousness and knowledge that transcends death, and brings us closer to perfection. I hope that the structure of the universe is such that justice is meted out perfectly in time, that the poor may be comforted and the rich humbled. That the cruel ones feel and understand the pain they caused and the humble ones encouraged.

I cannot say what Christianity is. I only know what I want to become.


I cannot agree with your theology, sir - but i must concur with your philosophy. bravo.
 
2013-04-29 10:58:52 AM  

Marcintosh: to Judy- "why does my three year old need Sunday School?  She's a good kid, she doesn't do any thing wrong"
To me - It's not about religion, it's about control.
To Judy - I don't get it - she's three.  She does everything I ask her to.
To me - No, it's not about now, it's about later when you need to control her behavior
To Judy - ah, I see  .  .  .

So we decided that we would stop any religious activity toot - sweet and give her the choice of religions when she's out of her teen years, and our "control".
So far, the religious community isn't doing so well in her eyes.  Living right down to everyone's expectations.


If only there was some way to control the religious communities.......
 
2013-04-29 10:59:28 AM  
I could have saved that pastor a whole lot of time and effort, since his list could have been shortened to one item instead of ten: "Grow up. Stop believing that fairy tales are real and run your life."
 
2013-04-29 11:00:28 AM  
11. Realize that the concept of Hell is such a horrible thing that it CANNOT be reconciled with a God who is even remotely loving and just. Any Creator who would create it is inherently evil and does not deserve worship.
 
2013-04-29 11:00:36 AM  

WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.


That's what I say about Jews, Muslims, and dolphins. It's just a phrase, and they'll eventually learn that Christianity is the one true religion. Especially with information about Jesus being freely available on the internet.
 
2013-04-29 11:00:52 AM  
That was verily unreadable.
 
2013-04-29 11:01:55 AM  

Copperbelly watersnake: Buddhism makes no hard demands on your life? Mahayana Buddhism demands that you devote eternity to service of others.


Hippies ruined the Western view of Buddhism. When people think of Buddhism as a totally laid back religion that just about like, being part of the universe, they're really just thinking of the hippie view of things. They don't realize that Buddhists can be just as hardline and dickish as any other religion.
 
2013-04-29 11:02:22 AM  

wingnut396: I May Be Crazy But...: Oh, you're one of THOSE sorts of atheist, you worthless piece of trash.

Everyone knows the right choice is Tabasco.

/I want a schism all my own.

Tabasco is crap.  Louisiana or Crystal Hot Sauce FTW...


You all deserve to roast in hell.

Really?  Y'all are discussing eating babies with HOT SAUCE? Disgusting!

Slow-roasted baby with tomato-based BBQ sauce is where it's at.
 
2013-04-29 11:03:17 AM  

Cythraul: What the fark did I just read?


If you make it to the end, you get an advert.

FYI - The Kindle e-book version ofHell Is Real (But I Hate To Admit It) is on sale this week for $2.99! You can order itHERE. It's designed to help you re-kindle evangelistic urgency and give you practical steps for sharing your faith without getting weird.
 
2013-04-29 11:06:17 AM  
Because as we all know, if there actually is a Creator you read the bible, he's too stupid to clearly communicate the way the world that he created works.

FTFYahweh
 
2013-04-29 11:06:58 AM  
In related news, someone just posted on facebook that she is trying to fast but the devil is making their stomach growl.

*facepalm*

it makes me sad to see so many ppl have fallen victim to this cult and its nonsense.
 
2013-04-29 11:07:21 AM  

GilRuiz1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhG-tkQ_Q2w&autoplay=1Penn Jillette explains proselityzing quite well in this video. His take: if they really believe they can share eternal life and everlasting happiness, wouldn't they have to be heartless bastards to keep it to themselves and not share?


Understanding the behavior doesn't make it any less annoying.
 
2013-04-29 11:07:37 AM  

Parthenogenetic: wingnut396: I May Be Crazy But...: Oh, you're one of THOSE sorts of atheist, you worthless piece of trash.

Everyone knows the right choice is Tabasco.

/I want a schism all my own.

Tabasco is crap.  Louisiana or Crystal Hot Sauce FTW...

You all deserve to roast in hell.

Really?  Y'all are discussing eating babies with HOT SAUCE? Disgusting!

Slow-roasted baby with tomato-based BBQ sauce is where it's at.


Oh no. BBQ flamewars make religious flamewars look like trips to the petting zoo.  Next we're going to get some heathen coming in with the mustard and vinegar sauces and then there's nothing but flaming wreckage as far as the eye can see.

/nice garlicky red-wine braise for babies, I think.
 
2013-04-29 11:08:18 AM  

Ned Stark: This is why I don't like moderate religious people. You think I'm going to hell for all eternity to face unimaginable torture because I haven't done something as simple as accepting Jesus and you aren't gonna be at least a little pushy about it? Well screw you Jack. Ill talk to someone who hives a damn.


This.

There's really no good way to practice any religion with a message of exclusive salvation. The fundies are abhorrent hatemongers and terrorists, and the moderates are actually even worse, because they believe that their friends and family are going to hell and yet they don't care enough to sacrifice their popularity and "coolness" by evangelizing.
 
2013-04-29 11:08:48 AM  

odinsposse: Copperbelly watersnake: Buddhism makes no hard demands on your life? Mahayana Buddhism demands that you devote eternity to service of others.

Hippies ruined the Western view of Buddhism. When people think of Buddhism as a totally laid back religion that just about like, being part of the universe, they're really just thinking of the hippie view of things. They don't realize that Buddhists can be just as hardline and dickish as any other religion.


Or, as in Taiwan, a conservative political party with tons of power and $.
 
2013-04-29 11:09:46 AM  

E5bie: Is this guy for real, or is he another one of those militant atheists who mock fundamentalists by pretending to be a Christian a-hole?


I used to be a born again for 12 years. Believe me: this guy is very, very real. Even if by some chance this is satire, there are certainly people who literally believe this. I was one of them.
 
2013-04-29 11:11:37 AM  
The idea that people need to be saved by faith and not by works is one of the most immoral, toxic concepts in all of civilization. It puts blind fealty over any sort of action or ideals of how to help others. It presents a god who is cruel, capricious, and holds his creations to standards that have nothing to do with how they treat each other and everything to do with how they bolster its ego. Saying god loves you because he forgives you is like saying your marriage is going well because your husband doesn't break your jaw as long as you make his sandwiches just right.
 
2013-04-29 11:12:14 AM  

Parthenogenetic: wingnut396: I May Be Crazy But...: Oh, you're one of THOSE sorts of atheist, you worthless piece of trash.

Everyone knows the right choice is Tabasco.

/I want a schism all my own.

Tabasco is crap.  Louisiana or Crystal Hot Sauce FTW...

You all deserve to roast in hell.

Really?  Y'all are discussing eating babies with HOT SAUCE? Disgusting!

Slow-roasted baby with tomato-based BBQ sauce is where it's at.


I might be convinced to follow the screed of marinating them in tomatillo sauce, with some extra lime and olive oil.
 
2013-04-29 11:15:39 AM  

Langston: Dear Mr. Jones:

I presume that you came to your faith through reading, reflection, and prayer. I too, spent a good amount of time reading, reflecting, and praying. Somehow, even though we both did the same thing, I heard a different call.

I did not hear a chorus of angels unraveling a singular path in front of me that led to a legion of evangelical Christian angels blowing trumpets over the burned corpses of false religions. I read a story a man who preached kindness, and gentleness, and forgiveness. Who told me that if a man stepped up and slapped me across my face, I should turn my other cheek to him. Who told me that if a thief robs me of my jacket, give him my shirt as well. Who told me to love my enemies and worship in private. Who loved those who sought him harm, not raising his hand to them as they punished, tortured and killed him.

Those are lofty principles that I have tried to uphold. I do so with the knowledge that my faith is my own, and I accept that others will choose to believe as they will, even if they choose to believe only what can be shown and proven. This is their right and I respect that. I do not care that I am more or less correct than them, only that I live a life that benefits those around me.

I hope that the structure of the universe is such that all of us in some way become better with experience, including a consciousness and knowledge that transcends death, and brings us closer to perfection. I hope that the structure of the universe is such that justice is meted out perfectly in time, that the poor may be comforted and the rich humbled. That the cruel ones feel and understand the pain they caused and the humble ones encouraged.

I cannot say what Christianity is. I only know what I want to become.


Thank you! As a Christian who was raised in a fundamentalist/pentecostal mindset, I wish more Christians thought this way, instead of following the Religious Right that has dominated politics for the last thirty years, Pat Roberston, and pretty much anyone pushing creationism.  The Bible is a set of guidelines, stories, and a history of a people that archeologists are finding that is pretty much made up to try to justify a cohesive nation-state. Basing your entire world view around it and taking the words literally can pretty much skew how you see everything around you and your relationships with others.  If you truly believe that loved ones and friends are going to hell if they don't think like you do, you will find yourself tolerated by others, but not embraced.
 
2013-04-29 11:17:45 AM  

Bloody William: The idea that people need to be saved by faith and not by works is one of the most immoral, toxic concepts in all of civilization. It puts blind fealty over any sort of action or ideals of how to help others. It presents a god who is cruel, capricious, and holds his creations to standards that have nothing to do with how they treat each other and everything to do with how they bolster its ego. Saying god loves you because he forgives you is like saying your marriage is going well because your husband doesn't break your jaw as long as you make his sandwiches just right.


Yes but blind fealty fills collection plates much more efficiently than helping the poor.
 
2013-04-29 11:18:18 AM  
Damn, this is exactly the sort of advice that I wish most (vocal) Christians would take to heart...but is also one of the reasons why I can't see how a devout religious person and an atheist can be in a relationship. It's like on Seinfeld when Elaine was dating the guy and got upset that he didn't care that she was going to hell. Not that I have to worry about that since I can't take anyone who really believes I'm going to hell seriously enough to get into a relationship, but it would upset me a little if he didn't at least care.

It's sort of flattering when someone truly is concerned that you're going to hell - bonus points if they start crying about it - but the first person who really got worked up over my lack of salvation is the one who helped me cement in the realization that I'm a total atheist.
 
2013-04-29 11:18:35 AM  
 
2013-04-29 11:20:51 AM  
Here's more from that site. He has an... interesting attitude toward fellow Xians.

Top Posts of 2012: #8

I think two of the most dangerous influences any church faces are (1) spiritual leaders who have lost their first love and (2) the onslaught of church hoppers. ...

I call church hoppers "connoisseurs of fine churches" because they're continually on a quest to find the church that is spiritual enough for them, will endlessly gorge themselves on the "services" of the churches they attend, and always have a critical word to say afterwards whenever "church" doesn't meet their standards.


15 Ways To Keep Church Hoppers From Coming Back

1) We've taken time during our biggest Sundays (Easter, Christmas, etc.) to de-invite Christian visitors from coming back the following Sunday.

2) We continuously remind our people NOT to invite their friends that are already Christians to our church.

3) During our introductory 101 class we take time to explain why 80% of the Christians in the room should never come back to our church.

4) When I meet visitors after the service and find out that they're from a Bible-believing Christian church, I always encourage them to go back to back to their former church.

5) When picking elders, staff, or volunteer team leaders we always look for those converted from within the ministry of our church first.

6) If a churched visitor attends our church and we find out they have unresolved conflict in a previous church, we deny them membership until they go back, resolve the conflict, and we receive written verification from that church's leadership.

7) We never advertise our church on the church page in the newspaper, on Christian radio stations, or in the Christian Yellow Pages.

8) Occasionally, for no reason, we instruct our ushers to punch people in the face if they look like they're visiting from another church.*

9) We don't design worship services that cater to consumeristic self-interested Christians who "want to be fed."

10) We never play in a local church softball league.

11) We have poker groups at our church.

12) We offer comedy nights with a mixture of Christian and non-Christian comedians, along with a cash bar.

13) We play non-Christian music in our outdoor speakers as people walk up to the building on Sunday mornings.

14) We preach in-your-face, sin-convicting, gospel-centered, prophetic messages that call people to repent, take up their crosses and suffer for the sake of the kingdom.

15) Finally, when all else fails, I strategically mention that the Left Behind series, Amish-based Christian fiction, and Thomas Kinkade paintings are blights on the Christian community.

That usually does the trick.

* Good news - due to the overwhelming pressure we received from certain Christian groups, we stopped the practice of punching Christian visitors in the face years ago. So if you are ever in Philadelphia please feel free stop by for a visit. ☺
 
2013-04-29 11:21:55 AM  

Noobian Noob: In related news, someone just posted on facebook that she is trying to fast but the devil is making their stomach growl.

*facepalm*

it makes me sad to see so many ppl have fallen victim to this cult and its nonsense.


There's an ancient Japanese dieting technique known as "sepukku" that will get rid of that devil.
 
2013-04-29 11:23:21 AM  
My grandmother died yesterday.  I've already had one family express her guilt/fear/concern that my grandmother was going to hell.  She claimed she prayed furiously for my grandmother's entrance into heaven.

Even as she is telling me all this on the phone, all I could think is, "Lady, you're farking nuts."   And I was stunned that ADULTS actually seemed to believe this shiat.  I mean, I always thought it was a lie they told kids to comfort them in their grief.  Yet, here's the adult woman crying because she fears my grandmother "hadn't accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior."
 
2013-04-29 11:24:32 AM  
1-10) Come to terms with the fact that you're going to hell too and try to be happy that you'll at least have your friends with you.
 
2013-04-29 11:26:24 AM  

Noobian Noob: In related news, someone just posted on facebook that she is trying to fast but the devil is making their stomach growl.

*facepalm*



I tried to crucify myself, you know to honor Jesus, but the devil made it hurt so bad I couldn't finish.
 
2013-04-29 11:26:46 AM  

Bloody William: The idea that people need to be saved by faith and not by works is one of the most immoral, toxic concepts in all of civilization. It puts blind fealty over any sort of action or ideals of how to help others. It presents a god who is cruel, capricious, and holds his creations to standards that have nothing to do with how they treat each other and everything to do with how they bolster its ego. Saying god loves you because he forgives you is like saying your marriage is going well because your husband doesn't break your jaw as long as you make his sandwiches just right.


You know the story of Cain and Abel? I've always hated that. Ever since I was a kid I knew it was unfair.  Cain was a farmer and one season his crops didn't do well, and he didn't have a lot to offer God - but he still brought his best. Abel was a shepherd and brought his lambs to sacrifice. God arbitrarily decides he likes Abel's offerings but not Cain's and boom, you have the story of the first murder.

Surely God, who you know, made the crops fail in the first place, wouldn't be such a dick as to punish his creations for something not their fault?  Oh.

Of course it works much better as an allegory of two co-existing bronze age tribes, one agricultural and one pastoral.
 
2013-04-29 11:30:07 AM  
Ok I'll bite.

This author is attempting to use shame and guilt to inspire people (fellow Christians) to act outside of their comfort zones, but composing a written blog and saturating it with sarcasm (which often doesn't translate well in written form) with no biblical references is kind of a weak attempt at best. Even at best, it's confusing, but he did just get his blog posted on Fark, so he's getting some attention and getting people talking about Jesus regardless.

There are a lot of main line Christian big wigs right now that are kind of teaching through the lens of guilt and shame, but they are framing it in a context that is antithetical to the "American version" of Christianity, and they put their money and time where their mouths are, plus they are backing up their statements and actions with Jesus' actual words. It makes a big difference.

Francis Chan gave up the pulpit at his mega church and his house to go take his family and live in a poor neighborhood to help people in the inner city in San Francisco. David Platt is teaching that we in America are so wealthy that we have no idea how to relate to the problems, starvation, and hatred directed at us because we simply can't relate. He also says that Pastors need to be less reliant on quips and witty remarks and instead actually teach from the book.

In my estimation if people actually modeled Jesus' behavior instead of trying to be smart about it, then we Christians might be making more of a difference in the lives of those around us. I think that's part of what the author was trying to say. He's stoking the fire, but not providing any timber.
 
2013-04-29 11:30:49 AM  

Parthenogenetic: Dr Dreidel: Ned Stark: This is why I don't like moderate religious people. You think I'm going to hell for all eternity to face unimaginable torture because I haven't done something as simple as accepting Jesus and you aren't gonna be at least a little pushy about it? Well screw you Jack. Ill talk to someone who hives a damn.

[inigo.jpg]

A moderate doesn't get all up in your business about the fundamentals of their religious beliefs. That's called something else.

[that's the joke.jpg]

If you really, truly believed that everyone was doomed to spend eternity in Sheol, and that the simple act of accepting forgiveness from Jesus would prevent that, you would be preaching the Gospel night and day to anybody within earshot.

He's making fun of the apathetic Christian who professes to believe what is espoused in the Apostle's Creed, yet won't bother with trying to act on it because it is inconvenient and potentially embarassing.


This is what I don't get about all Christians. Apparently they don't give a single crap about me or most other people suffering for eternity because the most they will do to evangelize is ask me to go to their mega church once. The girl scouts are pushier when they sell their cookies.

Furthermore, I would clean up my act a little more if I really thought that non-belief would lead to an eternity of pain. I don't exactly understand how you can claim to really believe that and then not do exactly what Jesus said??
 
2013-04-29 11:32:19 AM  
#0 Stop worry about what others do and concentrate on your own mountain of sin, assholes
 
2013-04-29 11:33:22 AM  
My first thought:

25.media.tumblr.com

Then I was like:

media.comicvine.com
 
2013-04-29 11:37:53 AM  
There are lots of Christian types in this thread that are attempting to pull the "I'm a rational christian, not like this crazy guy." thing. And to that I say no, no you're not. You are just as batshiat.
 
2013-04-29 11:42:06 AM  
1. Here's the easiest one: Stop being a part of a church!
 
2013-04-29 11:43:00 AM  

God Is My Co-Pirate: You know the story of Cain and Abel? I've always hated that. Ever since I was a kid I knew it was unfair. Cain was a farmer and one season his crops didn't do well, and he didn't have a lot to offer God - but he still brought his best. Abel was a shepherd and brought his lambs to sacrifice. God arbitrarily decides he likes Abel's offerings but not Cain's and boom, you have the story of the first murder.


Gen 4:3-4 says that's not entirely accurate. Cain brings "his fruits", but Abel brings "his first-borns, the fattest [animals]" - the implication is that Abel offers the best of the best (A++++ would consume with heavenly fire again), and Cain offers only that which he can bear to part with.

I suppose you could make an argument that Cain's should have been "good enough", but the lesson of the story is that when you offer a sacrifice, it had better not be the dregs of your haul. "Good enough" is not good enough.

// besides which, Cain's beef was with god, not Abel
 
2013-04-29 11:43:07 AM  

MayoSlather: There are lots of Christian types in this thread that are attempting to pull the "I'm a rational christian, not like this crazy guy." thing. And to that I say no, no you're not. You are just as batshiat.


We could care less what you think. You have more right to condemn our beliefs than we yours.

Go fark yourself you intolerant assbag.
 
2013-04-29 11:43:19 AM  

Ned Stark: This is why I don't like moderate religious people. You think I'm going to hell for all eternity to face unimaginable torture because I haven't done something as simple as accepting Jesus and you aren't gonna be at least a little pushy about it? Well screw you Jack. Ill talk to someone who hives a damn.


I know you are making a joke of it but...I actually question myself on that. I cannot force you to change, but if I cared about you, wouldn't I at least try to get you thinking about it?

It's like finding out that your best friend knows this really, really amazing restaurant but never told you about it. Now multiply that by a magnitude of...whatever.

When you see people suffer from regret or sorrow, don't you wish they'd see fate as you do and find comfort in that?
When you see someone wasting their life in addiction, how can you just say "it's a personal choice" when you see the effect it has on them and their loved ones?
This lack of empathy has actually gone all the way to completely not caring about others, if not even reveling in others misfortunes.

In the wild, a male of a species would kill another male to mate with the female(s). Many people call humans animals, but would they accept this behavior in humans? What makes it 'wrong'?
If man is an animal, what makes people hate cheaters in both sexes?
Even more interesting are people who claim man is an animal, but then try to compel you to become a vegetarian.
In the animal kingdom the stronger animal takes the food, property and even sleeping place of the weaker animal. What makes it wrong for humans?

I think the biggest question is...what am I babbling about?

/no idea
//well, actually maybe just ideas, but no direction
///digressing slashies
 
2013-04-29 11:43:21 AM  
 
2013-04-29 11:44:14 AM  

Marcus Aurelius: In my experience, no good ever comes from "finding Jesus".


Why do people worship this guy? He sucks as hide and seek. People find him all the damn time.
 
2013-04-29 11:44:46 AM  
Most of the people I've known who believed in heaven and hell--and my experience is of course purely anecdotal--didn't seem worried in the least that I was going to hell.  They were more or less like Patrick Warburton in that Seinfeld episode.  "Yeah, you should be worried, but it's not like it's gonna happen to me."

The whole thing has never made sense to me.  If you believe, then it's like a golden key that unlocks paradise, no matter what else you do, or neglect to do.  If you don't believe, then you are in torment for all eternity, no matter what else you do, or neglect to do.  That's what I got from Lutheranism as a kid.  There was also a subtheme that said that you really should evanglize to save more souls, but it was kind of in the vein of, "You really should lose some weight, you really should rotate your tires every six months, you really should be a courteous driver, but it's all secondary and optional.  Doesn't count on the final."

Side note:  I've known a very small number of people who were True Believers, devout, rigidly dogmatic fundamentalists.  Again anecdotal, but the ones I knew were also unfailingly kind, cheerful, polite, and never judgmental of me.  I remember talking with one once about my problem stepdaughter, and I dropped an f-bomb (quoting her).  He literally winced, in physical pain.  I've felt bad about that ever since.  He was one of the nicest people I ever knew.

I have always thought that they were the ones who actually read and absorbed the teachings of Jesus in the gospels.
 
2013-04-29 11:48:23 AM  

MayoSlather: There are lots of Christian types in this thread that are attempting to pull the "I'm a rational christian, not like this crazy guy." thing. And to that I say no, no you're not. You are just as batshiat.


Yup. I am. There is no way to rationally explain one's faith to another human being....it is a personal experience unique for each individual. But I do believe in good and truth. I believe that evil exists, and so does good. I try to do good in my life based upon Jesus' example in the bible. I have seen people's lives changed for the better as a result of other batshiat people who believe the what's written in the batshiat book.

Not trying to kick a hornet's nest here, but trying to love and help people is a noble calling in life, and Jesus was the very best example that I can think of. Plus he's the one who said that he was the only way to heaven and that his followers would be hated.

Scorn should be expected if one claims to be his follower. If you don't ever experience a little friction as a result of your faith, then you're probably not being vocal enough about it.
 
2013-04-29 11:48:56 AM  

Resident Muslim: Ned Stark: This is why I don't like moderate religious people. You think I'm going to hell for all eternity to face unimaginable torture because I haven't done something as simple as accepting Jesus and you aren't gonna be at least a little pushy about it? Well screw you Jack. Ill talk to someone who hives a damn.

I know you are making a joke of it but...I actually question myself on that. I cannot force you to change, but if I cared about you, wouldn't I at least try to get you thinking about it?

It's like finding out that your best friend knows this really, really amazing restaurant but never told you about it. Now multiply that by a magnitude of...whatever.

When you see people suffer from regret or sorrow, don't you wish they'd see fate as you do and find comfort in that?
When you see someone wasting their life in addiction, how can you just say "it's a personal choice" when you see the effect it has on them and their loved ones?
This lack of empathy has actually gone all the way to completely not caring about others, if not even reveling in others misfortunes.

In the wild, a male of a species would kill another male to mate with the female(s). Many people call humans animals, but would they accept this behavior in humans? What makes it 'wrong'?
If man is an animal, what makes people hate cheaters in both sexes?
Even more interesting are people who claim man is an animal, but then try to compel you to become a vegetarian.
In the animal kingdom the stronger animal takes the food, property and even sleeping place of the weaker animal. What makes it wrong for humans?

I think the biggest question is...what am I babbling about?

/no idea
//well, actually maybe just ideas, but no direction
///digressing slashies


on the contrary, when i see ppl really involved with religion I want to tell them how ridiculous they are being but I dont want to offend them.
 
2013-04-29 11:49:55 AM  
Read without sarcasm, this is a good list of ways to be a decent friend.
 
2013-04-29 11:49:58 AM  
I was raised in a Southern Baptist church, but it was shiat like this that drove me away.  So I'm a Hindu who was always faithful to my beliefs and spent my life helping others?  Sorry, you didn't accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior, go burn in hell forever and ever.  But, hey, I'm a real scumbag who spent my life cheating people, stealing, lying to others, but just before my death I repented and said I believe in Jesus?  Welcome to Heaven, Christian!
 
2013-04-29 11:50:44 AM  

Langston: Dear Mr. Jones:

I presume that you came to your faith through reading, reflection, and prayer. I too, spent a good amount of time reading, reflecting, and praying. Somehow, even though we both did the same thing, I heard a different call.

I did not hear a chorus of angels unraveling a singular path in front of me that led to a legion of evangelical Christian angels blowing trumpets over the burned corpses of false religions. I read a story a man who preached kindness, and gentleness, and forgiveness. Who told me that if a man stepped up and slapped me across my face, I should turn my other cheek to him. Who told me that if a thief robs me of my jacket, give him my shirt as well. Who told me to love my enemies and worship in private. Who loved those who sought him harm, not raising his hand to them as they punished, tortured and killed him.

Those are lofty principles that I have tried to uphold. I do so with the knowledge that my faith is my own, and I accept that others will choose to believe as they will, even if they choose to believe only what can be shown and proven. This is their right and I respect that. I do not care that I am more or less correct than them, only that I live a life that benefits those around me.

I hope that the structure of the universe is such that all of us in some way become better with experience, including a consciousness and knowledge that transcends death, and brings us closer to perfection. I hope that the structure of the universe is such that justice is meted out perfectly in time, that the poor may be comforted and the rich humbled. That the cruel ones feel and understand the pain they caused and the humble ones encouraged.

I cannot say what Christianity is. I only know what I want to become.



Beautifully said.  As an atheist I agree with nearly all of it (except the part of hoping that consciousness transcends death - I don't want that at all!)
 
2013-04-29 11:51:52 AM  

Dr Dreidel: God Is My Co-Pirate: You know the story of Cain and Abel? I've always hated that. Ever since I was a kid I knew it was unfair. Cain was a farmer and one season his crops didn't do well, and he didn't have a lot to offer God - but he still brought his best. Abel was a shepherd and brought his lambs to sacrifice. God arbitrarily decides he likes Abel's offerings but not Cain's and boom, you have the story of the first murder.

Gen 4:3-4 says that's not entirely accurate. Cain brings "his fruits", but Abel brings "his first-borns, the fattest [animals]" - the implication is that Abel offers the best of the best (A++++ would consume with heavenly fire again), and Cain offers only that which he can bear to part with.

I suppose you could make an argument that Cain's should have been "good enough", but the lesson of the story is that when you offer a sacrifice, it had better not be the dregs of your haul. "Good enough" is not good enough.


What does God need with a starship pile of fruit?  If, as someone else pointed out, God was the one who gave out the harvests and lambs to being with, why does he need them back?  And why demand the best?  That seems kinda dickish, especially if Cain is facing starvation because he gave the most nourishing part of his crop to someone who isn't even going to eat it.  "Here, have some cookies.  No, wait, I want the Thin Mint.  I actually think it tastes revolting, but it makes great tile grout."

// besides which, Cain's beef was with god, not Abel

Sounds like he's got a legitimate one.

/Greek ideas on sacrifice worked out well for them
//didn't hurt that Greek gods are apparently dumb as fenceposts
 
2013-04-29 11:52:29 AM  

ReverendJasen: What's it mean when all those points were apparently meant as sarcasm yet they were all completely accurate?

Actually, I could have saved the poor guy a lot of typing and distress.
Step 1:  Mind your own business.
Step 2: Goto 1.


It means Christians are as good at satire as they are at their version of everything else they try to add their particular flavor to (Christian rock, Christian comedy, Christian children's cartoons, ect...)
 
2013-04-29 11:52:59 AM  
Typical know it all Atheists shoving their beliefs down other people's throats.

Oh, wait, that logic isn't applied to the religious folks. They are just stating their beliefs!
 
2013-04-29 11:53:03 AM  
What I most hate about these kinds of posts is that they're guilty of the very sin they so freely use to condemn others.

The Bible is just packed full of verses that say you'd flaunt your religion.  You're told to pray indoors with the doors closed and not to proclaim your religion on street corners are the marketplace because that's what hypocrites do.  So this guy comes along and loudly proclaims his religion in public while, at the same time, saying that people cherry pick their Bible verses to support whatever religious belief they have.

Yes, sir, they most certainly do.
 
2013-04-29 11:54:33 AM  

MayoSlather: There are lots of Christian types in this thread that are attempting to pull the "I'm a rational christian, not like this crazy guy." thing. And to that I say no, no you're not. You are just as batshiat.


Well hell.  That makes it normal for fark
 
2013-04-29 11:54:44 AM  

Langston: Dear Mr. Jones:

I presume that you came to your faith through reading, reflection, and prayer. I too, spent a good amount of time reading, reflecting, and praying. Somehow, even though we both did the same thing, I heard a different call.

I did not hear a chorus of angels unraveling a singular path in front of me that led to a legion of evangelical Christian angels blowing trumpets over the burned corpses of false religions. I read a story a man who preached kindness, and gentleness, and forgiveness. Who told me that if a man stepped up and slapped me across my face, I should turn my other cheek to him. Who told me that if a thief robs me of my jacket, give him my shirt as well. Who told me to love my enemies and worship in private. Who loved those who sought him harm, not raising his hand to them as they punished, tortured and killed him.

Those are lofty principles that I have tried to uphold. I do so with the knowledge that my faith is my own, and I accept that others will choose to believe as they will, even if they choose to believe only what can be shown and proven. This is their right and I respect that. I do not care that I am more or less correct than them, only that I live a life that benefits those around me.

I hope that the structure of the universe is such that all of us in some way become better with experience, including a consciousness and knowledge that transcends death, and brings us closer to perfection. I hope that the structure of the universe is such that justice is meted out perfectly in time, that the poor may be comforted and the rich humbled. That the cruel ones feel and understand the pain they caused and the humble ones encouraged.

I cannot say what Christianity is. I only know what I want to become.


I needed that.  Thank you.
 
2013-04-29 11:55:25 AM  

CPXBRex: What I most hate about these kinds of posts is that they're guilty of the very sin they so freely use to condemn others.

The Bible is just packed full of verses that say you'd flaunt your religion.  You're told to pray indoors with the doors closed and not to proclaim your religion on street corners are the marketplace because that's what hypocrites do.  So this guy comes along and loudly proclaims his religion in public while, at the same time, saying that people cherry pick their Bible verses to support whatever religious belief they have.

Yes, sir, they most certainly do.


I think you mostly nailed the problem right on the head.
 
2013-04-29 11:59:16 AM  

nmemkha: MayoSlather: There are lots of Christian types in this thread that are attempting to pull the "I'm a rational christian, not like this crazy guy." thing. And to that I say no, no you're not. You are just as batshiat.

We could care less what you think. You have more right to condemn our beliefs than we yours.

Go fark yourself you intolerant assbag.


1/10?

The misstatements, insults and illogical phrase use makes me think troll.  But then again, you could also just be demonstrating the intelligence of a typical believer.  Hard to tell.
 
2013-04-29 11:59:59 AM  

stevetherobot: mamoru: Cythraul: What the fark did I just read?

 
2013-04-29 12:04:33 PM  
genner: Marcintosh: to Judy- "why does my three year old need Sunday School?  She's a good kid, she doesn't do any thing wrong"
To me - It's not about religion, it's about control.
To Judy - I don't get it - she's three.  She does everything I ask her to.
To me - No, it's not about now, it's about later when you need to control her behavior
To Judy - ah, I see  .  .  .

So we decided that we would stop any religious activity toot - sweet and give her the choice of religions when she's out of her teen years, and our "control".
So far, the religious community isn't doing so well in her eyes.  Living right down to everyone's expectations.


If only there was some way to control the religious communities.......


There is, just walk out the door and leave it open.  Others will follow.
 
2013-04-29 12:05:53 PM  

DaAlien: Nobody's posted this yet?


That's on one of my old mixtapes. I actually met Burroughs as a young man, in a bookshop in Toronto. He was precisely what one would expect him to be: the dryest looking human I've ever met.
 
2013-04-29 12:07:49 PM  

Bondith: What does God need with a starship pile of fruit?


Why is it called an "offering" or a "sacrifice"? Because one wishes to show gratitude - you "offer thanks" to the Creator of All the Things. Because Cain was a farmer, that's the asset he had to spare. A sacrifice is meant, on some level, to say "I should be up there burning for my imperfections, but instead accept this substitute".

It's not that god needs it - you (the supplicant) do.
 
2013-04-29 12:15:57 PM  
Strangely absent: abandon your bronze-age mythology and its primitive revenge fantasies.
 
2013-04-29 12:17:14 PM  

I May Be Crazy But...: Queensowntalia: WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.

Don't be silly. We don't have time to sit around debating Christianity. We're much too busy eating babies.

/Sriracha goes well

Oh, you're one of THOSE sorts of atheist, you worthless piece of trash.

Everyone knows the right choice is Tabasco.

/I want a schism all my own.


Frank's Red Hot.

I put that shiat on everything.
 
2013-04-29 12:17:31 PM  

Dr Dreidel: Bondith: What does God need with a starship pile of fruit?

Why is it called an "offering" or a "sacrifice"? Because one wishes to show gratitude - you "offer thanks" to the Creator of All the Things. Because Cain was a farmer, that's the asset he had to spare. A sacrifice is meant, on some level, to say "I should be up there burning for my imperfections, but instead accept this substitute".

It's not that god needs it - you (the supplicant) do.


I'm just going to say that I will never understand this line of thinking and leave it at that, because from here on out it'll just be a thread full of arguing without any sort of resolution.
 
2013-04-29 12:19:30 PM  
9. Every time the topic of hell comes up, bring up the example of the poor lonely native in Africa that's never heard the gospel, and how it would be horrible if God sent that person to hell. Then make sure you add, "That's not the God I choose to believe in." Because as we all know, if there actually is a Creator, he's too stupid to clearly communicate the way the world that he created works. And he definitely won't mind if you "create your own" version of reality.

So what is the accepted answer to this one?  It was the first chink in the armor of my relatively religious upbringing.  Well that and Numbers 31.  I've never found a satisfactory answer.
 
2013-04-29 12:21:34 PM  
Not believing other people's delusions as reality has worked pretty well for me so far so I'll stick with that.
 
2013-04-29 12:25:27 PM  

Langston: not raising his hand to them as they punished, tortured and killed him.


Which is what happens.  Jesus' philosophy only works if a very large percentage of people participate.  Otherwise, you end up like him:  no jacket or shirt, two slapped cheeks, and oh yeah, crucified.  Now you're dead and for what?  The hope that the people who did it will get theirs in a hypothetical afterlife?  Hey, it's your life and you can waste it trying to love people who don't give a single shiat that you're a living, conscious being.  Empathy is necessary and understanding is important, but if someone robs or attacks me, I'm going to stand up for myself.
 
2013-04-29 12:26:08 PM  
I think my IQ dropped ten points from having read that.
 
2013-04-29 12:26:51 PM  
10 Ways To Stop Feeling Guilty Your Friend Is Going To Hell Not Getting a Great Deal on Fine Amway Products
 
2013-04-29 12:28:39 PM  

Precision Boobery: Langston: not raising his hand to them as they punished, tortured and killed him.

Which is what happens.  Jesus' philosophy only works if a very large percentage of people participate.  Otherwise, you end up like him:  no jacket or shirt, two slapped cheeks, and oh yeah, crucified.  Now you're dead and for what?  The hope that the people who did it will get theirs in a hypothetical afterlife?  Hey, it's your life and you can waste it trying to love people who don't give a single shiat that you're a living, conscious being.  Empathy is necessary and understanding is important, but if someone robs or attacks me, I'm going to stand up for myself.


Well that was different. Some people who disagree with the Christian belief system also disagree with some guy calling himself Jesus Christ, existing at some point.  Never mind that non-religion affiliated history books have blurbs about him roaming around.
 
2013-04-29 12:30:04 PM  

Parthenogenetic: wingnut396: I May Be Crazy But...: Oh, you're one of THOSE sorts of atheist, you worthless piece of trash.

Everyone knows the right choice is Tabasco.

/I want a schism all my own.

Tabasco is crap.  Louisiana or Crystal Hot Sauce FTW...

You all deserve to roast in hell.

Really?  Y'all are discussing eating babies with HOT SAUCE? Disgusting!

Slow-roasted baby with tomato-based BBQ sauce is where it's at.


The more spiritually-advanced souls, such as myself, prefer mustard-based BBQ sauce.
 
2013-04-29 12:31:59 PM  

cwolf20: Precision Boobery: Langston: not raising his hand to them as they punished, tortured and killed him.

Which is what happens.  Jesus' philosophy only works if a very large percentage of people participate.  Otherwise, you end up like him:  no jacket or shirt, two slapped cheeks, and oh yeah, crucified.  Now you're dead and for what?  The hope that the people who did it will get theirs in a hypothetical afterlife?  Hey, it's your life and you can waste it trying to love people who don't give a single shiat that you're a living, conscious being.  Empathy is necessary and understanding is important, but if someone robs or attacks me, I'm going to stand up for myself.

Well that was different. Some people who disagree with the Christian belief system also disagree with some guy calling himself Jesus Christ, existing at some point.  Never mind that non-religion affiliated history books have blurbs about him roaming around.


Any 'history' text the mentions Jesus existing is not 'non-religion'.   I'm not saying he didn't exist only that there is zero historical information to back it up and most historians tend to try and avoid making shiat up.
 
2013-04-29 12:32:13 PM  
my favorite religious bumpersticker: 'Dear Lord,  please protect me from your followers'.  my other one is 'I've found Jesus, he was behind the sofa the whole time. '
 
2013-04-29 12:36:26 PM  

Langston: Dear Mr. Jones:

I presume that you came to your faith through reading, reflection, and prayer. I too, spent a good amount of time reading, reflecting, and praying. Somehow, even though we both did the same thing, I heard a different call.

I did not hear a chorus of angels unraveling a singular path in front of me that led to a legion of evangelical Christian angels blowing trumpets over the burned corpses of false religions. I read a story a man who preached kindness, and gentleness, and forgiveness. Who told me that if a man stepped up and slapped me across my face, I should turn my other cheek to him. Who told me that if a thief robs me of my jacket, give him my shirt as well. Who told me to love my enemies and worship in private. Who loved those who sought him harm, not raising his hand to them as they punished, tortured and killed him.

Those are lofty principles that I have tried to uphold. I do so with the knowledge that my faith is my own, and I accept that others will choose to believe as they will, even if they choose to believe only what can be shown and proven. This is their right and I respect that. I do not care that I am more or less correct than them, only that I live a life that benefits those around me.

I hope that the structure of the universe is such that all of us in some way become better with experience, including a consciousness and knowledge that transcends death, and brings us closer to perfection. I hope that the structure of the universe is such that justice is meted out perfectly in time, that the poor may be comforted and the rich humbled. That the cruel ones feel and understand the pain they caused and the humble ones encouraged.

I cannot say what Christianity is. I only know what I want to become.


Had you not already been a totalfarker, I'd've sponsored you for this.
 
2013-04-29 12:36:26 PM  

Dr Dreidel: God Is My Co-Pirate: You know the story of Cain and Abel? I've always hated that. Ever since I was a kid I knew it was unfair. Cain was a farmer and one season his crops didn't do well, and he didn't have a lot to offer God - but he still brought his best. Abel was a shepherd and brought his lambs to sacrifice. God arbitrarily decides he likes Abel's offerings but not Cain's and boom, you have the story of the first murder.

Gen 4:3-4 says that's not entirely accurate. Cain brings "his fruits", but Abel brings "his first-borns, the fattest [animals]" - the implication is that Abel offers the best of the best (A++++ would consume with heavenly fire again), and Cain offers only that which he can bear to part with.

I suppose you could make an argument that Cain's should have been "good enough", but the lesson of the story is that when you offer a sacrifice, it had better not be the dregs of your haul. "Good enough" is not good enough.

// besides which, Cain's beef was with god, not Abel


3: And in process of time it came to pass, that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto the LORD.
4: And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering:
5: But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell.

I take your point, but it looks more like God just hates vegetarians.
 
2013-04-29 12:36:53 PM  
When you die.. you die. That's it. Lights out. Maybe whatever your last few moments of conscious thought were will remain somehow with you for what feels like eternity.. maybe. So, try to make them nice. Other than that... there's no guy with a book judging you. There's no Bespin looking cloud city, nor any Mustaffar looking volcano planet. Just blackness, unconsciousness, nothingness and decay.

It sucks. I wish there were more. I wish there were reward for the just and punishment for the wicked, but it certainly seems unlikely.
 
2013-04-29 12:38:37 PM  

Quantum Apostrophe: WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.

I'll grow up to be like you?


The horror!
 
2013-04-29 12:40:34 PM  
Which of these is the better person?

1. A Christian that believes I'm going to suffer for eternity, and tries to help me?
2. A Christian that believes I'm going to suffer for eternity, and does nothing for fear of being labeled a "dick"?
 
2013-04-29 12:41:07 PM  

Bondith: I'm just going to say that I will never understand this line of thinking and leave it at that, because from here on out it'll just be a thread full of arguing without any sort of resolution.


I understand it, I just got to the point where I got tired of talking to a dead line. Interestingly enough, the psychology says that even if you know there's no one listening, you feel emotionally better after prayer.

// prayer - in the form of words - takes the place of the sacrifices of antiquity
 
2013-04-29 12:43:11 PM  

nmemkha: MayoSlather: There are lots of Christian types in this thread that are attempting to pull the "I'm a rational christian, not like this crazy guy." thing. And to that I say no, no you're not. You are just as batshiat.

We could care less what you think. You have more right to condemn our beliefs than we yours.

Go fark yourself you intolerant assbag.


Intolerance? Look everyone, a Christian is going to give us a lesson in intolerance.

Fark your fairy tales and the ignorant destruction they bring. Truth condemning lies is not intolerance.
 
2013-04-29 12:50:00 PM  
Coincidentally, I had two ladies I suspect were JW's ring my doorbell while I was reading TFA.

I didn't answer.
 
2013-04-29 12:50:17 PM  

alowishus: Which of these is the better person?

1. A Christian that believes I'm going to suffer for eternity, and tries to help me?
2. A Christian that believes I'm going to suffer for eternity, and does nothing for fear of being labeled a "dick"?


You know what #1 really is?  A Christian who believes they won't get to heaven unless they try to help you.
 
2013-04-29 12:51:02 PM  
non-girlfriend.com

Y'all are slipping
 
2013-04-29 12:52:13 PM  

mcgreggers99: Scorn should be expected if one claims to be his follower.



This is absolutely true, if you believe in ridiculous, patently false, absurd nonsense, you should expect to be ridiculed by rational human beings.
 
2013-04-29 12:55:34 PM  
As I read that blog article I just got the sense of putting on more and more coats until what I was wearing was so heavy and binding that I couldn't do anything anymore.

Why does believing in a god require so much effort?
 
2013-04-29 12:55:46 PM  

Tommy Moo: Ned Stark: This is why I don't like moderate religious people. You think I'm going to hell for all eternity to face unimaginable torture because I haven't done something as simple as accepting Jesus and you aren't gonna be at least a little pushy about it? Well screw you Jack. Ill talk to someone who hives a damn.

This.

There's really no good way to practice any religion with a message of exclusive salvation.


Unitarian Theology wishes to have a word with you, thought obviously they won't be pushy about.
spirit.uchicago.edu

Obviously these are the kinds of "mushy" faiths that Fundamentalists like to denounce as Satan's Handpuppets, but non-exclusionary religions are hardly uncommon.

I'm also reminded of the This American Life episode about the evangelical preacher who came to reject the concept of Hell, and how his church reacted. It's fascinating stuff.
 
2013-04-29 12:57:17 PM  

nmemkha: MayoSlather: There are lots of Christian types in this thread that are attempting to pull the "I'm a rational christian, not like this crazy guy." thing. And to that I say no, no you're not. You are just as batshiat.

We could care less what you think. You have more right to condemn our beliefs than we yours.

Go fark yourself you intolerant assbag.


It seems like Jesus would be totally cool with this statement.
 
2013-04-29 12:57:32 PM  

alowishus: Which of these is the better person?

1. A Christian that believes I'm going to suffer for eternity, and tries to help me?
2. A Christian that believes I'm going to suffer for eternity, and does nothing for fear of being labeled a "dick"?



The second.  His irrational fears are his own problem, and I am not interested in having him share that problem with me.  Thanks for asking!
 
2013-04-29 12:58:42 PM  

Hickory-smoked: Tommy Moo:


You know, I just realized you said "with" instead of "without."

Ignore me.
 
2013-04-29 01:01:42 PM  
A year ago I was sent a bible thumper to work with. Ive worked with several people from many relgions and have gotten along with em well enough. The only ones I havent got on with are the ones that shove their religion in your face.  From about day one she was asking me what church I and the others we worked with belonged to she would ask me to give my definintion of words like judgement or ask me what it would take for me to be happy (that was fun because she was pretty much shocked by the answer) but after a while messing with her got old so I nipped it in the bud. I asked her if she had ever heard that talking about religion/politics in the workplace was pretty much an unwritten no no, the convo went kinda like this after I said that:

Biblethumper: Jesus is everywhere at all times and its my job to help soread the word blahblah blah (my eyes glazed over at this point and I was thinking about asian porn I think)
Groppet: Well last time I check Jesus wasent on payroll here and if he was here we would be making a lot more money.
Biblethumper: (blank look mouth open thought she was in a coma then he rbrain rebooted) I have no answer for that.
Groppet: Welcome to hell.
Biblethumper: (shocked) Thats not funny!
Groppet: Dont care get back to work or call HR. (walks away)

Once I almost had to send her home because her brother left their church because he got tired of funding their missions to Belieze. And she was on full meltdown, it was jsut scary she was on her phone talking with her brother about how he needed the church because he was the the body of it and needed the guidence from the pastor. After a while I told her to either get back to work or go home. she hung up and then started giving me an exorcism I think about the love of God and church. I shoulda told her why I left the church that woulda curled her toes.
She has calmed down a lot over the year and in August she goes back to good ole Liberty U.
 
2013-04-29 01:02:08 PM  
This guy really doesn't think like your average fundie. From a blog entry about a bombing in Afghanistan: Link

"Christians are supposed to be the ones who "live in this world" but are not "of this world."

One of the ways this plays out is we don't allow ourselves to become trapped by an American-centric worldview.
- We recognize that God is not an American.
- We recognize that God isn't "on our side" in military conflicts any more than any other country.
- We recognize that America's role isn't any more special in the world than Belize or Ghana.
- We recognize that as Christians we have much more in common with Iraqi, North Korean, and Iranian Christians
than the non-Christian working in the cubicle next to us."
 
2013-04-29 01:02:22 PM  

WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.


Condescending prick.
 
2013-04-29 01:02:43 PM  
Egoy3k:

Any 'history' text the mentions Jesus existing is not 'non-religion'.   I'm not saying he didn't exist only that there is zero historical information to back it up and most historians tend to try and avoid making shiat up.

Ah.  All of the public schools I went to which consisted of every school I ever went to, never bother to say that.  Though one principal had colorful opinions about the student body president who informed the press that there "Would be prayer at graduation" forcing the city school board and school staff to accept it.  By the time they found out the whole city was in the know and 4 different tv stations were calling to ask where to set up.
 
2013-04-29 01:04:04 PM  

havocmike: When you die.. you die. That's it. Lights out. Maybe whatever your last few moments of conscious thought were will remain somehow with you for what feels like eternity.. maybe. So, try to make them nice. Other than that... there's no guy with a book judging you. There's no Bespin looking cloud city, nor any Mustaffar looking volcano planet. Just blackness, unconsciousness, nothingness and decay.

It sucks. I wish there were more. I wish there were reward for the just and punishment for the wicked, but it certainly seems unlikely.


Well I'm sure a lot of the farkheads I'd like to yell at and punch should I see them in the afterlife will be happy about that.
 
2013-04-29 01:05:15 PM  

ReverendJasen: alowishus: Which of these is the better person?

1. A Christian that believes I'm going to suffer for eternity, and tries to help me?
2. A Christian that believes I'm going to suffer for eternity, and does nothing for fear of being labeled a "dick"?

You know what #1 really is?  A Christian who believes they won't get to heaven unless they try to help you.


No that's number 3.  a lot of #1 don't think they'll go to hell if they don't meet a quota.
 
2013-04-29 01:06:21 PM  

FloydA: alowishus: Which of these is the better person?

1. A Christian that believes I'm going to suffer for eternity, and tries to help me?
2. A Christian that believes I'm going to suffer for eternity, and does nothing for fear of being labeled a "dick"?


The second.  His irrational fears are his own problem, and I am not interested in having him share that problem with me.  Thanks for asking!


And since it is #2, he never would share it with you. Since only #2 has that problem which he will never walk up and share about.
 
2013-04-29 01:11:15 PM  
Atheism is a Religion.
 
2013-04-29 01:11:21 PM  
www.maniacworld.com

11. Eat a praying mantis for Jesus

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-IN_lsMgmM
 
2013-04-29 01:16:16 PM  
Honestly I don't mind when somebody tries to 'save' me. It doesn't happen often and I don't go out of my way to be rude in my assessment of their views. I don't go out of my way to be polite either. I simply tell them that I simply don't believe their story and I haven't seen any evidence that has convinced me. If they have a problem with this and want to argue then I might be upset but most people are generally polite.
 
2013-04-29 01:18:31 PM  

letrole: Atheism is a Religion.


I see you're going with the "everyone places their faith in something" or "everyone worships something" line of thought.

I'm with ya. Better grab a flame shield real quick though just in case....

i498.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-29 01:19:54 PM  

letrole: Atheism is a Religion.


Again with the conspiracy creation that's become a standard mantra
 
2013-04-29 01:20:20 PM  

mcgreggers99: I see you're going with the "everyone places their faith in something" or "everyone worships something" line of thought.


He is just a simpleton that has been posting those exact 4 words over and over for literally years. And yes, I am using the correct definition of "literally".
 
2013-04-29 01:26:58 PM  
Let's see...  Either I spend an eternity suffering in hell, or I spend an eternity in Heaven with Jesus and THOSE assholes?

Tough choice, I guess.
 
2013-04-29 01:29:40 PM  

letrole: Atheism is a Religion.


True. I'm irreligious: I believe nothing.
 
2013-04-29 01:29:59 PM  

MayoSlather: nmemkha: MayoSlather: There are lots of Christian types in this thread that are attempting to pull the "I'm a rational christian, not like this crazy guy." thing. And to that I say no, no you're not. You are just as batshiat.

We could care less what you think. You have more right to condemn our beliefs than we yours.

Go fark yourself you intolerant assbag.

Intolerance? Look everyone, a Christian is going to give us a lesson in intolerance.

Fark your fairy tales and the ignorant destruction they bring. Truth condemning lies is not intolerance.


If you act in the very manner you claim to hate in believers how are you any better? Because you think you right? Gee where have we heard that before? That and $5 will be you a cup of coffee these days.
 
2013-04-29 01:34:03 PM  

megarian: I May Be Crazy But...: Queensowntalia: WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.

Don't be silly. We don't have time to sit around debating Christianity. We're much too busy eating babies.

/Sriracha goes well

Oh, you're one of THOSE sorts of atheist, you worthless piece of trash.

Everyone knows the right choice is Tabasco.

/I want a schism all my own.

Frank's Red Hot.

I put that shiat on everything.


www.hotsaucefever.com
 
2013-04-29 01:39:03 PM  

letrole: Atheism is a Religion.


I see I am not needed ITT. 7.89/10 one point deducted for brevity.
 
2013-04-29 01:41:08 PM  

WhoopAssWayne: Ah yes, another enlightening thread with the fark teenaged atheists.

[imageshack.us image 287x312]

Don't worry - it's just a stage. Once you grow up a little more, you'll get over it.


I'm 42. When can I expect to grow out of my non-belief?

Oh wait, I'm guessing it's right around the time I'm diagnosed with a terminal illness, or laid out on my death bed.
 
2013-04-29 01:46:48 PM  

imfallen_angel: Follow these four things and you should be ok, religious or not.

1) don't be a dick
2) don't be a dick
3) don't be a dick
and finally the big #4) don't be a dick

This includes not judging others for the beliefs (or lack of), and in general, you could probably simplify it to a single item: don't be a dick.

Problem is, most fail # 1 and 2 almost right away, some manage those, but then fail at 3 and/or 4.


+lots

in all its iterations ... 'don't be a wanker' ... 'don't be a c*nt' ... 'don't be just an observer' *imp*
 
2013-04-29 01:50:44 PM  

abfalter: Repo Man: It really is astonishing to me that anyone can believe in the concept of a place of never ending torment. A place that a "loving god" condemns you to for the most trivial reasons.


I am not a believer but if I did there is no way that I would worship a god that would punish you for an infinite amount of torment for a finite number of sins.

I would not worship a god that is supposed to be all powerful yet allows such torment to exist.

I would fear such a being.  I might even obey it, out of fear.  But I would not love it.


This is a huge part of what drove me away from Christianity and into Paganism. I believe in a Deity, but I believe in an ultimate  parent, not an abusive shiatstain like that god. I definitely don't believe that a religion that causes that much personal and social harm is one that's created by any god. There's a lot of guilt-tripping that goes on in Catholicism, but while I was converting to Paganism, I realized that, if the Christian doctrines were right, well, I'd go to Hell proud that I'd chosen to believe that the ultimate power was good and loving. Maybe not the smartest choice, but it was the only one I could live with.

/Which is one way to get rid of pseudo-brainwashing, I guess...
 
2013-04-29 01:52:07 PM  

MayoSlather: And this is why atheists should go full douche on religion. These people need to be openly mocked and ridiculed of for their wild imaginations just like alien abduction and Sasquatch believers.


Yeah, they openly mocked and ridiculed Noah too.
 
2013-04-29 01:56:53 PM  
If Heaven is filled with douchbags like this guy and Hell is filled with awesome guys like Freddie Mercury, NPH, and Carl Sagen, then I'm pretty sure I know where I'd rather end up.

/can't go to Hell since I don't believe in it....
 
2013-04-29 01:58:25 PM  

nmemkha: MayoSlather: nmemkha: MayoSlather: There are lots of Christian types in this thread that are attempting to pull the "I'm a rational christian, not like this crazy guy." thing. And to that I say no, no you're not. You are just as batshiat.

We could care less what you think. You have more right to condemn our beliefs than we yours.

Go fark yourself you intolerant assbag.

Intolerance? Look everyone, a Christian is going to give us a lesson in intolerance.

Fark your fairy tales and the ignorant destruction they bring. Truth condemning lies is not intolerance.

If you act in the very manner you claim to hate in believers how are you any better? Because you think you right? Gee where have we heard that before? That and $5 will be you a cup of coffee these days.


You guys keep shiatting on each other, you're both just going to stink.
 
2013-04-29 01:58:47 PM  

Parthenogenetic: [www.maniacworld.com image 371x275]

11. Eat a praying mantis for Jesus

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-IN_lsMgmM


Did you see the comment under that video?

O_o
 
2013-04-29 02:01:49 PM  

chewielouie: MayoSlather: And this is why atheists should go full douche on religion. These people need to be openly mocked and ridiculed of for their wild imaginations just like alien abduction and Sasquatch believers.

Yeah, they openly mocked and ridiculed Noah too.


Oh, so genocide is okay when GOD does it, I get it.
 
2013-04-29 02:01:52 PM  
TESTIFY!

media.cmgdigital.com
 
2013-04-29 02:02:56 PM  
The amusing thing here is the way that Atheists are still acknowledging God and giving Him glory -- albeit in bloody-minded defiance.
 
2013-04-29 02:05:19 PM  
Christianity should be more about relationships than requirements. Less judgement more compassion.

If you beat someone over the head with the bible or point your finger in their chest and tell them what's wrong with them why would they ever want to spend more time in your presence or set foot anywhere near a church?

If you make it a list of do's and dont's no one will ever be able to measure up. Nobody can earn it.
I think I've broken pretty much every one of the 10 commandments (except 6. I haven't killed anyone yet.)

But if you demonstrate humility, kindness, compassion, and love to people who have wronged you then you are exhibiting the love of Christ. I don't care what anyone says, this is not the default tendency of people. It may in fact cause them to ask a questions and spark a relationship and honest conversation.
 
2013-04-29 02:05:49 PM  
Be a Calvinist?
 
2013-04-29 02:14:36 PM  

chewielouie: MayoSlather: And this is why atheists should go full douche on religion. These people need to be openly mocked and ridiculed of for their wild imaginations just like alien abduction and Sasquatch believers.

Yeah, they openly mocked and ridiculed Noah too.


In fairness, his bigass boat was blocking their driveway.

/what's a cubit?
 
2013-04-29 02:20:20 PM  

Cythraul: What the fark did I just read?

i651.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-29 02:22:58 PM  
Resident Muslim:
If man is an animal, what makes people hate cheaters in both sexes?

I have never hated them - just felt heart broken when I was the cheated on - generally I have luved the cheaters, to them we are the cherry on top :P
 
2013-04-29 02:28:06 PM  

letrole: The amusing thing here is the way that Atheists are still acknowledging God and giving Him glory -- albeit in bloody-minded defiance.


What kind of mental hoops do you have to jump through to come to that conclusion?  If I say Bigfoot doesn't exist, that proves Bigfoot exists?
 
2013-04-29 02:36:19 PM  

Carn: letrole: The amusing thing here is the way that Atheists are still acknowledging God and giving Him glory -- albeit in bloody-minded defiance.

What kind of mental hoops do you have to jump through to come to that conclusion?  If I say Bigfoot doesn't exist, that proves Bigfoot exists?


His name is bastardized french for "The Troll". You really don't want to engage him.
 
2013-04-29 02:38:51 PM  

MayoSlather: There are lots of Christian types in this thread that are attempting to pull the "I'm a rational christian, not like this crazy guy." thing. And to that I say no, no you're not. You are just as batshiat.


Well MY invisible sky friend assures me that what WE have is special. Not like THOSE morans and their FAKE invisible sky friend(s).

So there!
 
2013-04-29 02:39:26 PM  

also


anongallery.org
 
2013-04-29 02:42:48 PM  

Carn: DubtodaIll: Well I can say this, without religion we'd all be bored as hell.

I've never played a religious video game so I think we can refute this statement.  Just started playing the PC port of Brutal Legend, it is entertaining.


Bioshock Infinite is quite fun, so I hear.
I found the first 30 minutes of gameplay that I saw to be like chewing on tinfoil.
 
2013-04-29 02:43:26 PM  

cwolf20: FloydA: alowishus: Which of these is the better person?

1. A Christian that believes I'm going to suffer for eternity, and tries to help me?
2. A Christian that believes I'm going to suffer for eternity, and does nothing for fear of being labeled a "dick"?


The second.  His irrational fears are his own problem, and I am not interested in having him share that problem with me.  Thanks for asking!

And since it is #2, he never would share it with you. Since only #2 has that problem which he will never walk up and share about.



Oh they both have an irrational fear that consciousness survives death.  Person number 2 is just polite enough to keep his horrifying fantasy to himself, so I prefer his company.
 
2013-04-29 02:43:49 PM  

alowishus: Which of these is the better person?

1. A Christian that believes I'm going to suffer for eternity, and tries to help me?
2. A Christian that believes I'm going to suffer for eternity, and does nothing for fear of being labeled a "dick"?


Assuming that this Christian knows you are aware of this belief system and have already made you choice, I would say #2 is a better person.

There is no chance #1 is going to change your mind (very little chance). All he will do is annoy you and possibly force you to say something that hurts his feelings and or ends you friendship.

So yeah, #2, by not acting like a dick IS less of a dick.
 
2013-04-29 02:45:03 PM  
I appreciated this analogy of Hell. I am certain that a fundamentalist Christian will be able to explain either that the analogy is invalid or that the analogy is valid but that all humans actually deserve the punishment of Hell.
 
2013-04-29 02:46:07 PM  

catmandu: This guy really doesn't think like your average fundie. From a blog entry about a bombing in Afghanistan: Link

"Christians are supposed to be the ones who "live in this world" but are not "of this world."

One of the ways this plays out is we don't allow ourselves to become trapped by an American-centric worldview.
- We recognize that God is not an American.
- We recognize that God isn't "on our side" in military conflicts any more than any other country.
- We recognize that America's role isn't any more special in the world than Belize or Ghana.
- We recognize that as Christians we have much more in common with Iraqi, North Korean, and Iranian Christians
than the non-Christian working in the cubicle next to us."


Yeap until that last bit - then he became (returned to being) a nutter!
 
2013-04-29 02:50:42 PM  
Evidently Fark does not appreciate Rationalwiki.org; the analogy to which I referred may be found at http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Hell#An_analogy
 
2013-04-29 02:54:34 PM  

letrole: The amusing thing here is the way that Atheists are still acknowledging God and giving Him glory -- albeit in bloody-minded defiance.


Which god are we glorifying again?
 
2013-04-29 03:03:41 PM  

letrole: The amusing thing here is the way that Atheists are still acknowledging God and giving Him glory -- albeit in bloody-minded defiance.


I wouldn't quite call it glory though yeah, a lot of "atheists" are the equivalent of the kid who doesn't believe in Santa but spends too much time going off on how much they hate that jolly old elf...

If you don't believe in something, why would you spend any time even thinking about it?
 
2013-04-29 03:09:56 PM  

chewielouie: MayoSlather: And this is why atheists should go full douche on religion. These people need to be openly mocked and ridiculed of for their wild imaginations just like alien abduction and Sasquatch believers.

Yeah, they openly mocked and ridiculed Noah too.


Uhhh... Noah didn't exist, nor did a global flood. Using a religious story from the religion being mocked to attempt to disprove said mockery is, beyond being circular, simply stupid.
 
2013-04-29 03:17:16 PM  
que.guero:

If you don't believe in something, why would you spend any time even thinking about it?

Because unfortunately for mankind, while none of the thousands of gods people have invented exist, religion does. And religion is responsible for the vast majority of genocide, bigotry and misogyny throughout recorded human history?
Because otherwise rational adults seriously believe myths and fairy tales should affect the way they vote and what children should be taught?
 
2013-04-29 03:21:15 PM  

que.guero: letrole: The amusing thing here is the way that Atheists are still acknowledging God and giving Him glory -- albeit in bloody-minded defiance.

I wouldn't quite call it glory though yeah, a lot of "atheists" are the equivalent of the kid who doesn't believe in Santa but spends too much time going off on how much they hate that jolly old elf...

If you don't believe in something, why would you spend any time even thinking about it?


Every time I pull out money to pay for something I'm reminded that even in the US, where we have separation of church and state, we trust in God.

I think about it because turning away from scientific explainations of the natural world, and favoring mythology, does nothing to help the US get back on track to being a leader in math and science, which is neccessary for this country to regain its economic footing. And, believe it or not, the state of the US economy affects me directly.
 
2013-04-29 03:28:08 PM  

Pitabred: chewielouie: MayoSlather: And this is why atheists should go full douche on religion. These people need to be openly mocked and ridiculed of for their wild imaginations just like alien abduction and Sasquatch believers.

Yeah, they openly mocked and ridiculed Noah too.

Uhhh... Noah didn't exist, nor did a global flood. Using a religious story from the religion being mocked to attempt to disprove said mockery is, beyond being circular, simply stupid.


Pitabred: chewielouie: MayoSlather: And this is why atheists should go full douche on religion. These people need to be openly mocked and ridiculed of for their wild imaginations just like alien abduction and Sasquatch believers.

Yeah, they openly mocked and ridiculed Noah too.

Uhhh... Noah didn't exist, nor did a global flood. Using a religious story from the religion being mocked to attempt to disprove said mockery is, beyond being circular, simply stupid.


Look I'm not saying that it definitely happened, and I'm not trying to defend anyone here but you can't make absolute statements like that either since you weren't there.  Either side of the debate can cook up scientists and experts to try and prove their point.

http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/evidence-suggests-biblical-great-fl oo d-noahs-time-happened/story?id=17884533#.UX7InsqyIs0

Saying it never happened simply "because it didn't happen" is also circular. Making absolute statements about something that we can't definitely prove either way is also kind of foolish.
 
2013-04-29 03:32:37 PM  

Langdon_777: catmandu: This guy really doesn't think like your average fundie. From a blog entry about a bombing in Afghanistan: Link

"Christians are supposed to be the ones who "live in this world" but are not "of this world."

One of the ways this plays out is we don't allow ourselves to become trapped by an American-centric worldview.
- We recognize that God is not an American.
- We recognize that God isn't "on our side" in military conflicts any more than any other country.
- We recognize that America's role isn't any more special in the world than Belize or Ghana.
- We recognize that as Christians we have much more in common with Iraqi, North Korean, and Iranian Christians
than the non-Christian working in the cubicle next to us."

Yeap until that last bit - then he became (returned to being) a nutter!


Never said he wasn't a nutter, just a different kind of nutter than the average Teabagger Fundie
 
2013-04-29 03:33:56 PM  
But I need a religion that validates my wealth while everyone else suffers.

i.imgur.com

/I've heard musings as to why the ancient Romans got rid of their old gods;
//Too expensive for the rich, and too much wealth redistribution
///Zeus was a Muslim Socialist taking away your swords
 
2013-04-29 03:36:15 PM  

que.guero: If you don't believe in something, why would you spend any time even thinking about it?


I only think about it when when someone else brings it up.
 
2013-04-29 03:38:23 PM  

mcgreggers99: Pitabred: chewielouie: MayoSlather: And this is why atheists should go full douche on religion. These people need to be openly mocked and ridiculed of for their wild imaginations just like alien abduction and Sasquatch believers.

Yeah, they openly mocked and ridiculed Noah too.

Uhhh... Noah didn't exist, nor did a global flood. Using a religious story from the religion being mocked to attempt to disprove said mockery is, beyond being circular, simply stupid.

Look I'm not saying that it definitely happened, and I'm not trying to defend anyone here but you can't make absolute statements like that either since you weren't there.  Either side of the debate can cook up scientists and experts to try and prove their point.

http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/evidence-suggests-biblical-great-fl oo d-noahs-time-happened/story?id=17884533#.UX7InsqyIs0

Saying it never happened simply "because it didn't happen" is also circular. Making absolute statements about something that we can't definitely prove either way is also kind of foolish.


Oohhh, that's a good dog whistle. "You weren't there". You weren't there when Jesus was born, so there's no proof he lived either. QED.

BTW... Robert Ballard is an idiot, and possibly a liar:  http://www.skepticink.com/lateraltruth/2012/12/19/robert-ballard-goes - out-of-his-depth/
 
2013-04-29 03:45:18 PM  

Pitabred: mcgreggers99: Pitabred: chewielouie: MayoSlather: And this is why atheists should go full douche on religion. These people need to be openly mocked and ridiculed of for their wild imaginations just like alien abduction and Sasquatch believers.

Yeah, they openly mocked and ridiculed Noah too.

Uhhh... Noah didn't exist, nor did a global flood. Using a religious story from the religion being mocked to attempt to disprove said mockery is, beyond being circular, simply stupid.

Look I'm not saying that it definitely happened, and I'm not trying to defend anyone here but you can't make absolute statements like that either since you weren't there.  Either side of the debate can cook up scientists and experts to try and prove their point.

http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/evidence-suggests-biblical-great-fl oo d-noahs-time-happened/story?id=17884533#.UX7InsqyIs0

Saying it never happened simply "because it didn't happen" is also circular. Making absolute statements about something that we can't definitely prove either way is also kind of foolish.

Oohhh, that's a good dog whistle. "You weren't there". You weren't there when Jesus was born, so there's no proof he lived either. QED.

BTW... Robert Ballard is an idiot, and possibly a liar:  http://www.skepticink.com/lateraltruth/2012/12/19/robert-ballard-goes - out-of-his-depth/


Thanks for the link. :-)

"Only the Sith deal in absolutes." - Obiwan.
 
2013-04-29 03:45:55 PM  

nmemkha: MayoSlather: nmemkha: MayoSlather: There are lots of Christian types in this thread that are attempting to pull the "I'm a rational christian, not like this crazy guy." thing. And to that I say no, no you're not. You are just as batshiat.

We could care less what you think. You have more right to condemn our beliefs than we yours.

Go fark yourself you intolerant assbag.

Intolerance? Look everyone, a Christian is going to give us a lesson in intolerance.

Fark your fairy tales and the ignorant destruction they bring. Truth condemning lies is not intolerance.

If you act in the very manner you claim to hate in believers how are you any better? Because you think you right? Gee where have we heard that before? That and $5 will be you a cup of coffee these days.


I think I'm right? About religion being man made and there aren't imaginary people in the sky? Call it just a crazy hunch if you will, but yeah, I kinda sorta "think" I'm right.
 
2013-04-29 04:30:06 PM  

lilbjorn: [non-girlfriend.com image 350x198]

Y'all are slipping


FINALLY someone delivers
 
2013-04-29 04:33:33 PM  
From the article:

Stop drinking the Kool-Aid.

Now, if I recall correctly it was a church that made people drink poison cool aid in the first place, right?  Jim Jones Ministry.

I'm going to need a ruling from the Irony Police on this one.
 
2013-04-29 04:34:37 PM  
If only there were an all powerful deity who could have prevented this.
 
2013-04-29 04:35:42 PM  

stuhayes2010: [brianjones.com image 640x427]
Even as a little kid I would look at these people and think "they really believe they're talking to someone who is there?  I just don't get it."  30 years later, I still don't get it.  Sundays should be spent with friends and family, not handing money to a tax free organization.


I didn't have those kind of people in my churches, since I went to Catholic ones that did not encourage any kind of physical movement other than the kneeling when required thing, but from my earliest memories I thought the same thing you did. I wondered if the people around me were pretending to talk to someone who wasn't there, or if they really saw angels and saints and Jesus and god and I was the only one who didn't. As a tiny child, I decided that it must be something that was reserved for adults, like cigarettes and coffee and alcohol, all of which I hated but every adult seemed to love indulging in. I figured that, like sex, one day those things would also appeal to me and I'd also suddenly see or understand the stuff they talked about during mass. It never happened.

When I was 12, I told a priest in confession that I didn't believe any of it and never had, never experienced any of the religious stuff and wasn't interested in it. He told me to say some Hail Mary's and I left the booth and have never been back. I told my mother and grandmother they were going to mass without me the following week, and despite their anger, I stuck to my guns. I've only been in a church twice in the years since then, both times for family weddings. I and my also-atheist husband raised our kid with knowledge that religion exists in the world, we don't believe any of them, and she could make up her own mind about it when she was old enough.

We just don't have whatever is in some people's brains that allow them to believe in non-factual things. Either that or we have something in our brains that others lack that prevents us from swallowing bunk whole. Hmmm... I've also never sent money to Nigeria....
 
2013-04-29 04:38:53 PM  
I'm confused about point 4, " Stop reading the gospels in your daily time with God. Jesus constantly talked about the afterlife, especially hell. Let's be honest: it's pretty tiring to have to keep shielding your eyes from those verses while hunting for the gems that talk about how you can be happy and successful."

Cracked told me that Hell is only mentioned once, "Of all that, the only part you'll find in the Bible is <a target="c" data-cke-saved-href="http://bible.org/article/what-bible-says-about-he ll">the fact that Hell sucks and that there is fire (from passages like Matthew 13:42: "And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.") "( http://www.cracked.com/article_18757_5-things-you-wont-believe-arent- i n-bible_p2.html  )

Am I to believe Cracked lied?

\haven't read thread - genuinely curious
 
2013-04-29 04:55:02 PM  

letrole: The amusing thing here is the way that Atheists are still acknowledging God and giving Him glory -- albeit in bloody-minded defiance.


Oooh, I liked this one, Mr. Troll. :)

It's totally wrong, but I liked it.
 
2013-04-29 05:05:28 PM  

mcgreggers99: Look I'm not saying that it definitely happened, and I'm not trying to defend anyone here but you can't make absolute statements like that either since you weren't there.  Either side of the debate can cook up scientists and experts to try and prove their point.

http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/evidence-suggests-biblical-great-fl oo d-noahs-time-happened/story?id=17884533#.UX7InsqyIs0

Saying it never happened simply "because it didn't happen" is also circular. Making absolute statements about something that we can't definitely prove either way is also kind of foolish.


LOL! You didn't really read that story, did you?  All Ballard suggested was there was a LOCAL big flood, that he's thinking might be the one described in the Bible. Plus, he's only LOOKING FOR evidence. He didn't find anything yet, beyond what we already knew about the creation of the Black Sea being an abrupt event.
 
2013-04-29 05:30:22 PM  

AbiNormal: If only there were an all powerful deity who could have prevented this.


wrong thread.
 
2013-04-29 06:09:03 PM  
letrole: The amusing thing here is the way that Atheists are still acknowledging God and giving Him glory -- albeit in bloody-minded defiance.

Carn: What kind of mental hoops do you have to jump through to come to that conclusion? If I say Bigfoot doesn't exist, that proves Bigfoot exists?

Farking Canuck: His name is bastardized french for "The Troll". You really don't want to engage him.


My surname is Le Trôle.
 
2013-04-29 06:39:33 PM  

AbiNormal: AbiNormal: If only there were an all powerful deity who could have prevented this.

wrong thread.


You sure about that?
 
2013-04-29 07:23:01 PM  
Way back in high school I had a fundie girlfriend who would routinely mention my atheistic ass was going to hell.  My general response was "and I'm sure God is a happy you're farking the hellbound".

/yeah, i know, why even date this person?
//because she was a shockingly sexual creature, sue me
 
2013-04-29 07:37:23 PM  

alowishus: Which of these is the better person?

1. A Christian that believes I'm going to suffer for eternity, and tries to help me?
2. A Christian that believes I'm going to suffer for eternity, and does nothing for fear of being labeled a "dick"?


A christian who shuts the fark up about their delusions and refrains from threatening me on behalf of their imaginary friend.
 
2013-04-29 07:47:24 PM  
And the corrrect answer was..."Mormons. Everyone else is going to hell."
 
2013-04-29 08:08:34 PM  

Manic Depressive Mouse: I'm confused about point 4, " Stop reading the gospels in your daily time with God. Jesus constantly talked about the afterlife, especially hell. Let's be honest: it's pretty tiring to have to keep shielding your eyes from those verses while hunting for the gems that talk about how you can be happy and successful."

Cracked told me that Hell is only mentioned once, "Of all that, the only part you'll find in the Bible is <a target="c" data-cke-saved-href="http://bible.org/article/what-bible-says-about-he ll">the fact that Hell sucks and that there is fire (from passages like Matthew 13:42: "And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.") "( http://www.cracked.com/article_18757_5-things-you-wont-believe-arent- i n-bible_p2.html  )

Am I to believe Cracked lied?

\haven't read thread - genuinely curious


No, you did not comprehend what was written in the Cracked article very well.

Check out the paragraph on page 2 after the picture of the World Eater Chaos Space Marine.  Tell you what, I'll just reproduce it here.

i.crackedcdn.com

The Only Problem Is ...

Of all that, the only part you'll find in the Bible is the fact that Hell sucks and that there is fire (from passages like Matthew 13:42: "And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.")

And ... that's as specific as it gets.


Did you click on the link in that sentence?  It leads you to this page:   http://bible.org/article/what-bible-says-about-hell
...which contains several Biblical citations describing Hell.

The point of the Cracked article is that a lot of the crap that people think is written in the Bible is actually "from the Bible's extended universe and fan fiction."
 
2013-04-29 08:28:05 PM  
A lot of moderates don't really seem to believe in Hell. If they do, it's only on a very inconsistent basis. Sometimes this is because they're afraid to think of it. Other times it's because the idea of eternally torturing anybody is so morally abhorrent that they cannot bring themselves to simultaneously believe in it and in a loving God.

Hell is the reason I left Christianity. There is literally nobody in history whom I think deserves to suffer for eternity. Endless punishment is cruelty in its purest form: it accomplishes nothing.
 
2013-04-29 09:08:41 PM  

Farking Canuck: Carn: letrole: The amusing thing here is the way that Atheists are still acknowledging God and giving Him glory -- albeit in bloody-minded defiance.

What kind of mental hoops do you have to jump through to come to that conclusion?  If I say Bigfoot doesn't exist, that proves Bigfoot exists?

His name is bastardized french for "The Troll". You really don't want to engage him.


You'd think people would notice, or catch on after a while....but no.

Never ceases to amaze me.

/today's hook was actually quite good!
 
2013-04-29 10:28:02 PM  

alowishus: Which of these is the better person?

1. A Christian that believes I'm going to suffer for eternity, and tries to help me?
2. A Christian that believes I'm going to suffer for eternity, and does nothing for fear of being labeled a "dick"?


It depends.

Christian #1 usually asks about my background, hears I was raised in church but no longer go, and then proceeds to fervently "introduce" me to core concepts of their faith. ... True Christianity isn't a religion, you say? Gosh! I've never heard that one before! ... Why no, of course I've never "really thought about" any Sunday school lessons. Naturally, I left the church in adulthood because I completely misunderstood what it was really about. ... Well, that, and I've never experienced suffering, injustice, or the death of a loved one, so no need for God! ... Yeah, just pray real hard that I get terribly sick before I die so you Jesus can save me on my death bed, okay?

Christian #2 might simply be blessed with a grain of common sense, or believe in predestination, one or the other.
 
2013-04-29 10:32:02 PM  

silvervial: I figured that, like sex, one day those things would also appeal to me and I'd also suddenly see or understand the stuff they talked about during mass. It never happened.


I'm sorry to hear that, sex is a great part of life.

/Or so I hear.
 
2013-04-29 10:35:50 PM  

Manic Depressive Mouse: I'm confused about point 4, " Stop reading the gospels in your daily time with God. Jesus constantly talked about the afterlife, especially hell. Let's be honest: it's pretty tiring to have to keep shielding your eyes from those verses while hunting for the gems that talk about how you can be happy and successful."

Cracked told me that Hell is only mentioned once, "Of all that, the only part you'll find in the Bible is <a target="c" data-cke-saved-href="http://bible.org/article/what-bible-says-about-he ll">the fact that Hell sucks and that there is fire (from passages like Matthew 13:42: "And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.") "( http://www.cracked.com/article_18757_5-things-you-wont-believe-arent- i n-bible_p2.html  )

Am I to believe Cracked lied?

\haven't read thread - genuinely curious


So, the Cracked article was covered by someone else. Also, the author of this article is being sarcastic and snide, I'm pretty sure.
 
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