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(Chicago Sun-Times)   Benedictine monk arrested for trying to abduct underaged girls in his station wagon. With a totally not frightening mugshot   (suntimes.com) divider line 93
    More: Dumbass, Antioch High School, St. Benedict  
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17200 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Apr 2013 at 8:14 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-27 07:39:20 PM
When interviewed, the monk elected to remain silent.

Maybe he got tired of just using his psalms.

He claims he is not guilty because it was entrappistment.
 
2013-04-27 07:59:36 PM
When interviewed, the monk said his mother was Catholic and his father was Baptist. This created a paradox, and he could not ɟlǝsɯıɥ loɹʇuoɔ
 
2013-04-27 08:16:58 PM
"Come on, you're so beautiful, let me drive you home."

Has that ever worked?
 
2013-04-27 08:17:09 PM
So, another Chmura has been fooling around with underage girls in Wisconsin.
 
2013-04-27 08:17:18 PM
Time to start checking other missing girl cases in the area for the last 32 years.
 
2013-04-27 08:18:20 PM
I'm sure his penance will involve multiple ejaculations.
 
2013-04-27 08:19:53 PM
This whole country has gone crazy. It's getting to the point a 57y/o religious nut recluse can't even ask a 14 year old girl out on a date.

That's basically the all of biblical history right there, why do people hate Christianity?
 
2013-04-27 08:19:58 PM
What do you expect from a member of a religious order named after a liqueur?
 
2013-04-27 08:20:11 PM

Gwyrddu: I'm sure his penance will involve multiple ejaculations.


He'll be spending a lot of time on his knees.
 
2013-04-27 08:20:47 PM
Because prison rape is funny!
 
2013-04-27 08:21:19 PM
Antioch you say?

fc07.deviantart.net
 
2013-04-27 08:21:56 PM
  His street name was Chip...
 
2013-04-27 08:23:04 PM
A Benedictine monk from Wisconsin has been charged with trying to abduct a 14-year-old girl in Antioch last week.

This is how I interpret this.  He couldn't find the Holy Hand Grenade....had a little time to kill....made a stupid mistake.

www.wired.com
 
2013-04-27 08:23:14 PM
something about having that last name, and being from Wisconsin... seems to lead to statutory rape.
 
2013-04-27 08:26:53 PM
rnatalie....I should have refreshed first....sorry.
 
2013-04-27 08:28:41 PM
Goddammit you complete gits.

I thought of the holy hand grenade first
 
2013-04-27 08:29:37 PM
HOLY SCHNIKIES.

I thought monks were bald?  Isn't that a requirement?
 
2013-04-27 08:31:30 PM

FatherChaos: "Come on, you're so beautiful, let me drive you home."

Has that ever worked?


In a more innocent time it did.
 
2013-04-27 08:31:31 PM
He's a bad egg.
 
2013-04-27 08:31:35 PM

Wellon Dowd: What do you expect from a member of a religious order named after a liqueur?


Actually it's the other way round.
 
2013-04-27 08:31:56 PM
Way to reinforce stereotypes, Catholic clergy dude.
 
2013-04-27 08:32:43 PM
Go into the highways and byways and abduct children that my pedofeast may be full! It's in there somewhere right?
 
2013-04-27 08:34:06 PM
Rand Paul in ten years.
 
2013-04-27 08:34:18 PM
So if 14 is underaged, what is the age cutoff where you are allowed to abduct them?
 
2013-04-27 08:35:38 PM
"Officer, here's what happened . . . . "
 
2013-04-27 08:36:46 PM
I'm pretty sure this violates the rule of St. Benedict.

/Or maybe it doesn't.
 
2013-04-27 08:37:24 PM

Bathia_Mapes: Wellon Dowd: What do you expect from a member of a religious order named after a liqueur?

Actually it's the other way round.


I'm almost certain that was the joke.
 
2013-04-27 08:40:05 PM
anyone with a beard is either going through a crisis, is an ego maniac, or is a farking pedo rapist.

/prove me wrong
 
2013-04-27 08:41:12 PM
M. Chmura, 57, a monk who has been living at St. Benedict's Abbey in Benet Lake, Wis., for 32 years,

I can't imagine spending over half of one's life as a celibate God botherer.

I mean, I get that the original idea behind celibate priests was to avoid dynasties that could rival the rulers of the day in terms of wealth and power but that's hardly the case these days.
 
2013-04-27 08:41:28 PM

kidsizedcoffin: So if 14 is underaged, what is the age cutoff where you are allowed to abduct them?


Really, how old is 14?
 
2013-04-27 08:41:39 PM

FatherChaos: "Come on, you're so beautiful, let me drive you home."

Has that ever worked?


Hell, yeah!
 
2013-04-27 08:43:28 PM
Article is wrong.  The monk was from the Beendickinteen order not the Benedictines.
 
2013-04-27 08:44:13 PM

kidsizedcoffin: So if 14 is underaged, what is the age cutoff where you are allowed to abduct them?


Is it abduction if you drive them home and they want to go there?
 
2013-04-27 08:44:56 PM
Goodness - what would Brother Cadfael say?
 
2013-04-27 08:46:28 PM

redly1: anyone with a beard is either going through a crisis, is an ego maniac, or is a farking pedo rapist.

/prove me wrong


That's exactly what a non-bearded, ego-maniacal, pedo rapist going through a crisis would say.
 
2013-04-27 08:48:35 PM
I believe the age of consent should be based on who you follow. In this case with St Benedictine it is probably around 13 so let the guy go free.
 
2013-04-27 08:49:59 PM
"Come on, you're so beautiful, let me drive you home." When she refused, they said he told her, "Get in the car," but she ran, and he drove off. "

That is attempted abduction????

Where I live that is "Hello."
 
2013-04-27 08:50:08 PM

BarkingUnicorn: kidsizedcoffin: So if 14 is underaged, what is the age cutoff where you are allowed to abduct them?

Is it abduction if you drive them home and they want to go there?


That is up to the jury to decide.
 
2013-04-27 08:50:46 PM
Isn't he cutting into the priests racket? Oh.. wait. priests only diddle little boys.
 
2013-04-27 08:51:47 PM

grumpyoldmann: Isn't he cutting into the priests racket? Oh.. wait. priests only diddle little boys.


Yeah, monks are known pussy hounds.
 
2013-04-27 08:53:06 PM
What's with those guys? They go off by themselves for months at a time all alone in seclusion, just so they can eat some Hollandaise sauce breakfast dish.
 
2013-04-27 09:00:53 PM
Season 7 of Buffy all over again.
 
2013-04-27 09:00:58 PM
Well they have to get scribes somehow...
 
2013-04-27 09:03:32 PM

worlddan: "Come on, you're so beautiful, let me drive you home." When she refused, they said he told her, "Get in the car," but she ran, and he drove off. "

That is attempted abduction????


"Get in the car" could sound pretty aggressive depending on how he said it. But srsly not sure how this counts as attempted abduction. Without physical coercion, and withthe victim being 14 as opposed to an 8 year old who doesn't know any better, he's pretty much just being a creepy motherfarker, not a child abductor.

/Hey that last line kinda rhymed, sweet.
 
2013-04-27 09:07:03 PM
www.global-air.com
Check the status of any sex abuse case involving a Catholic priest or bishop by clicking the link above. (new window)
 
2013-04-27 09:07:26 PM

kidsizedcoffin: BarkingUnicorn: kidsizedcoffin: So if 14 is underaged, what is the age cutoff where you are allowed to abduct them?

Is it abduction if you drive them home and they want to go there?

That is up to the jury to decide.


Well no, that is for the law to specify.  Due process starts with fair notice of what is prohibited.
 
2013-04-27 09:10:06 PM

mongbiohazard: Way to reinforce stereotypes, Catholic clergy dude.


What are you talking about? The victim wasn't a boy.
 
2013-04-27 09:12:39 PM

ongbok: grumpyoldmann: Isn't he cutting into the priests racket? Oh.. wait. priests only diddle little boys.

Yeah, monks are known pussy hounds.


You mean they're not all ghey?

/nttawwt
 
2013-04-27 09:17:21 PM

catmandu: So, another Chmura has been fooling around with underage girls in Wisconsin.


thats what I was going to say
 
2013-04-27 09:18:17 PM
I have been abducted many times by St. Capuchin.


/hit me
 
2013-04-27 09:36:18 PM

ExtremeFajita: Because prison rape is funny!


Only when it happens to the other guy!
 
2013-04-27 09:40:43 PM
Wdho on earth would get into a car witHe looked like Charlie Manson minus the swastika.
 
2013-04-27 09:41:40 PM
The officer lost the car, but got the license plate number.

Friday night, officers spotted the vehicle driving on Route 83 and arrested Chmura.

If only there were some way for police to locate someone's address using something like a license-plate lookup service that cross-references addresses....
 
2013-04-27 09:46:20 PM

Resident Muslim: I have been abducted many times by St. Capuchin.


/hit me


The monkeys?
 
2013-04-27 10:11:06 PM

no clever name here just move along: catmandu: So, another Chmura has been fooling around with underage girls in Wisconsin.

thats what I was going to say


man, you finally get a chance to make a Chmura joke and two people beat you to it.
 
2013-04-27 10:31:23 PM

FatherChaos: "Come on, you're so beautiful, let me drive you home."

Has that ever worked?


Well, I'm sure.  How often has it worked from a station wagon?  Probably a bit less frequently.
 
2013-04-27 10:33:34 PM
The good news is he can still be a Boy Scout leader.
 
2013-04-27 10:39:21 PM
So, offering a girl a ride is now considered attempted kidnapping?
 
2013-04-27 11:01:07 PM

redly1: anyone with a beard is either going through a crisis, is an ego maniac, or is a farking pedo rapist.

/prove me wrong


farm5.staticflickr.com
 
2013-04-27 11:02:05 PM
Had he tried to abduct Brandy Norwood, this story would have been about

whiskeygoldmine.com
 
2013-04-27 11:02:37 PM
So, what law did he violate?  The article doesn't make that clear and from what the article stated, it doesn't seem like he did anything illegal.
 
2013-04-27 11:13:54 PM

redly1: anyone with a beard is either going through a crisis, is an ego maniac, is too broke to afford exorbitantly priced Gillette Fusion cartridges, or is a farking pedo rapist.

/prove me wrong


 fyp
 
2013-04-27 11:27:55 PM

LowbrowDeluxe: Bathia_Mapes: Wellon Dowd: What do you expect from a member of a religious order named after a liqueur?

Actually it's the other way round.

I'm almost certain that was the joke.


A joke? on fark? I don't get it.
 
2013-04-27 11:30:31 PM

sprgrss: So, what law did he violate?  The article doesn't make that clear and from what the article stated, it doesn't seem like he did anything illegal.


Umm... a grown adult male talked to a teen girl.
 
2013-04-27 11:32:14 PM
Girls?!  For a Catholic?  Well, there's a career limiting move for you.
 
2013-04-27 11:34:40 PM
kidsizedcoffin: So if 14 is underaged, what is the age cutoff where you are allowed to abduct them?
 
2013-04-27 11:36:35 PM
Wasn't 'Benedictine' the breed of Anne Frank's dog?

//Also, wtf is with Chmuras in WI?
///14 year olds Dude
 
2013-04-27 11:39:03 PM

redly1: anyone with a beard is either going through a crisis, is an ego maniac, or is a farking pedo rapist.

/prove me wrong


I've got a beard because not shaving means one less thing I have to pay for while I'm in college. Plus I'm not out to impress anyone anyway. Albeit I do keep it trimmed at least, otherwise it would end up getting in my way at some point.
 
2013-04-27 11:39:36 PM
✔  Catholic
✔  rape
✔  Antioch
✖  13th century

So close!
 
2013-04-27 11:43:56 PM

redly1: anyone with a beard is either going through a crisis, is an ego maniac, or is a farking pedo rapist.

/prove me wrong



As one of the younger high school teachers (also quite short), I keep a full beard because I get annoyed by the "You look like a student" comments I get when I'm clean shaven.  I use an electric trimmer about once every week or two just to keep it from being "homeless man beard" but nothing more.
 
2013-04-28 12:08:57 AM

ExtremeFajita: Because prison rape is funny!


If it happens to a rapist/pedo? Yes it is.
 
2013-04-28 12:17:35 AM
He couldn't help it; her name was Brandy.
 
2013-04-28 12:31:45 AM

Robert1966: He couldn't help it; her name was Brandy.


 you're a fine girl..what a good wife you would be
 
2013-04-28 12:33:09 AM

redly1: anyone with a beard is either going through a crisis, is an ego maniac, or is a farking pedo rapist.

/prove me wrong


2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-04-28 01:55:27 AM

redly1: anyone with a beard is either going through a crisis, is an ego maniac, or is a farking pedo rapist.

/prove me wrong


3.bp.blogspot.com
So why do you hate America, redly1?
Are you one of them Mooslim extremists?
 
2013-04-28 02:11:58 AM
I call BS, everyone knows the Clergy like the young boys.
 
2013-04-28 03:13:27 AM
www.suntimes.com

You cant fool me, Conan O'brien
 
2013-04-28 08:21:28 AM

Prey4reign: Article is wrong.  The monk was from the Beendickinteen order not the Benedictines.


Audienceclap.gif
 
2013-04-28 08:37:12 AM
That article looked like it was written by a 14 year old.
 
2013-04-28 08:54:07 AM

ISO15693: [www.suntimes.com image 240x180]

You cant fool me, Conan O'brien


Can't believe it took this long....  I swear to god that was the first thing I thought of when I saw the pic!
 
2013-04-28 09:20:26 AM
So she didn't get to meet the little bishop wearing a turtleneck?
 
2013-04-28 11:35:57 AM

ongbok: kidsizedcoffin: So if 14 is underaged, what is the age cutoff where you are allowed to abduct them?

Really, how old is 14?



One more than 13....... and 15 is Right Out.
 
2013-04-28 11:40:52 AM

FARK rebel soldier: kidsizedcoffin: So if 14 is underaged, what is the age cutoff where you are allowed to abduct them?



FRS, admit it, you just like playing with small boxes.
 
2013-04-28 11:43:03 AM

Oldiron_79: I call BS, everyone knows the Clergy like the young boys.



from behind, a 14 yr old girl Might look like a 14 yr old boy!
 
2013-04-28 11:48:46 AM

Oldiron_79: I call BS, everyone knows the Clergy like the young boys.




He is of the reformed sect.
 
2013-04-28 12:32:27 PM
It wasn't his fault - she looked like a boy.
 
2013-04-28 01:25:42 PM
FTFA: A Benedictine monk from Wisconsin has been charged with trying to abduct a 14-year-old girl in Antioch last week.

Hopefully the young women in Jerusalem, Alexandria, Constantinople and Rome are ok.

/surprised I haven't seen this already
 
2013-04-28 01:37:48 PM

serialsuicidebomber: FRS, admit it, you just like playing with small boxes.


This comment was revolting, clever, tasteless. I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats.
 
2013-04-28 01:52:45 PM

Somacandra: FTFA: A Benedictine monk from Wisconsin has been charged with trying to abduct a 14-year-old girl in Antioch last week.

Hopefully the young women in Jerusalem, Alexandria, Constantinople and Rome are ok.

/surprised I haven't seen this already


Get your dick out of the whores of Acre and maybe the syphillis will leave your eyes you Christ-worshipping idolatrous infidel.
 
2013-04-28 03:25:55 PM

TheHopeDiamond: Goodness - what would Brother Cadfael say?


"Oswin, you must give attention to how people respond.  Those who do not know you may think you of ill intent"
 
2013-04-28 11:12:53 PM
So from what I read, he offered a girl a ride home, and she freaked out and ran away... this is a crime why? I guess we should just start shipping kids back and forth to school inside of glass boxes, so that they never interact with another human being ever.
 
2013-04-28 11:20:37 PM
"Skidmore Drive"
She was asking for it.
 
2013-04-29 12:07:16 AM

Zebulon: So from what I read, he offered a girl a ride home, and she freaked out and ran away... this is a crime why? I guess we should just start shipping kids back and forth to school inside of glass boxes, so that they never interact with another human being ever.


Imagine if, instead of this wooly bearded monk, she had been offered a ride by nun. Would the nun be facing attempted kidnapping charges?
 
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