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(Metro)   Two men use chainsaws to amputate their limbs in an attempt to defraud insurance company. ProTip: Cuts were too clean to be caused by an motor vehicle accident   (metro.co.uk) divider line 82
    More: Dumbass, motor vehicle accident, GamePro  
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12894 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Apr 2013 at 9:00 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-27 10:27:24 PM  
The article was really lacking in detail. Lame
 
2013-04-27 10:31:16 PM  

Lsherm: thatboyoverthere: Oh Jesus christ. Is it too hard to 'fall' on a running chainsaw and claim it was an accident?

New chainsaws don't have locks that let you power it up and stay there, so yeah, it's hard.  An idling chainsaw can't cut through your entire arm - the chain will stop with little resistance, and you'd have to explain why you couldn't manage to get your body away in the two and a half minutes it would likely take to keep the blade running to cut all the way through.

A full running chainsaw, held by someone else, would still take some time to make it all the way through your arm, so you'd have to explain that.  It isn't like cutting off your hand with a lightsaber.


A simpler solution would be to just a band saw instead. They were made for cutting through meat and don't have the safety features of a chain saw.
 
2013-04-27 10:31:46 PM  
It's just a flesh wound.
 
2013-04-27 10:37:19 PM  
This seems underhanded.
 
2013-04-27 10:42:17 PM  
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-04-27 10:44:19 PM  
Sounds like they're not very handy
 
2013-04-27 10:46:48 PM  
Hmmm, conflicted here.

I find that I want to feel sorry for these poor bastards but I'm too cynical for that.

Also I would like to laugh at their stupidity here but can't as I have too much empathy.

So instead of doing either I'll just post a hotlinked Old-assed NatLamp cover to describe my reaction here...

blackgemrecords.com
 
2013-04-27 10:48:08 PM  
An motorin..What's your price for fraud?Just cut off one my hands.I'll be all right... handed.
 
2013-04-27 10:54:47 PM  

Gwyrddu: Lsherm: thatboyoverthere: Oh Jesus christ. Is it too hard to 'fall' on a running chainsaw and claim it was an accident?

New chainsaws don't have locks that let you power it up and stay there, so yeah, it's hard.  An idling chainsaw can't cut through your entire arm - the chain will stop with little resistance, and you'd have to explain why you couldn't manage to get your body away in the two and a half minutes it would likely take to keep the blade running to cut all the way through.

A full running chainsaw, held by someone else, would still take some time to make it all the way through your arm, so you'd have to explain that.  It isn't like cutting off your hand with a lightsaber.

A simpler solution would be to just a band saw instead. They were made for cutting through meat and don't have the safety features of a chain saw.


I was a butcher for five years and I worked a machine shop two years after that - I disagree.  You need a good amount of force to get anything through a band saw, especially once you hit bone.  I could see an accident that gets TO the bone, but to make it all the way through you need someone pushing on it for a good long while.  When we'd cut thawed ribs on the band saw you could make it through the meat in a second or two, but it took 4-10 seconds to get through the bone, and that was while pushing damn hard.

You could lose a finger quickly on a band saw, but a hand?  You'd have to work at it.
 
2013-04-27 10:56:31 PM  
Maybe they just wanted to fit in?
 
2013-04-27 11:36:13 PM  
www.patentlyqueer.com

"I'll bet they didn't even pay you ONE PENNY for you arm."
 
2013-04-27 11:57:00 PM  
How many comments on a fark thread to get through the stupid puns?

/trick question, they go on for infinity.....
 
2013-04-28 12:08:49 AM  

Krymson Tyde: I've heard some stupid shiat in my time, this ranks right near the top.


It's not the first time I've heard of such things.

thatboyoverthere: Oh Jesus christ. Is it too hard to 'fall' on a running chainsaw and claim it was an accident?


How?  At least the only one I used had a deadman switch.
 
2013-04-28 12:17:53 AM  
clothesonfilm.com


Nihilist #2: His girlfriend gave up her toe!

Nihilist #3: She though we'd be getting million dollars!

Nihilist #2: Iss not fair!
 
2013-04-28 12:18:58 AM  
I knew someone who put his arm in a wood chipper so he could be hooked on pain meds the rest of his life

/life didn't last too long.  I guess mangling an extremity increases the chances of a heart attack in the near future...
 
2013-04-28 12:22:45 AM  

RedWineBuzz: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 669x441]


*photo of The Hand*

How have I never seen this movie?!?! I must find it and watch it.
 
2013-04-28 12:25:29 AM  

FarkFarkFarkGOOSE: They will be fine; our country's immigration policy and upcoming national medical care provisions are froaght with hand outs.


Let's hope there are spelling hand outs.
 
2013-04-28 12:25:37 AM  
I'd like to think that if I was that desperate for money, with the promise of jailtime if i get caught anyway; I would just rob a bank.

Some people were just born to be idiots.
 
2013-04-28 12:29:38 AM  
Hey, let's not be too hard on them. As crime attempts go, these ones sounded pretty armless to me.
 
2013-04-28 12:39:08 AM  
It takes serious desperation for money to hack your limbs off with a chainsaw for any amount of money.  Permanent decapacitation is not worth it.
 
2013-04-28 12:39:52 AM  

thorthor: How many comments on a fark thread to get through the stupid puns?

/trick question, they go on for infinity.....


And sometimes Tom Swifties, Fano said disarmingly.
 
2013-04-28 12:41:14 AM  
Aren't you supposed to go down the river, not across it?
 
2013-04-28 01:47:41 AM  

brandent: Krymson Tyde: I've heard some stupid shiat in my time, this ranks right near the top.

Not as bad as the occasional Fark thread where some dude in India cuts off his own penis.


Well, at least that saves Darwin some time.
 
2013-04-28 01:47:42 AM  
Unless it involves the Necronomicon and my hand being possessed Im not cutting it off with a chainsaw.
 
2013-04-28 02:02:32 AM  
Shame these guys didnt do the gene pool a favour and just cut their peckers off
 
2013-04-28 03:09:39 AM  

equusdc: Nope.


LOL
 
2013-04-28 03:33:00 AM  

God-is-a-Taco: Spain has been going through tough times, but I'd rather have two hands than $2.5m.


This.  Did they even stop to think about what their life would be like afterward?  You couldn't even spend that £2,500,000 on something enjoyable.
 
2013-04-28 04:46:59 AM  

Caffandtranqs: It takes serious desperation for money to hack your limbs off with a chainsaw for any amount of money.  Permanent decapacitation is not worth it.


I think you meant incapacitation.

I read that initially as Permanent decapitation is not worth it. Decapitation would certainly not be worth it, plus decapitations tend to be permanent. Then I reread it.

I feel so sorry for the poor bastards I'd give them the money. I'm pretty sure they will still be suffering since permanent incapacitations are not worth it either.
 
2013-04-28 07:22:58 AM  
Apparently Stihl makes electric chainsaws as well. Who would have thought?
 
2013-04-28 09:44:39 AM  

MountainClimber: Nihilist #2: His girlfriend gave up her toe!

Nihilist #3: She though we'd be getting million dollars!

Nihilist #2: Iss not fair!


First thing I thought of :)

"Okay, so we take ze money you haf on you, und ve calls it eefen."
 
2013-04-28 11:36:56 AM  

echolimakilo: Apparently Stihl makes electric chainsaws as well. Who would have thought?


They're pretty common. But, what's pictured there is an MS 192T, which... isn't electric. "What photo should we use, Jimmy?" "Whatever the fark you want, Clyde. Don't worry about actually making it relate to the story."
 
2013-04-28 11:38:30 AM  

Tanthalas39: echolimakilo: Apparently Stihl makes electric chainsaws as well. Who would have thought?

They're pretty common. But, what's pictured there is an MS 192T, which... isn't electric. "What photo should we use, Jimmy?" "Whatever the fark you want, Clyde. Don't worry about actually making it relate to the story."


On second look, I think I'm mistaken. Oops.
 
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