If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Daily Mail)   Winning: Dear Cir, do U have NE nice eZ jobs 4 me 2 do?   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 174
    More: Sad, mr cameron, SMS language, mobile apps  
•       •       •

17382 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Apr 2013 at 12:24 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



174 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-04-25 06:21:28 PM  

Great Janitor: Kirzania: Great Janitor: I said, "I'm sorry, you're too dumb to work here if you think that's a fair deal."

Know how I know you haven't been laid off for an extended period of time with no job prospects in sight?
... Because that's how my gig goes. Thankfully, the salary's higher than that but it's just as ridiculous for my level of experience.

I've worked hourly, I've worked commission, I've worked hourly plus commission.  I've never worked salaried, and I never will.  My point of view is that if you're in a job and they are working you for 60 hours, you should be paid for all 60, with 20 at time and a half.  My last corporate level job the salaried people were paid their flat salaries and nothing more, but were expected to put in at least 50 hours.  I'm sorry, that's wrong.


Of course that's wrong, but you missed the point. When the landlord comes knocking, there's no gas in your piece of sh*t car (if you even have one), and the refrigerator has been cooling nothing but the air inside it for several weeks, you will take what you can get. If it seems like a stupid deal in the long term, it probably is... but in the short term, you have to eat.

If someone chooses eating and a roof over their heads rather than the street and starvation, I'd say that was a smart choice.
 
2013-04-25 06:23:49 PM  

Endive Wombat: When I used to manage restaurants, we would hire almost anyone.  The thought process was this - If you are willing to learn, we can turn you into a fine/upscale dining waiter or waitress.  I really did not discriminate based off the clothes they wore, often because they would simply come in for an application and if I or another manager was free, we'd often asked them if we could interview them on the spot.  That being said...

If you came in and asked to fill out an application and also asked for a pen...yeah...no, we are not hiring you.  I learned this mentality from another manager that I worked with in the past.  His philosophy was that to get a job as a waiter, all you really need is to not look like you are strung out and on a week long binger,  wear somewhat appropriate clothing, and HAVE A FARKING PEN ON YOU TO FILL OUT THE DAMN APP!!!

So when someone came in for a job application and asked for a pen, we answered this way:

"Why do you not have a pen on you if you knew you were job hunting today?  Look, I will give you a pen, I have to let you fill out the application by law, but I can tell you this much, I will not be reviewing your app or calling you back to schedule an interview."

Often they would look confused and ask why, to which we would respond:

"You came in here with the express purpose of filling out a job application, aside from making yourself presentable, your only other requirement is to fill out the app...the fact that you lack the foresight to understand that you need a pen shows me that you are ill equipped to handle even the most mundane of tasks here."

99/100 times they would just leave.


Maybe it's an industry thing but that seems a little arbitrary and pointless. I mean, would you show up for a programming job with a keyboard? Bad example maybe, I dunno. Seems a little off.

That said, any resume must be absolutely perfect in terms of grammar and spelling. Any error, even the smallest one, is a big hit. It's only 1-2 pages and it's how you sell yourself so if you can't be bothered to proof read it properly (and have multiple friends proof it for you!) then you're not a good hire IMHO. I tend to let formatting slide but I don't work in an industry where formatting skills are important. If I did it would be a different story.
 
2013-04-25 06:33:08 PM  

GalFriday: NumberFiveIsAlive: GalFriday: NumberFiveIsAlive: GalFriday: A Shambling Mound: This would be more amusing if it wasn't something I actually had to deal with on a daily basis.

This.
I got an email from 26 year-old PhD today with "you" spelled "u" and LOL and a smiley face in it.
I was like, "dude, you have a PhD, come on."

Might want to check that out with his university first.  We had a separated "Army officer" hire in as a civvy here.  Got a bad-conduct discharge a few years back (guy was about 130lbs overweight), and was never commissioned.  ALWAYS check credentials for academics, and special designations.  If he had a PhD, I'd love to see if it came from "West-South-Western Underwater Louisiana for Hurricane Katrina Victims University"

Not really.  The US Gov. gives rather high positions and pay to complete morons.  These morons all passed extensive background checks for decades even, had PhDs in whatever, some had military experience also.  The one thing they had in common was the ability to kiss the right ass at the right time.

/Why else pay someone 120K/year (my former boss) so he can tell you that you need to find your own mission, and then figure out how to do it on your own with zero resources and top-cover, and then tell you you're doing it wrong, and to try again every 2 months for several years.
//Yeah, that didn't go well.  Part of the reason why I'm headed out the door now

 I work in a DNA lab and we do testing for law enforcement agencies all over the world.  So, in order to work here, we underwent the background checks where they go talk to your old neighbors and take your DNA and all of that.  They even interviewed two ex-boyfriends of mine before I could work here, and I am former prosecutor.


You're a lawyer. You might have better luck if you left that off your resume.
 
2013-04-25 07:04:53 PM  

taliesinwi: It's your local team, or at least, it's variable across the company.


Kinda thought so. I've read RAVE reviews on Robert Half Technology, but have had almost no interaction with my local office over the last year. Same thing with a couple other placement agencies around here - some people SWEAR by them, but when I submit my resume all I hear is crickets.

Had one recruiter tell me, "If you see job openings for XYZ Company, let me know - I have a great relationship with them and can almost GUARANTEE you a spot!" Saw an opening for the company, emailed my rep...heard nothing for over a month. When he DID get back to me, it was, "Hey, just wanted to touch base and see how things are going - are you still in the job market?"
 
2013-04-25 07:22:56 PM  

Russ1642: "West-South-Western Underwater Louisiana for Hurricane Katrina Victims University"


You're silly..........WSWULHKVU is a damn good school.  They have the best underwater hurricane program in the country.
 
2013-04-25 07:54:24 PM  

rewind2846: Great Janitor: Kirzania: Great Janitor: I said, "I'm sorry, you're too dumb to work here if you think that's a fair deal."

Know how I know you haven't been laid off for an extended period of time with no job prospects in sight?
... Because that's how my gig goes. Thankfully, the salary's higher than that but it's just as ridiculous for my level of experience.

I've worked hourly, I've worked commission, I've worked hourly plus commission.  I've never worked salaried, and I never will.  My point of view is that if you're in a job and they are working you for 60 hours, you should be paid for all 60, with 20 at time and a half.  My last corporate level job the salaried people were paid their flat salaries and nothing more, but were expected to put in at least 50 hours.  I'm sorry, that's wrong.

Of course that's wrong, but you missed the point. When the landlord comes knocking, there's no gas in your piece of sh*t car (if you even have one), and the refrigerator has been cooling nothing but the air inside it for several weeks, you will take what you can get. If it seems like a stupid deal in the long term, it probably is... but in the short term, you have to eat.

If someone chooses eating and a roof over their heads rather than the street and starvation, I'd say that was a smart choice.


I've noticed that this post has caused a bit of hate towards me.  The part everyone is either forgetting or missing is that I already said that stuff like this is said to those who I've already determined I wasn't going to hire because of the text speech already on their application.  The guy I said this to I already wasn't going to hire.

Now, if someone is willing to work 60 hours a week, that's great.  They'd be better off getting a full time job where they are paid hourly and then getting a part time job.  The worst way to get paid is salaried.  Insulting when it breaks down to less than minimum wage.  I had a coworker who worked 50 hours a week as the assistant for a VP in the office.  Plus he was on conference calls most nights in the late evening, required to drop everything at a moment's notice 24 hours a day, 7 days a week because the needs of the VP's career came before anything that guy was doing.  He was salaried, so after hour 40, he was effectively working for free.  He told me at one point that he stopped going to the movies because he was tired of paying for the ticket and before the trailers were done he was forced to leave to head home and get on a conference call or send an email or look up something for his boss.  He also stopped dating because dates don't go well when you get called out of the date to assist the VP.  He started to rethink his career when he had to travel somewhere with the VP on a company trip.  The company covered his flight and hotel room, but it became clear that he was in a butt monkey position when after the company event they had attended was over, the VP went to some nice company paid for dinner for the big wigs of the company and the other company vendors.  He was told that he wasn't allowed to attend the dinner, that there was a McDonald's down the street (walking there, or paying for a cab),but he might be needed to assist so he might want to get his dinner to go.  One week we sat down and figured that he worked 90 hours one week.  That wasn't even minimum wage, or he worked 40 hours at pay and 50 for free.  My response was "My paycheck is smaller, but I get paid for every hour I work.  Effectively, you work two weeks and only get paid for one."
 
2013-04-25 08:41:19 PM  
s22.postimg.org
 
2013-04-25 09:01:38 PM  

AGremlin: Russ1642: "West-South-Western Underwater Louisiana for Hurricane Katrina Victims University"

You're silly..........WSWULHKVU is a damn good school.  They have the best underwater hurricane program in the country.


Why did you make it look like you're quoting me? You went out of your way to make it look like I wrote that, but I don't know why.
 
2013-04-25 09:36:31 PM  

Russ1642: AGremlin: Russ1642: "West-South-Western Underwater Louisiana for Hurricane Katrina Victims University"

You're silly..........WSWULHKVU is a damn good school.  They have the best underwater hurricane program in the country.

Why did you make it look like you're quoting me? You went out of your way to make it look like I wrote that, but I don't know why.


Probably because he doesn't like me or something...
WSWULHKVU is only good for basket weavers.  Their IT programs are a bit of a sham...
 
2013-04-25 09:51:08 PM  

serpent_sky: taliesinwi: s
Depending on how long the "taking a non career job to pay the bills" situation was, some would argue to leave it off the resume entirely.  It's not a point by point job history - it's a list of your experience that's relevant to the position ...

For me, it's almost 5 years now.  I didn't mind the work, and there was so little out there for so long, I sort of settled in, not quite realizing that there was even a chance someone would think my ability to write would change over that time period.  (I would dare say I was also optimistic that being a specialist in something very few people know about felt like job security and something that would help me earn decent money long term. I was incorrect.)   It would be quite the gap to leave hanging on the resume, I'm afraid.

I'll figure something out, I'm sure, but it's frustrating since I know I am not the only one being turned away from jobs I'm perfectly qualified to do because I had to deviate during "the great recession".   One of the things I know is I can learn just about anything (but math or science... please don't ask me to do math or science) and excel at it.  I've tried to make that the "framework" for what I have done the past few years - that I walked in knowing nothing and became an expert (though in slightly less self-important terms.) I guess I have to work on advertising that skill better. :)


I did the same with IT, totally not my field, but it's approaching 4 years now and I feel very very stuck.
 
2013-04-25 10:14:19 PM  

Endive Wombat: When I used to manage restaurants, we would hire almost anyone.  The thought process was this - If you are willing to learn, we can turn you into a fine/upscale dining waiter or waitress.  I really did not discriminate based off the clothes they wore, often because they would simply come in for an application and if I or another manager was free, we'd often asked them if we could interview them on the spot.  That being said...

If you came in and asked to fill out an application and also asked for a pen...yeah...no, we are not hiring you.  I learned this mentality from another manager that I worked with in the past.  His philosophy was that to get a job as a waiter, all you really need is to not look like you are strung out and on a week long binger,  wear somewhat appropriate clothing, and HAVE A FARKING PEN ON YOU TO FILL OUT THE DAMN APP!!!

So when someone came in for a job application and asked for a pen, we answered this way:

"Why do you not have a pen on you if you knew you were job hunting today?  Look, I will give you a pen, I have to let you fill out the application by law, but I can tell you this much, I will not be reviewing your app or calling you back to schedule an interview."

Often they would look confused and ask why, to which we would respond:

"You came in here with the express purpose of filling out a job application, aside from making yourself presentable, your only other requirement is to fill out the app...the fact that you lack the foresight to understand that you need a pen shows me that you are ill equipped to handle even the most mundane of tasks here."

99/100 times they would just leave.




Ur a farking twat. Seriously, power trip much? Idiot.
 
2013-04-25 10:29:50 PM  

Endive Wombat: When I used to manage restaurants, we would hire almost anyone.  The thought process was this - If you are willing to learn, we can turn you into a fine/upscale dining waiter or waitress.  I really did not discriminate based off the clothes they wore, often because they would simply come in for an application and if I or another manager was free, we'd often asked them if we could interview them on the spot.  That being said...

If you came in and asked to fill out an application and also asked for a pen...yeah...no, we are not hiring you.  I learned this mentality from another manager that I worked with in the past.  His philosophy was that to get a job as a waiter, all you really need is to not look like you are strung out and on a week long binger,  wear somewhat appropriate clothing, and HAVE A FARKING PEN ON YOU TO FILL OUT THE DAMN APP!!!

So when someone came in for a job application and asked for a pen, we answered this way:

"Why do you not have a pen on you if you knew you were job hunting today?  Look, I will give you a pen, I have to let you fill out the application by law, but I can tell you this much, I will not be reviewing your app or calling you back to schedule an interview."

Often they would look confused and ask why, to which we would respond:

"You came in here with the express purpose of filling out a job application, aside from making yourself presentable, your only other requirement is to fill out the app...the fact that you lack the foresight to understand that you need a pen shows me that you are ill equipped to handle even the most mundane of tasks here."

99/100 times they would just leave.




Also, I love how you posted this Csb like you were proud of it. Nice pics of your food in your profile as well . /sarcasm
 
2013-04-25 11:00:49 PM  

aspAddict: taliesinwi: It's your local team, or at least, it's variable across the company.

Kinda thought so. I've read RAVE reviews on Robert Half Technology, but have had almost no interaction with my local office over the last year. Same thing with a couple other placement agencies around here - some people SWEAR by them, but when I submit my resume all I hear is crickets.

Had one recruiter tell me, "If you see job openings for XYZ Company, let me know - I have a great relationship with them and can almost GUARANTEE you a spot!" Saw an opening for the company, emailed my rep...heard nothing for over a month. When he DID get back to me, it was, "Hey, just wanted to touch base and see how things are going - are you still in the job market?"



I have no experience with Robert Half Technology, but I did use Robert Half Accounting twice.  Both times, I had a full-time job within 48 hours of contacting them and letting them know I was looking for work.

Of course, that was before the economy tanked.  Who knows how I would do now?
 
2013-04-25 11:47:37 PM  

Russ1642: AGremlin: Russ1642: "West-South-Western Underwater Louisiana for Hurricane Katrina Victims University"

You're silly..........WSWULHKVU is a damn good school.  They have the best underwater hurricane program in the country.

Why did you make it look like you're quoting me? You went out of your way to make it look like I wrote that, but I don't know why.


I hit the quote button on your post....whoops.....no conspiracy here.  Sorry...hope you can she from my post that I was being facetious anyway.
 
2013-04-25 11:52:02 PM  

NumberFiveIsAlive: Russ1642: AGremlin: Russ1642: "West-South-Western Underwater Louisiana for Hurricane Katrina Victims University"

You're silly..........WSWULHKVU is a damn good school.  They have the best underwater hurricane program in the country.

Why did you make it look like you're quoting me? You went out of your way to make it look like I wrote that, but I don't know why.

Probably because he doesn't like me or something...
WSWULHKVU is only good for basket weavers.  Their IT programs are a bit of a sham...


Don't even know who you are...first time I've seen you post.  But I'm sure you're a great person?
 
2013-04-25 11:56:38 PM  

giftedmadness: Endive Wombat: When I used to manage restaurants, we would hire almost anyone.  The thought process was this - If you are willing to learn, we can turn you into a fine/upscale dining waiter or waitress.  I really did not discriminate based off the clothes they wore, often because they would simply come in for an application and if I or another manager was free, we'd often asked them if we could interview them on the spot.  That being said...

If you came in and asked to fill out an application and also asked for a pen...yeah...no, we are not hiring you.  I learned this mentality from another manager that I worked with in the past.  His philosophy was that to get a job as a waiter, all you really need is to not look like you are strung out and on a week long binger,  wear somewhat appropriate clothing, and HAVE A FARKING PEN ON YOU TO FILL OUT THE DAMN APP!!!

So when someone came in for a job application and asked for a pen, we answered this way:

"Why do you not have a pen on you if you knew you were job hunting today?  Look, I will give you a pen, I have to let you fill out the application by law, but I can tell you this much, I will not be reviewing your app or calling you back to schedule an interview."

Often they would look confused and ask why, to which we would respond:

"You came in here with the express purpose of filling out a job application, aside from making yourself presentable, your only other requirement is to fill out the app...the fact that you lack the foresight to understand that you need a pen shows me that you are ill equipped to handle even the most mundane of tasks here."

99/100 times they would just leave.

Ur a farking twat. Seriously, power trip much? Idiot.


To be fair, and I know I called him out for this arbitrary peeve, he pointed out that people came in to apply that didn't even bother to dress like they were wanting to be hired. I can imagine it was essentially a "last straw," as surely he wouldn't penalize someone that came in well-scrubbed and dressed as appropriately as they can manage just because they didn't come with a pen in hand.
 
2013-04-26 01:35:22 AM  

NumberFiveIsAlive: Russ1642: AGremlin: Russ1642: "West-South-Western Underwater Louisiana for Hurricane Katrina Victims University"

You're silly..........WSWULHKVU is a damn good school.  They have the best underwater hurricane program in the country.

Why did you make it look like you're quoting me? You went out of your way to make it look like I wrote that, but I don't know why.

Probably because he doesn't like me or something...
WSWULHKVU is only good for basket weavers.  Their IT programs are a bit of a sham...


Who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes?
 
2013-04-26 02:32:57 AM  
... and write applications in text speak ...

This makes me feel very, very good about my future employment prospects. In fact, if this is my competition, I should probably dust off my folder labelled "plan to assume leadership of Earth in event of Idiocracy."
 
2013-04-26 04:52:43 AM  
The hourly/salaried disease is spreading. I'm self-employed as a project/program manager, currently on a contract with a "Fortune 10" Big Oil co. Even while on a contract - which is feast or famine work - I'll respond to recruiters. The other day, a recruiter set me up for an interview with a bank (warning signal), and mentioned that I would be expected to work a "professional day". This means, bill for eight hours per day, work ten to twelve. The result is that your billable rate is discounted by X%, depending on how many free hours you work.

I know there are many folks out there who would love to have this sort of problem and my heart goes out to them. I'm sure it won't help you to know that it doesn't get easier. I have made massive investments in developing my career over the past 35+ years, the past 12 years self-employed. Graduate degrees, professional certification, ongoing education, networking, obsessing over the slightest nuance in a resume. It just doesn't end.

I could write pages of anecdotal stories detailing the frustration of dealing with recruiters and clients. The games played by many companies in dealing with human capital is downright atrocious, especially when management struts out the propaganda about their corporate culture and "our strength is our people".

It seemed back three decades ago, perhaps wrongly, that there was a somewhat more sincere compact between business and humans. As the years progressed I saw several times how companies will treat employees when the business environment heads South. While that's just the way the worm turns, it convinced me that being an employee is perhaps the worst way to make a living. An average human selling their labor is unlikely to leverage that into big money, with the exception of outliers such as entertainers, star athletes etc. Salaried employees have no leverage and job protection doesn't seem to exist any more. The obscene flip-side is that money can be leveraged into big money relatively easily.

/Good luck
/Rant finished.
 
2013-04-26 05:20:16 AM  

Great Janitor: One person I said "Okay, this position pays $19,760 a year salaried."  (that's $9.50/hour and the position wasn't salaried, no one worked over time in over three years).  The applicant shook his head.  "And do you have any problems working 60 hours a week salaried?"  The applicant said "No."  I said "Now, salaried means no over time, no extra money.  Your pay doesn't go up that week because you worked 60 hours instead of 40, and we're going to require at least 55 hours a week, but that $9.50 is only based on a 40 hour work week.  Is that okay?"  The applicant said "Yes."  I said "Now, to make this perfectly clear, if you take the job you can't complain that you are basically working 40 hours at $9.50 and 20 for free, because for those 20 hours on the 60 hour work weeks, you aren't getting any extra money.  We will expect you to work seven days a week.  That means you aren't getting paid for the weekends that we will expect you to work.  Are you fine with this?"  And he said "Yes."  I said, "I'm sorry, you're too dumb to work here if you think that's a fair deal."


According to federal law a salaried, or "exempt", position must pay a minimum of $455 per week. So your question was basically a non-starter, and savvy interviewees would be aware of that.

I've worked salaried positions at a few of my various jobs over the years, and although sometimes (during very busy periods) that required 60+ hour work weeks, the upside was that I didn't have a finite number of "sick" days and I wasn't docked if I came in late. As long as I got my work done, days off and hours were fairly flexible, unlike when I worked hourly and had to go to work with pneumonia because I couldn't afford unpaid time off. (I hope I infected my cheapo boss, too.)
 
2013-04-26 06:48:52 AM  
Pfft, never mind the applicants, the recruitment agencies can't write either.

www.alreet-fat-beast.com
 
2013-04-26 08:39:24 AM  

Meez: Everybody knows the best EZ job is being the guy inside the RedBox DVD machines ! You get a TV,  and a fridge and all you have to do is push DVDs out the slot !   Just knock on one and yell loudly to them that you want a job over and over again and they will push an application out the slot for you.


*favorited*
 
2013-04-26 11:23:14 AM  

NumberFiveIsAlive: aspAddict: NumberFiveIsAlive: //Need job in IT.  Not expecting 100K/year, but I need to at least be able to make rent and buy food for the family.

Not trying to violate Fark's TOS or anything, but have you checked into TekSystems? They're an IT recruiting agency, they have been SUPERB in my experience. They actually call/follow up/seem to care about placing people. It could just be my local team, but I am really impressed with their efforts. They landed me a position with a good company and got me WAY more salary than I was expecting - which is always nice. :)

Incidentally, my computer name is "JOHNNY5" so I', diggin' your Fark handle...

Yeah, I made my handle after a couple years of lurking on Fark.  Loved the first movie as a kid.  Then I saw jfivealive, saw his account pre-date mine, and I'm like DAMNIT!

I'll look into it, there are a couple agencies around here I'm also working with.  IT and medicine seem to be somewhat well represented with specialized staffing agencies for those industries.  Still nervous as hell, but at least I'm not a Chinese linguist trying to find work in bumfark Iowa.

/Articles like this make me happy that I'm literate
//Half of current work staff here have issues with tucking in their shirts and wearing pants that fit
///Above counts for some of the military here as well, sheesh


If the long road I am taking in my current company does not lead to an IT job (the reason I have school loans), I may have to take a look at this. I work for a great company but positions open up very slowly, especially in IT and related departments.
 
2013-04-26 08:27:47 PM  
Some youth do know the difference between text speak and good literacy.  Those are the ones who will be hired and good interviewers will be able to separate them.
 
Displayed 24 of 174 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report