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(Orlando Sentinel)   A woman told police the suspect was masturbating "so hard that his whole body was shaking." Apparently, that's inappropriate behavior on a beach   (orlandosentinel.com) divider line 81
    More: Florida, woman told, Ahem, beaches  
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7814 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Apr 2013 at 11:40 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-25 01:30:51 PM
Let he who has not masturbated on a beach and flung his steaming jizm onto the sand while singing "O Come, all ye Faithful" cast the first stone.
 
2013-04-25 01:37:15 PM
Was she hot?
 
2013-04-25 01:46:42 PM

DROxINxTHExWIND: And now, the Top 5 things that you absolutely do NOT want to see when you're in the middle of yanking one out:

5. The close-up porno camera angle showing the penis pumping into the vagina.


I would have gone with gaping bungholes.  What is with porno's recent obsession with gaping bungholes?  I'm watching a nice, sedate, pedestrian porno and then *BAM* all the sudden we're performing a colorectal exam.  I mean who wants to search for cancerous polyps with their junk in their hand?   Is this like crowd sourcing your healthcare?  I don't think the "wisdom of crowds" applies to cancer screenings.  Maybe if they had one of those cancer sniffing dogs in the scene...
 
2013-04-25 01:51:59 PM
Gerty MacDowell approves

/not obscure to english majors
 
2013-04-25 01:52:09 PM
The woman also told cops that the man was reportedly "doing it so hard that his whole body was shaking."
And how did that make you feel?
 
2013-04-25 02:33:27 PM
"so hard that his whole body was shaking."

So, not the first of the day.
 
2013-04-25 02:33:28 PM
It's my dick, I can wash it as fast as I want!
 
2013-04-25 02:35:51 PM
I wasn't masterbating. I was...uh...scratching. Yeah. Scratching. That's the ticket!
 
2013-04-25 02:37:33 PM

stuff: DROxINxTHExWIND: And now, the Top 5 things that you absolutely do NOT want to see when you're in the middle of yanking one out:

5. The close-up porno camera angle showing the penis pumping into the vagina.

I would have gone with gaping bungholes.  What is with porno's recent obsession with gaping bungholes?  I'm watching a nice, sedate, pedestrian porno and then *BAM* all the sudden we're performing a colorectal exam.  I mean who wants to search for cancerous polyps with their junk in their hand?   Is this like crowd sourcing your healthcare?  I don't think the "wisdom of crowds" applies to cancer screenings.  Maybe if they had one of those cancer sniffing dogs in the scene...


i am definately not into gaping bungholes...can take the close up of the penis in the vagina and it can be a little agressive but the bunghole...the rough stuff there just sort of makes me  fast foward thru or cover my eyes for a minute till they are done trying to show her appendix.
 
2013-04-25 02:37:49 PM
inb4: nude sun bather has epilepsy, nearsighted coont freaks out and calls the cops.
 
2013-04-25 02:38:27 PM

Tanukis_Parachute: stuff: DROxINxTHExWIND: And now, the Top 5 things that you absolutely do NOT want to see when you're in the middle of yanking one out:

5. The close-up porno camera angle showing the penis pumping into the vagina.

I would have gone with gaping bungholes.  What is with porno's recent obsession with gaping bungholes?  I'm watching a nice, sedate, pedestrian porno and then *BAM* all the sudden we're performing a colorectal exam.  I mean who wants to search for cancerous polyps with their junk in their hand?   Is this like crowd sourcing your healthcare?  I don't think the "wisdom of crowds" applies to cancer screenings.  Maybe if they had one of those cancer sniffing dogs in the scene...

i am definately not into gaping bungholes...can take the close up of the penis in the vagina and it can be a little agressive but the bunghole...the rough stuff there just sort of makes me  fast foward thru or cover my eyes for a minute till they are done trying to show her appendix.


BUNGHOLE THREAD!!!
 
2013-04-25 02:39:42 PM

colon_pow: Tanukis_Parachute: stuff: DROxINxTHExWIND: And now, the Top 5 things that you absolutely do NOT want to see when you're in the middle of yanking one out:

5. The close-up porno camera angle showing the penis pumping into the vagina.

I would have gone with gaping bungholes.  What is with porno's recent obsession with gaping bungholes?  I'm watching a nice, sedate, pedestrian porno and then *BAM* all the sudden we're performing a colorectal exam.  I mean who wants to search for cancerous polyps with their junk in their hand?   Is this like crowd sourcing your healthcare?  I don't think the "wisdom of crowds" applies to cancer screenings.  Maybe if they had one of those cancer sniffing dogs in the scene...

i am definately not into gaping bungholes...can take the close up of the penis in the vagina and it can be a little agressive but the bunghole...the rough stuff there just sort of makes me  fast foward thru or cover my eyes for a minute till they are done trying to show her appendix.

BUNGHOLE THREAD!!!


farm1.staticflickr.com
 
2013-04-25 02:59:40 PM

TrixieDelite: "His whole body was shaking."
Damn, that must have been a good one. Most men just make a face and get up like nothing happened.


I always thought that if a guy had sex with an epileptic for his first time, and she had a seizure when she climaxed, I bet he'd wonder what he was doing wrong the rest of his life.
 
2013-04-25 03:00:30 PM
that's NOT appropriate for the beach?  time to book a different vacation then...
 
2013-04-25 03:05:06 PM

colon_pow: BUNGHOLE THREAD!!!


www.signpictures.net
 
2013-04-25 03:49:12 PM

DROxINxTHExWIND: ...and the number one thing that you do NOT want to see when you're masturbating...

1. your child standing in the doorway looking scared and confused


Depends on what you're yanking it to... And, if you're in the south..

//so sorry
///must not say 'left that wide open'... must not say..
 
2013-04-25 04:04:01 PM

Sin_City_Superhero: colon_pow: BUNGHOLE THREAD!!!

[www.signpictures.net image 600x450]


The first time I drove by that place in Peabody (MA) I nearly drove off the road I was snickering so hard.

The runner up name I've seen on a few stores, but Denver is where I remember it from:   "Liquor Box"
 
2013-04-25 04:04:21 PM

Fano: I always thought that if a guy had sex with an epileptic for his first time, and she had a seizure when she climaxed, I bet he'd wonder what he was doing wrong the rest of his life.


I had a GF with epilepsy.  The problem was, when she had a seizure she wasn't 'there' anymore.

Seriously, guys that won't learn the ins and outs of their follow on girlfriends and wives are a problem.
 
2013-04-25 04:25:41 PM
Everyone knows you are supposed to do that at McDonalds.  That is why they call it a happy meal.  Duh.
 
2013-04-25 04:32:21 PM

mama2tnt: They see nothing wrong with this.


"The boy grows tall, the girl beautiful"

He's like, an inch taller than she is, that's not even "Tom Cruise tall".  I'd expect more tallness, like he could reach up and just pick the coconuts with his hands.

/is that movie even legal any more?  I wouldn't dare rent it, you probably end up on some list somewhere.
 
2013-04-25 04:32:51 PM

gibbon1: Fano: I always thought that if a guy had sex with an epileptic for his first time, and she had a seizure when she climaxed, I bet he'd wonder what he was doing wrong the rest of his life.

I had a GF with epilepsy.  The problem was, when she had a seizure she wasn't 'there' anymore.

Seriously, guys that won't learn the ins and outs of their follow on girlfriends and wives are a problem.


That's why women with Parkinson's are in such high demand.
 
2013-04-25 04:34:41 PM
Haven't we all publicly jacked it so hard you could see it from space?

/Warren Sapp's life has gotten really sad.
 
2013-04-25 04:37:21 PM

No Such Agency: mama2tnt: They see nothing wrong with this.

"The boy grows tall, the girl beautiful"

He's like, an inch taller than she is, that's not even "Tom Cruise tall".  I'd expect more tallness, like he could reach up and just pick the coconuts with his hands.

/is that movie even legal any more?  I wouldn't dare rent it, you probably end up on some list somewhere.


Yeah, they had it for sale at Target, and I was wondering if that was just a trap and Chris Hansen would be waiting outside to blindside anyone who bought a copy of the DVD.
 
2013-04-25 04:40:16 PM
25.media.tumblr.com

He had to use his hand? Amateur.
 
2013-04-25 04:56:12 PM

Uranus Is Huge!: [25.media.tumblr.com image 375x286]

He had to use his hand? Amateur.


/+74!
//underrated show
 
2013-04-25 06:46:55 PM

Wanking it on a beach is one thing, but you have to watch out for those close to you while you wank, the periwankles.


i41.tinypic.com
What a periwankle might look like
 
2013-04-25 06:53:51 PM

d23: offmymeds: themasterdebater: Coming from a woman who thinks her privates are dirty and would never touch them in her life.... I expected as much.

Maybe she just needs

[i.ebayimg.com image 300x275]

Off subject, but it says "Feminine douche."  What is masculine douche?  Someone not at work GIS that for me, please!


Glenn Beck
 
2013-04-25 07:20:03 PM
media.247sports.com
 
2013-04-25 09:59:53 PM
Probably just got a,bit of sunscreen in the peehole.  That'll make you writhe in pain.
 
2013-04-26 05:55:15 AM
They really should put up some signs, so I'll know in the future.
 
2013-04-26 02:28:38 PM

d23: offmymeds: themasterdebater: Coming from a woman who thinks her privates are dirty and would never touch them in her life.... I expected as much.

Maybe she just needs

[i.ebayimg.com image 300x275]

Off subject, but it says "Feminine douche."  What is masculine douche?


An enema.
 
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