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(Orlando Sentinel)   A woman told police the suspect was masturbating "so hard that his whole body was shaking." Apparently, that's inappropriate behavior on a beach   (orlandosentinel.com) divider line 81
    More: Florida, woman told, Ahem, beaches  
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7818 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Apr 2013 at 11:40 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



81 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-04-25 08:47:13 AM
Smathers Beach.  That's about right.
 
2013-04-25 11:42:01 AM
Why can't people just mind their own business?
 
2013-04-25 11:44:14 AM
That's called "climaxing".

I'm sure the sand is clumping up now like kitty litter.
 
2013-04-25 11:46:00 AM
"And soon thereafter he exploded in to flames...."
 
2013-04-25 11:46:50 AM
Driven by restrained desire
I want what I need
Shaking as her sex takes hold
I've lost all control

Temptation
Temptation

Drowning in a sea of rage
I taste the embrace
Helpless as it steals my soul
I've lost all control

Temptation
It never lets me down
Temptation
One foot in the ground

We exist in a world where the fear of
Iillusion is real
And we cling to the past to deny and confuse the ideal
Once inside, we can conceive and believe in a god we can't feel

I can't feel it
I can't feel it
I can't feel

Destined by a fate so cruel
And drugged to delight
Laughing as these lies unfold
I've lost all control

Temptation
It never lets me down
Temptation
One foot in the ground
Temptation
You satisfy my soul
Temptation
I've lost all control
 
2013-04-25 11:47:25 AM
He must have been using the 'Reverse Overhand' grip.
 
2013-04-25 11:47:37 AM
I believe the proper terminology is "masturbating furiously".
 
2013-04-25 11:48:05 AM
Been to Key West, there are lots of weird people that visit there. This would be among the top of the list for me.
 
2013-04-25 11:48:07 AM
Cops noted in their report that Slocumb was sober before hauling him to the pokey.

That surely took the wind out of his sail.


img.photobucket.com

Likes the cut of your jib.
 
2013-04-25 11:48:53 AM
Uncle Phil?!?
 
2013-04-25 11:50:19 AM
BATTER UP!!!
Baby batter that is.
 
2013-04-25 11:50:44 AM
Coming from a woman who thinks her privates are dirty and would never touch them in her life.... I expected as much.
 
2013-04-25 11:51:29 AM
Fap.
 
2013-04-25 11:52:06 AM
Now has this song in my head...

media.tumblr.com


\as do you..
 
2013-04-25 11:52:54 AM
www.sandypalmsbahamas.com
 
2013-04-25 11:54:15 AM
Well, who else is going to apply the sun screen?
 
2013-04-25 11:54:40 AM
Elijah Slocumb  is my porn star name.
 
2013-04-25 11:55:04 AM
He was doing it right.
 
2013-04-25 11:55:38 AM
"His whole body was shaking."
Damn, that must have been a good one. Most men just make a face and get up like nothing happened.
 
2013-04-25 11:56:50 AM

themasterdebater: Coming from a woman who thinks her privates are dirty and would never touch them in her life.... I expected as much.


Maybe she just needs

i.ebayimg.com
 
2013-04-25 11:59:42 AM
Where else would you go on a date with Pamela Handerson?
 
182
2013-04-25 11:59:49 AM
man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
 
2013-04-25 12:01:29 PM
I'm sorry, I thought this was America.
 
2013-04-25 12:04:40 PM
upload.wikimedia.org They see nothing wrong with this.
 
2013-04-25 12:06:36 PM
Quivers down the backbone
Yeah, the shakes in the knee bone
I got the tremors in the thigh bone
Shakin' all over

Well, you make me shake and I like it, baby
You make me shake and I like it, baby
 
2013-04-25 12:10:24 PM

TrixieDelite: "His whole body was shaking."
Damn, that must have been a good one. Most men just make a face and get up like nothing happened.


They are faking it for your benefit then.
 
2013-04-25 12:10:40 PM

TrixieDelite: "His whole body was shaking."
Damn, that must have been a good one. Most men just make a face and get up like nothing happened.


Looking at his picture in the article I am guessing it was just Newtons Third Law:

When a first body exerts a force F1 on a second body, the second body simultaneously exerts a force F2 = −F1 on the first body. This means that F1 and F2 are equal in magnitude and opposite in direction.

If you know what I mean. And I think you do.
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-04-25 12:15:30 PM

offmymeds: themasterdebater: Coming from a woman who thinks her privates are dirty and would never touch them in her life.... I expected as much.

Maybe she just needs

[i.ebayimg.com image 300x275]


Off subject, but it says "Feminine douche."  What is masculine douche?  Someone not at work GIS that for me, please!
 
2013-04-25 12:15:46 PM
I hope he was in Captain Morgan pose as he was whackin it
 
2013-04-25 12:16:04 PM
Well I said shake baby shake
I said shake baby shake
I said shake it baby shake it
I said shake baby shake
Come on over
Whole lot of shakin goin' on

Ahhhhh Let's Go !
 
2013-04-25 12:17:03 PM
Linking to a story behind a pay wall. #fail
 
2013-04-25 12:17:22 PM

offmymeds: Maybe she just needs


Sorry, women need to know that salt, soda or homemade solutions are not the way to go.

merrillmarkoe.com
 
2013-04-25 12:19:29 PM
I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumbling down
I feel my heart start to trembling
Whenever you're around
 
2013-04-25 12:28:47 PM
As soon as the man, later identified as Elijah Slocumb, of Key West, spotted the cop, he "immediately grabbed a small blue towel" and appeared to wipe his hands with it, the affidavit stated.

At least he got to finish.

/...unless he was just wiping off the lube.
 
2013-04-25 12:31:46 PM
Huh huh! Huh huh!

images.sodahead.com

His name is Slow-Cum!

Huh huh!
 
2013-04-25 12:32:34 PM
Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I've got to tell you if when I got here someone had told me this sort of thing was frowned upon, this whole thing could have been avoided.
 
2013-04-25 12:34:18 PM
I came for the Seinfeld reference, he came for the 20-something in a bikini.
 
2013-04-25 12:34:55 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-04-25 12:36:14 PM
Was it shaking for the entire process, or just as he got down to the vinegar strokes?
 
2013-04-25 12:38:10 PM
And now, the Top 5 things that you absolutely do NOT want to see when you're in the middle of yanking one out:

5. The close-up porno camera angle showing the penis pumping into the vagina.

4. A picture of your grandparents

3. A police officer headed in your direction

2. The little "buffering" symbol on your computer

...and the number one thing that you do NOT want to see when you're masturbating...

1. your child standing in the doorway looking scared and confused
 
2013-04-25 12:40:00 PM
Inappropriate, yes, but great technique!
 
2013-04-25 12:40:04 PM

Prank Call of Cthulhu: Was it shaking for the entire process, or just as he got down to the vinegar strokes?



He seems lke the type of guy who likes to keep himself on the edge of the launching pad.
 
2013-04-25 12:40:53 PM

d23: offmymeds: themasterdebater: Coming from a woman who thinks her privates are dirty and would never touch them in her life.... I expected as much.

Maybe she just needs

[i.ebayimg.com image 300x275]

Off subject, but it says "Feminine douche."  What is masculine douche?  Someone not at work GIS that for me, please!


Beer
 
2013-04-25 12:52:32 PM
DROxInXTHExWINDAnd now, the Top 5 things that you absolutely do NOT want to see when you're in the middle of yanking one out:

5. The close-up porno camera angle showing the penis pumping into the vagina.



Yeah, well, that's just, like your opinion, man.
 
2013-04-25 12:53:54 PM
that's inappropriate behavior on a beach
Not if your doing it right.
 
2013-04-25 12:54:02 PM
and his fark username is?
 
2013-04-25 12:54:29 PM
I was all prepared to be faux-appalled until I read that this happened in Key West.
 
2013-04-25 12:59:35 PM

d23: offmymeds: themasterdebater: Coming from a woman who thinks her privates are dirty and would never touch them in her life.... I expected as much.

Maybe she just needs

[i.ebayimg.com image 300x275]

Off subject, but it says "Feminine douche."  What is masculine douche?  Someone not at work GIS that for me, please!


Does this pic should help?


www.contactmusic.com
 
2013-04-25 01:10:44 PM
StrikitRich:  Does this pic should help?


Proof reading usually does help.
 
2013-04-25 01:29:55 PM
He gave himself a Rusty Venture?
 
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