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(io9)   Twelve fictional afterlives worse than hell   (io9.com) divider line 81
    More: Interesting, clerical error, Albert Brooks, Hellfire missile, Heimlich maneuver, afterlifes, backup dancer  
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9374 clicks; posted to Geek » on 24 Apr 2013 at 10:14 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-24 08:58:08 PM
Curiously Absent:

24.media.tumblr.com

Hell is in the eye of the beholder. In this case, it's being reduced to a gestalt universal consciousness.
 
2013-04-24 10:24:01 PM
DNRTA.

Is Detroit there?
 
2013-04-24 10:24:46 PM
In the afterlife
You could be headed for the serious strife
Now you make the scene all day
But tomorrow there'll be hell to pay

People listen attentively
I mean about future calamity
I used to think the idea was obsolete
Until I heard the old man stamping his feet.

This is a place where eternally
Fire is applied to the body
Teeth are extruded and bones are ground
Then baked into cakes which are passed around.

Beauty, talent, fame, money, refinement
Top skill and brain
But all the things you try to hide
Will be revealed on the other side.

Now the d and the a and the m
And the n and the a
And the t and the i-o-n
Lose your face, lose your name
Then get fitted for a suit of flame
 
2013-04-24 10:25:13 PM
Also, the containment.. twinkie thing from the ghost busters / real ghost busters.
 
2013-04-24 10:28:11 PM
I always hated Defending Your Life. Glad this article called it out. Albert Brooks stinks.
 
2013-04-24 10:32:40 PM
Forgot Harry Potter: hanging out at the damn school, frequently trapped in a painting.
 
2013-04-24 10:33:04 PM
No Little Nicky?

I mean, getting pineapples shoved up your ass for eternity is probably worse than hell
 
2013-04-24 10:34:31 PM
Subby: Don't you mean 12 other fictional afterlives worse than hell?
 
2013-04-24 10:37:56 PM

lordargent: In the afterlife
You could be headed for the serious strife
Now you make the scene all day
But tomorrow there'll be hell to pay

People listen attentively
I mean about future calamity
I used to think the idea was obsolete
Until I heard the old man stamping his feet.

This is a place where eternally
Fire is applied to the body
Teeth are extruded and bones are ground
Then baked into cakes which are passed around.

Beauty, talent, fame, money, refinement
Top skill and brain
But all the things you try to hide
Will be revealed on the other side.

Now the d and the a and the m
And the n and the a
And the t and the i-o-n
Lose your face, lose your name
Then get fitted for a suit of flame


I never read the lyrics before. I thought it was a two-tone flame. But I've always been bad with lyrics.
 
2013-04-24 10:39:13 PM
I always thought the Borg hivemind was a version of hell.  Forever trapped inside your own head, your body being operated by a foreign intelligence, always surrounded by countless trillions of voices that know every single thing about you.

Forever insignificant, just another cog in a mind-blowingly vast machine.  A real implementation of the total perspective chair from the Hitchiker's guide.

At least in real life, you can delude yourself into believing that something you do matters.
 
2013-04-24 10:40:06 PM
Subby, are you implying hell isn't fictional?
 
2013-04-24 10:41:49 PM
I would have liked What Dreams May Come more if they'd kept the original downer ending from the book
 
2013-04-24 10:42:58 PM

John Dewey: Subby, are you implying hell isn't fictional?


It's not fictional

mackers-world.com

Not sure how it relates to the afterlife though . . .
 
2013-04-24 10:43:59 PM

Sandwyrm: I always thought the Borg hivemind was a version of hell.  Forever trapped inside your own head, your body being operated by a foreign intelligence, always surrounded by countless trillions of voices that know every single thing about you.

Forever insignificant, just another cog in a mind-blowingly vast machine.  A real implementation of the total perspective chair from the Hitchiker's guide.

At least in real life, you can delude yourself into believing that something you do matters.


Except if the Borg assimilate masturbation. Given enough population you'd always have a part of your mind hitting orgasm.
You won't care if something you do matters.
 
2013-04-24 10:50:47 PM
sxacho : I never read the lyrics before. I thought it was a two-tone flame. But I've always been bad with lyrics.

I copy/pasted and didn't validate first, but based on what I've seen from lyric sites before, you're probably right :P
 
2013-04-24 11:00:28 PM

hardinparamedic: Curiously Absent:

[24.media.tumblr.com image 500x279]

Hell is in the eye of the beholder. In this case, it's being reduced to a gestalt universal consciousness.


Made me think of a universal clitoris.

Anyway, this hardly covered all fiction.  My vote would have gone to Iain Bank's Surface Detail.
 
2013-04-24 11:03:56 PM

Vanis: Sandwyrm: I always thought the Borg hivemind was a version of hell.  Forever trapped inside your own head, your body being operated by a foreign intelligence, always surrounded by countless trillions of voices that know every single thing about you.

Forever insignificant, just another cog in a mind-blowingly vast machine.  A real implementation of the total perspective chair from the Hitchiker's guide.



That's not how I understood it at all. I always understood it as you lose your sense of self and become one more part of a sort of Borg "godhead"and as an individual ceased to exist. You never feel trapped or insignificant because you don't exist except as a cell in the Borg brain. The Borg are the ants while the colony, or Borg Collective, is the organism.

But I'm probably wrong. Not that I'd want anything to do with the Borg either way. Scary farkers.
 
2013-04-24 11:08:00 PM
I always thought the Vertigo universe's concept of hell was uniquely frightening. Not too different in the basic mechanics from the typical depiction, but two important details change on who goes there:

1) You don't go unless you believe you deserve to be there.
2) Before you make that decision, you are shown the ultimate impacts of everything you've ever done.

Hell is a populous place in the Vertigo universe.
 
2013-04-24 11:08:25 PM

To The Escape Zeppelin!: Vanis: Sandwyrm: I always thought the Borg hivemind was a version of hell.  Forever trapped inside your own head, your body being operated by a foreign intelligence, always surrounded by countless trillions of voices that know every single thing about you.

Forever insignificant, just another cog in a mind-blowingly vast machine.  A real implementation of the total perspective chair from the Hitchiker's guide.


That's not how I understood it at all. I always understood it as you lose your sense of self and become one more part of a sort of Borg "godhead"and as an individual ceased to exist. You never feel trapped or insignificant because you don't exist except as a cell in the Borg brain. The Borg are the ants while the colony, or Borg Collective, is the organism.

But I'm probably wrong. Not that I'd want anything to do with the Borg either way. Scary farkers.



By the time we got to Voyager, the borg had been retconned with lazy writing to the point that some borg had a special hidden matrix vacation land that they could visit while regenerating in their alcoves.

http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Unimatrix_Zero

also the borg stopped being interesting when the writers decided we needed to have a queen so that we could talk to it.
 
2013-04-24 11:16:11 PM

JasonOfOrillia: hardinparamedic: Curiously Absent:

[24.media.tumblr.com image 500x279]

Hell is in the eye of the beholder. In this case, it's being reduced to a gestalt universal consciousness.

Made me think of a universal clitoris.

Anyway, this hardly covered all fiction.  My vote would have gone to Iain Bank's Surface Detail.


Surface Detail was the first thing I thought of as well.
 
2013-04-24 11:16:26 PM
I spent three years in tech support.

I fear no hell.
 
2013-04-24 11:18:01 PM

To The Escape Zeppelin!: Vanis: Sandwyrm: I always thought the Borg hivemind was a version of hell.  Forever trapped inside your own head, your body being operated by a foreign intelligence, always surrounded by countless trillions of voices that know every single thing about you.

Forever insignificant, just another cog in a mind-blowingly vast machine.  A real implementation of the total perspective chair from the Hitchiker's guide.


That's not how I understood it at all. I always understood it as you lose your sense of self and become one more part of a sort of Borg "godhead"and as an individual ceased to exist. You never feel trapped or insignificant because you don't exist except as a cell in the Borg brain. The Borg are the ants while the colony, or Borg Collective, is the organism.

But I'm probably wrong. Not that I'd want anything to do with the Borg either way. Scary farkers.



In Peter David's "Vendetta", as a minor side-plot, Picard's crew capture and de-assimilate a human who was converted while a child. She really, really, really wanted to go back to the Borg, and ended up committing suicide by the end of the novel. She felt totally alone among normal people.
 
2013-04-24 11:23:37 PM
media.screened.com
Which hell?  Chinese got a lotta hells...
 
2013-04-24 11:41:55 PM

OtherLittleGuy: DNRTA.

Is Detroit there?


Detroit's not real?
 
2013-04-24 11:42:48 PM

wildcardjack: I spent three years in tech support.

I fear no hell.


Pfft. Customer service is WAY worse than tech support, imo. At least you don't get people accusing you of stealing from them.
 
2013-04-24 11:46:09 PM

PC LOAD LETTER: Forgot Harry Potter: hanging out at the damn school, frequently trapped in a painting.


I only read like the first three books from that series, but I've heard the painting ghosts actually get to move around and have sex in each others frames.  So that's more like an eternal swinger's party.
 
2013-04-24 11:46:23 PM

fusillade762: wildcardjack: I spent three years in tech support.

I fear no hell.

Pfft. Customer service is WAY worse than tech support, imo. At least you don't get people accusing you of stealing from them.


Hah! "It's not working, I pay my bill on time and it's supposed to be always working, you owe me eleventy billion dollars!"
 
2013-04-24 11:53:03 PM
I live my life well so that maybe someday, I can get a ticket on the number 9.
 
2013-04-25 12:01:47 AM
Back on topic, I guess I don't see the problem with Field of Dreams' afterlife. Archie realized that all the good he'd done in life as a doctor meant more to him than playing baseball would have. And not one player on that field looked down on him for making that decision.
 
2013-04-25 12:29:09 AM
Was hoping "The Beyond" would make it.
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-04-25 12:33:32 AM

fusillade762: wildcardjack: I spent three years in tech support.

I fear no hell.

Pfft. Customer service is WAY worse than tech support, imo. At least you don't get people accusing you of stealing from them.


Still treat it the same way as you would treat hell. That demon whipping you is just going through the motions, you're already dead (not just inside) so there's nothing going on that's worth worrying about.

Stoicism: It's like Zen with attitude.
 
2013-04-25 12:39:15 AM
img37.imageshack.us
 
2013-04-25 12:48:50 AM

fusillade762: JasonOfOrillia: hardinparamedic: Curiously Absent:

[24.media.tumblr.com image 500x279]

Hell is in the eye of the beholder. In this case, it's being reduced to a gestalt universal consciousness.

Made me think of a universal clitoris.

Anyway, this hardly covered all fiction.  My vote would have gone to Iain Bank's Surface Detail.

Surface Detail was the first thing I thought of as well.


The Answer is the Third Impact. :)
 
2013-04-25 01:34:10 AM
Notably absent are The One (Jet Li) and The Black Hole (Disney).

/it's also best to stay on the good side of Enma Ai
 
2013-04-25 01:39:18 AM
Man, I just realized the article left out the Piggies and clones from the Ender's Game universe.  Imagine spending your afterlife as a character in an Orson Scott Card novel.
 
2013-04-25 02:00:03 AM

costermonger: [img37.imageshack.us image 300x457]


Never having read any of that series, what would be a good starting point?
 
2013-04-25 02:15:39 AM

DigitalCoffee: Notably absent are The One (Jet Li)


That's not an afterlife.  That's a prison dimension.
 
2013-04-25 02:22:48 AM
Having your soul devoured by Warp-beasts because whoops somebody started a Tzeentchian cult in your hive stack.
 
2013-04-25 02:35:31 AM
This made me thing of the manga Berserk. Not of its concept of the afterlife as a whole, but of a specific set of circumstances that can occur in the story. Basically, if a special breed of demons kill someone (usually by eating that person), that person's soul will land in Hell forever regardless of what they did in life. The story spares no detail in showing what an utterly farked up fate this is for anyone, and it's not exactly the bad guys who get this treatment.
 
2013-04-25 02:47:23 AM

Ramien: fusillade762: wildcardjack: I spent three years in tech support.

I fear no hell.

Pfft. Customer service is WAY worse than tech support, imo. At least you don't get people accusing you of stealing from them.

Hah! "It's not working, I pay my bill on time and it's supposed to be always working, you owe me eleventy billion dollars!"


Seriously, I did support for a pre-paid phone company I had people threaten to murder me over losing twenty cents because of a text they claim they never received.
 
2013-04-25 03:52:44 AM
RatMaster999: media.screened.com
Which hell?  Chinese got a lotta hells...

I was going to suggest the Hell of The Upside Down Sinners.

But, didn't quite make it in time.

/tiny fist
 
2013-04-25 04:02:32 AM

TommyDeuce: John Dewey: Subby, are you implying hell isn't fictional?

It's not fictional

[mackers-world.com image 400x300]

Not sure how it relates to the afterlife though . . .


Sure looks like a snow day in Hell.
 
2013-04-25 04:36:51 AM
Having to sit in some perfect utopia where I'm forced to 'watch over' my still living family members... would kind of suck and be pretty boring.

I love my family, don't get me wrong, but I really wouldn't want to spend all my time watching everything they do. Nor do I think my dead relatives have any business watching what I do... that whole concept is kind of creepy, really.

My Mom is convinced that my Grandma is both simultaneously in heaven and watching over her/visiting her all the time. You know, "making things happen", or playing some part in every single good thing that happens in my Mom's life now. Generally, I feel like my Mom's beliefs about my Grandma's death are unhealthy for her. She's never going to 'move on' or even really accept my Grandma's death.
 
2013-04-25 04:38:15 AM
Who has been good in his life on Earth
Will become an angel when he dies
You look to the sky and ask
Why can't you see them?

Only when the clouds have gone to sleep
Can you see us in the sky
We are afraid and alone

God knows I don't want to be an angel

They live behind the sunshine
Separated from us infinitely far
They must cling to the stars (very tightly)
So they don't fall from the sky

Only when the clouds have gone to sleep
Can you see us in the sky
We are afraid and alone

God knows I don't want to be an angel

"Engel" by Rammstein
 
2013-04-25 05:48:14 AM
list forgot

www.sitcomsonline.com
 
2013-04-25 06:44:58 AM

PC LOAD LETTER: Forgot Harry Potter: hanging out at the damn school, frequently trapped in a painting.


Eh, not really them.  It's like taking a person, making an VI (virtual intelligence) out of them, and putting it into a computer you can interact with (and one that is aware that it is an VI as well).  While they may have the same thoughts and personality as their physical being, the physical being is still gone.

And I say VI instead of AI because I don't think they can learn new things.
 
2013-04-25 06:49:00 AM
Also...Hell is other people
 
2013-04-25 06:58:38 AM

evilmousse: list forgot


Which is hell, spending eternity with a flat-chested nagging biatch or a black child?
 
2013-04-25 08:08:06 AM

Muta: Which is hell, spending eternity with a flat-chested nagging biatch or a black child?


1980s cartoon writers
 
2013-04-25 08:33:03 AM

Burr: PC LOAD LETTER: Forgot Harry Potter: hanging out at the damn school, frequently trapped in a painting.

Eh, not really them.  It's like taking a person, making an VI (virtual intelligence) out of them, and putting it into a computer you can interact with (and one that is aware that it is an VI as well).  While they may have the same thoughts and personality as their physical being, the physical being is still gone.

And I say VI instead of AI because I don't think they can learn new things.


Yeah. The moving pictures aren't the people themselves, some of the moving pictures are made before the person dies even. They even have restrictions on their behaviors in some cases.  The paintings in the headmaster's office are forced to obey the headmaster regardless of the personalty of the person who is painted.

/Oh god I just went harry potter nerd.
//It's not so bad I'm read the whole series to my niece last summer
 
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