Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(KSTU FOX 13)   Not news: Clergyman assists woman being assaulted. Fark: clergyman assists woman being assaulted by using his sweet ninja skills and samurai sword   (fox13now.com ) divider line
    More: Cool, samurai sword, samurai, Grant Eggertsen  
•       •       •

7085 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Apr 2013 at 11:22 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



80 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-04-23 07:53:45 PM  
www.squidmobile.com
"I kick arse for the Lord!"
 
2013-04-23 08:15:28 PM  

toraque: www.squidmobile.com
"I kick arse for the Lord!"


And we're done here.

*turns off lights*
 
2013-04-23 08:35:40 PM  
Plus, if he's ever chased by a gang of evil immortals he can just hide in the nearest Mormon temple. Except if its Mario Van Peebles.  But then again, I doubt Kane is up to speed on his Temple Recommend.
 
2013-04-23 08:44:53 PM  
and some people thought that clerics were only allowed to use blunt weapons ...
 
2013-04-23 08:46:49 PM  
Never thought I'd see "LDS" and "samurai sword" in the article. Kinda unnerving.
 
2013-04-23 08:47:32 PM  

Apos: Never thought I'd see "LDS" and "samurai sword" in the same article. Kinda unnerving.


Fixed.
 
2013-04-23 08:48:15 PM  
Came for the "Dead Alive" reference. Leaving satisfied.
 
2013-04-23 09:04:29 PM  

Therion: and some people thought that clerics were only allowed to use blunt weapons ...


A specialty priest of the LDS apparently can use edged weapons.
 
2013-04-23 09:09:26 PM  

toraque: [www.squidmobile.com image 414x256]
"I kick arse for the Lord!"


He went out like such a punk, too.
 
2013-04-23 10:37:50 PM  
content.internetvideoarchive.com
Approves

/In reality, done in one
 
2013-04-23 11:25:32 PM  
Now we know the true secret the Latter Day Saints are hiding, their fighting technique, Creepy Bishop.
 
2013-04-23 11:27:23 PM  
There can be only one.... hundred and forty four thousand.
 
2013-04-23 11:27:50 PM  
who is a bishop with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Fight scene caught on film. (Probably NSFW)
 
2013-04-23 11:28:35 PM  

toraque: [www.squidmobile.com image 414x256]
"I kick arse for the Lord!"


Always awesome when the appropriate response leads the pack.
 
2013-04-23 11:34:26 PM  
So, apparently, the penis NOT mightier than the sword.
 
2013-04-23 11:35:21 PM  
A useful godbotherer? What a refreshing change. From the kiddie fiddling, I mean.
 
2013-04-23 11:35:46 PM  
What happened to turn thy other cheek?
 
2013-04-23 11:36:46 PM  

Apos: Apos: Never thought I'd see "LDS" and "samurai sword" in the same article. Kinda unnerving.

Fixed.


Shouldn't be all that surprising.  Within Zion, martial arts is eerily commonplace.  It's great for mental focus and few things are more unnerving than cocking into any fighting stance.  Except maybe the *shhhhink* of drawing a sword or cocking a pump shotgun in the dark.

Relax, we're on your side.
 
2013-04-23 11:40:13 PM  

Loucifer: There can be only one.... hundred and forty four thousand.


Er... that's the JW pedos, not LDS.
 
2013-04-23 11:41:06 PM  

"Several neighbors heard the noise and came outside and confronted Eggertsen. One of those neighbors was Kent Hendrix, who is a bishop with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and a black belt in karate."


Hey Kent, where you going with that sword in your hand?

 
2013-04-23 11:42:18 PM  

Somacandra: Plus, if he's ever chased by a gang of evil immortals he can just hide in the nearest Mormon temple. Except if its Mario Van Peebles.  But then again, I doubt Kane is up to speed on his Temple Recommend.


I LOL'd

/recovered Mormon
//1000 internets to you
 
2013-04-23 11:43:07 PM  

Flips the lights back on...

toraque: [www.squidmobile.com image 414x256]
"I kick arse for the Lord!"


4.bp.blogspot.com


/Now we're really done

//Flips the lights back off

 
2013-04-23 11:43:44 PM  
Hiro Protagonist unavailable for comment.
 
2013-04-23 11:46:35 PM  
TFA: I've never had to use my martial arts until today

No, you brandished a sword; you didn't employ your martial arts.
 
2013-04-23 11:50:15 PM  
Little known fact: Scientologists are trained to fight pirate-style.  The final showdown on the eve of Ragnarok will feature LDS Ninjas vs Scientologist Pirates in a battle-royal for your soul.

The Bible during the next age will be farking awesome.
 
2013-04-23 11:51:31 PM  
OMG!

24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-04-23 11:53:08 PM  
Is it weird of me to be upset that nobody every refers to the damn sword by its proper name?


Nefarious: Therion: and some people thought that clerics were only allowed to use blunt weapons ...

A specialty priest of the LDS apparently can use edged weapons.


They changed that in the 3rd edition anyway, iirc.
 
2013-04-23 11:55:47 PM  

Just Another OC Homeless Guy: Loucifer: There can be only one.... hundred and forty four thousand.

Er... that's the JW pedos, not LDS.


The Joss Whedon Pedos? I thought that was cancelled.
 
2013-04-23 11:57:22 PM  
4.bp.blogspot.com

Approves

/hot, like the fires of hell
 
2013-04-23 11:58:39 PM  
"I jumped up, threw my clothes on, and grabbed my sword" - Those LDS folk do EVERYTHING backwards.
 
2013-04-23 11:59:36 PM  

toraque: [www.squidmobile.com image 414x256]
"I kick arse for the Lord!"


Aaand thread over...
 
2013-04-24 12:00:50 AM  
Rev Theo?
static.schlockmercenary.com
static.schlockmercenary.com
/any schlockers out there?
 
2013-04-24 12:03:34 AM  
www2.alibris-static.com
 
2013-04-24 12:04:08 AM  
www.zuguide.com
Are you a mean motherfarkin servant of God???
 
2013-04-24 12:04:11 AM  

fusillade762: Is it weird of me to be upset that nobody every refers to the damn sword by its proper name?


If so, I'm weird as well.
 
2013-04-24 12:06:12 AM  

Snapper Carr: fusillade762: Is it weird of me to be upset that nobody every refers to the damn sword by its proper name?

If so, I'm weird as well.


you guys fap to Bud K much??
 
2013-04-24 12:07:11 AM  
Not news: Clergyman assists woman being assaulted.

Subby must be living in a parallel universe.
 
2013-04-24 12:08:14 AM  

skinink: "Several neighbors heard the noise and came outside and confronted Eggertsen. One of those neighbors was Kent Hendrix, who is a bishop with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and a black belt in karate."
Hey Kent, where you going with that sword in your hand?


Going to protect a young lady, saw her getting jumped by a crazy man.
 
2013-04-24 12:08:23 AM  
Not news: Clergyman assaults woman being assisted. FIFY
 
2013-04-24 12:10:37 AM  
/oblig
 
2013-04-24 12:11:25 AM  
Hey LDS Church. Let's see how your mighty Bishop holds up against some REAL competition!

3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-04-24 12:12:00 AM  

Pointy Tail of Satan: OMG!

[24.media.tumblr.com image 500x300]


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDnE-5lD7w8

THE BISHOP!
 
2013-04-24 12:12:35 AM  
argh, stupid gif too big. here
 
2013-04-24 12:14:28 AM  

gogglesdonothing: Snapper Carr: fusillade762: Is it weird of me to be upset that nobody every refers to the damn sword by its proper name?

If so, I'm weird as well.

you guys fap to Bud K much??


Since I have no idea what you're talking about I'll have to go with "No".
 
2013-04-24 12:14:31 AM  
why. why will it not let me post this image? http://api.ning.com/files/DTVIDzT6Fgm3SEkM38FIctcrTR2ZqjTzz5viOtFoJoLs fIHFnBUzflNGCOtnET2IhU*hIWXx9npgAlcNyZAg4veqJBjaTb9D/Orgazmo_Jesus_Gif .gif
 
2013-04-24 12:16:16 AM  
Just so we're clear.

LDS + sword = good
LSD + sword = still bad
 
2013-04-24 12:16:44 AM  
Mormons are usually gun people.
 
2013-04-24 12:19:03 AM  

ultraholland: TFA: I've never had to use my martial arts until today

No, you brandished a sword; you didn't employ your martial arts.


Drawing a sword is a martial art. It's call Iaido.
 
2013-04-24 12:19:24 AM  
i33.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-24 12:19:42 AM  

Therion: and some people thought that clerics were only allowed to use blunt weapons ...


+1
 
2013-04-24 12:22:40 AM  

doglover: Mormons are usually gun people.


Nephi wasn't.  This guy was just going back to his roots.
 
2013-04-24 12:22:44 AM  

toraque: [www.squidmobile.com image 414x256]
"I kick arse for the Lord!"


wow....that was quick

/well done
 
2013-04-24 12:22:58 AM  

smazzocity: Therion: and some people thought that clerics were only allowed to use blunt weapons ...

+1


Bah, my monk/cleric is rolling 2d10+prof+feat bare handed.  It' all about the feats, baby.  True divine classes do it unarmed.
 
2013-04-24 12:24:09 AM  

fusillade762: gogglesdonothing: Snapper Carr: fusillade762: Is it weird of me to be upset that nobody every refers to the damn sword by its proper name?

If so, I'm weird as well.

you guys fap to Bud K much??

Since I have no idea what you're talking about I'll have to go with "No".


well that's just "weird"
 
2013-04-24 12:26:07 AM  
cdn.iwastesomuchtime.com
The kosher version,
 
2013-04-24 12:31:46 AM  
Some days you beat the bishop, some days the bishop beats you.
 
2013-04-24 12:34:44 AM  
Well, that's a new one.
 
2013-04-24 12:36:09 AM  

gogglesdonothing: Snapper Carr: fusillade762: Is it weird of me to be upset that nobody every refers to the damn sword by its proper name?

If so, I'm weird as well.

you guys fap to Bud K much??


I don't collect weapons, I have, however, had a longtime interest in feudal Japan. The term "samurai sword" is very non-specific. It's like saying "gun"
 
2013-04-24 12:48:42 AM  

Snapper Carr: gogglesdonothing: Snapper Carr: fusillade762: Is it weird of me to be upset that nobody every refers to the damn sword by its proper name?

If so, I'm weird as well.

you guys fap to Bud K much??

I don't collect weapons, I have, however, had a longtime interest in feudal Japan. The term "samurai sword" is very non-specific. It's like saying "gun"


I see... I imagine they had to dumb it down for their audience.
 
2013-04-24 12:52:16 AM  
Why couldn't this be some good ol redneck dude??? I wanted to post that "ninjying" video  ):
 
2013-04-24 12:56:32 AM  

geek_mars: Just so we're clear.

LDS + sword = good
LSD + sword = still bad


I was told there would be no math.

But ecstasy in the coont is still okay, right?
 
2013-04-24 01:02:05 AM  

Snapper Carr: The term "samurai sword" is very non-specific. It's like saying "gun"


And? People say "gun" all the time. Your hobby thing isn't special.
 
2013-04-24 01:41:10 AM  

phrawgh: What happened to turn thy other cheek?


Spinning back kick. Turn one cheek, turn the other cheek--WHAM! right in the kisser.
 
2013-04-24 02:16:37 AM  

gogglesdonothing: Snapper Carr: gogglesdonothing: Snapper Carr: fusillade762: Is it weird of me to be upset that nobody every refers to the damn sword by its proper name?

If so, I'm weird as well.

you guys fap to Bud K much??

I don't collect weapons, I have, however, had a longtime interest in feudal Japan. The term "samurai sword" is very non-specific. It's like saying "gun"

I see... I imagine they had to dumb it down for their audience.


Typical journalism these days. Every rifle is an AK-47 and every pistol is a Glock.
 
2013-04-24 02:25:14 AM  
Mormon Ninjas have nothing on Jew-Jitsu
2.bp.blogspot.com
/hot
 
2013-04-24 02:28:44 AM  

Somacandra: Plus, if he's ever chased by a gang of evil immortals he can just hide in the nearest Mormon temple. Except if its Mario Van Peebles.  But then again, I doubt Kane is up to speed on his Temple Recommend.


Mario Van Peebles? Kane? There can be was only one Highlander movie!
 
2013-04-24 02:30:16 AM  

Apos: Apos: Never thought I'd see "LDS" and "samurai sword" in the same article. Kinda unnerving.


Would have expected samurai sword and LSD, though.
 
2013-04-24 02:40:00 AM  

Valiente: A useful godbotherer? What a refreshing change. From the kiddie fiddling, I mean.


That's more of a Catholic priest thing. This guy was Mormon, they're allowed to marry.
 
2013-04-24 02:46:33 AM  

jdmac: [cdn.iwastesomuchtime.com image 850x630]
The kosher version,


His methods are... orthodox.
 
2013-04-24 02:48:57 AM  
/looks at headline
//clicks thread link
///sees starter post.

One and Done.
 
2013-04-24 02:50:52 AM  
where the hell my orgasmo caps at?????
 
2013-04-24 02:54:27 AM  
upload.wikimedia.org

I thought he was a pacifist after all those years as a general.

/What?
//So I like bad 90's TV, sue me.
 
2013-04-24 03:12:49 AM  
Semantic Police time

I believe "bishop" in the Mormon faith is not necessarily a member of the clergy but more like a lead parishioner.  Mitt was a bishop, but I would not consider him a clergyman.
 
2013-04-24 03:49:13 AM  

Nineyards: Semantic Police time

I believe "bishop" in the Mormon faith is not necessarily a member of the clergy but more like a lead parishioner.  Mitt was a bishop, but I would not consider him a clergyman.


I would not consider him much of a man, except he managed to sire half a dozen kids...
 
2013-04-24 06:47:29 AM  

Mentalpatient87: Snapper Carr: The term "samurai sword" is very non-specific. It's like saying "gun"

And? People say "gun" all the time. Your hobby thing isn't special.


25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-04-24 07:42:24 AM  

fmk040: Rev Theo?
[static.schlockmercenary.com image 725x210]
[static.schlockmercenary.com image 725x211]
/any schlockers out there?


yep...
/the enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy...nothing more nothing less.
 
2013-04-24 08:07:00 AM  
Just goes to show...

i2.squidoocdn.com

You can never have too much LDS.

/ bah-dum-pshhhhhhh I'll be here all week. Try the waitress, tip the veal, etc...
 
2013-04-24 11:38:23 AM  

megarian: geek_mars: Just so we're clear.

LDS + sword = good
LSD + sword = still bad

I was told there would be no math.

But ecstasy in the coont is still okay, right?


According to what I've read, absolutely.
 
2013-04-24 01:02:30 PM  
Now if it had been a small boy....
 
2013-04-24 03:16:59 PM  
24.media.tumblr.com
 
Displayed 80 of 80 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter








In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report