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(US Naval Institute)   26 U.S. Navy ship naming controversies. If you are going to name ships after gays, Confederates, Jesus or socialists, someone is going to have a problem with it   (news.usni.org) divider line 82
    More: Interesting, U.S. Navy, United States Navy ships, United States, U.S. Code, USS Constitution, ship named, socialists  
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15609 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Apr 2013 at 4:59 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-04-23 04:33:05 PM
26 votes:

FlashHarry: U.S.S. J. Edgar Hoover


Bad name for a ship.

Too much drag.
2013-04-23 05:56:11 PM
7 votes:
img199.imageshack.us
2013-04-23 05:15:58 PM
7 votes:
jeftex.files.wordpress.com
2013-04-23 04:15:34 PM
7 votes:
U.S.S. Gene Masseth
2013-04-23 05:05:55 PM
6 votes:
How about the USS United States?

Yo dawg, I heard you liked the US. So we put the US in your USS so can freedom while you're freedoming.
2013-04-23 05:33:03 PM
4 votes:

Gonz: The USS Obama is going to be an epic shiatstorm. I really hope there are drone carriers by then, because that would be fitting. Or a SEAL Team deployment platform, perhaps.


You mean ship designed for black ops?
2013-04-23 05:27:05 PM
4 votes:
USS Drew Curtis

/has a 5 degree list to port built-in
2013-04-23 04:33:54 PM
4 votes:
U.S.S. Reacharound
2013-04-23 06:41:37 PM
3 votes:
We once sent a lot of deployment with the USS Samuel B. Roberts, a guided missle frigate, During our transit across the Atlantic Ocean  we had many long and boring bridge watches, and  we began to refer to it as the "Dread Frigate Roberts" which stuck for the rest of the deployment.
2013-04-23 06:32:08 PM
3 votes:
USS Starbucks - Starts off as just one ship, soon multiples and is found everywhere
USS Trojan - Best at protection
USS Snuggles - Nothing worse than to have to admit that your ship was sunk by the Snuggles.
USS Pepsi - rest of the fleet keeps calling it the USS Coke
USS Xbox 360 - Red Ring of Death isn't a new weapon it uses, it's what sank it.
2013-04-23 06:00:52 PM
3 votes:
USS Emperor Norton?
2013-04-23 05:23:57 PM
3 votes:

Strolpol: Given all the whining and moaning in the article over naming issues, the most obvious way forward is that we simply choose names that EVERYONE will hate or otherwise dislike equally: name all new ships after My Little Pony characters.

/with matching paint jobs
//then we'd get Congressional sessions arguing the superiority of one pony versus the other alternatives
///you can't tell me it wouldn't be more work than they're getting done now


Come on; who wouldn't want to serve on the super carrier U.S.S Fluttershy?
2013-04-23 05:22:39 PM
3 votes:
There are a lot of pedantic people who sure get pissy over little "naming conventions."

It's like they're all Farkers.
2013-04-23 04:45:36 PM
3 votes:
U.S.S. Murica.
2013-04-23 03:43:41 PM
3 votes:

gopher321: 26 U.S. Navy ship naming controversies. If you are going to name ships after gays, Confederates, Jesus or socialists, someone is going to have a problem with it

U.S.S. Christ on a Cracker?

U.S.S. Heyzoos?


USS Jesus Tapdancing Christ - minesweeper
2013-04-23 03:42:03 PM
3 votes:
26 U.S. Navy ship naming controversies. If you are going to name ships after gays, Confederates, Jesus or socialists, someone is going to have a problem with it

U.S.S. Christ on a Cracker?

U.S.S. Heyzoos?
2013-04-23 08:56:29 PM
2 votes:
farm3.staticflickr.com

/ slippin, you are
2013-04-23 08:22:58 PM
2 votes:

Jubeebee: gopher321: 26 U.S. Navy ship naming controversies. If you are going to name ships after gays, Confederates, Jesus or socialists, someone is going to have a problem with it

U.S.S. Christ on a Cracker?

U.S.S. Heyzoos?

USS Jesus Tapdancing Christ - minesweeper



If you're not going to use "Gay Confederate Jesus" to name a ship, I'm going to have to name my new rock band that.
2013-04-23 06:57:07 PM
2 votes:
USS John Boehner. It's bright orange paint scheme is hidden by a novel salt-water drip camouflage system. Plus, its bow wake is greatly reduced by the mechanical oscillations of its lower prow.
2013-04-23 06:22:49 PM
2 votes:
All this bru-ha-ha over crafts both real and ficitonal, and no one's mentoned the USS Flagg yet?!

<www.yojoe.com

Shame. Shame on you ALL.
2013-04-23 06:06:22 PM
2 votes:
Around WWII, the corvette class ships were named after flowers.  They were strictly forbidden from naming any of them "pansy."
2013-04-23 05:51:14 PM
2 votes:

puddleonfire: USS Barney Frank should be fabuluth.


meh... keeps getting rammed in the stern
2013-04-23 05:45:22 PM
2 votes:

kbronsito: one of my grandfather's cousins had a navy ship named after him and all he had to do was jump on a granade during the korean war. it was sold to pakistan in the 80s though. I think its probably scrap metal by now.


Why would Pakistan want an old grenade? And I thought it was common knowledge that most grenades become scraps of metal. No real surprise there.

/Cool story though, I had a Grandad on the U.S.S. Pompon in WWII.
//Old guy tells some really crazy tales.
2013-04-23 05:45:12 PM
2 votes:
If they ever run short on names, I wish they'd consider some Mad Magazine/Don Martin type sound effects for names.

USS Plortch
USS Bukkida Bukkida
USS Fffrrraapft
USS Fizzazzit
USS Fleedle
USS Gaplonk
USS Plop Phelop
USS Poit
USS Zwit-Sproing
2013-04-23 05:38:50 PM
2 votes:
Good thing they don't just use letters of the alphabet. It would've been real awkward to launch the U.S.S. R during the Cold War.
2013-04-23 05:35:18 PM
2 votes:
The USS R. L. Emery.

www.magweb.com

IT'S A BETTER SHIP THAN YOU DESERVE NUMB NUTS!
2013-04-23 05:25:55 PM
2 votes:
I always found it strange that they would name an ammuntion ship USS Pyro
2013-04-23 05:23:05 PM
2 votes:
Using adjectives and adverbs is pretty uncontroversial.

HMS Glorious, HMS Invincible, HMS Fabulous, etc.
2013-04-23 05:19:52 PM
2 votes:
Can't wait for U.S.S Dick Armey
2013-04-23 05:17:14 PM
2 votes:

drjekel_mrhyde: U.S.S Microsoft  Big and bloated
U.S.S Google Super spy ship that follows other ships around collecting data to sell
U.S.S Apple Cost over runs, not as fast as other ships, outdated tech, but looks hella cool
U.S.S Walmart Sold to China within 3 years
Seriously how soon will they start selling naming rights to corps


Wouldn't we purchase the U.S.S. Wal-mart FROM China?  And it's got lead paint, and was manufactured by massed contingents of  child wage slaves, etc?
2013-04-23 05:16:54 PM
2 votes:
Come on, the USS Prince of Peace is an awesome name for an aircraft carrier.
2013-04-23 05:14:38 PM
2 votes:
Given all the whining and moaning in the article over naming issues, the most obvious way forward is that we simply choose names that EVERYONE will hate or otherwise dislike equally: name all new ships after My Little Pony characters.

/with matching paint jobs
//then we'd get Congressional sessions arguing the superiority of one pony versus the other alternatives
///you can't tell me it wouldn't be more work than they're getting done now
2013-04-23 05:09:19 PM
2 votes:
The USS Jesus Christ on a Bike
The USS Miserable Lardass
The USS I Know You Are What Am I
The USS Shiatsnacks
2013-04-23 05:08:50 PM
2 votes:

Bill_Wick's_Friend: FlashHarry: U.S.S. J. Edgar Hoover

Bad name for a ship.

Too much drag.


Lulz
2013-04-23 05:04:56 PM
2 votes:
USS Merkin Muffley
2013-04-23 04:40:01 PM
2 votes:
Ships named for Alaska

You want to start a flamewar?  Go onto a naval wargaming forum and ask whether the USS Alaska (CB-1) was a cruiser or a battlecruiser - it's some of the neckbeardiest fun you can have.

USS Intrepid-The carrier known as the "Fighting I" has a storied history that includes battling in the Pacific and recovering astronauts before becoming a popular museum in New York City. When the Navy announced in 1987 that a small (and some said ugly) ocean-surveillance ship would be the USNS Intrepid, veterans of the mighty carrier were insulted that the name of their beloved ship would be bestowed on a far less fearsome vessel. The name was changed to Tenacious.

That's INCREDIBLY stupid.  Did they change the name of Yorktown (CG-48)?  What about North Carolina (SSN-777)?  Olympia?  Alabama?  Heck, they named CGN-39 AND SSN-775 after Texas, and BB-35's still rusting away in San Jacinto.  And the Little Rock (LCS-9) is about to be commissioned.  Why did Intrepid's veterans get their jimmies rustled, because it wasn't a sub or a cruiser?  Guess what, naming conventions have changed.

Be thankful your ship is one that got put into a museum.  There's a lot of Enterprise (CV-6) vets that were steamed about that for decades.
2013-04-23 04:10:08 PM
2 votes:
The U.S.S. Gardisil.
2013-04-23 09:22:37 PM
1 votes:
USS Zombo.com - You can do anything with it
2013-04-23 08:27:13 PM
1 votes:

iheartscotch: Let's make sure that history never forgets the name ENTERPRISE.

/ pretty controversial stuff


I'm proud of the fact that the Enterprise is a nuclear wessel.
2013-04-23 08:25:44 PM
1 votes:
I could see naming some ships after astronauts, Neil Armstrong was Navy, as were others.

USS Armstrong has a nice ring to it.

don't think they'd ever consider my favorite: USS Death From The Skies :D
2013-04-23 08:07:28 PM
1 votes:

Godscrack: [img199.imageshack.us image 808x582]


LPH-911?
2013-04-23 08:04:38 PM
1 votes:
• ...some critics did not think he merited becoming one of the few living people to be honored...
• ... religious groups protested the selection ...
• The residents of Rhode Island were not pleased ...
• ... claiming that it was a shameless attempt to placate the residents of the area ...
• ... veterans of the mighty carrier were insulted ...
• ... a point that many thought should have precluded them from being honored with a namesake carrier.
• ... the timing of the choice led some to question ...
• ... it angered veterans of the decommissioned USS America.
• ... cynics took issue with a carrier being named for Bush at a time when his son was president ...
• Traditionalist griped that another type of vessel could have been named for Warner ...


i651.photobucket.com

USS Imperial Butthurt has a nice ring to it
2013-04-23 07:40:02 PM
1 votes:

special20: The5thElement: Aidan: m053486: DDG-70 Hopper would like a word...

/They named it after a woman
//Wasn't a problem for me, but a lot of sailors and officers had a problem with the name

As a woman and a programmer, with all due respect to those sailors and officers, they should sit the fark down and show some farking respect. Madam Hopper was a boss.

Not to mention the fact she was also a Navy Admiral.

That may well be, but I'm going to respectfully go out on a limb here and blatantly speculate that you've never heard of a toilet being called "the hopper", before... might have been the problem... perhaps as well?


Well that's a random obscure name for a toilet.

/i can haz USS Coont Poont
2013-04-23 07:30:07 PM
1 votes:

TheShavingofOccam123: Day_Old_Dutchie: Bill_Wick's_Friend: FlashHarry: U.S.S. J. Edgar Hoover

Bad name for a ship.

Too much drag.

It sucks.

It always goes bottoms up.


It will only cruise on Friday nights. And then only in Dupont.
2013-04-23 07:17:39 PM
1 votes:
USS BENGAZI!!

NEver forget the brave 'Mericans!!!
2013-04-23 07:16:26 PM
1 votes:
Come on. Let's just be honest.

USS Hegemony I, USS Hegemony II, USS Hegemony III...
2013-04-23 07:07:06 PM
1 votes:
USS Jenna Haze
USS Belladonna
USS John Holmes
USS Nina Hartley
2013-04-23 06:53:01 PM
1 votes:
USS Eagle Tears

USS Mission Accomplished

USS Barack Obama
2013-04-23 06:52:33 PM
1 votes:

Day_Old_Dutchie: Bill_Wick's_Friend: FlashHarry: U.S.S. J. Edgar Hoover

Bad name for a ship.

Too much drag.

It sucks.


It always goes bottoms up.
2013-04-23 06:51:24 PM
1 votes:

Bill_Wick's_Friend: FlashHarry: U.S.S. J. Edgar Hoover

Bad name for a ship.

Too much drag.


It sucks.
2013-04-23 06:50:40 PM
1 votes:

maram500: Great Janitor: USS Starbucks - Starts off as just one ship, soon multiples and is found everywhere
USS Trojan - Best at protection
USS Snuggles - Nothing worse than to have to admit that your ship was sunk by the Snuggles.
USS Pepsi - rest of the fleet keeps calling it the USS Coke
USS Xbox 360 - Red Ring of Death isn't a new weapon it uses, it's what sank it.

USS Wii - Every screen onboard looks like crap compared to those on other ships
USS Walmart - Cheapest ship in the fleet; crewed by people desperate for any kind of work
USS Target - Better than USS Walmart, but just barely
USS Ford Motor Co. - Often found adrift, since something is always broken
USS Bugatti Veyron - Ridiculously overpriced, but faster than anything else
USS Electronic Arts - Cannot be operated without an active internet connection
USS AT&T - Wait...it actually works? Wow.


USS Primerica - Each sailor has to pay $100 to join the crew and then has to recruit his friends as well.
USS Disney - Just decommissioned the USS Lucasarts, a perfectly good ship with real potential.
USS Colt - The media keeps referring to it as the USS Glock.
USS Lexus - Crewed by the USS Toyota
2013-04-23 06:50:34 PM
1 votes:

Snarfangel: Come on, the USS Prince of Peace is an awesome name for an aircraft carrier.


I must say, yes it is. A bit more classy and subtle than the USS Might Makes Right.
2013-04-23 06:49:10 PM
1 votes:
Ahh, the good old days when political influence could be bartered for with naming rights instead of the current practice of paying cold, hard cash. The Citizens United ruling really stole the thunder from the Armed Forces and the USPS.
2013-04-23 06:48:41 PM
1 votes:
The USS Gabrielle Giffords.

We put the littoral in....oh, never mind...
2013-04-23 06:47:11 PM
1 votes:
Join the Navy and serve on the USS Cesar Chavez!

The Navy. It's not just a job. It's the two worst years of your life.
2013-04-23 06:42:22 PM
1 votes:
The USS Faaaaabulous!
2013-04-23 06:39:11 PM
1 votes:

Great Janitor: USS Starbucks - Starts off as just one ship, soon multiples and is found everywhere
USS Trojan - Best at protection
USS Snuggles - Nothing worse than to have to admit that your ship was sunk by the Snuggles.
USS Pepsi - rest of the fleet keeps calling it the USS Coke
USS Xbox 360 - Red Ring of Death isn't a new weapon it uses, it's what sank it.


USS Wii - Every screen onboard looks like crap compared to those on other ships
USS Walmart - Cheapest ship in the fleet; crewed by people desperate for any kind of work
USS Target - Better than USS Walmart, but just barely
USS Ford Motor Co. - Often found adrift, since something is always broken
USS Bugatti Veyron - Ridiculously overpriced, but faster than anything else
USS Electronic Arts - Cannot be operated without an active internet connection
USS AT&T - Wait...it actually works? Wow.
2013-04-23 06:22:39 PM
1 votes:

Gsm136: Walter Mondale?


USS Walter Mondale was a laundry ship
2013-04-23 06:19:57 PM
1 votes:

RY28: USS Ess Ess ?


encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
2013-04-23 06:19:15 PM
1 votes:
We should just go with Iain Banks' ship-naming examples in his Culture novels. So we'd have vessels like

USS Just Read the Instructions
USS So Much for Subtlety
USS Just Another Victim of the Ambient Morality
USS Resistance is Character-Forming
USS You May Not Be the Coolest Person Here


/Way to many to enumerate here
/Full list http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_spacecraft_in_the_Culture_series
2013-04-23 06:14:59 PM
1 votes:
USS Ess Ess ?
2013-04-23 06:14:53 PM
1 votes:

cman: No one living should have a ship named after them.

That is just the way it should be.


Exactly. Ships have souls, and the ship can't share its soul with a living person, now can it?
2013-04-23 06:14:45 PM
1 votes:
USS Polysyllabic Designation?
2013-04-23 06:10:46 PM
1 votes:

ha-ha-guy: skullkrusher: USS Corpus Christi-Los Angeles-class attack submarines are named after U.S. cities, but religious groups protested the selection of Corpus Christi because it meant that an instrument of war would bear the Latin phrase "body of Christ." The Navy rectified the problem by modifying the sub's name to City of Corpus Christi.

Was not expecting the complaints about a ship named after Jesus to be FROM religious groups

It looks bad when if it is sunk (Jesus didn't protect "his" namesake from the evil USSR).  Same reason Hitler renamed the Deutschland.


But can it stay under for three days?
2013-04-23 06:08:37 PM
1 votes:
HMS Thatcher - minesweeper
2013-04-23 06:01:46 PM
1 votes:

WhoopAssWayne: Yes, let's name a ship for Fightin' Gabby!



Defender of our rights! All of them!


If you built it with a hole in the head, would that mean the sailors would be pissing straight into the ocean?
2013-04-23 05:56:37 PM
1 votes:

The Stealth Hippopotamus: Jubeebee: USS Jesus Tapdancing Christ - minesweeper

golf clap

Article was a complete waste of time until: Independence-class littoral combat


That's a cool tough little ship

www.reocities.com

2013-04-23 05:50:45 PM
1 votes:
USS Barney Frank should be fabuluth.
2013-04-23 05:46:05 PM
1 votes:

UNC_Samurai: BizarreMan: Seems to me that  USS Hunley would be a good name for a sub.

You mean naming a ship after a vessel that went on one mission, yet managed to sink and kill its crew twice?


If you put it that way.  Maybe not.
2013-04-23 05:42:59 PM
1 votes:
USS Ultimate Ship the Second
2013-04-23 05:38:25 PM
1 votes:
In keeping with his history, they should homeport the USS John P. Murtha in western PA and rename it the USS Pork Barrel.
2013-04-23 05:38:09 PM
1 votes:

zedster: maram500: drjekel_mrhyde: U.S.S Microsoft  Big and bloated
U.S.S Google Super spy ship that follows other ships around collecting data to sell
U.S.S Apple Cost over runs, not as fast as other ships, outdated tech, but looks hella cool
U.S.S Walmart Sold to China within 3 years
Seriously how soon will they start selling naming rights to corps

USS BlackBerry: Horrifyingly outdated; always lags behind every other ship
USS Windows: Eighth ship to bear the name, but everyone says the fifth one was the best
USS Top Gear: Fastest cruiser...in the world. Also, her captain for some reason never takes off his helmet.

Also: USS Google: Genuinely tries to stay better than everyone else and often succeeds

USS ADOBE FLASH - **LOADING***
USS JAVA 7 - 1-5 crashed and sunk, 6 caught fire, crashed and sunk
USS BSD - well built ship but no one can find the door to get in
USS OUTLOOK - LIFEBOAT HANG


USS Oracle - 3 times the size of any other aircraft carrier
USS Cray - travels at 400 knots but only 9 sailors qualify to operate it
USS Intel - mounts 15.9999989029 inch guns
USS Victoria's Secret - nah, that one's too easy
2013-04-23 05:36:38 PM
1 votes:

This text is now purple: Snarfangel: Come on, the USS Prince of Peace is an awesome name for an aircraft carrier.

What kind of ship would the Boca Raton be?


A bottleneck clogging the left-hand channel while doing 6 knots.
2013-04-23 05:36:08 PM
1 votes:
Ermey dammit, ERMEY.
2013-04-23 05:35:41 PM
1 votes:
The new stealth ship, USS You Didn't See What I Did There.

And don't forget the hospital ship USNS It's Never Lupus.
2013-04-23 05:31:25 PM
1 votes:
The USS Obama is going to be an epic shiatstorm.

I really hope there are drone carriers by then, because that would be fitting. Or a SEAL Team deployment platform, perhaps.
2013-04-23 05:30:17 PM
1 votes:
Sequestration problems? Sell naming rights to ships. Helllooooo USS Duke Sucks.
2013-04-23 05:25:50 PM
1 votes:
USS Liberace ...?
2013-04-23 05:21:14 PM
1 votes:

another cultural observer: Wouldn't we purchase the U.S.S. Wal-mart FROM China?  And it's got lead paint, and was manufactured by massed contingents of  child wage slaves, etc?


Great jumpin' brain-damaged barnacles, lead paint?
2013-04-23 05:10:54 PM
1 votes:
USS Turing.
2013-04-23 05:09:42 PM
1 votes:
U.S.S Microsoft  Big and bloated
U.S.S Google Super spy ship that follows other ships around collecting data to sell
U.S.S Apple Cost over runs, not as fast as other ships, outdated tech, but looks hella cool
U.S.S Walmart Sold to China within 3 years
Seriously how soon will they start selling naming rights to corps
2013-04-23 05:09:33 PM
1 votes:
Our naming went downhill when we went with political figures for the carriers instead of tradition names.  It was even worse once we started naming them after people who hadn't even died yet.  Even worse was when we provoke naming tradition on the SSBNs and SSNs.

Bill_Wick's_Friend: FlashHarry: U.S.S. J. Edgar Hoover

Bad name for a ship.

Too much drag.


J. Edna Hoover.
 
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