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(CNN) NewsFlash Drew's uncle Kevin wins the Justice Department Lotto - free to go and impersonate Elvis as he pleases   (cnn.com) divider line 169
    More: NewsFlash, Justice Department Lotto, ricin, Elvis impersonator, chief deputy, U.S. Marshals Service  
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18344 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Apr 2013 at 2:12 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»


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2013-04-23 02:15:33 PM
glad to hear drew, does this mean all of the donations people sent for his defense fund will be refunded?
 
2013-04-23 02:15:48 PM
Quoted as he was leaving: "Thank you, thank you very much."
 
2013-04-23 02:15:49 PM
Wait....Drew is...related?
 
2013-04-23 02:15:53 PM
He meant to send rice, not ricin. Honest mistake. It could happen to any of us...
 
2013-04-23 02:16:07 PM
To steal a comment from the article: Elvis has left the building.
 
2013-04-23 02:16:17 PM
Wow.. It looks like it really was a frame job...
 
2013-04-23 02:16:27 PM
He wooed the female district attorney with masterful singing while wearing a lei?
 
2013-04-23 02:16:53 PM
How does that release work? "No sending letters" is pretty hard restrictions to enforce. I mean... did they confiscate his stamps and put him under house arrest? Why would this guy get to go home?
 
2013-04-23 02:16:57 PM
wat
 
2013-04-23 02:17:26 PM

BravadoGT: Wow.. It looks like it really was a frame job...


or there's enough strains of bacteria and other materials running around in mail sorting facilities from every OTHER contaminated letter that he won the "whose letter tests positive while also going to someone we care about and being marginally threatening" lotto.
 
2013-04-23 02:17:57 PM
The Fark newslfash meme isn't funny anymore.. Stop it
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-04-23 02:18:15 PM
The ricin wasn't concentrated enough to kill, so they want him to come back when he gets better at killing people.
 
2013-04-23 02:18:30 PM

ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: How does that release work? "No sending letters" is pretty hard restrictions to enforce. I mean... did they confiscate his stamps and put him under house arrest? Why would this guy get to go home?


Because they found no evidence that he actually meant to poison anyone (or even had the poison), and sending a letter alone is not a crime?
 
2013-04-23 02:18:46 PM
I'll bet he's still all shook up
 
2013-04-23 02:18:58 PM
For once CNN reports there is nothing to report instead of going all Daily Mail.
 
2013-04-23 02:19:11 PM
News Flash tag, please take the rest of the week off.  Please.
 
2013-04-23 02:19:47 PM
If you're going to echo the anthrax storyline, you have to arrest the wrong guy. It's right there in the script.
 
2013-04-23 02:20:01 PM
Ten bucks says his breaks "fail" within a week.
 
2013-04-23 02:20:55 PM
i3.mirror.co.uk

RIP IAN CURTIS
 
2013-04-23 02:22:01 PM
Really they were just trying to spare us from a bad remake of jailhouse rock.
 
2013-04-23 02:22:28 PM

Revanche: Wait....Drew is...related?


I'm guessing not (although they obviously share the same last name), but it would be interesting if they were.
 
2013-04-23 02:24:20 PM

BravadoGT: Wow.. It looks like it really was a frame job...


This guy would be pretty hilarious to mess with, just saying
 
2013-04-23 02:24:35 PM

encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com

SurfaceTension:
(although they obviously share the same last name)


"Curtis" and "Curtis" are spelled the same way.
 
2013-04-23 02:25:24 PM
It's because he is actually the real Elvis.  He switched places with him because he couldn't handle the lifestyle anymore...so he went to the one man who he knew could pull it off...So he signed everything over to Kevin. Except for enough money to sustain me if things got bad. He was determined to make himself a new life. A better one. But he and Kevin, they had them a deal. If he wanted to trade back, he'd let him. It was all written up in the contract. Thing was, he lost his copy in a barbeque accident.
 
2013-04-23 02:25:54 PM

He scared the shiat out of the Feds...


2.bp.blogspot.com

"Don't make me use my stuff on you, baby!"


/and they let him go
 
2013-04-23 02:26:12 PM
Well, he's white, so...
 
2013-04-23 02:26:44 PM
That'll teach all you wolves to castor aspersions before all the facts are in.
 
2013-04-23 02:28:32 PM
I originally thought he just crushed up a castor bean or two and put that in the envelopes.

That would set off a ricin test, but otherwise would only be harmful if you were to ingest it (along with a few more castor beans - just one wouldn't do it).
 
2013-04-23 02:30:26 PM
Is this where we speculate wildly on why he was released and make proclamations about guilt, innocence, or how this is clear evidence of the Trilateral Commission being run by Reptilians who control our lives with HAARP and Chemtrails?
 
2013-04-23 02:30:43 PM

Revanche: Wait....Drew is...related?


Yea, that is what I wondered, as well. Cheeky headline or true statement?
 
2013-04-23 02:30:52 PM

Diogenes: That'll teach all you wolves to castor aspersions before all the facts are in.


static.guim.co.uk

What Caster aspersions might look like.
 
2013-04-23 02:31:01 PM
No Jailhouse Rock for Uncle Kevin woo hoo!
sweetpenniesfromheaven.com
www.backstageol.com
 
2013-04-23 02:31:12 PM
Will the real Richard Jewell impersonator please call 1-800-SUE-UR-BUTT.
 
2013-04-23 02:31:25 PM

vpb: The ricin wasn't concentrated enough to kill, so they want him to come back when he gets better at killing people.


They are optioning him down to the minors to work out his mechanics.
 
2013-04-23 02:31:43 PM
Got to watch those crazy relatives.

A friend of mine's crazy uncle bombed a federal judge to oblivion.

/NCSB
 
2013-04-23 02:32:00 PM
He is still crazy.
 
2013-04-23 02:33:12 PM

TheShavingofOccam123: He scared the shiat out of the Feds...


[2.bp.blogspot.com image 346x196]

"Don't make me use my stuff on you, baby!"

/and they let him go


Now I know what I'm watching tonight.
 
2013-04-23 02:33:30 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I'll bet he's still all shook up


That was my headline submission

/shakes tiny fist
 
2013-04-23 02:35:17 PM

rickythepenguin: "Curtis" and "Curtis" are spelled the same way.


www.legalproductivity.com
 
2013-04-23 02:35:29 PM
I wonder...when you walk into FBI Headquarters...is there banjo music playing?
 
2013-04-23 02:36:15 PM
I think to be believable, subby should have said it was Drew's cousin instead. This guy's got too much hair...
 
2013-04-23 02:38:12 PM

rickythepenguin: [encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 160x120]

SurfaceTension: (although they obviously share the same last name)

"Curtis" and "Curtis" are spelled the same way.


So then, is this Homer Nixon any relation?
 
2013-04-23 02:38:30 PM
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-04-23 02:38:47 PM

SurfaceTension: Revanche: Wait....Drew is...related?

I'm guessing not (although they obviously share the same last name), but it would be interesting if they were.


I have a hard  to spell last name and still if you Google my proper name you'd think I played championship high school basketball in Nebraska in the late 90's.
 
2013-04-23 02:39:47 PM
He got J. Edgar and Tricky Dick to provide alibis.
 
2013-04-23 02:39:58 PM
No harm, no foul apparently.  He's just lucky he's not Muslim.
 
2013-04-23 02:40:47 PM
These are the kind of people that should not be allowed to own firearms.
 
2013-04-23 02:40:54 PM
Story is by CNN.  Anyone know what actually happened?
 
2013-04-23 02:41:15 PM

SecretAgentWoman: I think to be believable, subby should have said it was Drew's cousin instead. This guy's got too much hair...


He gets that from his mother's side of the family she's is a Baker so Kevin as that Baker hair.

Obscure?
 
2013-04-23 02:41:28 PM
I thought it was Uncle Ernie and Cousin Kevin ...
 
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