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(Pro Football Mock)   NFL team draft needs in handy chart form   (profootballmock.com) divider line 70
    More: Amusing, NFL  
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5449 clicks; posted to Sports » on 23 Apr 2013 at 2:28 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-23 12:56:01 PM  
that was painfully bad.  even for PFM standards.
 
2013-04-23 01:13:55 PM  
"<TEAM> does <X> poorly. Therefore they should not draft for <X> because they'll screw it up."

Repeat 10 times.

Laughter OL
 
2013-04-23 01:17:53 PM  
I would say that several teams, including the Dallas Cowboys, Washington Redskins, and Cincinnati Bengals, need to draft new owners.
 
2013-04-23 01:26:04 PM  
I dont know guys I thought the Vikings exchange was pretty damn good. Why? Because it was spot on thats why.
 
2013-04-23 01:53:00 PM  
Not funny. It was trying to be funny, wasn't it?
 
2013-04-23 02:16:02 PM  
Wow, that was painfully unfunny.  Who did you blow to get that one greened, Subby?
 
2013-04-23 02:26:14 PM  

Sapper_Topo: I dont know guys I thought the Vikings exchange was pretty damn good. Why? Because it was spot on thats why.


I liked the Jets one. But yeah, probably not all that original.
 
2013-04-23 02:30:57 PM  
That link is bad and you should feel bad.

-1
 
2013-04-23 02:33:36 PM  

jake_lex: I would say that several teams, including the Dallas Cowboys, Washington Redskins, and Cincinnati Bengals, need to draft new owners.


With the way Texans feel about football, I'm surprised no one has put a price on Jones' head yet.
 
2013-04-23 02:36:08 PM  
(sponsored link) ?
 
2013-04-23 02:41:05 PM  

jake_lex: I would say that several teams, including the Dallas Cowboys, Washington Redskins, and Cincinnati Bengals, need to draft new owners.


The owner isn't the Cowboys problem, the GM is
 
2013-04-23 02:45:04 PM  
The writer of that chart ran out of ideas after one team, realized he wasn't being funny after three teams, and stopped bothering altogether after only nine teams.

His parents must be so proud.
 
2013-04-23 02:46:26 PM  

jake_lex: I would say that several teams, including the Dallas Cowboys, Washington Redskins, and Cincinnati Bengals, need to draft new owners.


And the Browns, apparently
 
2013-04-23 02:52:11 PM  
I chuckled at Jets and Patriots, but I'm glad the writer apparently missed the deadline to get the rest of the teams.
 
2013-04-23 03:01:05 PM  
Good to know that only a handful of teams need players in the draft this year.
 
2013-04-23 03:03:04 PM  

Treygreen13: That link is bad and you should feel bad.

-1

 
2013-04-23 03:04:21 PM  
That sucks
 
2013-04-23 03:11:08 PM  
Didn't RTFA, but I'm assuming for the Bills it simply says "everything."
 
2013-04-23 03:13:26 PM  

Doc Daneeka: Didn't RTFA, but I'm assuming for the Bills it simply says "everything."


It doesn't say anything about the Bills. Because the writer wrote one joke and ran it into the ground for 9 teams and then just stopped.
 
2013-04-23 03:27:55 PM  
Maintenance Mode
Please try back again soon.
Sorry for the inconvenience.


Who the hell does site maintenance at 330 on a school day?

// and I'm going to let that HTML shiatpile sit here and think about what it's done
// unless it's the farkerator that messed it up
 
2013-04-23 03:42:07 PM  
That was some FarkTV quality humor right there.
 
2013-04-23 03:47:07 PM  
That wasn't so much funny as it was accurate.
 
2013-04-23 03:48:35 PM  
I got as far as the Ravens one, thought "Hmmm, that'd be witty if his sons were old enough and they could make a joke about drafting 2 Ray Lewis.'" (Lewii? That sounds Easterbrook-y) Then I resumed being unamused. The Jets line was the only one not repeating the same stupid joke. That made it a lot funnier in contrast.
 
2013-04-23 03:50:16 PM  

timswar: That wasn't so much funny as it was accurate.


I wouldn't even say accurate. They just picked a random thing about each team and had a "clever" line about why the team needed that position. Also, if you're going to do this, why not do it for the whole league?
 
2013-04-23 03:55:01 PM  
I find it hilarious that people still click on PFM links expecting to find something witty or entertaining.
 
2013-04-23 03:55:35 PM  

Incorrigible Astronaut: timswar: That wasn't so much funny as it was accurate.

I wouldn't even say accurate. They just picked a random thing about each team and had a "clever" line about why the team needed that position. Also, if you're going to do this, why not do it for the whole league?


Saying the Cowboys "need defenders" is like saying "the Cowboys will probably be drafting for one of the three aspects of the game."

The whole thing was an unfunny mess.
 
2013-04-23 03:57:58 PM  

Incorrigible Astronaut: Also, if you're going to do this, why not do it for the whole league?


If you felt it was stupid and repetitive after about 8 teams, imagine how you'd feel if it were repeated 32 times. And these were the ones they thought were funny enough that they felt a need to publish!
 
2013-04-23 04:01:30 PM  

Harv72b: I find it hilarious that people still click on PFM links expecting to find something witty or entertaining.


Because there are occasional gems of brilliance like the Intercepted Texts between Rex Ryan and Pete Carroll
 
2013-04-23 04:01:53 PM  
Not a very CSB, but I get to take a Wonderlic tomorrow as part of a job interview. If I do poorly, I'm going to scream "But Frank Gore got a 6 and he's good at his job!" And then do lots of pushups.
 
2013-04-23 04:03:10 PM  

Sapper_Topo: I dont know guys I thought the Vikings exchange was pretty damn good. Why? Because it was spot on thats why.


Post it, that link killed my Note 2
 
2013-04-23 04:04:18 PM  

VTGremlin: Not a very CSB, but I get to take a Wonderlic tomorrow as part of a job interview. If I do poorly, I'm going to scream "But Frank Gore got a 6 and he's good at his job!" And then do lots of pushups.


The Wonderlic is stupid-easy. You'll be fine.
 
2013-04-23 04:05:17 PM  
I declared my eligibility for the NFL draft. I have almost no football experience (other than watching it), and I'm almost 40 years old, but I do have a very common name. With any luck, someone will accidentally draft me. I'll be a sixth-string punter for the Dolphins if they're willing to pay me league minimum...
 
2013-04-23 04:06:51 PM  
Is there a potential new owner the Bengals can draft?
 
2013-04-23 04:13:13 PM  
You want funny? How about TMQ's mock draft?!?!!

http://espn.go.com/espn/playbook/story/_/id/9200935/tuesday-morning- qu arterback-returns-mock-nfl-mock-drafts

2. Jacksonville. Errol Flynn, actor.
3. Oakland. Lindsay Lohan, former actress.
4. Philadelphia. Vera Wang, couturier.
11. San Diego. A 110-yard field.
12. Miami. Mrs. Paul, seafood retailer.
15. New Orleans. Duane Chapman, bounty hunter.
21. Cincinnati. Parking meters.
22. St. Louis. Bernard Madoff, jailed former confidence man.
30. Atlanta. Diogenes of Sinope, seeker of honesty.
31. San Francisco. Ivan Pavlov, physiologist.
32. Baltimore. Anquan Boldin, wide receiver.


Oh, ho ho! Such erudite comedy!

:hangs self for liking TMQ a decade ago:
 
2013-04-23 04:14:49 PM  

Treygreen13: VTGremlin: Not a very CSB, but I get to take a Wonderlic tomorrow as part of a job interview. If I do poorly, I'm going to scream "But Frank Gore got a 6 and he's good at his job!" And then do lots of pushups.

The Wonderlic is stupid-easy. You'll be fine.


Jesus Christ. You aren't kidding.

http://walterfootball.com/draftwonderlic.php

walterfootball.com
 
2013-04-23 04:16:06 PM  
Do you ever wonder if there was some other content worse than this that this beat out?
 
2013-04-23 04:18:41 PM  
I wonder how much any three of us could be paid to out mock PFM...
 
2013-04-23 04:18:45 PM  

Incorrigible Astronaut: timswar: That wasn't so much funny as it was accurate.

I wouldn't even say accurate. They just picked a random thing about each team and had a "clever" line about why the team needed that position. Also, if you're going to do this, why not do it for the whole league?


I was disappointed by the lack of a Panthers jab. I guess it didn't easily write itself.
 
2013-04-23 04:19:59 PM  
OK, the Jets' was pretty funny.
 
2013-04-23 04:23:20 PM  

rufus-t-firefly: Jesus Christ. You aren't kidding.


In fairness, the questions are easy but the time is limited and on occasion you can get going so quickly that you f*ck up something simple.

I remember taking a practice one and I was whipping through it and it had something like "What is the eighth month of the year?" My brain saw the OCT in October and I instinctively clicked that. Who the f*ck made our idiot calendar?

/what makes it worse is my birthday is in August
 
2013-04-23 04:36:58 PM  

IAmRight: rufus-t-firefly: Jesus Christ. You aren't kidding.

In fairness, the questions are easy but the time is limited and on occasion you can get going so quickly that you f*ck up something simple.

I remember taking a practice one and I was whipping through it and it had something like "What is the eighth month of the year?" My brain saw the OCT in October and I instinctively clicked that. Who the f*ck made our idiot calendar?

/what makes it worse is my birthday is in August


It's a test to see if you can think critically and process information quickly in both number and word form. The thing about the Wonderlic for players is that that don't need to get a perfect score on it. Hell, they don't even need to "pass" it. They just don't have to fail it in hilarious fashion.
 
2013-04-23 04:40:34 PM  

IAmRight: rufus-t-firefly: Jesus Christ. You aren't kidding.

In fairness, the questions are easy but the time is limited and on occasion you can get going so quickly that you f*ck up something simple.


You also get to take the test twice, with the higher score being the one that's accepted. They don't even change the questions, it's the exact same test, and you retake it immediately.
 
2013-04-23 04:45:03 PM  

timujin: jake_lex: I would say that several teams, including the Dallas Cowboys, Washington Redskins, and Cincinnati Bengals, need to draft new owners.

With the way Texans feel about football, I'm surprised no one has put a price on Jones' head yet.


They have, but Jones is the only one who can afford it.  So he buys the contract on his own head and fails to kill himself.
 
2013-04-23 04:45:48 PM  
Treygreen13:
It's a test to see if you can think critically and process information quickly in both number and word form. The thing about the Wonderlic for players is that that don't need to get a perfect score on it. Hell, they don't even need to "pass" it. They just don't have to fail it in hilarious fashion.

I was watching a segment on ESPN a few years ago, and they were explaining a Wonderlic question.   The question was something like, 'a sister is 10 and the brother is 8, how old would they be 10 years later'.   The commentators explained that the 'correct answer was 20 and 16', and that it was 'a math problem designed to trick you'.

Idiots.
 
2013-04-23 04:47:23 PM  

Rhypskallion: Treygreen13:
It's a test to see if you can think critically and process information quickly in both number and word form. The thing about the Wonderlic for players is that that don't need to get a perfect score on it. Hell, they don't even need to "pass" it. They just don't have to fail it in hilarious fashion.

I was watching a segment on ESPN a few years ago, and they were explaining a Wonderlic question.   The question was something like, 'a sister is 10 and the brother is 8, how old would they be 10 years later'.   The commentators explained that the 'correct answer was 20 and 16', and that it was 'a math problem designed to trick you'.

Idiots.


HAHAHAHA. Yeah. Sounds like ESPN's guys.
 
2013-04-23 04:55:29 PM  
Question 10 seems to be out of place.
 
2013-04-23 05:40:03 PM  

demonocracy21: OK, the Jets' was pretty funny.


Look up the Godell/Ray Lewis one in the "texts" section.  Also funny.
 
2013-04-23 05:47:21 PM  

Harv72b: I find it hilarious that people still click on PFM links expecting to find something witty or entertaining.


Ive come learn PFM stands for Pretty Farking Moronic.
 
2013-04-23 05:55:58 PM  
Is the one for the Jags just a picture of Gary Oldman from the Professional?
 
2013-04-23 06:03:39 PM  

IAmRight: Incorrigible Astronaut: Also, if you're going to do this, why not do it for the whole league?

If you felt it was stupid and repetitive after about 8 teams, imagine how you'd feel if it were repeated 32 times. And these were the ones they thought were funny enough that they felt a need to publish!


Good point.
 
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