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(AskMen)   Eleven places women want to be touched. "In your Ferrari" should have been number 12   (askmen.com) divider line 129
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35777 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Dec 2003 at 3:28 PM (10 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2003-12-28 12:54:29 PM
Greatest.Headline.Ever.
 
2003-12-28 12:57:07 PM
NO to: Feet, ankles, behind the knee (wtf), stomach, and wrists.

that's just weird.

Big yes to head, neck, ears, and thighs tho. mmm
 
2003-12-28 12:59:44 PM
* Wants to touch IrishDrunk *
 
2003-12-28 01:02:02 PM
Well, that was a stretch, considering they pretty much include every part of the body.
 
2003-12-28 01:02:36 PM
This is going to be funny.
 
2003-12-28 01:04:32 PM
Did they include the hey-nanoo-nanoo?
Most of the girls I dated like to be touched there...
 
2003-12-28 01:14:17 PM
nanoo-nanoo?


sexah.
 
2003-12-28 01:44:09 PM
Everything in the triangle between her nipples and her cha-cha is off limits until you've properly appreciated everything outside the triangle at least twice. EVERYTHING.

/Maxim
 
2003-12-28 02:34:16 PM
I'm imagining some guy printing this out and checking each part off as he goes along.

They purposely left out boobies and vagina though. I'd personally prefer to have my nipples chewed than someone rubbing behind my left knee in a circular motion but ah well, I don't think I'll be doing anyone who takes advice from askmen.com anyway.
 
2003-12-28 03:32:27 PM
Best headline ever!
 
2003-12-28 03:33:58 PM
I guess the back seat of a Volkswagen is too uncomfortable.
 
2003-12-28 03:34:00 PM
*Big yes to head* thats encouraging, I like a female that says yes to head
 
2003-12-28 03:34:11 PM
Big yes to head, neck, ears

 
2003-12-28 03:35:16 PM
Well....speaking as a guy who HAS had sex, i'd say it depends on the woman.

I dare anyone to take this "chart" to their next date.

"No, no. askmen.com SAYS you like that. NOW LIKE IT, FREAK!"
 
lbn
2003-12-28 03:36:49 PM
Isn't the subject matter of this article a little...uh..."beyond the scope" of AssMen.com?
 
2003-12-28 03:36:52 PM
 
2003-12-28 03:37:47 PM
(Sung to London Bridges)
Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes,
Knees and Toes, Knees and Toes.

Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes,
We all clap hands together (clap clap)

Eyes and Ears and Mouth and Nose,
Mouth and Nose, Mouth and Nose.

Eyes and Ears and Mouth and Nose,
We all clap hands together (clap clap)

/very old song
 
2003-12-28 03:37:53 PM
I call bullshiat. The very idea of an Askmen.com writer touching any woman other than his mother is quite preposterous.
 
2003-12-28 03:38:11 PM
So touch everywhere except boobs and vagina, except when she wants to be touched there. Thanks for the tip. Worst article ever.
 
2003-12-28 03:39:28 PM
*sigh*

I think I can remember what sex was like. That was back before I became a programmer tho. Nothing kills interest from a woman faster when she finds out you're a code slinger. Something about all that mathmatical precision scares'em for some reason.
 
2003-12-28 03:41:16 PM
Groan...basically they listed off everything. The point is that, at least in my experience, women like to be touched anywhere depending on how you do it. You don't need to follow some list.

The way it was written was pretty dismal too. I totally got the impressing they were intending this to be used by a fat 45-year-old in his mother's basement, imagining sliding his wet, Cheetos-stained lips over a girl's ear lobes.
 
2003-12-28 03:41:29 PM
My ladyfriend loves it when she is kissed on the stomach, and the hips. Not sure why, but it works. Yay for collarbone as well.

Woo hoo.

P.S. Did anyone else find the term "lick" extremely overused, and unsexxy in context? Sure, using the tongue is great, but i wouldn't say "lick." Sounds as if you're a labrador or something. Ah well, chalk that up to AssMen.crap
 
2003-12-28 03:42:00 PM

"Yeah, I knew all dat!"
 
2003-12-28 03:42:55 PM
2003-12-28 02:34:16 PM cola

I don't think I'll be doing anyone who takes advice from askmen.com anyway.



Really? *walks away half crying and frustraited*
 
2003-12-28 03:43:14 PM
I don't care what people say. I love askmen threads. All this complaining is just funny. Hate the "articles", though.
 
2003-12-28 03:45:05 PM
 
2003-12-28 03:45:09 PM
whatev... she says she don't like it, it means she hasn't been coldcocked recently.

/shaved-ape
 
2003-12-28 03:46:34 PM
P.S. Did anyone else find the term "lick" extremely overused, and unsexxy in context? Sure, using the tongue is great, but i wouldn't say "lick." Sounds as if you're a labrador or something. Ah well, chalk that up to AssMen.crap


Another asshat who complains and offers no solution, followed up with an "I'm hip too, look at me bash something everyone else is!" slam at AskMen.com.

So, what do you suggest, Lemmington? I personally like to hit the backs of the joints (knees, wrists, ankles) and also find the slope of the neck a playground.
 
CB
2003-12-28 03:47:00 PM
Ok, this is a secret I picked up from an ancient tome on sex that was bound in ancient gotskin condoms. Don't spread this around ok. Do the "Blowing to make farting sounds on the tummy" thing. Really. REALLY! Would I make this up?
 
2003-12-28 03:53:17 PM
I find the conversations held in these threads more informative than the articles themselves.

Go figure, eh?
 
2003-12-28 03:55:54 PM
Okay what about the emotional touch??!!!?
 
2003-12-28 03:55:57 PM
 
2003-12-28 03:59:38 PM
I'm not bashing AskMen right now because it's hip.

I'm bashing AskMen because they know exactly nothing about actually interacting with women. This article is inane because every woman is different, and also because it covers everything but the shins and arms so they couldn't possibly miss anything. Other AskMen articles are stupid for their own reasons - remember "All women are manipulative biatches"? This site is a wonderful seething mass of endlessly varying stupidity, and the one thing I'll say for these links is that the ensuing discussion is a lot of fun.
 
2003-12-28 04:00:09 PM
cola: Careful with talk like that; you'll get the natives excited. ;)

CB: Roommate's ex hated that, so that secret doesn't apply to all. Just providing warning, in case anyone else should try; slapping may ensue.
 
2003-12-28 04:01:04 PM
If I tried to pull that shiat with my gf, she'd laugh her ass off. Anyone who has to rely on those moves should just stay home with mom.
 
2003-12-28 04:03:34 PM
God this shiat sucks ass. I thought we were rid of htem forever.
 
2003-12-28 04:03:37 PM
Hrmm.. probably should have read like this:

3- Back
I can't tell you what it does for my man when I lay him down on his side with his back facing me, and softly lick and kiss his hairy back starting at the top and slowly make my way down to his stumpy manhole.

How farking gay can you get with an article? I could have written that article with two words.

Try foreplay.
 
2003-12-28 04:05:40 PM
Hey Bonestorm, come off your high horse and relax a bit. It was just an opinion, and you personally attack me for it? Way to be mature.

To give the bottle to the baby, how about saying "kiss your partner, occasionally using your tongue as an accent."

Also, I don't like AskMen.com, and think that article was really accurate, as hopefully the farketts will attest.

Or I could be totally wrong, which is something I'm SURE you've never experienced.

Drink a beer man, seriously.
 
2003-12-28 04:08:24 PM
Humphrey: So, just listen. Now, did I or did I not... do... vaginal... juices?
Pupils: Mmm. Mmm. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Humphrey: Name two ways of getting them flowing, Watson.
Watson: R-- rubbing the clitoris, sir?
Humphrey: What's wrong with a kiss, boy? Hmm? Why not start her off with a nice kiss? You don't have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate. Give her a kiss, boy.
Wymer: Suck the nipple, sir?
Humphrey: Good! Good. Well done, Wymer.
Pupil: Uh, stroking the thighs, sir.
Humphrey: Yes. Yes, I suppose so. Hmm?
Pupil: Oh, sir. Biting the neck.
Humphrey: Yes. Good. Nibbling the earlobe, uhh, kneading the buttocks, and so on and so forth. So, we have all these possibilities before we stampede towards the clitoris, Watson.
Watson: Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
 
2003-12-28 04:09:46 PM
I think that article was INaccurate. Sorry folks.
 
2003-12-28 04:11:04 PM
Women are just money-grubbing biatches. They are only after money AND NOTHING ELSE!


Prove me wrong ladies...prove me wrong.
 
2003-12-28 04:12:17 PM
I can't tell you what it does for my man when I lay him down on his side with his back facing me, and softly lick and kiss his hairy back starting at the top and slowly make my way down to his stumpy manhole.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA!!! HOLY shiat!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
 
2003-12-28 04:14:46 PM
In a study of askmen.com girlfriends, top two places to be touched were breasts and penis.
 
2003-12-28 04:19:22 PM
slowly make my way down to his stumpy manhole.

What. The. F*ck.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2003-12-28 04:24:04 PM
I'm imagining some guy printing this out and checking each part off as he goes along.

That's "Counting Out Time" from The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway. Rael goes over the 11 erogenous zones he learned from a book.
 
2003-12-28 04:24:05 PM
And now, in support of "Equal Time", the 11 places Men want to be touch.

1) The Wang
2) The Penis
3) The Crotch
4) Twig and Berries
5) Mr. Happy
6) The Little Soldier
7) The Junk
8) The Monkey
9) The WeeWee
10) The Ding-Dang-Doodle
11) The Magic Banana
 
2003-12-28 04:24:10 PM
Whisper in her ear, "Tonight is your night."

What kind of cheeze dick shiat is that?!
 
2003-12-28 04:24:21 PM
Put her middle finger in your mouth and suck on it gently, and then ask her to do the same... but not to your finger.

Pretty classy. I'll save this little tip for Valentine's Day.
 
2003-12-28 04:24:40 PM
... or touched even.
 
2003-12-28 04:25:11 PM
...stumpy manhole...

WTF?!

Why even stop at "stumpy manhole"? Why not just just go ALL the way down on his "Vestigial Tail"?
 
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