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(Time)   Six things that are surprisingly banned from most front yards   (business.time.com) divider line 43
    More: Silly, vegetable gardens, garden gnomes, Whitefish Bay  
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24655 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Apr 2013 at 8:43 PM (51 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-04-22 08:35:32 PM
4 votes:

Mugato: Read your fascist HOA contract before you signDo not move into neighborhoods that have an HOA.


FTFM
2013-04-22 07:55:26 PM
4 votes:
Read your fascist HOA contract before you sign.
2013-04-22 11:14:58 PM
3 votes:
What most think a front yard garden will look like:

imavex.vo.llnwd.net

What they really look like most of the year:
i.imgur.com

Which might be ok, just don't romanticize what you're getting into.
2013-04-22 09:19:50 PM
3 votes:
I've lived in too many crowded and over regulated places where a flower pot in the wrong place or ivy that grew 6" over the fence would get you a stern wag of the finger from your friendly HOA brown shirt in no time.
Finally had enough of all the nonsense of city life and retreated deep into the woods. No complaints about too many howling dogs, a boat trailer parked in the driveway, a basketball hoop or the handful of picknick tables around the fire pit.

/Land of the free
2013-04-22 09:13:10 PM
3 votes:
It's a good thing I don't live any place that had a front lawn; one of the first things I'd do is plow up the useless inedible grass and put in some raised beds for actual produce. That way, any labor I have to expend on the plants will eventually come back to me as calories or as nutrients.

Of course, any place around here that has plots with lawns will probably have HOAs or neighbors that will have a shrieking shiat fit about someone actually tilling the soil instead of creating a living monument of too much free time and OCD.

Have I mentioned I hate lawns? They suck.
2013-04-22 09:09:51 PM
3 votes:
upload.wikimedia.org
2013-04-22 09:08:11 PM
3 votes:
Remember, you can only grow useless plants that consume water and produce little in return. Nothing that's actually useful. Enjoy your freedom.
2013-04-22 08:33:04 PM
3 votes:
Missing from list: graves
2013-04-23 12:13:13 AM
2 votes:

xxmedium: DarthBart: t3knomanser: This is why I don't have a yard. Well, not really. I don't have a yard because I have absolutely no interest in having a yard. But it sounds good, doesn't it? I have a nice little fenced in patio, paved with brick. I sweep it a few times a year.

SurelyShirley: Finally had enough of all the nonsense of city life

/up until a year or two ago, you couldn't park a pickup truck in your driveway in Cape Coral
//brand new or broken down beater, didn't matter

You've got to be kidding. Most trucks cost more than new cars do. I could see them making a case for maybe on-street parking but you are going to tell someone essentially what type of vehicle they can park in their own driveway? If accurate, I'm surprised that scenario hasn't seen the inside of a courtroom yet.


Remember, once the HOA gets started, they can write anything they want in.  You buy the house, you automatically agree to any BS they wanna fling, you don't get to complain.  A courtroom case wouldn't last 10 minutes most likely, it's all bound up nicely in legalese and those lovely 'binding automatic agreements' that are so popular nowadays.
2013-04-22 11:49:37 PM
2 votes:
I'm ripping up my front lawn and planting prairie grasses and wildflowers.  Less for me to mow, better for water filtration/absorption, and attracts birds and butterflies.  If the neighbors don't like it, they can suck a fat one.  I might do a garden as well, as the back yard is mostly shaded by the 100+ year old oaks.  Perfect for entertaining, sucky for veggies.

/bought a nice old fixer upper
//buy low, kids
2013-04-22 11:05:58 PM
2 votes:

rugman11: It's probably the difference between a 1970s era HOA and a newer HOA.


I believe you are correct.  I know some people who live in an older subdivision with a 70's era HOA.  A retired Chicago cop moved in decided he wanted to raise goats in his back yard (this is a semi-rural area), so he did.  When one of the neighbors didn't like it she realized that the HOA agreements required that she had to built a case with the other neighbors to complain about his goats.  Turns out nobody cared as he took good care of those damn goats and she was just uptight, therefore the goats remain.  I think they are cute.
2013-04-22 10:34:54 PM
2 votes:
List fails without old bath-tubs converted to shrines to the BVM. (Italian, Portuguese neighbourhoods)

Mirror balls and planters made from old tires painted white. (proles with a touch of DIY)

Concrete geese and deer. (animal lovers who love their animals stuffed and mounted.)

Excessive numbers of whirligigs and ducks with wings that rotate. (Insane People Live Here.)

Old men mowing the lawn with scythes (time warps)

Goats. (back roads full of hippies with suspiciously large collections of luxury four-wheel drives)

Junked pick-up trucks, with resident goat. (Adam Sandler sketches)

Matched sets of tiny lions, tight-assed 50s and 60s topiary. (People who know all the words to Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail)

Rented signs that quote Scriptures (Dangerously religious people).

Shoes hanging from the telephone wires. (Foot fetishists that don't take down their Christmas decorations).
Christmas decorations galore (People who can't let go.)

Easter decorations (People who go too far.)

Over-wrought Halloween decorations (cool people if the date is between Oct 1-31), creepy people if the date is between Dec 1- Feb 14).

The overflow of cars from the driveway (Party people, working class rural people with six teenage children).

A Rolls Royce Silver Phantom (Very, very lucky people. And you're lucky too if you got that far up the drive without being shot.)

A complete set of garden gnomes (people who sell garden gnomes and the people they sell them to.)

Tombstones (The house was once a church or the home-owner sells funeral monuments from his home.)

Jimmy Carter wearing a giant beehive wig. (You are watching a Simpsons cartoon. Or else you are stoned.)
2013-04-22 10:06:11 PM
2 votes:

t3knomanser: This is why I don't have a yard. Well, not really. I don't have a yard because I have absolutely no interest in having a yard. But it sounds good, doesn't it? I have a nice little fenced in patio, paved with brick. I sweep it a few times a year.

SurelyShirley: Finally had enough of all the nonsense of city life

Maybe it's the east coast, but I have  never seen a HOA within city borders. You generally don't get a HOA until you're out in the burbs. I saw a few city-ish HOAs when I visited Denver, but none in anything I'd call a "city" neighborhood. As a general rule, if you need a car to get groceries, you  probably don't live in a city (or you live too deep into the city such that you're in a 'food desert').


My old house was within the city limits of Douglasville, GA and was within an HOA as well. Granted, Douglasville was a suburb of Atlanta, but it was an incorporated city and it was outside of Fulton County.

New house? Not in an HOA, not in the city limits, out in the unincorporated parts of Lee Co, Florida. There's some county rules and regulations, but they're pretty tame compared to the Gestapo rules of Cape Coral and Ft Myers.

/up until a year or two ago, you couldn't park a pickup truck in your driveway in Cape Coral
//brand new or broken down beater, didn't matter
2013-04-22 09:42:55 PM
2 votes:

SurelyShirley: I've lived in too many crowded and over regulated places where a flower pot in the wrong place or ivy that grew 6" over the fence would get you a stern wag of the finger from your friendly HOA brown shirt in no time.
Finally had enough of all the nonsense of city life and retreated deep into the woods. No complaints about too many howling dogs, a boat trailer parked in the driveway, a basketball hoop or the handful of picknick tables around the fire pit.

/Land of the free


It seems like overzealous HOAs are mostly a suburban thing.  I've lived most of my life in a city, a rather large one and people put all sorts of random shiat in their little postage stamp front yards.   Not too long ago someone made an eight foot white crane out of fabric and installed that in their front yard and nobody cared except to take pictures of it or make fun of them.  I've seen people grow vegetables (a bad idea in this soil if not done right), make shrines to whatever saint or god they worship, construct elaborate 'art' installations, set up a fire in a container in a double lot and hang around it drinking beer etc. and I've not seen much in the way of concern by the city unless it is unsafe to passerbys or is attracting rodents.

Whenever I hear stories about these HOAs, I just imagine watching their collective heads explode if they had to live by the guy in my old neighborhood who did this to his house (who sadly died in 2007).  Thankfully nobody around here seemed to care about his unique sense of exterior decoration and let him be.

www.wurlington-bros.com
2013-04-22 09:22:56 PM
2 votes:
Ah yes, home "ownership", because it's "yours" and you can do what you want... uh huh. Explain that to me again, mortgage-slaves?
2013-04-22 09:08:55 PM
2 votes:
www.portalisimo.com

Zombies vs HOA's
2013-04-22 08:50:51 PM
2 votes:
Yes, HOAs are insane.  However, this particular article deals primarily with municipal regulations...not HOAs.  City government can occasionally be insane too.
2013-04-23 02:20:21 AM
1 votes:

oohpah: Two blocks from me a guy planted flowers in an ugly toilet in his front yard. Came here to see toilets on the list. Didn't see squat.


Of course.

That's why we have toilets.
2013-04-23 01:10:03 AM
1 votes:
My front yard is mostly edible trees, vines, bushes, perennial and annual veggies, native prairie grasses and wildflowers, with a few special ornamental plants thrown in here and there.  Most people notice my garden and I get a lot of compliments from neighbors and visitors, but few people even realize it's mostly food.  This notion that edible plants are less attractive than strictly ornamental ones is silly; the plants that I get the most "oohs" and "ahs" over are my tall, ferny asparagus, bold, stately artichokes, and my hardy almond trees when they're covered in gorgeous pink blossoms that rival ornamental cherries and bloom much earlier.

/I have to admit, though, boxy raised veggie beds are ugly.
2013-04-22 11:25:37 PM
1 votes:

Wizard Drongo: What I don't understand (being in Scotland) about these HOA's is how they actually enforce their batshiattery..

I know when you buy your house from the last victim, in the sale contract with the Owner, you have to sign the HOA contract...hence they can get you.
But what would happen if the person selling the house to you, declines to make that a condition;

At that point your contract of sale is purely with the Owner (who DOES have a contract with the HOA), but if you don't ink anything with the HOA, because the current Owner decides "fark em", aside from suing the old Owner once the sale has commenced, in what way can the HOA do shiat against you? You own the house; your contract with the previous owner, having no stupid clause about an HOA, is complete upon transfer of agreed funds etc. so how could the HOA, now a third-party to your contract with the Owner, come in and tell you to move shiat, change that, don't do this?

Any legal eagles in the US clear my ignorance up for me?


very basic explanation: Membership of the HOA is a restriction recorded against the real property. Whenever you buy the property, you take it subject to the HOA restrictions like taking property subject to any other easement. An HOA can usually enforce rulings by placing a lien on the property, then foreclosing if necessary.

Incidentally, HOA's that work are like the planes that land. They don't make the news, but they are the vast majority. My neighbor painting his house neon orange and putting couches and cars in the yard would be very bad for my house's value, so I don't complain.
2013-04-22 10:58:44 PM
1 votes:

Wizard Drongo: What I don't understand (being in Scotland) about these HOA's is how they actually enforce their batshiattery..

I know when you buy your house from the last victim, in the sale contract with the Owner, you have to sign the HOA contract...hence they can get you.
But what would happen if the person selling the house to you, declines to make that a condition;

At that point your contract of sale is purely with the Owner (who DOES have a contract with the HOA), but if you don't ink anything with the HOA, because the current Owner decides "fark em", aside from suing the old Owner once the sale has commenced, in what way can the HOA do shiat against you? You own the house; your contract with the previous owner, having no stupid clause about an HOA, is complete upon transfer of agreed funds etc. so how could the HOA, now a third-party to your contract with the Owner, come in and tell you to move shiat, change that, don't do this?

Any legal eagles in the US clear my ignorance up for me?


I'm actually wondering the same thing.  We just bought our house and there was no HOA contract to sign, but it turns out there is an HOA.  Now, the dues are minimal (like $20/month) and for the parks and walking trails we get it's worth it, and the restrictions aren't particularly onerous (no cars in the yard, no permanent clotheslines, try to keep trash bins out of site, etc.) but there is one big restriction that I'm curious about.  Supposedly, we're supposed to keep fences ten feet from the walking trails, but nobody seems to follow that restriction and I'm hoping it won't come up when we want to fence in our yard.  Honestly, I've seen a bunch of "violations" in the couple of weeks we've been here but nobody seems to really care about it.  It's probably the difference between a 1970s era HOA and a newer HOA.
2013-04-22 10:49:46 PM
1 votes:

tonguedepressor: [upload.wikimedia.org image 366x500]


Lawn jockeys aren't racist and were used to point the way to the underground railroad & code for a safe house/refuge for slaves.
2013-04-22 10:49:34 PM
1 votes:
When I was a young lad in New England (as an involuntary tourist, that is), I noted that there seems to be some sort of law that requires a lawn sale, garage sale, or a unattended stand selling some homely craft or "local" produce on every lawn and driveway. All the good stuff is gone before 5:00 a.m. (or 6:00 p.m. the night before if the homeowners allow "Early People"), so I'm not exactly sure what New Englanders have to sell, but whatever they have, they seem to sell it and everything else they can't fit in a garburator.

In fact, New Englanders never throw any thing out. They just move it around from yard to yard until it becomes antiques. People in the Maritime Provinces are smilar except they don't put the stuff they collect out on the lawn. At least, not if it's useful or nice. I've been in many houses that suggest the rule is that the interior decoration is the same period as the house because nobody ever buys new furniture once they've been married for three years. That's why you see truckloads of "antiques" heading West all summer. Their must be at last 600,000,000 XIXth century houses between Fredericton, New Brunswick and St. John's Harbour, Newfoundland.

Either that or somebody bought the entire stock of the Sears Roebuck Company between 1880-1939 and are slowly liquidating it an enormous profit.
2013-04-22 10:44:34 PM
1 votes:

Wizard Drongo: Any legal eagles in the US clear my ignorance up for me?


I would think there'd be covenants placed on the title.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Covenant_%28law%29#Covenants_in_planned _c ommunities
2013-04-22 10:44:12 PM
1 votes:

Galileo's Daughter: There are a few communities here in northeast Georgia that have signs stating they are "covenant restricted" communities.  As I understand it, that's an HOA taken to new levels of idiocy.


An HOA's restrictions/rules are typically called covenants.  There's nothing new here other than the signs state "covenant restricted" as opposed to "managed by XXXX HOA association".
2013-04-22 10:36:55 PM
1 votes:

AdrienVeidt: Lawlz, here in TX, I need my car to get my goddamn mail. And yes, I live in the city. Cities in the NE we're laid out before the car, and that's about the only place in America where what you describe is normal, man.


Uh, not just the NE.  There are a few other older cities in the US not in the NE that are laid out reasonably as well.  I live in a building built in the late 1800's a few blocks from a subway station and I'm nowhere near the NE.  I have a car but don't often drive it (I think I put about 4000 miles on it last year) because I can walk or take public transportation to much of what I need to, and no, I'm not some silly self-righteous little hipster, I'm in my 40's.
2013-04-22 10:35:36 PM
1 votes:
There are a few communities here in northeast Georgia that have signs stating they are "covenant restricted" communities.  As I understand it, that's an HOA taken to new levels of idiocy.
2013-04-22 10:22:15 PM
1 votes:

t3knomanser: This is why I don't have a yard. Well, not really. I don't have a yard because I have absolutely no interest in having a yard. But it sounds good, doesn't it? I have a nice little fenced in patio, paved with brick. I sweep it a few times a year.

SurelyShirley: Finally had enough of all the nonsense of city life

Maybe it's the east coast, but I have  never seen a HOA within city borders. You generally don't get a HOA until you're out in the burbs. I saw a few city-ish HOAs when I visited Denver, but none in anything I'd call a "city" neighborhood. As a general rule, if you need a car to get groceries, you  probably don't live in a city (or you live too deep into the city such that you're in a 'food desert').


Lawlz, here in TX, I need my car to get my goddamn mail. And yes, I live in the city. Cities in the NE we're laid out before the car, and that's about the only place in America where what you describe is normal, man.
2013-04-22 10:21:48 PM
1 votes:
The anti-vegetable (and rules about green grass) really confound me. Who cares what your yard grows as long as you can keep it tidy?
2013-04-22 10:16:51 PM
1 votes:
What I don't understand (being in Scotland) about these HOA's is how they actually enforce their batshiattery..

I know when you buy your house from the last victim, in the sale contract with the Owner, you have to sign the HOA contract...hence they can get you.
But what would happen if the person selling the house to you, declines to make that a condition;

At that point your contract of sale is purely with the Owner (who DOES have a contract with the HOA), but if you don't ink anything with the HOA, because the current Owner decides "fark em", aside from suing the old Owner once the sale has commenced, in what way can the HOA do shiat against you? You own the house; your contract with the previous owner, having no stupid clause about an HOA, is complete upon transfer of agreed funds etc. so how could the HOA, now a third-party to your contract with the Owner, come in and tell you to move shiat, change that, don't do this?

Any legal eagles in the US clear my ignorance up for me?
2013-04-22 10:07:26 PM
1 votes:

grimlock1972: I hate HOAS, but if your going to join one make sure you check what you want to do to your yard is permitted and it it seems borderline get it okayed first.  Same goes for city or county ordinances.

also No couches in yards or on porches period.


That one makes a little sense in that vermin like to live in them.  Nobody wants to sit on a skunk den
2013-04-22 10:05:39 PM
1 votes:

Ambivalence: Makes me glad my neighborhood is unincorporated.  I could have farking goats and chickens in my yard if I wanted.


Same here. Rural areas are the best. Can't keep horses and chickens in town. Or burn garbage.... Shoot squirrels, do pig roasts in the yard.
2013-04-22 09:56:22 PM
1 votes:
I'm all for freedom of expression, but can we please ban this shiat?

paulalovesmarla.files.wordpress.com
2013-04-22 09:55:42 PM
1 votes:
From the Whitefish Bay (the town that doesn't like book-sharing) municipal code:


All bicycles operated within the Village of Whitefish Bay are required to be licensed. The fee is $10.00, and the license does not expire.


What the bloody hell is the purpose of licensing bicycles ?
2013-04-22 09:48:34 PM
1 votes:

A Shambling Mound: I keep my tacky lawn art in the back yard where it amuses me and bothers no one but badly decorated yards are sort of a local art form. One of my area's less subtle displays:

[i.imgur.com image 514x385]


Love it. Humans should be free, not ants in a hive going to soul-crushing jobs to pay municipal and school taxes on tiny condos in a concrete jungle.
2013-04-22 09:38:57 PM
1 votes:

SurelyShirley: Not only because of the distance, but how else would you carry your stuff home?


If you can't carry your groceries the block from the grocery store, you get a granny cart. If the grocery store is more than three blocks away, it's not a city. That's east coast logic, anyway.
2013-04-22 09:26:25 PM
1 votes:
This is why I don't have a yard. Well, not really. I don't have a yard because I have absolutely no interest in having a yard. But it sounds good, doesn't it? I have a nice little fenced in patio, paved with brick. I sweep it a few times a year.

SurelyShirley: Finally had enough of all the nonsense of city life


Maybe it's the east coast, but I have  never seen a HOA within city borders. You generally don't get a HOA until you're out in the burbs. I saw a few city-ish HOAs when I visited Denver, but none in anything I'd call a "city" neighborhood. As a general rule, if you need a car to get groceries, you  probably don't live in a city (or you live too deep into the city such that you're in a 'food desert').
2013-04-22 09:25:42 PM
1 votes:
I agree with everything but the garden gnomes. They should be encouraged, and in fact a tax break should be given out to residents for each and every garden gnome they put out on their front lawns. This way when people walk or drive down the streets, they can see that it's a happy, peaceful community, and maybe then the actual gnomes will stop killing our first-born and all will be back to normal.
2013-04-22 09:20:21 PM
1 votes:
This is the guy who enforced these rules in his community:
truelifecrimes.com
2013-04-22 09:12:04 PM
1 votes:
The whole anti-garden thing has created the term Guerrilla Gardening.
2013-04-22 09:00:14 PM
1 votes:

Nuclear Monk: Yes, HOAs are insane.  However, this particular article deals primarily with municipal regulations...not HOAs.   City government can occasionally be insane too.


Great Neck is mentioned a few times, which isn't surprising considering the uptight nature of the demographic there.
2013-04-22 08:30:56 PM
1 votes:
Makes me glad my neighborhood is unincorporated.  I could have farking goats and chickens in my yard if I wanted.
2013-04-22 07:58:34 PM
1 votes:
Oooo HOA thread.

/runs for popcorn
 
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