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(KTVB Boise)   Worst female driver in the world vs. biggest douchebags in the world   (ktvb.com) divider line 173
    More: Fail, bike lanes  
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23157 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Apr 2013 at 10:22 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
 
2013-04-22 07:57:06 PM
Not shown: the bike lane entrance.

/lazy assholes
 
2013-04-22 08:01:56 PM
animationsa2z.com
 
2013-04-22 08:11:25 PM
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-04-22 08:34:44 PM
Subby, you had the beginnings of a good, multi-faceted troll here, but I'm afraid that, frankly, you blew it. Yes, you got the "biggest douchebags" reference in there for the bike riders, and that's going to cause a nice but somewhat predictable flare up between oblivious bike riders who think they own the road and waddling blubber cushions who couldn't ride half a mile if their life depended on it and are therefore jealous that they'll never be able to wear spandex without a very real risk of causing permanent blindness. But "worst female driver in the world"? Come on, is that supposed to enrage women or something? Being the "worst female driver" is only saying something about that one driver. It's not saying anything about female drivers in general. In fact, if you just take the words at their literal sense, it's actually not an insult at all. It takes the "worst female driver in the world" to do something like this? I guess all the rest of them must be pretty good drivers then, huh? At least good enough to not have this happen, anyway.

Now, let's look at this another way. What if she's not "the worst female driver in the world" but is rather a "typical female driver?" A fair representative, in other words, of all women drivers. Now  that would be saying something. And what if we just tweaked the overall tone of the headline, made it a question. People like headlines that are questions...it pulls them in, makes them want to click the link to see if the answer they've already shaped in their head fits the actual scenario. So, instead of "worst female driver in the world vs. the biggest douchebags in the world," maybe you'd have something like this:

What happens when a typical female driver meets the biggest douchebags on the road?"

or, for something even punchier and more direct:

Woman driver vs. douchebags. Who loses?

Lots of other possibilities, too. The main thing to remember is to not go overboard with the hyperbole. Lots of times, things are funnier when you present them as mundane. That's true even when you're talking about the sort of simpletons who live in Idaho.
 
2013-04-22 08:41:16 PM
This is exactly why we shouldn't have bike lanes: they make things terribly unsafe for drivers.
 
2013-04-22 09:10:21 PM
Holy shiat, they have bike lanes on bridges out there?

Man. My area sucks for bike riders.
 
2013-04-22 10:25:01 PM
I hate to do this but she was driving a Pontiac Parisiennet?
/surely not right
 
2013-04-22 10:25:24 PM
The driver was not cited.

The fark?!
 
2013-04-22 10:28:19 PM
That reminds me, I need to clean off the lycra that's stuck to my bumper.
 
2013-04-22 10:28:32 PM

lordargent: The driver was not cited.

The fark?!


They never showed her or gave her name, I'm willing to bet she was old as hell. Retirees get away with a lot of shiat.
 
2013-04-22 10:29:44 PM

Pocket Ninja: Subby, you had the beginnings of a good, multi-faceted troll here, but I'm afraid that, frankly, you blew it. Yes, you got the "biggest douchebags" reference in there for the bike riders, and that's going to cause a nice but somewhat predictable flare up between oblivious bike riders who think they own the road and waddling blubber cushions who couldn't ride half a mile if their life depended on it and are therefore jealous that they'll never be able to wear spandex without a very real risk of causing permanent blindness. But "worst female driver in the world"? Come on, is that supposed to enrage women or something? Being the "worst female driver" is only saying something about that one driver. It's not saying anything about female drivers in general. In fact, if you just take the words at their literal sense, it's actually not an insult at all. It takes the "worst female driver in the world" to do something like this? I guess all the rest of them must be pretty good drivers then, huh? At least good enough to not have this happen, anyway.

Now, let's look at this another way. What if she's not "the worst female driver in the world" but is rather a "typical female driver?" A fair representative, in other words, of all women drivers. Now  that would be saying something. And what if we just tweaked the overall tone of the headline, made it a question. People like headlines that are questions...it pulls them in, makes them want to click the link to see if the answer they've already shaped in their head fits the actual scenario. So, instead of "worst female driver in the world vs. the biggest douchebags in the world," maybe you'd have something like this:

What happens when a typical female driver meets the biggest douchebags on the road?"

or, for something even punchier and more direct:

Woman driver vs. douchebags. Who loses?

Lots of other possibilities, too. The main thing to remember is to not go overboard with the hyperbole. Lots of times, things are funnier when ...


8/10
 
2013-04-22 10:30:43 PM

lordargent: The driver was not cited.

The fark?!


No laws were broken.
 
2013-04-22 10:30:50 PM

Pocket Ninja: [text]


Not just (quietly) hilarious, but terrific writing advice.  Plus a nice punch at the end.  Quality throughout.
 
2013-04-22 10:32:18 PM

lordargent: The driver was not cited.

The fark?!


Pussy pass
 
2013-04-22 10:32:54 PM

Pocket Ninja: Subby, you had the beginnings of a good, multi-faceted troll here, but I'm afraid that, frankly, you blew it. Yes, you got the "biggest douchebags" reference in there for the bike riders, and that's going to cause a nice but somewhat predictable flare up between oblivious bike riders who think they own the road and waddling blubber cushions who couldn't ride half a mile if their life depended on it and are therefore jealous that they'll never be able to wear spandex without a very real risk of causing permanent blindness. But "worst female driver in the world"? Come on, is that supposed to enrage women or something? Being the "worst female driver" is only saying something about that one driver. It's not saying anything about female drivers in general. In fact, if you just take the words at their literal sense, it's actually not an insult at all. It takes the "worst female driver in the world" to do something like this? I guess all the rest of them must be pretty good drivers then, huh? At least good enough to not have this happen, anyway.

Now, let's look at this another way. What if she's not "the worst female driver in the world" but is rather a "typical female driver?" A fair representative, in other words, of all women drivers. Now  that would be saying something. And what if we just tweaked the overall tone of the headline, made it a question. People like headlines that are questions...it pulls them in, makes them want to click the link to see if the answer they've already shaped in their head fits the actual scenario. So, instead of "worst female driver in the world vs. the biggest douchebags in the world," maybe you'd have something like this:

What happens when a typical female driver meets the biggest douchebags on the road?"

or, for something even punchier and more direct:

Woman driver vs. douchebags. Who loses?

Lots of other possibilities, too. The main thing to remember is to not go overboard with the hyperbole. Lots of times, things are funnier when you present them as mundane. That's true even when you're talking about the sort of simpletons who live in Idaho.


Got damn, you're a genius!
 
2013-04-22 10:33:16 PM

doglover: lordargent: The driver was not cited.

The fark?!

No laws were broken.


I'm pretty sure operating a motor vehicle on a designated bike path is illegal in most states.
 
2013-04-22 10:34:08 PM

keypusher: Pocket Ninja: [text]

Not just (quietly) hilarious, but terrific writing advice.  Plus a nice punch at the end.  Quality throughout.


Agreed, that why PN's a favorite.
 
2013-04-22 10:35:08 PM

Pocket Ninja: Subby, you had the beginnings of a good, multi-faceted troll here, but I'm afraid that, frankly, you blew it. Yes, you got the "biggest douchebags" reference in there for the bike riders, and that's going to cause a nice but somewhat predictable flare up between oblivious bike riders who think they own the road and waddling blubber cushions who couldn't ride half a mile if their life depended on it and are therefore jealous that they'll never be able to wear spandex without a very real risk of causing permanent blindness. But "worst female driver in the world"? Come on, is that supposed to enrage women or something? Being the "worst female driver" is only saying something about that one driver. It's not saying anything about female drivers in general. In fact, if you just take the words at their literal sense, it's actually not an insult at all. It takes the "worst female driver in the world" to do something like this? I guess all the rest of them must be pretty good drivers then, huh? At least good enough to not have this happen, anyway.

Now, let's look at this another way. What if she's not "the worst female driver in the world" but is rather a "typical female driver?" A fair representative, in other words, of all women drivers. Now  that would be saying something. And what if we just tweaked the overall tone of the headline, made it a question. People like headlines that are questions...it pulls them in, makes them want to click the link to see if the answer they've already shaped in their head fits the actual scenario. So, instead of "worst female driver in the world vs. the biggest douchebags in the world,"
maybe you'd have something like this:

What happens when a typical female driver meets the biggest douchebags on the road?"

or, for something even punchier and more direct:

Woman driver vs. douchebags. Who loses?

Lots of other possibilities, too. The main thing to remember is to not go overboard with the hyperbole. Lots of times, things are funnier when ...

 
2013-04-22 10:35:51 PM

Lando Lincoln: Holy shiat, they have bike lanes on bridges out there?

Man. My area sucks for bike riders.


When staying in Virginia to attend a rally in the District of Columbia, I rented a bicycle and cycled across the Potomac River by way of a designated cycling/pedestrian lane on a bridge.
 
2013-04-22 10:36:05 PM
Don't they usually put a post in the middle of the entrances to stop that?
 
2013-04-22 10:36:06 PM

alienated: Pocket Ninja: Subby,

8/10


What part was trolling? I thought that was pretty sage advice. Unless that was just a grading compared to his other works, then I can't really argue.
 
2013-04-22 10:36:22 PM

max_pooper: doglover: lordargent: The driver was not cited.

The fark?!

No laws were broken.

I'm pretty sure operating a motor vehicle on a designated bike path is illegal in most states.


Plus I'm fairly certain they could have nailed her for distracted driving.
 
2013-04-22 10:37:04 PM
We have a new experimental bike lane here in Chicago.

Two-way bike traffic on a one-way street.

With separate red & green traffic lights for bikes.

I think it's going to confuse the fark out of everybody - drivers, cyclists and pedestrians.

/ Cyclist

lh3.googleusercontent.com
 
2013-04-22 10:38:40 PM

max_pooper: doglover: lordargent: The driver was not cited.

The fark?!

No laws were broken.

I'm pretty sure operating a motor vehicle on a designated bike path is illegal in most states.


Female Driver.
 
2013-04-22 10:39:48 PM

scottydoesntknow: What part was trolling?


It wasnt, or maybe it was. I gave the post 8 points for content. It might have been 9/10 if he had used Downtown Bumfarkville i/o Idaho
 
2013-04-22 10:39:59 PM

jaytkay: We have a new experimental bike lane here in Chicago.

Two-way bike traffic on a one-way street.

With separate red & green traffic lights for bikes.

I think it's going to confuse the fark out of everybody - drivers, cyclists and pedestrians.

/ Cyclist

[lh3.googleusercontent.com image 480x638]


Well you can't make an omelette without cracking a few eggs...

That's pretty farked up though. Why would cyclists need separate lights?
 
2013-04-22 10:40:06 PM
not cited?

Well, she'll just keep doing it again and again then.  If you don't start citing people, everyone will want to get stuck in that bike lane for an hour.
 
2013-04-22 10:40:09 PM
FTFA: Some bikers, however, had trouble getting around the car.

Ahhh... The irony...

/boo-f*cking-hoo
 
2013-04-22 10:40:39 PM
Pathetic of them not to show where she turned onto the bike path from.  I chased it down on google maps and it doesn't appear to be signed as bikes only, but it doesn't look like the kind of road you should be turning down, either.  It looks like a service road or bike path.
 
2013-04-22 10:41:37 PM
I read the headline and immediately thought it was about Danica vs. the rest of the Nascar field.
 
2013-04-22 10:41:51 PM

Grave_Girl: max_pooper: doglover: lordargent: The driver was not cited.

The fark?!

No laws were broken.

I'm pretty sure operating a motor vehicle on a designated bike path is illegal in most states.

Plus I'm fairly certain they could have nailed her for distracted driving.


Yeah I'm not really sure how she escaped with no citation here. You get tickets for driving in a painted bike lane in my town.

And that is so totally not the world's worst female driver. This one is worse, at least.
 
2013-04-22 10:42:03 PM

EViLTeW: Pathetic of them not to show where she turned onto the bike path from.  I chased it down on google maps and it doesn't appear to be signed as bikes only, but it doesn't look like the kind of road you should be turning down, either.  It looks like a service road or bike path.


www.careercapitalist.com

RECALCULATING!
 
2013-04-22 10:43:09 PM

Pocket Ninja: Subby, you had the beginnings of a good, multi-faceted troll here, but I'm afraid that, frankly, you blew it. Yes, you got the "biggest douchebags" reference in there for the bike riders, and that's going to cause a nice but somewhat predictable flare up between oblivious bike riders who think they own the road and waddling blubber cushions who couldn't ride half a mile if their life depended on it and are therefore jealous that they'll never be able to wear spandex without a very real risk of causing permanent blindness.


I would have gone with a "Tour de Fark You" reference [nsfw language], myself.
 
2013-04-22 10:43:33 PM
"biggest douchebags in the world"? ... subby sounds fat
 
2013-04-22 10:43:37 PM
Do not understand. Installing one of these won't work, why?
farm3.staticflickr.com
 
2013-04-22 10:44:09 PM
He could not believe the driver was not cited, and that this was not the first time a driver had entered the bikepath from the Washington side. Safety procedures need to be changed on that end of the bridge, he said.

So in the same breath, this guy acknowledged that there is a procedural problem that has been at least partially responsible for this on more than one occasion, and implied that she should be punished for her mistake, regardless?
 
2013-04-22 10:44:39 PM
When I was 17, was arrested for being drunk... in... pub-lic. One DWI, which was a bogus charge because they were stopping everybody that was drivin' down that particular sidewalk... and that's profilin'... and profilin' is wrong.
 
2013-04-22 10:44:41 PM
This headline has given PN a chance to teach us all a valuable lesson in trolling. Headline success. Perhaps all along it was some sort of nega-troll to troll PN to teaching the original subby his ways? The world may never know.
 
2013-04-22 10:45:50 PM
Can we really call her the WORST female drive?  She was still technically on a roadway
 
2013-04-22 10:46:10 PM

scottydoesntknow: That's pretty farked up though. Why would cyclists need separate lights?


Left-turning cars and non-turning bikes get separate green light time.

It looks like a clusterfark - too many different signals and lanes.

We'll see.Bike season is just getting underway. I would be happy to be wrong about it.
 
2013-04-22 10:47:31 PM
data.motor-talk.de
The driver was just trying to get to the Country Kitchen Buffet.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-04-22 10:47:54 PM

A Shambling Mound: Grave_Girl: max_pooper: doglover: lordargent: The driver was not cited.

The fark?!

No laws were broken.

I'm pretty sure operating a motor vehicle on a designated bike path is illegal in most states.

Plus I'm fairly certain they could have nailed her for distracted driving.

Yeah I'm not really sure how she escaped with no citation here. You get tickets for driving in a painted bike lane in my town.

And that is so totally not the world's worst female driver. This one is worse, at least.


LOL...
"Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there".

/with a cancellation notice
//and a remedial driving course requirement
//and a new policy in the assigned risk pool of the state
 
2013-04-22 10:49:19 PM

Pocket Ninja: Subby, you had the beginnings of a good, multi-faceted troll here, but I'm afraid that, frankly, you blew it. Yes, you got the "biggest douchebags" reference in there for the bike riders, and that's going to cause a nice but somewhat predictable flare up between oblivious bike riders who think they own the road and waddling blubber cushions who couldn't ride half a mile if their life depended on it and are therefore jealous that they'll never be able to wear spandex without a very real risk of causing permanent blindness. But "worst female driver in the world"? Come on, is that supposed to enrage women or something? Being the "worst female driver" is only saying something about that one driver. It's not saying anything about female drivers in general. In fact, if you just take the words at their literal sense, it's actually not an insult at all. It takes the "worst female driver in the world" to do something like this? I guess all the rest of them must be pretty good drivers then, huh? At least good enough to not have this happen, anyway.

Now, let's look at this another way. What if she's not "the worst female driver in the world" but is rather a "typical female driver?" A fair representative, in other words, of all women drivers. Now  that would be saying something. And what if we just tweaked the overall tone of the headline, made it a question. People like headlines that are questions...it pulls them in, makes them want to click the link to see if the answer they've already shaped in their head fits the actual scenario. So, instead of "worst female driver in the world vs. the biggest douchebags in the world," maybe you'd have something like this:

What happens when a typical female driver meets the biggest douchebags on the road?"

or, for something even punchier and more direct:

Woman driver vs. douchebags. Who loses?

Lots of other possibilities, too. The main thing to remember is to not go overboard with the hyperbole. Lots of times, things are funnier when ...


tldr
wtf, write a longer reply on fark, brah
 
2013-04-22 10:49:19 PM
Worst female driver? Impossible. I'm certain my mother-in-law was no where near there when this happened.
 
2013-04-22 10:49:38 PM
Good luck, everybody.
i2.ytimg.com
 
2013-04-22 10:49:43 PM
Just returns for some of the crap bikers pull off in traffic. Although, still doesn't beat the random woman that just walked into the street 20 feet in front of me this morning pushing a cart full of little debbie snacks.

/she doesn't have a cart now
//i need a new bumper
 
2013-04-22 10:49:51 PM
Actually, I'd say that when they stick the bike lane is when cyclists are NOT being douchebags.

It's when they insist on being treated like regular road traffic but then break the rules of the road that they come off like douchebags.

Generally speaking, the way to tell if a person on a bike is an ass if by their clothing. Jeans & t-shirt? Normal bike commuter just trying not to get killed. Lycra or Spandex outfit? Douchebag.
 
2013-04-22 10:49:54 PM

jaytkay: We have a new experimental bike lane here in Chicago.

Two-way bike traffic on a one-way street.

With separate red & green traffic lights for bikes.

I think it's going to confuse the fark out of everybody - drivers, cyclists and pedestrians.

/ Cyclist

[lh3.googleusercontent.com image 480x638]


Considering most bike messengers, cabbies, and pedestrians don't give a flying fark about the traffic laws already in place, something tells me this will end poorly.

/Can't wait for this disaster to turn Ashland into a wasteland.
 
2013-04-22 10:51:43 PM
That bike lane is wider than most streets in Manhattan.
 
2013-04-22 10:51:53 PM

jaytkay: We have a new experimental bike lane here in Chicago.

Two-way bike traffic on a one-way street.

With separate red & green traffic lights for bikes.

I think it's going to confuse the fark out of everybody - drivers, cyclists and pedestrians.

/ Cyclist

[lh3.googleusercontent.com image 480x638]


Well I'll be dipped. That's news to me!
 
2013-04-22 10:52:22 PM

Pocket Ninja: Subby, you had the beginnings of a good, multi-faceted troll here


A++++++++++++++++++ would read again
 
2013-04-22 10:53:11 PM

scottydoesntknow: lordargent: The driver was not cited.

The fark?!

They never showed her or gave her name, I'm willing to bet she was old as hell. Retirees get away with a lot of shiat.


Surprised she didn't run over 37 people before getting so tightly wedged into the lane that she couldn't possibly run over any more.
 
2013-04-22 10:53:26 PM
"Racer Steve Baden came across the woman as he and a partner were crossing the bridge and called 911"

"Hello operator? There's a car in my bike lane and I can't get past it. Can you get the SWAT guys here?"
 
2013-04-22 10:54:42 PM
Nice spacesuit, Lance.

media.ktvb.com
 
2013-04-22 10:55:12 PM

ChiWhiteSox_56: jaytkay: We have a new experimental bike lane here in Chicago.

Two-way bike traffic on a one-way street.

With separate red & green traffic lights for bikes.

I think it's going to confuse the fark out of everybody - drivers, cyclists and pedestrians.

/ Cyclist

[lh3.googleusercontent.com image 480x638]

Well I'll be dipped. That's news to me!


They're doing it on Dearborn and on Franklin in the Loop for now.  Supposedly these lanes are going to expand into River North and the West Loop eventually.

Heaven help us when they start popping up on streets like Milwaukee, Ogden, and Elston.  I already want to open my door on 90% of the cyclists who use Milwaukee.
 
2013-04-22 10:55:17 PM
 
2013-04-22 10:55:45 PM
The posts are set way too high for either of those categories.
 
2013-04-22 10:58:42 PM
www.enemyplanet.com
 
2013-04-22 10:59:11 PM

berylman: I hate to do this but she was driving a Pontiac Parisiennet?
/surely not right


You're right, that is incorrect. It's a simple Chevy Malibu, only reinforcing how ancient the driver must have been.
 
2013-04-22 11:00:05 PM

Ow! That was my feelings!: Do not understand. Installing one of these won't work, why?
[farm3.staticflickr.com image 640x480]


Yellow duck heads on a post?
 
2013-04-22 11:00:15 PM
well done subby.

FTFA: He could not believe the driver was not cited

I'm right there with him.  Accidents happen but responsible people own up to their mistakes.
 
2013-04-22 11:01:43 PM
www.enemyplanet.com
 
2013-04-22 11:02:10 PM

LumberJack: berylman: I hate to do this but she was driving a Pontiac Parisiennet?
/surely not right

You're right, that is incorrect. It's a simple Chevy Malibu, only reinforcing how ancient the driver must have been.



Not just a Malibu, but a Malibu Classic, AKA a Malibu with last generations body style, specifically made for fleets that want the cheapest mid sized sedan possible.
 
2013-04-22 11:02:10 PM
"Worst female driver in the world"

That statement seems redundant.
 
2013-04-22 11:02:18 PM
I have driven past this a thousand times, you would have to really try hard to get on this path with a car.
 
2013-04-22 11:03:48 PM

LumberJack: berylman: I hate to do this but she was driving a Pontiac Parisiennet?
/surely not right

You're right, that is incorrect. It's a simple Chevy Malibu, only reinforcing how ancient the driver must have been.


That's the Classic actually.  In 2005 and 2006 i think, they had a bunch of parts left over from the older Malibu body style and re-released them as the "classic".

/ Same car I drive.  Same color too.
// Mine's got a spoiler though.  That's right, deluxe edition.
 
2013-04-22 11:07:07 PM

remus: [www.enemyplanet.com image 750x600]


Why is a NASA photo of Jupiter labeled 'curb rash'?
 
2013-04-22 11:07:54 PM

BadReligion: LumberJack: berylman: I hate to do this but she was driving a Pontiac Parisiennet?
/surely not right

You're right, that is incorrect. It's a simple Chevy Malibu, only reinforcing how ancient the driver must have been.


Not just a Malibu, but a Malibu Classic, AKA a Malibu with last generations body style, specifically made for fleets that want the cheapest mid sized sedan possible.


True. They didn't want to ruin the perfect car so they kept making them for rental companies.
 
2013-04-22 11:08:02 PM
"Authorities decided the best thing to do was walk the car to the Oregon side. One northbound lane was closed for about an hour, but traffic was not significantly affected. Some bikers, however, had trouble getting around the car."

I'm going to spend the next 5 years mastering violin just so i can play the world's tiniest one for those bikers...
 
2013-04-22 11:08:15 PM

serial_crusher: well done subby.

FTFA: He could not believe the driver was not cited

I'm right there with him.  Accidents happen but responsible people own up to their mistakes.


How is not being cited not "owning up" to your mistake? Should they have begged the police for a ticket? Do you think there's a big chance (now that they've gotten away with inconveniencing themselves so massively) they're really fired up to go do it again?
 
2013-04-22 11:09:30 PM

serial_crusher: LumberJack: berylman: I hate to do this but she was driving a Pontiac Parisiennet?
/surely not right

You're right, that is incorrect. It's a simple Chevy Malibu, only reinforcing how ancient the driver must have been.

That's the Classic actually.  In 2005 and 2006 i think, they had a bunch of parts left over from the older Malibu body style and re-released them as the "classic".

/ Same car I drive.  Same color too.
// Mine's got a spoiler though.  That's right, deluxe edition.


Something something lipstick on a pig. Something something heap of shiat. :-)
 
2013-04-22 11:09:33 PM
I read the headline and immediately thought it was about Danica vs. the rest of the Nascar field.

QFT
 
2013-04-22 11:14:08 PM

jaytkay: remus: [www.enemyplanet.com image 750x600]

Why is a NASA photo of Jupiter labeled 'curb rash'?


That's Uranus.
 
2013-04-22 11:14:21 PM

jaytkay: remus: [www.enemyplanet.com image 750x600]

Why is a NASA photo of Jupiter labeled 'curb rash'?


That's no Moon..
 
2013-04-22 11:16:19 PM

Feral_and_Preposterous: serial_crusher: well done subby.

FTFA: He could not believe the driver was not cited

I'm right there with him.  Accidents happen but responsible people own up to their mistakes.

How is not being cited not "owning up" to your mistake? Should they have begged the police for a ticket? Do you think there's a big chance (now that they've gotten away with inconveniencing themselves so massively) they're really fired up to go do it again?


The next time she does this crap she's going to run somebody over.  I'd rather have her thinking twice as a result of that time the police gave her a ticket she rightfully deserved, than thinking once about the nice policeman who helped her out of her mistake.
 
2013-04-22 11:17:44 PM

scottydoesntknow: lordargent: The driver was not cited.

The fark?!

They never showed her or gave her name, I'm willing to bet she was old as hell. Retirees get away with a lot of shiat.


Sure do, thanks to don't give a damn LEOs. My Mom drove around smashed regularly with a car full of little old ladies and pull the 'I'm confused' bit blocks from the house she lived in for 51 years. it took her having seizures and being found passed out in car on someones lawn for a cop to tell her 'your driving days are over' at age 82.

Don't think old women can't party. Mom and her grandma crew would play cards and drink hard alcohol mixers from mid-morning till whenever like they were 21. They used to get shiatfaced at casinos hundreds of miles away and drive home blotto too. Farking senior citizens: not all of them are in their right minds.
 
2013-04-22 11:18:10 PM
Some bikers, however, had trouble getting around the car.

You mean they had to wait until it was safe to pass? The same thing they see as the biggest threat to their safety from cars?

/Biker and driver. I hate cyclists who pass on the right as you're trying to turn a corner, pull out into traffic without yielding or looking, squeeze up beside you on the right so you have to pass them all over again etc. etc. They want all the convenience of being a bike and none of the responsibility of being a vehicle.
 
2013-04-22 11:19:24 PM
That cyclist has bird legs.  Also, I can totally see my husband doing this.  Then again, he's Asian...so what else should I expect?
 
2013-04-22 11:21:33 PM

doglover: lordargent: The driver was not cited.

The fark?!

No laws were broken.


Right, no laws, like "This lane is for bicycles only."  Nope, none at all.  0/10.
 
2013-04-22 11:23:20 PM

Pocket Ninja: Subby, you had the beginnings of a good, multi-faceted troll here, but I'm afraid that, frankly, you blew it. Yes, you got the "biggest douchebags" reference in there for the bike riders, and that's going to cause a nice but somewhat predictable flare up between oblivious bike riders who think they own the road and waddling blubber cushions who couldn't ride half a mile if their life depended on it and are therefore jealous that they'll never be able to wear spandex without a very real risk of causing permanent blindness. But "worst female driver in the world"? Come on, is that supposed to enrage women or something? Being the "worst female driver" is only saying something about that one driver. It's not saying anything about female drivers in general. In fact, if you just take the words at their literal sense, it's actually not an insult at all. It takes the "worst female driver in the world" to do something like this? I guess all the rest of them must be pretty good drivers then, huh? At least good enough to not have this happen, anyway.

Now, let's look at this another way. What if she's not "the worst female driver in the world" but is rather a "typical female driver?" A fair representative, in other words, of all women drivers. Now  that would be saying something. And what if we just tweaked the overall tone of the headline, made it a question. People like headlines that are questions...it pulls them in, makes them want to click the link to see if the answer they've already shaped in their head fits the actual scenario. So, instead of "worst female driver in the world vs. the biggest douchebags in the world," maybe you'd have something like this:

What happens when a typical female driver meets the biggest douchebags on the road?"

or, for something even punchier and more direct:

Woman driver vs. douchebags. Who loses?

Lots of other possibilities, too. The main thing to remember is to not go overboard with the hyperbole. Lots of times, things are funnier when ...


that earned the coveted 'smart' AND 'funny' vote.  well done.
 
2013-04-22 11:23:58 PM

ZeroCorpse: Actually, I'd say that when they stick the bike lane is when cyclists are NOT being douchebags.

It's when they insist on being treated like regular road traffic but then break the rules of the road that they come off like douchebags.

Generally speaking, the way to tell if a person on a bike is an ass if by their clothing. Jeans & t-shirt? Normal bike commuter just trying not to get killed. Lycra or Spandex outfit? Douchebag.


Except bicycle messengers with dredlocks and cargo shorts.  I have nice, deep long, gouge on the flank of my car now from a bike messenger who blew through a 4-way stop as I was in the process of making a left turn through it.  There was traffic from each direction, and we were all signaling and taking turns according to law, and this asshole just plows through without stopping and then slams his bike lock into my car as holy retribution for the fact that he couldn't see my 4,000 vehicle that was already in the intersection.

The biatch of it is, I know the asshole, even though he didn't pause to check who was behind the wheel.  He was my favorite bike messenger.  I could have made one call to his boss and had him fired for road rage on the job... but he's the best I have access to.  Now I know how he gets everywhere so fast.
 
2013-04-22 11:26:16 PM

Outshined_One: ChiWhiteSox_56: jaytkay: We have a new experimental bike lane here in Chicago.

Two-way bike traffic on a one-way street.

With separate red & green traffic lights for bikes.

I think it's going to confuse the fark out of everybody - drivers, cyclists and pedestrians.

/ Cyclist

[lh3.googleusercontent.com image 480x638]

Well I'll be dipped. That's news to me!

They're doing it on Dearborn and on Franklin in the Loop for now.  Supposedly these lanes are going to expand into River North and the West Loop eventually.

Heaven help us when they start popping up on streets like Milwaukee, Ogden, and Elston.  I already want to open my door on 90% of the cyclists who use Milwaukee.


There's sounding fat, then there's sounding downright obese.
 
2013-04-22 11:30:57 PM

serial_crusher: Feral_and_Preposterous: serial_crusher: well done subby.

FTFA: He could not believe the driver was not cited

I'm right there with him.  Accidents happen but responsible people own up to their mistakes.

How is not being cited not "owning up" to your mistake? Should they have begged the police for a ticket? Do you think there's a big chance (now that they've gotten away with inconveniencing themselves so massively) they're really fired up to go do it again?

The next time she does this crap she's going to run somebody over.  I'd rather have her thinking twice as a result of that time the police gave her a ticket she rightfully deserved, than thinking once about the nice policeman who helped her out of her mistake.


LOL. Why don't you go find her and punch her in the twat? Surely that would make her even less likely to repeat the mistake in the future. Think of all the lives you'll save. You could be king of the drama queens.

I don't think a ticket will make her a better driver. If she's a normal human being the embarrassment will accomplish the same thing a ticket would. If she is senile or old or something, though, I do think that she should be tested to see if she should be driving at all.
 
2013-04-22 11:33:51 PM

Outshined_One: I already want to open my door on 90% of the cyclists who use Milwaukee


ExtremeFajita: There's sounding fat, then there's sounding downright obese.


Nah, During rush hour the cyclists may outnumber the cars on Milwaukee Avenue

Great when you're on a bike, a pain in the ass when you're driving.

It's the bee-line between downtown Chicago and one of the densest hipster havens in the US.

/ Bucktown resident
// Fixie rider
/// Not a hipster, too old
 
2013-04-22 11:36:58 PM

Feral_and_Preposterous: I don't think a ticket will make her a better driver. If she's a normal human being the embarrassment will accomplish the same thing a ticket would. If she is senile or old or something, though, I do think that she should be tested to see if she should be driving at all.


The senility is probably the best explanation, and I really do hope if that's the case that she gets her driving privileges revoked, ticket or not.  Lady apparently couldn't navigate her way around a light pole, so yeah mental faculties probably not fully intact.

The ticket would also go a little way towards recuperating the cost of sending that cop out to play navigator.
 
2013-04-22 11:40:39 PM
 
2013-04-22 11:44:57 PM
not cited, WTF?

/Pocket Ninja, forever green in my Fark threads
 
2013-04-22 11:46:02 PM

China White Tea: He could not believe the driver was not cited, and that this was not the first time a driver had entered the bikepath from the Washington side. Safety procedures need to be changed on that end of the bridge, he said.

So in the same breath, this guy acknowledged that there is a procedural problem that has been at least partially responsible for this on more than one occasion, and implied that she should be punished for her mistake, regardless?


I agree with this conclusion. I think the Portland cops are acknowledging the fact that there are no barricades and possibly poor signage where she entered.
 
2013-04-22 11:47:03 PM

Pocket Ninja: Subby, you had the beginnings of a good, multi-faceted troll here, but I'm afraid that, frankly, you blew it. Yes, you got the "biggest douchebags" reference in there for the bike riders, and that's going to cause a nice but somewhat predictable flare up between oblivious bike riders who think they own the road and waddling blubber cushions who couldn't ride half a mile if their life depended on it and are therefore jealous that they'll never be able to wear spandex without a very real risk of causing permanent blindness. But "worst female driver in the world"? Come on, is that supposed to enrage women or something? Being the "worst female driver" is only saying something about that one driver. It's not saying anything about female drivers in general. In fact, if you just take the words at their literal sense, it's actually not an insult at all. It takes the "worst female driver in the world" to do something like this? I guess all the rest of them must be pretty good drivers then, huh? At least good enough to not have this happen, anyway.

Now, let's look at this another way. What if she's not "the worst female driver in the world" but is rather a "typical female driver?" A fair representative, in other words, of all women drivers. Now  that would be saying something. And what if we just tweaked the overall tone of the headline, made it a question. People like headlines that are questions...it pulls them in, makes them want to click the link to see if the answer they've already shaped in their head fits the actual scenario. So, instead of "worst female driver in the world vs. the biggest douchebags in the world," maybe you'd have something like this:

What happens when a typical female driver meets the biggest douchebags on the road?"

or, for something even punchier and more direct:

Woman driver vs. douchebags. Who loses?

Lots of other possibilities, too. The main thing to remember is to not go overboard with the hyperbole. Lots of times, things are funnier when ...


Now this- "What happens when a typical female driver meets the biggest douchebags on the road?" is how it is done kiddies
 
2013-04-22 11:49:47 PM

AloysiusSnuffleupagus: doglover: lordargent: The driver was not cited.

The fark?!

No laws were broken.

Right, no laws, like "This lane is for bicycles only."  Nope, none at all.  0/10.


That's not a law
 
2013-04-22 11:57:31 PM

jaytkay: We have a new experimental bike lane here in Chicago.

Two-way bike traffic on a one-way street.

With separate red & green traffic lights for bikes.

I think it's going to confuse the fark out of everybody - drivers, cyclists and pedestrians.


You know that those bicycle outlines painted on the road are the crime scene markers from where the cab drivers nailed another one, right?

...Or maybe something like the kills on a warbird?

i.dailymail.co.uk
 
2013-04-22 11:59:37 PM

China White Tea: He could not believe the driver was not cited, and that this was not the first time a driver had entered the bikepath from the Washington side. Safety procedures need to be changed on that end of the bridge, he said.

So in the same breath, this guy acknowledged that there is a procedural problem that has been at least partially responsible for this on more than one occasion, and implied that she should be punished for her mistake, regardless?


That's how things are set up in the USA.
What he is expressing is the same structure as red light cameras.
Faulty design with enforcement.
That's how things are here. Any excuse to punish people.

Anyway Chicago cops drive on the lake front bike trail. Cars blocking the whole thing, people having to go around them.... I've even seen cars on suburban street-parallel bike paths. nothing new for bicyclists to see a car on a bike trail.
 
2013-04-23 12:03:21 AM

Bugerz: Just returns for some of the crap bikers pull off in traffic. Although, still doesn't beat the random woman that just walked into the street 20 feet in front of me this morning pushing a cart full of little debbie snacks.

/she doesn't have a cart now
//i need a new bumper


I can see the headline now: Ho's Ho-Hos Hosed
 
2013-04-23 12:08:09 AM
I'm going to take a guess that there isn't a post blocking access to the bike lane so that they could use already existing equipment to clean, plow or whatever, and what they had wouldn't fit past a post.  still seems a bit crazy though.
 
2013-04-23 12:08:57 AM

Lando Lincoln: Holy shiat, they have bike lanes on bridges out there?

Man. My area sucks for bike riders.


Let's be honest. You do live in Joliet.
 
2013-04-23 12:10:46 AM
Threads like these are the reason I clicked 'favorite' for Pocket Ninja.
 
2013-04-23 12:20:41 AM

eyebrows_mulligan: Threads like these are the reason I clicked 'favorite' for Pocket Ninja.


Anything for Pocket Ninja
 
2013-04-23 12:21:25 AM
I like how they put the entrance to the bike path right at the end of a cul-de-sac.
http://maps.google.com/?ll=45.604539,-122.555974&spn=0.000937,0.0009 27 &t=h&z=20
 
2013-04-23 12:24:50 AM
Here, I did the legwork for you bozos.

This appears to be the bridge in question. Even has street view for the bike path.

But even with all that help, I still can't figure out how a car gets on there. Maybe one of you will have better luck finding an entrance where a driver could get confused.
 
2013-04-23 12:28:18 AM
Pocket Ninja: Subby, you had the beginnings of a good, multi-faceted troll here, but I'm afraid that, frankly, you blew it. Yes, you got the "biggest douchebags" reference in there for the bike riders, and that's going to cause a nice but somewhat predictable flare up between oblivious bike riders who think they own the road and waddling blubber cushions who couldn't ride half a mile if their life depended on it and are therefore jealous that they'll never be able to wear spandex without a very real risk of causing permanent blindness. But "worst female driver in the world"? Come on, is that supposed to enrage women or something? Being the "worst female driver" is only saying something about that one driver. It's not saying anything about female drivers in general. In fact, if you just take the words at their literal sense, it's actually not an insult at all. It takes the "worst female driver in the world" to do something like this? I guess all the rest of them must be pretty good drivers then, huh? At least good enough to not have this happen, anyw.
Can we talk about how crappy "tv dinners" are?
Now, let's look at this another way. What if she's not "the worst female driver in the world" but is rather a "typical female driver?" A fair representative, in other words, of all women drivers. Now  that would be saying something. And what if we just tweaked the overall tone of the headline, made it a question. People like headlines that are questions...it pulls them in, makes them want to click the link to see if the answer they've already shaped in their head fits the actual scenario. So, instead of "worst female driver in the world vs. the biggest douchebags in the world," maybe you'd have something like this:

What happens when a typical female driver meets the biggest douchebags on the road?"

or, for something even punchier and more direct:

Woman driver vs. douchebags. Who loses?

Lots of other possibilities, too. The main thing to remember is to not go overboard with the hyperbole. Lots of times, things are funnier when ...
 
2013-04-23 12:30:36 AM
No,no,no!  Some glitch.  What I meant to say was, how about some jokes about "tv dinners" and how crappy we find them.
 
2013-04-23 12:30:45 AM

SpaceBison: I like how they put the entrance to the bike path right at the end of a cul-de-sac.
http://maps.google.com/?ll=45.604539,-122.555974&spn=0.000937,0.0009 27 &t=h&z=20


Wow, that is seriously screwed up.  It took me a little while to seven see where one started and the other ended.  At least paint some lines or something.
 
2013-04-23 12:40:09 AM

BadReligion: AKA a Malibu with last generations body style, specifically made for fleets that want the cheapest mid sized sedan possible.


Those things were great. I bought one used dirt cheap from some company. It was two years old at the time, but had only about 10,000 miles on it. I drove the crap out of that car. Chevy makes some good utility cars.
 
2013-04-23 01:06:13 AM

ThatGuyGreg: Not shown: the bike lane entrance.

/lazy assholes


I often ride that bridge.  I can assure you that it would take a massive amount of talent to end up there in a car.

/Another favorite for dumbass drivers around here is the light rail tunnel that goes under the zoo.
 
2013-04-23 01:10:44 AM
no one has said how she got on there in the local news.  I've been on that path and she had to be a special kind of stupid its really hard to get on to there from a regular road you have to be on a bike path for a ways
 
2013-04-23 01:17:28 AM

DemDave: But even with all that help, I still can't figure out how a car gets on there. Maybe one of you will have better luck finding an entrance where a driver could get confused.


This picture shows where she got on the path.  Unfortunately there is no streetview for the road, but there is for the bike path (the road is just a little minor dead end road).  So this image is from the bike path, looking out towards the road that she entered the bike path from.
 
2013-04-23 01:19:18 AM

Hollie Maea: DemDave: But even with all that help, I still can't figure out how a car gets on there. Maybe one of you will have better luck finding an entrance where a driver could get confused.

This picture shows where she got on the path.  Unfortunately there is no streetview for the road, but there is for the bike path (the road is just a little minor dead end road).  So this image is from the bike path, looking out towards the road that she entered the bike path from.


This time with the image resized so Fark's tender servers can handle it.

i33.tinypic.com
 
2013-04-23 01:20:32 AM

EmmaLou: Then again, he's Asian...so what else should I expect?


A small penis?
 
2013-04-23 01:22:01 AM
At some point she saw this and thought "This looks legit.  I'll bet this is how people get from Washington to Oregon"

i37.tinypic.com
 
2013-04-23 01:26:53 AM
This was the last decision she faced before she got stuck.  Apparently "forward" seemed the right thing to do.

i34.tinypic.com
 
2013-04-23 01:32:42 AM

Grave_Girl: max_pooper: doglover: lordargent: The driver was not cited.

The fark?!

No laws were broken.

I'm pretty sure operating a motor vehicle on a designated bike path is illegal in most states.

Plus I'm fairly certain they could have nailed her for distracted driving.


Drivers may do this a lot and she wasn't cited because of it.  It happens she was the one the reporter saw that day. Or the police may have felt that "All is Fair in Love and War." If some cyclists get a way with traffic violations that don't hurt anybody, why can't this car driver too? It sounds like the cyclists had no problem getting around her.
 
2013-04-23 01:33:20 AM

Hollie Maea: This was the last decision she faced before she got stuck.  Apparently "forward" seemed the right thing to do.


Give her a A+ for perseverance.
 
2013-04-23 01:37:00 AM
She had to drive on the little path for about a quarter of a mile or so before she even got to the bridge.  The images in the article show she almost made it to Government Island before she got stuck, so that's about a mile on the bridge.

At least she had a nice view:

i35.tinypic.com
 
2013-04-23 01:50:07 AM

China White Tea: He could not believe the driver was not cited, and that this was not the first time a driver had entered the bikepath from the Washington side. Safety procedures need to be changed on that end of the bridge, he said.

So in the same breath, this guy acknowledged that there is a procedural problem that has been at least partially responsible for this on more than one occasion, and implied that she should be punished for her mistake, regardless?


Like the headline says, "biggest douchebags in the world".
 
2013-04-23 02:05:51 AM
Hardly fair subby.  Danica is far from the worst driver.
 
2013-04-23 02:40:14 AM

Outshined_One: ChiWhiteSox_56: jaytkay: We have a new experimental bike lane here in Chicago.

Two-way bike traffic on a one-way street.

With separate red & green traffic lights for bikes.

I think it's going to confuse the fark out of everybody - drivers, cyclists and pedestrians.

/ Cyclist

[lh3.googleusercontent.com image 480x638]

Well I'll be dipped. That's news to me!

They're doing it on Dearborn and on Franklin in the Loop for now.  Supposedly these lanes are going to expand into River North and the West Loop eventually.

Heaven help us when they start popping up on streets like Milwaukee, Ogden, and Elston.  I already want to open my door on 90% of the cyclists who use Milwaukee.


We have that system in a few places around central London and it seems to work well, although sometimes cyclists heading towards each other end up jousting a bit. It is more confusing that sometimes you ride on the left of the bike lane and sometimes the right, which causes big problems turning at lights.

/on the train to London with my Dahon Curve D3 now, so getting a kick....
//no lycra
 
2013-04-23 02:52:09 AM

Pocket Ninja: Subby, you had the beginnings of a good, multi-faceted troll here, but I'm afraid that, frankly, you blew it. Yes, you got the "biggest douchebags" reference in there for the bike riders, and that's going to cause a nice but somewhat predictable flare up between bike riders who think own the road...


ftfy
 
2013-04-23 02:56:46 AM

darkjezter: That reminds me, I need to clean

TedDalton: Pocket Ninja: 

What happens when a typical female driver meets the biggest douchebags on the road?"


Well, since here in Humboldt County, they'll both be driving pickup trucks so not much. Why do you ask?
 
2013-04-23 03:00:24 AM

Fark Me To Tears: FTFA: Some bikers, however, had trouble getting around the car.

Ahhh... The irony...

/boo-f*cking-hoo


Right, because cyclists are notorious for parking their bicycles on the road way.

Apples and oranges dumbass.

WE ARE TRAFFIC. Deal with it asshole.
 
2013-04-23 03:17:14 AM

ZeroCorpse: Actually, I'd say that when they stick the bike lane is when cyclists are NOT being douchebags.

It's when they insist on being treated like regular road traffic but then break the rules of the road that they come off like douchebags.


I'm a cyclist who obeys traffic laws, and I laugh on the inside when I'm stopped at a red light and the motorist behind me waiting turn right looks sooo pissed off that I didn't run the red light so they could turn right on red.

/in a narrow lane
//in a wide lane I'll keep to the left side of the lane so they can make the turn
///nice cyclist wishing for nicer motorists
 
2013-04-23 03:17:37 AM

Pocket Ninja: Subby, you had the beginnings of a good, multi-faceted troll here, but I'm afraid that, frankly, you blew it. Yes, you got the "biggest douchebags" reference in there for the bike riders, and that's going to cause a nice but somewhat predictable flare up between oblivious bike riders who think they own the road and waddling blubber cushions who couldn't ride half a mile if their life depended on it and are therefore jealous that they'll never be able to wear spandex without a very real risk of causing permanent blindness. But "worst female driver in the world"? Come on, is that supposed to enrage women or something? Being the "worst female driver" is only saying something about that one driver. It's not saying anything about female drivers in general. In fact, if you just take the words at their literal sense, it's actually not an insult at all. It takes the "worst female driver in the world" to do something like this? I guess all the rest of them must be pretty good drivers then, huh? At least good enough to not have this happen, anyway.

Now, let's look at this another way. What if she's not "the worst female driver in the world" but is rather a "typical female driver?" A fair representative, in other words, of all women drivers. Now  that would be saying something. And what if we just tweaked the overall tone of the headline, made it a question. People like headlines that are questions...it pulls them in, makes them want to click the link to see if the answer they've already shaped in their head fits the actual scenario. So, instead of "worst female driver in the world vs. the biggest douchebags in the world," maybe you'd have something like this:

What happens when a typical female driver meets the biggest douchebags on the road?"

or, for something even punchier and more direct:

Woman driver vs. douchebags. Who loses?

Lots of other possibilities, too. The main thing to remember is to not go overboard with the hyperbole. Lots of times, things are funnier when ...


How about you just try submitting witty headlines yourself, that way you don't have to waste all that time critiquing others?
 
2013-04-23 04:21:58 AM

jaytkay: Two-way bike traffic on a one-way street.

With separate red & green traffic lights for bikes.


That's pretty horribly retarded. They obviously need a bigger committee to figure out what went wrong with the design that the first committee failed so hard at.

Pocket Ninja - Thanks for your presence. You are a ray of sunshine in my grey, miserable off day. :-))
 
2013-04-23 04:33:12 AM

justoneznot: How about you just try submitting witty headlines yourself, that way you don't have to waste all that time critiquing others


So, your 3rd evar greenlit headline got 'critiqued' by Pocket Ninja, and you biatch about it? Fookin Lookshury. In my day when our links got greenlit we got the piss taken right out of us by Jon iz teh kewl,and we liked it.
 
2013-04-23 04:43:05 AM
The reason why that bike lane on the Glen Jackson is big enough for a car is that the bridge was originally designed for a light rail line in the center. You'll see from the previous pictures in this thread that the inside shoulders are also quite wide.

/That should blow the minds of some Clark County residents.
 
2013-04-23 05:55:54 AM

justoneznot: How about you just try submitting witty headlines yourself, that way you don't have to waste all that time critiquing others?


Well, it is kind of a sport around here. Has been since before you joined the site, by the by.
 
2013-04-23 06:04:37 AM

serial_crusher: well done subby.

FTFA: He could not believe the driver was not cited

I'm right there with him.  Accidents happen but responsible people own up to their mistakes.


Maybe she did and that's why she wasn't cited.
 
2013-04-23 06:06:33 AM

libranoelrose: Hollie Maea: This was the last decision she faced before she got stuck.  Apparently "forward" seemed the right thing to do.

Give her a A+ for perseverance.


She HAS to be in her 90s and sweet as can be!
 
2013-04-23 06:46:26 AM
Looks like a WA license plate.
 
2013-04-23 07:03:31 AM
Oh gee. Is a car blocking your lane? Now you know how we feel, douchebags.
 
2013-04-23 07:45:34 AM
I thought John Fitzgerald Page lived in the upscale district of Buckhead in Atlanta, Georgia.
 
2013-04-23 07:53:05 AM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Nice spacesuit, Lance.

[media.ktvb.com image 600x800]


Nothing wrong with riding a bike. Playing dress up attention whore makes me wish she had plowed through a crowd of them at 60mph.
 
2013-04-23 07:55:23 AM
You know, when I saw subby's headline, which is clearly one of the worst ever, I thought to myself "gosh this thread is sure to suck as much as subby's headline".

But then along comes Pocket Ninja, who used the atrocity that is subby's headline as an opportunity for a teachable moment. Pocket Ninja, showing great patience in the face of what can only be described, and to put it kindly, as a disaster, managed to make something positive. He saw lemons and he made lemon aid. I guess it's true, everything does happen for a reason. Thanks Pocket Ninja.

And subby, use the shame you should be feeling right now to guide you to become a better person. And hopefully, at some point far in the future, maybe on your death bed as your life flashes before your eyes, you'll be able to forgive yourself for your anathema of a headline.

Peace out.
 
2013-04-23 07:57:28 AM
Sorry, subs.  The biggest douchebags in the world eschew the bike lanes so drivers can experience their awesomeness.
 
2013-04-23 08:03:46 AM

Rustybumperjack: I read the headline and immediately thought it was about Danica vs. the rest of the Nascar field.


This
 
2013-04-23 08:04:59 AM
One word: BOLLARDS!

WTF? Why is there not a bollard that would have crumpled that car's bumper at each entrance?
 
2013-04-23 08:08:37 AM
I'm disappointed that nobody has tried to blame this on a GPS device yet.
 
2013-04-23 08:43:30 AM

scottydoesntknow: jaytkay: We have a new experimental bike lane here in Chicago.

Two-way bike traffic on a one-way street.

With separate red & green traffic lights for bikes.

I think it's going to confuse the fark out of everybody - drivers, cyclists and pedestrians.

/ Cyclist

[lh3.googleusercontent.com image 480x638]

Well you can't make an omelette without cracking a few eggs...

That's pretty farked up though. Why would cyclists need separate lights?


To keep people from right turning into you.
 
2013-04-23 08:58:18 AM
Pocket Ninja: [excellent instructional material on proper trolling technique snipped for brevity] ...

That's true even when you're talking about the sort of simpletons who live in Idaho.

I see what you did there.
 
2013-04-23 10:52:11 AM

jaytkay: We have a new experimental bike lane here in Chicago.

Two-way bike traffic on a one-way street.

With separate red & green traffic lights for bikes.

I think it's going to confuse the fark out of everybody - drivers, cyclists and pedestrians.

/ Cyclist

[lh3.googleusercontent.com image 480x638]


We have a lane like that in Washington DC on 15th Street (near my house) and it works great.  Just give it a little time and people will figure it out.
 
2013-04-23 10:53:19 AM

TwowheelinTim: Fark Me To Tears: FTFA: Some bikers, however, had trouble getting around the car.

Ahhh... The irony...

/boo-f*cking-hoo

Right, because cyclists are notorious for parking their bicycles on the road way.

Apples and oranges dumbass.

WE ARE TRAFFIC. Deal with it asshole.


Or what, you'll beat me down? Key my car? Lie to cops I ran a red?
 
2013-04-23 12:43:48 PM
How are cyclists douchebags if they actually use the bike lane? They're usually riding right on the line separating car and bike lanes.
 
2013-04-23 03:00:24 PM
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-04-23 06:00:25 PM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Nice spacesuit, Lance.

[media.ktvb.com image 600x800]


lolwut?
go home car, you're drunk

/lived in Portland all my life, never once got the bike path over the glen jackson confused with the highway
 
2013-04-23 06:10:05 PM

TwowheelinTim: Fark Me To Tears: FTFA: Some bikers, however, had trouble getting around the car.

Ahhh... The irony...

/boo-f*cking-hoo

Right, because cyclists are notorious for parking their bicycles on the road way.

Apples and oranges dumbass.

WE ARE TRAFFIC. Deal with it assholes.


ftfy
 
2013-04-23 06:13:21 PM

A Shambling Mound: Grave_Girl: max_pooper: doglover: lordargent:
blah blah blah

And that is so totally not the world's worst female driver. This one is worse, at least.



I had forgotten about the 1:10 min mark!
 
2013-04-23 10:28:48 PM
How about a metal pole or two in the middle to let people know "douche territory ahead"
 
2013-04-23 11:05:00 PM

Hollie Maea: At some point she saw this and thought "This looks legit.  I'll bet this is how people get from Washington to Oregon"

[i37.tinypic.com image 460x486]



At that point, it is entirely possible she figured out that she was in the wrong area but there is obviously no-where for her to do a 3 point turn (or even a 17 point 4 min turn as demonstrated in a previous posters link). Even worse is the fact that a lot of cars have such a steep slant to them that the front hood points into the ground but the ass end sticks way up in the air..... making them almost impossible for Anyone to back up into a parallel parking spot - or in her case, around a 90 degree turn hidden by overhanging leaves. So, she kept going for lack of a better alternative, hoping it would end in a similar residential street.

Having said that, there is no damn way she should have gotten past that chain link fence gate. That is painfully obvious.
 
2013-04-23 11:22:05 PM
Nice try, subby, but you're forgetting that nobody cares to know how to drive properly in the Portland metro, whether by car or by bike, so a correct headline was "Portland woman guilty of driving while Portlander [obvious]"
 
2013-04-23 11:22:48 PM

Amos Quito: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 512x371]


Talk about doing it wrong...
 
2013-04-23 11:59:52 PM

Lando Lincoln: Holy shiat, they have bike lanes on bridges out there?

Man. My area sucks for bike riders.


The lanes on both cross-Columbia bridges are _super_ narrow.   I 5 crosses the Columbia as four roadways, and I've been on all four.  The worst is the northbound cycleway, only five feet wide.  The newer, southbound span has a 7 foot lane, slightly more breathing room but still kind whiteknuckle on the blind hill thanks to not knowing for sure if someone's coming at you or not.  Being Portland, equal odds regardless of which of the four roadways you take on whether or not someone's going to ignore several DO NOT ENTER, WRONG WAY and traffic signals for the drawbridge facing the wrong direction and traffic coming at them in the same lane, and drive straight at you.  I 205 crosses the Columbia as 3 roadways, and despite cyclists getting the center roadway and therefore generally having a passing zone (there's a blind crest and a few sharp turns that have a no-passing stripe down the middle), the lanes are both substandard in width (at 5 feet, less than the 6 foot minimum for bicycle lanes facing opposing traffic), and 4 at lampposts (narrower than the narrowest allowed lane width for a bike lane bordering another bike lane traveling the same direction).  Plus no shoulders, no pullouts, high winds and lots of noise from the other two roadways just over the rail.  Continuing northbound is no picnic:  You land on a residential surface street, take a bicycle-only onramp onto WA 14 eastbound, and follow signage uphill through a poorly designed interchange to get back onto I 205 north.  Southbound is a bit easier as you don't have a hard climb except for the uphill bicycle-only cloverleaf off of westbound WA 14, and much less cross traffic.  Given the scorching meth problem in the Portland area, you get a little additional challenge that ground-level signage tends to get stolen, so you might miss the bike-only ramps if you intend to use them until after you pass them (and thus have to go around to the next exit...).  And we've already covered the fact that Portland-area drivers are idiots, so combine that with a NO MOTORIZED VEHICLES sign that got recycled for meth money, I can see how this woman got confused...though the aforementioned narrow lanes on the bridge approach and the bridge itself should have been a giveaway.
 
2013-04-24 12:01:03 AM

berylman: I hate to do this but she was driving a Pontiac Parisiennet?
/surely not right


Looks like a late 90s Chevy Malibu.  I drive a 99 Malibu, so it was familiar.
 
2013-04-24 12:02:20 AM

lordargent: The driver was not cited.

The fark?!


Welcome to Portland, where the cops don't write traffic tickets and the traffic law doesn't matter.  That's right, it's like a steering wheel on a locomotive, it just doesn't matter.
 
2013-04-24 12:06:32 AM

doglover: lordargent: The driver was not cited.

The fark?!

No laws were broken.


Failure to obey a traffic control device (unless the tweakers recycled it for meth money again, there is a NO MOTORIZED VEHICLES sign at the start of that roadway), failure to drive on the right (albeit this would be impossible for a vehicle wider than the lanes), and operating a motor vehicle in a NMV lane.  Since the vehicle in question is wider than the lanes on that roadway, oversize load without a permit.  The NMV lane violation and failure to obey traffic control are the most likely to be cited and most likely to stick... the fact no citation written is just typical Portland.
 
2013-04-24 12:08:03 AM

MasterPython: Don't they usually put a post in the middle of the entrances to stop that?


They're typically stolen for meth money in that area.  It's not like they can put a permanent post in on most cycleways, maintenance of way vehicles still need to access it.
 
2013-04-24 12:10:41 AM

jaytkay: We have a new experimental bike lane here in Chicago.

Two-way bike traffic on a one-way street.

With separate red & green traffic lights for bikes.

I think it's going to confuse the fark out of everybody - drivers, cyclists and pedestrians.

/ Cyclist

[lh3.googleusercontent.com image 480x638]


That's a two-way street, but one direction only has a bicycle lane.  Somewhat common in Portland, particularly at intersections.  Strange that they're just floating a parking lane way out in the middle, though.  Hope cyclists turning across the parking lane have their own turn signal phase since you wouldn't be able to change to the right lane to turn with the bike lane being all the way left behind a parking lane like that.
 
2013-04-24 12:14:31 AM

scottydoesntknow: jaytkay: We have a new experimental bike lane here in Chicago.

Two-way bike traffic on a one-way street.

With separate red & green traffic lights for bikes.

I think it's going to confuse the fark out of everybody - drivers, cyclists and pedestrians.

/ Cyclist

[lh3.googleusercontent.com image 480x638]

Well you can't make an omelette without cracking a few eggs...

That's pretty farked up though. Why would cyclists need separate lights?


Cycletrack is behind a no-lane-change median and a parking strip, so it's legally, and largely physically, impossible to make a lane change to the right lane to turn right.  Left turns from the general access lanes would also need to be restricted to allow through traffic on the cycle lanes through.  If you've ever seen a bus track, same signalization rules and turn restrictions would need to be in play to give the track priority.
 
2013-04-24 12:16:53 AM

Fark Me To Tears: FTFA: Some bikers, however, had trouble getting around the car.

Ahhh... The irony...

/boo-f*cking-hoo


You'd have a point if basic mobility wasn't a fundamental freedom, and driving wasn't a revocable privilege that society subsidizes.  No, your gas tax and registration fees doesn't even cover the wear and tear to the roadways such a heavy vehicle causes.
 
2013-04-24 12:18:29 AM

EViLTeW: Pathetic of them not to show where she turned onto the bike path from.  I chased it down on google maps and it doesn't appear to be signed as bikes only, but it doesn't look like the kind of road you should be turning down, either.  It looks like a service road or bike path.


WSDOT has an ongoing battle there:

1. WSDOT installs the correct signage.
2. Tweakers steal the signs and recycle them for meth money.
3. Rinse, repeat ad nauseum.
 
2013-04-24 12:21:35 AM

Outshined_One: /Can't wait for this disaster to turn Ashland into a wasteland.


So we're ignoring that criminals tend to use getaway cars, not run to the nearest BRT station and wait?
 
2013-04-24 12:37:17 AM

Outshined_One: I already want to open my door on 90% of the cyclists who use Milwaukee.


You sure it's a smart idea to confess to assault?
 
2013-04-24 12:41:20 AM

serial_crusher: LumberJack: berylman: I hate to do this but she was driving a Pontiac Parisiennet?
/surely not right

You're right, that is incorrect. It's a simple Chevy Malibu, only reinforcing how ancient the driver must have been.

That's the Classic actually.  In 2005 and 2006 i think, they had a bunch of parts left over from the older Malibu body style and re-released them as the "classic".

/ Same car I drive.  Same color too.
// Mine's got a spoiler though.  That's right, deluxe edition.


I laugh when I see those, the damn thing's FWD...
 
2013-04-24 12:44:53 AM

LoneVVolf: "Authorities decided the best thing to do was walk the car to the Oregon side. One northbound lane was closed for about an hour, but traffic was not significantly affected. Some bikers, however, had trouble getting around the car."

I'm going to spend the next 5 years mastering violin just so i can play the world's tiniest one for those bikers...


Never mind that there'd be about 10% more cars on that bridge if it weren't for the NMV traffic.  I will give Portland some credit:  They're a little bit ahead of the curve for most of America when it comes to transportation options.  Which is good, because in Portland, this woman's driving is typical of the region, and you're a smaller, cheaper target on a bicycle than you are if you take out your big expensive car.  And with gas typically around $4 and high motorist volumes as it is, why put up with that?  The NMV lane is typically the only ones that move during daylight hours.
 
2013-04-24 12:45:48 AM

Feral_and_Preposterous: serial_crusher: well done subby.

FTFA: He could not believe the driver was not cited

I'm right there with him.  Accidents happen but responsible people own up to their mistakes.

How is not being cited not "owning up" to your mistake? Should they have begged the police for a ticket? Do you think there's a big chance (now that they've gotten away with inconveniencing themselves so massively) they're really fired up to go do it again?


Weapons grade stupidity needs to either be dropped by our soldiers on the enemy or be expensive.  This was neither.
 
2013-04-24 12:49:35 AM

Feral_and_Preposterous: If she is senile or old or something, though, I do think that she should be tested to see if she should be driving at all.


Oregon and Washington's excessively old population successfully got both states to remove the ability for people to request an individual be required to retest to keep their license.
 
2013-04-24 12:50:32 AM

jaytkay: It's the bee-line between downtown Chicago and one of the densest hipster havens in the US.


I thought that was the Amtrak Empire Builder:  Portland Union to Chicago Central.
 
2013-04-24 12:52:01 AM

morg: I think the Portland cops are acknowledging the fact that there are no barricades and possibly poor signage where she entered.


You're giving Portland cops too much credit.  Too busy polishing riot gear to even be arsed to go to the donut shop.
 
2013-04-24 12:57:07 AM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: AloysiusSnuffleupagus: doglover: lordargent: The driver was not cited.

The fark?!

No laws were broken.

Right, no laws, like "This lane is for bicycles only."  Nope, none at all.  0/10.

That's not a law


http://www.oregonlaws.org/ors/811.435
 
2013-04-24 01:01:45 AM

SpaceBison: I like how they put the entrance to the bike path right at the end of a cul-de-sac.
http://maps.google.com/?ll=45.604539,-122.555974&spn=0.000937,0.0009 27 &t=h&z=20


It's not.   The turning circle isn't at the end of the street, the street just gets too narrow to turn around past that.  For some reason, the region loves one-lane dead-ends with no turnouts or turn around.  I lived on one that had the bonus points of living on a half-mile long dead-end one-lane with no turnaround and no turnouts, with a blind hill in the middle.  If you happened to be entering the street and encountered someone trying to get out, you'd have to back all the way out of the block...
 
2013-04-24 01:03:37 AM

DemDave: Here, I did the legwork for you bozos.

This appears to be the bridge in question. Even has street view for the bike path.

But even with all that help, I still can't figure out how a car gets on there. Maybe one of you will have better luck finding an entrance where a driver could get confused.


North end.  South end has a turn too tight for most motorized vehicles overhanging a nice drop onto Airport Way.
 
2013-04-24 01:08:25 AM

Hollie Maea: ThatGuyGreg: Not shown: the bike lane entrance.

/lazy assholes

I often ride that bridge.  I can assure you that it would take a massive amount of talent to end up there in a car.

/Another favorite for dumbass drivers around here is the light rail tunnel that goes under the zoo.


Going through the skylight in the track tunnel just east of the subway station at Sunset Transit Center is a common one too.  First weekday the MAX was opened, some farker with a BAC of .27 did that and claimed they thought it was the way onto the Sunset.  Just goes to show that Portland is so hazardous to mental health that people are getting hammered over breakfast...
 
2013-04-24 01:10:32 AM

Hollie Maea: At some point she saw this and thought "This looks legit.  I'll bet this is how people get from Washington to Oregon"

[i37.tinypic.com image 460x486]


Jesus, WSDOT really let that segment go...seriously guys, repaint the fog lines and centerline, that segment's hard enough to see the pavement edge in the rain or dark without proactive neglect.
 
2013-04-24 01:12:56 AM

Hollie Maea: She had to drive on the little path for about a quarter of a mile or so before she even got to the bridge.  The images in the article show she almost made it to Government Island before she got stuck, so that's about a mile on the bridge.

At least she had a nice view:

[i35.tinypic.com image 639x379]


Nice photoshop work.  In real life, the bridge fades into a gray misty fog before the shoreline.
 
2013-04-24 01:17:30 AM

Apik0r0s: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Nice spacesuit, Lance.

[media.ktvb.com image 600x800]

Nothing wrong with riding a bike. Playing dress up attention whore makes me wish she had plowed through a crowd of them at 60mph.


I pointed this out to someone the other day.  "Nobody seems to bother me when I'm riding to work, but everyone, drivers and cyclists alike, have no patience with me on training rides.  I'm not doing anything different."  "You sure about that?" "Well, I wear my work clothes while I'm commuting."  "It's the lycra."  "Seriously?" "Yes, save the track clothes for the velodrome.  Consider it resistance training."
 
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