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(KTVB Boise)   Worst female driver in the world vs. biggest douchebags in the world   (ktvb.com) divider line 173
    More: Fail, bike lanes  
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23155 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Apr 2013 at 10:22 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-22 10:52:22 PM

Pocket Ninja: Subby, you had the beginnings of a good, multi-faceted troll here


A++++++++++++++++++ would read again
 
2013-04-22 10:53:11 PM

scottydoesntknow: lordargent: The driver was not cited.

The fark?!

They never showed her or gave her name, I'm willing to bet she was old as hell. Retirees get away with a lot of shiat.


Surprised she didn't run over 37 people before getting so tightly wedged into the lane that she couldn't possibly run over any more.
 
2013-04-22 10:53:26 PM
"Racer Steve Baden came across the woman as he and a partner were crossing the bridge and called 911"

"Hello operator? There's a car in my bike lane and I can't get past it. Can you get the SWAT guys here?"
 
2013-04-22 10:54:42 PM
Nice spacesuit, Lance.

media.ktvb.com
 
2013-04-22 10:55:12 PM

ChiWhiteSox_56: jaytkay: We have a new experimental bike lane here in Chicago.

Two-way bike traffic on a one-way street.

With separate red & green traffic lights for bikes.

I think it's going to confuse the fark out of everybody - drivers, cyclists and pedestrians.

/ Cyclist

[lh3.googleusercontent.com image 480x638]

Well I'll be dipped. That's news to me!


They're doing it on Dearborn and on Franklin in the Loop for now.  Supposedly these lanes are going to expand into River North and the West Loop eventually.

Heaven help us when they start popping up on streets like Milwaukee, Ogden, and Elston.  I already want to open my door on 90% of the cyclists who use Milwaukee.
 
2013-04-22 10:55:17 PM
 
2013-04-22 10:55:45 PM
The posts are set way too high for either of those categories.
 
2013-04-22 10:58:42 PM
www.enemyplanet.com
 
2013-04-22 10:59:11 PM

berylman: I hate to do this but she was driving a Pontiac Parisiennet?
/surely not right


You're right, that is incorrect. It's a simple Chevy Malibu, only reinforcing how ancient the driver must have been.
 
2013-04-22 11:00:05 PM

Ow! That was my feelings!: Do not understand. Installing one of these won't work, why?
[farm3.staticflickr.com image 640x480]


Yellow duck heads on a post?
 
2013-04-22 11:00:15 PM
well done subby.

FTFA: He could not believe the driver was not cited

I'm right there with him.  Accidents happen but responsible people own up to their mistakes.
 
2013-04-22 11:01:43 PM
www.enemyplanet.com
 
2013-04-22 11:02:10 PM

LumberJack: berylman: I hate to do this but she was driving a Pontiac Parisiennet?
/surely not right

You're right, that is incorrect. It's a simple Chevy Malibu, only reinforcing how ancient the driver must have been.



Not just a Malibu, but a Malibu Classic, AKA a Malibu with last generations body style, specifically made for fleets that want the cheapest mid sized sedan possible.
 
2013-04-22 11:02:10 PM
"Worst female driver in the world"

That statement seems redundant.
 
2013-04-22 11:02:18 PM
I have driven past this a thousand times, you would have to really try hard to get on this path with a car.
 
2013-04-22 11:03:48 PM

LumberJack: berylman: I hate to do this but she was driving a Pontiac Parisiennet?
/surely not right

You're right, that is incorrect. It's a simple Chevy Malibu, only reinforcing how ancient the driver must have been.


That's the Classic actually.  In 2005 and 2006 i think, they had a bunch of parts left over from the older Malibu body style and re-released them as the "classic".

/ Same car I drive.  Same color too.
// Mine's got a spoiler though.  That's right, deluxe edition.
 
2013-04-22 11:07:07 PM

remus: [www.enemyplanet.com image 750x600]


Why is a NASA photo of Jupiter labeled 'curb rash'?
 
2013-04-22 11:07:54 PM

BadReligion: LumberJack: berylman: I hate to do this but she was driving a Pontiac Parisiennet?
/surely not right

You're right, that is incorrect. It's a simple Chevy Malibu, only reinforcing how ancient the driver must have been.


Not just a Malibu, but a Malibu Classic, AKA a Malibu with last generations body style, specifically made for fleets that want the cheapest mid sized sedan possible.


True. They didn't want to ruin the perfect car so they kept making them for rental companies.
 
2013-04-22 11:08:02 PM
"Authorities decided the best thing to do was walk the car to the Oregon side. One northbound lane was closed for about an hour, but traffic was not significantly affected. Some bikers, however, had trouble getting around the car."

I'm going to spend the next 5 years mastering violin just so i can play the world's tiniest one for those bikers...
 
2013-04-22 11:08:15 PM

serial_crusher: well done subby.

FTFA: He could not believe the driver was not cited

I'm right there with him.  Accidents happen but responsible people own up to their mistakes.


How is not being cited not "owning up" to your mistake? Should they have begged the police for a ticket? Do you think there's a big chance (now that they've gotten away with inconveniencing themselves so massively) they're really fired up to go do it again?
 
2013-04-22 11:09:30 PM

serial_crusher: LumberJack: berylman: I hate to do this but she was driving a Pontiac Parisiennet?
/surely not right

You're right, that is incorrect. It's a simple Chevy Malibu, only reinforcing how ancient the driver must have been.

That's the Classic actually.  In 2005 and 2006 i think, they had a bunch of parts left over from the older Malibu body style and re-released them as the "classic".

/ Same car I drive.  Same color too.
// Mine's got a spoiler though.  That's right, deluxe edition.


Something something lipstick on a pig. Something something heap of shiat. :-)
 
2013-04-22 11:09:33 PM
I read the headline and immediately thought it was about Danica vs. the rest of the Nascar field.

QFT
 
2013-04-22 11:14:08 PM

jaytkay: remus: [www.enemyplanet.com image 750x600]

Why is a NASA photo of Jupiter labeled 'curb rash'?


That's Uranus.
 
2013-04-22 11:14:21 PM

jaytkay: remus: [www.enemyplanet.com image 750x600]

Why is a NASA photo of Jupiter labeled 'curb rash'?


That's no Moon..
 
2013-04-22 11:16:19 PM

Feral_and_Preposterous: serial_crusher: well done subby.

FTFA: He could not believe the driver was not cited

I'm right there with him.  Accidents happen but responsible people own up to their mistakes.

How is not being cited not "owning up" to your mistake? Should they have begged the police for a ticket? Do you think there's a big chance (now that they've gotten away with inconveniencing themselves so massively) they're really fired up to go do it again?


The next time she does this crap she's going to run somebody over.  I'd rather have her thinking twice as a result of that time the police gave her a ticket she rightfully deserved, than thinking once about the nice policeman who helped her out of her mistake.
 
2013-04-22 11:17:44 PM

scottydoesntknow: lordargent: The driver was not cited.

The fark?!

They never showed her or gave her name, I'm willing to bet she was old as hell. Retirees get away with a lot of shiat.


Sure do, thanks to don't give a damn LEOs. My Mom drove around smashed regularly with a car full of little old ladies and pull the 'I'm confused' bit blocks from the house she lived in for 51 years. it took her having seizures and being found passed out in car on someones lawn for a cop to tell her 'your driving days are over' at age 82.

Don't think old women can't party. Mom and her grandma crew would play cards and drink hard alcohol mixers from mid-morning till whenever like they were 21. They used to get shiatfaced at casinos hundreds of miles away and drive home blotto too. Farking senior citizens: not all of them are in their right minds.
 
2013-04-22 11:18:10 PM
Some bikers, however, had trouble getting around the car.

You mean they had to wait until it was safe to pass? The same thing they see as the biggest threat to their safety from cars?

/Biker and driver. I hate cyclists who pass on the right as you're trying to turn a corner, pull out into traffic without yielding or looking, squeeze up beside you on the right so you have to pass them all over again etc. etc. They want all the convenience of being a bike and none of the responsibility of being a vehicle.
 
2013-04-22 11:19:24 PM
That cyclist has bird legs.  Also, I can totally see my husband doing this.  Then again, he's Asian...so what else should I expect?
 
2013-04-22 11:21:33 PM

doglover: lordargent: The driver was not cited.

The fark?!

No laws were broken.


Right, no laws, like "This lane is for bicycles only."  Nope, none at all.  0/10.
 
2013-04-22 11:23:20 PM

Pocket Ninja: Subby, you had the beginnings of a good, multi-faceted troll here, but I'm afraid that, frankly, you blew it. Yes, you got the "biggest douchebags" reference in there for the bike riders, and that's going to cause a nice but somewhat predictable flare up between oblivious bike riders who think they own the road and waddling blubber cushions who couldn't ride half a mile if their life depended on it and are therefore jealous that they'll never be able to wear spandex without a very real risk of causing permanent blindness. But "worst female driver in the world"? Come on, is that supposed to enrage women or something? Being the "worst female driver" is only saying something about that one driver. It's not saying anything about female drivers in general. In fact, if you just take the words at their literal sense, it's actually not an insult at all. It takes the "worst female driver in the world" to do something like this? I guess all the rest of them must be pretty good drivers then, huh? At least good enough to not have this happen, anyway.

Now, let's look at this another way. What if she's not "the worst female driver in the world" but is rather a "typical female driver?" A fair representative, in other words, of all women drivers. Now  that would be saying something. And what if we just tweaked the overall tone of the headline, made it a question. People like headlines that are questions...it pulls them in, makes them want to click the link to see if the answer they've already shaped in their head fits the actual scenario. So, instead of "worst female driver in the world vs. the biggest douchebags in the world," maybe you'd have something like this:

What happens when a typical female driver meets the biggest douchebags on the road?"

or, for something even punchier and more direct:

Woman driver vs. douchebags. Who loses?

Lots of other possibilities, too. The main thing to remember is to not go overboard with the hyperbole. Lots of times, things are funnier when ...


that earned the coveted 'smart' AND 'funny' vote.  well done.
 
2013-04-22 11:23:58 PM

ZeroCorpse: Actually, I'd say that when they stick the bike lane is when cyclists are NOT being douchebags.

It's when they insist on being treated like regular road traffic but then break the rules of the road that they come off like douchebags.

Generally speaking, the way to tell if a person on a bike is an ass if by their clothing. Jeans & t-shirt? Normal bike commuter just trying not to get killed. Lycra or Spandex outfit? Douchebag.


Except bicycle messengers with dredlocks and cargo shorts.  I have nice, deep long, gouge on the flank of my car now from a bike messenger who blew through a 4-way stop as I was in the process of making a left turn through it.  There was traffic from each direction, and we were all signaling and taking turns according to law, and this asshole just plows through without stopping and then slams his bike lock into my car as holy retribution for the fact that he couldn't see my 4,000 vehicle that was already in the intersection.

The biatch of it is, I know the asshole, even though he didn't pause to check who was behind the wheel.  He was my favorite bike messenger.  I could have made one call to his boss and had him fired for road rage on the job... but he's the best I have access to.  Now I know how he gets everywhere so fast.
 
2013-04-22 11:26:16 PM

Outshined_One: ChiWhiteSox_56: jaytkay: We have a new experimental bike lane here in Chicago.

Two-way bike traffic on a one-way street.

With separate red & green traffic lights for bikes.

I think it's going to confuse the fark out of everybody - drivers, cyclists and pedestrians.

/ Cyclist

[lh3.googleusercontent.com image 480x638]

Well I'll be dipped. That's news to me!

They're doing it on Dearborn and on Franklin in the Loop for now.  Supposedly these lanes are going to expand into River North and the West Loop eventually.

Heaven help us when they start popping up on streets like Milwaukee, Ogden, and Elston.  I already want to open my door on 90% of the cyclists who use Milwaukee.


There's sounding fat, then there's sounding downright obese.
 
2013-04-22 11:30:57 PM

serial_crusher: Feral_and_Preposterous: serial_crusher: well done subby.

FTFA: He could not believe the driver was not cited

I'm right there with him.  Accidents happen but responsible people own up to their mistakes.

How is not being cited not "owning up" to your mistake? Should they have begged the police for a ticket? Do you think there's a big chance (now that they've gotten away with inconveniencing themselves so massively) they're really fired up to go do it again?

The next time she does this crap she's going to run somebody over.  I'd rather have her thinking twice as a result of that time the police gave her a ticket she rightfully deserved, than thinking once about the nice policeman who helped her out of her mistake.


LOL. Why don't you go find her and punch her in the twat? Surely that would make her even less likely to repeat the mistake in the future. Think of all the lives you'll save. You could be king of the drama queens.

I don't think a ticket will make her a better driver. If she's a normal human being the embarrassment will accomplish the same thing a ticket would. If she is senile or old or something, though, I do think that she should be tested to see if she should be driving at all.
 
2013-04-22 11:33:51 PM

Outshined_One: I already want to open my door on 90% of the cyclists who use Milwaukee


ExtremeFajita: There's sounding fat, then there's sounding downright obese.


Nah, During rush hour the cyclists may outnumber the cars on Milwaukee Avenue

Great when you're on a bike, a pain in the ass when you're driving.

It's the bee-line between downtown Chicago and one of the densest hipster havens in the US.

/ Bucktown resident
// Fixie rider
/// Not a hipster, too old
 
2013-04-22 11:36:58 PM

Feral_and_Preposterous: I don't think a ticket will make her a better driver. If she's a normal human being the embarrassment will accomplish the same thing a ticket would. If she is senile or old or something, though, I do think that she should be tested to see if she should be driving at all.


The senility is probably the best explanation, and I really do hope if that's the case that she gets her driving privileges revoked, ticket or not.  Lady apparently couldn't navigate her way around a light pole, so yeah mental faculties probably not fully intact.

The ticket would also go a little way towards recuperating the cost of sending that cop out to play navigator.
 
2013-04-22 11:40:39 PM
 
2013-04-22 11:44:57 PM
not cited, WTF?

/Pocket Ninja, forever green in my Fark threads
 
2013-04-22 11:46:02 PM

China White Tea: He could not believe the driver was not cited, and that this was not the first time a driver had entered the bikepath from the Washington side. Safety procedures need to be changed on that end of the bridge, he said.

So in the same breath, this guy acknowledged that there is a procedural problem that has been at least partially responsible for this on more than one occasion, and implied that she should be punished for her mistake, regardless?


I agree with this conclusion. I think the Portland cops are acknowledging the fact that there are no barricades and possibly poor signage where she entered.
 
2013-04-22 11:47:03 PM

Pocket Ninja: Subby, you had the beginnings of a good, multi-faceted troll here, but I'm afraid that, frankly, you blew it. Yes, you got the "biggest douchebags" reference in there for the bike riders, and that's going to cause a nice but somewhat predictable flare up between oblivious bike riders who think they own the road and waddling blubber cushions who couldn't ride half a mile if their life depended on it and are therefore jealous that they'll never be able to wear spandex without a very real risk of causing permanent blindness. But "worst female driver in the world"? Come on, is that supposed to enrage women or something? Being the "worst female driver" is only saying something about that one driver. It's not saying anything about female drivers in general. In fact, if you just take the words at their literal sense, it's actually not an insult at all. It takes the "worst female driver in the world" to do something like this? I guess all the rest of them must be pretty good drivers then, huh? At least good enough to not have this happen, anyway.

Now, let's look at this another way. What if she's not "the worst female driver in the world" but is rather a "typical female driver?" A fair representative, in other words, of all women drivers. Now  that would be saying something. And what if we just tweaked the overall tone of the headline, made it a question. People like headlines that are questions...it pulls them in, makes them want to click the link to see if the answer they've already shaped in their head fits the actual scenario. So, instead of "worst female driver in the world vs. the biggest douchebags in the world," maybe you'd have something like this:

What happens when a typical female driver meets the biggest douchebags on the road?"

or, for something even punchier and more direct:

Woman driver vs. douchebags. Who loses?

Lots of other possibilities, too. The main thing to remember is to not go overboard with the hyperbole. Lots of times, things are funnier when ...


Now this- "What happens when a typical female driver meets the biggest douchebags on the road?" is how it is done kiddies
 
2013-04-22 11:49:47 PM

AloysiusSnuffleupagus: doglover: lordargent: The driver was not cited.

The fark?!

No laws were broken.

Right, no laws, like "This lane is for bicycles only."  Nope, none at all.  0/10.


That's not a law
 
2013-04-22 11:57:31 PM

jaytkay: We have a new experimental bike lane here in Chicago.

Two-way bike traffic on a one-way street.

With separate red & green traffic lights for bikes.

I think it's going to confuse the fark out of everybody - drivers, cyclists and pedestrians.


You know that those bicycle outlines painted on the road are the crime scene markers from where the cab drivers nailed another one, right?

...Or maybe something like the kills on a warbird?

i.dailymail.co.uk
 
2013-04-22 11:59:37 PM

China White Tea: He could not believe the driver was not cited, and that this was not the first time a driver had entered the bikepath from the Washington side. Safety procedures need to be changed on that end of the bridge, he said.

So in the same breath, this guy acknowledged that there is a procedural problem that has been at least partially responsible for this on more than one occasion, and implied that she should be punished for her mistake, regardless?


That's how things are set up in the USA.
What he is expressing is the same structure as red light cameras.
Faulty design with enforcement.
That's how things are here. Any excuse to punish people.

Anyway Chicago cops drive on the lake front bike trail. Cars blocking the whole thing, people having to go around them.... I've even seen cars on suburban street-parallel bike paths. nothing new for bicyclists to see a car on a bike trail.
 
2013-04-23 12:03:21 AM

Bugerz: Just returns for some of the crap bikers pull off in traffic. Although, still doesn't beat the random woman that just walked into the street 20 feet in front of me this morning pushing a cart full of little debbie snacks.

/she doesn't have a cart now
//i need a new bumper


I can see the headline now: Ho's Ho-Hos Hosed
 
2013-04-23 12:08:09 AM
I'm going to take a guess that there isn't a post blocking access to the bike lane so that they could use already existing equipment to clean, plow or whatever, and what they had wouldn't fit past a post.  still seems a bit crazy though.
 
2013-04-23 12:08:57 AM

Lando Lincoln: Holy shiat, they have bike lanes on bridges out there?

Man. My area sucks for bike riders.


Let's be honest. You do live in Joliet.
 
2013-04-23 12:10:46 AM
Threads like these are the reason I clicked 'favorite' for Pocket Ninja.
 
2013-04-23 12:20:41 AM

eyebrows_mulligan: Threads like these are the reason I clicked 'favorite' for Pocket Ninja.


Anything for Pocket Ninja
 
2013-04-23 12:21:25 AM
I like how they put the entrance to the bike path right at the end of a cul-de-sac.
http://maps.google.com/?ll=45.604539,-122.555974&spn=0.000937,0.0009 27 &t=h&z=20
 
2013-04-23 12:24:50 AM
Here, I did the legwork for you bozos.

This appears to be the bridge in question. Even has street view for the bike path.

But even with all that help, I still can't figure out how a car gets on there. Maybe one of you will have better luck finding an entrance where a driver could get confused.
 
2013-04-23 12:28:18 AM
Pocket Ninja: Subby, you had the beginnings of a good, multi-faceted troll here, but I'm afraid that, frankly, you blew it. Yes, you got the "biggest douchebags" reference in there for the bike riders, and that's going to cause a nice but somewhat predictable flare up between oblivious bike riders who think they own the road and waddling blubber cushions who couldn't ride half a mile if their life depended on it and are therefore jealous that they'll never be able to wear spandex without a very real risk of causing permanent blindness. But "worst female driver in the world"? Come on, is that supposed to enrage women or something? Being the "worst female driver" is only saying something about that one driver. It's not saying anything about female drivers in general. In fact, if you just take the words at their literal sense, it's actually not an insult at all. It takes the "worst female driver in the world" to do something like this? I guess all the rest of them must be pretty good drivers then, huh? At least good enough to not have this happen, anyw.
Can we talk about how crappy "tv dinners" are?
Now, let's look at this another way. What if she's not "the worst female driver in the world" but is rather a "typical female driver?" A fair representative, in other words, of all women drivers. Now  that would be saying something. And what if we just tweaked the overall tone of the headline, made it a question. People like headlines that are questions...it pulls them in, makes them want to click the link to see if the answer they've already shaped in their head fits the actual scenario. So, instead of "worst female driver in the world vs. the biggest douchebags in the world," maybe you'd have something like this:

What happens when a typical female driver meets the biggest douchebags on the road?"

or, for something even punchier and more direct:

Woman driver vs. douchebags. Who loses?

Lots of other possibilities, too. The main thing to remember is to not go overboard with the hyperbole. Lots of times, things are funnier when ...
 
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