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(Jezebel)   What men want from a relationship is not a place to recharge, nor feel secure, nor where we can be ourselves but a growth experience where the man listens to a woman's every thought and worry and figures out what her facial expression means   (jezebel.com) divider line 167
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12386 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Apr 2013 at 7:16 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-22 12:53:20 AM
19 votes:

teto85: 25.media.tumblr.com


You're reading what passes as "feminist critique" among the more modern and less intellectually interested "feminists".

Unlike the feminist of yore, which might have actually had many fine and insightful points to make about how society tends to emphasize and favor the "masculine" over the "feminine" (no, really, guy here, and a lot of feminism is interesting philosophically!), this author, like many of her ilk, have been reduced to complaining about men complaining.

Which, really, is about the opposite of feminism. Hey, lady, how about you stop obsessing over what men say and do, and forge your own place in the world? Yeah, didn't think so, that would be too hard, wouldn't it?

And she's really trying to be funny, but managing to come off as even less funny and more pissy than most conservative "comedians".

Sad.

/and that's what you're reading!
2013-04-22 06:28:20 AM
13 votes:
That article was a colossal clusterfark of stupid. Plus, it wasn't funny.

How about we just call a truce in the whole battle of the sexes thing? Yeah, I'm sure at various times each sex has had it worse, and the other has gotten off easier (heh), but in the context of relationships, it's not relevant. Genuine relationships boil down to the interactions and choices between two individuals, not their allegiance to a specific gender. This whole attempt to generalize both sides and shoehorn them into fitting into some specific narrative simply abrogates the responsibilities and consequences that arise from people's own actions and decisions. Or whatever.
2013-04-22 07:59:05 AM
8 votes:
Brilliant piece.

Reading through the bullshiat I'm almost sure Tracy Moore has never had a long-term relationship or a job with more than 30 hours work per week. So let's counter her personal experience with my personal experience. My wife and I are both working in the same field - law - she as a prosecutor and me as a corporate whore M&A lawyer with work weeks between 50 and 80 hours and when we get home both of us just want relatively undemanding company to 'recharge our batteries'. Doing stuff together, outside of weekends or holidays, consists of going running, maybe watching a movie and the other, usual activities.
It may be different with different levels of employment with one partner alone at home for 30 hours or more each week but I guess that doesn't mesh with the 'Jezebel' target audience - which I assume consists mostly of single, frustrated feminists working retail or other fixed-hours-jobs.

Might just be my disdain for priviledged people crying about imagined inequality in general talking but maybe if Tracy has a problem with her 'man' being tired at home, she should also get a job so he doesn't have to support her AND listen to her biatch all day long. This is not a jab at stay-at-home moms, because I respect those.
2013-04-22 07:42:56 AM
7 votes:
I get the feeling she was orbiting around a point, (or orbiting around a cluster of points in one of those mind-bending n-body trajectory problems that has to be solved numerically,) but never actually getting around to mentioning what that point was. The article that she's critiquing sounds like it may have had some flaws: It's a generalization of one man's desires to all men, it's vague on specifics, and it describes "a man's" ideal support structure in terms of what a woman can do for him, the natural give-and-take of a relationship notwithstanding.

If done better, this might have been a good platform to discuss how every relationship is different and so is what the members want out of said relationship. It might have been a place to discuss mutual needs and how to place one person's needs equally to the other's, or to prioritize when one person really needs it. It might have been a legitimate forum from which to criticize the original author's view of gender roles, or to question whether or not he cares about the person providing his "safe place to recharge."

Instead, the only conclusion I heard was that if a man feels like a wound-up predator when he comes home and doesn't want to immediately engage emotionally without winding down first, he's stupid and you should date his brother. That's not really feminist critique, that's just inarticulate.

/ I don't hate feminism, but I do tend to hate internet arguments about it.
// Fark, on the other hand, loves any argument that drives clicks
2013-04-22 07:24:48 AM
7 votes:
I just don`t want home, the place where I try to get away from all the crap in the world, to just be another world of crap.

If that is sexist then women are crazy.
2013-04-22 09:39:53 AM
6 votes:
To our Dear Author...

lh5.googleusercontent.com

Men and women aren't mysteries. They aren't colossally different. Just folks. Whole and entire. You're in a relationship, you take the time to learn their moods and their rhythms. That's it. No "secrets" just learn who they are, and hopefully, if you're lucky, you like the folks they are. If not, then you exit, Stage Left. This crap only drives one thing: magazine sales and page views to give folks some "secret knowledge" that is the equivalent of the "make ANY woman WILD" in the back of men's magazines, or pop up ads for softcore sites.

There aren't secrets. There aren't shortcuts. Be honest, be open, be yourself, and maybe, just maybe, you'll find someone who likes you for who you are, and is willing to put up with you when you're tired and cranky and feel like warmed over fish nuggets, all soggy and sodden. And maybe you'll find someone who inspires you to make them feel better when they are the same damn way. No secret. No hidden knowledge. Just time and a little effort, and paying the f*ck attention. All tripe like this does is fuel insecurities and drama and obfuscation in relationships that if held to only keeps folks from really talking. Which, I suppose keeps idiots thinking that they're the problem, and have to be "fixed" when the only thing that really needs "fixing" is to stop buying into the gloss and veneer, and paying attention to the person they're with, and deciding if they really like that person, and if they're willing to do for them. Folks need to spend less time listening to all the secrets, and instead listen to their partner and their own damn selves.
2013-04-22 07:37:09 AM
6 votes:

darkjezter: Dafuq did I just read?


Just nod your head, say "Yes, Honey" and "Uh-huh" at appropriate times while just mostly tuning it out, because life is too short to listen to that shiat all the time, and life is too short to say "life is to short to listen to that shiat all the time".  So just act like you care that some random person didn't say exactly the right at the right time to your wife, constituting a World-shattering snub of *EPIC* proportions that is the worst thing *EVAR*, until of course the next minor thing that straight men would totally ignore happens and supersedes it in importance.
2013-04-22 07:24:32 AM
6 votes:
We have an "Unlikely" tag for a reason, people...
2013-04-22 09:17:34 AM
5 votes:
For the women who complain that men don't listen to them or care about their internal feelings ... Please don't be surprised. Many of the traits that you want from men - the traits that get them laid - are the traits that require detachment and callousness. Get your fourteen year old daughters to cherish being sensitive, patient and caring. Get them to invest their dating and romantic lives and their first sexual encounters to the squeamish, uncertain, uncomfortable boy with zits and glasses in preference to the early-peaking captain of the football team who wins status by dominating others uncaringly.

Most men ape - and then become - thesebecause they see that it's a route to the main form of success that even beta males aspire to - sex. Once a supply of sex is secure, men - especially young men - can grow immensely. Without it- without the approval and support of one lover - growth is tremendously difficult, and basically is composed of lurching from pretended behavior to pretended behavior.

As a young man, this is part of the reason that "just be yourself" was vexing. "just myself" clearly wasn't getting laid or accepted. Why the hell would I want to be that loser? Hey, you know what works? Calling girls biatches and beating up those weaker than myself!
2013-04-22 08:46:49 AM
5 votes:
My wife in unemployed right now. When I wake up and go to work, she's there. When I go home for lunch, she's there. When I get home from work, she's there. On the weekends, she's there.

If the first thing I am greeted with almost every day after being at work is a rant about what 'that biatch at the laundromat said/did/didn't do/didn't say' Then yes I do want her to shut the hell up and no I don't give a shiat about her feelings. I just spent 10 hours doing things that I don't want to do so we can afford our lifestyle. I  want some sort of acknowledgement for the things I do. Not every day just sometimes. I tell her I appreciate the clean apartment and having my laundry done why doesn't the same apply to me? If it were a serious discussion about something important I would listen attentively but it's almost never anything that makes a difference.

At that moment in time the way I perceive the situation is that I'm expecting something and she isn't delivering it and instead she is creating drama about childish bullshiat and wasting my time. That is when I go play video games for an hour and ignore her. I don't do that because I'm an asshole I do that because I have feelings as well and she stomped all over mine. Before anybody asks, yes I have explained this and yes she understood and yes we have gotten over the issue.  Not many relationships have open dialog about that sort of thing though so I can completely see this sort of thing playing out for a long time and ultimately killing a relationship.
2013-04-22 08:16:01 AM
5 votes:
Advice to young men: The most spoiled and privileged women in the world are also the most whiney and entitled. Before you settle down, visit some other countries and meet a few whose factory default isn't "alimony bomb looking for a place to go off".
2013-04-22 08:04:06 AM
5 votes:
Not really sure what this article is about...don't women also want to be able to come home and relax?

I'm ~30 and have found that it is pretty simple, at least in romantic relationships, to get along with men and not feel used. If you date someone who expects you to clean and cook and do his laundry, and give him blowjobs as soon as he walks in the door, assuming you don't want to do any of that, you can stop dating him or you can talk to him about it. If you talk to him and you don't like the outcome, then you stop dating him.

No one will pay me to write an article about that though...
2013-04-22 11:51:04 AM
4 votes:

Job Creator: I short-circuited many a biatch session by my ex-wife this way. She'd whine about how work is treating her bad, and I'd say "so, quit." That wasn't an acceptable solution apparently, because it didn't entail letting her run at the mouth for 45 minutes about the <foreign born> co-worker that didn't do their job exactly how she would have.


Those conversations are awkward and often end badly

Her: X bad thing happened
Me: That sucks
Her: And it's going to keep happening because of Y factor at work and Z person is just loving it and is probably evil
Me: <racks brains to think of sensible solution>
Her: It's really getting me down and it's horrible
Me: <thinking really hard, because I genuinely care>
Her: And these three other things make it worse
Me: Here is a perfectly rational solution to all of this. You need to do A, B and C. Or quit
Her: I suppose... but... here is the same rant with different words
Me: ??

And we come away with the woman thinking the man doesn't listen well (he just says things to try and make me shut up!), the man confused as to why he's in the doghouse (I was listening! If I didn't care I wouldn't have suggested a solution!) and the next time something comes up either she won't talk to him (which starts the resentment building up) or he'll just nod and not actually listen (because if she really wanted me to listen she'd want my advice, as it is I may as well be the cat).
2013-04-22 11:33:02 AM
4 votes:
Ladies, we want so very few things it's laughable.

1. Peace for 30min after we get home from work
2. Time to hang out with our friends (you know those guys we had bbq's with, played golf with, etc) Don't try and ban us from a particular friend. We don't tell you not to hang out with that man hating alchy from work.
3. NOT to hear about every single thing that biatch at the office did to you while you passive agressivly hate back on them.
4. I love you and tell you. SAY IT TO ME AT A RANDOM TIME.
5. We don't want to hear about how we left an undershirt in the bathroom, or how a sock got left on the bed etc. If it bothers you move it if it doesn't then I'll get to it when I can.
6. If you come to us with a problem we will offer solutions or fixes for it. Don't come to us looking for sympathy and understanding.
2013-04-22 10:34:13 AM
4 votes:

quickdraw: mike_d85: Um... Where's the real article? It sounds spot on.

/shut up for 5 minutes when I walk in the door please

If you don't want someone who talks get a dog.


Whoa. Did you just say that? Are you serious??? Five minutes is too much for you to wait??? You are the weakest link. I feel sorry for the pussy-whipped delta man that ends up with you
2013-04-22 08:30:57 AM
4 votes:
I'm an introvert who spends all day teaching kids. When I come home, I need some quiet time in order to recover from the massive amounts of energy being constantly socially engaged costs me. I don't necessarily want to spend an hour after work discussing how my day working with kids went and how my girlfriend's day working with kids went. I don't see why this makes me a bad person as the author seems to believe.
2013-04-22 08:25:00 AM
4 votes:
Jezebel appears to be engaged in a project to absolutely end all relationships between men and women.
2013-04-22 07:27:02 AM
4 votes:
Certainly, a relationship is a place where you can articulate your needs, and afford your partner the opportunity to twist that which you clearly stated into her own twenty-step multi-hole vision of what she can best offer you.
2013-04-22 02:10:13 AM
4 votes:
Jezebel is my favorite comedy site. They're good.
2013-04-22 01:26:13 PM
3 votes:
On a less aggro note, here's how I deal with the end-of-the-day situation unless I am actually in genuine hysterics or something, which really doesn't happen very often.

Given that:

1. I know we're both tired and cranky and just want to relax.
2. I know we both probably have something we want to talk about.
3. I know I will probably talk more than he will.
4. I know he'll have a hard time listening while he's stewing about his own stuff.
5. I know I'm pretty good at taking a deep breath and setting things aside for a while.

I ask him to put on some music, because I know he's proud of his record collection and will choose something we both enjoy. I get us both something to drink, because I don't mind doing it and he needs time to choose a record. I settle down on the couch with him and get comfy.

I ask him how his day was, and I actually listen and respond appropriately. This gives me time to cool down while I focus on something other than what's got me pissed off, so I won't just go off like a madwoman. I give him a hug if he needs one. I tell him how awesome he is if he did something he's proud of. Everybody likes compliments, and I actually do think he's awesome, so that works out pretty well.

When he's done talking, he asks about my day, and I tell him. He actually listens, and responds appropriately. He gives me a hug if I need one. He tells me how awesome I am, whether I was awesome that day or not, because he's always showering me with compliments -- actually I kind of wish he'd do a little less of it, but I'm hardly going to complain about getting too many compliments.

Once we've had some snuggle time and gotten the day out of our systems, we talk about what we want to do for the evening.

Yes, I know this sounds very Ward and June Cleaver, which is pretty hilarious, really, considering I'm one of the least girly-girls you'll ever meet. And no, I don't do it that way because I feel like I have to, or because I think men should come first, or for any of the reasons you're thinking.  I do it because I have thought about what we both want at the end of the day, and I have applied common sense to determine the most efficient way for both of us to get what we want.

Sometimes the "traditional" way things are done is traditional for a good reason. Then again, we're all different. YMMV. You'll have to figure out for yourself what works for you.
2013-04-22 12:09:05 PM
3 votes:
Warning: The following post contains sweeping generalizations.


The difference between men and women in relationships is how they view the courtship process. When a man and woman start dating, it is on the man to prove his worth to the woman. This includes showing her a good time and flexing his influence a bit. Even though the man paying for everything is old fashioned in the 21st century, it's still important to prove his worth as a provider. More importantly then just shelling out cash, he needs to provide novel experiences. What is a woman more likely to brag about to her friends: "My date took me to the Capitol Grill (stuffy, dated steakhouse) and the bill was several hundred dollars," OR "My date took me to this hot new place that no one can get a table at and we went through the kitchen like Goodfellas"? Women crave novel experiences and brushes with exclusivity.


As the relationship becomes established, a man begins to feel that he has moved past the interview phase and is no longer responsible for entertaining his woman 24 hours a day. This is where the conflict comes from. The author of this article is clearly frustrated because her man (poor bastard) wants to come home and only be responsible for amusing himself. She feels that it is his responsibility to provide her entertainment. She tries to flip it and make it appear as though she is expected to pleasure him and make him a sandwich because this allows her righteous indignation. But in reality, the smart money says this guy just wants half an hour to himself to crack a beer and watch ESPN.


Every single man I know has at least one hobby or interest: Golf, playing basketball with his friends, fishing, RPGs, woodworking, homebrewing, motorcycle riding, collecting obscure European pornography, whatever. Far fewer women I know have hobbies. The ones that do, tend to be older. I blame Cosmo and Sex and the City. That entire lifestyle is to consume and have novel experiences and it's influenced a whole generation of young women who have no idea how to amuse themselves without a man, or at least a pack of other women to talk about men with.
2013-04-22 11:12:57 AM
3 votes:
The quoted author and the blogger are both raving idiots.

Who the hell doesn't want a "safe place to recharge and relax"?  That isn't exclusive to men or women.  But who the hell is dumb enough to think that all they have to do in a relationship is just sit around doing nothing and not putting in some effort?
2013-04-22 10:48:35 AM
3 votes:
I'm too lazy to read this thread and block all the morons who are too busy whining about "feminazis" to notice that almost all women and a goodly percentage of men are feminists these days and the vast majority of us are just quietly getting on with things. Can someone please summarize for me?

And, for the gentlemen:

Things I don't give a rat's ass about: sammiches,personholes, toilet seats, diamonds, who opens doors for whom, who makes more money, who pays for dinner, whether men can read my facial expressions, the psychological implications of pussy-shaving, construction workers shouting at me on the street, whether you're intimidated by my opinions, forthrightness, or intellect, and all the rest of that crap.

If you want to be a caveman, that's your business; I'm sure you'll eventually find a woman who digs cavemen, and that's her business. And she can still be a feminist while liking cavemen! Imagine that! Because what feminism is *actually* about is having the freedom to make whatever the fark choices for ourselves we want, even if that means we choose to make sammiches while barefoot and pregnant!

You know what I care about? Whether you treat women with the same respect you accord to men, and whether men and women have the same opportunities when it comes to our life choices (and that includes YOUR right to stay home with the kids and YOUR right to be in touch with your feelings and YOUR right to be into pegging if that's what floats your boat).

That's it. That's all. The rest of it is just distractions designed to keep people bickering over minutiae instead of actually spending a moment's rational thought on the subject of equality.

I cannot farking believe we're in the farking 21st century and we're still arguing about asinine crap like this. Get with the farking program.
2013-04-22 09:41:40 AM
3 votes:
Article was stupid, and I think the author missed the point.

Men do want what was described, but not at the expense of their SO.  That's extremely one-sided and means the relationship is probably in some kind of trouble.

I enjoy my relationship with my girlfriend, we get along well together.  Mostly I think it's because I actually listen to her and pay attention to what she wants and needs as much as she does for me.
2013-04-22 09:18:06 AM
3 votes:
Was there anything in the article about not texting us for hours on end?  My last girlfriend was a texter and it drove me nuts.
2013-04-22 09:16:30 AM
3 votes:
Jezebel Rebuttal Template: 1) Ask the most important question in any article that seeks to explain men: "What about *us*?"
2) Mock a man for trying to speak for men.
3) Speak for men.
2013-04-22 09:07:32 AM
3 votes:
For a serious response for what this man wants:

1. Have your own life. - I want to be with someone who has her own dreams and desires that she is excited about and is working to achieve.
2. Respect boundaries - It's not that you should never call me at work, but those calls should have a purpose and end once the purpose has been served. I also need to pursue my own interests. If it is something we can do together, great!
3. Trust me - I am not likely to be trying to ignore or insult you. Just calmly let me know how you feel and I will try to adjust.
4. Physical stuff - Yeah, I like sex. And, I want my partner to like sex as well. Besides that, an occasional non-sexual touch is great.

There is always the old "Don't ask me questions that I can't possibly answer" kind of items, but for me these are the big ones.
2013-04-22 08:59:06 AM
3 votes:

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Women and gay men tend to want more drama in their lives.  Straight men want less.


pffft whatever. I know plenty of very het guys that are freaking drama machines. The biggest gossips I know are straight guys as well. It's just when they do it they call it "having a beer."
2013-04-22 08:52:10 AM
3 votes:

WhippingBoy: The more I read Jezebel, the more I'm convinced that it's actually an MRA site used to discredit legitimate feminism by associating "feminism" with utter and complete drivel.

Either that, or it answers the question "What *can* you do with a degree in Gender Studies AND have a below-average intelligence"?


False-Flag Feminazis?
2013-04-22 08:46:52 AM
3 votes:
The more I read Jezebel, the more I'm convinced that it's actually an MRA site used to discredit legitimate feminism by associating "feminism" with utter and complete drivel.

Either that, or it answers the question "What *can* you do with a degree in Gender Studies AND have a below-average intelligence"?
2013-04-22 08:23:57 AM
3 votes:

Oblio13: Advice to young men: The most spoiled and privileged women in the world are also the most whiney and entitled. Before you settle down, visit some other countries and meet a few whose factory default isn't "alimony bomb looking for a place to go off".


You spelled, DON'T GET MARRIED wrong.
2013-04-22 08:20:01 AM
3 votes:
I am happy to deal with life's stresses together.

I am unhappy to deal with constantly manufactured stresses that could have been avoided with a tiny bit of thought, consideration, etc.
2013-04-22 08:12:31 AM
3 votes:
I don't really get what the fuss about the first article is. The guy was just saying that "guys want a relationship where they can be themselves and not stress out", which I'm pretty sure would hold if you changed the "guys" to "girls" or "women" or "transgender people". Sure, if you interpret it in the worst possible way you can get "guys want women to wait on them when they get home from bringing home the bacon", but you could also take it at face value, which is "guys want someone they don't have to put up a front to".

To be honest, the worst thing about the article being critiqued is that it is shallow and states something pretty meaningless. Some people LIKE challenging relationships... Some guys like caring for their SO and cooking dinner (I love to cook).

I'm pretty sure the author of the critique has lots and lots of issues. I also think the critique is basically politically motivated, as the original article was by a guy who is part of the "good men project". It would be nice if feminists and men who are looking to find the place of men in the modern world where 1950's values are gone could get together and try to understand all this, rather than trying to kill each other.

The 50's values are gone, and for women it has given them breathing room to do many things, but for men it has been difficult as the role of men and what it means to be masculine have been upended and nothing much has come in to take the place of it. Small things are occuring, men taking care of the house is starting to be more acceptable, women are less likely to demand that men "bring home the bacon" - but there is still a long way to go.
2013-04-22 07:56:25 AM
3 votes:

miss diminutive: That article was a colossal clusterfark of stupid. Plus, it wasn't funny.

How about we just call a truce in the whole battle of the sexes thing? Yeah, I'm sure at various times each sex has had it worse, and the other has gotten off easier (heh), but in the context of relationships, it's not relevant. Genuine relationships boil down to the interactions and choices between two individuals, not their allegiance to a specific gender. This whole attempt to generalize both sides and shoehorn them into fitting into some specific narrative simply abrogates the responsibilities and consequences that arise from people's own actions and decisions. Or whatever.


It's not a battle. It's teamwork. The shrink cited in the blog gets that. The blogger doesn't.
2013-04-22 07:53:05 AM
3 votes:

INeedAName: In December my wife has a chance to South Africa for 2 weeks. She asked me if I wanted to tag along. I'm leaning towards no.

It's not that I don't love her, or want her around... but holy farking hell, some mother farking peace and quiet?!

I used to think I wanted to feel needed. Im tired of being needed. Being needed wears me the fark out!


You should go.  I get your need for peace and quiet, but South Africa is really, really, really beautiful.  That would be one hell of a trip to miss out on.  Plus, if she is going for something work related, you would still get peace and quiet while she is going through the trip obligations.
2013-04-22 02:34:21 AM
3 votes:

Sid_6.7: teto85: 25.media.tumblr.com

You're reading what passes as "feminist critique" among the more modern and less intellectually interested "feminists".

Unlike the feminist of yore, which might have actually had many fine and insightful points to make about how society tends to emphasize and favor the "masculine" over the "feminine" (no, really, guy here, and a lot of feminism is interesting philosophically!), this author, like many of her ilk, have been reduced to complaining about men complaining.

Which, really, is about the opposite of feminism. Hey, lady, how about you stop obsessing over what men say and do, and forge your own place in the world? Yeah, didn't think so, that would be too hard, wouldn't it?

And she's really trying to be funny, but managing to come off as even less funny and more pissy than most conservative "comedians".

Sad.

/and that's what you're reading!


i426.photobucket.com

\when did feminism stop being about equality?
\\equality is what I still look to create and what my GF and I are all about.
2013-04-22 04:41:05 PM
2 votes:
It's weird that Jezebel gives advice about coping with men in relationships when the bulk of their readers don't get into relationships with men.

It's kind of like if a 1993 issue of Nintendo Power printed an article about the best way to get the most out of your Sega Genesis.
2013-04-22 02:33:02 PM
2 votes:
I love my husband more and more everyday.

Yesterday, I exercised my cooking, baking, cleaning and laundry muscles. Then I took a sewing class and made a pillow. He can put his feet on it when he puts them up on the coffee table. Tonight, we're going to a dance class (not my request, its an elective for his school). I pick up all of his socks and laundry and wash them to specifications. Never ruined any of his clothes. I don't talk to him about any problem that I don't actually want to solve. I "save the drama for my mama" as someone previously mentioned. She wants to talk about catty biatches in her church, I'll complain about the work ones I deal with... all is well. Best of all, despite being differently able in the morning - I'd rather never speak to anyone until about 9:30am, whereas he's a torrent of chatter in the morning - we can still carpool, because he is able to STFU in the morning and in return, I do not talk his ear off on the way home.

I didn't read the article, but I know that everything I am and everything I'll ever be is contrary to Jezzebel's purpose of demonizing men and dogging them hardcore. I have a great career going for myself and I know that the Feminists of Yore are the reason I've had the opportunity to accomplish as much as I have, because, like my mom before me, we've gone into male-dominated careers and succeeded without discrimination, but personally, I've never hated nor have I had any reason to talk shiat about my husband to anyone. On most Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I'll go with him to his soccer games and I'll yell myself hoarse at him and his teammates (all positive), I scheduled my next sewing classes around his soccer schedule. I like to support him and he likes that I do my own thing whenever. I try to be low key and I try to fit in with our friends (who are mostly single/somewhat attached guys and their girlfriends).

Mostly, I just cook/bake, take care of the dogs, clean, make him laugh and try to look presentable. My husband says its why he married a Minnesotan.
2013-04-22 02:01:40 PM
2 votes:

Worldwalker: Look at something more straightforward: your car is making a high-pitched whining noise in the engine compartment and it changes with engine speed. Is that noise the problem? No, it's a symptom of the real problem. If you were just focusing on the symptoms, you'd consider better soundproofing, which would work nicely until your alternator died.


Okay, but when I bring my car to the mechanic it doesn't take me 20 minutes to tell him the symptom of the problem.
2013-04-22 01:45:35 PM
2 votes:

Owangotang: I get told ALL the time I'm supposed to listen to nonsensical ranting without giving the slightest hint of offering a solution.


Actually, people (male or female) do want solutions to their problems. The only thing here is, you're offering a solution to the wrong problem.

The actual problem is not, in fact, that the person at work is a biatch. That might be the subject of the rant, but it's not the actual problem. The key is to figure out what the real problem is (which might be as simple as "I feel rejected") and solve that problem.

A few possible problems:
1. I feel rejected and lonely.
2. I am in a stressful situation at work that I can neither avoid nor ignore.
3. I think I am devalued in this relationship.
4. ...whatever is specific to the people in question

That's the problem you have to identify and solve. The ranting about the biatch at work is just a symptom. That's true with a lot of problems, actually.

Look at something more straightforward: your car is making a high-pitched whining noise in the engine compartment and it changes with engine speed. Is that noise the problem? No, it's a symptom of the real problem. If you were just focusing on the symptoms, you'd consider better soundproofing, which would work nicely until your alternator died.

Relationships are the same way. You need to figure out what the real problem is and fix that, not the symptoms of the problem. The problem might very well be that you're in a relationship with this person in the first place. If that's it, you're both going to be unhappy, and you're not going to be able to fix it; you both need to find someone who can meet all your needs, because the person you're with is not them. And you should have figured this out very early on.
2013-04-22 12:52:57 PM
2 votes:

namatad: gglibertine:

so
how many females do you know who fit his generalization?
how long do you put up with someone who fits his generalization?

or are you arguing that no one fits his generalization and he is just being a guy?


I don't hang around with anyone who acts like that, female or male. Off the top of my head, I can think of only one woman I know who exhibits those traits, and she is married to a guy I am no longer able to be friends with because she's a jealous psycho who can't get it through her head that if I wanted him, I'd have had him 25 years ago, the first time he made a pass at me. Also, I can't stand watching her snipe at him continuously. It reminds me of my parents, and anything that reminds me of my parents is to be avoided at all costs.

I can also think of a couple of men who are like that. Always playing mind games, trying to get you to guess what they want because they don't have the sack to just come out and say it, throwing out trick questions to see how you'll react because they're constantly looking for proof that there's something wrong with you, which only shows that they don't trust you, and why the hell would anyone want to be in a relationship with somebody who doesn't trust them? fark that noise.

You can spend your life looking for proof that "women are like this" or "men are like that", and you'll find plenty of it, because farking *people* are like that. Or you can let go of your preconceptions, sit back, observe individuals, and get to know who *they* are, and decide whether they're worth putting up with. Yes, you'll find patterns, because we live in societies and thus tend to be socialized in certain ways, for better or for worse -- but as soon as you make one into a label, you're right back where you started, waiting for everyone's inner ugliness to reveal itself, never able to simply enjoy someone for who they are.

And for god's sake, if someone pulls some kind of BS on you, CALL them on it, don't just whine to the internet about how "women are like this" or "men are like that". farking crybabies. TALK. COMMUNICATE. IT WON'T KILL YOU.

/why yes, I am exceptionally cranky today, why do you ask?
2013-04-22 11:52:39 AM
2 votes:
Current biggest pet peeve with regard to communication is that I hate getting answers to questions I haven't asked.

Me: What do you want for dinner?
Her: If you want to make that chicken we bought the other day I can find something else.
Me: Ok.  What do you want for dinner?
Her: It doesn't matter.  You can have the chicken.

Please, just answer the question I asked, not the question you think I am asking.
2013-04-22 11:38:07 AM
2 votes:

youmightberight: Ladies, we want so very few things it's laughable.

1. Peace for 30min after we get home from work
2. Time to hang out with our friends (you know those guys we had bbq's with, played golf with, etc) Don't try and ban us from a particular friend. We don't tell you not to hang out with that man hating alchy from work.
3. NOT to hear about every single thing that biatch at the office did to you while you passive agressivly hate back on them.
4. I love you and tell you. SAY IT TO ME AT A RANDOM TIME.
5. We don't want to hear about how we left an undershirt in the bathroom, or how a sock got left on the bed etc. If it bothers you move it if it doesn't then I'll get to it when I can.
6. If you come to us with a problem we will offer solutions or fixes for it. Don't come to us looking for sympathy and understanding.


I short-circuited many a biatch session by my ex-wife this way.  She'd whine about how work is treating her bad, and I'd say "so, quit."  That wasn't an acceptable solution apparently, because it didn't entail letting her run at the mouth for 45 minutes about the <foreign born> co-worker that didn't do their job exactly how she would have.
2013-04-22 11:27:25 AM
2 votes:

gglibertine: CeroX: What Men Want? It's different for each man, take the time and figure your man out, but use direct communication using language that means what you say, and not passive aggressive nonsense or cryptic terms with double meanings or deep philosophical undertones. Also, we don't want you being upset because the answer if less than 5 words. Our answers aren't passive aggressive nonsense or cryptic terms with double meanings or deep philosophical undertones.

Protip: if you go around making general statements about women that suggest that everything we say is "passive aggressive nonsense or cryptic terms with double meanings or deep philisophical undertones," you are going to come off looking like you don't like women very much.

/I actually like men, I do say what I mean, and I do take the trouble to figure a man out. However, I expect him to extend the same courtesy to me; dismissing women as "impossible to understand" is a cop-out. Of course, such men can always settle for that passive-aggressive nonsense, but it gets awfully boring listening to you complain about it.


so
how many females do you know who fit his generalization?
how long do you put up with someone who fits his generalization?

or are you arguing that no one fits his generalization and he is just being a guy?
2013-04-22 11:04:41 AM
2 votes:

gglibertine: Can someone please summarize for me?


What exactly are you wanting summarized?

The article? - Some lady getting all penis angry because a male psychologist dared give advice to women and poorly writing a diatribe about it what men REALLY want in her opinion.

This thread? Mostly people calling her diatribe utter BS. Not too much going on in the way of "feminazis" or what have you, there's been a few typical fark remarks...

What Men Want? It's different for each man, take the time and figure your man out, but use direct communication using language that means what you say, and not passive aggressive nonsense or cryptic terms with double meanings or deep philosophical undertones. Also, we don't want you being upset because the answer if less than 5 words. Our answers aren't passive aggressive nonsense or cryptic terms with double meanings or deep philosophical undertones.
2013-04-22 10:43:04 AM
2 votes:
You know what men REALLY love?  Being psychoanalyzed by women that don't understand men all the time.  And don't forget to get right on our asses as soon as we walk in a door so that you can go over everything you think we did wrong - we love that.

Seriously though - we're not women, so we probably only want to talk about our feelings SOME of the time (not most).  And we also probably don't like listening to generalization about men, that stereotype us into gender roles ... especially when you just got through saying how awful it is that men stereotype women into gender roles.

Regardless of gender, if you don't like someone for who they are, and you can only be happy if you can try to change them all the time, you're an asshole, and you deserve to be alone.
2013-04-22 10:00:34 AM
2 votes:
rules for women who give a shiat about their partner...

now that 99.9% of women have stopped reading all the men here can enjoy a good laugh imagining their partners care enough to follow these

The Rules
Don't talk about anything under the following circumstances - the only acceptable reason to break this rule is to tell us someone is messing with our car or toolshed - the only acceptable interaction under these circumstances is placing an open beer somewhere in our peripheral vision (so we don't knock it over), but without walking between us and whatever it is we are paying attention to
1. when we are watching a screen (tv, computer, phone, tablet)
2. when we are reading
3. when we are fixing things
4. when our eyes are closed

Don't talk about the following topics. They are uninteresting and it increases our stress level to pretend to give a shiat.
1. your friends (unless they are hot and/or slutty, in which case understand that the whole time you talk about them we are thinking about farking them)
2. your relatives (unless they are about to die and leave us money, then just include the relevant information we need to butter them up properly)
3. your job (unless someone is harassing you and needs a cockpunch)
4. other peoples children or pets (this is absolute NOTHING other people's children do that is worth us exercising a single brain cell to process the information)
2013-04-22 09:56:05 AM
2 votes:

AngryDragon: quickdraw: mike_d85: Um... Where's the real article? It sounds spot on.

/shut up for 5 minutes when I walk in the door please

If you don't want someone who talks get a dog.

Really?  5 minutes of being considerate to your partner is too much to ask?


That depends if it's the first five minutes you walk in the door, and you're exhausted, and for the last hour in the car all you've been looking forward to is a cup of tea and to relax into your favourite chair. (The other half doesn't even have to make the tea). It can be too much then, yes, if it's a stream of consciousness about people you don't know and how they're all horrible.
2013-04-22 09:31:41 AM
2 votes:
I love it when feminists try to explain what men want.  It is pure, golden, unintentional comedy.

It is also kind of sad that feminist went from "someone who wants equal rights for women" to "someone who things that men are inferior" inside the span of 1 generation.
2013-04-22 09:25:11 AM
2 votes:
Both the jezebel article and the thing it's quoting are nonsense, drivel of the worst kind.

I don't want consistency and routine, they're boring as all hell. Nor do I want a woman to pander to me. I want an equal to face life with and plan interesting stuff, not a slave or an adversary.
2013-04-22 09:11:01 AM
2 votes:
My girlfriend flat-out told me she does everything she can to please me because when I'm happy and satisfied I'll do anything she tells me to.

She doesn't understand why so many Western women don't get that.
kab
2013-04-22 08:58:14 AM
2 votes:
Oh, good.  Another gender-wide generalization article.

Article is bad, and subby should feel bad.
2013-04-22 08:55:00 AM
2 votes:
Women and gay men tend to want more drama in their lives.  Straight men want less.
2013-04-22 08:50:13 AM
2 votes:
What men don't want in a relationship?

Jezebel authors/commenters.
2013-04-22 08:41:04 AM
2 votes:
Damn do some people like to overthink relationships.

Do what it is important to your partner that you do. Tell them what it is important to you that they do. If this does not work, find somebody with whom it will.
2013-04-22 08:35:27 AM
2 votes:
So I made the mistake of looking in the comments.  Wow.  What a bunch of whacknoodles.  I see them all getting together for chocolatinis and biatching about how they can't find a good man but that dumb slut Jenny always get the good ones, but they just like her cuz she likes to fark and cook.
2013-04-22 08:25:36 AM
2 votes:
QFT:
What men want is a place where we can be ourselves, without putting on the facade that the world sometimes demands. We want a place where we don't have to be on our best behavior, where we don't have to walk on egg shells and where we don't have to pretend that we're something we're not.

We want a place where we can be accepted for who we are and for who we are not!


QF Stupid:
But unfortunately, you don't include any tips for women on how to be the most low-maintenance Betty on the block.

Don't women want the same thing as men? A place where they can be themselves without having to worry about hubby seeing them without face-spackle and perfect outfits? Also, in what way does men wanting to wind down translate into being subservient ... or whatever the hell the author is trying to say.

Plenty of derp in the comments as well.
2013-04-22 08:07:29 AM
2 votes:
"my car is screwing up again and the problem is in the charging system"

most guys would give a howto reply on car repairs and say what mechanic they like
most gals will give sympathy and comfort and remember you have that big job interview coming up, the wedding, and that the pos old bf said it was a good car.
2013-04-22 08:05:44 AM
2 votes:

foo monkey: miss diminutive: That article was a colossal clusterfark of stupid. Plus, it wasn't funny.

How about we just call a truce in the whole battle of the sexes thing? Yeah, I'm sure at various times each sex has had it worse, and the other has gotten off easier (heh), but in the context of relationships, it's not relevant. Genuine relationships boil down to the interactions and choices between two individuals, not their allegiance to a specific gender. This whole attempt to generalize both sides and shoehorn them into fitting into some specific narrative simply abrogates the responsibilities and consequences that arise from people's own actions and decisions. Or whatever.

It's not a battle. It's teamwork. The shrink cited in the blog gets that. The blogger doesn't.


This. Anyone who still sees the individual genders are inherently adversarial has obviously been either dating the wrong people or has unrealistic ideas about the dynamics of a healthy relationship.

Or she's just a biatch.
2013-04-22 07:53:13 AM
2 votes:

CeroX: Don't forget to follow up with  "Told you that biatch was crazy" when she starts going off about how that some female competition at her work is "trying to DESTROY" her...


Now to be fair, women do tend to go off on vendettas against other women. It's a sisterhood but they've all got a shiv hidden away for the ones that cross them.
2013-04-22 07:52:44 AM
2 votes:
Actually, replace "man" with "introvert" in those quotes, and the guy is spot-on.
2013-04-22 07:50:31 AM
2 votes:
In December my wife has a chance to South Africa for 2 weeks. She asked me if I wanted to tag along. I'm leaning towards no.

It's not that I don't love her, or want her around... but holy farking hell, some mother farking peace and quiet?!

I used to think I wanted to feel needed. Im tired of being needed. Being needed wears me the fark out!
2013-04-22 07:44:36 AM
2 votes:
TFA: A man is like an appliance. No. No, let's try that again. See. A man is like a rugged, fierce warrior. Or, maybe. Hmmm. A man is still like a child.

This tells you everything you need to know about how she really views men and how she expects her readers to view them: useful objects, objects of derision, children.
2013-04-22 07:42:33 AM
2 votes:
I no longer have it in me to read Jezebel articles. I- I just... can't.
2013-04-22 07:42:29 AM
2 votes:
I'm going to take it that this website will give any woman who has contempt for a penis to have their own web space dedicated to airing their penis contempt...
2013-04-22 07:34:18 AM
2 votes:
Ok... so in reality, this idiot has written a counter piece to a story that apparently claims men's needs are simple, that all they want is a warm fleshy teddy bear that they can f- whenever and doesn't complain when they f- other fleshy teddy bears when he feels like. And I believe she is trying to say men are more complicated than that... but then decides to inject her own thought on what men want, which is even dumber than the article she is pissed about...

Sounds like this "journalist" doesn't like a male telling her what she should think about what men want... or some shiat...

Here's some advice Tracy Moore > How's about you stop caring what "all men want" and worry about what YOU want... Which by her 20 steps, is apparently a Eunuch...
2013-04-22 07:33:11 AM
2 votes:
Um... Where's the real article? It sounds spot on.

/shut up for 5 minutes when I walk in the door please
2013-04-22 12:43:36 AM
2 votes:
25.media.tumblr.com
2013-04-23 06:25:08 PM
1 votes:

PsiChick: The article we're discussing basically says men can't handle serious interactions with their wives at home; I find that pathetically ridiculous.


Not to pile on, but - the article under discussion actually says "the recharger is your mouth."  Let's focus a little.

While I can find in the article a discussion of men wanting a home environment that doesn't trigger fight or flight responses; what I can't find is a discussion of how this "basically" precludes serious interactions with a caring, aware partner.
2013-04-23 08:30:50 AM
1 votes:

Frederick: The thought of dying alone effects people; but they dont realize it until they get much older.


If dying alone effected people, the person dying wouldn't be alone anymore...
2013-04-23 08:14:50 AM
1 votes:

Frederick: Being alone after a certain age tends to make people unhappy.


Being unmarried does not mean being alone.
2013-04-22 08:20:02 PM
1 votes:

PsiChick: A) Those calls are there because most adults are damn well aware that manchildren are entirely capable of acting like adults and  choosing not to--men are the ones who claim they are  not capable of making that choice.


You're right, I forgot that everything negative said about either gender is either due to a man enforcing patriarchy or a woman who has either internalized patriarchy or is speaking truth to power patriarchy.

PsiChick: B) That article was mocked because it's utter insanity. First, introverts do like to come home to peace and quiet. What exactly do you think an  extrovert wants to come home to? And second, what exactly is the  woman supposed to do when  she comes home? Or are these two people just in a relationship where they don't talk to each other? What the mocked article described wasn't a relationship, it was glorified bachelordom with a mother figure doing laundry.


The article that was being mocked rather than rebutted simply asserted that there are a few things that men commonly need. I don't believe it extended its premise to all men everywhere so you're just throwing out a red herring with the "what about teh extrovertz". Similarly, the article was about men, not women. Why do you insist that every discussion be about women and their needs?

Also, what is wrong with being a bachelor? I have a number of friends who are bachelors or have opted not to remarry following a divorce and they generally seem much happier than my married friends.
2013-04-22 07:45:53 PM
1 votes:

JesusJuice: I'm not saying that women who actually prefer other women don't exist, just that more commonly lesbianism has to do with being unable to attract a man, or sleeping with your college roommate because it's convenient/will piss off your parents.


Very few college age women are unable to attract a man. Those that claim they can't simply mean that they can't attract the sort of men that they want.
2013-04-22 05:56:12 PM
1 votes:

WhippingBoy: FrancoFile: ZeroCorpse: It's weird that Jezebel gives advice about coping with men in relationships when the bulk of their readers don't get into relationships with men.

It's kind of like if a 1993 issue of Nintendo Power printed an article about the best way to get the most out of your Sega Genesis.

Aha.  From now on, "Sega Genesis" is going to be code for "Lesbian"

Oh, Jezebel readers aren't lesbians. They just can't find a man willing to put up with their nonsense.


That's how lesbians are made.  Women who for whatever reason can't attract men eventually decide to re-define their failure as a "choice" and just pair off with other woman who also can't attract men.  It's a defense mechanism and also why lesbians tend to be so bitter.
2013-04-22 05:37:43 PM
1 votes:

Cato: namatad: dustygrimp: Current biggest pet peeve with regard to communication is that I hate getting answers to questions I haven't asked.

Me: What do you want for dinner?
Her: If you want to make that chicken we bought the other day I can find something else.
Me: Ok.  What do you want for dinner?
Her: It doesn't matter.  You can have the chicken.

Please, just answer the question I asked, not the question you think I am asking.

hahahaha
me: where do you want to go for dinner
her: I dont care, you pick
me: mexican it is
her 10 years later: oh my god you always made me go to that mexican place
me: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

After long years of this exact thing, I finally figured it out. First of all, she thinks you can read her mind and thus already knows what she wants. She also assumes she can read you mind and knows what you want. So, to her, when you ask her to pick you are actually asking her to chose what (she thinks) she knows that you want. Because if you REALLY wanted to go where she wanted you would just do it. By reflecting the choice back to you she is expecting you to chose her preference instead of your own. This is a sort of test: if you chose what she wants (without her ever actually telling you what that is) then you are a kind, sensitive, loving man. If you don't and actually take her words "you choose" to mean you are free to actually chose what you want then you are completely insensitive and don't care about her wants, needs, and feelings. The idea that you can't read her mind, asked her what she wanted in order to get the acual information, and generally took all the words said by both parties at face value will simply never occur to her. You're a dick that mistreats her is all she'll take away.


That's... insane. It's like trying to be in a relationship with a toddler.

Straight guys actually have to put up with this shiat?
2013-04-22 04:26:08 PM
1 votes:

AdrienVeidt: We'll, im convinced. Time to lop off my cock so I can be a better person. Who's with me, boys?


You don't have to go to body mutilation. You just have to stop seeing them as women and treat them as you would men. It does occasionally drive them insane when they are putting out I'm a poor widdle girl help me signals and you ignore them, but hey that is the breaks. You wanted to be my equal well you are welcome to the shiat sandwich I eat on a daily basis.
2013-04-22 03:47:48 PM
1 votes:

PsiChick: Ah, the classic error of attributing a higher cause, like the battle of the sexes, to a simple question of whether or not most of the thread is reading at a third-grade level.


Do you honestly believe that you're the only one who "got" what the Jezebel article's author was trying to do? Do you honestly believe that???
2013-04-22 03:02:03 PM
1 votes:

Monkeyhouse Zendo: TFA: A man is like an appliance. No. No, let's try that again. See. A man is like a rugged, fierce warrior. Or, maybe. Hmmm. A man is still like a child.

This tells you everything you need to know about how she really views men and how she expects her readers to view them: useful objects, objects of derision, children.


...This is Fark. You have a username, and presumably you know how to post. How the fark do you not know what 'sarcasm' is and that the writer is, in fact,  mocking the point of view they are pretending to emulate?
2013-04-22 02:49:21 PM
1 votes:

Wicked Chinchilla: INeedAName: In December my wife has a chance to South Africa for 2 weeks. She asked me if I wanted to tag along. I'm leaning towards no.

It's not that I don't love her, or want her around... but holy farking hell, some mother farking peace and quiet?!

I used to think I wanted to feel needed. Im tired of being needed. Being needed wears me the fark out!

You should go.  I get your need for peace and quiet, but South Africa is really, really, really beautiful.  That would be one hell of a trip to miss out on.  Plus, if she is going for something work related, you would still get peace and quiet while she is going through the trip obligations.


Listen to this advice.  If you don't go and participate in a trip of a lifetime for her (which I assume this may be), this will do unpleasant things to your relationship.  Get that peace and quiet another time. Take the trip because it is a hellavu trip AND because if she takes it by herself, she's going to take that personally.  A marriage is for sharing life experiences not just tax deductions.  This is a big one.
2013-04-22 02:34:45 PM
1 votes:
I've figured it out. Jezebel is the "Cosmo" for ugly women. The standard Cosmo "1001 Ways To Drive Your Man Crazy" articles hold no meaning to Jezebel readers because a) they're bitter and lonely and don't actually "have" a man OR b) their "boyfriends" don't actually like being touched by women, so they flock to Jezebel in order to validate their belief that  the reason they are bitter and lonely is solely because of the evil Menz.

Think about it. It makes perfect sense.
2013-04-22 02:17:32 PM
1 votes:

namatad: dustygrimp: Current biggest pet peeve with regard to communication is that I hate getting answers to questions I haven't asked.

Me: What do you want for dinner?
Her: If you want to make that chicken we bought the other day I can find something else.
Me: Ok.  What do you want for dinner?
Her: It doesn't matter.  You can have the chicken.

Please, just answer the question I asked, not the question you think I am asking.

hahahaha
me: where do you want to go for dinner
her: I dont care, you pick
me: mexican it is
her 10 years later: oh my god you always made me go to that mexican place
me: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU


After long years of this exact thing, I finally figured it out. First of all, she thinks you can read her mind and thus already knows what she wants. She also assumes she can read you mind and knows what you want. So, to her, when you ask her to pick you are actually asking her to chose what (she thinks) she knows that you want. Because if you REALLY wanted to go where she wanted you would just do it. By reflecting the choice back to you she is expecting you to chose her preference instead of your own. This is a sort of test: if you chose what she wants (without her ever actually telling you what that is) then you are a kind, sensitive, loving man. If you don't and actually take her words "you choose" to mean you are free to actually chose what you want then you are completely insensitive and don't care about her wants, needs, and feelings. The idea that you can't read her mind, asked her what she wanted in order to get the acual information, and generally took all the words said by both parties at face value will simply never occur to her. You're a dick that mistreats her is all she'll take away.
2013-04-22 02:14:39 PM
1 votes:

INeedAName: In December my wife has a chance to South Africa for 2 weeks. She asked me if I wanted to tag along. I'm leaning towards no.

It's not that I don't love her, or want her around... but holy farking hell, some mother farking peace and quiet?!

I used to think I wanted to feel needed. Im tired of being needed. Being needed wears, just this  me the fark out!


http://www.voanews.com/content/south-africa-leads-world-in-rape-case s/ 1580500.html

Well SA is known as the rape capital of the world, so if she ever needed you, it might be this trip....so please go.
2013-04-22 02:12:43 PM
1 votes:

Worldwalker: My point is, the 20 minutes of talking is the symptom. Too many people mistake it for the actual problem, but it's not; it's only a symptom of whatever the real problem is.


Is it so hard to be an adult and actually SAY what the problem is?  If I have a problem, I know what that is and I say it.  Each of the examples you gave in a previous post are issues that can be easily dealt with once they are on the table.  None of them require 20 minutes of utter nonsense from the one person who already KNOWS what the problem is and refuses to address it directly.
2013-04-22 02:06:15 PM
1 votes:

Yanks_RSJ: Worldwalker: Look at something more straightforward: your car is making a high-pitched whining noise in the engine compartment and it changes with engine speed. Is that noise the problem? No, it's a symptom of the real problem. If you were just focusing on the symptoms, you'd consider better soundproofing, which would work nicely until your alternator died.

Okay, but when I bring my car to the mechanic it doesn't take me 20 minutes to tell him the symptom of the problem.


My point is, the 20 minutes of talking is the symptom. Too many people mistake it for the actual problem, but it's not; it's only a symptom of whatever the real problem is.
2013-04-22 01:52:50 PM
1 votes:

miss diminutive: That article was a colossal clusterfark of stupid. Plus, it wasn't funny.

How about we just call a truce in the whole battle of the sexes thing?


If we did that, Jezebel, Cosmo, and the entire edifice of Crapology they support would crumble to the ground. We would have to deal with thousands of hostile, whinybiatchy soi-disant "feminists" and their many sycophantic followers, no longer able to satisfy themselves with their all-girl "man bad" jirque-du-cirque. Cities would go up in flames. Society would crumble, Humanity would go extinct.

Funny thing, though, that whole "safe space" bit is almost entirely what my wife wants in our relationship. We tend to mesh well, she and I, but she also has very little tolerance for whinybiatchy women (or men, for that matter). She has had so many people decide that she's no longer their BFF after she hears just enough of them complaining about their lives. She then commits the ultimate faux pas: "If all you're going to do about it is complain, don't complain to me." At that point, they don' wan' be her frien' no mo.

I love my wife. She's about the closes to a zero-bullshiat human being I've ever met.
2013-04-22 01:47:21 PM
1 votes:
Too many men are realizing all they need is a dog for companionship, a small apartment, and great porn/bar slut/hooker for anything else. Selling yourself for a woman isn't worth it anymore.
2013-04-22 01:35:38 PM
1 votes:
gglibertine:

I ask him how his day was, and I actually listen and respond appropriately. This gives me time to cool down while I focus on something other than what's got me pissed off, so I won't just go off like a madwoman. I give him a hug if he needs one. I tell him how awesome he is if he did something he's proud of. Everybody likes compliments, and I actually do think he's awesome, so that works out pretty well.

When he's done talking, he asks about my day, and I tell him. He actually listens, and responds appropriately. He gives me a hug if I need one. He tells me how awesome I am, whether I was awesome that day or not, because he's always showering me with compliments -- actually I kind of wish he'd do a little less of it, but I'm hardly going to complain about getting too many compliments.

Once we've had some snuggle time and gotten the day out of our systems, we talk about what we want to do for the evening.

Yes, I know this sounds very Ward and June Cleaver, which is pretty hilarious, really, considering I'm one of the least girly-girls you'll ever meet. And no, I don't do it that way because I feel like I have to, or because I think men should come first, or for any of ...


This is what most of the commentors on the article want, really.
They may want it in reverse order, which doesn't always work; but the acknowledgement that both people have stress, and both people in a relationship want to de-stress/unwind after any/each day is their main point against the original article by psychologist dude.
2013-04-22 01:24:48 PM
1 votes:

Owangotang: I get told ALL the time I'm supposed to listen to nonsensical ranting without giving the slightest hint of offering a solution.

fark that.


You know what that is from? And ladies don't take this as being a bad thing, as i consider this a "work-in-progress" situation of our current society...

It is both natural instinct for women to seek a solution to a problem from their man because [inset anthropological evidence here about gender roles for the last 100,000 years] and for a man to want to fix that solution [same evidence].

But feminism came along and taught women not to depend on men to take care of them (the message didn't include "unless you want them to"). So by offering a solution, as we are almost programmed to do, we are perpetuating that they need us to fix their problems. So this is part of a new conflict of interests as i observe it.

Now, this might come across like i'm speaking ill of feminism or women, and i'm not, this is just an observation... My contention would be that this situation is a work-in-process in which i think in order to move past this, women should stop auto-rejecting the man's solution out of contempt or habit, and understand that we offer this because we care and it's a natural instinct to solve your problems. Does that mean we need to to depend on us? no, it just means we are base and follow base instincts without some training. As i see it there are some ways to improve this situation.

1. Don't come to us with your problems unless we ask about them: This sounds crass, but really this is about getting women to solve these issues in their own way. As an independent woman, going to a man for your problems is inviting a man to try and fix them for you. Equality works both ways, and that means not dragging us into situations that will be in conflict with your independent female spirit. Stand on your own or admit that you want help with a solution. If you are just venting, start a diary.

2. Ask yourself if what you are about to talk to a man about is a problem that needs fixing because that's the answer you are going to get. If you don't want your man to give you a solution to a problem that doesn't need fixing, then don't make it out to be like a problem you need a fix for... Part of breaking away from being dependent on men is knowing what problems you need fixed, which ones you can fix on your own, and admitting when you need the help of someone else.

3. Don't blame a man for trying to fix it: It's what we do, because if you are stressed, frustrated, angry, or there is a problem in your life, and we care about you, then we want to fix it for you so you will be happy again. Your frustration worries us, and just you being upset triggers a response in us to want to make it better because a happy family is a healthy family. If you aren't happy about something, the relationship is in an unhealthy state. An unhealthy relationship state is a risk factor for the relationship to take a turn for the worse and possibly end. So our instinct to fix your problems means a happier, healthier relationship for BOTH of us.

i'm sure there's other ways, but i'm sure i've already said enough to warrant pitchforks and torches as it is...

And, just to cover all the bases:
If your the type of woman who fixes her own problems and doesn't find herself in these situations, then simply ignore my advice and go about your business, as this doesn't apply to you... it applies to those other women who find themselves endlessly frustrated at men and don't know why...
2013-04-22 01:06:06 PM
1 votes:

gglibertine: And for god's sake, if someone pulls some kind of BS on you, CALL them on it, don't just whine to the internet about how "women are like this" or "men are like that". farking crybabies. TALK. COMMUNICATE. IT WON'T KILL YOU.

/why yes, I am exceptionally cranky today, why do you ask?


1) doesnt sound cranky, sounds rational
2) sounds like the same thing that most guys are trying to say.
3) everyone on the planet would be happier if we followed your advice

the hard thing as a young and stupid person was learning that lesson.
WHY spend ANY time with someone like that?
The only reason that they act like that is because someone will put up with their shiat.

Sure, we all have bad days and the need to vent/detox.
But when it is every day at your job? QUIT! SUE THEM! SOMETHING
But why the fark should we have to suffer through this hell that you are unwilling to fix/change? fark that noise.

/shunning bad people has made my life worth living again.
2013-04-22 12:56:52 PM
1 votes:
Back to the Loch with you, Nessie!
2013-04-22 12:49:34 PM
1 votes:

hubiestubert: There aren't secrets. There aren't shortcuts. Be honest, be open, be yourself, and maybe, just maybe, you'll find someone who likes you for who you are, and is willing to put up with you when you're tired and cranky and feel like warmed over fish nuggets, all soggy and sodden. And maybe you'll find someone who inspires you to make them feel better when they are the same damn way.


Pfft, you and your, "logic" and "rational thought."  What do you think, that our fark partners are PEOPLE?!  They're ambulatory sex organs that occasionally supply money/sammiches!

Also your excellent points forgot to add, "don't suck as a person."
2013-04-22 12:45:33 PM
1 votes:
You know what men and women want in a relationship?

They don't know, as it changes moment by moment.

You could solve 99% of all relationship problems by smacking people upside the head with the fact that until people acknowledge that human beings are mercurial, vain, dishonest and selfish creatures whose wants and needs change more frequently than the end user agreement on iTunes.

If you want to be in a successful relationship with another human being, you need to realize that it's not a static thing. Think of it like a garden, you have to tend to it constantly, preferably with love. You find weeds and pull them out, you water it, you sing to it and most of all you realize that the effort you put into you will make it flourish where if it is left unattended, it will turn into crap.

Then again, this is why I live alone.
2013-04-22 12:44:58 PM
1 votes:

bdub77: Men want to do whatever the f*ck they want to do, most of which includes shooting and harassing people on Xbox Live and none of which includes listening to a woman talk.


It's always nice when one of the local warrior/children comes out and confirms essentially exactly what the crazy lady was talking about.

Unfortunately, she wasn't 100% wrong.
2013-04-22 12:44:34 PM
1 votes:

karlandtanya: dustygrimp: Current biggest pet peeve with regard to communication is that I hate getting answers to questions I haven't asked.

Me: What do you want for dinner?
Her: If you want to make that chicken we bought the other day I can find something else.
Me: Ok.  What do you want for dinner?
Her: It doesn't matter.  You can have the chicken.

Please, just answer the question I asked, not the question you think I am asking.

I have already decided I want something other than the chicken we just bought.
But I don't want to waste the chicken.  You eat that.  I will have what I want.


And that, ladies, is how you get a half-hour of unreciprocated oral sex.
2013-04-22 12:43:21 PM
1 votes:

Owangotang: I get told ALL the time I'm supposed to listen to nonsensical ranting without giving the slightest hint of offering a solution.

fark that.


Yeah, that's irritating.  I'm lucky in that my GF usually prefaces such exchanges by warning me that she just needs to rant.  With that in mind, I shift into "mindless agreeable automaton" mode for 5-7 minutes.
2013-04-22 12:41:39 PM
1 votes:

Owangotang: I get told ALL the time I'm supposed to listen to nonsensical ranting without giving the slightest hint of offering a solution.

fark that.


You don't have to listen to the content. Just the most vauge overaching concept.

See, When they rant like that you can exhaust them by saying nothing more then "uh-huh" "yup, I agree" and " That's terrible!" at the right moments

You only have to listen hard enough that you can put each of those 3 statements in the correct verbal pauses. It's not hard.

The trick is if they start to suspect you're doing it, they'll ask you a question. If one of their sentences ends with an upward inflection and you can't give the proper "I agree with what you've been talking about", you're farked.
2013-04-22 12:40:52 PM
1 votes:

plewis: What an insulting piece of crap.  biatch should get a coont punchpunt.


FTFY
2013-04-22 12:35:20 PM
1 votes:

Yanks_RSJ: Gothnet: Her: X bad thing happened
Me: That sucks
Her: And it's going to keep happening because of Y factor at work and Z person is just loving it and is probably evil
Me: <racks brains to think of sensible solution>
Her: It's really getting me down and it's horrible
Me: <thinking really hard, because I genuinely care>
Her: And these three other things make it worse
Me: Here is a perfectly rational solution to all of this. You need to do A, B and C. Or quit
Her: I suppose... but... here is the same rant with different words
Me: ??

"Call your mother" is what I like to insert somewhere in there.  She's there to agree with whatever you say, I'm here to offer easy suggestions on how to deal with whatever small issue is occurring.  I don't need to listen to nod my head and say "that sucks."


I get told ALL the time I'm supposed to listen to nonsensical ranting without giving the slightest hint of offering a solution.

fark that.
2013-04-22 12:32:39 PM
1 votes:

Gothnet: Her: X bad thing happened
Me: That sucks
Her: And it's going to keep happening because of Y factor at work and Z person is just loving it and is probably evil
Me: <racks brains to think of sensible solution>
Her: It's really getting me down and it's horrible
Me: <thinking really hard, because I genuinely care>
Her: And these three other things make it worse
Me: Here is a perfectly rational solution to all of this. You need to do A, B and C. Or quit
Her: I suppose... but... here is the same rant with different words
Me: ??


"Call your mother" is what I like to insert somewhere in there.  She's there to agree with whatever you say, I'm here to offer easy suggestions on how to deal with whatever small issue is occurring.  I don't need to listen to nod my head and say "that sucks."
2013-04-22 12:31:38 PM
1 votes:
biatch I'm not a predator I am a bunny. I like farking, eating, and being left alone, but most of all? Silence.
2013-04-22 12:28:26 PM
1 votes:

Doak: Fausts Fist: Brilliant piece.

Reading through the bullshiat I'm almost sure Tracy Moore has never had a long-term relationship or a job with more than 30 hours work per week.
Tracy Moore is married and has children. But kudos on your awesome assumptions, bro!


I don't think white knighting her on Fark is going to win her away from her family, bro!
2013-04-22 12:18:39 PM
1 votes:

Gothnet: Those conversations are awkward and often end badly


Ha. Your wife sounds a lot like mine. She's basically admitted that she doesn't actually WANT me to fix the problem or suggest solutions she just wants to vent. I'm an engineer, you can't explain problem to me without me thinking of possible solutions before you even finish explaining the problem. I can't help it, it's what makes me good at my job.  It's what infuriates all of my employees. They like my wife are not engineers, they like my wife would rather blame someone and get angry rather than put systems in place to preclude the problem from ever happening again.

This is why I hate having to talk about this stuff right after I get home from work.

dv-ous: She's probably just stressed out and worried about being unemployed.


I'm sure she is. I'm also stressed out and worried about her being unemployed.  That doesn't excuse treating each other like shiat though does it?
2013-04-22 12:11:48 PM
1 votes:
What an insulting piece of crap.  biatch should get a coont punch.
2013-04-22 12:06:56 PM
1 votes:

namatad: dustygrimp: Current biggest pet peeve with regard to communication is that I hate getting answers to questions I haven't asked.

Me: What do you want for dinner?
Her: If you want to make that chicken we bought the other day I can find something else.
Me: Ok.  What do you want for dinner?
Her: It doesn't matter.  You can have the chicken.

Please, just answer the question I asked, not the question you think I am asking.

hahahaha
me: where do you want to go for dinner
her: I dont care, you pick
me: mexican it is
her 10 years later: oh my god you always made me go to that mexican place
me: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU


HAHAAAA that's what we use our kids for now:

Before kids:
me: What do you want for dinner
her: I don't know, what do YOU want
me: Well i know what i DON'T want
her: Which is
me: [insert what i had for lunch that day]
her: ok, well, then what do you want
me: i seriously don't care as long as it's not [lunch]
her: me either
me: how about [food]
her: nah, i'm not really in the mood for that
me: I thought you didn't care
her: I didn't, but now [food] doesn't sound good
... continue this for 1/2 hour

now:
me: what do you want for dinner
her: I don't know, what do you want?
me: not [Lunch]
her: hey [kid's name], what do you want for dinner?
kid: [insert kid favorite here]
us: no! how about [food]
kid: ok fine
her: [food] sounds good!

As long as i don't make the first suggestion, i end up picking what we eat, without argument, because letting the kids choose pizza or macaroni and cheese every night of the week would be horrible
2013-04-22 12:03:47 PM
1 votes:

DeaH: I think EVERYONE would like his or her home to be a place to recharge, an oasis from the crap of the world. But we have to take turns being the oasis. That's all.


THIS.

When I get home from work, I don't want to hear about all of his new and complicated deck building scenarios, at least not right away. I don't want to learn a new gaming system on date-night, and be expected to multitask in other fantasy setting conversations at the same time. I read all friggin' day at work and my brain is tired. Just give me the dice, and tell me what to roll, already.
Also, don't complain that I button mash. I'm tired, and don't want to memorize button pattern bs.

Just let me friggin' relax, and maybe listen to me vent about bs at work for 30 minutes. You're just gonna bs anyway, why can't I get crap off my chest.

/Yes, I make sammiches.
2013-04-22 11:55:39 AM
1 votes:

dustygrimp: Current biggest pet peeve with regard to communication is that I hate getting answers to questions I haven't asked.

Me: What do you want for dinner?
Her: If you want to make that chicken we bought the other day I can find something else.
Me: Ok.  What do you want for dinner?
Her: It doesn't matter.  You can have the chicken.

Please, just answer the question I asked, not the question you think I am asking.


hahahaha
me: where do you want to go for dinner
her: I dont care, you pick
me: mexican it is
her 10 years later: oh my god you always made me go to that mexican place
me: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
2013-04-22 11:54:32 AM
1 votes:
I think EVERYONE would like his or her home to be a place to recharge, an oasis from the crap of the world. But we have to take turns being the oasis. That's all.
2013-04-22 11:52:28 AM
1 votes:

Uchiha_Cycliste: Anyways, I stand by me and my girlfriend... equality.
Interestingly, we came to our equality views independently which I think is a really important thing.. it meant I wasn't just proclaiming similar ideas because I wanted to be closer to her. There are many views, ideas and feelings that I have co-opted from her, and likewise her from me. But this one; we both realized early on both that it was an important idea and it was something worth trying our damndest to reinforce.
while we've only been dating for a year, I've been asking her out for 15 years and we've been best friends for 25 =3


global3.memecdn.com
2013-04-22 11:43:13 AM
1 votes:

miss diminutive: How about we just call a truce in the whole battle of the sexes thing?


Because it's not profitable to the people whose sole existence is to hijack movements, reduce it to some shadow of its former self, then parrot out their views for money?
2013-04-22 11:32:24 AM
1 votes:
snag.gy
Apparently it was Jezebel
2013-04-22 11:22:45 AM
1 votes:

CeroX: What Men Want? It's different for each man, take the time and figure your man out, but use direct communication using language that means what you say, and not passive aggressive nonsense or cryptic terms with double meanings or deep philosophical undertones. Also, we don't want you being upset because the answer if less than 5 words. Our answers aren't passive aggressive nonsense or cryptic terms with double meanings or deep philosophical undertones.


NO
men are not different
we all want THIS !!!!!

and if you could bring us a beer, that would be awesome
2013-04-22 11:21:19 AM
1 votes:

CeroX: What Men Want? It's different for each man, take the time and figure your man out, but use direct communication using language that means what you say, and not passive aggressive nonsense or cryptic terms with double meanings or deep philosophical undertones. Also, we don't want you being upset because the answer if less than 5 words. Our answers aren't passive aggressive nonsense or cryptic terms with double meanings or deep philosophical undertones.


Protip: if you go around making general statements about women that suggest that everything we say is "passive aggressive nonsense or cryptic terms with double meanings or deep philisophical undertones," you are going to come off looking like you don't like women very much.

/I actually like men, I do say what I mean, and I do take the trouble to figure a man out. However, I expect him to extend the same courtesy to me; dismissing women as "impossible to understand" is a cop-out. Of course, such men can always settle for that passive-aggressive nonsense, but it gets awfully boring listening to you complain about it.
2013-04-22 11:17:17 AM
1 votes:

Uchiha_Cycliste: Sid_6.7: teto85: 25.media.tumblr.com

You're reading what passes as "feminist critique" among the more modern and less intellectually interested "feminists".

Unlike the feminist of yore, which might have actually had many fine and insightful points to make about how society tends to emphasize and favor the "masculine" over the "feminine" (no, really, guy here, and a lot of feminism is interesting philosophically!), this author, like many of her ilk, have been reduced to complaining about men complaining.

Which, really, is about the opposite of feminism. Hey, lady, how about you stop obsessing over what men say and do, and forge your own place in the world? Yeah, didn't think so, that would be too hard, wouldn't it?

And she's really trying to be funny, but managing to come off as even less funny and more pissy than most conservative "comedians".

Sad.

/and that's what you're reading!

[i426.photobucket.com image 254x192]

\when did feminism stop being about equality?
\\equality is what I still look to create and what my GF and I are all about.


Feminism was never about equality in the first place.

Feminism was about two things. (1.) Reversing the discrimination present against females for no reason other than being female, and (2.) Not only taking over the #1 slot from menfolk, but exacting revenge on them for the past actions of 1.

The more time that has past, the less #1 has meant, and the less the first part of #2 has meant. It's all about the revenge now, and has been for quite some time.
2013-04-22 11:15:14 AM
1 votes:

YixilTesiphon: Damn do some people like to overthink relationships.

Do what it is important to your partner that you do. Tell them what it is important to you that they do. If this does not work, find somebody with whom it will.


QFT.

And the corollary: If you are in a relationship with someone who needs to interact when you need to be alone, or someone who needs quiet when you need activity, or some similar incompatibility, you are in a relationship with the wrong person and you should correct that before things go any further. They are not going to be that sexy forever. You are not going to be this horny forever. But that fundamental incompatibility of personality types is not going to change,
2013-04-22 11:14:03 AM
1 votes:
Whenever I hear the word "growth", I think of some sort of disfiguring skin condition.

As long as I'm way off topic...ladies, we're not interested in becoming a better person.  We're not a project for you to work on.  I've had two exes try to mould me into their ideal of masculinity, and both told me they were just trying to "help me be a better person."  I asked what was wrong with the person I already was.  They didn't have a good answer...of course, that didn't stop them or get them to change their minds or anything.
2013-04-22 11:10:45 AM
1 votes:

CeroX: What Men Want? It's different for each man, take the time and figure your man out, but use direct communication using language that means what you say, and not passive aggressive nonsense or cryptic terms with double meanings or deep philosophical undertones. Also, we don't want you being upset because the answer if less than 5 words. Our answers aren't passive aggressive nonsense or cryptic terms with double meanings or deep philosophical undertones.


And for gods sake, if you need to decompress by chatting with me, I am fine with that. Please don't disguise it as needing my opinion on something. IF you ask my opinion, and you really just want me to nod and say "that person who did something mildly objectionable is a total biatch"  I will come up with a solution for you, which will involve a rational conversation with the person you're upset over, and then you'll be even more mad at me.


And If I'm asking you a question ANSWER THE farkING QUESTION FIRST.  I did not ask for a story about how your coworkers uncles friends cousins former roomate once asked a similar question and he had cancer of the nutsack and my uncle was such a wonderful man who... what was the question?
2013-04-22 11:09:40 AM
1 votes:
My first 5 minutes at home are for my daughter and son.  In that order.  I think my wife has finally figured that out.  If that routine gets interrupted I am in a foul mood all night.  Whatever silly bullsquat either of us is upset about takes a WAAAAY distant second to the kids.  If this moron blogger can't wrap her head around that then she can feel free to date my brother.
2013-04-22 11:03:10 AM
1 votes:

AngryDragon: gglibertine: .....That's it. That's all. The rest of it is just distractions designed to keep people bickering over minutiae instead of actually spending a moment's rational thought on the subject of equality.

I cannot farking believe we're in the farking 21st century and we're still arguing about asinine crap like this. Get with the farking program.

Hey now!  There will be no rational discourse in this thread!


There's actually been a lot of rational discourse in this thread. Of course, much of it has been what some people don't really want to hear, so they, of course, summarily dismiss it.
2013-04-22 10:55:27 AM
1 votes:
Step 20. Date The Predator's brother.


WHOOP WHOOP! HOMEWRECKER ALERT! WHOOP WHOOP! HOMEWRECKER ALERT!
STAY CALM AND DO NOT PANIC! DUMP THIS GOLD DIGGING WHORE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!
WARNING! ASSOCIATION WITH WOMEN OF THIS TYPE IS THE LEADING CAUSE OF MALE SUICIDE AND MALE ON FEMALE MURDER.
AVOID HOMEWRECKERS AT ALL COSTS.
2013-04-22 10:51:24 AM
1 votes:
/Patriarchy
2013-04-22 10:42:55 AM
1 votes:

WhippingBoy: quickdraw: mike_d85: Um... Where's the real article? It sounds spot on.

/shut up for 5 minutes when I walk in the door please

If you don't want someone who talks get a dog.

Whoa. Did you just say that? Are you serious??? Five minutes is too much for you to wait??? You are the weakest link. I feel sorry for the pussy-whipped delta man that ends up with you


Perhaps she is the one who needs the dog.  That way she can yap at the poor thing infinitely without getting any of that infuriating conversational response.  Then again, this could be considered animal cruelty.  I would imagine that after a week or so the poor animal would break into her Godiva stash and commit suicide by chocolate.
2013-04-22 10:42:13 AM
1 votes:

because I care: My girlfriend flat-out told me she does everything she can to please me because when I'm happy and satisfied I'll do anything she tells me to.

She doesn't understand why so many Western women don't get that.


Ladies, this is how you pussy-whip. Take notes.
2013-04-22 10:36:14 AM
1 votes:

Dion Fortune: I've realized that the way to react to "feminist" derp like this is just to not engage with it.  Deep down it's a cry for attention (and page views).


Isn't the correct term "femsplaining"?
2013-04-22 10:34:26 AM
1 votes:
I've realized that the way to react to "feminist" derp like this is just to not engage with it.  Deep down it's a cry for attention (and page views).
2013-04-22 10:25:52 AM
1 votes:
Raaaaarrrgh, Jezebel!!!

I swear, if this were posted on some other site, most of the focus would be on how lame the guy she's talking about is.
2013-04-22 10:00:47 AM
1 votes:
I'm a pretty feministy man myself, but Jezebel is right up there on the list of worst sites on the internet.

/all of the Gawker sites are up there...
2013-04-22 09:59:41 AM
1 votes:

WhippingBoy: Imagine what would happen if one day, all of a sudden, men stopped putting up with all of this shiat.


well
you would be single, like me

/why the fark would ANYONE put up with this shiat?
2013-04-22 09:58:51 AM
1 votes:
People ask me why I want to stay single.  Go figure.
KIA
2013-04-22 09:37:29 AM
1 votes:

because I care: My girlfriend flat-out told me she does everything she can to please me because when I'm happy and satisfied I'll do anything she tells me to.


Exactly.  We're much more pliable when happy.

In fact, you could almost graph the relation between my crankiness and length of time since I've been given food, sex and down time.

/ assuming you had a really long graph...
2013-04-22 09:29:31 AM
1 votes:

LegacyDL: Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Women and gay men tend to want more drama in their lives.  Straight men want less.

You'll find that life has a cruel sense of humor, the people who try to avoid drama seem to find themselves in a proverbial drama minefield without trying.


Not me.  I don't like drama, so I avoid people that generate it.  It's a pretty good strategy.
2013-04-22 09:25:41 AM
1 votes:

rubi_con_man: For the women who complain that men don't listen to them or care about their internal feelings ... Please don't be surprised. Many of the traits that you want from men - the traits that get them laid - are the traits that require detachment and callousness. Get your fourteen year old daughters to cherish being sensitive, patient and caring. Get them to invest their dating and romantic lives and their first sexual encounters to the squeamish, uncertain, uncomfortable boy with zits and glasses in preference to the early-peaking captain of the football team who wins status by dominating others uncaringly.

Most men ape - and then become - thesebecause they see that it's a route to the main form of success that even beta males aspire to - sex. Once a supply of sex is secure, men - especially young men - can grow immensely. Without it- without the approval and support of one lover - growth is tremendously difficult, and basically is composed of lurching from pretended behavior to pretended behavior.

As a young man, this is part of the reason that "just be yourself" was vexing. "just myself" clearly wasn't getting laid or accepted. Why the hell would I want to be that loser? Hey, you know what works? Calling girls biatches and beating up those weaker than myself!


This, so much this.
2013-04-22 09:10:49 AM
1 votes:

WhippingBoy: Imagine what would happen if one day, all of a sudden, men stopped putting up with all of this shiat.


A universe-wide epidemic of blue balls?
2013-04-22 09:06:27 AM
1 votes:
One of the worst examples of writing ever. No idea what the point is.
2013-04-22 09:06:01 AM
1 votes:
Imagine what would happen if one day, all of a sudden, men stopped putting up with all of this shiat.
2013-04-22 09:04:33 AM
1 votes:

TeaCozy: Skarekrough: INeedAName: In December my wife has a chance to South Africa for 2 weeks. She asked me if I wanted to tag along. I'm leaning towards no.

It's not that I don't love her, or want her around... but holy farking hell, some mother farking peace and quiet?!

I used to think I wanted to feel needed. Im tired of being needed. Being needed wears me the fark out!

About once a year I end up in that sort of situation.

I've never felt bad about staying behind.  The peace and quiet, watching movies without having to consider whether someone else would want to watch it too, even cooking things and having meals which would merit conversations that merit more discussion than is ever really necessary.

When she comes home I'm glad to see her.  I'm genuinely please to have her back in my daily life again.

As someone said it's hard to appreciate someone for what they are when they're there all the time.

Oh, wow. A few times a year, I like to take the kids and visit with my parents for a few days. I know my husband enjoys the break, and it makes me happy to think of him having some time to himself. You guys have helped me to understand how it must feel to him to have that break. :)


Everyone needs this.  Not just men.  My typical work schedule is 4 10-12 hours days a week so I usually get some random week day off.   I love those days because they're all mine.  I can go get lunch at that place that I love but he is indifferent to or just sit around in my PJ's watching movies that only I like.  90% of the time having him around is better than being alone but you need that 10%.

I notice he doesn't complain when I take the occassional weekend to visit my friends in another city either.
2013-04-22 09:03:49 AM
1 votes:

quickdraw: Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Women and gay men tend to want more drama in their lives.  Straight men want less.

pffft whatever. I know plenty of very het guys that are freaking drama machines. The biggest gossips I know are straight guys as well. It's just when they do it they call it "having a beer."


The difference is whether they observe the sacred maxim or not: don't start no shiat, won't be no shiat.
2013-04-22 08:56:47 AM
1 votes:
It's times like this I feel really lucky that I found my girlfriend.  She's virtually drama free, communicates her feelings, and doesn't engage in passive-aggressive bullshiat.
2013-04-22 08:56:37 AM
1 votes:

mike_d85: Um... Where's the real article? It sounds spot on.

/shut up for 5 minutes when I walk in the door please


If you don't want someone who talks get a dog.
2013-04-22 08:52:07 AM
1 votes:
I like what Chris Rock said about men:
"Men want 3 things:  Food, sex & silence.  Feed me.  Fark me.  Shut the Fark up."
Yes ladies, men really are that simple.
2013-04-22 08:45:52 AM
1 votes:
I ain't even a guy, but I've been married awhile.  This is bullshiat.
2013-04-22 08:43:23 AM
1 votes:

RangerTaylor: So I made the mistake of looking in the comments.  Wow.  What a bunch of whacknoodles.  I see them all getting together for chocolatinis and biatching about how they can't find a good man but that dumb slut Jenny always get the good ones, but they just like her cuz she likes to fark and cook.


That's where they get it wrong. I like Jenny because she doesn't spend all her time with her female friends, complaining about me.
2013-04-22 08:41:31 AM
1 votes:

ko_kyi: I am happy to deal with life's stresses together.

I am unhappy to deal with constantly manufactured stresses that could have been avoided with a tiny bit of thought, consideration, etc.


Nicely put. Somewhat related is the time it takes for someone to switch from "oh no, something bad happened / is happening" to "okay, how can we fix this?" It took me a while to realize that this, for me, was one of the most important qualities to find in a woman: the attitude that sometimes things suck, but as a team we can kick its ass. I think that's why my wife and I get along so well-- the slack is always being picked up by whomever is in the position to do so, and sometimes by both of us at the same time. My grandfather once said that marriage isn't a 50 / 50 proposition-- It's 80 / 80. You constantly have to be prepared to give more than your share because there will be times when the other person cannot.
2013-04-22 08:38:10 AM
1 votes:
I learned early on with women that you can be right, or you can be happy. Not both.
2013-04-22 08:37:42 AM
1 votes:

crab66: ko_kyi: I am happy to deal with life's stresses together.

I am unhappy to deal with constantly manufactured stresses that could have been avoided with a tiny bit of thought, consideration, etc.

Reminds me of my sister. How her husband puts up with that crap....I will never know.


The pussy is really really good
2013-04-22 08:37:16 AM
1 votes:

Sudo_Make_Me_A_Sandwich: I'm an introvert who spends all day teaching kids. When I come home, I need some quiet time in order to recover from the massive amounts of energy being constantly socially engaged costs me. I don't necessarily want to spend an hour after work discussing how my day working with kids went and how my girlfriend's day working with kids went. I don't see why this makes me a bad person as the author seems to believe.


Becuase the world revolves around the female in a relationship and whatever you do or want doesn't matter because you are a 'penis person'.
2013-04-22 08:30:56 AM
1 votes:
That was like trying to read another wizard's spell book, where you just get more confused and crazy the more you read. Perhaps that's what happened to the authors over at Jezebel.
2013-04-22 08:30:43 AM
1 votes:

crab66: ko_kyi: I am happy to deal with life's stresses together.

I am unhappy to deal with constantly manufactured stresses that could have been avoided with a tiny bit of thought, consideration, etc.

Reminds me of my sister. How her husband puts up with that crap....I will never know.


Where is your sister on the hot/crazy scale? Because I honestly believe - and have empiric evidence by watching the realtionships of nearly every one of my acquaintances - that this is a real thing.
2013-04-22 08:22:56 AM
1 votes:
what's the headline's tl;dr version?
2013-04-22 08:20:26 AM
1 votes:
Sorry due to sign of the times/cognitive dissonance I treat women as my equals when it comes practically everything. I honestly believe that this is due to feminism, but hey it's 2013.

Women and men can't have it both ways you can't say that "hey I'm a precious flower that needs love and affection" or "I need a sandwich and a blowjob" and then throw a hissy fit when your projections of man/woman relationships are met with reality.

At the end of the day I think mostly everyone can agree that what we look for in relationships are people who add greatness to the greatness that is already there in the individual, not to add greatness to complete a deficit.
2013-04-22 08:13:57 AM
1 votes:
I read Jezebel periodically, it's definitely the site where all problems created in female personalities by centuries of paternalistic (ha!) leadership are glossed over, while any problems in male personalities are smeared with a broad brush onto nearly every man, as if we're all pathological rapist frat boys.
2013-04-22 08:09:17 AM
1 votes:

Fromageball: Not really sure what this article is about...don't women also want to be able to come home and relax?

I'm ~30 and have found that it is pretty simple, at least in romantic relationships, to get along with men and not feel used. If you date someone who expects you to clean and cook and do his laundry, and give him blowjobs as soon as he walks in the door, assuming you don't want to do any of that, you can stop dating him or you can talk to him about it. If you talk to him and you don't like the outcome, then you stop dating him.

No one will pay me to write an article about that though...


Actually you should. Even if you fail to get it taken up by Jezzebel, there's some actual publications that aren't run by trolls that might pick it up. It would be nice to see a sane feminist author in the mix.
2013-04-22 08:07:55 AM
1 votes:

INeedAName: In December my wife has a chance to South Africa for 2 weeks. She asked me if I wanted to tag along. I'm leaning towards no.

It's not that I don't love her, or want her around... but holy farking hell, some mother farking peace and quiet?!

I used to think I wanted to feel needed. Im tired of being needed. Being needed wears me the fark out!


About once a year I end up in that sort of situation.

I've never felt bad about staying behind.  The peace and quiet, watching movies without having to consider whether someone else would want to watch it too, even cooking things and having meals which would merit conversations that merit more discussion than is ever really necessary.

When she comes home I'm glad to see her.  I'm genuinely please to have her back in my daily life again.

As someone said it's hard to appreciate someone for what they are when they're there all the time.
2013-04-22 08:04:00 AM
1 votes:
She sounds single.
2013-04-22 08:02:17 AM
1 votes:

Martian_Astronomer: I get the feeling she was orbiting around a point, (or orbiting around a cluster of points in one of those mind-bending n-body trajectory problems that has to be solved numerically,) but never actually getting around to mentioning what that point was.


And it was written by a woman?  I am SHOCKED!
2013-04-22 08:01:31 AM
1 votes:

dragonchild: Please pardon me if I like my essay on gender roles better.


To quote from your (yes, better) piece: "MAN" is the tragically retarded derphead who counts how many (womanly) women he's slept with like it's a score in the game of life, treats everything like a competition and votes for "tough on crime"/"bomb brown people"/"guns & God" because it's MANLY to do so, even if it's clear the candidate is out to fark everything else up -- and farks us all over in the process -- and doesn't care.

Sounds like you need a break from the Politics tab, because you just described most of the people there.
2013-04-22 08:01:17 AM
1 votes:

miss diminutive: Martian_Astronomer: // Fark, on the other hand, loves any argument that drives clicks

Speaking of which....*checks watch*....looks like the daily 7:30 train to religious/atheism flamewarville is running a tad behind schedule.



There's plenty of time to turn *this* thread into a pointlessly hijacked gun discussion...
2013-04-22 07:59:21 AM
1 votes:

PunGent: We have an "Unlikely" tag for a reason, people...


WE have the jezebel tag too which suffciently indecates "Toot! toot! the SS Jezebel has returnded to it's berth, prepare for painful unreality if an intelligent man (the enemy)"
2013-04-22 07:55:28 AM
1 votes:

T-Servo: skinink: Has this subject already been covered in every monthly issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine?

I think there was a quiz to determine if you're man is an appliance, a predator, or a child.


your
2013-04-22 07:42:56 AM
1 votes:
My brain hurts. What the hell did I just try to read?
2013-04-22 07:35:06 AM
1 votes:
There's no possible chance I would read that.
2013-04-22 07:27:45 AM
1 votes:
You know what really recharges our batteries?  Not having to listen to women like "Tracy" (TFA) prattle on and on about how good men have it compared to women.

The article it's based on has it exactly right.  Tracy might be happier with the state of her relationships if she could shut up and make sammiches once in a while when her man gets home.

/Just kidding
//Sort of
2013-04-22 07:25:19 AM
1 votes:
1. Show up naked.
2. Bring beer.
2013-04-22 07:23:59 AM
1 votes:
Jezebel's goal is to be more damaging that the 25 magazine titles devoted to farking up women which are clustered around most every check-out at most every supermarket.

-- waiting for J to have a weekly Castration Tool give-away contest for their truly devoted
2013-04-22 07:23:56 AM
1 votes:
I just want her to stop laughing when I take off my pants.
2013-04-22 07:22:28 AM
1 votes:
SHA!!
2013-04-22 07:19:24 AM
1 votes:
Dafuq did I just read?
2013-04-22 06:56:43 AM
1 votes:
We want a place where we don't have to be on our best behavior, where we don't have to walk on egg shells and where we don't have to pretend that we're something we're not

That place was work, until women came along and started making all kind of rules. Now, you try to be yourself and the sewing circle in HR sends you off to Diversity Training. Just pinch an intern's butt, and you'll be spending the next week listening to some fat lesbian talk about her feelings. Women have only themselves to blame if we want home to be a little more relaxed as a result.
 
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