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(Jezebel)   What men want from a relationship is not a place to recharge, nor feel secure, nor where we can be ourselves but a growth experience where the man listens to a woman's every thought and worry and figures out what her facial expression means   (jezebel.com) divider line 377
    More: Followup, interpersonal relationship, economic growths  
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12395 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Apr 2013 at 7:16 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-22 09:37:40 AM  

YixilTesiphon: Damn do some people like to overthink relationships.

Do what it is important to your partner that you do. Tell them what it is important to you that they do. If this does not work, find somebody with whom it will.


That would make far too much sense.
 
2013-04-22 09:39:53 AM  
To our Dear Author...

lh5.googleusercontent.com

Men and women aren't mysteries. They aren't colossally different. Just folks. Whole and entire. You're in a relationship, you take the time to learn their moods and their rhythms. That's it. No "secrets" just learn who they are, and hopefully, if you're lucky, you like the folks they are. If not, then you exit, Stage Left. This crap only drives one thing: magazine sales and page views to give folks some "secret knowledge" that is the equivalent of the "make ANY woman WILD" in the back of men's magazines, or pop up ads for softcore sites.

There aren't secrets. There aren't shortcuts. Be honest, be open, be yourself, and maybe, just maybe, you'll find someone who likes you for who you are, and is willing to put up with you when you're tired and cranky and feel like warmed over fish nuggets, all soggy and sodden. And maybe you'll find someone who inspires you to make them feel better when they are the same damn way. No secret. No hidden knowledge. Just time and a little effort, and paying the f*ck attention. All tripe like this does is fuel insecurities and drama and obfuscation in relationships that if held to only keeps folks from really talking. Which, I suppose keeps idiots thinking that they're the problem, and have to be "fixed" when the only thing that really needs "fixing" is to stop buying into the gloss and veneer, and paying attention to the person they're with, and deciding if they really like that person, and if they're willing to do for them. Folks need to spend less time listening to all the secrets, and instead listen to their partner and their own damn selves.
 
2013-04-22 09:41:40 AM  
Article was stupid, and I think the author missed the point.

Men do want what was described, but not at the expense of their SO.  That's extremely one-sided and means the relationship is probably in some kind of trouble.

I enjoy my relationship with my girlfriend, we get along well together.  Mostly I think it's because I actually listen to her and pay attention to what she wants and needs as much as she does for me.
 
2013-04-22 09:42:04 AM  

because I care: My girlfriend flat-out told me she does everything she can to please me because when I'm happy and satisfied I'll do anything she tells me to.

She doesn't understand why so many Western women don't get that.


Toward the end my ex wanted to sit around the house doing nothing and expected me to do everything. Her main excuse is that she was too tired after getting home from her part time retail job, not that she would do anything on the weekends either. But apparently me doing things before my full time midnight shift industrial job was just fine by her.

I used to love doing things to make her happy. She used to reciprocate far far more often, too. But by the end it was obvious that I was just being used. At one point she said, "I liked you better when you just did everything that I told you to." I thought that this was just her way of expressing unhappiness that now since we moved to where she really wanted to go for schooling, and I took a different job in the area, we had less money on general and I had to start saying "no" on occasion to her wants.

It turns out that I was wrong. It was a rare moment of flat out honesty from her.

/She was basically using me as an escape from her family life for the entire relationship.
//Gave her a peaceful life and suddenly that escape of hers was no longer needed.
///Long story
 
2013-04-22 09:44:39 AM  
Do you think she'd mind if I sent her a penis collage?
 
2013-04-22 09:46:58 AM  
Jezebel. Because blogs have to post...SOMEthing.
 
2013-04-22 09:51:19 AM  

E5bie: YixilTesiphon: Damn do some people like to overthink relationships.

Do what it is important to your partner that you do. Tell them what it is important to you that they do. If this does not work, find somebody with whom it will.

That would make far too much sense.


The response I've seen to such sound wisdom is the following:

"What men want is wrong. How men are is wrong. Men should want the things that women want and strive to cultivate behaviors and habits that women say they prefer*."

/not actually, demonstrably prefer
 
2013-04-22 09:51:37 AM  

quickdraw: mike_d85: Um... Where's the real article? It sounds spot on.

/shut up for 5 minutes when I walk in the door please

If you don't want someone who talks get a dog.


Really?  5 minutes of being considerate to your partner is too much to ask?
 
2013-04-22 09:52:48 AM  

CapeFearCadaver: Step 3. Find The Predator's cord.And snip that biatch. Make him yours! Of course you'll now have an eunuch, but what the hell, he's got plenty of CHILL time now!


guyism.com
 
2013-04-22 09:56:05 AM  

AngryDragon: quickdraw: mike_d85: Um... Where's the real article? It sounds spot on.

/shut up for 5 minutes when I walk in the door please

If you don't want someone who talks get a dog.

Really?  5 minutes of being considerate to your partner is too much to ask?


That depends if it's the first five minutes you walk in the door, and you're exhausted, and for the last hour in the car all you've been looking forward to is a cup of tea and to relax into your favourite chair. (The other half doesn't even have to make the tea). It can be too much then, yes, if it's a stream of consciousness about people you don't know and how they're all horrible.
 
2013-04-22 09:56:09 AM  

because I care: My girlfriend flat-out told me she does everything she can to please me because when I'm happy and satisfied I'll do anything she tells me to.

She doesn't understand why so many Western women don't get that.


We're really not complicated creatures.

Also, my wife and I don't do presents. We have reasonable wants and get what we want.
 
2013-04-22 09:56:36 AM  
Tracy's got quite the manjaw. Lulz
 
2013-04-22 09:58:51 AM  
People ask me why I want to stay single.  Go figure.
 
2013-04-22 09:59:41 AM  

WhippingBoy: Imagine what would happen if one day, all of a sudden, men stopped putting up with all of this shiat.


well
you would be single, like me

/why the fark would ANYONE put up with this shiat?
 
2013-04-22 09:59:53 AM  

hubiestubert: Stage Left


Tracy just contacted me regarding this comment. Her: "I don't think a man has any reason nor right to tell me which side of the stage to exit! Fight the Patriarchy!"
 
2013-04-22 10:00:34 AM  
rules for women who give a shiat about their partner...

now that 99.9% of women have stopped reading all the men here can enjoy a good laugh imagining their partners care enough to follow these

The Rules
Don't talk about anything under the following circumstances - the only acceptable reason to break this rule is to tell us someone is messing with our car or toolshed - the only acceptable interaction under these circumstances is placing an open beer somewhere in our peripheral vision (so we don't knock it over), but without walking between us and whatever it is we are paying attention to
1. when we are watching a screen (tv, computer, phone, tablet)
2. when we are reading
3. when we are fixing things
4. when our eyes are closed

Don't talk about the following topics. They are uninteresting and it increases our stress level to pretend to give a shiat.
1. your friends (unless they are hot and/or slutty, in which case understand that the whole time you talk about them we are thinking about farking them)
2. your relatives (unless they are about to die and leave us money, then just include the relevant information we need to butter them up properly)
3. your job (unless someone is harassing you and needs a cockpunch)
4. other peoples children or pets (this is absolute NOTHING other people's children do that is worth us exercising a single brain cell to process the information)
 
2013-04-22 10:00:47 AM  
I'm a pretty feministy man myself, but Jezebel is right up there on the list of worst sites on the internet.

/all of the Gawker sites are up there...
 
2013-04-22 10:00:52 AM  

Nana's Vibrator: Do you think she'd mind if I sent her a penis collage?


I bet she would thank you for it.
 
2013-04-22 10:00:59 AM  

doglover: CapeFearCadaver: Step 3. Find The Predator's cord.And snip that biatch. Make him yours! Of course you'll now have an eunuch, but what the hell, he's got plenty of CHILL time now!

[guyism.com image 640x456]


i291.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-22 10:10:09 AM  
i.imgur.com

I keed, I keed
 
2013-04-22 10:20:56 AM  

iron_city_ap: Mine is in Isreal with her mom right now. Its pure heaven. Its quiet when I want quiet, the beer flows like water, porn is on the computer at all times, the only acceptable food is fried food....


Mine is in Canada

It is quite stressful being away, but the beer, porn and fried food is a good consolation.
(Im in China)

Codependent relationships suck.

Everyone should be free to be themselves whenever they need that.
 
2013-04-22 10:24:07 AM  

Monkeyhouse Zendo: TFA: A man is like an appliance. No. No, let's try that again. See. A man is like a rugged, fierce warrior. Or, maybe. Hmmm. A man is still like a child.

This tells you everything you need to know about how she really views men and how she expects her readers to view them: useful objects, objects of derision, children.


Jezebel is like this for most of their 'articles' so I lump them into the same category as Free Republic: they MIGHT have some information that's useful, but it isn't worth wading through the mountains of crap to find it.
 
2013-04-22 10:25:52 AM  
Raaaaarrrgh, Jezebel!!!

I swear, if this were posted on some other site, most of the focus would be on how lame the guy she's talking about is.
 
2013-04-22 10:29:26 AM  

Dafatone: Raaaaarrrgh, Jezebel!!!

I swear, if this were posted on some other site, most of the focus would be on how lame the guy she's talking about is.


Oh no worries, he's an idiot too. There's plenty of room for everyone involved in the linked story to be a fracking moron.
 
2013-04-22 10:34:13 AM  

quickdraw: mike_d85: Um... Where's the real article? It sounds spot on.

/shut up for 5 minutes when I walk in the door please

If you don't want someone who talks get a dog.


Whoa. Did you just say that? Are you serious??? Five minutes is too much for you to wait??? You are the weakest link. I feel sorry for the pussy-whipped delta man that ends up with you
 
2013-04-22 10:34:26 AM  
I've realized that the way to react to "feminist" derp like this is just to not engage with it.  Deep down it's a cry for attention (and page views).
 
2013-04-22 10:36:14 AM  

Dion Fortune: I've realized that the way to react to "feminist" derp like this is just to not engage with it.  Deep down it's a cry for attention (and page views).


Isn't the correct term "femsplaining"?
 
2013-04-22 10:38:07 AM  

Wicked Chinchilla: INeedAName: In December my wife has a chance to South Africa for 2 weeks. She asked me if I wanted to tag along. I'm leaning towards no.

It's not that I don't love her, or want her around... but holy farking hell, some mother farking peace and quiet?!

I used to think I wanted to feel needed. Im tired of being needed. Being needed wears me the fark out!

You should go.  I get your need for peace and quiet, but South Africa is really, really, really beautiful.  That would be one hell of a trip to miss out on.  Plus, if she is going for something work related, you would still get peace and quiet while she is going through the trip obligations.


Agreed. That's a once in a lifetime trip.
 
2013-04-22 10:42:13 AM  

because I care: My girlfriend flat-out told me she does everything she can to please me because when I'm happy and satisfied I'll do anything she tells me to.

She doesn't understand why so many Western women don't get that.


Ladies, this is how you pussy-whip. Take notes.
 
2013-04-22 10:42:55 AM  

WhippingBoy: quickdraw: mike_d85: Um... Where's the real article? It sounds spot on.

/shut up for 5 minutes when I walk in the door please

If you don't want someone who talks get a dog.

Whoa. Did you just say that? Are you serious??? Five minutes is too much for you to wait??? You are the weakest link. I feel sorry for the pussy-whipped delta man that ends up with you


Perhaps she is the one who needs the dog.  That way she can yap at the poor thing infinitely without getting any of that infuriating conversational response.  Then again, this could be considered animal cruelty.  I would imagine that after a week or so the poor animal would break into her Godiva stash and commit suicide by chocolate.
 
2013-04-22 10:43:04 AM  
You know what men REALLY love?  Being psychoanalyzed by women that don't understand men all the time.  And don't forget to get right on our asses as soon as we walk in a door so that you can go over everything you think we did wrong - we love that.

Seriously though - we're not women, so we probably only want to talk about our feelings SOME of the time (not most).  And we also probably don't like listening to generalization about men, that stereotype us into gender roles ... especially when you just got through saying how awful it is that men stereotype women into gender roles.

Regardless of gender, if you don't like someone for who they are, and you can only be happy if you can try to change them all the time, you're an asshole, and you deserve to be alone.
 
2013-04-22 10:45:51 AM  

LibertyHiller: because I care: My girlfriend flat-out told me she does everything she can to please me because when I'm happy and satisfied I'll do anything she tells me to.

She doesn't understand why so many Western women don't get that.

Ladies, this is how you pussy-whip. Take notes.


Wait til he marries her...ha ha ha
 
2013-04-22 10:45:56 AM  
doglover: Women be shoppin.

img96.imageshack.us
 
2013-04-22 10:48:35 AM  
I'm too lazy to read this thread and block all the morons who are too busy whining about "feminazis" to notice that almost all women and a goodly percentage of men are feminists these days and the vast majority of us are just quietly getting on with things. Can someone please summarize for me?

And, for the gentlemen:

Things I don't give a rat's ass about: sammiches,personholes, toilet seats, diamonds, who opens doors for whom, who makes more money, who pays for dinner, whether men can read my facial expressions, the psychological implications of pussy-shaving, construction workers shouting at me on the street, whether you're intimidated by my opinions, forthrightness, or intellect, and all the rest of that crap.

If you want to be a caveman, that's your business; I'm sure you'll eventually find a woman who digs cavemen, and that's her business. And she can still be a feminist while liking cavemen! Imagine that! Because what feminism is *actually* about is having the freedom to make whatever the fark choices for ourselves we want, even if that means we choose to make sammiches while barefoot and pregnant!

You know what I care about? Whether you treat women with the same respect you accord to men, and whether men and women have the same opportunities when it comes to our life choices (and that includes YOUR right to stay home with the kids and YOUR right to be in touch with your feelings and YOUR right to be into pegging if that's what floats your boat).

That's it. That's all. The rest of it is just distractions designed to keep people bickering over minutiae instead of actually spending a moment's rational thought on the subject of equality.

I cannot farking believe we're in the farking 21st century and we're still arguing about asinine crap like this. Get with the farking program.
 
2013-04-22 10:51:24 AM  
/Patriarchy
 
2013-04-22 10:55:27 AM  
Step 20. Date The Predator's brother.


WHOOP WHOOP! HOMEWRECKER ALERT! WHOOP WHOOP! HOMEWRECKER ALERT!
STAY CALM AND DO NOT PANIC! DUMP THIS GOLD DIGGING WHORE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!
WARNING! ASSOCIATION WITH WOMEN OF THIS TYPE IS THE LEADING CAUSE OF MALE SUICIDE AND MALE ON FEMALE MURDER.
AVOID HOMEWRECKERS AT ALL COSTS.
 
2013-04-22 10:55:38 AM  
I just ran upstairs to grab a cup of coffee and got railroaded into a one-sided "discussion" about whether or not my wife should wear socks today (I wish I was kidding). Apparently, "what the fark do I care" means that I'm an insensitive jerk.
 
2013-04-22 10:56:55 AM  
gglibertine: .....That's it. That's all. The rest of it is just distractions designed to keep people bickering over minutiae instead of actually spending a moment's rational thought on the subject of equality.

I cannot farking believe we're in the farking 21st century and we're still arguing about asinine crap like this. Get with the farking program.


Hey now!  There will be no rational discourse in this thread!
 
2013-04-22 10:59:17 AM  

Dion Fortune: I've realized that the way to react to "feminist" derp like this is just to not engage with it.  Deep down it's a cry for attention (and page views).


I like to rape it out of the broads, then punch em in the stomach to keep her from being pregnant.

When a woman cries, I slap her repeatedly and tell her top stop with her hysterics, and tell her "one of these days. POW! ZOOM! Straight to the moon!"

Once you've driven a women to a broken, quivering pile of human garbage, you'll finally get your blowjob!
 
2013-04-22 10:59:54 AM  
The author of this article and the author of the piece to which she is referring both sound like insufferable idiots. And those comments: holy fark.
 
2013-04-22 11:01:40 AM  

culebra: insufferable idiots


You are being far to kind to the new wave feminist community.

Also, I just got a letter from Insufferable Idiots of America.  They want you to stop insulting them.
 
2013-04-22 11:03:10 AM  

AngryDragon: gglibertine: .....That's it. That's all. The rest of it is just distractions designed to keep people bickering over minutiae instead of actually spending a moment's rational thought on the subject of equality.

I cannot farking believe we're in the farking 21st century and we're still arguing about asinine crap like this. Get with the farking program.

Hey now!  There will be no rational discourse in this thread!


There's actually been a lot of rational discourse in this thread. Of course, much of it has been what some people don't really want to hear, so they, of course, summarily dismiss it.
 
2013-04-22 11:04:41 AM  

gglibertine: Can someone please summarize for me?


What exactly are you wanting summarized?

The article? - Some lady getting all penis angry because a male psychologist dared give advice to women and poorly writing a diatribe about it what men REALLY want in her opinion.

This thread? Mostly people calling her diatribe utter BS. Not too much going on in the way of "feminazis" or what have you, there's been a few typical fark remarks...

What Men Want? It's different for each man, take the time and figure your man out, but use direct communication using language that means what you say, and not passive aggressive nonsense or cryptic terms with double meanings or deep philosophical undertones. Also, we don't want you being upset because the answer if less than 5 words. Our answers aren't passive aggressive nonsense or cryptic terms with double meanings or deep philosophical undertones.
 
2013-04-22 11:09:40 AM  
My first 5 minutes at home are for my daughter and son.  In that order.  I think my wife has finally figured that out.  If that routine gets interrupted I am in a foul mood all night.  Whatever silly bullsquat either of us is upset about takes a WAAAAY distant second to the kids.  If this moron blogger can't wrap her head around that then she can feel free to date my brother.
 
2013-04-22 11:10:45 AM  

CeroX: What Men Want? It's different for each man, take the time and figure your man out, but use direct communication using language that means what you say, and not passive aggressive nonsense or cryptic terms with double meanings or deep philosophical undertones. Also, we don't want you being upset because the answer if less than 5 words. Our answers aren't passive aggressive nonsense or cryptic terms with double meanings or deep philosophical undertones.


And for gods sake, if you need to decompress by chatting with me, I am fine with that. Please don't disguise it as needing my opinion on something. IF you ask my opinion, and you really just want me to nod and say "that person who did something mildly objectionable is a total biatch"  I will come up with a solution for you, which will involve a rational conversation with the person you're upset over, and then you'll be even more mad at me.


And If I'm asking you a question ANSWER THE farkING QUESTION FIRST.  I did not ask for a story about how your coworkers uncles friends cousins former roomate once asked a similar question and he had cancer of the nutsack and my uncle was such a wonderful man who... what was the question?
 
2013-04-22 11:12:57 AM  
The quoted author and the blogger are both raving idiots.

Who the hell doesn't want a "safe place to recharge and relax"?  That isn't exclusive to men or women.  But who the hell is dumb enough to think that all they have to do in a relationship is just sit around doing nothing and not putting in some effort?
 
2013-04-22 11:14:03 AM  
Whenever I hear the word "growth", I think of some sort of disfiguring skin condition.

As long as I'm way off topic...ladies, we're not interested in becoming a better person.  We're not a project for you to work on.  I've had two exes try to mould me into their ideal of masculinity, and both told me they were just trying to "help me be a better person."  I asked what was wrong with the person I already was.  They didn't have a good answer...of course, that didn't stop them or get them to change their minds or anything.
 
2013-04-22 11:15:14 AM  

YixilTesiphon: Damn do some people like to overthink relationships.

Do what it is important to your partner that you do. Tell them what it is important to you that they do. If this does not work, find somebody with whom it will.


QFT.

And the corollary: If you are in a relationship with someone who needs to interact when you need to be alone, or someone who needs quiet when you need activity, or some similar incompatibility, you are in a relationship with the wrong person and you should correct that before things go any further. They are not going to be that sexy forever. You are not going to be this horny forever. But that fundamental incompatibility of personality types is not going to change,
 
2013-04-22 11:17:17 AM  

Uchiha_Cycliste: Sid_6.7: teto85: 25.media.tumblr.com

You're reading what passes as "feminist critique" among the more modern and less intellectually interested "feminists".

Unlike the feminist of yore, which might have actually had many fine and insightful points to make about how society tends to emphasize and favor the "masculine" over the "feminine" (no, really, guy here, and a lot of feminism is interesting philosophically!), this author, like many of her ilk, have been reduced to complaining about men complaining.

Which, really, is about the opposite of feminism. Hey, lady, how about you stop obsessing over what men say and do, and forge your own place in the world? Yeah, didn't think so, that would be too hard, wouldn't it?

And she's really trying to be funny, but managing to come off as even less funny and more pissy than most conservative "comedians".

Sad.

/and that's what you're reading!

[i426.photobucket.com image 254x192]

\when did feminism stop being about equality?
\\equality is what I still look to create and what my GF and I are all about.


Feminism was never about equality in the first place.

Feminism was about two things. (1.) Reversing the discrimination present against females for no reason other than being female, and (2.) Not only taking over the #1 slot from menfolk, but exacting revenge on them for the past actions of 1.

The more time that has past, the less #1 has meant, and the less the first part of #2 has meant. It's all about the revenge now, and has been for quite some time.
 
rbt
2013-04-22 11:19:07 AM  

LibertyHiller: because I care: My girlfriend flat-out told me she does everything she can to please me because when I'm happy and satisfied I'll do anything she tells me to.

She doesn't understand why so many Western women don't get that.

Ladies, this is how you pussy-whip. Take notes.


My wife made me home-made cookies while we were staying at a hostel (had been on the road for about 5 months at that point). I can confirm this technique works.
 
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