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(Jezebel)   What men want from a relationship is not a place to recharge, nor feel secure, nor where we can be ourselves but a growth experience where the man listens to a woman's every thought and worry and figures out what her facial expression means   (jezebel.com) divider line 377
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12386 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Apr 2013 at 7:16 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-22 07:55:45 AM  

CeroX: Don't forget to follow up with "Told you that biatch was crazy" when she starts going off about how that some female competition at her work is "trying to DESTROY" her...


What the fark are you talking about? You wrap up bags at J.C. Penney's! What's she doing, ripping up your paper?
 
2013-04-22 07:55:51 AM  
Men want to do whatever the f*ck they want to do, most of which includes shooting and harassing people on Xbox Live and none of which includes listening to a woman talk.
 
2013-04-22 07:56:21 AM  

dittybopper: darkjezter: Dafuq did I just read?

Just nod your head, say "Yes, Honey" and "Uh-huh" at appropriate times while just mostly tuning it out, because life is too short to listen to that shiat all the time, and life is too short to say "life is to short to listen to that shiat all the time".  So just act like you care that some random person didn't say exactly the right at the right time to your wife, constituting a World-shattering snub of *EPIC* proportions that is the worst thing *EVAR*, until of course the next minor thing that straight men would totally ignore happens and supersedes it in importance.


Honestly, the best thing ever is the biatch birch.

You have a tree well out of ear-shot. If anyone has some drama, they lay it on the biatch birch. Again, it's well out of earshot, but still close enough to walk to in about a minute. You have some trivial shiat, tell the biatch birch. You have a real problem and need help? Talk to us, your family, and we'll help you. But emotional drama? Take it to the biatch birch.
 
2013-04-22 07:56:25 AM  

miss diminutive: That article was a colossal clusterfark of stupid. Plus, it wasn't funny.

How about we just call a truce in the whole battle of the sexes thing? Yeah, I'm sure at various times each sex has had it worse, and the other has gotten off easier (heh), but in the context of relationships, it's not relevant. Genuine relationships boil down to the interactions and choices between two individuals, not their allegiance to a specific gender. This whole attempt to generalize both sides and shoehorn them into fitting into some specific narrative simply abrogates the responsibilities and consequences that arise from people's own actions and decisions. Or whatever.


It's not a battle. It's teamwork. The shrink cited in the blog gets that. The blogger doesn't.
 
2013-04-22 07:56:34 AM  
 
2013-04-22 07:58:02 AM  
Well, seeing as I've been with my husband for 13 years and he still can't figure those out, I'd say that this article is bullshiat.
 
2013-04-22 07:58:52 AM  

Wicked Chinchilla: INeedAName: In December my wife has a chance to South Africa for 2 weeks. She asked me if I wanted to tag along. I'm leaning towards no.

It's not that I don't love her, or want her around... but holy farking hell, some mother farking peace and quiet?!

I used to think I wanted to feel needed. Im tired of being needed. Being needed wears me the fark out!

You should go.  I get your need for peace and quiet, but South Africa is really, really, really beautiful.  That would be one hell of a trip to miss out on.  Plus, if she is going for something work related, you would still get peace and quiet while she is going through the trip obligations.


It's a two week cultural immersion for her Master's program. While I would love to go, I have off work one of those weeks which would mean completely uninterrupted time for me, and my job kicks my arse so the chance to recharge would be worth it. Plus it lets me save vacay time for something else. And if she loves it, she'll want to go back, and we will.
 
2013-04-22 07:58:59 AM  
We'll, im convinced. Time to lop off my cock so I can be a better person. Who's with me, boys?
 
2013-04-22 07:59:05 AM  
Brilliant piece.

Reading through the bullshiat I'm almost sure Tracy Moore has never had a long-term relationship or a job with more than 30 hours work per week. So let's counter her personal experience with my personal experience. My wife and I are both working in the same field - law - she as a prosecutor and me as a corporate whore M&A lawyer with work weeks between 50 and 80 hours and when we get home both of us just want relatively undemanding company to 'recharge our batteries'. Doing stuff together, outside of weekends or holidays, consists of going running, maybe watching a movie and the other, usual activities.
It may be different with different levels of employment with one partner alone at home for 30 hours or more each week but I guess that doesn't mesh with the 'Jezebel' target audience - which I assume consists mostly of single, frustrated feminists working retail or other fixed-hours-jobs.

Might just be my disdain for priviledged people crying about imagined inequality in general talking but maybe if Tracy has a problem with her 'man' being tired at home, she should also get a job so he doesn't have to support her AND listen to her biatch all day long. This is not a jab at stay-at-home moms, because I respect those.
 
2013-04-22 07:59:21 AM  

PunGent: We have an "Unlikely" tag for a reason, people...


WE have the jezebel tag too which suffciently indecates "Toot! toot! the SS Jezebel has returnded to it's berth, prepare for painful unreality if an intelligent man (the enemy)"
 
2013-04-22 08:00:34 AM  
I'll try some pop-psychology.

I think it's to do with the top two tiers of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. The need for esteem and the need for self actualization. Esteem, in terms of a romantic relationship, is a feeling of being worthy of the relationship. Not a feeling that your partner is out of your league and you're lucky to have her, but belief that all your characteristics - and even your flaws - are compatible with the person you're with. If you feel the need to put up a facade at home, then you haven't really achieved the esteem you would hope to have. Building on the esteem you've achieved feeds is self-actualization - a true assessment of your own worth and living up to your full potential.
 
2013-04-22 08:01:17 AM  

miss diminutive: Martian_Astronomer: // Fark, on the other hand, loves any argument that drives clicks

Speaking of which....*checks watch*....looks like the daily 7:30 train to religious/atheism flamewarville is running a tad behind schedule.



There's plenty of time to turn *this* thread into a pointlessly hijacked gun discussion...
 
2013-04-22 08:01:31 AM  

dragonchild: Please pardon me if I like my essay on gender roles better.


To quote from your (yes, better) piece: "MAN" is the tragically retarded derphead who counts how many (womanly) women he's slept with like it's a score in the game of life, treats everything like a competition and votes for "tough on crime"/"bomb brown people"/"guns & God" because it's MANLY to do so, even if it's clear the candidate is out to fark everything else up -- and farks us all over in the process -- and doesn't care.

Sounds like you need a break from the Politics tab, because you just described most of the people there.
 
2013-04-22 08:02:17 AM  

Martian_Astronomer: I get the feeling she was orbiting around a point, (or orbiting around a cluster of points in one of those mind-bending n-body trajectory problems that has to be solved numerically,) but never actually getting around to mentioning what that point was.


And it was written by a woman?  I am SHOCKED!
 
2013-04-22 08:03:24 AM  

thisispete: I'll try some pop-psychology.

I think it's to do with the top two tiers of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. The need for esteem and the need for self actualization. Esteem, in terms of a romantic relationship, is a feeling of being worthy of the relationship. Not a feeling that your partner is out of your league and you're lucky to have her, but belief that all your characteristics - and even your flaws - are compatible with the person you're with. If you feel the need to put up a facade at home, then you haven't really achieved the esteem you would hope to have. Building on the esteem you've achieved feeds is self-actualization - a true assessment of your own worth and living up to your full potential. Women be shoppin.

 
2013-04-22 08:04:00 AM  
She sounds single.
 
2013-04-22 08:04:06 AM  
Not really sure what this article is about...don't women also want to be able to come home and relax?

I'm ~30 and have found that it is pretty simple, at least in romantic relationships, to get along with men and not feel used. If you date someone who expects you to clean and cook and do his laundry, and give him blowjobs as soon as he walks in the door, assuming you don't want to do any of that, you can stop dating him or you can talk to him about it. If you talk to him and you don't like the outcome, then you stop dating him.

No one will pay me to write an article about that though...
 
2013-04-22 08:05:44 AM  

foo monkey: miss diminutive: That article was a colossal clusterfark of stupid. Plus, it wasn't funny.

How about we just call a truce in the whole battle of the sexes thing? Yeah, I'm sure at various times each sex has had it worse, and the other has gotten off easier (heh), but in the context of relationships, it's not relevant. Genuine relationships boil down to the interactions and choices between two individuals, not their allegiance to a specific gender. This whole attempt to generalize both sides and shoehorn them into fitting into some specific narrative simply abrogates the responsibilities and consequences that arise from people's own actions and decisions. Or whatever.

It's not a battle. It's teamwork. The shrink cited in the blog gets that. The blogger doesn't.


This. Anyone who still sees the individual genders are inherently adversarial has obviously been either dating the wrong people or has unrealistic ideas about the dynamics of a healthy relationship.

Or she's just a biatch.
 
2013-04-22 08:07:14 AM  
What manner of man is TFA about?
 
2013-04-22 08:07:29 AM  
"my car is screwing up again and the problem is in the charging system"

most guys would give a howto reply on car repairs and say what mechanic they like
most gals will give sympathy and comfort and remember you have that big job interview coming up, the wedding, and that the pos old bf said it was a good car.
 
2013-04-22 08:07:36 AM  
re: TFA,  Um, NO

/28 years of Um, NO experience
 
2013-04-22 08:07:55 AM  

INeedAName: In December my wife has a chance to South Africa for 2 weeks. She asked me if I wanted to tag along. I'm leaning towards no.

It's not that I don't love her, or want her around... but holy farking hell, some mother farking peace and quiet?!

I used to think I wanted to feel needed. Im tired of being needed. Being needed wears me the fark out!


About once a year I end up in that sort of situation.

I've never felt bad about staying behind.  The peace and quiet, watching movies without having to consider whether someone else would want to watch it too, even cooking things and having meals which would merit conversations that merit more discussion than is ever really necessary.

When she comes home I'm glad to see her.  I'm genuinely please to have her back in my daily life again.

As someone said it's hard to appreciate someone for what they are when they're there all the time.
 
2013-04-22 08:09:17 AM  

Fromageball: Not really sure what this article is about...don't women also want to be able to come home and relax?

I'm ~30 and have found that it is pretty simple, at least in romantic relationships, to get along with men and not feel used. If you date someone who expects you to clean and cook and do his laundry, and give him blowjobs as soon as he walks in the door, assuming you don't want to do any of that, you can stop dating him or you can talk to him about it. If you talk to him and you don't like the outcome, then you stop dating him.

No one will pay me to write an article about that though...


Actually you should. Even if you fail to get it taken up by Jezzebel, there's some actual publications that aren't run by trolls that might pick it up. It would be nice to see a sane feminist author in the mix.
 
2013-04-22 08:11:26 AM  
There is a distinct lack of sammiches and beer and I expect you farkettes to fix this sooner rather than later
 
2013-04-22 08:12:31 AM  
I don't really get what the fuss about the first article is. The guy was just saying that "guys want a relationship where they can be themselves and not stress out", which I'm pretty sure would hold if you changed the "guys" to "girls" or "women" or "transgender people". Sure, if you interpret it in the worst possible way you can get "guys want women to wait on them when they get home from bringing home the bacon", but you could also take it at face value, which is "guys want someone they don't have to put up a front to".

To be honest, the worst thing about the article being critiqued is that it is shallow and states something pretty meaningless. Some people LIKE challenging relationships... Some guys like caring for their SO and cooking dinner (I love to cook).

I'm pretty sure the author of the critique has lots and lots of issues. I also think the critique is basically politically motivated, as the original article was by a guy who is part of the "good men project". It would be nice if feminists and men who are looking to find the place of men in the modern world where 1950's values are gone could get together and try to understand all this, rather than trying to kill each other.

The 50's values are gone, and for women it has given them breathing room to do many things, but for men it has been difficult as the role of men and what it means to be masculine have been upended and nothing much has come in to take the place of it. Small things are occuring, men taking care of the house is starting to be more acceptable, women are less likely to demand that men "bring home the bacon" - but there is still a long way to go.
 
2013-04-22 08:13:57 AM  
I read Jezebel periodically, it's definitely the site where all problems created in female personalities by centuries of paternalistic (ha!) leadership are glossed over, while any problems in male personalities are smeared with a broad brush onto nearly every man, as if we're all pathological rapist frat boys.
 
2013-04-22 08:14:31 AM  
I like how Jezebel brings out the solipsistic, navel gazing whore in all of us.
 
2013-04-22 08:15:54 AM  
I guess the Unlikely tag was busy breaking up with the Sad tag.
 
2013-04-22 08:16:01 AM  
Advice to young men: The most spoiled and privileged women in the world are also the most whiney and entitled. Before you settle down, visit some other countries and meet a few whose factory default isn't "alimony bomb looking for a place to go off".
 
2013-04-22 08:16:13 AM  

AdrienVeidt: We'll, im convinced. Time to lop off my cock so I can be a better person. Who's with me, boys?


Sorry, pal, you're on your own with that one.
 
2013-04-22 08:17:57 AM  

SDRR: AdrienVeidt: We'll, im convinced. Time to lop off my cock so I can be a better person. Who's with me, boys?

Sorry, pal, you're on your own with that one.


Now now, don't be hasty.

I will also lop off AdrienVeidt's cock if it will make me a better person.
 
2013-04-22 08:19:42 AM  
I need to throw up now.

/dnrtfa
 
2013-04-22 08:19:45 AM  

Oblio13: Advice to young men: The most spoiled and privileged women in the world are also the most whiney and entitled. Before you settle down, visit some other countries and meet a few whose factory default isn't "alimony bomb looking for a place to go off".


bearsrepeating.jpg
 
2013-04-22 08:20:01 AM  
I am happy to deal with life's stresses together.

I am unhappy to deal with constantly manufactured stresses that could have been avoided with a tiny bit of thought, consideration, etc.
 
2013-04-22 08:20:26 AM  
Sorry due to sign of the times/cognitive dissonance I treat women as my equals when it comes practically everything. I honestly believe that this is due to feminism, but hey it's 2013.

Women and men can't have it both ways you can't say that "hey I'm a precious flower that needs love and affection" or "I need a sandwich and a blowjob" and then throw a hissy fit when your projections of man/woman relationships are met with reality.

At the end of the day I think mostly everyone can agree that what we look for in relationships are people who add greatness to the greatness that is already there in the individual, not to add greatness to complete a deficit.
 
2013-04-22 08:22:56 AM  
what's the headline's tl;dr version?
 
2013-04-22 08:23:10 AM  
Wow. If that's what passes for professional writing now then future authors can simply start middle school.

yikes.
 
2013-04-22 08:23:40 AM  

doglover: SDRR: AdrienVeidt: We'll, im convinced. Time to lop off my cock so I can be a better person. Who's with me, boys?

Sorry, pal, you're on your own with that one.

Now now, don't be hasty.

I will also lop off AdrienVeidt's cock if it will make me a better person.


There's plenty for everybody!
 
2013-04-22 08:23:57 AM  

Oblio13: Advice to young men: The most spoiled and privileged women in the world are also the most whiney and entitled. Before you settle down, visit some other countries and meet a few whose factory default isn't "alimony bomb looking for a place to go off".


You spelled, DON'T GET MARRIED wrong.
 
2013-04-22 08:23:58 AM  
Yes, that's exactly what we want. Now, take off your top.
 
2013-04-22 08:25:00 AM  
Jezebel appears to be engaged in a project to absolutely end all relationships between men and women.
 
2013-04-22 08:25:26 AM  

pxlboy: foo monkey: miss diminutive: That article was a colossal clusterfark of stupid. Plus, it wasn't funny.

How about we just call a truce in the whole battle of the sexes thing? Yeah, I'm sure at various times each sex has had it worse, and the other has gotten off easier (heh), but in the context of relationships, it's not relevant. Genuine relationships boil down to the interactions and choices between two individuals, not their allegiance to a specific gender. This whole attempt to generalize both sides and shoehorn them into fitting into some specific narrative simply abrogates the responsibilities and consequences that arise from people's own actions and decisions. Or whatever.

It's not a battle. It's teamwork. The shrink cited in the blog gets that. The blogger doesn't.

This. Anyone who still sees the individual genders are inherently adversarial has obviously been either dating the wrong people or has unrealistic ideas about the dynamics of a healthy relationship.

Or she's just a biatch.


they could firmly believe that they (woman) are Disney princess, and argues with anyone who begins to disagree wit h that understanding.
 
2013-04-22 08:25:36 AM  
QFT:
What men want is a place where we can be ourselves, without putting on the facade that the world sometimes demands. We want a place where we don't have to be on our best behavior, where we don't have to walk on egg shells and where we don't have to pretend that we're something we're not.

We want a place where we can be accepted for who we are and for who we are not!


QF Stupid:
But unfortunately, you don't include any tips for women on how to be the most low-maintenance Betty on the block.

Don't women want the same thing as men? A place where they can be themselves without having to worry about hubby seeing them without face-spackle and perfect outfits? Also, in what way does men wanting to wind down translate into being subservient ... or whatever the hell the author is trying to say.

Plenty of derp in the comments as well.
 
2013-04-22 08:26:51 AM  

ko_kyi: I am happy to deal with life's stresses together.

I am unhappy to deal with constantly manufactured stresses that could have been avoided with a tiny bit of thought, consideration, etc.


Reminds me of my sister. How her husband puts up with that crap....I will never know.
 
2013-04-22 08:29:11 AM  

INeedAName: In December my wife has a chance to South Africa for 2 weeks. She asked me if I wanted to tag along. I'm leaning towards no.

It's not that I don't love her, or want her around... but holy farking hell, some mother farking peace and quiet?!

I used to think I wanted to feel needed. Im tired of being needed. Being needed wears me the fark out!


Mine is in Isreal with her mom right now. Its pure heaven. Its quiet when I want quiet, the beer flows like water, porn is on the computer at all times, the only acceptable food is fried food....
 
2013-04-22 08:29:39 AM  

Skarekrough: INeedAName: In December my wife has a chance to South Africa for 2 weeks. She asked me if I wanted to tag along. I'm leaning towards no.

It's not that I don't love her, or want her around... but holy farking hell, some mother farking peace and quiet?!

I used to think I wanted to feel needed. Im tired of being needed. Being needed wears me the fark out!

About once a year I end up in that sort of situation.

I've never felt bad about staying behind.  The peace and quiet, watching movies without having to consider whether someone else would want to watch it too, even cooking things and having meals which would merit conversations that merit more discussion than is ever really necessary.

When she comes home I'm glad to see her.  I'm genuinely please to have her back in my daily life again.

As someone said it's hard to appreciate someone for what they are when they're there all the time.


Oh, wow. A few times a year, I like to take the kids and visit with my parents for a few days. I know my husband enjoys the break, and it makes me happy to think of him having some time to himself. You guys have helped me to understand how it must feel to him to have that break. :)
 
2013-04-22 08:30:43 AM  

crab66: ko_kyi: I am happy to deal with life's stresses together.

I am unhappy to deal with constantly manufactured stresses that could have been avoided with a tiny bit of thought, consideration, etc.

Reminds me of my sister. How her husband puts up with that crap....I will never know.


Where is your sister on the hot/crazy scale? Because I honestly believe - and have empiric evidence by watching the realtionships of nearly every one of my acquaintances - that this is a real thing.
 
2013-04-22 08:30:56 AM  
That was like trying to read another wizard's spell book, where you just get more confused and crazy the more you read. Perhaps that's what happened to the authors over at Jezebel.
 
2013-04-22 08:30:57 AM  
I'm an introvert who spends all day teaching kids. When I come home, I need some quiet time in order to recover from the massive amounts of energy being constantly socially engaged costs me. I don't necessarily want to spend an hour after work discussing how my day working with kids went and how my girlfriend's day working with kids went. I don't see why this makes me a bad person as the author seems to believe.
 
2013-04-22 08:35:27 AM  
So I made the mistake of looking in the comments.  Wow.  What a bunch of whacknoodles.  I see them all getting together for chocolatinis and biatching about how they can't find a good man but that dumb slut Jenny always get the good ones, but they just like her cuz she likes to fark and cook.
 
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