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(Jezebel)   What men want from a relationship is not a place to recharge, nor feel secure, nor where we can be ourselves but a growth experience where the man listens to a woman's every thought and worry and figures out what her facial expression means   (jezebel.com) divider line 377
    More: Followup, interpersonal relationship, economic growths  
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12386 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Apr 2013 at 7:16 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-22 08:37:16 AM

Sudo_Make_Me_A_Sandwich: I'm an introvert who spends all day teaching kids. When I come home, I need some quiet time in order to recover from the massive amounts of energy being constantly socially engaged costs me. I don't necessarily want to spend an hour after work discussing how my day working with kids went and how my girlfriend's day working with kids went. I don't see why this makes me a bad person as the author seems to believe.


Becuase the world revolves around the female in a relationship and whatever you do or want doesn't matter because you are a 'penis person'.
 
2013-04-22 08:37:42 AM

crab66: ko_kyi: I am happy to deal with life's stresses together.

I am unhappy to deal with constantly manufactured stresses that could have been avoided with a tiny bit of thought, consideration, etc.

Reminds me of my sister. How her husband puts up with that crap....I will never know.


The pussy is really really good
 
2013-04-22 08:38:10 AM
I learned early on with women that you can be right, or you can be happy. Not both.
 
2013-04-22 08:38:12 AM

RangerTaylor: Wow. What a bunch of whacknoodles.


That comment is offensive to euteurpe25 who offered pretty sound advice, I think:

"If you need low-stress, just skip relationships entirely and live alone. Hire an escort when you need your ashes hauled. Problem solved! "
 
2013-04-22 08:41:04 AM
Damn do some people like to overthink relationships.

Do what it is important to your partner that you do. Tell them what it is important to you that they do. If this does not work, find somebody with whom it will.
 
2013-04-22 08:41:31 AM

ko_kyi: I am happy to deal with life's stresses together.

I am unhappy to deal with constantly manufactured stresses that could have been avoided with a tiny bit of thought, consideration, etc.


Nicely put. Somewhat related is the time it takes for someone to switch from "oh no, something bad happened / is happening" to "okay, how can we fix this?" It took me a while to realize that this, for me, was one of the most important qualities to find in a woman: the attitude that sometimes things suck, but as a team we can kick its ass. I think that's why my wife and I get along so well-- the slack is always being picked up by whomever is in the position to do so, and sometimes by both of us at the same time. My grandfather once said that marriage isn't a 50 / 50 proposition-- It's 80 / 80. You constantly have to be prepared to give more than your share because there will be times when the other person cannot.
 
2013-04-22 08:43:01 AM

YixilTesiphon: Damn do some people like to overthink relationships.

Do what it is important to your partner that you do. Tell them what it is important to you that they do. If this does not work, find somebody with whom it will.


That would make for a boring article though.
 
2013-04-22 08:43:23 AM

RangerTaylor: So I made the mistake of looking in the comments.  Wow.  What a bunch of whacknoodles.  I see them all getting together for chocolatinis and biatching about how they can't find a good man but that dumb slut Jenny always get the good ones, but they just like her cuz she likes to fark and cook.


That's where they get it wrong. I like Jenny because she doesn't spend all her time with her female friends, complaining about me.
 
2013-04-22 08:44:31 AM

TeaCozy: Skarekrough: INeedAName: In December my wife has a chance to South Africa for 2 weeks. She asked me if I wanted to tag along. I'm leaning towards no.

It's not that I don't love her, or want her around... but holy farking hell, some mother farking peace and quiet?!

I used to think I wanted to feel needed. Im tired of being needed. Being needed wears me the fark out!

About once a year I end up in that sort of situation.

I've never felt bad about staying behind.  The peace and quiet, watching movies without having to consider whether someone else would want to watch it too, even cooking things and having meals which would merit conversations that merit more discussion than is ever really necessary.

When she comes home I'm glad to see her.  I'm genuinely please to have her back in my daily life again.

As someone said it's hard to appreciate someone for what they are when they're there all the time.

Oh, wow. A few times a year, I like to take the kids and visit with my parents for a few days. I know my husband enjoys the break, and it makes me happy to think of him having some time to himself. You guys have helped me to understand how it must feel to him to have that break. :)


I sort of do this on my own... Couple of times a year I will go out for a week or a weekend of solitude. I get away from everything and do what i refer to as "returning to my roots". To you it might seem like a camping trip, or a fishing trip, or a hunting trip, but to me there's a lot more to it. I go without bringing food or water, and i spend at least 3 days living on what i find, forage, or hunt. I reconnect with my inner cave man. It's cleansing. No modern conveniences, no people, no technology, no talking... My wife knows my plans, knows where i should be in case i don't call or come home when i say i will, and after the first couple of times realizing that i'm not going out to die, she is happy when i go. Because when i return, i get to appreciate not just my family, but i appreciate everything that we have worked together to build. It good for me and us, because when you are in the wild and living off the land, and don't know where or when your next meal will come, your thoughts turn to your family, and returning home to them is motivation to complete the journey, to push just a little harder and make it home to those who have no idea why you do such a thing...
 
2013-04-22 08:45:52 AM
I ain't even a guy, but I've been married awhile.  This is bullshiat.
 
2013-04-22 08:46:49 AM
My wife in unemployed right now. When I wake up and go to work, she's there. When I go home for lunch, she's there. When I get home from work, she's there. On the weekends, she's there.

If the first thing I am greeted with almost every day after being at work is a rant about what 'that biatch at the laundromat said/did/didn't do/didn't say' Then yes I do want her to shut the hell up and no I don't give a shiat about her feelings. I just spent 10 hours doing things that I don't want to do so we can afford our lifestyle. I  want some sort of acknowledgement for the things I do. Not every day just sometimes. I tell her I appreciate the clean apartment and having my laundry done why doesn't the same apply to me? If it were a serious discussion about something important I would listen attentively but it's almost never anything that makes a difference.

At that moment in time the way I perceive the situation is that I'm expecting something and she isn't delivering it and instead she is creating drama about childish bullshiat and wasting my time. That is when I go play video games for an hour and ignore her. I don't do that because I'm an asshole I do that because I have feelings as well and she stomped all over mine. Before anybody asks, yes I have explained this and yes she understood and yes we have gotten over the issue.  Not many relationships have open dialog about that sort of thing though so I can completely see this sort of thing playing out for a long time and ultimately killing a relationship.
 
2013-04-22 08:46:52 AM
The more I read Jezebel, the more I'm convinced that it's actually an MRA site used to discredit legitimate feminism by associating "feminism" with utter and complete drivel.

Either that, or it answers the question "What *can* you do with a degree in Gender Studies AND have a below-average intelligence"?
 
2013-04-22 08:50:13 AM
What men don't want in a relationship?

Jezebel authors/commenters.
 
2013-04-22 08:52:07 AM
I like what Chris Rock said about men:
"Men want 3 things:  Food, sex & silence.  Feed me.  Fark me.  Shut the Fark up."
Yes ladies, men really are that simple.
 
2013-04-22 08:52:10 AM

WhippingBoy: The more I read Jezebel, the more I'm convinced that it's actually an MRA site used to discredit legitimate feminism by associating "feminism" with utter and complete drivel.

Either that, or it answers the question "What *can* you do with a degree in Gender Studies AND have a below-average intelligence"?


False-Flag Feminazis?
 
2013-04-22 08:55:00 AM
Women and gay men tend to want more drama in their lives.  Straight men want less.
 
2013-04-22 08:56:02 AM

comslave: Jezebel appears to be engaged in a project to absolutely end all relationships between men and women.


It's that homosexual agenda you've heard so much about.
 
2013-04-22 08:56:37 AM

mike_d85: Um... Where's the real article? It sounds spot on.

/shut up for 5 minutes when I walk in the door please


If you don't want someone who talks get a dog.
 
2013-04-22 08:56:47 AM
It's times like this I feel really lucky that I found my girlfriend.  She's virtually drama free, communicates her feelings, and doesn't engage in passive-aggressive bullshiat.
 
2013-04-22 08:57:13 AM
Most American women are farking worthless coonts..

And yes ladies! I'm single!
 
2013-04-22 08:58:06 AM

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Women and gay men tend to want more drama in their lives.  Straight men want less.


You'll find that life has a cruel sense of humor, the people who try to avoid drama seem to find themselves in a proverbial drama minefield without trying.
 
kab
2013-04-22 08:58:14 AM
Oh, good.  Another gender-wide generalization article.

Article is bad, and subby should feel bad.
 
2013-04-22 08:58:39 AM
img442.imageshack.us
 
2013-04-22 08:59:06 AM

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Women and gay men tend to want more drama in their lives.  Straight men want less.


pffft whatever. I know plenty of very het guys that are freaking drama machines. The biggest gossips I know are straight guys as well. It's just when they do it they call it "having a beer."
 
2013-04-22 09:02:34 AM

Sudo_Make_Me_A_Sandwich: That comment is offensive to euteurpe25 who offered pretty sound advice, I think:

"If you need low-stress, just skip relationships entirely and live alone. Hire an escort when you need your ashes hauled. Problem solved! "


I've been seeing that advocated with increasing frequency among younger men i.e. still enjoy women but avoid relationships at all costs. I can't say I think it's that bad of an idea although if you're going to go to and escort then fly first class (courtesan) rather than coach (whore).
 
2013-04-22 09:03:49 AM

quickdraw: Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Women and gay men tend to want more drama in their lives.  Straight men want less.

pffft whatever. I know plenty of very het guys that are freaking drama machines. The biggest gossips I know are straight guys as well. It's just when they do it they call it "having a beer."


The difference is whether they observe the sacred maxim or not: don't start no shiat, won't be no shiat.
 
2013-04-22 09:04:33 AM

TeaCozy: Skarekrough: INeedAName: In December my wife has a chance to South Africa for 2 weeks. She asked me if I wanted to tag along. I'm leaning towards no.

It's not that I don't love her, or want her around... but holy farking hell, some mother farking peace and quiet?!

I used to think I wanted to feel needed. Im tired of being needed. Being needed wears me the fark out!

About once a year I end up in that sort of situation.

I've never felt bad about staying behind.  The peace and quiet, watching movies without having to consider whether someone else would want to watch it too, even cooking things and having meals which would merit conversations that merit more discussion than is ever really necessary.

When she comes home I'm glad to see her.  I'm genuinely please to have her back in my daily life again.

As someone said it's hard to appreciate someone for what they are when they're there all the time.

Oh, wow. A few times a year, I like to take the kids and visit with my parents for a few days. I know my husband enjoys the break, and it makes me happy to think of him having some time to himself. You guys have helped me to understand how it must feel to him to have that break. :)


Everyone needs this.  Not just men.  My typical work schedule is 4 10-12 hours days a week so I usually get some random week day off.   I love those days because they're all mine.  I can go get lunch at that place that I love but he is indifferent to or just sit around in my PJ's watching movies that only I like.  90% of the time having him around is better than being alone but you need that 10%.

I notice he doesn't complain when I take the occassional weekend to visit my friends in another city either.
 
2013-04-22 09:06:01 AM
Imagine what would happen if one day, all of a sudden, men stopped putting up with all of this shiat.
 
2013-04-22 09:06:27 AM
One of the worst examples of writing ever. No idea what the point is.
 
2013-04-22 09:07:32 AM
For a serious response for what this man wants:

1. Have your own life. - I want to be with someone who has her own dreams and desires that she is excited about and is working to achieve.
2. Respect boundaries - It's not that you should never call me at work, but those calls should have a purpose and end once the purpose has been served. I also need to pursue my own interests. If it is something we can do together, great!
3. Trust me - I am not likely to be trying to ignore or insult you. Just calmly let me know how you feel and I will try to adjust.
4. Physical stuff - Yeah, I like sex. And, I want my partner to like sex as well. Besides that, an occasional non-sexual touch is great.

There is always the old "Don't ask me questions that I can't possibly answer" kind of items, but for me these are the big ones.
 
2013-04-22 09:08:20 AM

WhippingBoy: The more I read Jezebel, the more I'm convinced that it's actually an MRA site used to discredit legitimate feminism by associating "feminism" with utter and complete drivel.


I hear there not really Scottish either.
 
2013-04-22 09:08:57 AM

doubled99: One of the worst examples of writing ever. No idea what the point is.


"Men bad"
 
2013-04-22 09:09:34 AM

Phil Moskowitz: I like how Jezebel brings out the solipsistic, navel gazing whore in all of us.


Dammit! I got lint in my navel again.....
 
2013-04-22 09:10:49 AM

WhippingBoy: Imagine what would happen if one day, all of a sudden, men stopped putting up with all of this shiat.


A universe-wide epidemic of blue balls?
 
2013-04-22 09:11:01 AM
My girlfriend flat-out told me she does everything she can to please me because when I'm happy and satisfied I'll do anything she tells me to.

She doesn't understand why so many Western women don't get that.
 
2013-04-22 09:11:02 AM
...except that women sure do ramble on about nothing.
 
2013-04-22 09:16:30 AM
Jezebel Rebuttal Template: 1) Ask the most important question in any article that seeks to explain men: "What about *us*?"
2) Mock a man for trying to speak for men.
3) Speak for men.
 
2013-04-22 09:17:34 AM
For the women who complain that men don't listen to them or care about their internal feelings ... Please don't be surprised. Many of the traits that you want from men - the traits that get them laid - are the traits that require detachment and callousness. Get your fourteen year old daughters to cherish being sensitive, patient and caring. Get them to invest their dating and romantic lives and their first sexual encounters to the squeamish, uncertain, uncomfortable boy with zits and glasses in preference to the early-peaking captain of the football team who wins status by dominating others uncaringly.

Most men ape - and then become - thesebecause they see that it's a route to the main form of success that even beta males aspire to - sex. Once a supply of sex is secure, men - especially young men - can grow immensely. Without it- without the approval and support of one lover - growth is tremendously difficult, and basically is composed of lurching from pretended behavior to pretended behavior.

As a young man, this is part of the reason that "just be yourself" was vexing. "just myself" clearly wasn't getting laid or accepted. Why the hell would I want to be that loser? Hey, you know what works? Calling girls biatches and beating up those weaker than myself!
 
2013-04-22 09:18:06 AM
Was there anything in the article about not texting us for hours on end?  My last girlfriend was a texter and it drove me nuts.
 
2013-04-22 09:20:45 AM

GameSprocket: There is always the old "Don't ask me questions that I can't possibly answer" kind of items, but for me these are the big ones.


RIGHT ON on all points.

Sorry but I am a hippie.
 
2013-04-22 09:23:40 AM
I got about 2 paragraphs into that and figured she is not someone with whom I'd like to spend time.  She's probably still talking, too.
 
2013-04-22 09:25:11 AM
Both the jezebel article and the thing it's quoting are nonsense, drivel of the worst kind.

I don't want consistency and routine, they're boring as all hell. Nor do I want a woman to pander to me. I want an equal to face life with and plan interesting stuff, not a slave or an adversary.
 
2013-04-22 09:25:41 AM

rubi_con_man: For the women who complain that men don't listen to them or care about their internal feelings ... Please don't be surprised. Many of the traits that you want from men - the traits that get them laid - are the traits that require detachment and callousness. Get your fourteen year old daughters to cherish being sensitive, patient and caring. Get them to invest their dating and romantic lives and their first sexual encounters to the squeamish, uncertain, uncomfortable boy with zits and glasses in preference to the early-peaking captain of the football team who wins status by dominating others uncaringly.

Most men ape - and then become - thesebecause they see that it's a route to the main form of success that even beta males aspire to - sex. Once a supply of sex is secure, men - especially young men - can grow immensely. Without it- without the approval and support of one lover - growth is tremendously difficult, and basically is composed of lurching from pretended behavior to pretended behavior.

As a young man, this is part of the reason that "just be yourself" was vexing. "just myself" clearly wasn't getting laid or accepted. Why the hell would I want to be that loser? Hey, you know what works? Calling girls biatches and beating up those weaker than myself!


This, so much this.
 
2013-04-22 09:28:22 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-04-22 09:29:31 AM

LegacyDL: Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Women and gay men tend to want more drama in their lives.  Straight men want less.

You'll find that life has a cruel sense of humor, the people who try to avoid drama seem to find themselves in a proverbial drama minefield without trying.


Not me.  I don't like drama, so I avoid people that generate it.  It's a pretty good strategy.
 
2013-04-22 09:30:46 AM
Step 3. Find The Predator's cord.And snip that biatch. Make him yours! Of course you'll now have an eunuch, but what the hell, he's got plenty of CHILL time now!
 
2013-04-22 09:31:41 AM
I love it when feminists try to explain what men want.  It is pure, golden, unintentional comedy.

It is also kind of sad that feminist went from "someone who wants equal rights for women" to "someone who things that men are inferior" inside the span of 1 generation.
 
2013-04-22 09:34:35 AM
I read both Jez & Fark on the regular. Both have some small beautiful nuggets of wisdom, but you have to shift through so much crap it's depressing.

Jez is just point single point about their biatching, Fark biatches about everything.
 
2013-04-22 09:35:05 AM

Sid_6.7: teto85: 25.media.tumblr.com

You're reading what passes as "feminist critique" among the more modern and less intellectually interested "feminists".

Unlike the feminist of yore, which might have actually had many fine and insightful points to make about how society tends to emphasize and favor the "masculine" over the "feminine" (no, really, guy here, and a lot of feminism is interesting philosophically!), this author, like many of her ilk, have been reduced to complaining about men complaining.

Which, really, is about the opposite of feminism. Hey, lady, how about you stop obsessing over what men say and do, and forge your own place in the world? Yeah, didn't think so, that would be too hard, wouldn't it?

And she's really trying to be funny, but managing to come off as even less funny and more pissy than most conservative "comedians".

Sad.

/and that's what you're reading!


I find your post and the Boobies amusing. Mostly because the woman who created MLP is a feminist of the "wow, you're not crazy" variety.
 
KIA
2013-04-22 09:37:29 AM

because I care: My girlfriend flat-out told me she does everything she can to please me because when I'm happy and satisfied I'll do anything she tells me to.


Exactly.  We're much more pliable when happy.

In fact, you could almost graph the relation between my crankiness and length of time since I've been given food, sex and down time.

/ assuming you had a really long graph...
 
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