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(USA Today)   Boston Bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev is awake and responding to questions via writing   (usatoday.com) divider line 85
    More: Followup, Tsarnaev, Dzhokhar A. Tsarnaev, Boston, Michael McCaul, Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, Massachusetts State Police, Boston Police, law enforcement officials  
•       •       •

18426 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Apr 2013 at 9:11 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-04-21 08:48:32 PM
17 votes:
He just drew a picture of Kevin Spacey.
2013-04-21 09:19:19 PM
16 votes:
Do you wish you'd just stuck to smoking weed and playing soldier on Xbox? (Check one)

[ ] Yes
[ ] No
2013-04-21 09:22:41 PM
11 votes:
s3-ec.buzzfed.com
2013-04-21 08:46:32 PM
11 votes:

ambassador_ahab: Stupid Fartbongo should have just wiped the guy out with a drone.  Now he's gonna write literature and recruit new terrorists and we'll all be farked.


Bad news dude.


dl.dropboxusercontent.com
2013-04-21 08:51:49 PM
10 votes:
i140.photobucket.com

/*ding, ding*
2013-04-21 10:18:55 PM
7 votes:

ManateeGag: He hasn't been read his rights!  This is 0bummer's America!  He's going to have us all under marshal law!  Illegal home searches!


i0.kym-cdn.com
2013-04-21 10:02:13 PM
6 votes:
One beep for "guilty."  Two beeps for "double guilty."

upload.wikimedia.org
2013-04-21 10:00:22 PM
6 votes:

JohnBigBootay: American citizen, American soil, not the member of any military. Why would we even have a discussion about a military tribunal? To what end? So he had less rights? Who gives a shiat? The shiattiest prosecutor in history couldn't screw this up.


i.imgur.com
2013-04-21 08:56:39 PM
6 votes:
Dear Darla,

I hate your stinking guts. You're the scum between my toes.

Love, Alfalfa.
2013-04-21 08:40:40 PM
5 votes:
Stupid Fartbongo should have just wiped the guy out with a drone.  Now he's gonna write literature and recruit new terrorists and we'll all be farked.
2013-04-22 04:14:34 AM
4 votes:
Did they catch Zooey Deschanel yet?
2013-04-21 10:50:48 PM
4 votes:
www.charlock.org
2013-04-21 09:43:27 PM
4 votes:

ka1axy: Give him the best medical care possible (Boston is a great place for that) and a fair trial. Life in prison is far worse than the death penalty.

Find out who radicalized him, and send him a Hellfire.

"cleric", my ass.


There's evil clerics. Do you even D&D?
2013-04-21 09:00:33 PM
4 votes:

Weaver95: ZAZ: He's so full of drugs it doesn't matter whether he got his Miranda warning. State courts would not consider a confession under the circumstances to be voluntary.

I don't think we're gonna care about a confession.  we're just gonna strip him of his rights, torture the f*ck outta him, and then kill him.  he might get a show trial of some sort but he's a dead man walking and i'm sure he knows it.


Well I just got a warm and fuzzy, here.
2013-04-21 08:52:42 PM
4 votes:
He's a a stress free kind of guy
2013-04-21 08:51:43 PM
4 votes:
I don't think Hallmark even makes a card for this occasion.

Get Well Soon ...so we can try you in a court of law and send your blood thirsty little punkass to PMITA prison for the rest of your miserable farked up life!
2013-04-21 11:48:39 PM
3 votes:
If it was Charades, I'd laugh. As the cops try to figure out his gestures.

"Okay, first word."


www.clker.com
 "Grip. Grab..............Grope............................strangle........... .......G! It's G!"

"Okay. Second word".

(Dzhokhar points towards his face)

"Nose!.......uhhhhhh......................lips!.........Bullet hole!......................booger!.......................Wait I know. Head. It's HEAD!"

"G! Head!"

"No. Wait. It sounds like "G Head""
2013-04-21 11:07:56 PM
3 votes:
There are so many victims here. Think of the poor widow. She converted to Islam. We should all chip in and pay for her to relocate to Saudi Arabia so she can enjoy the support of her Muslim brothers and sisters.
2013-04-21 11:06:59 PM
3 votes:
We should force him to watch the Khardasians over and over.
2013-04-21 10:56:38 PM
3 votes:
What a tragedy. If only these two brothers had had religion in their lives.
2013-04-21 10:33:40 PM
3 votes:
I wonder if he's going to be talking like this woman for the rest of his life:

cdn.abclocal.go.com
2013-04-21 09:29:38 PM
3 votes:
FTFA: "Meanwhile at the Watertown Police Station, neighbor Gale Boyd brought homemade brownies and Lindor truffles Sunday afternoon and shook the hand of the first police officer she saw."

What the fark, is this a news site or a church newsletter?
2013-04-21 09:21:14 PM
3 votes:
When I think of brothers indoctrinated to an extremist cause...

sa11bgoesblogging.files.wordpress.com
2013-04-21 09:15:15 PM
3 votes:
Perhaps they could import that Chinese nut-crusher lady for a couple of weeks.   An eye for an eye, a nut job for a nut job.
2013-04-22 08:33:18 AM
2 votes:

dkimball: First thing I thought of...no one else???
[www.chud.com image 425x182]


He can talk!
He can talk!
He can talk!
He can talk!

He can talk!
He can talk!

♫   I CAN SIIIIIINNNNNGGG!!!
2013-04-22 01:34:16 AM
2 votes:
1.bp.blogspot.com
2013-04-22 01:16:24 AM
2 votes:

LavenderWolf: I suppose you could try biting through to the veins/arteries in your arms. That would be absolutely excruciating, though


I would put on a Justin Bieber album.  That makes chewing through your arteries almost preferable.
2013-04-22 12:42:51 AM
2 votes:

doglover: The overwhelming majority of terrorists are Muslims.


Except when Reagan is arming and funding them. Then they're freedom fighters, right?
2013-04-21 11:57:19 PM
2 votes:
i236.photobucket.com
2013-04-21 11:50:17 PM
2 votes:

Tozmo: Will Sgt Fury interrogate him?


Kevin "in and out" Brennan might be the man for this.
2013-04-21 11:49:24 PM
2 votes:
cameroncrazy1984: You gotta love how some people are like "America is the greatest country in the world!" until it comes to being scared, then they're like "Our laws shouldn't apply when we're afraid!"


i75.photobucket.com

i75.photobucket.com

fark yeah America!
2013-04-21 11:18:06 PM
2 votes:
First thing I thought of...no one else???
www.chud.com
2013-04-21 11:09:48 PM
2 votes:
Kyrgyzstan has inferior potassium.
2013-04-21 10:53:50 PM
2 votes:

cretinbob: It's amazing what you can learn here if you pay attention. Some people actually know things here.


Now you're just making shiat up.
2013-04-21 10:51:36 PM
2 votes:
I hope they ask him which Pony is his favourite.
2013-04-21 10:31:53 PM
2 votes:

phrawgh: As predicted, Fartbongo is preparing to pardon him.


...and then give him the Presidential Medal of Freedom
2013-04-21 10:26:46 PM
2 votes:

Arthur Jumbles: What I want to know is what have police done with the third man? The naked man who they captured the night of the MIT shooting. How is he related to the bombing brothers? What about the naked man!


The naked man, it's my best move.  Works two out of three times.

My favorite naked man pose is the Captain Morgan.
2013-04-21 10:23:54 PM
2 votes:
What I want to know is what have police done with the third man? The naked man who they captured the night of the MIT shooting. How is he related to the bombing brothers? What about the naked man!
2013-04-21 10:18:33 PM
2 votes:

ZAZ: So no. 180+ people injured is not remotely "mass" in the sense of "weapons of mass destruction."

For purposes of federal criminal law, a "weapon of mass destruction" includes any "destructive device." 18 USC 2332a. A "destructive device" includes any bomb, grenade, rocket with more than four ounces of propellant, and any projectile launcher with a caliber over .50 inches (except for Attorney General approved shotguns). 18 USC 921. A potato gun is a weapon of mass destruction, if "designed for use as a weapon" and used against a U.S. national.


Oh yeah?  Well, the law also says that "mass can neither be created nor destroyed, although it may be rearranged in space, or the entities associated with it may be changed in form."

So weapons of mass destruction don't exist anywhere!
2013-04-21 10:08:30 PM
2 votes:

BrieBelle00: I wonder what they're asking him at this point


Do you really not like hospital pudding? Can I have it?
2013-04-21 09:59:39 PM
2 votes:

J Noble Daggett: wademh: Are you feeling any discomfort? Would you like a Tylenol? OK, this is meant to be taken orally but due to your throat injury, we are going to have an orderly insert it like a suppository but all the way up to your stomach. Shaq, are you ready to administer the pain medicine?

[www.sportsauthority.com image 220x220]
while holding a ball


The Uruk-Hai had a basketball team?
2013-04-21 09:51:15 PM
2 votes:

ZeroCorpse: What if the cause of all of this was brain damage incurred as a boxer?


False.

thefarmclub.net
2013-04-21 09:47:26 PM
2 votes:
From an article about this douchebag: "The friends also repeatedly said that Dzohkar Tsarnaev is a notoriously bad driver."

And according to the Boston police chief, this guy ran over his own brother while escaping and "dragged his sibling's body a short distance down the street and drove off."

DOH!
2013-04-21 09:43:53 PM
2 votes:

wademh: Are you feeling any discomfort? Would you like a Tylenol? OK, this is meant to be taken orally but due to your throat injury, we are going to have an orderly insert it like a suppository but all the way up to your stomach. Shaq, are you ready to administer the pain medicine?


www.sportsauthority.com
while holding a ball
2013-04-21 09:39:56 PM
2 votes:
Are you feeling any discomfort? Would you like a Tylenol? OK, this is meant to be taken orally but due to your throat injury, we are going to have an orderly insert it like a suppository but all the way up to your stomach. Shaq, are you ready to administer the pain medicine?
2013-04-21 09:25:35 PM
2 votes:

JerseyTim: He just drew a picture of Kevin Spacey.


i132.photobucket.com
2013-04-21 09:25:03 PM
2 votes:

ZAZ: BrieBelle00
The real question is state court (life without parole) or federal court (death).


www.radford.edu

First one, then the other.
2013-04-21 08:46:00 PM
2 votes:
it would be nice if all Americans could receive the level of free health care that this piece of sh*t has received.
2013-04-22 06:15:35 AM
1 votes:

ZeroCorpse: My current theory:

The older brother (I'm not going to bother spelling their names) was a boxer at the Olympic level... One that didn't make the Olympics. He also recently began following the teachings of a religious radical.

What if the cause of all of this was brain damage incurred as a boxer?

He got knocked around, something broke in his head, he failed to make the Olympics because of it, and the combination of brain damage and failure at his primary pursuit in life caused him to become open to crazy talk.

What if this event is not an indictment against Chechens, or Islam, or political points of view, but against full-contact sports?

Hmm.


I was thinking along those same lines, but it doesn't sell as well on CNN as 'OMFG!! Muslin turrurist! Sleeper cells!11!!'
2013-04-22 04:25:30 AM
1 votes:
I have a question for him:

assets.sbnation.com

WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION NUMBNUTS???!!1
2013-04-22 02:22:46 AM
1 votes:
"KAYSER SOSE. You'll never catch him."
2013-04-22 01:42:53 AM
1 votes:

Tatterdemalian: //a "controllable" society, yes, maybe one that can be made as free as possible while retaining absolute control over any dissent


If there's one thing Obama has been successful at, it's controlling dissent.
2013-04-22 01:21:40 AM
1 votes:

FitzShivering: Tatterdemalian: Tatsuma: But to willfully torture and inflict pain as revenge? You might call that justice, I call that barbarism.

Same here. Torture should only be used when there is important information that needs to be extracted from those unwilling to surrender it. Using it for revenge is worse than useless, at least for a democratic society.

/not that a democratic society is exactly the goal of the current US leadership
//a "controllable" society, yes, maybe one that can be made as free as possible while retaining absolute control over any dissent

Torture should never be used.  It has never and still does not work.  On the other hand, it gives a great deal of ammo to your opponents.


"Torture has never been a reliable means of extracting information. It is ultimately self-defeating as a means of control, and so one wonders why it is still practiced. The only possible reason must be... pleasure." -- Capt. Picard, "Star Trek: The Next Generation", "Chain of Command: Part II"
2013-04-22 12:07:13 AM
1 votes:
I still think it was someone in the tea party.
2013-04-21 11:50:00 PM
1 votes:
How long before Hollywood makes a movie out of this?
2013-04-21 11:15:45 PM
1 votes:

doglover: HideAndGoFarkYourself: itazurakko: jaytkay: He can be charged by the Feds, just like the 1993 WTC bombers and McVeigh. The news is describing the possible Federal charge as "use of a weapon of mass destruction to kill people".

...which is ludicrous.  It was a pressure cooker bomb.  That is not a weapon of mass destruction.

I don't doubt they'll try for it though.

A WMD is defined, for legal purposes, as "any destructive device defined as any explosive, incendiary, or poison gas bomb, grenade, rocket having a propellant charge of more than four ounces, missile having an explosive or incendiary charge of more than one-quarter ounce, mine, or device similar to any of the devices described in the preceding clauses."

I know the talking heads always refer to them in the context of nuclear, biological or chemical weapons, but that's not how the courts define them.  A strict reading of the definition shows that these people did use a WMD in Boston.

Great! So my ass is a weapon of mass destruction when I eat at Taco Bell!?


I ate corned beef and sauerkraut for dinner, so right now I'm going off like an automatic weapon.

/Multiple rounds per "trigger pull"
2013-04-21 11:14:21 PM
1 votes:

Lionel Mandrake: Can someone here please explain why stripping him of his citizenship is so important?


So he can be sent to Gitmo. Because Jesus. And the Constitution. No citizenship means no trial, and thus we can all sleep safer. Because trials will only make us less safe. And he can't be sent to prison, because...terrorism. And Jesus. We can only send God Fearing Christians to prison, because if you send a Muslim to prison, they just grow more powerful, and thus, to avoid a Super Muslim power level. What stymies us is that so many people turn to Islam while in prison, but luckily, by feeding them Pork'N Beans secretly, we can bleed off the Muslim Prison Effect. And because then we can just deport him, after we leave him in Gitmo for a few decades, and...and...oh feck it...

Yeah. It doesn't really matter. For criminal purposes, even non-citizens have the same rights. Administratively, that is a slightly different matter, for staying in the country, and essentially, it is a move by the pants besh*tted who lack any faith in our judicial system, and who imagine that our courts would be just sullied by trying folks who did bad things. Or have vivid imaginations about what folks could do to a prisoner without any citizenship and some very dark fantasies. Non-citizens may not be allowed to see all the evidence against them, and that is an exception that was made sort of recently.

I find it interesting that folks who have screamed loud and long about the Second Amendment, seem to really dislike the First, and now the 5th and 6th. The Gub'ment is coming for their guns, but when it comes to folks they don't like, then freedom of religion, freedom of speech, and all the rest are just so much excess that we can't fit into their pontoon liferaft...
2013-04-21 10:52:07 PM
1 votes:

HotWingAgenda: Relatively Obscure: Mad_Radhu: Relatively Obscure: ZAZ: So no. 180+ people injured is not remotely "mass" in the sense of "weapons of mass destruction."

For purposes of federal criminal law, a "weapon of mass destruction" includes any "destructive device." 18 USC 2332a. A "destructive device" includes any bomb, grenade, rocket with more than four ounces of propellant, and any projectile launcher with a caliber over .50 inches (except for Attorney General approved shotguns). 18 USC 921. A potato gun is a weapon of mass destruction, if "designed for use as a weapon" and used against a U.S. national.

Oh yeah?  Well, the law also says that "mass can neither be created nor destroyed, although it may be rearranged in space, or the entities associated with it may be changed in form."

So weapons of mass destruction don't exist anywhere!

Actually, a nuclear bomb converts mass into radiation and energy, so technically it would destroy mass.

Er.. no?

I've seen people deny the theory of evolution, but that was the first time I've seen a denial of the laws of thermodynamics.


An object in motion kinda slows down.

In a closed system, energy fluctuates.

For every action, there's a reaction of some sort.
2013-04-21 10:50:28 PM
1 votes:

skullkrusher: awalkingecho: HotWingAgenda: I've seen people deny the theory of evolution, but that was the first time I've seen a denial of the laws of thermodynamics.

I was going to protest him but he's either trolling or literally too dumb to understand fission or fusion, so I figured it would be a waste of bandwidth.

that's bizarre. Especially here on Nuclearphysiciststalkaboutthenews.com


That's weird, that URL redirects to Reddit.
2013-04-21 10:49:22 PM
1 votes:
currieddogfart.com
2013-04-21 10:49:10 PM
1 votes:
I really don't care about learning this douchebag's name. From here on out I'm calling him Jeckle. The dead one will be Heckle.
2013-04-21 10:48:01 PM
1 votes:

awalkingecho: HotWingAgenda: I've seen people deny the theory of evolution, but that was the first time I've seen a denial of the laws of thermodynamics.

I was going to protest him but he's either trolling or literally too dumb to understand fission or fusion, so I figured it would be a waste of bandwidth.


i35.tinypic.com

When I was twelve, I helped my daddy build a bomb shelter in our basement because some fool parked a dozen warheads 90 miles off the coast of Florida. Well, this thing could park a coupla hundred warheads off Washington and New York and no one would know anything about it till it was all over.
2013-04-21 10:30:02 PM
1 votes:
As predicted, Fartbongo is preparing to pardon him.
2013-04-21 10:27:10 PM
1 votes:

Lionel Mandrake: Can someone here please explain why stripping him of his citizenship is so important?


Because we're really mad or something and it's harder to do horrible things to citizens maybe.
2013-04-21 10:19:01 PM
1 votes:

tirob: I hope for his sake that none of the people taking care of him is related to that kid that was killed in the bombings.


His doctors are actually Israeli. So lulz.
2013-04-21 10:16:22 PM
1 votes:
D-R-I-N-K M-O-R-E O-V-A-L-T-I-N-E
2013-04-21 10:11:41 PM
1 votes:
The only question they should ask him is "when we stick ya in the electric chair, ya want original or extra crispy?"
2013-04-21 10:08:29 PM
1 votes:
l1.yimg.com
2013-04-21 09:58:19 PM
1 votes:

AliceBToklasLives: ZeroCorpse: What if the cause of all of this was brain damage incurred as a boxer?

False.

[thefarmclub.net image 236x236]


True
cdn.sheknows.com
2013-04-21 09:57:29 PM
1 votes:

JohnBigBootay: American citizen, American soil, not the member of any military. Why would we even have a discussion about a military tribunal?


Because Bush Administration precedent.

/it'll be a civvy court, though
2013-04-21 09:55:16 PM
1 votes:

rufus-t-firefly: That whole "equal protection under the law" and "innocent until proven guilty" is just silly talk anyway.

Funny how the biggest "patriots" are the ones who ignore every part of the Constitution other than the 2nd Amendment.


You clearly don't understand. We're all John Wayne and we're going to get the bad guys. Judge Jury and executioner.
2013-04-21 09:53:39 PM
1 votes:
I thought Drew had a rule that we weren't to use these guy's real names and had to instead refer to them as some character from The Simpsons.
2013-04-21 09:48:12 PM
1 votes:

NewportBarGuy: Mog32Kupo: Again, he is terrible at his job...
[encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com image 256x197]

Is that Emilio Estevez?


Talentless brother Joe, from the lemon Soultaker.  But one of the best MST3k
http://mst3k.wikia.com/wiki/Soultaker
2013-04-21 09:46:12 PM
1 votes:

Sid_6.7: [i140.photobucket.com image 590x375]

/*ding, ding*


"Dea ain't a word, Tsarnaev! Quit talking nonsense!"
2013-04-21 09:43:55 PM
1 votes:

calbert: it would be nice if all Americans could receive the level of free health care that this piece of sh*t has received.


Just like everyone who gets into the hospital, he'll be billed for the health care. Stamping license plates only pays so much, however. It's not "free," although he'll never be able to afford the bill.
2013-04-21 09:38:56 PM
1 votes:
Again, he is terrible at his job...
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
2013-04-21 09:33:58 PM
1 votes:
D-R-I-N-K Y-O-U-R O-V-A-L-T-I-N-E

Wtf?
2013-04-21 09:31:50 PM
1 votes:

tirob: I hope for his sake that none of the people taking care of him is related to that kid that was killed in the bombings.


Is he in the same hospital where the bombing victims were sent?  If so, I'd imagine that this has been a very awkward weekend.
2013-04-21 09:27:47 PM
1 votes:

lordjupiter: Do you wish you'd just stuck to smoking weed and playing soldier on Xbox know your ran over your brother's body during your get away? Feels? (Check one)

[ ] Yes
[ ] No

2013-04-21 09:25:15 PM
1 votes:
So, he could kill all those others with guns and bombs, but the one person he could not kill was himself.
2013-04-21 09:21:47 PM
1 votes:
Ask him how he would like to die.
2013-04-21 09:18:12 PM
1 votes:
Make sure he doesn't use the pen to stab himself to death.
2013-04-21 09:14:21 PM
1 votes:

Weaver95: Nadie_AZ: Weaver95: ZAZ: He's so full of drugs it doesn't matter whether he got his Miranda warning. State courts would not consider a confession under the circumstances to be voluntary.

I don't think we're gonna care about a confession.  we're just gonna strip him of his rights, torture the f*ck outta him, and then kill him.  he might get a show trial of some sort but he's a dead man walking and i'm sure he knows it.

Well I just got a warm and fuzzy, here.

I don't.  I mean if we're going to bother having laws and rights and all that stuff, then they should apply to even idiots like this guy.  Because if we strip him of his rights then we can strip the rights away from ANYONE.  I hope this ends up in criminal court and not a military tribunal.  that would be a very very bad precedent.


I agree about the rights, but military tribunal...

Do millitary tribunals have to recognize your alleged rank? I could park my car in the highway U-turn lane, wait for a statie to come issue the ticket, declare it a military action and get recognized at the tribunal as Captain Doglover, and viola (or contrabass)! I'm a CO for $300 plus a few points on the license.
2013-04-21 09:05:31 PM
1 votes:
smhttp.14409.nexcesscdn.net
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-04-21 08:45:10 PM
1 votes:
He's so full of drugs it doesn't matter whether he got his Miranda warning. State courts would not consider a confession under the circumstances to be voluntary.
 
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