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(Cracked)   Google explains why no one will be using Google Glass   (cracked.com) divider line 86
    More: Obvious, Google Glass, Google, Virtual Boy, Gogol Bordello, baby carrot, Game Boy  
•       •       •

10014 clicks; posted to Geek » on 21 Apr 2013 at 6:31 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



86 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-04-21 06:34:40 PM  
One rebuttal: 24/7 porn without having to stay inside all day.
 
2013-04-21 06:39:59 PM  

ciderczar: One rebuttal: 24/7 porn without having to stay inside all day.


Maybe they could put in some sort of overlay that will display all of the horny singles and lonely housewives in your area in real time. That'd revolutionize the porn ad industry, and also reinvigorate the serial killer industry.
 
2013-04-21 06:43:04 PM  
Cracked.com started off poorly, was terrible for years, sort of had a golden age in 2010-2011, but is mostly plumbing algernon levels these days, as we all sigh, and wish the operation had took.
 
2013-04-21 06:43:14 PM  
I can't wait until I can get the latest Geico pop-up ad in the upper-right corner of my eye all day long, over and over and over. That's gonna be great.
 
2013-04-21 06:43:45 PM  
I just see those and think of the movie "The Jerk" where Steve Martin's character is sued because his glasses cause people to go cross eyed.

I just see this becoming another in a long list of failed tech products.
 
2013-04-21 06:47:38 PM  

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: ciderczar: One rebuttal: 24/7 porn without having to stay inside all day.

Maybe they could put in some sort of overlay that will display all of the horny singles and lonely housewives in your area in real time. That'd revolutionize the porn ad industry, and also reinvigorate the serial killer industry.


Plumbing, pizza delivery and pool cleaning would see golden ages.
 
2013-04-21 06:51:50 PM  

RoyBatty: Cracked.com started off poorly, was terrible for years, sort of had a golden age in 2010-2011, but is mostly plumbing algernon levels these days, as we all sigh, and wish the operation had took.


after hours and marvels of the science are always good though
 
2013-04-21 06:52:57 PM  
Douches are gone douche, but the problem with google glass is that the user doesn't look appropriately douchey to onlookers.
 
2013-04-21 06:53:52 PM  
Everything I've seen has been pushing google glass as a thing for social interactions.

What I really want is a HUD that gives me pertinent data for the task I'm doing, screw the social media BS.

Let me know when it can do this
www.intomobile.com

For that skydiving one, how about displaying altitude, wind speed, etc.

Do facial recognition on people, bring up info on them, ex the last time you interacted with them, etc.
 
2013-04-21 07:04:45 PM  
Cause its not available yet?  Cause it may be hideously expensive?
 
2013-04-21 07:15:35 PM  

lordargent: For that skydiving one, how about displaying altitude, wind speed, etc.


Yeah, Glass can't do that. If you read through the API, there isn't really very much that Glass can do. It's mostly a notification system. You can write an application that subscribes to events from Glass, so you can respond to voice commands or possibly button pushes, but basically, all you can do is send HTML down which can also contain video.

AR overlays are completely out.

lordargent: Do facial recognition on people, bring up info on them, ex the last time you interacted with them, etc.


Feasible, but probably slower and more socially awkward than just smiling and hoping somebody drops their name for you. Mulva, Dolores, whatever. And honestly, I don't see the point of a feature like that. If I don't know somebody's name, it's because I don't care to know their name. It's nothing personal, I've had some great friends whose names I never actually knew.
 
2013-04-21 07:16:35 PM  

lordargent: What I really want is a HUD that gives me pertinent data for the task I'm doing, screw the social media BS.


That is for those apps from which developers aren't allowed to profit.
 
2013-04-21 07:26:53 PM  

t3knomanser: lordargent: For that skydiving one, how about displaying altitude, wind speed, etc.

Yeah, Glass can't do that. If you read through the API, there isn't really very much that Glass can do. It's mostly a notification system. You can write an application that subscribes to events from Glass, so you can respond to voice commands or possibly button pushes, but basically, all you can do is send HTML down which can also contain video.

AR overlays are completely out.

lordargent: Do facial recognition on people, bring up info on them, ex the last time you interacted with them, etc.

Feasible, but probably slower and more socially awkward than just smiling and hoping somebody drops their name for you. Mulva, Dolores, whatever. And honestly, I don't see the point of a feature like that. If I don't know somebody's name, it's because I don't care to know their name. It's nothing personal, I've had some great friends whose names I never actually knew.


Write an app for your Android phone in your pocket that streams the data to and from the phone. Which is probably Google's plan.
 
2013-04-21 07:35:01 PM  

gozar_the_destroyer: Write an app for your Android phone in your pocket that streams the data to and from the phone.


That still isn't going to support AR overlays unless you somehow have a way to detect the orientation of the Glass relative to the real world- which isn't possible, since Glass doesn't have any hardware that would make that possible. Maybe in version 3, but it's a hardware limitation.

A Glass app can detect when the user sends it a picture, activates a custom menu item (created by the Glass app- that namespace is probably going to fill up quick), or when the user's location changes every ten minutes. Which all your application gets is a notification that their location has changed- your app has to go out and get their updated location.

Glass is quite obviously built as a web service client, and there's nothing in what Google's released that gives any hint that there'll be any easy way to tie the device to your cell phone in the future. Even if they do, the way the architecture is built is that your phone and your Glass will need to talk to a common webservice endpoint.

Long story short: these things are going to suck.
 
2013-04-21 07:39:31 PM  
If there's one thing that Apple has taught us, it's that there is no shorter of douchebags willing to blow more money than is sensible, on overpriced, under-performing tech-tack that nobody actually needs.

With that in mind, I'm sure the Google Glass will sell.
 
2013-04-21 07:52:27 PM  

t3knomanser: gozar_the_destroyer: Write an app for your Android phone in your pocket that streams the data to and from the phone.

That still isn't going to support AR overlays unless you somehow have a way to detect the orientation of the Glass relative to the real world- which isn't possible, since Glass doesn't have any hardware that would make that possible. Maybe in version 3, but it's a hardware limitation.

A Glass app can detect when the user sends it a picture, activates a custom menu item (created by the Glass app- that namespace is probably going to fill up quick), or when the user's location changes every ten minutes. Which all your application gets is a notification that their location has changed- your app has to go out and get their updated location.

Glass is quite obviously built as a web service client, and there's nothing in what Google's released that gives any hint that there'll be any easy way to tie the device to your cell phone in the future. Even if they do, the way the architecture is built is that your phone and your Glass will need to talk to a common webservice endpoint.

Long story short: these things are going to suck.


Since it has a radio chip, it can do WiFi. Plus it would take less power then 3g or other data forms with an Android device. There is your common point.

Phones have a small chip that checks orientation in real time, it is called a gyroscopic sensor. Your phone uses this plus a compass sensor or GPS to find what direction it faces IN REAL TIME! (takes very little energy too) Version 3 might integrate these, but since they are beta testing parts in the hardware that are new or being used for a new function we will have to wait and see. Baby steps make early devices kind of limited in use.
 
2013-04-21 07:54:01 PM  
t3knomanser : Feasible, but probably slower and more socially awkward than just smiling and hoping somebody drops their name for you. Mulva, Dolores, whatever. And honestly, I don't see the point of a feature like that.

Don't mind me, I've been watching too much "Person of Interest" lately.
 
2013-04-21 07:54:52 PM  

lordargent: Everything I've seen has been pushing google glass as a thing for social interactions.

What I really want is a HUD that gives me pertinent data for the task I'm doing, screw the social media BS.

Let me know when it can do this


For that skydiving one, how about displaying altitude, wind speed, etc.

Do facial recognition on people, bring up info on them, ex the last time you interacted with them, etc.


There are goggles for skiing/snowboarding that provide that sort of information.

http://phandroid.com/2012/11/01/oakley-airwave-ski-goggles-now-availa b le/


http://www.reconinstruments.com
 
2013-04-21 07:58:03 PM  

gozar_the_destroyer: Phones have a small chip that checks orientation in real time, it is called a gyroscopic sensor.


Glass doesn't. It sort of defeats the purpose of wearing Glass if you have to point your cellphone at something to get an AR overlay.

gozar_the_destroyer: Since it has a radio chip, it can do WiFi.


That's not the point. The way the Glassware APIs are built, Glass can only talk to Google's servers. Your app can only talk to Glass by going through Google's servers. That isn't going to change, because Google doesn't actually want data going to Glass directly. Remember what Google's core product is: data mining. Google gets nothing of value if you can send data to Glass directly.
 
2013-04-21 07:59:36 PM  
Jammin', I'm jammin'. Jammin' for the sake of the lord.
 
2013-04-21 08:02:34 PM  

t3knomanser: gozar_the_destroyer: Phones have a small chip that checks orientation in real time, it is called a gyroscopic sensor.

Glass doesn't. It sort of defeats the purpose of wearing Glass if you have to point your cellphone at something to get an AR overlay.

gozar_the_destroyer: Since it has a radio chip, it can do WiFi.

That's not the point. The way the Glassware APIs are built, Glass can only talk to Google's servers. Your app can only talk to Glass by going through Google's servers. That isn't going to change, because Google doesn't actually want data going to Glass directly. Remember what Google's core product is: data mining. Google gets nothing of value if you can send data to Glass directly.


You know what else the API's let you do? Root the device and do whatever the hardware is capable of.

\you're an Apple fan that just hates google, aren't you?
 
2013-04-21 08:04:52 PM  
Cracked list aside, there's a viable point here. The people that would wear Glass are the same types of douches that wear their Bluetooth receivers everywhere.
 
2013-04-21 08:04:59 PM  

gozar_the_destroyer: You know what else the API's let you do? Root the device and do whatever the hardware is capable of.


The APIs do no such thing. Do you actually know what an API is? Regardless, the hardware isn't capable of doing AR overlays, my point remains valid. Yes, you could hack the device to do many things it doesn't support natively, but you can do the same with the iPhone, and look at what percentage of users does that.

gozar_the_destroyer: you're an Apple fan that just hates google, aren't you?


Ironic, since this is quite obviously Google's foray into Apple territory.

//I was a Google+ early-adopter. That should tell you what I think of Google.
 
2013-04-21 08:16:47 PM  

t3knomanser: gozar_the_destroyer: You know what else the API's let you do? Root the device and do whatever the hardware is capable of.

The APIs do no such thing. Do you actually know what an API is? Regardless, the hardware isn't capable of doing AR overlays, my point remains valid. Yes, you could hack the device to do many things it doesn't support natively, but you can do the same with the iPhone, and look at what percentage of users does that.

gozar_the_destroyer: you're an Apple fan that just hates google, aren't you?

Ironic, since this is quite obviously Google's foray into Apple territory.

//I was a Google+ early-adopter. That should tell you what I think of Google.


That you want them to have your data. The API does give clues to root and hack devices. It tells you exactly what hardware is under the hood and how to interact through the OS with it. You just need to spend the time to figure it out.

My point was that Google  wants you to integrate this with your phone and will most likely move on to testing the AR overlay with it in a later hardware version. Hell, they have already written the data gold mining software to put on it:  http://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.google.android.apps. u nveil&hl=en It is called Goggles and it works pretty well. Hell, there is another app they have written called SkyMap that would be a blast with Glass and could mine data. All this works and people use it with just their phones. They just need to make sure the Glass new features and hardware work. As I said before, baby steps in hardware development.

\sorry about the semi trolling, it is a little too tempting to do
\\maybe I spend too much time in the Politics tab
 
2013-04-21 08:18:01 PM  

untaken_name: I can't wait until I can get the latest Geico pop-up ad in the upper-right corner of my eye all day long, over and over and over. That's gonna be great.


Pretty sure that Google has already said no ads on Glass.
 
2013-04-21 08:18:21 PM  
"But don't get us wrong here; we're not pulling some surprise ad for Apple products on you." The author then proceeds to gargle Jobs's dead balls.
 
2013-04-21 08:19:37 PM  

lordargent: Everything I've seen has been pushing google glass as a thing for social interactions.

What I really want is a HUD that gives me pertinent data for the task I'm doing, screw the social media BS.

Let me know when it can do this
[www.intomobile.com image 480x320]

For that skydiving one, how about displaying altitude, wind speed, etc.

Do facial recognition on people, bring up info on them, ex the last time you interacted with them, etc.


...and that's exactly why Google Glasses suck. They don't do anything remotely interactive which would be of actual use. A proper HUD like the one you're describing is just too far advanced for the moment being, so the next best thing for them to do is to shove useless smartphone features down our throat into the form of wearable nerd attire.

/Meh
 
2013-04-21 08:21:54 PM  
i291.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-21 08:22:33 PM  

blacksharpiemarker: lordargent: Everything I've seen has been pushing google glass as a thing for social interactions.

What I really want is a HUD that gives me pertinent data for the task I'm doing, screw the social media BS.

Let me know when it can do this
[www.intomobile.com image 480x320]

For that skydiving one, how about displaying altitude, wind speed, etc.

Do facial recognition on people, bring up info on them, ex the last time you interacted with them, etc.

...and that's exactly why Google Glasses suck. They don't do anything remotely interactive which would be of actual use. A proper HUD like the one you're describing is just too far advanced for the moment being, so the next best thing for them to do is to shove useless smartphone features down our throat into the form of wearable nerd attire.

/Meh


I have to wear glasses to see because my eyes are too dry for contacts.

\when will the hate stop?
 
2013-04-21 08:24:39 PM  

"1. You Should Probably Just Buy an iPhone Instead"


You know I was very very happy when Apple came back from near death in the late nineties and I really wanted to buy one of those iMacs that came out in 98. Those were great computers. But now it's just annoying that for some people the answer for any computer problem is "just buy an Apple". Apple is not the end all of computing. Actually I saw someone's Nokia Windows phone and it looked pretty good. I wouldn't mind having a Nokia Lumina as my next phone.

 
2013-04-21 08:24:41 PM  

gozar_the_destroyer: The API does give clues to root and hack devices.


What API docs have  you been reading?
 
2013-04-21 08:28:12 PM  

t3knomanser: gozar_the_destroyer: The API does give clues to root and hack devices.

What API docs have  you been reading?


The Android ones.
 
2013-04-21 08:33:14 PM  
I want to use Google Glass to watch a TED talk while riding a Segway at SXSW Interactive so that I can be a futurist douche while I futurist douche watching futurist douches at the futurist douche convention.
 
2013-04-21 08:39:22 PM  

t3knomanser: Ironic, since this is quite obviously Google's foray into Apple territory.


I have no problem with anything you said in this threat... except this...

What does Glass have to do with Apple's territory? Releasing crippled hardware with a catchy name aimed at hipsters?
 
2013-04-21 08:42:44 PM  

jonny_q: t3knomanser: Ironic, since this is quite obviously Google's foray into Apple territory.

I have no problem with anything you said in this threat... except this...

What does Glass have to do with Apple's territory? Releasing crippled hardware with a catchy name aimed at hipsters?


He's just a programmer. Let him grumble how nothing is as good as he wants it to be until he climbs back in his cubicle.
 
2013-04-21 08:50:03 PM  
it looks so stupid.
 
2013-04-21 08:56:27 PM  

lordargent: Everything I've seen has been pushing google glass as a thing for social interactions.

What I really want is a HUD that gives me pertinent data for the task I'm doing, screw the social media BS.

Let me know when it can do this
[www.intomobile.com image 480x320]

For that skydiving one, how about displaying altitude, wind speed, etc.

Do facial recognition on people, bring up info on them, ex the last time you interacted with them, etc.


Agreed on the usecases.
I'd be all over this tech if it was to be used in a professional manner.
An onboard HUD/GPS for a driver would be a good instance.

But Google is trying to go the social route where it's an unnecessary hindrance.
 
2013-04-21 09:00:58 PM  
I can't wait until it does both eyes, full screen overlays.
 
2013-04-21 09:01:32 PM  
The first three things i would do with google glass

1) figure out how to hack it so when someone looks at a certain object, it would overlay it with a picture
2) every time someone looks at the moon, it would have the letters CHA carved into it
3) replace pictures of my face with the laughing man logo
 
2013-04-21 09:24:26 PM  

untaken_name: I can't wait until I can get the latest Geico pop-up ad in the upper-right corner of my eye all day long, over and over and over. That's gonna be great.


This^2
 
2013-04-21 09:43:38 PM  

enry: untaken_name: I can't wait until I can get the latest Geico pop-up ad in the upper-right corner of my eye all day long, over and over and over. That's gonna be great.

Pretty sure that Google has already said no ads on Glass.


Remember when cable tv said that the subscription price of cable would keep them from running ads?
 
2013-04-21 09:49:02 PM  

untaken_name: enry: untaken_name: I can't wait until I can get the latest Geico pop-up ad in the upper-right corner of my eye all day long, over and over and over. That's gonna be great.

Pretty sure that Google has already said no ads on Glass.

Remember when cable tv said that the subscription price of cable would keep them from running ads?


Yes, I do. I feel old now...

\the Franchise Fees to protect them from monopoly suits killed it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cable_television_franchise_fee
 
2013-04-21 10:18:10 PM  

lordargent: Everything I've seen has been pushing google glass as a thing for social interactions.

What I really want is a HUD that gives me pertinent data for the task I'm doing, screw the social media BS.

Let me know when it can do this
[www.intomobile.com image 480x320]



Well, I have just started playing around with this app called iOnRoad on my Samsung GS3 and it does that - albeit on the phone screen. It's pretty cool, though you need to have a mount in a place you can use it from - where the camera has a view of the road in front of you and is in your field of vision. I was lucky enough to already have an unobstructed mount in a suitable place. I'll be back to work from vacation tomorrow and I'm curious to see how much I like to use it day to day when I'm back to my commute.
 
2013-04-21 10:25:39 PM  
Let's not judge this technology too harshly until we find out about the pet dinosaurs.

images.wikia.com
 
2013-04-21 10:34:25 PM  
www.katyaczaja.com

/Obscure?
//Also, hotlinks.
 
2013-04-21 10:44:37 PM  

ModernLuddite: [www.katyaczaja.com image 640x493]

/Obscure?
//Also, hotlinks.


Really? Did you just call Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy obscure?!
 
2013-04-21 11:29:16 PM  

gozar_the_destroyer: jonny_q: t3knomanser: Ironic, since this is quite obviously Google's foray into Apple territory.

I have no problem with anything you said in this threat... except this...

What does Glass have to do with Apple's territory? Releasing crippled hardware with a catchy name aimed at hipsters?

He's just a programmer. Let him grumble how nothing is as good as he wants it to be until he climbs back in his cubicle.


I'm a programmer, too, and I think it's dumb that Google is released potentially neat hardware that they've crippled with crappy software aimed at marketing hype over function. All the stuff he's saying about the technical limitations are correct.
 
2013-04-21 11:39:19 PM  
The future of trolling....

www.michaeljohngrist.com
 
2013-04-21 11:46:11 PM  

MithrandirBooga: ModernLuddite: [www.katyaczaja.com image 640x493]

/Obscure?
//Also, hotlinks.

Really? Did you just call Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy obscure?!


that'sthejoke.jpg
 
2013-04-22 12:26:47 AM  

jonny_q: I'm a programmer, too, and I think it's dumb that Google is released potentially neat hardware that they've crippled with crappy software aimed at marketing hype over function. All the stuff he's saying about the technical limitations are correct.


I can't argue against the fact the hardware is neat.  I can argue that those who use the things no one will ever want to deal with on a regular basis.  So perhaps they are limiting it is a good thing.

/also - isn't google all about freedom?  except when they aren't - which is the vast majority of the time
//oh wait ... I forgot - this is Apple's fault or something
 
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