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(Esquire)   Esquire columnist's one night stand goes awry because of the Boston lockdown   (esquire.com) divider line 90
    More: Amusing, Boston, Dan McCarthy, Advil  
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17571 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Apr 2013 at 7:31 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-20 05:59:19 PM  
TFA fails without links to pics of her poonani. Or at least a "handy from the roommate" coda.

/the internet, it jades me
 
2013-04-20 06:12:09 PM  
I can kind of relate.  Not quite a one-night stand as we had dated a couple times, but I brought her to my apartment for a drink and a snog, and it was definitely time to take her home...and there was a fire next door, with the fire trucks blocking me in.  For hours.

It was just awkward and we both wanted it to be over.  I think we both realized that if we couldn't handle this, that sex was all we had in common.  If memory serves, that was the last I saw of her.
 
2013-04-20 06:13:12 PM  
Writers' pay would be higher if it wasn't wasted on  crap like this.
 
2013-04-20 06:23:13 PM  
Jeebus, he got laid twice plus he wasn't really locked down as he was able to go grab some coffee and still do work from her place. I wish I had problems that worked out so conveniently well.

So now Esquire hires people to write "How badly I got laid" stories?
 
2013-04-20 06:48:21 PM  

skinink: Jeebus, he got laid twice plus he wasn't really locked down as he was able to go grab some coffee and still do work from her place. I wish I had problems that worked out so conveniently well.

So now Esquire hires people to write "How badly I got laid" stories?


AND it sounds like she was pretty cool about all of it, and might even be worth following up on later in the day. #firstworldproblems, for sure.
 
2013-04-20 07:05:14 PM  

whistleridge: skinink: Jeebus, he got laid twice plus he wasn't really locked down as he was able to go grab some coffee and still do work from her place. I wish I had problems that worked out so conveniently well.

So now Esquire hires people to write "How badly I got laid" stories?

AND it sounds like she was pretty cool about all of it, and might even be worth following up on later in the day. #firstworldproblems, for sure.


Exactly. This could have turned an otherwise literally forgettable one night stand into the best "and that's how I met my wife" stories. She sounds like a keeper.
 
2013-04-20 07:17:11 PM  
Then time elapsed and cabin fever began to take hold. We slipped out the door, contravening the governor's orders, and hustled down the deserted Boston streets, hoping not to get shot by a SWAT team, to go to Dunkin Donuts (if Dunkies closes, the terrorists win) and get some smokes.

Truer words....

\hell, told my friend before he headed to work to go pretend to be a first responder to get freebies
 
2013-04-20 07:34:09 PM  

Flint Ironstag: whistleridge: skinink: Jeebus, he got laid twice plus he wasn't really locked down as he was able to go grab some coffee and still do work from her place. I wish I had problems that worked out so conveniently well.

So now Esquire hires people to write "How badly I got laid" stories?

AND it sounds like she was pretty cool about all of it, and might even be worth following up on later in the day. #firstworldproblems, for sure.

Exactly. This could have turned an otherwise literally forgettable one night stand into the best "and that's how I met my wife" stories. She sounds like a keeper.


Coming this spring:  Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore in the feel-good rom-com of the year!  Two opposites in lockdown find they're unlocking each other's hearts.
 
2013-04-20 07:37:27 PM  

UNC_Samurai: Flint Ironstag: whistleridge: skinink: Jeebus, he got laid twice plus he wasn't really locked down as he was able to go grab some coffee and still do work from her place. I wish I had problems that worked out so conveniently well.

So now Esquire hires people to write "How badly I got laid" stories?

AND it sounds like she was pretty cool about all of it, and might even be worth following up on later in the day. #firstworldproblems, for sure.

Exactly. This could have turned an otherwise literally forgettable one night stand into the best "and that's how I met my wife" stories. She sounds like a keeper.

Coming this spring:  Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore in the feel-good rom-com of the year!  Two opposites in lockdown find they're unlocking each other's hearts.


I'd have gone with Ryan Reynolds and Mila Kunis....
 
2013-04-20 07:38:13 PM  

UNC_Samurai: Flint Ironstag: whistleridge: skinink: Jeebus, he got laid twice plus he wasn't really locked down as he was able to go grab some coffee and still do work from her place. I wish I had problems that worked out so conveniently well.

So now Esquire hires people to write "How badly I got laid" stories?

AND it sounds like she was pretty cool about all of it, and might even be worth following up on later in the day. #firstworldproblems, for sure.

Exactly. This could have turned an otherwise literally forgettable one night stand into the best "and that's how I met my wife" stories. She sounds like a keeper.

Coming this spring:  Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore in the feel-good rom-com of the year!  Two opposites in lockdown find they're unlocking each other's hearts.


That was my thought, this is a perfect as-of-yet unexploited rom-com premise.
 
2013-04-20 07:38:24 PM  
could be worst. At least he wasn't married and cheating on the wife.
 
2013-04-20 07:40:03 PM  
...and that's how he met his future wife.
 
2013-04-20 07:42:46 PM  
http://herecomestwo.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/the-kids.jpg">http:// herecomestwo.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/the-kids.jpg ">
 
2013-04-20 07:43:04 PM  

TuteTibiImperes: UNC_Samurai: Flint Ironstag: whistleridge: skinink: Jeebus, he got laid twice plus he wasn't really locked down as he was able to go grab some coffee and still do work from her place. I wish I had problems that worked out so conveniently well.

So now Esquire hires people to write "How badly I got laid" stories?

AND it sounds like she was pretty cool about all of it, and might even be worth following up on later in the day. #firstworldproblems, for sure.

Exactly. This could have turned an otherwise literally forgettable one night stand into the best "and that's how I met my wife" stories. She sounds like a keeper.

Coming this spring:  Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore in the feel-good rom-com of the year!  Two opposites in lockdown find they're unlocking each other's hearts.

That was my thought, this is a perfect as-of-yet unexploited rom-com premise.


Better yet, they can incorporate this into the last season of How I Met Your Mother. THAT would be ending the season and the series with a (literal) bang?
 
2013-04-20 07:44:07 PM  
herecomestwo.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-04-20 07:45:00 PM  

FriarReb98: \hell, told my friend before he headed to work to go pretend to be a first responder to get freebies

shot

FTFY
 
2013-04-20 07:45:48 PM  
i0.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-04-20 07:47:05 PM  
Sounds more like a booty call then a one night stand to me.
 
2013-04-20 07:47:26 PM  
Amusing piece of fiction.
 
2013-04-20 07:48:04 PM  
maybe its just because I felt pretty stir crazy locked in and watching swat teams all yesterday and can sort of relate to the surreal feeling he expressed, but that story made me lol
 
2013-04-20 07:48:46 PM  

UNC_Samurai: Coming this spring:  Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore in the feel-good rom-com of the year!  Two opposites in lockdown find they're unlocking each other's hearts.


Rob Schneider could play the role of the Dunkin' Donuts employee.
 
2013-04-20 07:49:50 PM  

FriarReb98: Then time elapsed and cabin fever began to take hold. We slipped out the door, contravening the governor's orders, and hustled down the deserted Boston streets, hoping not to get shot by a SWAT team, to go to Dunkin Donuts (if Dunkies closes, the terrorists win) and get some smokes.

Truer words....

\hell, told my friend before he headed to work to go pretend to be a first responder to get freebies


Yeah, 'cause pretending to be an emergency services worker always plays out well. You're a farking tool.
 
2013-04-20 07:53:00 PM  

Glitchwerks: UNC_Samurai: Coming this spring:  Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore in the feel-good rom-com of the year!  Two opposites in lockdown find they're unlocking each other's hearts.

Rob Schneider could play the role of the Dunkin' Donuts employee.


2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-04-20 07:53:47 PM  

invictus2: [herecomestwo.files.wordpress.com image 850x633]


I do not understand why Lyndsy Fonseca isn't a bigger star.
 
2013-04-20 07:53:59 PM  
"I had a deadline at work, so I went out and got hammered in the middle of a terrorist manhunt. My editor didn't fire me, so this is probably all a lie."
 
2013-04-20 07:53:59 PM  
i33.tinypic.com
 
2013-04-20 07:56:56 PM  

CruJones: Sounds more like a booty call then a one night stand to me.


This.
 
2013-04-20 07:59:10 PM  
i105.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-20 07:59:13 PM  
How do you meet booty call women in your 30's?

In my 20's I was able to amass a decent number of booty call girls (not the highest quality, mind you), but they've all either gotten knocked up, married, or moved away.

Now I'm 31 and it seems almost impossible to find new booty call women.
 
2013-04-20 07:59:51 PM  

Flint Ironstag: UNC_Samurai: Flint Ironstag: whistleridge: skinink: Jeebus, he got laid twice plus he wasn't really locked down as he was able to go grab some coffee and still do work from her place. I wish I had problems that worked out so conveniently well.

So now Esquire hires people to write "How badly I got laid" stories?

AND it sounds like she was pretty cool about all of it, and might even be worth following up on later in the day. #firstworldproblems, for sure.

Exactly. This could have turned an otherwise literally forgettable one night stand into the best "and that's how I met my wife" stories. She sounds like a keeper.

Coming this spring:  Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore in the feel-good rom-com of the year!  Two opposites in lockdown find they're unlocking each other's hearts.

I'd have gone with Ryan Reynolds and Mila Kunis....


No, he had it right the first time...
 
2013-04-20 08:00:26 PM  
A decent writer could turn it into a best-selling romantic comedy. It's got all the elements.

Take home message: If you don't like someone well enough to spend a day with them, maybe you shouldn't fark them.
 
2013-04-20 08:01:46 PM  

UNC_Samurai: Flint Ironstag: whistleridge: skinink: Jeebus, he got laid twice plus he wasn't really locked down as he was able to go grab some coffee and still do work from her place. I wish I had problems that worked out so conveniently well.

So now Esquire hires people to write "How badly I got laid" stories?

AND it sounds like she was pretty cool about all of it, and might even be worth following up on later in the day. #firstworldproblems, for sure.

Exactly. This could have turned an otherwise literally forgettable one night stand into the best "and that's how I met my wife" stories. She sounds like a keeper.

Coming this spring:  Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore in the feel-good rom-com of the year!  Two opposites in lockdown find they're unlocking each other's hearts.


southparkstudios.mtvnimages.com
 
2013-04-20 08:01:50 PM  

Roquefort: CruJones: Sounds more like a booty call then a one night stand to me.

This.


Yeah but "I do this often and know this person fairly well" doesn't translate well into an article about "One night stand now OMG I'm stuck with her all day.'

Sad thing is he got paid to write make up this crap.
 
2013-04-20 08:02:34 PM  

anuran: A decent writer could turn it into a best-selling romantic comedy. It's got all the elements.

Take home message: If you don't like someone well enough to spend a day with them, maybe you shouldn't fark them.


Wha???
 
2013-04-20 08:02:37 PM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: How do you meet booty call women in your 30's?

In my 20's I was able to amass a decent number of booty call girls (not the highest quality, mind you), but they've all either gotten knocked up, married, or moved away.

Now I'm 31 and it seems almost impossible to find new booty call women.


Stick with girls in their 20s?
 
2013-04-20 08:05:17 PM  
It's not often that someone makes me feel embarrassed to be a fellow man.

Next, some half-awake hanky-panky. While rolling around we almost fell off the side again, knocking into the nightstand, which tipped over again. "Well shiat," I said, "that must've been how that happened last night."  "I'll have to take your word for it," she said.

she reminded me that last night I had apparently forgotten where her apartment was and attempted to locate her by literally yelling her name in the street. A full block from where she lives, as it turns out.
 
2013-04-20 08:06:01 PM  
That was a sit, but it was pretty light on com.
 
2013-04-20 08:08:18 PM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: How do you meet booty call women in your 30's?


Write for Esquire?
 
2013-04-20 08:09:09 PM  
I know my first thing I do before I slip out the door after a one night stand is check the news.
 
2013-04-20 08:09:21 PM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: How do you meet booty call women in your 30's?

In my 20's I was able to amass a decent number of booty call girls (not the highest quality, mind you), but they've all either gotten knocked up, married, or moved away.

Now I'm 31 and it seems almost impossible to find new booty call women.


If you figure it out, could you share with the class?

/28
//haven't had a booty call since college
 
2013-04-20 08:13:36 PM  

HotWingAgenda: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: How do you meet booty call women in your 30's?

In my 20's I was able to amass a decent number of booty call girls (not the highest quality, mind you), but they've all either gotten knocked up, married, or moved away.

Now I'm 31 and it seems almost impossible to find new booty call women.

If you figure it out, could you share with the class?

/28
//haven't had a booty call since college


I'm gonna work on it... If I make any headway I'll share my findings
 
2013-04-20 08:13:59 PM  

StupidFly: I know my first thing I do before I slip out the door after a one night stand is check the news.


Maybe he fancies himself a 2013 version of Sam Seaborn.
 
2013-04-20 08:19:43 PM  

Bonanza Jellybean: invictus2: [herecomestwo.files.wordpress.com image 850x633]

I do not understand why Lyndsy Fonseca isn't a bigger star.

This. YES!!!

 
2013-04-20 08:21:41 PM  

Earguy: I can kind of relate.  Not quite a one-night stand as we had dated a couple times, but I brought her to my apartment for a drink and a snog, and it was definitely time to take her home...and there was a fire next door, with the fire trucks blocking me in.  For hours.

It was just awkward and we both wanted it to be over.  I think we both realized that if we couldn't handle this, that sex was all we had in common.  If memory serves, that was the last I saw of her.


I'm not sure why you didn't have frenetic blocked in by tragedy last time sex.
 
2013-04-20 08:24:40 PM  

Earguy: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: How do you meet booty call women in your 30's?

In my 20's I was able to amass a decent number of booty call girls (not the highest quality, mind you), but they've all either gotten knocked up, married, or moved away.

Now I'm 31 and it seems almost impossible to find new booty call women.

Stick with girls in their 20s?


Backwards. They think you're creepy. You have to go for the late 30s early 40s possibly newly divorced type.

/at least, my late 20s friend had a lot of luck fishing that pond til his early 30s
//shrug
 
2013-04-20 08:26:47 PM  
Yeah, so...I don't believe Boston was "on lockdown". Pretty sure you could leave your house if you wanted to. You don't think the cops were going to round up and arrest every person outside a building, right?

I realize there's no story without it, but...
 
2013-04-20 08:30:24 PM  

AteMyBrain: Yeah, so...I don't believe Boston was "on lockdown". Pretty sure you could leave your house if you wanted to. You don't think the cops were going to round up and arrest every person outside a building, right?

I realize there's no story without it, but...


Not much of a story with it either...
 
2013-04-20 08:33:08 PM  

AteMyBrain: Yeah, so...I don't believe Boston was "on lockdown". Pretty sure you could leave your house if you wanted to. You don't think the cops were going to round up and arrest every person outside a building, right?

I realize there's no story without it, but...


If they caught you wandering around outside, there was a good chance they would strip you naked on national television.
 
2013-04-20 08:36:29 PM  
HotWingAgenda:
If they caught you wandering around outside, there was a good chance they would strip you naked on national television.

Some people would consider that a peak life experience
 
2013-04-20 08:43:22 PM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: How do you meet booty call women in your 30's?

In my 20's I was able to amass a decent number of booty call girls (not the highest quality, mind you), but they've all either gotten knocked up, married, or moved away.

Now I'm 31 and it seems almost impossible to find new booty call women.


OK Cupid. Works for me.

/38
 
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