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(SFGate)   Ten things not to do in the bedroom - if you're ever able to talk someone else into joining you there (Article not safe for prudes)   (dating.sfgate.com) divider line 27
    More: PSA  
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22994 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Apr 2013 at 2:59 PM (51 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2013-04-20 01:25:33 PM
9 votes:
Everyone loves sexy talk, but there are some thoughts that you should keep to yourself, no matter how relevant they may seem at the time.   Here are a few phrases that you should avoid in the bedroom if you don't want to spoil the mood:
"Does this look infected to you?"
"You remind me of my uncle."
"Forgive me, O Lord, for this disgusting sin that I am about to commit."
"You remind me of my gym teacher."
"Y'know what I haven't had in a long time?  Vienna sausages!"
"This reminds me, I need to schedule an appointment with my proctologist."
"You're much better at this than your mom!"
"You're not quite as good at this as your dad."
"Do you ever feel...'not so fresh'?"
"You had egg salad for lunch, didn't you?"

Avoid those phrases and you should be OK.
2013-04-20 02:50:53 PM
6 votes:
'Talk', subby? Talk is for wimps. Chloroform is what real men use.


/Or begging.
2013-04-20 02:35:31 PM
5 votes:

The_Sponge: FTFA:

1. Don't let the dog/cat sit next to you on the bed and watch you get it on. Yes, he's a soft, adorable fluff ball, and you totally want to give him hugs. But it's just creepy to suddenly look over and see an animal staring at you intensely while kneading the bed sheets with his claws.*


CSB:

I once had a girl's cat jump on my chest while she was giving me a beej.


That's a lot of pussy for just one man.
2013-04-20 04:34:47 PM
3 votes:

Aar1012: Happy birthday, Grandma!


Reminds me of this:
So I was eating out this girl, and I tasted horse semen. I looked up and said "oh Grandma! That's how you died!"
2013-04-20 04:29:12 PM
3 votes:
24.media.tumblr.com
Found this one out the HARD way.

/There was a ceiling fan...
//And for a few mintues I was literally well hung.
2013-04-20 03:23:10 PM
3 votes:
The kind of people that need to read these lists are not going to be helped by these lists.
2013-04-20 03:07:48 PM
2 votes:

The_Sponge: FTFA:

1. Don't let the dog/cat sit next to you on the bed and watch you get it on. Yes, he's a soft, adorable fluff ball, and you totally want to give him hugs. But it's just creepy to suddenly look over and see an animal staring at you intensely while kneading the bed sheets with his claws.*


CSB:

I once had a girl's cat jump on my chest while she was giving me a beej.


My wife and I used to let the dog stay in the room, we figured no big deal, until this one time when I felt a cold nose on my ass.  An UNIA, you might say.
2013-04-20 03:07:14 PM
2 votes:
www.postcity.com
2013-04-20 12:17:06 PM
2 votes:
Don't treat his or her head like a steering wheel when you're receiving oral sex.

Perfect for those tight corners.
2013-04-21 05:53:36 PM
1 votes:

abhorrent1: TFA writer. And she's into anal, guys!

[www.nypost.com image 350x600]


Why is it that these articles are always written by some unfarkable lard-ass?
2013-04-20 06:02:37 PM
1 votes:
Ha ha....love the comments below TFA:

"Don't wipe your dick on the curtains once you're finished. Women really hate that."

"That's what you do to make them scream twice."
2013-04-20 05:07:26 PM
1 votes:
After anal wait until the next day to ask her to switch from extra chunky to smooth peanut butter.

 coreessentials2.homestead.com
2013-04-20 04:53:54 PM
1 votes:

lousy screw: 11.   Don't forget to pay her.


 . . .  a compliment.
2013-04-20 04:44:59 PM
1 votes:
11.   Don't forget to pay her.
2013-04-20 04:40:36 PM
1 votes:
All in all, I think this is a pretty good list.

/By the way, since we're on the topic, I'd like everyone to know that I had sex today, and that I'm pretty happy about it.
2013-04-20 04:39:36 PM
1 votes:
#1 Never take sex advice from a white North American female, whether she's spouting it from the internet, magazine, or tv, this is a woman who thinks her life is like Friends or sex in the city and doesn't know her own ass from a hole in the ground. Want to know what your partner likes? Ask them.
2013-04-20 04:25:25 PM
1 votes:
Damn East German cat kept scoring me low.
2013-04-20 04:23:50 PM
1 votes:
s22.postimg.org

Oh, and she's only on volume 1. 49 more to go.
2013-04-20 03:44:44 PM
1 votes:

cptjeff: The_Sponge: FTFA:

1. Don't let the dog/cat sit next to you on the bed and watch you get it on. Yes, he's a soft, adorable fluff ball, and you totally want to give him hugs. But it's just creepy to suddenly look over and see an animal staring at you intensely while kneading the bed sheets with his claws.*


CSB:

I once had a girl's cat jump on my chest while she was giving me a beej.

Well, your hands were free, you should have been using them to pet the cat, of course.

The door in the master bath back at home doesn't stay closed all that well, so the cat will push it open and demand attention when you're on the john. She knows exactly what's going on in there, but damn it, you could be using that time productively by rubbing her while you're at it.


Absolutely. If your pants are around your ankles, you might as well be rubbing some pussy
2013-04-20 03:26:22 PM
1 votes:
Our previous cat was never around when we started and then when it was over, there was the cat, sitting there with a smug, squinty look on her face.
2013-04-20 03:09:42 PM
1 votes:

The_Sponge: CSB:

I once had a girl's cat jump on my chest while she was giving me a beej.


Relevant gif (SFW).
2013-04-20 03:06:15 PM
1 votes:
So where does the "Rusty Venture" figure in to this?
2013-04-20 03:05:43 PM
1 votes:
11. Reenacting any scene from "Explosive Diarrhea Gang-Bang #12".
2013-04-20 02:14:31 PM
1 votes:

The_Sponge: 14) Give her an "angry pirate"....unless she's into that, and 99.999999% of women are not.


Or anything that has a definition on Urban Dictionary
2013-04-20 02:11:54 PM
1 votes:
12) Tell her that her sister was better.

13) Have your friends jump out of the closet and yell out "RODEO!"

14) Give her an "angry pirate"....unless she's into that, and 99.999999% of women are not.
2013-04-20 01:28:50 PM
1 votes:

FloydA: Everyone loves sexy talk, but there are some thoughts that you should keep to yourself, no matter how relevant they may seem at the time.   Here are a few phrases that you should avoid in the bedroom if you don't want to spoil the mood:
"Does this look infected to you?"
"You remind me of my uncle."
"Forgive me, O Lord, for this disgusting sin that I am about to commit."
"You remind me of my gym teacher."
"Y'know what I haven't had in a long time?  Vienna sausages!"
"This reminds me, I need to schedule an appointment with my proctologist."
"You're much better at this than your mom!"
"You're not quite as good at this as your dad."
"Do you ever feel...'not so fresh'?"
"You had egg salad for lunch, didn't you?"

Avoid those phrases and you should be OK.


Happy birthday, Grandma!
2013-04-20 12:59:54 PM
1 votes:
5. "I'm sorry, I was thought it was an all access pass."
 
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