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(Fark)   I will be quitting my job on Monday. Help me write a funny resignation letter. Don't care if I burn the bridge   (fark.com) divider line 223
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8532 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Apr 2013 at 2:17 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



223 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-04-19 11:04:03 PM  
Grow up.
 
2013-04-19 11:05:13 PM  
"Good luck finding another guy who knows how to empty the deep fryer, suckers!"
 
2013-04-19 11:05:28 PM  
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I quit
Fark you
 
2013-04-19 11:05:36 PM  

middleoftheday: Grow up.


Too short to be funny.
 
2013-04-19 11:06:28 PM  
"I have enjoyed working here very much.

However, I have been offered a job that I think I will enjoy and I will be leaving.

Thank you for all the support over the last n years.

It's been a positive experience."
 
2013-04-19 11:06:32 PM  
Unless you won the lottery, don't burn the bridge.

Roses are red
violets are blue
I set an admin password for all laptops
for five hundred bucks
I'll tell you.
 
2013-04-19 11:06:48 PM  
[Dumbass] Construction worker burns down bridge on his last day at work. Fark: Admits to it in his resignation letter.
 
2013-04-19 11:08:09 PM  

feckingmorons: Unless you won the lottery, don't burn the bridge.

Roses are red
violets are blue
I set an admin password for all laptops
for five hundred bucks
I'll tell you.


This. The world is smaller than you realize.
 
2013-04-19 11:09:24 PM  
Dear Employer and my Ex-coworkers,

It has come time for me to say goodbye to you all. I've enjoyed my time here, all of you are a unique bunch to say the least. I've learned some valuable lessons during my time here, and i can honestly say they will serve me well. before I say my final goodbye, I want to thank every single one of you.

Carol, you've got a great personality, and Tom leers at your ass everytime you walk by. Just an fyi.
Steve, I know you've been going to masturbate in the bathroom every day.
my manager Chuck, it's Jack that keeps stealing the staples out of your stapler.
Everyone in the office, for the past six months I've been urinating in the watercooler before everyone else got to work.

I hope you all lead successful careers after I leave, you guys deserve it.

Subby.
 
2013-04-19 11:13:02 PM  
 
2013-04-19 11:13:24 PM  
Dear management,

Finally you can hire someone who is younger and smarter than me, who you can pay half my salary, and is most likely more mature and competent. SUCK IT - I WIN LOSERS!!!!!
 
2013-04-19 11:18:50 PM  
Don't forget to mention that you've been pissing in the coffee pot for years
 
2013-04-19 11:23:27 PM  
 Unlike Kevin "in-and-out real quick" Brennan, I have decided to quit.
 
2013-04-19 11:24:16 PM  
I quit.  Also, I left a fresh mackerel in the office somewhere...hidden.  Good luck, and God bless.
 
2013-04-19 11:25:22 PM  
You can skip the letter. a nice boxed liquidy shiat leaking out the gift wrap on your bosses desk will send the message.
 
2013-04-19 11:27:08 PM  
d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net
 
2013-04-19 11:39:42 PM  
From my experience, most places will only verify employment upon your exit whether you left on good terms or not.  Don't listen to these people, go out in embarrassing fashion.  Upper decker is a good way to start.
 
2013-04-19 11:45:41 PM  
I had a foreboding dream where clowns were chasing me through the office. I hid in the bathroom. Your bathroom is filthy. Please clean the bathroom.

PS: I quit.
 
2013-04-19 11:48:08 PM  
This has tremendous potential
 
2013-04-19 11:48:11 PM  
Leave an upper-decker in the restroom.
 
2013-04-19 11:49:22 PM  
I assure you, the ducks are not mine.
 
2013-04-19 11:49:47 PM  
...this went green? Why?
 
2013-04-19 11:53:23 PM  

KangTheMad: ...this went green? Why?


It's not even very clever.
 
2013-04-19 11:53:45 PM  

KangTheMad: ...this went green? Why?


Drunk admin. They greened a bronie thread earlier. I support queue retardation.
 
2013-04-19 11:56:20 PM  
We are, indeed, from the same stories.
 
2013-04-19 11:58:31 PM  
I didn't give my last job a letter. I think I thanked them for the time and gave my two weeks notice in an email.
 
2013-04-19 11:59:08 PM  
Don't quit. Just stop showing up, while you work at the new job. Maybe even call in sick, invent a couple dead aunts. It could take them weeks to work up the courage to get around to canning you officially.
 
2013-04-20 12:03:45 AM  

wizden: I support queue retardation.

 
2013-04-20 12:06:17 AM  

thisispete: Leave an upper-decker in the restroom.


Beat you to it.  Check your tank and see.
 
2013-04-20 12:18:10 AM  
This is why I don't come out here.
 
2013-04-20 12:20:10 AM  
Hey everyone,

Thanks for the opportunity to work with you all for the last x years. Even though we may not have complemented each other in every instance-- our lives, and particularly our professional lives, are an evolution of how we best deal with each other to produce optimal results in each others' careers. For that I thank you all and wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.

Yours truly,
Farker who isnt an asshole
 
2013-04-20 12:36:21 AM  
Brace yourself - the liters are coming.
 
2013-04-20 12:41:23 AM  
To whom it may concern:

I regret to inform you that my tenure at $company will end on $date. I have found a company which is not a dog and pony show built on the principals of nepotism and auto-fellatio.
 
2013-04-20 01:01:03 AM  
Hopefully you didn't need that reference.
 
2013-04-20 01:01:12 AM  
Bake a cake and write I QUIT with frosting. You'll only be the second guy this week to do so.
 
2013-04-20 01:07:01 AM  
Depends.  If you bit your tongue putting up with the boss raining crap down upon you, write something like this:

You know how you just had to live life without me doing the worst job in this place for a week?  Prepare to endure it indefinitely!  Which won't be long since I was the only one saving your ass, so your bosses will notice in a heartbeat!
 
2013-04-20 01:34:43 AM  
Yeah, I'm not sure why this went green either. But as a wise man once said, "the threads grow greenest on the other side." It was either Rasputin or Aristotle, I can't remember which.
 
2013-04-20 02:20:10 AM  
Hey.
Weird coincidence.
I am quitting on Wednesday.
I took a look at my life and decided I had a choice
between awful and awesome and chose awesome.

Good luck with the rest of everything.
 
2013-04-20 02:24:21 AM  
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-04-20 02:24:31 AM  
Dear Sir,
I have found happiness.
It is in my rear view mirror.
I won't be back.

Later,
Bye,
Me.
p.s. I left some mustard in the fridge in the break room.  feel free to use it up.
 
2013-04-20 02:25:01 AM  

ElizaDoolittle: And I just learned what an upper-decker is!  That seems unnecessary.


Did someone shiat on your deck?
 
2013-04-20 02:25:29 AM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-04-20 02:25:53 AM  

Sullyville: Hey.
Weird coincidence.
I am quitting on Wednesday.
I took a look at my life and decided I had a choice
between awful and awesome and chose awesome.

Good luck with the rest of everything.


True that.
 
2013-04-20 02:26:07 AM  
Dear boss..

I had a choice, either remain and allow myself to be eaten by a brown bear next weekend or quit... I decided it would be better to quit. It wasn't much of a choice. It was one or the other. Sorry for only one day notice, but the weekend starts tomorrow.
 
2013-04-20 02:26:53 AM  
I'm so glad we had this time together
just to have a laugh or sing a song
seems we just get started and before you know it
comes the time we have to say, So long.
(tug penis, and exit stage right)
 
2013-04-20 02:27:16 AM  
i.qkme.me
 
2013-04-20 02:28:33 AM  
"Dear Boss,

FART.

Sincerely, Fartguy"
 
2013-04-20 02:29:24 AM  
Dearest Boss,

Good luck finding someone who swallows better than me. I faked every gulp. I spit it out afterwards.

Sign,
Mr. Had enough my ass hurts.
 
2013-04-20 02:30:36 AM  

MisterTweak: Don't quit. Just stop showing up, while you work at the new job. Maybe even call in sick, invent a couple dead aunts. It could take them weeks to work up the courage to get around to canning you officially.


That's how I got my last promotion.  Some asshat was afraid to tell my boss they were quitting, and just called in sick for a week and a half straight.  That led to me getting a significant career boost, and they got informally blackballed around town.
 
2013-04-20 02:31:09 AM  
Star of with great joke, Blah, impressed with Blah, Blah, But I see you were such a farking dick, blah, blah, and I know about your wife, blah blah, and I'm glad this letter held your attention while I pissed all over your desk.

Zip up your pants and walk out.
 
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