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(Time)   Updated mid-afternoon discussion thread on the Boston Marathon bombers and the law enforcement manhunt (Link goes to live feed of breaking developments)   (newsfeed.time.com) divider line 193
    More: News, Boston Marathon, Norton LiveUpdate, Secretary of State John Kerry, Boston, White House Situation Room, law enforcements, Chechnya, Tony Blinken  
•       •       •

9973 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Apr 2013 at 4:12 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-04-19 02:46:07 PM
8 votes:

lennavan: seventypercent: What they should do is publicly announce that the suspect has escaped and that there's nothing more to be done, and call off the search. Then the mayor should go on TV and announce that there will be a Mega Wrestling Contest tonight downtown, and that first prize is an all-expenses-paid trip to Chechnya. Then when this guy shows up to wrestle in it (the contest is actually just a fake) they can have Rick Moranis jump out in front of him in the Dark Helmet costume and say "Fooled you!" Then they can cuff him and stuff him, and take any money that he has in his wallet and put it towards a "Dynasty" reunion show hosted by Joan Collins.

It seems they prefer to comb the city instead.


a1.ec-images.myspacecdn.com


They Ain't Found Shiat!
2013-04-19 03:04:44 PM
7 votes:
cache.gawker.com

Keep farking that Chechen.
2013-04-19 02:25:35 PM
7 votes:
What a Green Honda might look like...

latimesblogs.latimes.com
2013-04-19 02:57:13 PM
6 votes:

Skeptos: If there's one person on Earth I wouldn't want to be right now, it's Dzhokhar Tsarnaev.


He's a Dzokhar, He's a Tokar, He's a midnight smokar.
2013-04-19 02:20:04 PM
5 votes:

ourbigdumbmouth: In before the white person deniers show up.


No such thing as white people.
2013-04-19 03:53:50 PM
4 votes:

sybilkitty: can someone repost the link to the picture of the dead suspect?


img840.imageshack.us
2013-04-19 03:23:33 PM
4 votes:
img1.fark.net
i.imm.io
2013-04-19 03:13:48 PM
4 votes:
SWAT here, we got rifles and armored personnel vans.
ATF here, we got the bomb-sniffing dogs
FBI here, we can provide manpower and surveillance equipment.
Homeland Security here, we have blackhawk helicopters and crown tracking software
NYPD here - hey, you guys want some burgers?
2013-04-19 02:40:17 PM
4 votes:
I'll bet sixty-eight dollars that the guy is holed up on the second story of the Ocean Beach parking garage. Even with a six-star wanted level, the police never follow you up there. They just drive their cars into the wall and keep trying to drive forward.
2013-04-19 02:39:59 PM
4 votes:
THE NEW THREAD IS HERE!
i.imgur.com
THE NEW THREAD IS HERE!
2013-04-19 02:37:21 PM
4 votes:
I think the police should approach the door to the house they eventually find him in, knock on it and when asked "Who is it?" Should immediately respond "Candy Gram."

Get's them every time.
2013-04-19 02:36:28 PM
4 votes:
Apparently somebody's handing out TF subscriptions. Just heard that on the police scanner.
2013-04-19 02:34:57 PM
4 votes:

TeddyRooseveltsMustache: Suspicious door open (somewhere). Units headed there now.


How can a door be suspicious? Was it black?

/lulz
2013-04-19 02:19:09 PM
4 votes:

Skeptos: If there's one person on Earth I wouldn't want to be right now, it's Dzhokhar Tsarnaev.


What about Carrot Top?
2013-04-19 03:43:00 PM
3 votes:

lordaction: Evidence now shows that the bomber is an Obama suporter.

http://www.bob-owens.com/2013/04/twitter-feed-suggests-boston-maratho n -terrorist-was-an-obama-supporter/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=tw itter&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+BobOwens+%28Bob+Owens%29

No surprise here.  The lefts commits hundreds of cases of domestic terrorism a year and the media never reports it.


I blame Bush for making these people Obama supporters
2013-04-19 03:37:46 PM
3 votes:

ariseatex: eddievercetti: inert: Robot roll call!

CAMBOT!

GYPSY!


i151.photobucket.com

I got a kick out of that.
2013-04-19 03:18:26 PM
3 votes:

styckx: The father thinks we set up his kids.. Oh dear lord


i.imgur.com
2013-04-19 03:07:39 PM
3 votes:

robbinsc: Guy on CNN can't stop saying "blaze of glory"


Maybe they're from New Jersey.
2013-04-19 03:07:36 PM
3 votes:
WBZ radio just announced the Red Sox game has been postponed.

Good thing the Yankees are still playing or ESPN would be off the air tonight.
2013-04-19 02:54:44 PM
3 votes:
twimg0-a.akamaihd.net

Ramirez! Secure Boston!
2013-04-19 02:44:08 PM
3 votes:

ShawnDoc: Now looking for a Honda Odyssey.


Preferably with leather interior and low mileage.
2013-04-19 02:35:57 PM
3 votes:
Because nothing else makes sense today, CNN is receiving a Cronkite Award. For excellence in fact-checking. This shiat can't be made up.
2013-04-19 02:35:35 PM
3 votes:
CNN just reported that Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.
2013-04-19 02:33:31 PM
3 votes:

CheetahOlivetti: Walker: "Do I look Chechen to you b*tch?"
[i.dailymail.co.uk image 850x400]

Holy shiat, a black ginger!


They have no soul but they're full of soul?
Who divided by zero?
2013-04-19 02:31:23 PM
3 votes:

Agarista: Been on this thread (and half-watching local cbs online) over 12 hours now.  Kinda groggy...


25.media.tumblr.com

This scene has been repeated about 5 times for me now.
2013-04-19 02:21:25 PM
3 votes:
25.media.tumblr.com
Cant stop watching
2013-04-19 02:19:33 PM
3 votes:
"Do I look Chechen to you b*tch?"
i.dailymail.co.uk
2013-04-19 04:06:37 PM
2 votes:
2013-04-19 04:04:13 PM
2 votes:
25.media.tumblr.com
2013-04-19 03:59:19 PM
2 votes:
Glee renewed for two more seasons

the worst farking week. I give up
2013-04-19 03:49:04 PM
2 votes:
Think about all the drug dealers in that area flushing their toilets right about now.

robbinsrealm.files.wordpress.com
2013-04-19 03:44:03 PM
2 votes:

Centerpoint: It was staged.....

http://club937.com/alex-jones-claims-he-has-proof-that-the-boston-ma ra thon-attack-was-staged-video/


God, I hope this kid is wearing an InfoWars shirt when they arrest him.
2013-04-19 03:40:16 PM
2 votes:

robsul82: Uncle Alvi would like to be left alone.


We're so sorry, Uncle Alvi but we haven't done a bloody thing all day.
2013-04-19 03:39:46 PM
2 votes:
SUSPECT ALL THE THINGS!
2013-04-19 03:38:10 PM
2 votes:

iggyskuz: must be the one time black people feel safe walking the streets in Boston and not have to worry about getting stopped by the police.


encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
2013-04-19 03:35:35 PM
2 votes:
i.imgur.comi.imgur.comwww.deepripples.comramblintadpole.files.wordpress.com
2013-04-19 03:34:01 PM
2 votes:
Its raining, the cops will melt.
2013-04-19 03:33:04 PM
2 votes:
i.imgur.com
2013-04-19 03:24:09 PM
2 votes:

netweavr: stanadamsii: They appear to have him on the ground.

They're giving every white male outside a home the full TSA treatment. Don't read too far into it.


They took his water bottle too?
2013-04-19 03:15:48 PM
2 votes:
This is starting to remind me of the Buckwheat SNL skit years ago:

Ted Koppel: John David Stutts spent his childhood here in this modest home in Lima, Ohio.

Ted Koppel: John David Stutts graduated from Unionville High School.

Ted Koppel: His classmates called him "the loner."

Ted Koppel: Stutts was a member of the Key Club...

Ted Koppel: The Audio-Visual Squad...

Ted Koppel: And president of the Future Assassins of America.

Ted Koppel: It's no wonder that his classmates chose him, "Most Likely to Kill Buckwheat."

Gas Station Attendant: [in New England accent] Sure, I remember Stutts. He was a loner, but a real hard worker. I mean, he pumped the gas, he checked the oil, he washed the windows. Nice kid.

Ted Koppel: Do you believe he killed Buckwheat?

Man: Oh, yes, definitely. That's all he talked about. I remember one day I says, uh, "Stutts, why are you working so hard?" He says, "'Cause I'm saving up to buy a gun, so I can kill Buckwheat." [shrugs]
2013-04-19 03:15:48 PM
2 votes:

birchman: fatalvenom: OK, now this little fark is REALLY starting to piss me off.

Bruins game canceled for tonight.

Now that is two games canceled this week with Monday's being postponed to the day after the original last day of the season. What happens now, play two games in one day now??!?!?

Now the Bruins are gonna be completely worn-out for the playoffs, because of you, you stupid little Chechen scumbag.

HURRY UP AND KILL THIS LITTLE SHIAT.

This is why people hate America.


25.media.tumblr.com
2013-04-19 03:13:41 PM
2 votes:
One cop was just debriefed and relieved. Does that mean he took his underwear down and pooped?
2013-04-19 03:00:25 PM
2 votes:
I don't know why I listen to scanners. I have crummy hearing, so it's a mess. I swear that guy just said he wanted to be clear on how they were going to handle the Tastykake.
2013-04-19 02:58:13 PM
2 votes:
dogfort.wikidot.com
2013-04-19 02:57:20 PM
2 votes:
WATERTOWN, MA-Sources are now confirming that no news is currently breaking in the manhunt for Boston Marathon bombing suspect Dzhokar A. Tsarnaev. Multiple witnesses and law enforcement officials on the ground in Watertown, MA have informed reporters that there are not any urgent updates or late-breaking developments to the ongoing situation, and the situation remains largely unchanged. Media outlets are reporting that everything is exactly the same as it was since the last update. Readers are advised to keep checking theonion.com for any breaking updates that may occur.

WATERTOWN, MA-Sources can now confirm that there is still nothing new to report on the search for Boston Marathon bombing suspect Dzhokar A. Tsarnaev. Those with knowledge of the situation are currently telling reporters that nothing has changed and there are no new developments. Reports have confirmed, however, that instead of saying one brother has died and the other is on the run, sources will instead switch that information around to make it sound different than previous reports, thus making it seem like new information is being added. Sources are now saying that one brother is on the run and the other has been shot and killed.

WATERTOWN, MA-Citing exhaustive use of the word "breaking" to preface media coverage of today's ongoing manhunt for one of the alleged Boston Marathon bombers,The Onion is now questioning whether the word "breaking" has lost all its meaning. According to sources, the word 'breaking' has been used over 4,000 times across a variety of media platforms in the past 24 hours and has been repeatedly used to categorize news items related to the Boston Marathon bomber suspect that are not, in fact, substantively different from earlier reports, and thus not truly "breaking" by any traditional definition of that term. Acknowledging that 700 separate "breaking" news bulletins have been published since the beginning of this breaking news article,The Onion continues to wonder whether this word can ever be taken seriously again.

WATERTOWN, MA-According to the latest news breaking from the scene of the ongoing Boston bomber manhunt, sources asked if anyone can ever truly know anything and, when one actually stops and thinks about it, what is the truth, really? While authorities have continued updating the public on the progress of the manhunt and eyewitnesses have corroborated the stories, reporters have to wonder: How do any of us ever really discern what has "happened" from what has "not happened," if indeed such terms are mutually exclusive, in the context of spacetime, or even truly knowable? Furthermore, one could potentially view everything we see and hear-or rather, everything weperceive-as being little more than a string of continuing falsities, one after another, throughout the entirety of our existence. Who can we trust? Is our only option to continue believing everything we experience, in a phenomenological sense, and ignore the true possibility that all that truly is, has been, and will be, is an illusion, a shadow cast upon the wall of eternity? Keep checking theonion.com for more updates on this story, which may in fact only be an elaborate construct of our own collective consciousness.
2013-04-19 02:43:26 PM
2 votes:
Hey, you little Chechen bastard. You don't have to come confess. We're lookin for you.

cdn.sheknows.com

WE GON' FIND YOU.
2013-04-19 02:32:38 PM
2 votes:

learn2fly: Do all you Farkers realize that I am getting absolutely no work done today?


"How is this different than all the other days?"    - Your Boss

:)
2013-04-19 02:28:42 PM
2 votes:
I just need one more of these anchors to ask one of the people on the scene "Have you ever seen anything like this before?"
2013-04-19 02:27:38 PM
2 votes:
If this guy knows how to close a door behind him then these cops are all going to be royally farked....

"Um... there are no more open doors... what do we do?"
2013-04-19 02:26:30 PM
2 votes:
revmikewilliams.org
2013-04-19 02:24:36 PM
2 votes:
cbsnewyork.files.wordpress.com

god damn it.
2013-04-19 02:24:32 PM
2 votes:

bowtiesheep: Grobbley: [i.imgur.com image 850x198]

Well if that ain't the biggest bowl off bullshiat soup i've ever seen...


i208.photobucket.com
2013-04-19 02:23:40 PM
2 votes:
Anyone tweeted his dead brother's pic to his twitter account, saying, "Nice driving, asshole!" yet?
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-04-19 02:22:23 PM
2 votes:

JonnyG: I've got lots of wool here. Anybody else need some to put over their eyes?


no. go clean the lenses.

encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
2013-04-19 02:18:58 PM
2 votes:
Updated badge:

lh4.googleusercontent.com

/check older threads for initial badges
2013-04-19 04:12:40 PM
1 votes:
i.imgur.com
2013-04-19 04:10:57 PM
1 votes:

lunchinlewis: Mugato: This is some scary shiat. Not the bombers but the fact that they shut down the entire city and cops are beating down doors and searching attics and basements Helen Keller style.

Have you ever seen Helen Keller searching a basement?


Neither has she.
2013-04-19 04:09:39 PM
1 votes:

Mugato: This is some scary shiat. Not the bombers but the fact that they shut down the entire city and cops are beating down doors and searching attics and basements Helen Keller style.


Have you ever seen Helen Keller searching a basement?
2013-04-19 04:05:46 PM
1 votes:

Tatsuma: the worst blow to American-Canadian relations since the burning of the White House.


There are days when I wish the Canadians would do that again.
2013-04-19 04:05:36 PM
1 votes:

mrshowrules: what_now: I'm boooored. :(


This isn't interesting, nothing is happening, but I can't stop and watch a west wing marathon incase something happens.

tips to make it more entertaining.

1) post a rumour
2) wild speculation
3) troll someone
4) link the subject to an issue of interest to you (abortion, gun control, the middle-east)

I wish there were more pics of his gf's rack.
2013-04-19 04:03:13 PM
1 votes:

star_topology: hutchkc: Abzzstain: So the police get a free pass to barge in without a search warrant and toss every



<snip>

 The first time it happened I was at my neighbors and his roommate was smoking a bowel when they went through.  Not a word about it.


Ew.

LOL, at least it was a funny typo.
2013-04-19 03:56:35 PM
1 votes:

from my blood: Open acceptance of martial law.

And so it begins.


www.questionablecontent.net
2013-04-19 03:51:15 PM
1 votes:

skinink: Police have released a picture of the kid's father:
[img580.imageshack.us image 577x750]


Nah.  This is the kid's father:

i78.photobucket.com

Let's see if he can dodge bullets like his dear ol' dad.
2013-04-19 03:50:35 PM
1 votes:

robbinsc: Anyone ever buy a Wraptastic?


They aren't as good as Durex
2013-04-19 03:48:06 PM
1 votes:

ariseatex: For someone raised to hate this country and our tolerance of female sexuality, he sure has his hands pretty far up that girl's torso on the prom pic going around.


I'm pretty sure he doesn't mind the two huge piles of female sexuality right there, no.
2013-04-19 03:47:12 PM
1 votes:

Tommy Moo: No more stories about how these two were "good kids" or how it's "so shocking" that these "peaceful" young men could commit such a strange act. There's no longer any ambiguity. These are two more people poisoned by their religion to commit the exact kind of evil that is consistent with the teachings of their holy text. They grew to hate this country because of our tolerance of homosexuality and female sexuality. They terrorized us as a favor, to scare us onto a path of righteousness that they believed would point us toward salvation. This is your brain on Islam.


For someone raised to hate this country and our tolerance of female sexuality, he sure has his hands pretty far up that girl's torso on the prom pic going around.
2013-04-19 03:46:55 PM
1 votes:

hutchkc: Abzzstain: So the police get a free pass to barge in without a search warrant and toss every farking house in Boston if they want. If you're not home they'll let themselves in.

I realize they've got to find the guy, but this seems like overkill and not exactly constitutional. I suspect police all over the country will be using this convenient tactic now whenever there's a fugitive.

If they are searching house to house, they knock on the door and ask to search.  The people are allowing it.  The cop casually walks through your house just to see if there is someone there.  Had that happen a couple times.  They spend all of like 2 minutes in your house.  Not unconstitutional and they don't care about jack shiat except the person they are looking for.  The first time it happened I was at my neighbors and his roommate was smoking a <b>bowel</b> when they went through.  Not a word about it.


Hands-down nastiest thing I've heard in the last hour
2013-04-19 03:46:49 PM
1 votes:

hutchkc: The first time it happened I was at my neighbors and his roommate was smoking a bowel when they went through.


You know that whole jenkem thing was just a hoax, right? ;)
2013-04-19 03:46:43 PM
1 votes:
Troopah Sully can you repeat yo-ah ho-ahs?
2013-04-19 03:46:22 PM
1 votes:

The Life Of Brian: eddievercetti: Who's Joe and why should I care about him?

Scanner joke...Listen or be left out


Any escape might help to smooth the unattractive truth, but the suburbs have no charms to soothe the restless dreams of youth...
2013-04-19 03:46:05 PM
1 votes:
City on lockdown. I wonder what's gonna happen 9 months from now.
2013-04-19 03:44:51 PM
1 votes:

hutchkc: Abzzstain: So the police get a free pass to barge in without a search warrant and toss every farking house in Boston if they want. If you're not home they'll let themselves in.

I realize they've got to find the guy, but this seems like overkill and not exactly constitutional. I suspect police all over the country will be using this convenient tactic now whenever there's a fugitive.

If they are searching house to house, they knock on the door and ask to search.  The people are allowing it.  The cop casually walks through your house just to see if there is someone there.  Had that happen a couple times.  They spend all of like 2 minutes in your house.  Not unconstitutional and they don't care about jack shiat except the person they are looking for.  The first time it happened I was at my neighbors and his roommate was smoking a bowel when they went through.  Not a word about it.


Ew.
2013-04-19 03:44:23 PM
1 votes:

TheManofPA: pdkl95: Wow. Such a charlie-foxtrot. Way to give in in to terrorism, America. Now everybody is going to copycat this mess, now that they've seen how easy it is to scare us into shutting down our own city.

It's from earlier in the week, but I highly recommend t">this essay by noted security expert Bruce Schneier on how important it is to refuse to be terrorized. Or, as Douglass Adams put it... "Don't Panic".

Easy for you to say, you didn't leave home without your towel


Thanks for reminding me. I wanted to make some Pan-Galactic Gargle-Blasters for the open mic drinking game.
2013-04-19 03:43:40 PM
1 votes:

Grand_Moff_Joseph: Scanner:  suspicious vehicle at Beth Israel hospital parking garage!


What would that be, a Volkswagen?
2013-04-19 03:42:20 PM
1 votes:

Walker: ModernPrimitive01: can they arrest someone for just being out on the street?

Sure. And strip them naked in front of the whole neighborhood and news crews.
[pbs.twimg.com image 567x374]


I don't know why they blurred such a large area, considering the cops said he wasn't packing.
2013-04-19 03:40:35 PM
1 votes:

styckx: CNN said if these guys knock on your door and you're not home they have ways of entering


Wow, the cops nowadays are SO much more high tech then when I was a kid. Back then, if they encountered a locked door, they had to call in help.
2013-04-19 03:39:46 PM
1 votes:
Some MIT student's project is about to undergo a stress test.
2013-04-19 03:39:32 PM
1 votes:

pdkl95: Wow. Such a charlie-foxtrot. Way to give in in to terrorism, America. Now everybody is going to copycat this mess, now that they've seen how easy it is to scare us into shutting down our own city.

It's from earlier in the week, but I highly recommend t">this essay by noted security expert Bruce Schneier on how important it is to refuse to be terrorized. Or, as Douglass Adams put it... "Don't Panic".


Easy for you to say, you didn't leave home without your towel
2013-04-19 03:38:56 PM
1 votes:
Suspects' uncle is straddling the line between "helpful" and "I don't speak English".
2013-04-19 03:37:51 PM
1 votes:

Head_Shot: WalkingCarpet: Send in THE BIDEN

It's not quite that extreme. No blazing guns or IEDs yet. Hold on the Biden. I SAY HOLD ON THE BIDEN!


Too late, he's on the scene

i.imgur.com
2013-04-19 03:37:15 PM
1 votes:

Celerian: darth_badger: ariseatex: eddievercetti: inert: Robot roll call!

CAMBOT!

GYPSY!

CROOOOOOOOW!

Agarista: ariseatex: eddievercetti: inert: Robot roll call!

CAMBOT!

GYPSY!

CROOOOOOOOW

Esxcellent simupost. You guys forgot Tom Servo.


WIN for simupost, FAIL for forgetting Servo.

Speaking of which...ENNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDD ENNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDD!
2013-04-19 03:34:50 PM
1 votes:

NightOwl2255: This would be a great time for the Jackass crew to pull a funny stunt. I'm sure the Boston police would appreciate a good laugh.


Got any Lite-Brites?
2013-04-19 03:34:33 PM
1 votes:

Tatsuma: Just read on WCVB live feed that they have military hell cops on the scene, shiat is getting real


Did they came from the Devil's Pit tour?.
2013-04-19 03:32:44 PM
1 votes:
Close the open mic!

mimg.ugo.com
2013-04-19 03:31:44 PM
1 votes:
Negative "bad guy" at Hazle and Howe.  "Civilian" being questioned on why he's outside.
2013-04-19 03:31:00 PM
1 votes:
img1.fark.netwww.obviouswinner.comi.imgur.com
2013-04-19 03:30:53 PM
1 votes:

ariseatex: eddievercetti: inert: Robot roll call!

CAMBOT!

GYPSY!


CROOOOOOOOW
2013-04-19 03:30:53 PM
1 votes:

ariseatex: eddievercetti: inert: Robot roll call!

CAMBOT!

GYPSY!


CROOOOOOOOW!
2013-04-19 03:30:23 PM
1 votes:

Tatsuma: Just read on WCVB live feed that they have military hell cops on the scene, shiat is getting real


img2-3.timeinc.net
2013-04-19 03:29:08 PM
1 votes:
For shiat's sake, watch your goddamn mic!
2013-04-19 03:28:28 PM
1 votes:
Joe Boyle, paging Joe...Naw, let page MIC Hunt!
2013-04-19 03:28:18 PM
1 votes:
Other classmates saw the kid going to the gym after the bombing?

"Dropped the bomb.  Have to be at the gym in 26 minutes."
2013-04-19 03:27:04 PM
1 votes:
Open Mic is back!
2013-04-19 03:26:37 PM
1 votes:

Treygreen13: YoungSwedishBlonde: So someone needs to explain this to me.

With the entirety of the USA looking for you having bombed the Boston Marathon, why would you go knock off a 7/11?

Trying to obtain money with which to travel outside the area you're being looked for in?


They had the rest of the attack planned, but they didn't have $30 for a Greyhound ticket? I agree, this is stupid, as taught at the PhD level...
2013-04-19 03:21:58 PM
1 votes:
http://twitter.com/Stallone/status/325266622883430401

Everyone breathe, Frank Stallone has weighed in!
2013-04-19 03:20:58 PM
1 votes:
I laughed very hard at that....years ago is decades now though.....yes, I watched that live....

AGremlin: This is starting to remind me of the Buckwheat SNL skit years ago:

Ted Koppel: John David Stutts spent his childhood here in this modest home in Lima, Ohio.

Ted Koppel: John David Stutts graduated from Unionville High School.

Ted Koppel: His classmates called him "the loner."

Ted Koppel: Stutts was a member of the Key Club...

Ted Koppel: The Audio-Visual Squad...

Ted Koppel: And president of the Future Assassins of America.

Ted Koppel: It's no wonder that his classmates chose him, "Most Likely to Kill Buckwheat."

Gas Station Attendant: [in New England accent] Sure, I remember Stutts. He was a loner, but a real hard worker. I mean, he pumped the gas, he checked the oil, he washed the windows. Nice kid.

Ted Koppel: Do you believe he killed Buckwheat?

Man: Oh, yes, definitely. That's all he talked about. I remember one day I says, uh, "Stutts, why are you working so hard?" He says, "'Cause I'm saving up to buy a gun, so I can kill Buckwheat." [shrugs]

2013-04-19 03:20:20 PM
1 votes:

Hyperbolic Hyperbole: Tman144: How the fark did this guy get away? They had him. Do they not have helicopters in MA?

the weather was soupy


The night was sultry

encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
2013-04-19 03:20:13 PM
1 votes:
he's definitely hiding under someone's moss covered three handled family gredunza. those things have a lot of space.
2013-04-19 03:19:37 PM
1 votes:
Go ahead, get high on 4/20.  I dare you.pbs.twimg.com
2013-04-19 03:16:25 PM
1 votes:

Danger Avoid Death: WTF are "Muslim style shoes?"

/from the scanner.


ecwfrenchtribute.free.fr

Personal gift from Saddam Hussein, you know!
2013-04-19 03:16:20 PM
1 votes:

Bullseyed: ourbigdumbmouth: In before the white person deniers show up.

They're one country north of Arabia, so suddenly they're white.


Actually, Chechnya is north of Iran, which is not Arabic. Between Chechnya and Iran are Georgia, Armenia and Azerbaijan - none of which are Arabic. Oh, and they're also NE of Turkey, which is also not Arabic.

But other than those little details, you're spot-on.

And, as a bonus,  Chechnya contains part of the Caucasus Mountains.

"Caucasus" is where we get the word "Caucasian."

www.portlandmercury.com
2013-04-19 03:15:26 PM
1 votes:
www.burgertime.info
2013-04-19 03:15:01 PM
1 votes:

Tatsuma: Tellingthem: That's cool though...well except for the virgin part.

For a while it was like, his grand-niece or something, too.


You forgot his obsession about bowel movements, too.
2013-04-19 03:14:46 PM
1 votes:
what if the jokes on us and the guy streaming the scanner is really the bomber?
2013-04-19 03:14:21 PM
1 votes:

Danger Avoid Death: WTF are "Muslim style shoes?"

/from the scanner.


www.diggingthedirt.com
/hot like the fashion
2013-04-19 03:13:22 PM
1 votes:
I've gotta feel semi-sorry for any drug dealers and low lifes in the neighborhood.  You don't expect to have your meth-lab caught up in a door to door search for a bomber.
2013-04-19 03:12:37 PM
1 votes:

styckx: In the grand scheme of things.. Is this the biggest manhunt we've had on U.S. soil in terms of the sheer amount of manpower, agencies, and vehicles involved? I can't recall anything this massive before..


That's what she said!
2013-04-19 03:12:18 PM
1 votes:

Danger Avoid Death: WTF are "Muslim style shoes?"

/from the scanner.


The toes always point to Mecca.

Makes it hard to walk, really.
2013-04-19 03:11:58 PM
1 votes:

Danger Avoid Death: WTF are "Muslim style shoes?"

/from the scanner.


The have a special tread for "crushing the infidel under our feet"
2013-04-19 03:11:04 PM
1 votes:

Bullseyed: ourbigdumbmouth: In before the white person deniers show up.

They're one country north of Arabia, so suddenly they're white.


So much fail in so few words.  I'd be impressed if I wasn't disgusted.
2013-04-19 03:10:45 PM
1 votes:
OK, now this little fark is REALLY starting to piss me off.

Bruins game canceled for tonight.

Now that is two games canceled this week with Monday's being postponed to the day after the original last day of the season. What happens now, play two games in one day now??!?!?

Now the Bruins are gonna be completely worn-out for the playoffs, because of you, you stupid little Chechen scumbag.

HURRY UP AND KILL THIS LITTLE SHIAT.
2013-04-19 03:10:35 PM
1 votes:

FrancoFile: Really important question here:


Do we have a drinking game for this yet?


Several individuals constructed a drinking game where consumption was prompted by incorrect information being disseminated over the Internet due to misunderstanding statements heard over the police scanner. To my knowledge, all participants have since died from alcohol poisoning.
2013-04-19 03:08:46 PM
1 votes:

FrancoFile: Really important question here:


Do we have a drinking game for this yet?


Drinking is not game.
2013-04-19 03:08:33 PM
1 votes:
ESCORT THE FOOD TRUCK!!!!  I'm hungry.
2013-04-19 03:07:57 PM
1 votes:
So I go to bed for 4 hours and wake to find out... Nothing has changed!
2013-04-19 03:07:25 PM
1 votes:

FrancoFile: Really important question here:


Do we have a drinking game for this yet?


I'm chugging every time Joe McCarthy leaves his mic open.
2013-04-19 03:07:03 PM
1 votes:

styckx: In the grand scheme of things.. Is this the biggest manhunt we've had on U.S. soil in terms of the sheer amount of manpower, agencies, and vehicles involved? I can't recall anything this massive before..

3.bp.blogspot.com
2013-04-19 03:06:41 PM
1 votes:

lennavan: nickerj1: "I need another unit, we have a white male in a hoodie and a backpack on Longwood".

shiat you not.

If that kid is packin skittles, he's a goner.


2.bp.blogspot.com
ZIMMERMAN, TO THE RESCUE!
2013-04-19 03:05:28 PM
1 votes:
LOL @ lost FBI agent driving around and pulling u-turns.
2013-04-19 03:04:27 PM
1 votes:
All these cops with Irish names.  Who knew they had so many Irish in Boston?
2013-04-19 03:01:12 PM
1 votes:
@JohnFugelsang 16m

Reminder - 45 Senators just voted to let Dzhokhar Tsarnaev buy weapons at gun shows w/no inconvenient background checks.


@stevenoh88 2h

White Chechen Muslims?! Why can't they be brown Muslims or white Christians so we can easily & lazily stigmatize an entire group?

@secupp 3h

Ruslan Tsarni, don't be ashamed. Your pride in America and Chechnya is remarkable. Your nephews may be losers, but you are not.
2013-04-19 03:00:17 PM
1 votes:
Younger brother should say that it was older brother who planted the bombs and he knew nothing about it until afterwards. Then older brother held him hostage and forced him at gunpoint to throw explosives etc. He ran from the police because he was scared about being set up for something he didn't do.

People have got off with weaker defences than that.
2013-04-19 03:00:14 PM
1 votes:
What the hell?  I haven't seen a backpack in years and suddenly everyone in Boston is carrying one
2013-04-19 02:59:57 PM
1 votes:
Arrested for being white on a Friday night.

Bet nobody saw that coming.
2013-04-19 02:57:32 PM
1 votes:

nickerj1: "I need another unit, we have a white male in a hoodie and a backpack on Longwood".

shiat you not.


If that kid is packin skittles, he's a goner.
2013-04-19 02:56:35 PM
1 votes:
Hey, you know what would be hilarious?  Someone right in the middle of this lockdown that has a really good sound system should fire up "Call of Duty Black Ops 2" and play it with the volume up as loud as they can.
2013-04-19 02:56:33 PM
1 votes:

nvmac: I wonder what the girls that have had sex with them are thinking right now?

/if there are any

Better cash in that 15 minutes real quick?

New book:

"My 3 minutes of horror"
-The blow by blow account of a girl who sexed a terrorist-


"Thirty seconds under Dzhoko"?
2013-04-19 02:53:39 PM
1 votes:
NY Post reporting 1154 Hondas injured and 12 dead green Hondas
2013-04-19 02:53:38 PM
1 votes:

vygramul: I'm tempted to post @J_tsar the following, "BTW: Did you teach your brother to drive? Nice!"


Yeah I saw some guy who tweeted him the picture of his brother with the caption 'NICE DRIVING, ASSHOLE'
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-04-19 02:53:37 PM
1 votes:
Trooper Perry?

encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com

Oh, Sherry!
2013-04-19 02:53:20 PM
1 votes:

Police have released a picture of the kid's father:


img580.imageshack.us

2013-04-19 02:52:28 PM
1 votes:

d23: JonnyG: I've got lots of wool here. Anybody else need some to put over their eyes?

no. go clean the lenses.

[encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 225x225]


Just finished reading the first omnibus yesterday afternoon and then all this... Weird, weird timing.

/better stock up on heat tape
2013-04-19 02:51:33 PM
1 votes:

fruitloop: Potential suspect vehicles include a CR-V, Civic, and Odyssey.  Sounds like they're profiling Hondas.


Car profiling is WRONG

First they came for the Odysseys, and I said nothing because I was an Accord...
2013-04-19 02:51:24 PM
1 votes:

StRalphTheLiar: New BOLO issued '95 Honda Odyssey


First a Civic, now an Odyssey. This is the worst viral marketing campaign ever. Not cool, Honda.
2013-04-19 02:48:47 PM
1 votes:
The worst part is, he's just a kid.
2013-04-19 02:48:30 PM
1 votes:
So what's the over/under as to whether Kevin is in or out?
2013-04-19 02:48:28 PM
1 votes:
I hope they didn't try to establish a perimeter.  On 24, the bad guy ALWAYS escaped after they'd established a perimeter.

/ Maybe they should try establishing a diameter, or a hypotenuse or sumptin.
2013-04-19 02:48:17 PM
1 votes:

Grobbley: Mikey1969: Grobbley: Lollipop165: Grobbley: [i.imgur.com image 850x198]

Why do you keep on posting that?

styckx: Grobbley: [i.imgur.com image 850x198]

Stop posting this none sense.

People have a right to know.  Why do you hate the free spread of information so much?  Take it or leave it, but why bash it?  Why are you so threatened by it?

Nobody is "threatened" buyy it, they're just tired of this stupid bullshiat. None of it has ever been true, yet simpletons continue to post and repost it every chance they get.

And every single time, people get mad.  If it were just "stupid bullshiat" why not simply dismiss it as such and move on?  Do you know how much "stupid bullshiat" gets posted and reposted on FARK every single day?  Generally people don't get so pissed off about it.  The emotional responses to this "stupid bullshiat" would indicate to me that they feel their view of reality is threatened by it.  People don't want to face the potential of their reality being wrong, so anything that conflicts with their reality is immediately a threat to be attacked or suppressed, regardless of how absurd it is.

/I don't personally believe any of the shiat from the image, but I do find the responses to be humorous and illuminating


Ah, the ol "pretending to be retarded for the lels." Good stuff
2013-04-19 02:48:01 PM
1 votes:
holy farking shiat, this is from his twitter feed

pbs.twimg.com

his car had a farking vanity 'Terrorists #1' plate on the front!!

What in the fark
2013-04-19 02:45:59 PM
1 votes:

brapbrapbrap: Treygreen13: YoungSwedishBlonde: So someone needs to explain this to me.

With the entirety of the USA looking for you having bombed the Boston Marathon, why would you go knock off a 7/11?

Trying to obtain money with which to travel outside the area you're being looked for in?

You'd think they'd have thought about this shiat BEFORE setting off bombs.


Kinda proves they are not actual Ruskies.
Ruskies don't take a chit w/o a plan.
2013-04-19 02:44:58 PM
1 votes:

Tman144: How the fark did this guy get away? They had him. Do they not have helicopters in MA?


You're late to the party. Helos waved off because it was soupy. REPEAT: SOUPY
2013-04-19 02:44:45 PM
1 votes:
Suspect does not like domestic vehicles.  Repeat, suspect does not like domestic vehicles.
2013-04-19 02:44:39 PM
1 votes:

Treygreen13: Trying to obtain money with which to travel outside the area you're being looked for in?


Get the money BEFORE.  Get the car BEFORE, lol.

Somewhere in Hell, Timothy McVeigh is slapping his forehead and saying, "Fark, I at least had a car ready to go...might've forgotten about getting one with plates on it, but at least I had a car!"
2013-04-19 02:44:18 PM
1 votes:
This is life watching a real-life GTA 4(?) star wanted level.  Perhaps we're too late and he hit the pay n' spray?
2013-04-19 02:43:57 PM
1 votes:

orezona: BOLO '95 Honda Odessey Gray

/possible suspect vehicle


get 'em before the VTEC kicks in, yo.
2013-04-19 02:42:37 PM
1 votes:

Marine1: CliChe Guevara: Tatsuma: Skeptos: If there's one person on Earth I wouldn't want to be right now, it's Dzhokhar Tsarnaev.

What about Carrot Top?

ooh. tough choice.

The guy screwing Carrot Top's mom.


So... Still Carrot Top...
2013-04-19 02:41:29 PM
1 votes:

NittLion78: CNN Releases Photos Of 3 Obese Mexican Women Suspected In Boston Bombing


Oh My God.. My Sides...
2013-04-19 02:40:46 PM
1 votes:
CNN Breaking News: Wolf Blizter got a flat tire.
2013-04-19 02:40:43 PM
1 votes:

seventypercent: What they should do is publicly announce that the suspect has escaped and that there's nothing more to be done, and call off the search. Then the mayor should go on TV and announce that there will be a Mega Wrestling Contest tonight downtown, and that first prize is an all-expenses-paid trip to Chechnya. Then when this guy shows up to wrestle in it (the contest is actually just a fake) they can have Rick Moranis jump out in front of him in the Dark Helmet costume and say "Fooled you!" Then they can cuff him and stuff him, and take any money that he has in his wallet and put it towards a "Dynasty" reunion show hosted by Joan Collins.


And to top it off, he gets three Shellshocks from Ryback  :D
2013-04-19 02:40:29 PM
1 votes:
2013-04-19 02:39:23 PM
1 votes:

Urine The Money: [s3-ec.buzzfed.com image 625x838]


So Joker scored a date with Snooki, eh? Sweet!
2013-04-19 02:38:32 PM
1 votes:
Step 1) Bomb the Boston Marathon
Step 2) Rob a 7/11
Step 3) Profit
2013-04-19 02:37:48 PM
1 votes:

xnewnoisex: Man this is just riveting. I can't listen to the scanner on this work computer (soundcard blown). But I will be following the thread. shiat all I do is run a comic book store. I got times on my hands


Same here, but no comic book store for me:

imgs.xkcd.com
2013-04-19 02:37:24 PM
1 votes:

bbfreak: [25.media.tumblr.com image 500x500]


Why the need to instagram?  Are they trying to show how effective this manhunt was back in the 70s?
2013-04-19 02:37:20 PM
1 votes:
Surprising number of people here don't seem to know what "martial law" is (or how to spell it for that matter).
2013-04-19 02:36:39 PM
1 votes:

Tatsuma: Urine The Money: [s3-ec.buzzfed.com image 625x838]

Why did you post a picture with a young Paul McCartney and massive boobs?


Massive boobs need no explanation. Or apology.
2013-04-19 02:35:42 PM
1 votes:
i heard the police are quartering themselves in houses
2013-04-19 02:33:52 PM
1 votes:

grimlock1972: Anyone been awake for the entire manhunt?


I've been up for 21 hours.  My eyes look like golf  balls made of well-done bacon.
2013-04-19 02:32:16 PM
1 votes:

bluorangefyre: Get me Jack Bauer....
[www.wheresourmoney.org image 850x637]


No Jack Bauer.  His methods would absolutely offend too many people  here.
2013-04-19 02:31:58 PM
1 votes:

Grand_Moff_Joseph: Fancourt: Ooooo, an open door.

/I am so hooked now

Is this now Return to Zork?


Want some rye? Course ya do!
2013-04-19 02:31:12 PM
1 votes:

Car_Ramrod: eddievercetti: robsul82: CNN just announced the Honda thing.

Knowing CNN, they reported it as a Toyota.

Knowing the NYPost, they'll report it as Guile.


Knowing any of the mass media outlets, they'll report it as a 13 foot brown rowboat. "Tammy, what can you tell us about rowboats?"
2013-04-19 02:30:54 PM
1 votes:

vygramul: mootmah: grimlock1972: Anyone been awake for the entire manhunt?

All of the cops.

Which makes the lack of bullet-riddled civilian vehicles that much more commendable.


That's because this happened in Boston and not LA.
2013-04-19 02:29:46 PM
1 votes:

Fancourt: Ooooo, an open door.

/I am so hooked now


Is this now Return to Zork?
2013-04-19 02:29:15 PM
1 votes:
What they should do is publicly announce that the suspect has escaped and that there's nothing more to be done, and call off the search. Then the mayor should go on TV and announce that there will be a Mega Wrestling Contest tonight downtown, and that first prize is an all-expenses-paid trip to Chechnya. Then when this guy shows up to wrestle in it (the contest is actually just a fake) they can have Rick Moranis jump out in front of him in the Dark Helmet costume and say "Fooled you!" Then they can cuff him and stuff him, and take any money that he has in his wallet and put it towards a "Dynasty" reunion show hosted by Joan Collins.
2013-04-19 02:28:50 PM
1 votes:

Darke: I can't get to the end of any of these threads. Everytime I move to a new page, there's two or three more already created. Is anyone saying anything new??


Read every 100 posts, you'll get the gist.
2013-04-19 02:28:22 PM
1 votes:

Stone Meadow: What a Green Honda might look like...

[latimesblogs.latimes.com image 580x378]


I bet the cops had a hard time keeping up with that many speed holes.
2013-04-19 02:28:06 PM
1 votes:
Just lost the scanner
2013-04-19 02:26:42 PM
1 votes:

DubyaHater: Just turned on the police scanner.  Boston accents are the worst.


Ahem..
we speak correctly.


Remembah.. the Pilgrims landed in Plymouth (my home town), we stahted it all. We speak correctly, everyone else messed up the language as we spread across the US.

GO SOX!
2013-04-19 02:26:12 PM
1 votes:

WillyChase: learn2fly: Do all you Farkers realize that I am getting absolutely no work done today?

It's ok, neither are the rest of us


The terrorists have won!
2013-04-19 02:25:13 PM
1 votes:

Walker: "Do I look Chechen to you b*tch?"
[i.dailymail.co.uk image 850x400]


Holy shiat, a black ginger!
2013-04-19 02:25:03 PM
1 votes:

bborchar: I feel conflicted- on one hand, I want this MFer caught alive...on the other, I definitely want him to die a painful death.


I want him alive just so we have some insight into what drove him to this. Otherwise Alex Jones is going to be insufferable. (more so than he already is)
2013-04-19 02:24:53 PM
1 votes:
Anyone said if this were in LA we'd have Kentucky Fried Chechen for dinner?

No? Ok.
2013-04-19 02:24:36 PM
1 votes:

gadian: ckayser: Also heard through grapevine photo of dead suspect #1 at hospital leaked? Anyone?

Don't think that was him.  Didn't have "too many bullet holes to count" on the one I saw.  They lit that guy up like a bag of microwave popcorn.


Yeah. Orville Deadenbachers.
2013-04-19 02:24:03 PM
1 votes:

Danger Avoid Death: DubyaHater: Just turned on the police scanner.  Boston accents are the worst.

Shut up and pahk the cah.


Make sure you've got clean undaweah.
2013-04-19 02:23:39 PM
1 votes:

what_now: And my trip to NY has been postponed, which is annoying but not the worth thing.


You have a lithp?
2013-04-19 02:22:50 PM
1 votes:

robsul82: CNN just announced the Honda thing.


Knowing CNN, they reported it as a Toyota.
2013-04-19 02:22:39 PM
1 votes:
I'm watching the aunt now... nice to see Maura Tierney got a new role.
2013-04-19 02:22:24 PM
1 votes:
IDIOTS on CNN giving out that green honda BOLO right now! Do they not pay attention?

/they should monitor FARK for the latest info!
2013-04-19 02:21:10 PM
1 votes:

amquelbettamin: The aunt is CLEARLY Canadian


I didn't watch her interview, but why?
2013-04-19 02:20:38 PM
1 votes:
I can't help but think that somewhere, holed up in an office, an group of Mad Men are trying to figure out how to tout the Mercedes SUV's hardiness and ability to crash through police cordions as a feature.
2013-04-19 02:20:17 PM
1 votes:

The Life Of Brian: Open MIC night in Baustan..

Joe McCarthy!


Richard Nixon!
2013-04-19 02:20:15 PM
1 votes:

Tatsuma: Skeptos: If there's one person on Earth I wouldn't want to be right now, it's Dzhokhar Tsarnaev.

What about Carrot Top?


I stand corrected.
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-04-19 02:19:40 PM
1 votes:
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com

Russian

i.huffpost.com

Idiot
2013-04-19 02:19:39 PM
1 votes:
Throw me into the "no work done today" crowd.
2013-04-19 02:19:18 PM
1 votes:

Grobbley: [i.imgur.com image 850x198]


Maybe if you spam that picture another few thousand times it suddenly won't be a crock of unverified shiat.
2013-04-19 02:19:04 PM
1 votes:

Grobbley: derp


Booooring
2013-04-19 02:19:03 PM
1 votes:
The balloon is landing in the field!  The officer is approaching now!  It's empty!  It's empty!

Why do I have a feeling this day will end the say way the balloon boy day ended - anti-climatically.
2013-04-19 02:18:09 PM
1 votes:

Rwa2play: Truther: I'll say it again, hope no one else is killed - including the alleged bomber...

This; If he's alive, the authorities will find out what the hell's in his head that made him and his brother do this.


His head is full of Islam derp.

What more do we need to know?
2013-04-19 02:17:46 PM
1 votes:
Thank you Fark mods who are on the ball now with closing and opening new threads to cut back on server load so Fark stays up!
2013-04-19 02:17:41 PM
1 votes:
whoa

added
2013-04-19 02:17:34 PM
1 votes:
I bet Suspect #2 is in the My Little Pony Thread right now
2013-04-19 02:17:03 PM
1 votes:
i.imgur.com
2013-04-19 02:16:29 PM
1 votes:
This has been a fun day.
 
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