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(Happy Place)   The next time you're being interviewed on TV about the Boston bombers, make sure you hide your giant pink dildo, mmmkay?   (happyplace.com ) divider line
    More: Fail, Boston  
•       •       •

40544 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Apr 2013 at 3:34 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-04-19 02:15:02 PM  
33 votes:
They hate us because of our free dongs.
2013-04-19 01:54:38 PM  
9 votes:
Nonsense, subby.  If I found out the BBC wanted to interview me in my own home, I'd spend hours "decorating" the place with all sorts of easter eggs for the interwebs to find.  He probably raced out and bought that just for the interview.
2013-04-19 03:45:30 PM  
8 votes:
img169.imageshack.us
2013-04-19 03:47:28 PM  
7 votes:

Altair: FlashHarry: "giant?" looks small to me.

Yeah, that's an entry level dildo


Well, ideally, they are all entry-level. Isn't that the idea?
2013-04-19 02:26:10 PM  
7 votes:

FloydA: Nonsense, subby.  If I found out the BBC wanted to interview me in my own home, I'd spend hours "decorating" the place with all sorts of easter eggs for the interwebs to find.  He probably raced out and bought that just for the interview.


"citizen, please clear the streets.  There's a dangerous madman on the loose."
"but I've gotta buy a dildo right now"
"oh, carry on then"
2013-04-19 02:13:31 PM  
6 votes:
There are two parents somewhere in America who are just mortified right now.
2013-04-19 02:42:13 PM  
5 votes:
serial_crusher:

"citizen, please clear the streets.  There's a dangerous madman on the loose."
"but I've gotta buy a dildo right now"
"oh, carry on then"



If you get pulled over, wave your hand and say "these aren't the dongs you're looking for" and the cops will wave you on.  Just like Ben-Wa Balls Kenobi.
2013-04-19 01:37:36 PM  
5 votes:
"giant?" looks small to me.
2013-04-19 04:43:24 PM  
4 votes:

FlashHarry: [i36.tinypic.com image 600x436]


i.imgur.com
2013-04-19 04:23:41 PM  
4 votes:
Someone should tell the FBI we just located a weapon of ass destruction.
2013-04-19 03:37:56 PM  
4 votes:

FlashHarry: "giant?" looks small to me.


Yeah, that's an entry level dildo
2013-04-19 03:27:27 PM  
4 votes:
That's more of a dil don't!

/veal
2013-04-19 04:20:59 PM  
3 votes:

illannoyin: Always looking for a chance to bring out this classic...

[i50.photobucket.com image 544x387]


EWWWW GROSS! Pepsi.
2013-04-19 05:09:11 PM  
2 votes:

ICDedPpl: House shopping...
[cache.gawkerassets.com image 850x478]


CSB: In my younger days we would go to open houses and leave dildos, condom wrappers, lube, etc at random locations. Favorites included stuffing  condom wrappers under the sheets of a bed, throwing (unwrapped) condoms in the toilet, and discretely placing a dildo in a display cabinet in the living room.
2013-04-19 04:51:55 PM  
2 votes:
icepriestess

Why yes. I did.

That would be the Congressional Black Caucus.
2013-04-19 04:49:10 PM  
2 votes:
House shopping...
cache.gawkerassets.com
2013-04-19 04:42:50 PM  
2 votes:
You guys are killing me with the comments, I have tears in my eyes from laughing. Such a relief from the nonstop forced intensity of CNN and the bickering in the manhunt threads. Thanks.
2013-04-19 04:34:38 PM  
2 votes:
No one's posted the Maplewood Drug Bust Dildo video yet?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-10DgWsSZNc
2013-04-19 04:20:47 PM  
2 votes:
1.bp.blogspot.com
2013-04-19 04:18:11 PM  
2 votes:
Always looking for a chance to bring out this classic...

i50.photobucket.com
2013-04-19 04:12:43 PM  
2 votes:
i36.tinypic.com
2013-04-19 03:45:21 PM  
2 votes:

FARK rebel soldier: It's a milk bottle for his Cheerios.
[nbcoutofbounds.files.wordpress.com image 320x326]
White liquids: The breakfast of champions.


static.lulu.com
2013-04-19 03:43:16 PM  
2 votes:
If only there was some place where he could have stuck it. You know, somewhere, where the sun doesn't shine.
2013-04-19 02:12:24 PM  
2 votes:

FloydA: Nonsense, subby.  If I found out the BBC wanted to interview me in my own home, I'd spend hours "decorating" the place with all sorts of easter eggs for the interwebs to find.  He probably raced out and bought that just for the interview.


What is Fark handle? He deserves a year of TF.
2013-04-19 02:01:38 PM  
2 votes:
It was a navy seal hiding in the background
2013-04-20 11:58:06 AM  
1 vote:
Hahaha.  Reminds me of a time a few years back at a weekly poker game when one of the players came in and said, "Which one of you assholes wrote 'buttplugs' on my shopping list?"  (He keeps a shopping list on a white board on the wall.)  Nobody remembered doing it at first then one guy said, "I remember writing something at the BBQ but that was a month or two back."  "It's been on there since the BBQ??? I have clients in my house!!!"  "They must think you go through a lot of buttplugs."

Also had a coworker much farther back who kept a vibrator similar to this on her desk.

www.mylilo.com
2013-04-19 07:04:16 PM  
1 vote:

ZeroCorpse: khyberkitsune: ZeroCorpse: There is no opposite-gender version of "dildo".

Pocket Pussy.

Yeah... I covered that. It's not ideal. It's not a single word. It's too descriptive.

We're looking for a single word that's as concise and specific as "dildo", and it just doesn't exist yet.


Pildo
2013-04-19 06:47:46 PM  
1 vote:

theknuckler_33: ZeroCorpse: But straight guys? If we need to refer to a sex toy, there's no way to say it without it requiring at least a couple words, and we're stuck being much more blatant about it.

This is just me thinking it through, but if you are buying such a product, I'm not real sure you are going into the sex-toy store feeling demure about asking for what you need. In fact, I'm not real sure you're going to need to ask where to find them at all unless you are in the CostCo of sex toys. I mean, I don't think the folks who fill out inventory orders for Fleshlights or other vagina simulators are offended or embarrassed by the naming of those product.

If you are talking about referring to these things in the intimate setting of the bedroom with your partner of choice, I'd imagine talk of using such things preceded the actual act of doing so, so the ice, so-to-speak, would have already been broken, so what's the big deal having to refer to a specific product name vs. some generic term.

At any rate, I dated a wild chick once who told me to get the dildo and I had no other choice but to ask "which one?".


All of them
2013-04-19 06:33:43 PM  
1 vote:
Here's my complaint:

A phallic sex toy is called a dildo. It's a simple, easy, general word to describe a specific class of object. When you say "Get the dildo" your partner will know what you're talking about, and somehow it just sounds better than "Get the fake dick" or "Get the rubber dong" or anything of that sort. "Dildo" is a great word that means "penis-shaped sex toy for vaginal or anal penetration".

However, a sex toy designed to simulate a vagina/vuvla has no simple name. There's a brand-name or several out there, such as Fleshlight, but no general word to describe that class of object. Most descriptions are of the "pocket pussy", "masturbatory sleeve", or "fake vagina" sort. There's no single word to describe such a sex toy. There is no opposite-gender version of "dildo".

And then, to further kick us when we're down, women and gay men have another single-word description for their sex toys that is even more discreet: "Vibrator". Sure, they focus on clitoral stimulation as opposed to penetration, but let's face it: They make them phallic-shaped for a reason.

...And if they want to get really vague, they can say "massager".

But straight guys? If we need to refer to a sex toy, there's no way to say it without it requiring at least a couple words, and we're stuck being much more blatant about it.

We need a single non-descriptive word to describe ALL sex toys modeled after the female genitalia; One that doesn't come out and say "vagina", "vulva", or "pussy" (or any other slang terms for it, either). A simple, clean word that says, "Soft, vagina-like sleeve with optional molded vulva designed for male masturbation".

As a writer, these things concern me. It would be easier to write lusty stories if I had a single word to refer to straight men's sex toys. As yet, I'm unaware of a single word to accurately and specifically describe these vagina-like toys.

/Honestly, I don't know whether or not lesbians bother with pocket vaginas, so I excluded them here.
//But I know gay men have little need for such a sex toy.
///The pocket anus sex toy is another whole discussion, but equally valid.
2013-04-19 05:50:31 PM  
1 vote:

serial_crusher: FloydA: Nonsense, subby.  If I found out the BBC wanted to interview me in my own home, I'd spend hours "decorating" the place with all sorts of easter eggs for the interwebs to find.  He probably raced out and bought that just for the interview.

"citizen, please clear the streets.  There's a dangerous madman on the loose."
"but I've gotta buy a dildo right now"
"oh, carry on then"


There should be a waiting period and background check for those things.
2013-04-19 05:50:25 PM  
1 vote:
You farkers are SO slipping.

You got the 'Fight Club Dildo Reference #1', and completely missed the better one. Helena Carter..."Its not a threat"

NSFW Link1
NSFW Link2

For shame.
2013-04-19 05:13:31 PM  
1 vote:

louiedog: After constant coverage all day long one of my local channels got bored repeating the same non-info and finally switched over to the normal programming. It was Judge Judy and the 30 seconds of that felt like more of a waste of time than my collective years on Fark.


I saw on the onscreen guide that today's Judge Judy was about two brothers, and I laughed.
2013-04-19 04:23:54 PM  
1 vote:

illannoyin: Always looking for a chance to bring out this classic...

[i50.photobucket.com image 544x387]


Is that a really big pepsi can or a really small bottle of anal lube?  Because that's not going to last you very long.
2013-04-19 04:16:19 PM  
1 vote:

More_Like_A_Stain: uttertosh: skinink: [img169.imageshack.us image 850x680]

And now the whole world knows you play 'party poker'.

Hang. your. head. in. shame.

I'm fairly sure that the incriminating bit was the shemale vids folder, not Party Poker.


That whooshing sound you just recently noted coming from above you? Hint: not a plane.
2013-04-19 04:08:52 PM  
1 vote:

skinink: [img169.imageshack.us image 850x680]


And now the whole world knows you play 'party poker'.

Hang. your. head. in. shame.
2013-04-19 03:57:58 PM  
1 vote:
www.destructoid.com
2013-04-19 03:53:58 PM  
1 vote:
lolheaven.com
2013-04-19 03:51:55 PM  
1 vote:
www.nobodygoeshere.com
2013-04-19 03:50:55 PM  
1 vote:

FunkOut: It's too bad he didn't have a giant can of Crisco next to it.


Like this??? Super NSFW

and I wonder what he lost up there... Actually I really don't want to know.
2013-04-19 03:48:53 PM  
1 vote:
I don't think that's a dildo. I don't know what it is, but that's an awfully strange place to keep your dildo.
2013-04-19 03:46:58 PM  
1 vote:
In the late 90's I lived with 2 other guys in a house, one was in a long time relationship with a woman that was always over. One night I a girl came home with me and stayed the night so to speak.... next morning she woke up and went to the bathroom and found a strap on dildo on the floor that apparently the one roommate had left there.

She left shortly after that never to be seen again.
2013-04-19 03:43:14 PM  
1 vote:
It's a milk bottle for his Cheerios.
nbcoutofbounds.files.wordpress.com
White liquids: The breakfast of champions.
2013-04-19 03:39:11 PM  
1 vote:
That's the same color as my penis.  Whew, I am relieved.  I thought something was wrong for a second.
2013-04-19 03:37:26 PM  
1 vote:
also counts as good advice for a skype session with your parents or granny.
2013-04-19 03:36:42 PM  
1 vote:
I don't want to live in that America.
2013-04-19 02:56:49 PM  
1 vote:

brap: They hate us because of our free dongs.


new keyboard, plz.
2013-04-19 02:40:28 PM  
1 vote:

ecmoRandomNumbers: There are two parents somewhere in America who are just mortified right now.


Indeed.

He could have had a more manly colored dildo, like a nice steel blue, or black.

Or, it could have at least been pink with a brown colored head.
2013-04-19 02:28:24 PM  
1 vote:

ecmoRandomNumbers: There are two parents somewhere in America who are just mortified right now.


LOL

"Billy, is there something you'd like to tell your dad and me?"
2013-04-19 02:27:27 PM  
1 vote:
Also, I never post screenshots of web pages without "accidentally" having some incriminating tabs open.  Nobody at work has called me out on it yet.  One such screenshot even made its way to a customer.
2013-04-19 02:05:25 PM  
1 vote:
YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!!
 
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