If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Happy Place)   The next time you're being interviewed on TV about the Boston bombers, make sure you hide your giant pink dildo, mmmkay?   (happyplace.com) divider line 136
    More: Fail, Boston  
•       •       •

40503 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Apr 2013 at 3:34 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



136 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-04-19 06:27:42 PM  

Tyrosine: ICDedPpl: House shopping...
[cache.gawkerassets.com image 850x478]

CSB: In my younger days we would go to open houses and leave dildos, condom wrappers, lube, etc at random locations. Favorites included stuffing  condom wrappers under the sheets of a bed, throwing (unwrapped) condoms in the toilet, and discretely placing a dildo in a display cabinet in the living room.


I wanna party with you cowboy.
 
2013-04-19 06:31:26 PM  

swaniefrmreddeer: It's not a dildo people, don't you see the straw coming out of the top. My wife got one at her stagette, and her friends made her drink out of it all night.


And what do you think she does with it now when you aren't around.

/yea, she still has it!
 
2013-04-19 06:33:43 PM  
Here's my complaint:

A phallic sex toy is called a dildo. It's a simple, easy, general word to describe a specific class of object. When you say "Get the dildo" your partner will know what you're talking about, and somehow it just sounds better than "Get the fake dick" or "Get the rubber dong" or anything of that sort. "Dildo" is a great word that means "penis-shaped sex toy for vaginal or anal penetration".

However, a sex toy designed to simulate a vagina/vuvla has no simple name. There's a brand-name or several out there, such as Fleshlight, but no general word to describe that class of object. Most descriptions are of the "pocket pussy", "masturbatory sleeve", or "fake vagina" sort. There's no single word to describe such a sex toy. There is no opposite-gender version of "dildo".

And then, to further kick us when we're down, women and gay men have another single-word description for their sex toys that is even more discreet: "Vibrator". Sure, they focus on clitoral stimulation as opposed to penetration, but let's face it: They make them phallic-shaped for a reason.

...And if they want to get really vague, they can say "massager".

But straight guys? If we need to refer to a sex toy, there's no way to say it without it requiring at least a couple words, and we're stuck being much more blatant about it.

We need a single non-descriptive word to describe ALL sex toys modeled after the female genitalia; One that doesn't come out and say "vagina", "vulva", or "pussy" (or any other slang terms for it, either). A simple, clean word that says, "Soft, vagina-like sleeve with optional molded vulva designed for male masturbation".

As a writer, these things concern me. It would be easier to write lusty stories if I had a single word to refer to straight men's sex toys. As yet, I'm unaware of a single word to accurately and specifically describe these vagina-like toys.

/Honestly, I don't know whether or not lesbians bother with pocket vaginas, so I excluded them here.
//But I know gay men have little need for such a sex toy.
///The pocket anus sex toy is another whole discussion, but equally valid.
 
2013-04-19 06:37:20 PM  

ZeroCorpse: Here's my complaint:

A phallic sex toy is called a dildo. It's a simple, easy, general word to describe a specific class of object. When you say "Get the dildo" your partner will know what you're talking about, and somehow it just sounds better than "Get the fake dick" or "Get the rubber dong" or anything of that sort. "Dildo" is a great word that means "penis-shaped sex toy for vaginal or anal penetration".

However, a sex toy designed to simulate a vagina/vuvla has no simple name. There's a brand-name or several out there, such as Fleshlight, but no general word to describe that class of object. Most descriptions are of the "pocket pussy", "masturbatory sleeve", or "fake vagina" sort. There's no single word to describe such a sex toy. There is no opposite-gender version of "dildo".

And then, to further kick us when we're down, women and gay men have another single-word description for their sex toys that is even more discreet: "Vibrator". Sure, they focus on clitoral stimulation as opposed to penetration, but let's face it: They make them phallic-shaped for a reason.

...And if they want to get really vague, they can say "massager".

But straight guys? If we need to refer to a sex toy, there's no way to say it without it requiring at least a couple words, and we're stuck being much more blatant about it.

We need a single non-descriptive word to describe ALL sex toys modeled after the female genitalia; One that doesn't come out and say "vagina", "vulva", or "pussy" (or any other slang terms for it, either). A simple, clean word that says, "Soft, vagina-like sleeve with optional molded vulva designed for male masturbation".

As a writer, these things concern me. It would be easier to write lusty stories if I had a single word to refer to straight men's sex toys. As yet, I'm unaware of a single word to accurately and specifically describe these vagina-like toys.

/Honestly, I don't know whether or not lesbians bother with pocket vaginas, so I excluded them here.
/ ...


What about "Funt"?
 
2013-04-19 06:40:32 PM  

ZeroCorpse: There is no opposite-gender version of "dildo".


Pocket Pussy.
 
2013-04-19 06:41:42 PM  

ZeroCorpse: But straight guys? If we need to refer to a sex toy, there's no way to say it without it requiring at least a couple words, and we're stuck being much more blatant about it.


This is just me thinking it through, but if you are buying such a product, I'm not real sure you are going into the sex-toy store feeling demure about asking for what you need. In fact, I'm not real sure you're going to need to ask where to find them at all unless you are in the CostCo of sex toys. I mean, I don't think the folks who fill out inventory orders for Fleshlights or other vagina simulators are offended or embarrassed by the naming of those product.

If you are talking about referring to these things in the intimate setting of the bedroom with your partner of choice, I'd imagine talk of using such things preceded the actual act of doing so, so the ice, so-to-speak, would have already been broken, so what's the big deal having to refer to a specific product name vs. some generic term.

At any rate, I dated a wild chick once who told me to get the dildo and I had no other choice but to ask "which one?".
 
2013-04-19 06:42:09 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: ZeroCorpse: Here's my complaint:

A phallic sex toy is called a dildo. It's a simple, easy, general word to describe a specific class of object. When you say "Get the dildo" your partner will know what you're talking about, and somehow it just sounds better than "Get the fake dick" or "Get the rubber dong" or anything of that sort. "Dildo" is a great word that means "penis-shaped sex toy for vaginal or anal penetration".

However, a sex toy designed to simulate a vagina/vuvla has no simple name. There's a brand-name or several out there, such as Fleshlight, but no general word to describe that class of object. Most descriptions are of the "pocket pussy", "masturbatory sleeve", or "fake vagina" sort. There's no single word to describe such a sex toy. There is no opposite-gender version of "dildo".

And then, to further kick us when we're down, women and gay men have another single-word description for their sex toys that is even more discreet: "Vibrator". Sure, they focus on clitoral stimulation as opposed to penetration, but let's face it: They make them phallic-shaped for a reason.

...And if they want to get really vague, they can say "massager".

But straight guys? If we need to refer to a sex toy, there's no way to say it without it requiring at least a couple words, and we're stuck being much more blatant about it.

We need a single non-descriptive word to describe ALL sex toys modeled after the female genitalia; One that doesn't come out and say "vagina", "vulva", or "pussy" (or any other slang terms for it, either). A simple, clean word that says, "Soft, vagina-like sleeve with optional molded vulva designed for male masturbation".

As a writer, these things concern me. It would be easier to write lusty stories if I had a single word to refer to straight men's sex toys. As yet, I'm unaware of a single word to accurately and specifically describe these vagina-like toys.

/Honestly, I don't know whether or not lesbians bother with pocket vaginas, so I excluded ...


Punt. Pocket coont.
 
2013-04-19 06:42:40 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: What about "Funt"?


That just sounds like a fake anus...
 
2013-04-19 06:47:46 PM  

theknuckler_33: ZeroCorpse: But straight guys? If we need to refer to a sex toy, there's no way to say it without it requiring at least a couple words, and we're stuck being much more blatant about it.

This is just me thinking it through, but if you are buying such a product, I'm not real sure you are going into the sex-toy store feeling demure about asking for what you need. In fact, I'm not real sure you're going to need to ask where to find them at all unless you are in the CostCo of sex toys. I mean, I don't think the folks who fill out inventory orders for Fleshlights or other vagina simulators are offended or embarrassed by the naming of those product.

If you are talking about referring to these things in the intimate setting of the bedroom with your partner of choice, I'd imagine talk of using such things preceded the actual act of doing so, so the ice, so-to-speak, would have already been broken, so what's the big deal having to refer to a specific product name vs. some generic term.

At any rate, I dated a wild chick once who told me to get the dildo and I had no other choice but to ask "which one?".


All of them
 
2013-04-19 06:47:53 PM  

ZeroCorpse: Here's my complaint:

A phallic sex toy is called a dildo. It's a simple, easy, general word to describe a specific class of object. When you say "Get the dildo" your partner will know what you're talking about, and somehow it just sounds better than "Get the fake dick" or "Get the rubber dong" or anything of that sort. "Dildo" is a great word that means "penis-shaped sex toy for vaginal or anal penetration".

However, a sex toy designed to simulate a vagina/vuvla has no simple name. There's a brand-name or several out there, such as Fleshlight, but no general word to describe that class of object. Most descriptions are of the "pocket pussy", "masturbatory sleeve", or "fake vagina" sort. There's no single word to describe such a sex toy. There is no opposite-gender version of "dildo".

And then, to further kick us when we're down, women and gay men have another single-word description for their sex toys that is even more discreet: "Vibrator". Sure, they focus on clitoral stimulation as opposed to penetration, but let's face it: They make them phallic-shaped for a reason.

...And if they want to get really vague, they can say "massager".

But straight guys? If we need to refer to a sex toy, there's no way to say it without it requiring at least a couple words, and we're stuck being much more blatant about it.

We need a single non-descriptive word to describe ALL sex toys modeled after the female genitalia; One that doesn't come out and say "vagina", "vulva", or "pussy" (or any other slang terms for it, either). A simple, clean word that says, "Soft, vagina-like sleeve with optional molded vulva designed for male masturbation".

As a writer, these things concern me. It would be easier to write lusty stories if I had a single word to refer to straight men's sex toys. As yet, I'm unaware of a single word to accurately and specifically describe these vagina-like toys.

/Honestly, I don't know whether or not lesbians bother with pocket vaginas, so I excluded them here.
/ ...


"Fleshlight" has kinda become an all-encompassing term for the male masturbators. Pocket pussies. Whatever you wanna call them. At least at the shop I worked at. Nothing cracks us up more than embarrassed people in a sex shop.

/no, I will not whisper to you, ma'am
//no, I can't read your mind about what you want to see, so gesturing vaguely and glaring at me doesn't really help
 
2013-04-19 06:54:07 PM  

Torgo_of_Manos: Tyrosine: In my younger days we would go to open houses and leave dildos

That must of, eventually, become rather expensive.


In university I had a part time job as a superintendent at a condo. In addition to the condo stuff we had about 20 rental units to look after. When people moved out they'd often abandon stuff. and once or twice a year we'd find a dildo (once we found a whole bag of dildos - all purple gel ones of various sizes).

/The dildos were useful for two reasons (besides that for which they were manufactured): 1) Ruining the day of real estate agents (as described above) and 2) People who abandoned stuff generally owed money, so we'd file a small claims court action against them and include photos of all their stuff, dildos included, in our filings. Most folks settled rather than go to court.
 
2013-04-19 06:54:35 PM  

khyberkitsune: ZeroCorpse: There is no opposite-gender version of "dildo".

Pocket Pussy.


Yeah... I covered that. It's not ideal. It's not a single word. It's too descriptive.

We're looking for a single word that's as concise and specific as "dildo", and it just doesn't exist yet.
 
2013-04-19 06:57:30 PM  

FlashHarry: "giant?" looks small to me.


it's only 5 inches.  i'm BIGGER!!
 
2013-04-19 07:04:16 PM  

ZeroCorpse: khyberkitsune: ZeroCorpse: There is no opposite-gender version of "dildo".

Pocket Pussy.

Yeah... I covered that. It's not ideal. It's not a single word. It's too descriptive.

We're looking for a single word that's as concise and specific as "dildo", and it just doesn't exist yet.


Pildo
 
2013-04-19 07:06:19 PM  

ZeroCorpse: khyberkitsune: ZeroCorpse: There is no opposite-gender version of "dildo".

Pocket Pussy.

Yeah... I covered that. It's not ideal. It's not a single word. It's too descriptive.

We're looking for a single word that's as concise and specific as "dildo", and it just doesn't exist yet.


"Pram" isn't used much anymore, would that do?
"Cramming in the pram" has a nice ring to it.
 
2013-04-19 07:06:50 PM  

noitsnot: theknuckler_33: At any rate, I dated a wild chick once who told me to get the dildo and I had no other choice but to ask "which one?".

All of them


I'm not sure how I would have reacted to that response. Maybe she wasn't as wild as I thought. ;)
 
2013-04-19 07:10:57 PM  

Thelyphthoric: ZeroCorpse: khyberkitsune: ZeroCorpse: There is no opposite-gender version of "dildo".

Pocket Pussy.

Yeah... I covered that. It's not ideal. It's not a single word. It's too descriptive.

We're looking for a single word that's as concise and specific as "dildo", and it just doesn't exist yet.

"Pram" isn't used much anymore, would that do?
"Cramming in the pram" has a nice ring to it.


I'm sorry, but that just makes me think of baby carriages*, and I'd rather not think of baby carriages when talking about male masturbation. I especially wouldn't want anyone to confuse my meaning if I said I wanted to "cram in the pram" or "stick it in the pram".

* "pram" is short for "perambulator", a type of large baby cart.
 
2013-04-19 07:20:12 PM  

ZeroCorpse: I'm sorry, but that just makes me think of baby carriages*, and I'd rather not think of baby carriages when talking about male masturbation. I especially wouldn't want anyone to confuse my meaning if I said I wanted to "cram in the pram" or "stick it in the pram".

* "pram" is short for "perambulator", a type of large baby cart.


True.  I had the "small non-pointy rowboat" version of the word in my head.
 
2013-04-19 07:38:59 PM  

Torgo_of_Manos: Tyrosine: In my younger days we would go to open houses and leave dildos

That must of, eventually, become rather expensive.


It doesn't cost anything if it's a made-up story.

(The dildos were SOLID GOLD..... no, really)
 
2013-04-19 07:53:31 PM  

serial_crusher: FloydA: Nonsense, subby.  If I found out the BBC wanted to interview me in my own home, I'd spend hours "decorating" the place with all sorts of easter eggs for the interwebs to find.  He probably raced out and bought that just for the interview.

"citizen, please clear the streets.  There's a dangerous madman on the loose."
"but I've gotta buy a dildo right now"
"oh, carry on then"


That would be my response, but that's proably why I'm not a cop.
 
2013-04-19 09:14:30 PM  

FlashHarry: "giant?" looks small to me.


You've taken a lot larger, eh?
 
2013-04-19 09:14:58 PM  

Magnus: serial_crusher: Also, I never post screenshots of web pages without "accidentally" having some incriminating tabs open.  Nobody at work has called me out on it yet.  One such screenshot even made its way to a customer.

you I would seriously consider hiring for the LOLZ, but would then wisely think better of it.


I should clarify a little bit.  I didn't send it directly to the customer.  I'm an engineer.  You want to keep me as far away from the customer as you can.  I want you to keep me as far away from the customer as you can.

But I put stuff like that in examples etc that I send to the customer facing guys to keep them from just forwarding my stuff on to the customers.  They need to understand what I'm telling them so they don't have to come to me next time they have the same question.

The one that made it to the customer was a screenshot of a product reviews page, where the product being reviewed was a "Hello Kitty Fleshlight" with some mildly suggestive text in the body of the review.  I think that one was subtle enough that the customer didn't catch it either.
 
2013-04-19 09:15:38 PM  

ZeroCorpse: Here's my complaint:

A phallic sex toy is called a dildo. It's a simple, easy, general word to describe a specific class of object. When you say "Get the dildo" your partner will know what you're talking about, and somehow it just sounds better than "Get the fake dick" or "Get the rubber dong" or anything of that sort. "Dildo" is a great word that means "penis-shaped sex toy for vaginal or anal penetration".

However, a sex toy designed to simulate a vagina/vuvla has no simple name. There's a brand-name or several out there, such as Fleshlight, but no general word to describe that class of object. Most descriptions are of the "pocket pussy", "masturbatory sleeve", or "fake vagina" sort. There's no single word to describe such a sex toy. There is no opposite-gender version of "dildo".

And then, to further kick us when we're down, women and gay men have another single-word description for their sex toys that is even more discreet: "Vibrator". Sure, they focus on clitoral stimulation as opposed to penetration, but let's face it: They make them phallic-shaped for a reason.

...And if they want to get really vague, they can say "massager".

But straight guys? If we need to refer to a sex toy, there's no way to say it without it requiring at least a couple words, and we're stuck being much more blatant about it.

We need a single non-descriptive word to describe ALL sex toys modeled after the female genitalia; One that doesn't come out and say "vagina", "vulva", or "pussy" (or any other slang terms for it, either). A simple, clean word that says, "Soft, vagina-like sleeve with optional molded vulva designed for male masturbation".

As a writer, these things concern me. It would be easier to write lusty stories if I had a single word to refer to straight men's sex toys. As yet, I'm unaware of a single word to accurately and specifically describe these vagina-like toys.

/Honestly, I don't know whether or not lesbians bother with pocket vaginas, so I excluded them here.
/ ...


What about "Fifi"?

Generally a prison term for a hand-made artificial vagina, but I see no reason it can't be the same as a pocket pussy.
 
2013-04-19 09:22:07 PM  

heywood-jablome: No one's posted the Maplewood Drug Bust Dildo video yet?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-10DgWsSZNc


Came here to post this.  Thanks for saving me the trouble.
 
2013-04-19 09:35:13 PM  

brap: They hate us because of our free dongs.


We have the right to bear dong?
 
2013-04-19 09:47:43 PM  

Skraeling: brap: They hate us because of our free dongs.

We have the right to bear dong?


You didn't come out here to hunt, did you?
 
2013-04-19 10:53:45 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: Or, it could have at least been pink with a brown colored head.


Not any more. He washed it.
 
2013-04-20 12:39:43 AM  

wambu: FlashHarry: [i36.tinypic.com image 600x436]

[i.imgur.com image 295x309]


Forget Afghanistan. When is the US going to pull out of Mexico?
 
2013-04-20 01:17:36 AM  
juddcc:
"BBC, meet BPC"

Was waiting for that one.
 
2013-04-20 01:21:23 AM  
ZeroCorpse
"/Honestly, I don't know whether or not lesbians bother with pocket vaginas, so I excluded them here."

I'm fairly certain that lesbians do not, in fact, bother with pocket vaginas.
 
2013-04-20 02:06:16 AM  

brap: They hate us because of our free dongs.


You win, my friend, take my internets!
 
2013-04-20 09:36:12 AM  

Tyrosine: ICDedPpl: House shopping...
[cache.gawkerassets.com image 850x478]

CSB: In my younger days we would go to open houses and leave dildos, condom wrappers, lube, etc at random locations. Favorites included stuffing  condom wrappers under the sheets of a bed, throwing (unwrapped) condoms in the toilet, and discretely placing a dildo in a display cabinet in the living room.


I like the cut of your jib.
 
2013-04-20 09:42:23 AM  

khyberkitsune: Punt. Pocket coont.


pussy-in-a-can
 
2013-04-20 11:48:19 AM  
First thing I thought of when I saw the headline.

Photo taken by me at the Atlanta show

i273.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-20 11:58:06 AM  
Hahaha.  Reminds me of a time a few years back at a weekly poker game when one of the players came in and said, "Which one of you assholes wrote 'buttplugs' on my shopping list?"  (He keeps a shopping list on a white board on the wall.)  Nobody remembered doing it at first then one guy said, "I remember writing something at the BBQ but that was a month or two back."  "It's been on there since the BBQ??? I have clients in my house!!!"  "They must think you go through a lot of buttplugs."

Also had a coworker much farther back who kept a vibrator similar to this on her desk.

www.mylilo.com
 
2013-04-20 06:10:32 PM  

icepriestess: Arkanaut: brap: They hate us because of our free dongs.

FREE dongs? Did somebody get an Obamadong?

Why yes. I did.

[www.vh1.com image 300x633]


That looks more like Jamie Foxx
 
Displayed 36 of 136 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report