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(The New York Times)   Dzhokhar Who?   ( divider line
    More: Interesting, Dzokhar, Chechen, Latin School  
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12467 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Apr 2013 at 12:18 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-04-19 12:42:00 PM  
6 votes:
Libs:  Please let it be white supremacists!
Cons:  Please let it be Muslims!
God:  Looks like you get...puts on sunglasses...Caucasian Muslims!
2013-04-19 02:09:53 PM  
4 votes:

nucular bum: Dzokhar Smokhar Midnight Tokhar.

/he gets his lovin' on the run
//he sure did want to kill someone

I'm just going to call him Maurice...
2013-04-19 01:39:07 PM  
3 votes:

Fano: he squandered his resistance on a pocket full of mumbles such are promises

Clearly he's taken being a boxer and a fighter by his trade to heart.

/lie la lie *BOOM!*, lie la lie lie la la lie, lie la lie *BOOM!*
//I'll show myself out
2013-04-19 03:22:29 PM  
2 votes:
Today a reign of terror ended when the notorious Tsarnaev brothers, Dzhokhar and Tamerlan, after one of the most extraordinary pursuits in American legal history, were sentenced to 20 consecutive death sentences for crimes of violence.We examined the rise to power of the Tsarnaevs, the methods they used to falcon-punch little children and their subsequent tracking down and execution by the brilliant Superintendent Harry 'Snapper' Organs of the Boston PD.

Dzhokhar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev were born, on probation, in a small house in Kipling Road, Dorchester, the eldest sons in a family of sixteen.Their father Arthur Tsarnaev, a scrap metal dealer and TV quizmaster, was well known to the police, and a devout Muslim. In 1928 he had married Kitty Malone, an up-and-coming Mattapan boxer.Dzhokhar was born in February 1994 and Tamerlan two weeks later; and again a week after that.Someone who remembers them well was their next-door neighbor, Mrs April Simnel.

MRS SIMNEL: "Oh yes Kipling Road was a typical Dorchester Street, people were in and out of each other's houses with each other's property all day.They were a cheery lot.Cheerful and violent.Dzhokhar was keen on boxing, but when he learned to walk he took up putting the boot in the groin. He was very interested in that. His mother had a terrible job getting him to come in for tea.Putting his little boot in he'd be, bless him.All the kids were like that then, they didn't have their heads stuffed with all this Cartesian dualism."

At the age of fifteen Dzhokhar and Tamerlan started attending the Ernest Pythagoras Primary School in Brockton.When the Tsarnaevs left school they were called up but were found by recruiters to be too unstable even for the Marines.Denied the opportunity to use their talents in the service of their country, they began to operate what they called 'The Operation'...They would select a victim and then threaten to beat him up if he paid the so-called protection money.Four months later they started another operation which the called 'The Other Operation'.In this racket they selected another victim and threatened not to beat him up if he didn't pay them.One month later they hit upon 'The Other Other Operation'.In this the victim was threatened that if he didn't pay them, they would beat him up. This for the Tsarnaev brothers was the turning point.

Dzhokhar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev now formed a gang, which the called 'The Gang' and used terror to take over night clubs, billiard halls, gaming casinos and race tracks.When they tried to take over the Red Sox they were, for the only time in their lives, slit up a treat.As their empire spread however, Boston PD were keeping tabs on their every move by reading the Globe.

One small-time operator who fell foul of Tamerlan Tsarnaev was Vince Snetterton-Lewis.

SNETTERTON-LEWIS: "Well one day I was at home threatening the kids when I looks out through the hole in the wall and sees this tank pull up and out gets one of Tamerlan's boys, so he comes in nice and friendly and says Tamerlan wants to have a word with me, so he chains me to the back of the tank and takes me for a scrape round to Tamerlan's place and Tamerlan's there in the conversation pit with Dzhokhar and Albert DeSalvo, and two film producers and a man they called 'Kierkegaard', who just sat there biting the heads of whippets and Tamerlan says 'I hear you've been a naughty boy Clement' and he splits me nostrils open and saws me leg off and pulls me liver out and I tell him my name's not Clement and then he loses his temper and nails me head to the floor."

Another man who had his head nailed to the floor was Stig O'Tracy.

ROGERS: I've been told Tamerlan Tsarnaev nailed your head to the floor.

STIG:No.Never.He was a smashing bloke.He used to buy his mother flowers and that.He was like a brother to me.

ROGERS: But the police have film of Tamerlan actually nailing your head to the floor.

STIG:(pause) Oh yeah, he did that.


STIG:Well he had to, didn't he?I mean there was nothing else he could do, be fair.I had transgressed the unwritten law.

ROGERS: What had you done?

STIG:Er...well he didn't tell me that, but he gave me his word that it was the case, and that's good enough for me with old Tammy.I mean, he didn't *want* to nail my head to the floor.I had to insist.He wanted to let me off.He'd do anything for you, Tamerlan would.

ROGERS: And you don't bear him a grudge?

STIG:A grudge!Old Tammy.He was a real darling.

ROGERS: I understand he also nailed your wife's head to a coffee table. Isn't that true Mrs O'Tracy?

MRS O'TRACY: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

STIG: ...Well he did do that, yeah.He was a hard man. Vicious but fair.

Vince Snetterton-Lewis agreed with this judgement.

SNETTERTON-LEWIS: Yes, definitely he was fair.After he nailed me head to the table, I used to go round every Sunday lunchtime to his flat and apologise, and then we'd shake hands and he'd nail me head to the floor.He was very reasonable.Once, one Sunday I told him my parents were coming round to tea and would he mind very much not nailing my head that week and he agreed and just screwed my pelvis to a cake stand."

Clearly Tamerlan inspired tremendous fear among his business associates.But what was he really like? Gloria Pules knew him intimately.

PULES: "I walked out with Tamerlan on many occasions and found him a charming and erudite companion.He was wont to introduce one to eminent celebrities, celebrated British singers, members of the government and other gang leaders, whom he had met through his work for charities. He took a warm interest in Boys' Clubs, Sailors' Homes, Choristers' Associations and the Boston Archdiocese.

ROGERS: There was nothing unusual about him?

PULES: "I should say not.Except, that Tamerlan was convinced that he was being watched by a giant hedgehog whom he referred to as 'Spiny Norman'. Normally Spiny Norman was wont to be about twelve feet from snout to tail, but when Tamerlan was depressed Norman could be anything up to eight hundred yards long.When Norman was about Tamerlan would go very quiet and start wobbling and his nose would swell up and his teeth would move about and he'd get very violent and claim that he'd laid Mitt Romney. He was a gentleman, Tamerlan, and what's more he knew how to treat a female impersonator."

But what do the criminologists think?We asked The Amazing Kargol and Janet:

"It is easy for us to judge Tamerlan Tsarnaev too harshly.After all he only did what many of us simply dream of doing...I'm sorry.After all we should remember that a murderer is only an extroverted suicide.Tamerlan was a looney, but he was a happy looney.Lucky bugger."

Most of the strange tales concern Tamerlan, but what about Dzhokhar?One man who met him was Luigi Vercotti.

"I had been running a successful escort agency -- high class, no really, high class girls -- we didn't have any of *that* -- that was right out.So I decided to open a high class night club for the gentry at Lynn with International cuisine and cooking and top line acts, and not a cheap clip joint for picking up tarts -- that was right out, I deny that completely --, and one evening in walks Tamerlan with a couple of big lads, one of whom was carrying a tactical nuclear missile.They said I had bought one of their vending machines and would I pay for it?They wanted three quarters of a million dollars.I thought about it and decided not to go to the Police as I had noticed that the lad with the thermonuclear device was the police chief for the area.So a week later they called again and told me the check had bounced and said...I had to see...Dzhokhar. Well, I was terrified. Everyone was terrified of Dzhokhar.I've seen grown men pull their own heads off rather than see Dzhokhar. Even Tamerlan was frightened of Dzhokhar.He used...sarcasm.He knew all the tricks, dramatic irony, metaphor, bathos, puns, parody, litotes and...satire.He was vicious."

In this way, by a combination of violence and sarcasm, the Tsarnaev brothers by February 2011 controlled Boston and Eastern Massachusetts.It was in February, though, that Tamerlan made a big mistake. Latterly Tamerlan had become increasingly worried about Spiny Norman.He had come to the conclusion that Norman slept in an airplane hangar at Logan Airport.And so on Feb 22nd 1966, [cut to thermonuclear explosion at Logan].

Even the police began to sit up and take notice.The Tsarnaevs realized they had gone too far and that the hunt was on.They went into hiding.But it was too late.Harry 'Snapper' Organs was on the trail.

"I decided on a subtle approach, viz. some form of disguise, as the old helmet and boots are a bit of a giveaway.Luckily my years with Boston Rep. stood me in good stead, as I assumed a bewildering variety of disguises.I tracked them to Duxbury, posing as the Reverend Smiler Egret.Hearing they'd gone back to Boston, I assumed the identity of a pork butcher, Brian Stoats.On my arrival in Boston, I discovered they had returned to Duxbury, I followed as Gloucester from King Lear.Acting on a hunch I spent several months in Buenos Aires as Blind Pew, returning through the Panama Canal as Ratty, in Toad of Toad Hall. Back in Duxbury, I relived my triumph as Sancho Panza in Man of la Mancha which the Duxbury Clipper described as 'a glittering performance of rare perception', although the Globe was less than enthusiastic. In fact it gave me a right panning.I quote:'as for the performance of Superintendent Harry "Snapper" Organs as Sancho Panza, the audience were bemused by his high-pitched Maine accent and intimidated by his abusive ad-libs.' The Patriot Ledger said: 'Sancho Panza (Mr Organs) spoilt an otherwise impeccably choreographed rape scene by his unscheduled appearance and persistent cries of "What's all this then?"'"

2013-04-19 01:44:01 PM  
2 votes:

MindStalker: [ image 600x338]

Come on man, you can't bother taking off the Hoodie for one damn minute while talking to this reporter!

He looks like Ethnic Clip Art Model #4
2013-04-19 03:40:13 PM  
1 vote:

MickCollins: The one kid is named Tamerlan. The family named him after Tamerlane. Tamerlane was a piece of shiat of historical proportions. Even other muslims hated Tamerlane. It'd be like a German naming their kid Adolp or an Italian naming their kid Mussolin. No wonder the kid ended up a nutter.

First name in Terror since 1371.
turkishnews.comView Full Size
2013-04-19 02:05:53 PM  
1 vote:
images1.wikia.nocookie.netView Full Size
2013-04-19 01:54:38 PM  
1 vote:
Dzhokhar's closest friends were a group known among their classmates as "stoners," according to Mr. Rahman.

Apparently Dzhokhar was a Szhmokhar and a midnight Tokhar.  Too bad he wanted to hurt someone.
2013-04-19 01:49:33 PM  
1 vote:

FloydA: onzmadi: Dzhokhar Who?Dzhokhar Who?   Dzhokhar Who!?

No, it's just "The Dzhokhar."

[ image 612x612]

First Matt Smith, now this guy? The Doctors keep getting worse and worse.
2013-04-19 12:50:37 PM  
1 vote:
radiotimes.comView Full Size

2013-04-19 12:44:38 PM  
1 vote:
Dzho-not gonna work here anymore!  Am I right?
2013-04-19 12:44:05 PM  
1 vote:
Didn't he sing "Lay Lady Lay"?

i536.photobucket.comView Full Size
2013-04-19 12:37:16 PM  
1 vote:
Dzokhar Smokhar Midnight Tokhar.

/he gets his lovin' on the run
//he sure did want to kill someone
2013-04-19 12:36:02 PM  
1 vote:

onzmadi: Dzhokhar Who?Dzhokhar Who?   Dzhokhar Who!?

No, it's just "The Dzhokhar."

i105.photobucket.comView Full Size
2013-04-19 12:24:15 PM  
1 vote:
Manchurian Candidates?

jonathanrosenbaum.comView Full Size
2013-04-19 12:20:16 PM  
1 vote:
Soon-to-be-living-the-rest-of-his-short-ass-life-in-excruciating-pain Dzhokhar, that's who.
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