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(ABC) NewsFlash The latest: Boston Marathon bombing suspects identified. One dead, manhunt for the second is underway, ALL OF BOSTON on lockdown   (abcnews.go.com) divider line 314
    More: NewsFlash, Boston Marathon, Massachusetts State Police, Watertown, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev  
•       •       •

22434 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Apr 2013 at 11:34 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»


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Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-04-19 07:37:35 AM  
15 votes:
This whole thing seems like Mad Libs by Tom Clancy
2013-04-19 09:21:59 AM  
11 votes:
Woah, I recognize this kid.  I wrestled against him in high school.  He had this one move called the Chechnyan Pretzel.  Basically, he'd come storming out, grab you by the legs and arms and twist you into a farking pretzel.  He looks small but must have had some extra chromosomes are some shiat, because he could open canned goods with his farking teeth.  Anyway, nobody could even come close to beating the son of a biatch.  And I had to wrestle him in the first round of our State tourney!

When the whistle blew, I came charging out and he came charging out.  Just like lightning, he grabbed and twisted me around.  I was upside down and turned around before I knew what hit me.  Then I saw it - dangling out of a singlet, a pair of hairy testicles!  Cheating be damned, I craned my neck and sunk my teeth into the farkers.  I pinned him half a second later.

Coach asked me how I won and I told him about the ball bite.  He asked, "You bit his nuts?"  And I had to admit, "No, they were mine!"
2013-04-19 07:59:43 AM  
9 votes:

Dr.Zom: Kid's pretty damn evasive for a 20 year old.


I read somewhere that he's 6' and 130 lbs. Which, coming from a fellow slim person, means he could sneak into some pretty tiny spaces.

/posting from a utensil drawer
2013-04-19 07:47:40 AM  
9 votes:
If Bush was still President, we would be staging our invasion of Czechoslavakiia.
2013-04-19 07:40:05 AM  
8 votes:
anyone taking bets on how long until 'chechnyan pressure cooker' becomes either a college bar drink or a sexual act involving a Mason jar and 17 benwah balls?
2013-04-19 08:31:34 AM  
7 votes:
This just in. CNN's reporting that the 7-11 clerk wasn't even supposed to be there that day.
2013-04-19 08:04:08 AM  
7 votes:

DamnYankees: This kid must be scared beyond his mind right now. Not that we need to feel bad for him, but just from a sociological point of view, imagine how farked he must feel.


Keep farking that Chechen.
2013-04-19 07:32:20 AM  
7 votes:
chechnyans.  so people who said it was white people are right.  and people who said ti was muslims are right.

everybody wins!!!

except those without legs.
2013-04-19 09:14:48 AM  
6 votes:

Coco LaFemme: I'm not reading through over 1000 posts......someone give me a recap on what's happened.


Well, let's see. First the earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil. And then the Arabs came and they bought Mercedes Benzes. And Prince Charles started wearing all of Lady Di's clothes. I couldn't believe it.
2013-04-19 09:09:50 AM  
6 votes:
Keep farking that Chechen...
2013-04-19 09:05:29 AM  
6 votes:
Hello, My name is Dzhokhar Tsarnaev . You killed my brother. Prepare to die
i81.photobucket.com
2013-04-19 10:10:08 AM  
5 votes:

Mrfusticle: Right wing Islamists? Right wing tea tards? What's the difference?

/about 300 pounds


img684.imageshack.us
2013-04-19 08:51:03 AM  
5 votes:
Right, these dudes have 5 Stars in Grand Theft Auto right now.

When the Helicopter is after you, you know you're farked.

Time to reset the game, bro.
2013-04-19 07:59:23 AM  
5 votes:
Hey! Maybe the marathon bombing was a false flag to cover the 711 robbery!
2013-04-19 07:30:22 AM  
5 votes:
Boston: "You mess around with us on Monday, we kill you by Friday. WE DO NOT F*CK AROUND"
2013-04-19 07:30:07 AM  
5 votes:
...and they managed to do it without shooting up any pickup trucks with women!
2013-04-19 11:13:40 AM  
4 votes:
24.media.tumblr.com

Faster, dammit! Information overload.
2013-04-19 10:24:49 AM  
4 votes:

starbuckisagirl: So they have a Russian interrupter if I heard that right...


Actually, it's just an Irishman and a fifth of Stoli.
2013-04-19 10:03:56 AM  
4 votes:
It's gonna be a white guy.

It's gonna be a Muslim.

No, it's gonna be a WHITE GUY!

NO, IT'S GONNA BE A MUSLIM!

assets.diylol.com

Ha! You were wrong!

No, YOU were wrong!

NO, YOU WERE WRONG!

NO, YOU WERE WRONG!
2013-04-19 09:59:45 AM  
4 votes:

TravelingRetard: I've been waiting 6 hours to say this.  Holy Fark!

I've been following the threads of this event all day- finally prompted to create an acct after lurking for over a decade.


Welcome! I offer the standard greeting that I received when first joining Fark.

TITS OR GTFO
2013-04-19 09:54:27 AM  
4 votes:
i1055.photobucket.com
2013-04-19 09:41:27 AM  
4 votes:

Grand_Moff_Joseph: Cybernetic: Just came over the police scanner:

"He is posting online, 'I will kill all of you as you killed my brother.'"

WHAT THE FARK?!?!  HE'S ON THE SCANNER???


THE CHECHEN IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE DISPATCH OFFICE.
2013-04-19 09:13:21 AM  
4 votes:
He'll probably forget to log out and someone will post, "I'm gay" ruining his social life.
2013-04-19 08:55:14 AM  
4 votes:
img16.imageshack.us
2013-04-19 08:37:11 AM  
4 votes:
Suspect has taken control of a police horse.  Mounted patrol in pursuit.  Speeds reaching cantor, perhaps gallop.
2013-04-19 07:37:47 AM  
4 votes:
This is what happens when you come from a land with a major  vowel shortage.
2013-04-19 10:33:57 AM  
3 votes:
THIS JUST IN ON THE SCANNER!

THE COMMAND CENTER IS GETTING ICE AND LUNCH!!


REPEAT


ICE AND LUNCH!!


AND CHAIRS TOO!!!
2013-04-19 10:11:25 AM  
3 votes:
i.imgur.com
2013-04-19 10:06:42 AM  
3 votes:
CNN has reported Duke still sucks.
2013-04-19 09:26:04 AM  
3 votes:
CNN reporting they are czechoslovakian interior decorators.

img2.timeinc.net
2013-04-19 09:21:06 AM  
3 votes:

Theory Of Null: I just heard a bang.


That was me and your MOM
2013-04-19 09:15:55 AM  
3 votes:
 I'm not reading through over 1000 posts......someone give me a recap on what's happened.

media.tumblr.com
2013-04-19 08:07:56 AM  
3 votes:
I'm a smoker, I'm a Dzhokhar, I'm an FBI provoker...
2013-04-19 07:42:02 AM  
3 votes:

SundaesChild: thisiszombocom: why the fark did they rob a 7-11??

im guessing they coulda remained free for months more

They really wanted a Big Gulp.


From reddit:

Perp's gotta slurp
2013-04-19 07:41:20 AM  
3 votes:

SundaesChild: thisiszombocom: why the fark did they rob a 7-11??

im guessing they coulda remained free for months more

They really wanted a Big Gulp.


They were supposedly heading for NYC at one point early on in this epic mess, so Big Gulps make sense since it's difficult to get those there.
2013-04-19 07:38:57 AM  
3 votes:

Debeo Summa Credo: zerkalo: farking chechens

Chechnya, huh?

For all those predicting that they'd be white - step up and claim your prize.

For all those claiming they'd be middle eastern Islamic terrorists - step up and claim your prize.
.


static.oprah.com

You get a prize! You get a prize! You get a prize! EVERYONE GETS A PRIZE!
2013-04-19 07:35:35 AM  
3 votes:
2013-04-19 11:41:44 AM  
2 votes:

lifeboat: Fark, I want to know absolutely everything that's happened up till now.


Well, let's see. First the earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil. And then the Arabs came and they bought Mercedes Benzes. And Prince Charles started wearing all of Lady Di's clothes. I couldn't believe it. 

/I'm sure someone else posted this, too.
//sorry
2013-04-19 11:23:08 AM  
2 votes:

ha-ha-guy: d23: Robots are trying to undress the guy?

Getting awfully rapey in Boston now.


1.bp.blogspot.com

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/old-glory-insurance/n10 76 6/
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-04-19 11:12:25 AM  
2 votes:
Robots are trying to undress the guy?
2013-04-19 11:10:39 AM  
2 votes:

Grand_Moff_Joseph: This is a real-life episode of 24.  Seriously.


img2-2.timeinc.net

I sure hope not.
2013-04-19 11:06:25 AM  
2 votes:

mrmyxolodian: Autocorrect...
Thanks fark for going down when I need you most.





i.imgur.com

R.I.P. JUST WHEN I NEEDED YOU MOST

2013-04-19 11:04:37 AM  
2 votes:
ƨwɘn lɒɘɿ ƨ'ɘɿɘʜƚ nɘʜw ƨbɿɒwʞɔɒd nuɿ ƨɿɘvɿɘƨ ʞɿɒᖷ i.imgur.com
2013-04-19 11:02:49 AM  
2 votes:
"Dzhokhar"d in the motherfarkin' paint nubian! FLOCKA!
2013-04-19 10:49:35 AM  
2 votes:

urger: What's a code 6?




Well, that's where we go a-ridin' into town, a-whompin' and a-whumpin' every livin' thing that moves within an inch of its life. Except the women folks, of course.
2013-04-19 10:47:52 AM  
2 votes:
60 to 70 years old? This kid aged 50 years just in the past day? What, did he drink from the false Grail or something?
2013-04-19 10:41:16 AM  
2 votes:
i1182.photobucket.com
2013-04-19 10:33:12 AM  
2 votes:

GoldSpider: Mrfusticle: So if fundie Islamists aren't right wing what are they then? Commies?

You said there is -NO- difference between fundamentalist Islam and the Tea Party.  Nobody could be that dim.


No, he asked what the difference was. And answered it with a punchline.

Right wing Islamists? Right wing tea tards? What's the difference?

/about 300 pounds
2013-04-19 10:32:10 AM  
2 votes:

styckx: CNN is down to interviewing a kid who went to HS w/ suspect #2 and had a conservation with someone who had a conversation with suspect #2 about terrorism. ..

Holy shiat.. This reaching..


At 31 flavors last night?
2013-04-19 10:28:12 AM  
2 votes:

jso2897: Nihilists.


www.julienslive.com
2013-04-19 10:26:35 AM  
2 votes:
is that a pressure cooker?

img.photobucket.com

nailed it
2013-04-19 10:23:38 AM  
2 votes:

starbuckisagirl: So they have a Russian interrupter if I heard that right...


"This is important. Listen carefully to what -- "

"Векж ан чтэт волуптариа"

"Goddammit."
2013-04-19 10:19:55 AM  
2 votes:
i.imgur.com
Your Russian's going to make it to Cambridge, Mr. Ryan.
He's going to die within sight of it.
2013-04-19 10:13:31 AM  
2 votes:

Theaetetus: JerseyTim: I think we found a motivation: Apparently, he went to Prom with Snooki.

[s3-ec.buzzfed.com image 625x838]
What a butterface. All beige and blocky.


I have found the explosive devices:

i.imgur.com
2013-04-19 10:13:25 AM  
2 votes:

Dimensio: Grand_Moff_Joseph: lol, scanner reporting that the K9 dogs are over hours, and need to go on break

Holy Crap, scanner just said the spent round they just found was a .40cal

.40S&W is a caliber often used by police officers.


We need 30 boxes of beggin strips, stat!
2013-04-19 10:12:14 AM  
2 votes:

Vodka Zombie: Matthew Keene: Vodka Zombie: funk_soul_bubby: Fox 25 now interviewing some chick who farked him...

Awesome!  More Fox-based slut shaming.

Well, he is kinda cute. I'd do him. Well, if not for all that cop killing, Marathon Bombing, 7-11 robbing shiat.

Dude.  Everyone has baggage.


Well, there went the coffee.
2013-04-19 10:09:53 AM  
2 votes:
l.yimg.com

Pissed-off Irish guys in body armor.

This is an IRA wet dream

I think the one on the right is Cardinal Egan
2013-04-19 10:09:22 AM  
2 votes:
I'm surprised it took the PD that long to turn off their feed. Social media sure makes hostage situations and police standoffs kind of strange.

i50.tinypic.com
2013-04-19 10:08:17 AM  
2 votes:

Silly Jesus: But Fark told me it would be right wing TeaTards?!?!?!

And it turned out to be more crazy Islamists?

You let me down, Fark.


Right wing Islamists? Right wing tea tards? What's the difference?

/about 300 pounds
2013-04-19 10:05:20 AM  
2 votes:
I think we found a motivation: Apparently, he went to Prom with Snooki.
2013-04-19 09:55:53 AM  
2 votes:

Grand_Moff_Joseph: Suspicious package at Gillette Stadium!

/Where's Belichik now?


Dammit, Raider Nation, get over it!
2013-04-19 09:50:58 AM  
2 votes:

al's hat: neversubmit: I'm bored with this, when is the next thing going to go boom?

When I go see your mom later...


She's dead so, have fun!
2013-04-19 09:39:57 AM  
2 votes:
I don't want to scare anyone but...

img.photobucket.com

www.quotesworthrepeating.com
2013-04-19 09:38:47 AM  
2 votes:
Maud Dib:
Awww, shall I fetch your fainting couch?

i must be going crosseyed - i read that as 'feltch your taint, grouch'

i like my version better.
2013-04-19 09:36:50 AM  
2 votes:

thisiszombocom: from twitter, when the polie/army was surrounding the suspects's house:  http://twitter.com/shawna_england/status/325188104912785408

way to give away the police's position
[pbs.twimg.com image 600x600]


*opens window*
"Hey you two assholes! Get off my damn shed!"
2013-04-19 09:29:40 AM  
2 votes:
Current hilarious Freerepublic thread:


Czech ambassador to visit scene of plant explosion


Posted on  19/4/2013 14:20:52 byTheDon


The ambassador to the United States from Chechnya is visiting West, Texas, site of the recent explosion due to the many immigrants from Chechnya who live there.

(Excerpt) Read more at
2013-04-19 09:28:16 AM  
2 votes:

MaliFinn: Lt. Cheese Weasel: Chris Matthews was rushed to a local hospital after learning that the suspects were not white guys.

Except they are white guys.


You can't get more Caucasian than two guys from the Caucasus region of Russia...
2013-04-19 09:27:48 AM  
2 votes:
spentmiles lookit what you farkin did

you have pissed off the Boston Police
2013-04-19 09:24:11 AM  
2 votes:

Walker: FOX news bimbo just pronounced his name as "Joe Car"


upload.wikimedia.org
"Fools"
2013-04-19 09:21:23 AM  
2 votes:

Crewmannumber6: Well, let's see. First the earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil.


"...math, science, history. Unraveling the mystery!"
2013-04-19 09:19:49 AM  
2 votes:
CNN just announced Romney the winner.
2013-04-19 09:19:01 AM  
2 votes:
According to the scanner, they're calling in a ballistic canine. I wasn't even aware we had suborbital canines.
2013-04-19 09:17:06 AM  
2 votes:

Coco LaFemme: I'm not reading through over 1000 posts......someone give me a recap on what's happened.


Herp and derp.
2013-04-19 09:16:08 AM  
2 votes:

Coco LaFemme: I'm not reading through over 1000 posts......someone give me a recap on what's happened.


slurpee, bang, boom, screech, boom, bang, bang, bangboomsqueelsquish, raccoon, hoodies-a-poppin', dogs-a-barkin, cancel the whole city's picnic, perimeters that don't perimet very well, and a boston police officer that's apparently fine with being Mr. In and Out Real Quck.
2013-04-19 09:15:51 AM  
2 votes:

Hardy-r-r: I swear this was an episode on '24'



COUGAR SPOTTED.
2013-04-19 09:09:29 AM  
2 votes:

zerkalo: Dumbass in a hoodie


I know, I know.  It's serious.
2013-04-19 09:06:49 AM  
2 votes:

Debeo Summa Credo: Hobodeluxe: they said he is posting online " I will kill all you just like you killed my brother"

Classic.


2.bp.blogspot.com
2013-04-19 09:03:22 AM  
2 votes:
The reporter just said, "We may have this guy pinned at this time."  We?  What the fark do you have to do with it?  Go pick up a gun and kick a farking a door down if you want to say we.  That's what I'd do.
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-04-19 08:54:01 AM  
2 votes:

SarcasticFark: I would assume they said 'locked in the basement' and not 'rocket in the basement'.  I'm rather sure a rocket is more than a little unlikely lol


encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
2013-04-19 08:53:43 AM  
2 votes:
Bad timing for a Rancid song?

"Black coat, white shoes, black hat, Cadillac, the boys a time bomb"
2013-04-19 08:53:20 AM  
2 votes:
www.s9.com

RIP Tamerlane
2013-04-19 08:47:53 AM  
2 votes:

zerkalo: farking chechens


That will just make more of them!

You see, when a man loves a Chechen very, very much...
2013-04-19 08:36:19 AM  
2 votes:

vudukungfu: This just in. CNN's reporting that the 7-11 clerk wasn't even supposed to be there that day.


OK, this made me laugh!
2013-04-19 08:30:59 AM  
2 votes:

Close2TheEdge: All taxi service now suspended in city of Boston.


As if anyone could tell the difference.
2013-04-19 08:29:48 AM  
2 votes:

The Billdozer: This whole thing seems like Mad Libs by Tom Clancy


Great comment. I lolled in my cubicle
2013-04-19 08:18:00 AM  
2 votes:

unchellmatt: Grand_Moff_Joseph: Updated badge for your use:

[lh5.googleusercontent.com image 360x350]

I work for the MIT Police, so I'm getting a kick, yadda yadda and... Thanks for that. For those who are curious, the man killed was a very nice guy, and more than that, he was a Geek, and a damned good one. "We lost one of our own" takes on a double meaning for me now.

This is what we're wearing.

[web.mit.edu image 850x919]


But I've already changed my profile pictures to the B Strong one and I only have one profile picture to give to my country!
2013-04-19 08:13:53 AM  
2 votes:
This is what happens when you trade WES  WELKER!

cache.boston.com
2013-04-19 08:09:23 AM  
2 votes:

Ecobuckeye: It's going to be hard to be a Jehova's Witness this morning in Boston.


I love you.
2013-04-19 08:08:40 AM  
2 votes:
Screech?
images.buddytv.com
2013-04-19 07:50:36 AM  
2 votes:

vudukungfu: Grand_Moff_Joseph: WTF?

The old Mad Rusian Bomber angle.


So, Crazy Ivan?


/one ping only
2013-04-19 07:50:14 AM  
2 votes:

Alonjar: thisispete: Chechens? That came out of left field. Typically they go after Russians. What's their beef with the US?

Chechens were the primary foreign fights in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Chechnya is a breeding ground for radical muslim terrorists, which they export all over the world.


Japan does cars, China does MSG, India does horrible IT support, and Chechnya does terrorism.  It's kind of their shtick.
2013-04-19 07:49:09 AM  
2 votes:
I'm playing the false-false-flag card.

These are mere patsies, pawned by the real right wing bombers.
2013-04-19 07:47:21 AM  
2 votes:
CNN now says they are brothers; one was born in Russia and the other in Kyrgyztan. Also the younger one ran over the older one with the getaway car. But, it's CNN so they might as well be from Mars and the younger one is on a getaway Pony.
2013-04-19 07:44:00 AM  
2 votes:

heap: Smgth: Awww, cmmon! The old thread is just about to hit 4k...

it's all fun and games until the raccoon gets into the database server.


Can't trust animals that wear little burglar masks ALL THE TIME!

/Terrorist raccoons are plotting our demise as we speak...
2013-04-19 07:40:55 AM  
2 votes:
Sharing this from the other thread in honor of Kevin "In And Out" Brennan...

www.lowbrow.org
2013-04-19 07:38:33 AM  
2 votes:
Ben affleck has a new movie
2013-04-19 07:36:35 AM  
2 votes:
24.media.tumblr.com
2013-04-19 07:36:23 AM  
2 votes:
chechens. I swear to god I said they look Russian to my co-worker. If only I had farked it.
2013-04-19 07:35:35 AM  
2 votes:
Fark hugged itself to death, too?  Reddit's in full meltdown.  I got out of bed to check the net because all the news on the TV has lost all bowel control according to my spouse.

And I found out we woke up in the Cold War again.  The fark even?
2013-04-19 07:34:41 AM  
2 votes:

dittybopper: zerkalo: farking chechens

Wait:  I was under the impression that it was right wing domestic terrorism.  I mean, based on the speculation on new shows and on a lot of people on Fark, I thought it was the next Timothy McVeigh.


FALSE FLAG! FALSE FLAG!
2013-04-19 07:34:09 AM  
2 votes:
I'm posting in a thread too!
2013-04-19 07:32:53 AM  
2 votes:

SmackLT: Boston: "You mess around with us on Monday, we kill you by Friday. WE DO NOT F*CK AROUND"


Well, you know... it's kinda like... you ever have your boss plop a big project on your desk on Monday, and you want to have it finished before the weekend?
2013-04-19 07:28:30 AM  
2 votes:
farking chechens
2013-04-19 11:46:47 AM  
1 votes:
images.tvrage.com

RIP Drunk Uncle
2013-04-19 11:46:34 AM  
1 votes:
**** BREAKING NEWS ******

THEIR UNCLE IS STILL ON AOL
2013-04-19 11:46:11 AM  
1 votes:

eddievercetti: Uncle is unleashing his inner Iron Sheik.



"I'm going to take my sh*t nephew and put him in a camel clutch and make him humble!  Camerman ZOOM!"
2013-04-19 11:44:07 AM  
1 votes:

Jim from Saint Paul: Grand_Moff_Joseph: This is a real-life episode of 24.  Seriously.

[img2-2.timeinc.net image 400x300]

I sure hope not.


That would really fark up the NHL realignment.
2013-04-19 11:43:42 AM  
1 votes:
Uncle is unleashing his inner Iron Sheik.
2013-04-19 11:43:01 AM  
1 votes:
He was a nice quiet boy, smoked a bit of pot.
"do you think he killed buckwheat?"
         "Oh Yes, thats all he ever talked about."
2013-04-19 11:40:55 AM  
1 votes:
lol @ the uncle on TV..

Reporter: What do you think the reason was for this?

Uncle: BEING LOSERS.
2013-04-19 11:38:46 AM  
1 votes:
Meanwhile... on CNN:

http://www.breitbart.com/mediaserver/201F5C24EAB64ECAABE67D8BF893168E . gif

Seriously, view the gif (too large for here). Hilarious over-and-over
2013-04-19 11:31:56 AM  
1 votes:
i.imgur.com


What is going on?????????
mjg
2013-04-19 11:27:25 AM  
1 votes:

urger: The robot is working on the suspect now.


Probably stealing his meds.
2013-04-19 11:26:03 AM  
1 votes:
On NBC right now. The Uncle is slamming them for being losers and hating everyone. DAMN.
2013-04-19 11:24:09 AM  
1 votes:
I love it.  They are interviewing the uncle - Question:  "Any reason you can think why they did this?"  Uncle: "They are losers!"
2013-04-19 11:24:03 AM  
1 votes:
img505.imageshack.us
2013-04-19 11:22:37 AM  
1 votes:
Just when the story couldn't get any crazier, we've now moved onto the next chapter: Robot Rape.
2013-04-19 11:21:56 AM  
1 votes:

miss diminutive: [24.media.tumblr.com image 207x237]

Faster, dammit! Information overload.


Drew needs to find a way for me to inject Fark directly into my veins.

Information is my drug and you all are my dealers.
2013-04-19 11:15:55 AM  
1 votes:

d23: Robots are trying to undress the guy?


I've seen some weird pron but jeez........
2013-04-19 11:15:34 AM  
1 votes:
I just hope the robot isn't running Windows 95.
2013-04-19 11:09:37 AM  
1 votes:
scannercop says the old fart had a device, was wearing a vest

1.bp.blogspot.com

Official police bulletin: If you see this man, stop, look both ways, then walk quickly across the street. Do not try to apprehend him.
2013-04-19 11:08:50 AM  
1 votes:

inert: They have a man in his 60s on the ground with a bomb holding a dead man's switch talking to a negotiator. I think.

shiat's just got weird.



i.imgur.com
Speed got a reboot?
2013-04-19 11:08:02 AM  
1 votes:
At any point now, I think Ben Affleck and his gang are going to knock off a bank.
2013-04-19 11:08:00 AM  
1 votes:

NFA: Okay, these guys robbed a store, shot people and threw explosives at police.  How does this make them the Marathon bombers?


Because they ran 26 miles doing it?
2013-04-19 11:07:44 AM  
1 votes:
This just in, France has surrendered.
2013-04-19 11:07:23 AM  
1 votes:
Did someone say bear?

images.sodahead.com
2013-04-19 11:06:56 AM  
1 votes:
BE ADVISED:  Picture of the suspect and his Boston Sleeper Cell, reportedly carrying toxic chemical agent known as "Drakkar Noir".  img.gawkerassets.com
2013-04-19 11:06:08 AM  
1 votes:
At least Americans now know that Muslims can be white, too.
2013-04-19 11:05:51 AM  
1 votes:
Boy, I'm sure glad I watch The Departed Wed. night, makes listening to this scanner feed so much easier.
2013-04-19 11:04:56 AM  
1 votes:
On the next episode of "The Americans" ...
2013-04-19 11:04:31 AM  
1 votes:

WxGuy1: Grand_Moff_Joseph: shifty lookin bleeder: F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F 5 F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5

oh god, Brock Lesnar is involved!


Scanner:  Now negotiating with suspect on the street, who may have a dead man switch??

The guy at the muffler place, someone on radio said, is NOT the primary suspect. They kept saying he has a "deadman's switch", was trying to arch his back, and was 60-70 yrs old.


Grandpa is senile and wants attention it seems.
2013-04-19 11:04:00 AM  
1 votes:
i45.tinypic.com

I think this is where the "not our suspect" guy is being held.
2013-04-19 11:03:17 AM  
1 votes:
www.upl.co

He wants to end import restrictions on French cheese.
2013-04-19 11:02:23 AM  
1 votes:
Wow, Fark can dish it out, but it sure can't take it.
2013-04-19 11:02:16 AM  
1 votes:
The terrorists broke FARK!

They've gone too far this time! >:O
2013-04-19 11:02:10 AM  
1 votes:
Why don't the bring in the Bear Jew?
2013-04-19 10:49:19 AM  
1 votes:
Probably some clueless old guy who just work up out walking his dog with  a garage door opener in his pocket so he can get back in.
2013-04-19 10:48:12 AM  
1 votes:
No, they didn't get him. And Fark is wrong, again.
Farkers, please - this place is not a sound source of news or even opinion.
2013-04-19 10:40:38 AM  
1 votes:

Purdue_Pete: Cops are pleading for everyone to be on the lookout for a Honda CRV.


Top Gear verdict?   Meh.
2013-04-19 10:39:29 AM  
1 votes:

USP .45: Infernalist: He's a farking southern redneck, take a bow, son.  He's one of yours.

Tell me more about all those southern rednecks that drive a Lexus and vote for Democrats enough to have a bumper sticker about it.


They're apparently southern retards who can't pull off a terrorist attack right.  The south's proud heritage of farking failing hard is upheld intact.
2013-04-19 10:38:55 AM  
1 votes:

Sir Cumference the Flatulent: bongmiester: is that a pressure cooker?

[img.photobucket.com image 604x451]

nailed it

Ranch dressing? Bloody savage.


Light ranch.

Swimsuit season is right around the corner, people!
2013-04-19 10:38:40 AM  
1 votes:

GAT_00: I want to know what happened to that Brown University kid the Internet misidentified.


Couldn't have ended well for him.

rufus-t-firefly: No, he asked what the difference was. And answered it with a punchline.


If that's all it was, then I need another cup of coffee.
2013-04-19 10:35:58 AM  
1 votes:

FlashHarry: Random Name Generator: Gonna need a white russian or several after all of this.

[i50.tinypic.com image 500x281]


You make a hell of a White Russian, Cheche'.
2013-04-19 10:33:08 AM  
1 votes:
Would you say the remaining suspect is in the ... pressure cooker?
2013-04-19 10:33:05 AM  
1 votes:
Gonna need a white russian or several after all of this.
2013-04-19 10:30:50 AM  
1 votes:

docmattic: Coco LaFemme: DamnYankees: It's really amazing how utterly useless mainstream media is in events like this.

Twitter and other Internet sources were running with the story of the MIT shooting/carjacking nearly a full hour before any of the cable news stations picked up on it.  In fact, shiat was going down in Watertown before CNN even broke with the story that anyone had been shot at MIT.

Can you blame them after the last few days?  I wouldn't be surprised if they started playing it safe, at least for a while.

/"This just in... Apple dropped on English scientist's head leads to interesting theory."


If that were reported as news today, there would be people that wouldn't believe it and think that Newton is being paid by Big Physics to promote the pro-Copernican agenda.

/that's what happens when you politicize everything.
2013-04-19 10:28:34 AM  
1 votes:

jso2897: Jim from Saint Paul: jso2897: Farkers have been wrong about EVERYTHING so far, and I will take your word for what it is worth - jack shiat.

jso2897: Farkers have been wrong about EVERYTHING so far, and I will take your word for what it is worth - jack shiat.

jso2897: Farkers have been wrong about EVERYTHING so far, and I will take your word for what it is worth - jack shiat.

Sorry - but, in the last twenty-four hours, Farkers have infromed me that the bombers are:
Two random guys in the New York Post.
A missing Indian student.
Teabaggers.
Redneck gun nuts.
Occupy Wall Streeters.
Anarchists.
Iranian or Saudi intel or other operatives.
Mossad.
Jihadists.
Nihilists.
Lunatics.
Please forgive me for failing to buy into whatever the current "theory" is.


Well, we'll all go hand in our Press Association passes in the morning .. I mean Fark must maintain it's image as a reputable news source
2013-04-19 10:26:41 AM  
1 votes:
Lol - listening to the scanner now.  How do people understand anyone from Boston?  Talk about an accent.
2013-04-19 10:25:38 AM  
1 votes:

bdub77: Theaetetus: JerseyTim: I think we found a motivation: Apparently, he went to Prom with Snooki.

[s3-ec.buzzfed.com image 625x838]
What a butterface. All beige and blocky.

I have found the explosive devices:

[i.imgur.com image 625x838]


It looks like a courteousy prom date. Note the other guy has open hands hugging the date (and getting some boob), he has his hands closed.  It was probably the photographer that made him put his arms there.

/I should know, I'm a CNN body gesture analyst.
2013-04-19 10:25:07 AM  
1 votes:

JayCab: Argh, now all the dumb interviews with people that peripherally know the kid, adding nothing of interest or relevance.


THIS.

If someone can't say "Oh, he's right here," those interviews are useless.
2013-04-19 10:23:06 AM  
1 votes:

KarmicDisaster: Theaetetus: DrPainMD: All of Boston on lockdown? Fark that. It's time to biatchslap the government and let them know who's in charge... we the people.

[www.celebrateboston.com image 420x270]
What the last time all of Boston was in lockdown looked like

Is Crispus Attucks OK?


You might want to sit down.
2013-04-19 10:22:08 AM  
1 votes:

ShawnDoc: This Russian has been terrorizing my pants for years, and no one has locked her up.

[i690.photobucket.com image 309x450]


She has been known to smoke and play WoW.  TERRORIST!

/want her to terrorize my crotch
2013-04-19 10:21:25 AM  
1 votes:

Grand_Moff_Joseph: common sense is an oxymoron: Grand_Moff_Joseph: lol, scanner reporting that the K9 dogs are over hours, and need to go on break

Holy Crap, scanner just said the spent round they just found was a .40cal

They think it's from last night.

yep, likely from last night, but I really hope it's not the perps that had 40 cal ammo.


.40 S&W isn't anything to be especially scared of. It's a common handgun round between 9mm and 45acp in size and speed. I would start to worry if they were talking about 5.45, 5.56x45, or 7.62x39, or other RIFLE cartridges.
2013-04-19 10:19:43 AM  
1 votes:
This Russian has been terrorizing my pants for years, and no one has locked her up.

i690.photobucket.com
2013-04-19 10:19:04 AM  
1 votes:

DrPainMD: All of Boston on lockdown? Fark that. It's time to biatchslap the government and let them know who's in charge... we the people.


www.celebrateboston.com
What the last time all of Boston was in lockdown looked like
2013-04-19 10:19:03 AM  
1 votes:
jso2897: Farkers have been wrong about EVERYTHING so far, and I will take your word for what it is worth - jack shiat.

jso2897:
Farkers have been wrong about EVERYTHING so far, and I will take your word for what it is worth - jack shiat.

jso2897: Farkers have been wrong about EVERYTHING so far, and I will take your word for what it is worth - jack shiat.
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-04-19 10:17:55 AM  
1 votes:

Coco LaFemme: Besides, I can't "cream my goddamn jeans" even if I wanted to......I'm not a guy.


If this was any other time the thread would explode based on this comment right there...
2013-04-19 10:14:13 AM  
1 votes:

ace in your face: jso2897: Molavian: jso2897: Dancin_In_Anson: Chechens eh?

Playing out like a Tom Clancy novel.

No. White, American citizens.Religion, if any, unknown.

Nah, it's known.  They're muslims.

So Chechnyan-born radical jihadists.

Maybe - maybe not. Fark has been wrong about everything else so far - so I won't be taking anybody here's word for one single thing.

He says his world view is Islam. Whether it has to do with his bombing intetions or not it isnt a made up hypothesis.


I have no knowledge that he "says" anything - they haven't caught him, and may not catch him alive. I remind you - Farkers have been wrong about EVERYTHING so far, and I will take your word for what it is worth - jack shiat.
2013-04-19 10:13:46 AM  
1 votes:

Glenford: UNC_Samurai: Smgth: Mike Chewbacca: This thread(s) was better in the middle of the night when all the idiots were sleeping.

A million times THIS!

No one blabbing on and on about 'libs' and 'rightwing' and yadda yadda...

Why does this have to be political in ANY way?

Because the FARK admins and mods let the trolls overrun the Politics Tab over the course of the last few years.

Remember that brief period after a huge purge of trolls? That was awesome.



aaaah, the Great Blood Fart of 2012.
2013-04-19 10:11:54 AM  
1 votes:

UNC_Samurai: Smgth: Mike Chewbacca: This thread(s) was better in the middle of the night when all the idiots were sleeping.

A million times THIS!

No one blabbing on and on about 'libs' and 'rightwing' and yadda yadda...

Why does this have to be political in ANY way?

Because the FARK admins and mods let the trolls overrun the Politics Tab over the course of the last few years.


Remember that brief period after a huge purge of trolls? That was awesome.
2013-04-19 10:10:51 AM  
1 votes:

eddievercetti: CNN has reported Duke still sucks.


CNN doesn't report factual information.
2013-04-19 10:09:25 AM  
1 votes:
Wanted for questioning.

www.destructoid.com
2013-04-19 10:07:38 AM  
1 votes:
A former teacher of his on TV now... "He was not even remotely capable of..... these things..... He was a lovely kid"
2013-04-19 10:07:07 AM  
1 votes:

dittybopper: In effect, there is *ZERO* way to legally purchase a gun and bring it in to MA legally without some sort of background check.


Interstate transit is governed by federal laws, not state laws.

Not everyone who lives in Massachusetts is a native Masshole.
2013-04-19 10:05:03 AM  
1 votes:

Shyla: "He's as American as anybody. He smokes a little weed here and there. He's not some foreign guy..."  - From a friend being interviewed on CNN


vell, zaphod's just zis guy, you know?
2013-04-19 10:04:31 AM  
1 votes:
BIE? EIP.
2013-04-19 10:04:26 AM  
1 votes:

Hobodeluxe: sounds like the have a vehicle the suspect might be driving. 99 Honda CRX?


it was kinda hard to parse thru the static, but i think the scannerbabble just said it was found at the residence it was supposed to be at.

either that, or they found something else at the residence it was supposed to be at immediately after talking about a honda.

i think it's Schroedinger's Honda at the moment.
2013-04-19 10:01:48 AM  
1 votes:

TravelingRetard: I've been waiting 6 hours to say this.  Holy Fark!

I've been following the threads of this event all day- finally prompted to create an acct after lurking for over a decade.


And that was the best name you could come up with?

/Welcome to Fark
2013-04-19 10:01:19 AM  
1 votes:

eagles95: I know its been said already...but this guy must play a hell of a lot of GTA


I felt bad this morning when I heard about the manhunt and my first thought was he was at 5 flashing stars and he probably needed a paint job for his car
2013-04-19 09:59:34 AM  
1 votes:
News guy on TV just said there is a helicopter orbiting the area...that's a pretty special helicopter there!
2013-04-19 09:59:19 AM  
1 votes:
This thread(s) was better in the middle of the night when all the idiots were sleeping.
2013-04-19 09:58:57 AM  
1 votes:

dababler: Everyone is describing the brothers as super polite, good athletes, decent students, good people so....WHY THE fark DID THEY DO IT?!


l'm getting in the elevator...and these two high-school white boys try to get on with me...and l just dove off. l said, ''Y'all ain't killing me!'' l am scared of young white boys.
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
Everybody wants to know what the kids was listening to.
What kind of music was they listening to?
Or what kind of movies was they watching?
Who gives a fark what they was watching?

What happened to crazy?

What, you can't be crazy no more?
2013-04-19 09:58:54 AM  
1 votes:

100 Watt Walrus: Summary for those just starting their coffee:

Apparent convenience store robbery
MIT cop responds, these clowns shoot him multiple times
They carjack somebody
(gap in my knowledge)
At some point they're in an SUV that may have been a stolen police vehicle
They shoot at the cops and throw and/or plant grenades and/or IEDs
(No kidding, on the scanner there was something akin to "Shots fired! Shots fired! Grenade! Grenade! Grenade!", and there's a YouTube video out there with half a minute of sustained gunfire)
Running firefight
"Black Hat" shot multiple times, possibly run over, possibly injured by bomb strapped to chest
"White Hat" escapes
"Black Hat" taken to Beth Israel, dies
Code Black (usually means bomb or bomb threat) at area hospital, but NOT Beth Israel
"White Hat" spotted (twice?) but gets away, possibly in another firefight
Now at large.

/Oh, and at some point an innocent who was very much in the wrong place at the wrong time spent 20m face-down on the ground with a robot probing him, then he was stripped and put in the back of a police vehicle before being cleared.

And we've got cops, FBI, Homeland Security, National Guard, HumVees, and at one point something described as a "tank."
I know this sounds like I'm Michael-Bay-ing you, but really, seriously, I'm not.


The new GTA game sounds awesome, though. :P

\ Thanks, dude.
2013-04-19 09:58:09 AM  
1 votes:
www.titaniumteddybear.net
2013-04-19 09:57:58 AM  
1 votes:

eagles95: I know its been said already...but this guy must play a hell of a lot of GTA


vgboxart.com
2013-04-19 09:56:32 AM  
1 votes:

TravelingRetard: I've been following the threads of this event all day- finally prompted to create an acct after lurking for over a decade.


Welcome to Fark, your kitten will arrive shortly.
2013-04-19 09:56:31 AM  
1 votes:
So, he wasn't looking for nuclee-are wessels?
2013-04-19 09:56:14 AM  
1 votes:

neversubmit: I'm bored with this, when is the next thing going to go boom?


We are at "Tom Clancy" right now, pray this thing doesn't go "Michael Bay".
2013-04-19 09:54:03 AM  
1 votes:

TravelingRetard: I've been waiting 6 hours to say this.  Holy Fark!

I've been following the threads of this event all day- finally prompted to create an acct after lurking for over a decade.


Welcome to hell.
2013-04-19 09:53:34 AM  
1 votes:
Grey Honda CRV, Mass tags 316 ES9. May be in CT.

/according to CNN, anyway
//probably a blue Hummer, with NV tags
2013-04-19 09:50:14 AM  
1 votes:
3StratMan:
Wait...I though there was no reason for people to own guns any more. I thought the police are here to take care of us and we have nothing to worry about. If the guy comes knocking on anyone's door, they should just tell him "just a minute", and wait till the police get there to take care of them.

www.shotpix.com
2013-04-19 09:47:18 AM  
1 votes:
Over 1500 posts, surely I can't be the first...

imageshack.us
2013-04-19 09:46:48 AM  
1 votes:

Dimensio: doglover: GiantRex: Galileo's Daughter: Suspect claims to have "Internet intelligence".  Did 4chan turn to the dark side?

4chan is chaotic neutral. They're as dark as they are light.

They're like Deadpool

[images1.wikia.nocookie.net image 425x666]

As is evident by the activity on /beaarthur/.


First, they identify an evil little girl who kills kittens.
Then, they bring rapists to justice in Ohio.
Next, they accuse the wrong man of terrorism in a well meaning gaffe.
Finally, they say fug it and just post Bea Arthur R34

2.bp.blogspot.com
2013-04-19 09:45:52 AM  
1 votes:

Deep Contact: Just reported that Niagara Falls NY police pulled over a car with Mass. plates that have Russian National in it.


Sucks to be Russian and a Masshole today, I'll bet...
2013-04-19 09:44:17 AM  
1 votes:

MythDragon: thisiszombocom: from twitter, when the polie/army was surrounding the suspects's house:  http://twitter.com/shawna_england/status/325188104912785408

way to give away the police's position
[pbs.twimg.com image 600x600]

*opens window*
"Hey you two assholes! Get off my damn shed"


25.media.tumblr.com
2013-04-19 09:44:11 AM  
1 votes:

3StratMan: duenor: bostonians, if you have a gun, get it now. Lock all doors and windows, make an armored corner of your safe room and hunker down with your family. Last i heard there was a possible 3rd suspect and he's going to be looking for shelter any way he can get it.

Wait...I though there was no reason for people to own guns any more. I thought the police are here to take care of us and we have nothing to worry about. If the guy comes knocking on anyone's door, they should just tell him "just a minute", and wait till the police get there to take care of them.


I bet you spend a lot of time arguing with empty chairs.
2013-04-19 09:44:10 AM  
1 votes:
Does anyone really believe that some dude with a bomb strapped to his chest sitting in a cellar is any more dangerous because of some twitter feed?
2013-04-19 09:44:04 AM  
1 votes:
One ironic (and ludicrous) result of all this will be that it will no longer be politically correct to portray Chechens as terrorists in movies or television shows.
2013-04-19 09:43:41 AM  
1 votes:
Turned on Pandora, first song that came up:

The Clash - I Fought The Law

I couldn't help but laugh, that's funny right there.
2013-04-19 09:43:06 AM  
1 votes:

doglover: GiantRex: Galileo's Daughter: Suspect claims to have "Internet intelligence".  Did 4chan turn to the dark side?

4chan is chaotic neutral. They're as dark as they are light.

They're like Deadpool

[images1.wikia.nocookie.net image 425x666]


As is evident by the activity on /beaarthur/.
2013-04-19 09:40:06 AM  
1 votes:

epocalypse: well, they are inarguably caucasian, so I guess anyone assuming that they were white is technically correct.


Concurs:

theinfosphere.org
2013-04-19 09:39:51 AM  
1 votes:

magores: Dzhokar sounds a little like Joker.


Why so terrorist?
2013-04-19 09:39:16 AM  
1 votes:

GiantRex: Galileo's Daughter: Suspect claims to have "Internet intelligence".  Did 4chan turn to the dark side?

4chan is chaotic neutral. They're as dark as they are light.


They're like Deadpool

images1.wikia.nocookie.net
2013-04-19 09:37:24 AM  
1 votes:

eddievercetti: How much money is being lost over the lockdown?


everything is closed. except for dunkin donuts, apparently. farking bostonians LOVE their dunkin donuts.
2013-04-19 09:35:14 AM  
1 votes:
"Excuse me, sir! Can you direct us to the naval base in Alameda? It's where they keep the nuclear wessels."
2013-04-19 09:32:53 AM  
1 votes:
hmm jus gonna blame spentmiles again fr scanners p00ping har
2013-04-19 09:32:23 AM  
1 votes:
Real Twitter account?

https://twitter.com/Dzhokhar_
2013-04-19 09:32:09 AM  
1 votes:

Galileo's Daughter: Suspect claims to have "Internet intelligence".  Did 4chan turn to the dark side?


Turn?
2013-04-19 09:30:38 AM  
1 votes:
Suspect claims to have "Internet intelligence".  Did 4chan turn to the dark side?
2013-04-19 09:29:03 AM  
1 votes:

Haliburton Cummings: ALL scanners gone dark


i734.photobucket.com ?
2013-04-19 09:26:03 AM  
1 votes:

dgames: Uncle just gave dad's address out live on CNN.


Well, that should simplify inheritance.
2013-04-19 09:25:04 AM  
1 votes:

IrateShadow: What kind of idiot would start up a fake account while the manhunt is still on?  It sounds like a great way to end up with an obstruction charge.


SPENTMIIIIIIILLLLLESSSSS!  GIT OVER HERE NOW!
2013-04-19 09:22:58 AM  
1 votes:
Chris Matthews was rushed to a local hospital after learning that the suspects were not white guys.
2013-04-19 09:15:54 AM  
1 votes:

Shryke: There must several dozen Fark Lefties in hysterics this morning. Aw.


wha

I am perfectly calm in fact been falling asleep for the last hour.

cry moar
2013-04-19 09:15:14 AM  
1 votes:

muck4doo: Why would Chechens be mad at the U.S?


Because HBO cancelled Enlightened.
2013-04-19 09:14:13 AM  
1 votes:
Always interesting when local news runs out of stuff to report.

BREAKING NEWS: "SUSPECTS UNCLE CALLS NEPHEWS COWARDS & LOSERS.'"

i.imgur.com
2013-04-19 09:13:39 AM  
1 votes:

Coco LaFemme: I'm not reading through over 1000 posts......someone give me a recap on what's happened.


The assclowns who bombed the marathon shot some cops last night so now the cops shot one of them and are about to shoot the other.
2013-04-19 09:13:18 AM  
1 votes:
Dzhokhar Tsarnaev pronounced joker ?

Why so serious?
2013-04-19 09:13:00 AM  
1 votes:
KIDS KIDS< GO TO THE POLITICS THREAD WITH YOUR DRIVEL AND LET THE ADULTS RUBBERNECK IN PEACE OK
2013-04-19 09:09:25 AM  
1 votes:

CognaciousThunk: Nobody is saying where the suspect posted his 'You Killed My Brother' line...  FARK? 4chan? Etsy?


FRIENDSTER!
2013-04-19 09:09:23 AM  
1 votes:
So much has happened since I posted last night. So, white muslins? Looks like everybody gets to be a little right.
2013-04-19 09:09:00 AM  
1 votes:

Smgth: Shyla: Smgth: Shyla: I need a snack, anyone want anything while I'm up?

Go pee for me.

Imma dood, so you gotta do it standing up.

I'll try, I guess it will work if I stand in the right place.

SO it's merely a stance thing not a biologic design problem? I KNEW IT! Putting the seat down is a feminist conspiracy!

/Ooooooh, the other women are gonna be mad you let that slip...


Don't tell anyone, but it's not only possible, it's kinda fun.
2013-04-19 09:06:35 AM  
1 votes:

thiefofdreams: Black hoodie is not suspect.


Of course not. It's an inanimate piece of clothing.
2013-04-19 09:06:20 AM  
1 votes:
Nobody is saying where the suspect posted his 'You Killed My Brother' line...  FARK? 4chan? Etsy?
2013-04-19 09:02:54 AM  
1 votes:
i.imgur.com
2013-04-19 09:02:51 AM  
1 votes:

Cappalotti: Scanner now saying that he is posting online "I will kill all of you as you've killed my brother."


Good luck with that.
2013-04-19 09:02:34 AM  
1 votes:
Better get a move on, these Chechens be getting truculent.
2013-04-19 09:02:16 AM  
1 votes:
www.meh.ro
2013-04-19 09:02:02 AM  
1 votes:

Haliburton Cummings: HE IS POSTING ONLINE


Scanner just reported: his Fark handle is BraveNewCheneyWorld!
Bf+
2013-04-19 09:00:23 AM  
1 votes:
Livestream this, scanner reports that.... who cares?
What does the NY Post say?!
2013-04-19 08:59:31 AM  
1 votes:
This is who they need to send in to negotiate
Derek's drake jihad Mohammed, mother farker!
 trailers.apple.com
2013-04-19 08:59:15 AM  
1 votes:
Anybody know this guy's fark handle?
2013-04-19 08:58:51 AM  
1 votes:
the correct pronunciation of this jackass is 'Jahar'.

Jah - har.

the news is mispronouncing his name.
2013-04-19 08:58:34 AM  
1 votes:

WhyteRaven74: bulldg4life: Fox News speculating that they were long term sleeper cell....

Fox News speculating stupid shiat? Where's ,my fainting couch?


IF they came here in 2003, they were like 9 years old. None of this makes any sense at all. Sure, they are Muslim, sure they are against Assad and Russia perhaps, but they seem "American". Possibly even wanting to fight for America in the Olympics. So bizarre. Alex Jones is jizzing his pants right now though thinking of all the brainwashing stories they can make up...
2013-04-19 08:57:47 AM  
1 votes:

Dynascape: Good Guy Kwame:

Profile says dont sponsor because Dyna gets nothing done at work.

Sponsors anyway.


He says while posting on the main page.

We all know you weren't going to get anything done one way or the other.
2013-04-19 08:55:37 AM  
1 votes:

Shyla: I need a snack, anyone want anything while I'm up?


Go pee for me.

Imma dood, so you gotta do it standing up.
2013-04-19 08:55:34 AM  
1 votes:

zvoidx: ...did we get to the burning log cabin part yet?


The suspect is heading toward the mountains around Boston as we speak.

$1 million reward for the arrest, capture, and the suspect appearing live at Madison Square Gardens in front of a sold-out crowd.

/If any of the criteria are not met, you get get a half-eaten box of donuts. I'm sorry, but that's the rule.
2013-04-19 08:53:26 AM  
1 votes:
I need a snack, anyone want anything while I'm up?
2013-04-19 08:53:20 AM  
1 votes:

No Expectations: The female anchor on MSNBC has been talking in "I'm about to orgasm" voice for the last hour. It is kinda spooky.


...aaand now im turning on the tv and grabbing the moisturizer
2013-04-19 08:53:09 AM  
1 votes:

Ham Sandvich: vudukungfu: This just in. CNN's reporting that the 7-11 clerk wasn't even supposed to be there that day.

Was he one day away from retirement, too?


Shiat, whoever traded shifts with him is gonna have a guilt trip.

/farking empathy got me  again
2013-04-19 08:52:38 AM  
1 votes:
Peek-a-boo motherfarker. How's that farking .308 taste?
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-04-19 08:52:29 AM  
1 votes:

somedude210: Showdown going on apparently

guy keeps peering out a window

/snipers are gonna get him


encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com

Sniper is gonna get you,
Sniper is gonna get you,
Sniper is gonna get you... tonight.
2013-04-19 08:52:20 AM  
1 votes:
Just like I thought, Chechnyan Muslim Tea Party.
2013-04-19 08:50:58 AM  
1 votes:

img29.imageshack.us
2013-04-19 08:50:11 AM  
1 votes:
I want to watch MSNBC, but while CNN has HD Cameras on the scene... I think MSNBC is using Facetime on an iPhone to cover this...
2013-04-19 08:50:02 AM  
1 votes:

No Expectations: The female anchor on MSNBC has been talking in "I'm about to orgasm" voice for the last hour. It is kinda spooky.



It's standard procedure to insert love eggs prior to many major rolling event.
2013-04-19 08:48:49 AM  
1 votes:

heap: dogs a-barking, cats a-screaming, women screaming, fists a-flying, babies crying, cops a-coming, me a-running


FIVE GOLDEN RINGS
2013-04-19 08:48:45 AM  
1 votes:
The female anchor on MSNBC has been talking in "I'm about to orgasm" voice for the last hour. It is kinda spooky.
2013-04-19 08:48:42 AM  
1 votes:

Shyla: They've stumbled on some other basement bomb-builder. What are the odds?



The 2003 Census suggested that there are 6 or 7 bomb-builders per average street.
2013-04-19 08:48:42 AM  
1 votes:

James72: Fissile: Wait, I'm confused.  Aren't Chechens some of the "good Muslims" that Murica aided and abetted in attacking the Russians?  Didn't the US of Murica repeatedly condemn the Russians for dropping cluster bombs on these "good Muslims"?   It appears that these Chechens made their way here from Turkey.  Isn't Turkey a "good Muslim" country that is a solid friend to Murica, and, even more importantly, a good friend to Israel?  Wasn't Bin Laden armed by Murica when he was killing Russians?  Sure is funny how the "good Muslims" that the US encourages to attack the Russians always seem to end up turning on Murica.

Chechnya is located in the North Caucasus mountains. The suspects are literally Caucasian.


I am going to have SUCH a time going through the airport in a couple of weeks.
2013-04-19 08:48:06 AM  
1 votes:
"...a second suspect, identified by officials as Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, remains at large..."

libertarianstandard.com
2013-04-19 08:47:40 AM  
1 votes:
Tamerlan Tsarnaev the Terrorist Teabagger is Toast
2013-04-19 08:44:52 AM  
1 votes:
Suspect is live tweeting from inside the house.

Link
2013-04-19 08:43:56 AM  
1 votes:

doerism: Boojum2k: So it turns out we weren't living in a Tom Clancy novel, but a John Ringo one?

/Oh John Ringo No!

Get Ghost on this now!


Against a 19 -year old douchebag terrorist? Send Chief Adams. He'll get the job done while being dead drunk the entire time.
2013-04-19 08:43:02 AM  
1 votes:
Scanner calling for battering ram. Calling for swat also and giving house # where suspect maybe hiding.
2013-04-19 08:42:02 AM  
1 votes:

soopey: WBZ talking to an uncle of the bombers.


"He was a loser" "he deserved it"

priceless
2013-04-19 08:41:41 AM  
1 votes:

Boojum2k: So it turns out we weren't living in a Tom Clancy novel, but a John Ringo one?

/Oh John Ringo No!


Get Ghost on this now!
2013-04-19 08:41:26 AM  
1 votes:

BarkingUnicorn: Wonder what the homeless people are doing.


Being used as sandbags for the snipers to lie behind.
2013-04-19 08:40:11 AM  
1 votes:

BraveNewCheneyWorld: It was more than one or 2 people here claiming that they were domestic right wingers.


Oh come on, man.  Half of Fark this last week was people saying "I bet they were teatards/sovereign citizens/jihadists/Columbine wannabes/schizo kids/OWS radicals."  You don't need to argue or prove that lots of people were saying this stuff.

But what you don't seem to understand was that all of this was admitted speculation.  None of these people were claiming to have inside information or 100% certainty, they were just trying to guess the outcome based on the MO.

It's strange to see someone get all huffy and offended when people speculate.  I imagine you standing next to a roulette table, screaming "LOOK, IT WAS 17.  ALL OF YOU IDIOTS WHO THOUGHT YOU KNEW WHAT NUMBER IT WOULD BE SHOULD GO FARK YOURSELVES AND BE ASHAMED OF YOUR LIES."
2013-04-19 08:39:43 AM  
1 votes:
Jesus CNN, stop being so farking clowny. Yes, it's a big deal, but breathlessly choking out things like this:

"WE HAVE A DOG, THAT DOG IS BARKING, INTERESTING. IT'S UNKNOWN IF IT'S A K-9"

makes you look a little ridiculous.
2013-04-19 08:38:39 AM  
1 votes:
Dick Cheney just appeared on Fox and Friends. On news the bombers immigrated from Chechnya, he called for an immediate military response. He insists we invade Iraq!
2013-04-19 08:37:53 AM  
1 votes:

Fissile: Wait, I'm confused.  Aren't Chechens some of the "good Muslims" that Murica aided and abetted in attacking the Russians?  Didn't the US of Murica repeatedly condemn the Russians for dropping cluster bombs on these "good Muslims"?   It appears that these Chechens made their way here from Turkey.  Isn't Turkey a "good Muslim" country that is a solid friend to Murica, and, even more importantly, a good friend to Israel?  Wasn't Bin Laden armed by Murica when he was killing Russians?  Sure is funny how the "good Muslims" that the US encourages to attack the Russians always seem to end up turning on Murica.


Chechnya is located in the North Caucasus mountains. The suspects are literally Caucasian.
2013-04-19 08:37:51 AM  
1 votes:
White Muslin teapartiers. Then everyone wins!
2013-04-19 08:36:24 AM  
1 votes:

kronicfeld: vudukungfu: This just in. CNN's reporting that the 7-11 clerk wasn't even supposed to be there that day.

Wolf Blitzer reporting that one of the suspects had sex with a dead guy in the bathroom.


We're getting new details, the dead guy's name is, yes, the dead guy's name is thought to be "Wolf Blitzer".
2013-04-19 08:36:18 AM  
1 votes:

Ham Sandvich: BarkingUnicorn: soopey: Frederick: How long until Bostonians get fed up and go looking for this guy despite police saying to stay inside?

When the coffee runs out.

What time do the bars open?

They ain't opening today. That's what a personal stash is for.


Well, the bars WOULD open if the people went out and nailed this guy!  That's where this post started.
2013-04-19 08:36:12 AM  
1 votes:

vento: Black hoodie on the run!


Someone airlift George Zimmerman to Boston immediately.
2013-04-19 08:35:58 AM  
1 votes:

kronicfeld: vudukungfu: This just in. CNN's reporting that the 7-11 clerk wasn't even supposed to be there that day.

Wolf Blitzer reporting that one of the suspects had sex with a dead guy in the bathroom.


The dead guy was just Kim Kardashian.
2013-04-19 08:34:01 AM  
1 votes:

BarkingUnicorn: msupf: is fark still messing up in small ways for anyone else?

posts are showing in different orders on refresh, and refresh often shoots me back a page (paginate @100)

Thanks. I was about to order a new mouse.


No worries, you're just having a stroke.
2013-04-19 08:32:58 AM  
1 votes:

HotWingConspiracy: Chechens? NOBODY won this betting pool.


tvseriesfinale.com
Somebody said it was these guys. I think they should get a chicken dinner.
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-04-19 08:31:17 AM  
1 votes:

DarnoKonrad: Put it this way, empathy is not sympathy. Being able to put yourself in someone else' shoes does not mean you agree with them. If you lack empathy you're some kind of psychopath.


encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com  encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com

That's my political statement for the day.  Carry on...
2013-04-19 08:28:56 AM  
1 votes:
KEVIN IN AN OUT HAS SIGNED OUT
2013-04-19 08:26:56 AM  
1 votes:
Need more T-72's in this country. They make short work of Chechens.

i.imgur.com
2013-04-19 08:23:18 AM  
1 votes:

soopey: Frederick: How long until Bostonians get fed up and go looking for this guy despite police saying to stay inside?

When the coffee runs out.


What time do the bars open?
2013-04-19 08:21:58 AM  
1 votes:

DamnYankees: It's worth mentioning that this bombing makes no sense in terms of Chyechnian independence. How the fark does that cause improve due to this?

Any motive right now is 100% guessing.


I'm sure your responsible attitude will prevail among posters.
2013-04-19 08:20:04 AM  
1 votes:
Maybe this was a Borat sketch gone horribly wrong?
2013-04-19 08:18:12 AM  
1 votes:

unchellmatt: Grand_Moff_Joseph: Updated badge for your use:

[lh5.googleusercontent.com image 360x350]

I work for the MIT Police, so I'm getting a kick, yadda yadda and... Thanks for that. For those who are curious, the man killed was a very nice guy, and more than that, he was a Geek, and a damned good one. "We lost one of our own" takes on a double meaning for me now.

This is what we're wearing.

[web.mit.edu image 850x919]


Okay, your badge wins.
2013-04-19 08:17:22 AM  
1 votes:
I want a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen miles
suspect may be hatless. I repeat, Hatless.
Go get 'em.
2013-04-19 08:16:45 AM  
1 votes:
Also wanted for questioning...
images.sodahead.com
/Hot like foxes
2013-04-19 08:16:39 AM  
1 votes:

Just Bob: Watertown in lockdown.  How comforting it must be as a Watertown resident, where a class A firearm permit is near impossible to obtain, knowing that you're hunkered down and armed with nothing north of some charming butter knives while a psycho armed terrorist is running around.


3.bp.blogspot.com

Seriously, take your NRA talking points and stick them, along with your penis, into a wood chipper.
2013-04-19 08:16:35 AM  
1 votes:
What is kirzikistan? Is he trying to say Kyrgyzstan
2013-04-19 08:14:54 AM  
1 votes:

Starryeyes: Close2TheEdge: Lockdown extended to entire city of Boston.  Guess I am staying home today.

Ayup.


Right now millions of Bostonians are emailing their HR rep with same question, "Do I still get paid for today?"
2013-04-19 08:12:54 AM  
1 votes:

Bit'O'Gristle: /epic facepalm to end all facepalms.


Don't forget the part where you missed the whole point of what he was saying.
2013-04-19 08:11:56 AM  
1 votes:

Bit'O'Gristle: DamnYankees: This kid must be scared beyond his mind right now. Not that we need to feel bad for him, but just from a sociological point of view, imagine how farked he must feel.

/You are either trolling or the God of uber libs.  Two officers are dead, One hundred plus.people wounded and 3 dead citizens, and the one comment you make is feeling sorry for the mental state of the surviving terrorist.

/epic facepalm to end all facepalms.


Right. This is why I despise empathy.  It sounds so stupid.
2013-04-19 08:11:56 AM  
1 votes:
www.american-buddha.com
2013-04-19 08:11:29 AM  
1 votes:

Zentor: Not that it's been shown yet, but if they're Chechen there's a good chance they're jihadists.


Or Russian orthodox, that being the other side in the civil war there.
2013-04-19 08:06:50 AM  
1 votes:

yukichigai: DamnYankees: If these dudes are innocent, this is gonna be horrible.

Shooting at cops and flinging IEDs out randomly is TOTALLY innocent behavior.


It stands Innocent Explosive Devices, after all...
2013-04-19 08:05:50 AM  
1 votes:

Walker: Deep Contact: Hope the cops just wound him from the knees down.

Shoot him in the dick


lol

coont punt with a bullet?
2013-04-19 08:04:33 AM  
1 votes:
Two, quite literally, Caucasians.
2013-04-19 08:02:02 AM  
1 votes:
It's going to be hard to be a Jehova's Witness this morning in Boston.
2013-04-19 08:01:09 AM  
1 votes:
JesusIsNowBlind

Chechnya? Hoo boy I forsee a new front in the War On Terror (tm)

Naw. No oil. This will be "We are united with our Russian allies to contain and remove the threat of terror from this breakaway region. The Russian people will get our hopes, our prayers, our drones, our money, our support and our killbots. But mainly money, drones and killbots."

Ohh "Money, drones and Killbots". That's a pretty neat song title. Where's Warren Zevon? Oh... right. Sorry.
2013-04-19 07:58:12 AM  
1 votes:

SundaesChild: They really wanted a Big Gulp.


All he wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi.
2013-04-19 07:57:09 AM  
1 votes:

DamnYankees: If these dudes are innocent, this is gonna be horrible.


You haven't been paying ANY attention, have you?
2013-04-19 07:56:44 AM  
1 votes:

DamnYankees: If these dudes are innocent, this is gonna be horrible.


They were shooting at cops and throwing explosives.

What in the blue bloody f*ck makes you think they are innocent?
2013-04-19 07:53:38 AM  
1 votes:

DamnYankees: If these dudes are innocent, this is gonna be horrible.


Shooting at cops and flinging IEDs out randomly is TOTALLY innocent behavior.
2013-04-19 07:50:50 AM  
1 votes:

Insertwitty Namehere: Just Another OC Homeless Guy: Wasn't Chechnya behind that theater hostage thing in Moscow some years ago where several dozen or hundred people died?

Yes, Chechen rebels.


Yes, but it was Cheech'n rebels.

www.akirathedon.com
2013-04-19 07:49:10 AM  
1 votes:
You know, this wouldn't have happened if guns were legal and the police were armed.
2013-04-19 07:48:42 AM  
1 votes:

GoldSpider: Sorry Fark, I guess the grand teabagger roundup you had planned will have to wait.


What do you mean? The bombers are Caucasian.
2013-04-19 07:47:36 AM  
1 votes:
CBS seems to think Chechnya is in the Balkans.
2013-04-19 07:47:28 AM  
1 votes:
Sorry Fark, I guess the grand teabagger roundup you had planned will have to wait.
2013-04-19 07:46:20 AM  
1 votes:
They better catch this farker before he bleeds out
2013-04-19 07:45:51 AM  
1 votes:
Yay! Can we invade Chechnya now?

No? Why not? But it's our turn to blow crap up! Obommy, pleeeeeeease!

Well, can I have a drone attack when I get home?
2013-04-19 07:45:48 AM  
1 votes:

Peki: New thread?

Number 4 for me. . .


Ditto. Work got shot to hell last night. Night crew Farkers were on the ball last night. Get much better news here. And with jokes.

Hope they nail that scumbag racoon.....
2013-04-19 07:45:30 AM  
1 votes:

2wolves: I was certain they'd be Welsh.

/my bad


Burning holiday cottages and grumbling in pubs is more their style
2013-04-19 07:42:33 AM  
1 votes:

rynthetyn: 408 Atlantic Ave. someone in custody?


That's the Coast Guard station, isn't it?  On the waterfront, other side of Boston.  Less likely to be mad bombers, more likely to be What do you do with a drunken sailor, early in the morning?
2013-04-19 07:42:04 AM  
1 votes:
And then NBC doesn't switch mics during the weather report so instead of Al Roker talking we get the woman anchor asking "how do you spell the nation where [the younger one] was born?"
2013-04-19 07:41:56 AM  
1 votes:
from twitter, when the polie/army was surrounding the suspects's house:  http://twitter.com/shawna_england/status/325188104912785408

way to give away the police's position
pbs.twimg.com
2013-04-19 07:41:04 AM  
1 votes:

Smgth: Awww, cmmon! The old thread is just about to hit 4k...


it's all fun and games until the raccoon gets into the database server.
2013-04-19 07:40:57 AM  
1 votes:

Popcorn Johnny: So, a nice helping of crow for those claiming it was two white dudes?

Remember, when talking terrorism, blame Muslims and you'll be right 99% of the time.


They are white.  In fact, they are more Caucasian than just about anybody else on the planet.
2013-04-19 07:40:44 AM  
1 votes:
If they find an NRA book at their house, many bricks will be shiat

i.imgur.com
2013-04-19 07:39:42 AM  
1 votes:

johnnyrocket: Dzhokhar A. Tsarnaev
[pbs.twimg.com image 690x388]


bob dylan was a terrorist??
2013-04-19 07:38:18 AM  
1 votes:

thisiszombocom: why the fark did they rob a 7-11??

im guessing they coulda remained free for months more


They really wanted a Big Gulp.
2013-04-19 07:38:06 AM  
1 votes:

zerkalo: farking chechens


Does that mean they're white and Muslim?

Wow fark was right.


Dear police:

Please shoot the other one in the spine and take him alive.
2013-04-19 07:37:28 AM  
1 votes:
Y'all don't know what it's like
Growing up male, middle class and white.
2013-04-19 07:37:00 AM  
1 votes:
i blame putin.

THANKS PUTIN
2013-04-19 07:35:37 AM  
1 votes:
So are we going to bomb the hell out of Chechnya now?  Or are we going to take turns with the Russians making the place as flat as Kansas?

I really hope we don't - so tired of war.
2013-04-19 07:35:28 AM  
1 votes:

dittybopper: zerkalo: farking chechens

Wait:  I was under the impression that it was right wing domestic terrorism.  I mean, based on the speculation on new shows and on a lot of people on Fark, I thought it was the next Timothy McVeigh.


Begun, the Derp War between American and Russian jingoists has!
2013-04-19 07:34:48 AM  
1 votes:
1.bp.blogspot.com
2013-04-19 07:34:30 AM  
1 votes:
Boston is officially a police-state.. Welcome to Obama's America

/You mad?
//I'm just trolling, I know this is serious..
///I hope they catch the farker soon so lives can get back to normalism..
2013-04-19 07:33:17 AM  
1 votes:

zerkalo: farking chechens


Chechnya, huh?

For all those predicting that they'd be white - step up and claim your prize.

For all those claiming they'd be middle eastern Islamic terrorists - step up and claim your prize.

/Hope they get the other big nosed bastard before he kills anyone else.
2013-04-19 07:31:31 AM  
1 votes:
Not Jihadist, not Teahadist, not even real Russians.

I hope they get the other one alive so we can all find out "Why the fark?"
2013-04-19 07:30:53 AM  
1 votes:

AndreMA: ...and they managed to do it without shooting up any pickup trucks with women!


yet.
2013-04-19 07:30:10 AM  
1 votes:
Right so.. we aren't allowed to leave our houses and the T is closed. A cop is dead, another cop is in critical condition, and these motherfarkers are 19-20 year old brothers from CHECHNYA.

What the hell?? No one had CHECHNYA!
2013-04-19 07:29:14 AM  
1 votes:
Suspect Number One...COME ON DOWN
2013-04-19 06:15:40 AM  
1 votes:
Less than a week ... won't be long before they have the 2nd guy
 
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