If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(ABC) NewsFlash The latest: Boston Marathon bombing suspects identified. One dead, manhunt for the second is underway, ALL OF BOSTON on lockdown   (abcnews.go.com) divider line 2731
    More: NewsFlash, Boston Marathon, Massachusetts State Police, Watertown, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev  
•       •       •

22424 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Apr 2013 at 11:34 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»


Want to get NewsFlash notifications in email?

2731 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48 | 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | » | Last
 
2013-04-19 11:26:57 AM
KEEP UP FARK...
 
2013-04-19 11:26:58 AM
Just woke up from having passed out at 5am...OK, pretty much nobody (including myself) expected Chechen bombers.  (Probably because--well, until 15 April, anyways--Chechen bombers tended to very much target Russians within Russia.)

Now of course, the big question is whether the Chucklefark Brothers are in fact more of a homegrown sympathiser cell to Chechen "Emirate revolutionaries", or if they're actually part of a revolutionary cell from Chechnya and the main groups committing (until recently) domestic terrorism in Russia have decided to expand internationally.  (If so...I fear that life is about to become extremely interesting in the Chinese sense for everyone in Grozny and the surrounding area.)

(Frankly, I'm hoping for the former--if the latter, expect the TSA rodgering to start before you even hit the airport...one thing that Chechen terrorists are known for doing is blowing themselves up in the airport security lines because that was the biggest mass of people.)

I also would like to point out that there are at least two separate and distinct factions that have been pushing for an independent Chechnya.  One calls for more of a relatively secular government (if they were to go "Islamic republic" it'd be much more like, oh, say, Malaysia which has a "We're officially Moslem but that's about as much as Germany is officially Lutheran or the UK is officially CoE, we're actually pretty cool with not only all the People of the Book but even Chinese and Indo-Malayans practicing Taoism and Buddhism and Hinduism") and there is a second faction (which is considerably more right-wing, theocratic, and derpier) which calls for the establishment of a "Caucasian Emirate".  Seeing as the older Brosama pretty much supposedly has a Youtube screed up that promotes the theocratic justification given for the "Caucasian Emirate" by its followers, it's pretty obvious what side the Chucklefark Brothers are on.

And in that light, I'd like to send a special message out if somehow Chucklefark Brother the Younger is reading:

What you did was...unspeakably dumb, to the point there are neither words in English nor in Russian nor in Chechnyan nor in pretty much any language speakable by humans to express the sheer level of DUMBASS you have displayed in the past week.  (To get to the proper levels of derp, we'll have to personally interview Azathoth the Blind Idiot God to get its viewpoint, and THAT risks US catching the derp.)

People in the US probably would have had some level of sympathy with the idea of a Chechnyan republic (even a "we're technically a Moslem state but just in the same sense that the UK is a CoE state" sort of deal)...note I said "would have", as you chucklefarks pretty much blew all possibility of sympathy with the Chechnyan cause out the door for a lot of Americans when you decided to blow up the finish line of the Boston Marathon.

Right now, I'd not be a damn bit surprised if a lot of Americans would actively WELCOME Vlad Pooty-Poot reducing Grozny to rubble--whilst riding a rocket there, "Dr. Strangelove" style.  It's actually a tossup between whether the Russians or the Americans are more likely to go into "overkill" mode, especially when little kids are involved.

In short, congratulations on pretty much having set back your cause approximately to the point of the reign of the Romanovs, and may Allah have mercy on your soul because I seriously doubt that Boston's finest are going to have any mercy on your more corporeal parts.
 
2013-04-19 11:27:02 AM

WillyChase: jso2897: Infernalist: jso2897: Damn I love Farkers. You never learn. After the last 24 hours of total wrong and fail, y'all are still talking about who these guys are and why they did it (assuming they did).
You're really f**king precious.

have a cookie, grandpa.  Matlock will be on in a bit, I promise.

Yeah, I'd be too embarrassed to argue if I were you, too.

Smgth: jso2897: Damn I love Farkers. You never learn. After the last 24 hours of total wrong and fail, y'all are still talking about who these guys are and why they did it (assuming they did).
You're really f**king precious.

Yup, you're certainly not a Farker...

I sure as hell am - didn't I just say I loved Farkers? I'm just not one of the ones with an all-knowing crystal ball.

You lost your crystal bullshiat ball? Better call Drew and get a replacement quickly before you start to act reasonably


Screw Drew's crystal balls - the last one he sent me would only show "Matlock".
 
2013-04-19 11:27:06 AM

Grand_Moff_Joseph: Jim from SP:  Should we call in Cena to give this guy an AA?


WORD LIFE!
 
2013-04-19 11:27:06 AM

Girion47: Random Name Generator: Gonna need a white russian or several after all of this.

No I have to go invent a White Russian Bomb, it will be similar to the Irish Car Bomb.


Call it The Chechen Marathon.
 
2013-04-19 11:27:13 AM
Any word on what happened at the house they had surrounded?
 
2013-04-19 11:27:23 AM
Wondering if  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Folie_%C3%A0_deux  might explain the wide disconnect between the younger brother and the older one.
 
mjg
2013-04-19 11:27:25 AM

urger: The robot is working on the suspect now.


Probably stealing his meds.
 
2013-04-19 11:27:38 AM

Somacandra: mjg: Let the 'profiling' of an entire country (Chechnya) begin.

To be fair, this is how Americans learn physical and cultural geography. People couldn't be bothered to learn what Serbia was until Clinton started dropping bombs.


Oh please, can we get off this stupid trope.  We had the "Things English Don't Understand About Americans" thread a week or two ago.  The US is a huge country and an educated American understands a lot about our geography.  Individual countries in Europe are tiny, and therefore they know more about the geography of neighboring countries.  Because all of Europe could fit into the US.

I worked with educated Frenchmen who could barely identify 4 US cities, looking at the map.  I'm sure an educated American could identify 4 cities in Europe.
 
2013-04-19 11:27:50 AM
Second Bearcat and robot has been called in.


Jim from SP:  Should we call in Cena to give the perp an AA?
 
2013-04-19 11:28:12 AM
CNN said that they've found the Honda they were looking for in this area, so I wonder if this 60yo guy is the owner and was car jacked like naked guy from last night and the police are also taking no chances with him.
 
2013-04-19 11:28:17 AM
Uncle talking now is just farking surreal.
 
2013-04-19 11:28:41 AM
The uncle on MSNBC right now CANNOT CONTROL THE VOLUME OF HIS VOICE
 
2013-04-19 11:29:04 AM

Vodka Zombie: Girion47: Random Name Generator: Gonna need a white russian or several after all of this.

No I have to go invent a White Russian Bomb, it will be similar to the Irish Car Bomb.

Call it The Chechen Marathon.


Rum n' Coke and a Mentos.
 
2013-04-19 11:29:11 AM
His social network page on some Facebook clone called Vkontakte indicates that he's a Muslim and identifies with Chechnya.
 
2013-04-19 11:29:19 AM
Jumper!
 
2013-04-19 11:29:28 AM
What's the odds that the old guy on the ground is our Comical Savior desperately trying to threadshiat one last time...
 
2013-04-19 11:29:29 AM
"WE HAVE A JUMPER ON THE OVERPASS"
 
2013-04-19 11:29:35 AM
jumper?
 
2013-04-19 11:29:47 AM
And now there is a jumper on a bridge somewhere. Washington St. Overpass at Marginal St.
 
2013-04-19 11:29:47 AM
cdn.coolest-gadgets.com


You bout to get it doggy style son
 
2013-04-19 11:29:51 AM
Fark is getting hammered like that Teen Mom by James "Hung Like a Horse" Deen.
 
2013-04-19 11:29:55 AM
Uncle sounds like Roman Bellic.
 
2013-04-19 11:29:58 AM
Fark, I want to know absolutely everything that's happened up till now.
 
2013-04-19 11:30:08 AM
Police sending in Agent Michael Skarn:

i.imgur.com
 
2013-04-19 11:30:44 AM

jso2897: WillyChase: jso2897: Infernalist: jso2897: Damn I love Farkers. You never learn. After the last 24 hours of total wrong and fail, y'all are still talking about who these guys are and why they did it (assuming they did).
You're really f**king precious.

have a cookie, grandpa.  Matlock will be on in a bit, I promise.

Yeah, I'd be too embarrassed to argue if I were you, too.

Smgth: jso2897: Damn I love Farkers. You never learn. After the last 24 hours of total wrong and fail, y'all are still talking about who these guys are and why they did it (assuming they did).
You're really f**king precious.

Yup, you're certainly not a Farker...

I sure as hell am - didn't I just say I loved Farkers? I'm just not one of the ones with an all-knowing crystal ball.

You lost your crystal bullshiat ball? Better call Drew and get a replacement quickly before you start to act reasonably

Screw Drew's crystal balls - the last one he sent me would only show "Matlock".


And you pay $5 a month for that?
 
2013-04-19 11:30:51 AM

ExpressPork: No doubt the other 99.9% of Muslims who are "peaceful" (lol) will finally call upon that last .1% to stop the killing of innocents



biatch please. No one's interested in your trolling today.
 
2013-04-19 11:31:40 AM
Timeline

- At 5:10 p.m. Thursday, investigators of the bombings release photographs and video of two suspects. They ask for the public's help in identifying the men.

- Around 10:20 p.m., shots are fired on the campus of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Cambridge, just outside Boston.

- At 10:30 p.m., an MIT campus police officer who was responding to a disturbance is found shot multiple times in his vehicle, apparently in a confrontation with the Boston Marathon bombing suspects. He is later pronounced dead.

- Shortly afterward, two armed men reportedly carjack a Mercedes SUV in Cambridge. A man who was in the vehicle is held for about a half hour and then released unharmed at a gas station on Memorial Drive in Cambridge.

- Police soon pursue the carjacked vehicle in Watertown, just west of Cambridge.

- Some kind of explosive devices are thrown from the vehicle in an apparent attempt to stop police. The carjackers and police exchange gunfire. A transit police officer is seriously injured. One suspect, later identified as Suspect No. 1 in the marathon bombings, is critically injured and later pronounced dead.

- Authorities launch a manhunt for the other suspect.

- Around 1 a.m. Friday, gunshots and explosions are heard in Watertown. Dozens of police officers and FBI agents converge on a Watertown neighborhood. A helicopter circles overhead.

- Around 4:30 a.m., Massachusetts state and Boston police hold a short outdoor news briefing. They tell people living in that section of eastern Watertown to stay in their homes. They identify the carjackers as the same men suspected in the marathon bombings. Overnight, police also release a photograph of a man believed to be Suspect No. 2, apparently taken from store video earlier in the evening at a 7-Eleven convenience store in Cambridge. He is wearing a gray hoodie-style sweatshirt.

- Around 5:50 a.m. authorities urge residents in Watertown, Newton, Waltham, Belmont, Cambridge, Arlington and the Allston-Brighton neighborhoods of Boston to stay indoors. All mass transit is shut down.

- Around 6:35 a.m., The Associated Press reports that the bomb suspects are from a Russian region near Chechnya and lived in the United States for at least a year.

- Around 6:45 a.m., The Associated Press identifies the surviving Boston bomb suspect as Dzhokhar A. Tsarnaev, 19, who has been living in Cambridge.

- Around 8 a.m., Boston's police commissioner says all of Boston must stay in their homes as the search for the surviving suspect in the bombings continues.

- Around 8:40 a.m., a U.S. law enforcement official and the uncle of the suspects confirm that the name of the slain suspect is Tamerlan Tsarnaev, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev's older brother.

- Around 10:20 a.m., Connecticut State Police say a gray Honda CRV believed to be linked to Dzhokhar Tsarnaev has been recovered in Boston.

- Around 10:35 a.m., the University Of Massachusetts Dartmouth says it has closed its campus and orderd an evacuation after confirming that missing marathon bombings suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev is registered there. The school says it closed the campus "out of an abundance of caution" as the search continued.
 
2013-04-19 11:31:56 AM
i.imgur.com


What is going on?????????
 
2013-04-19 11:32:15 AM
inert: CNN said that they've found the Honda they were looking for in this area, so I wonder if this 60yo guy is the owner and was car jacked like naked guy from last night and the police are also taking no chances with him.

they could have strapped a device on him and given him a deadman's switch and set him on his way to be a decoy
 
2013-04-19 11:33:26 AM

Great Porn Dragon: Just woke up from having passed out at 5am...OK, pretty much nobody (including myself) expected Chechen bombers.  (Probably because--well, until 15 April, anyways--Chechen bombers tended to very much target Russians within Russia.)

Now of course, the big question is whether the Chucklefark Brothers are in fact more of a homegrown sympathiser cell to Chechen "Emirate revolutionaries", or if they're actually part of a revolutionary cell from Chechnya and the main groups committing (until recently) domestic terrorism in Russia have decided to expand internationally.  (If so...I fear that life is about to become extremely interesting in the Chinese sense for everyone in Grozny and the surrounding area.)

(Frankly, I'm hoping for the former--if the latter, expect the TSA rodgering to start before you even hit the airport...one thing that Chechen terrorists are known for doing is blowing themselves up in the airport security lines because that was the biggest mass of people.)

I also would like to point out that there are at least two separate and distinct factions that have been pushing for an independent Chechnya.  One calls for more of a relatively secular government (if they were to go "Islamic republic" it'd be much more like, oh, say, Malaysia which has a "We're officially Moslem but that's about as much as Germany is officially Lutheran or the UK is officially CoE, we're actually pretty cool with not only all the People of the Book but even Chinese and Indo-Malayans practicing Taoism and Buddhism and Hinduism") and there is a second faction (which is considerably more right-wing, theocratic, and derpier) which calls for the establishment of a "Caucasian Emirate".  Seeing as the older Brosama pretty much supposedly has a Youtube screed up that promotes the theocratic justification given for the "Caucasian Emirate" by its followers, it's pretty obvious what side the Chucklefark Brothers are on.

And in that light, I'd like to send a special message out if somehow Ch ...


From henceforth, we shall refer to these guys as the Chucklefarks.
 
2013-04-19 11:33:29 AM
Welp, mark another one down for the "domestic terrorism" files.
 
2013-04-19 11:33:46 AM
Now there's a jumper...can someone take a photo of this person and put the "Weeeeee!  I'm an attention whore!" caption on it?
 
2013-04-19 11:33:54 AM
Here's his actual twitter account:

https://twitter.com/J_tsar

Apparently a cached profile pic shows it's really him.


Jahar @J_tsar 15 Apr
Ain't no love in the heart of the city, stay safe people

46
RETWEETS
8
FAVORITES 
7:04 PM - 15 Apr 13 · Details
 
2013-04-19 11:34:30 AM
Would creating a new thread for this help the servers?
 
2013-04-19 11:34:42 AM
Help me out, just got back.  Have these guys been here for the past 10 years like I was hearing earlier or have they only been here a couple years on a student visa or something?  Or don't we know?
 
2013-04-19 11:35:15 AM
I feel bad for the innocent guy who was stripped naked by the police and taken away in handcuffs in front of the cameras.

http://www.policymic.com/articles/36407/boston-marathon-bombing-susp ec ts-one-suspect-reportedly-detained
 
2013-04-19 11:35:32 AM
If there's a jumper, that could be the 2nd suspect.  His behavior the last week doesn't strike me as someone who'd allow themselves to be taken alive.
 
2013-04-19 11:35:59 AM

UNC_Samurai: vygramul: DrPainMD: rev. dave: So are we going to bomb the hell out of Chechnya now?  Or are we going to take turns with the Russians making the place as flat as Kansas?

I really hope we don't - so tired of war.

Ummm... we've been waging war, covertly, in Chechnya for a long time. As in decades.

Fissile: That's funny, because the bombers aren't Russian either(despite how the press is trying to spin it), they're Chechens.........America's good Muslim Chechen friends.  The people America paid to destabilize Russia and murder Russian school kids.

One of you is really wrong.

Considering the vast majority of discussion in history and foreign policy, is about how the US walked a path of intentional ambivalence in Chechen relations while actively intervening in the Balkans, in an effort to maintain normalized relations with Russia?  You typically only get the "America was trying to destabilize Russia using Chechnya" argument from crazy people who think the New World Order is a thing.


http://www.nlpwessex.org/docs/ukraine-caspian.htm
 

http://www.reuters.com/article/2009/09/24/us-russia-chechnya-cia-idU ST RE58N5S120090924

http://youtu.be/xHqX-JpO4Yo
 
2013-04-19 11:36:09 AM

Whatever_I_Suppose: [i.imgur.com image 450x324]

What is going on?????????


she made a lot of money off that song..this is a photo from when she was younger though
 
2013-04-19 11:36:15 AM

globalwarmingpraiser: On NBC right now. The Uncle is slamming them for being losers and hating everyone. DAMN.


That interview was incredible.
 
2013-04-19 11:36:23 AM

The My Little Pony Killer: Welp, mark another one down for the "domestic terrorism" files.


I'd say this one's sort of a hybrid.
 
2013-04-19 11:37:38 AM

ha-ha-guy: Time


goddammit Dale Carnegie, its all your fault!
 
2013-04-19 11:38:11 AM
thumbs.anyclip.com

"Farking Germans Russians.  Nothing changes."
 
2013-04-19 11:38:37 AM
Hey Drew, I understand you want to make money, but try to understand that many of us are trying to monitor this thread while listening to news streams. Could we not have video ads that automatically play sound? Thanks.
 
2013-04-19 11:38:46 AM
Meanwhile... on CNN:

http://www.breitbart.com/mediaserver/201F5C24EAB64ECAABE67D8BF893168E . gif

Seriously, view the gif (too large for here). Hilarious over-and-over
 
2013-04-19 11:38:56 AM
LOL things keep disappearing from here! Like the suspect in the bombing!
 
2013-04-19 11:39:07 AM
i.imgur.com


"i said heeeeyy heeeyyy heeeeyyy yeaaaahhh
yyeaaahh heeeeyy heaaaayyyeayrearaghgj

what goin on!"


RIP LINDA PERRY FARRELLY BROTHERS GRIM FANDANGO
 
2013-04-19 11:39:22 AM
Mother was arrested for shoplifting at Natick Lord and Taylor in 2012

http://natick.patch.com/articles/arrests-1-600-in-clothes-stolen
 
2013-04-19 11:39:32 AM
Bob Dylan -  Infidels 2: Back to the Future
 
Displayed 50 of 2731 comments

First | « | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48 | 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | » | Last

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report