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(ABC News) NewsFlash The latest: Boston Marathon bombing suspects identified. One dead, manhunt for the second is underway, ALL OF BOSTON on lockdown   (abcnews.go.com ) divider line
    More: NewsFlash, Boston Marathon, Massachusetts State Police, Watertown, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev  
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22465 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Apr 2013 at 11:34 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»


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2013-04-19 11:15:39 AM  

Theory Of Null: Nabb1: News now reporting Dhokhar was able to withdraw money from an ATM last night.  BIG scoop there, guys.  BIG scoop.

So if they had money why would they rob a 711. Something is farked.


Maybe the 12$ in a college student's account wasn't enough to flee the country...or city...

/Or maybe 19 year old MURDERERS aren't rocket scientists?!

//Nah, let's jump straight to conspiracy.
 
2013-04-19 11:15:41 AM  

Theory Of Null: Nabb1: News now reporting Dhokhar was able to withdraw money from an ATM last night.  BIG scoop there, guys.  BIG scoop.

So if they had money why would they rob a 711. Something is farked.


Because they needed more than the $500 that the ATM would spit out?
 
2013-04-19 11:15:46 AM  
For those of us just tuning in, what's the status of this ordeal?   I went to bed right after Fark crashed following the taxi cab "In custody!" event.
 
2013-04-19 11:15:47 AM  
The officers who tackled him confirmed he had a device or switch in his hand.
Stupid jitterbug
 
2013-04-19 11:15:53 AM  
36 boylston move?
 
2013-04-19 11:15:55 AM  

d23: Robots are trying to undress the guy?


I've seen some weird pron but jeez........
 
2013-04-19 11:16:11 AM  
if you're not on the swat team, get away from the buffet.

The swat team goes first, guys.  That's what we agreed to!
 
2013-04-19 11:16:23 AM  
Jim from SP: Should we call in Cena to give this guy an AA?
 
2013-04-19 11:16:43 AM  
Wait, there are 3 suspects?!  Two still on the loose?

I can't keep up with Fark anymore.
 
2013-04-19 11:17:01 AM  

The Life Of Brian: WHY does CNN keep saying the police are calling for a Russian translator??

Heard nothing like that on the scanner..and the suspect speaks fluent english/been in country & went to highschool for years!


His native language is Russian. He may speak fluent English but at a super stressful time like this, it's better to talk to him in his native language. Also, I think they have his father in Russia on the phone.
 
2013-04-19 11:17:29 AM  
mjg: Let the 'profiling' of an entire country (Chechnya) begin.

To be fair, this is how Americans learn physical and cultural geography. People couldn't be bothered to learn what Serbia was until Clinton started dropping bombs.
 
2013-04-19 11:19:30 AM  

Ctrl-Alt-Del: They're hardcore religious nut jobs - anti-abortion, anti-evolution, anti-pornography, opposed to sex outside of marriage, in favor of harsh anti-drug laws, opposed to feminism, virulently anti-homosexual.


They also dislike the Western paternalism & against Imperialism by the West. They don't like the State of Israel. They are often pro-socialism, especially more radical ones shut out of the system.

And libby libs want to raise them up, while conny cons want to blow the hell out of the brown dudes & any non-Xians.

What's your point? You see the monolithic Other as your enemy, in everything, like the retard RW you hate?
 
2013-04-19 11:20:19 AM  

Coco LaFemme: NewsBreaker @NewsBreaker 7m

BREAKING: Cop in Watertown, Mass to NBC's Kerry Sanders: "If you knew what was going on, you wouldn't be standing here right now." - @mhking


but the media never knows shiat...
 
2013-04-19 11:20:25 AM  
The robot is working on the suspect now.
 
2013-04-19 11:20:35 AM  

THE ROBOT IS ON HIM NOW

 
2013-04-19 11:21:17 AM  

StreetlightInTheGhetto: LewDux: Fissile: Slavic people self identified as Slavic for centuries.

I really doubt it

The department at my alma mater where Polish language/culture studies are located:

Welcome to Slavic Languages and Literatures. Our faculty specialize in Eastern European Literatures and Cultures, including focus on cinema, architecture, and the visual arts.  The cultures we cover include Russian, Polish, Czech, Ukrainian, and Bosnian-Croatian-Serbian; we also have strong interest in Judaic, Central Asian, Baltic, and Balkan cultures (including Greek and Albanian).


Slavic languages are old, self identification as huge etnolinguistic group isn't
 
2013-04-19 11:21:22 AM  

Coco LaFemme: NewsBreaker @NewsBreaker 7m

BREAKING: Cop in Watertown, Mass to NBC's Kerry Sanders: "If you knew what was going on, you wouldn't be standing here right now." - @mhking


Holy fark.
 
2013-04-19 11:21:47 AM  
FARK servers, why do u suck?! T_T
 
2013-04-19 11:21:50 AM  
...a Chechen nationalist? Well, isn't that special, considering as far as I know the US hasn't done squat to hack off the Chechens in a few years.
 
2013-04-19 11:21:56 AM  

miss diminutive: [24.media.tumblr.com image 207x237]

Faster, dammit! Information overload.


Drew needs to find a way for me to inject Fark directly into my veins.

Information is my drug and you all are my dealers.
 
2013-04-19 11:22:20 AM  

urger: The robot is working on the suspect now.


Bow chika bow wow
 
2013-04-19 11:22:22 AM  
Buzzfeed put up a collection of locked-down Boston pics.  Some of them are indeed odd.
 
2013-04-19 11:22:23 AM  

schief2: did i hear the scanner say "use the robot to get the jacket off him"?


24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-04-19 11:22:37 AM  
Just when the story couldn't get any crazier, we've now moved onto the next chapter: Robot Rape.
 
2013-04-19 11:22:42 AM  
EOD is deploying a second robot.
 
2013-04-19 11:22:46 AM  

jso2897: Infernalist: jso2897: Damn I love Farkers. You never learn. After the last 24 hours of total wrong and fail, y'all are still talking about who these guys are and why they did it (assuming they did).
You're really f**king precious.

have a cookie, grandpa.  Matlock will be on in a bit, I promise.

Yeah, I'd be too embarrassed to argue if I were you, too.

Smgth: jso2897: Damn I love Farkers. You never learn. After the last 24 hours of total wrong and fail, y'all are still talking about who these guys are and why they did it (assuming they did).
You're really f**king precious.

Yup, you're certainly not a Farker...

I sure as hell am - didn't I just say I loved Farkers? I'm just not one of the ones with an all-knowing crystal ball.


You lost your crystal bullshiat ball? Better call Drew and get a replacement quickly before you start to act reasonably
 
2013-04-19 11:23:08 AM  

ha-ha-guy: d23: Robots are trying to undress the guy?

Getting awfully rapey in Boston now.


1.bp.blogspot.com

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/old-glory-insurance/n10 76 6/
 
2013-04-19 11:23:17 AM  

Somacandra: mjg: Let the 'profiling' of an entire country (Chechnya) begin.

To be fair, this is how Americans learn physical and cultural geography. People couldn't be bothered to learn what Serbia was until Clinton started dropping bombs.


Glad Fark stayed up long enough for you to post that...mine got eaten.
 
2013-04-19 11:23:47 AM  

i.imgur.com

 
2013-04-19 11:24:03 AM  
img505.imageshack.us
 
2013-04-19 11:24:05 AM  
A SECOND ROBOT HAS HIT THE SOUTH BOMBER
 
2013-04-19 11:24:09 AM  
I love it.  They are interviewing the uncle - Question:  "Any reason you can think why they did this?"  Uncle: "They are losers!"
 
2013-04-19 11:24:21 AM  

Captain Steroid: FARK servers, why do u suck?! T_T


Muffins
 
2013-04-19 11:24:32 AM  

zabadu: Why do all the news stations find people to say "he was such a nice guy"..."I would never have thought it was him"..."he was so sweet"...no one farking cares.  He's a killer now.  Who cares what he "was" because he obviously wasn't.


They're trying to get all the nice kids rounded up for re-education, so they can bring us only the news that makes us not want to live on this planet anymore.
 
2013-04-19 11:24:48 AM  
No doubt the other 99.9% of Muslims who are "peaceful" (lol) will finally call upon that last .1% to stop the killing of innocents.  Muslims will probably hold candlelight vigils in honor of the victims.  Cue the press "releasing" pictures of peaceful muslims in the middle east holding up signs (in perfect english) which say things like "Iranians hearts go out to Boston" etc for the liberal sheeple.
 
2013-04-19 11:26:03 AM  

Captain Steroid: FARK servers, why do u suck?! T_T


they took noted from the SimCity servers.
 
2013-04-19 11:26:03 AM  
On NBC right now. The Uncle is slamming them for being losers and hating everyone. DAMN.
 
2013-04-19 11:26:23 AM  

phyrkrakr: Hey, instead of beating the Islam/Teabagger drums, how about a different conspiracy? These guys are from Chechnya, right? Any way we can tie them into the Boris Berezovsky thing in London? Berezovsky supposedly had some ties to the underworld over there.


Correct, Putin and Boris were good friends
 
2013-04-19 11:26:34 AM  

jonathan_L: muck4doo: jonathan_L: muck4doo: jonathan_L: muck4doo: Thanks for the answer. My son is going to graduate from Baylor next month, and is in the Army ROTC(was originally in Air Force ROTC, but funding got cut). They've had him studying Russian for four years.

Is he good with languages? Another 1 or 2 languages under his belt will really help him.

Yes, he is. I'm sure not. He speaks English, Russian, and Spanish.

If he has time/inclination, I'd suggest he also look into Farsi/Persian or one of the Afghan languages.

Knowing him, he would love that. I'm Mexican(raised in CA), his mom is half Jewish/half Italian. He speaks better Spanish than I do.

Best of luck to him! And thank him for his service should he continue in the Army.


That's his plan. Going to graduate and go into the Army as a 2nd Lieutenant. He's proven to be a lot smarter than I ever was when planning life than I was at his age.
 
2013-04-19 11:26:57 AM  
KEEP UP FARK...
 
2013-04-19 11:26:58 AM  
Just woke up from having passed out at 5am...OK, pretty much nobody (including myself) expected Chechen bombers.  (Probably because--well, until 15 April, anyways--Chechen bombers tended to very much target Russians within Russia.)

Now of course, the big question is whether the Chucklefark Brothers are in fact more of a homegrown sympathiser cell to Chechen "Emirate revolutionaries", or if they're actually part of a revolutionary cell from Chechnya and the main groups committing coontil recently) domestic terrorism in Russia have decided to expand internationally.  (If so...I fear that life is about to become extremely interesting in the Chinese sense for everyone in Grozny and the surrounding area.)

(Frankly, I'm hoping for the former--if the latter, expect the TSA rodgering to start before you even hit the airport...one thing that Chechen terrorists are known for doing is blowing themselves up in the airport security lines because that was the biggest mass of people.)

I also would like to point out that there are at least two separate and distinct factions that have been pushing for an independent Chechnya.  One calls for more of a relatively secular government (if they were to go "Islamic republic" it'd be much more like, oh, say, Malaysia which has a "We're officially Moslem but that's about as much as Germany is officially Lutheran or the UK is officially CoE, we're actually pretty cool with not only all the People of the Book but even Chinese and Indo-Malayans practicing Taoism and Buddhism and Hinduism") and there is a second faction (which is considerably more right-wing, theocratic, and derpier) which calls for the establishment of a "Caucasian Emirate".  Seeing as the older Brosama pretty much supposedly has a Youtube screed up that promotes the theocratic justification given for the "Caucasian Emirate" by its followers, it's pretty obvious what side the Chucklefark Brothers are on.

And in that light, I'd like to send a special message out if somehow Chucklefark Brother the Younger is reading:

What you did was...unspeakably dumb, to the point there are neither words in English nor in Russian nor in Chechnyan nor in pretty much any language speakable by humans to express the sheer level of DUMBASS you have displayed in the past week.  (To get to the proper levels of derp, we'll have to personally interview Azathoth the Blind Idiot God to get its viewpoint, and THAT risks US catching the derp.)

People in the US probably would have had some level of sympathy with the idea of a Chechnyan republic (even a "we're technically a Moslem state but just in the same sense that the UK is a CoE state" sort of deal)...note I said "would have", as you chucklefarks pretty much blew all possibility of sympathy with the Chechnyan cause out the door for a lot of Americans when you decided to blow up the finish line of the Boston Marathon.

Right now, I'd not be a damn bit surprised if a lot of Americans would actively WELCOME Vlad Pooty-Poot reducing Grozny to rubble--whilst riding a rocket there, "Dr. Strangelove" style.  It's actually a tossup between whether the Russians or the Americans are more likely to go into "overkill" mode, especially when little kids are involved.

In short, congratulations on pretty much having set back your cause approximately to the point of the reign of the Romanovs, and may Allah have mercy on your soul because I seriously doubt that Boston's finest are going to have any mercy on your more corporeal parts.
 
2013-04-19 11:27:02 AM  

WillyChase: jso2897: Infernalist: jso2897: Damn I love Farkers. You never learn. After the last 24 hours of total wrong and fail, y'all are still talking about who these guys are and why they did it (assuming they did).
You're really f**king precious.

have a cookie, grandpa.  Matlock will be on in a bit, I promise.

Yeah, I'd be too embarrassed to argue if I were you, too.

Smgth: jso2897: Damn I love Farkers. You never learn. After the last 24 hours of total wrong and fail, y'all are still talking about who these guys are and why they did it (assuming they did).
You're really f**king precious.

Yup, you're certainly not a Farker...

I sure as hell am - didn't I just say I loved Farkers? I'm just not one of the ones with an all-knowing crystal ball.

You lost your crystal bullshiat ball? Better call Drew and get a replacement quickly before you start to act reasonably


Screw Drew's crystal balls - the last one he sent me would only show "Matlock".
 
2013-04-19 11:27:06 AM  

Grand_Moff_Joseph: Jim from SP:  Should we call in Cena to give this guy an AA?


WORD LIFE!
 
2013-04-19 11:27:06 AM  

Girion47: Random Name Generator: Gonna need a white russian or several after all of this.

No I have to go invent a White Russian Bomb, it will be similar to the Irish Car Bomb.


Call it The Chechen Marathon.
 
2013-04-19 11:27:13 AM  
Any word on what happened at the house they had surrounded?
 
2013-04-19 11:27:23 AM  
Wondering if  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Folie_%C3%A0_deux  might explain the wide disconnect between the younger brother and the older one.
 
mjg
2013-04-19 11:27:25 AM  

urger: The robot is working on the suspect now.


Probably stealing his meds.
 
2013-04-19 11:27:38 AM  

Somacandra: mjg: Let the 'profiling' of an entire country (Chechnya) begin.

To be fair, this is how Americans learn physical and cultural geography. People couldn't be bothered to learn what Serbia was until Clinton started dropping bombs.


Oh please, can we get off this stupid trope.  We had the "Things English Don't Understand About Americans" thread a week or two ago.  The US is a huge country and an educated American understands a lot about our geography.  Individual countries in Europe are tiny, and therefore they know more about the geography of neighboring countries.  Because all of Europe could fit into the US.

I worked with educated Frenchmen who could barely identify 4 US cities, looking at the map.  I'm sure an educated American could identify 4 cities in Europe.
 
2013-04-19 11:27:50 AM  
Second Bearcat and robot has been called in.


Jim from SP: Should we call in Cena to give the perp an AA?
 
2013-04-19 11:28:12 AM  
CNN said that they've found the Honda they were looking for in this area, so I wonder if this 60yo guy is the owner and was car jacked like naked guy from last night and the police are also taking no chances with him.
 
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