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(AZ Family)   Sorry about all the smoke from this cremation but that's what happens when you burn an 800 pound person   (azfamily.com) divider line 56
    More: Fail, Scottsdale  
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7993 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Apr 2013 at 1:49 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-18 09:08:32 PM  
WELL.......What do you think happens when fat hits the flame? Think cooking over the BBQ it smokes...Now think of an 800 freak-en pound FATTY!!!!!!

//Should have sold the fatty to China so they could melt it down to make soap and resell it to us at the $-store.
 
2013-04-18 09:21:42 PM  
I wonder how much the ashes from an 800 pound body weighs
 
2013-04-18 09:27:10 PM  

DownDaRiver: I wonder how much the ashes from an 800 pound body weighs


Probably about the same as anyone else, aren't the "ashes" mostly just pulverized bone?
 
2013-04-18 09:28:40 PM  
Well, just remember what happened when they tried to blow up a corpse that big link
 
2013-04-18 09:31:50 PM  
what smells like pork
 
2013-04-18 09:34:35 PM  
Crematorium chimney sweep.
Worst job evar.
 
2013-04-18 11:19:16 PM  
"It is not human soot," he said. So of course, the reporter asked the logical followup question.

Holy shiat, the anchorwoman narrating the story looks like an anorexic Palin!
 
2013-04-19 01:52:55 AM  
www.adolfservices.com
 
2013-04-19 01:55:03 AM  
Mmmmmm.  Roasted long pig.  BIG roasted long pig ;)
 
2013-04-19 01:56:16 AM  
Didn't notice.

/my 'hood.
 
2013-04-19 01:56:34 AM  
But the drippings make almost a gallon of Worcestershire sauce...
 
2013-04-19 01:57:37 AM  
Too much fuel in the primary chamber, not enough residence time in the secondary chamber to burn all of the combustion byproducts off before it goes out of the stack as visible emissions.

/In layman terms, what happens when you load an incinerator beyond the design capacity
 
2013-04-19 01:58:24 AM  
Alkaline hydrolysis is probably the way to go in terms of efficient, least-polluting corpse disposal solutions. Of course, they would have had to cut up Tons o' Fun there into chunks to fit in any sort of machine in that case. But then they probably did that anyway to fit him into the oven.
 
2013-04-19 02:03:52 AM  
I wonder if I can accumulate enough wealth and goodwill amongst friends and family members before I die to be burned on an honest to god viking style pyre.  I image it breaks a whole bunch of laws and whatnot.
 
2013-04-19 02:04:53 AM  
KimNorth:  resell it to us at the $-store.

i391.photobucket.com

*nods in approval*
 
2013-04-19 02:06:37 AM  

Jon iz teh kewl: what smells like pork


I was downwind of a car fire (traffic jam on I-5 north of Seattle) and witnessed a funky smell. Uh oh.
 
2013-04-19 02:07:28 AM  
But according to spontaneous combustion if you just threw a blanket on them and set them alight there would be no smoke or little of it.
 
2013-04-19 02:11:12 AM  

Cagey B: Alkaline hydrolysis is probably the way to go in terms of efficient, least-polluting corpse disposal solutions. Of course, they would have had to cut up Tons o' Fun there into chunks to fit in any sort of machine in that case. But then they probably did that anyway to fit him into the oven.


I thought it was more like this...
images2.wikia.nocookie.net

or even this...


But pieces? Glad I'm skinny.
 
2013-04-19 02:11:52 AM  
And the second one didn't tumble. S'ok tho.
 
2013-04-19 02:14:41 AM  
I think I'm going to donate my skeleton to a medical school rather than burial or creation.
 
2013-04-19 02:16:26 AM  
this is the fastest way to burn calories
 
2013-04-19 02:20:41 AM  

Kevin72: I think I'm going to donate my skeleton to a medical school rather than burial or creation.


Skeleton? Do you expect the feral cats to eat the rest?
 
2013-04-19 02:30:13 AM  

UsikFark: Kevin72: I think I'm going to donate my skeleton to a medical school rather than burial or creation.

Skeleton? Do you expect the feral cats to eat the rest?


Like a sky funeral, but with cats?

/Once they have the taste for it...
 
2013-04-19 02:34:14 AM  

UsikFark: Kevin72: I think I'm going to donate my skeleton to a medical school rather than burial or creation.

Skeleton? Do you expect the feral cats to eat the rest?


I dunno. The book City of Joy about Calcutta had a character that gave slumdog Indians cash advances for selling their skeletons on their death though some of them mysteriously disappeared. I suspect here in America they have the technology to get their skeletons without feral cats.
 
2013-04-19 02:38:01 AM  

Kevin72: UsikFark: Kevin72: I think I'm going to donate my skeleton to a medical school rather than burial or creation.

Skeleton? Do you expect the feral cats to eat the rest?

I dunno. The book City of Joy about Calcutta had a character that gave slumdog Indians cash advances for selling their skeletons on their death though some of them mysteriously disappeared. I suspect here in America they have the technology to get their skeletons without feral cats.


Yes, they offered money for skeletons, but I would assume they could first use your head and hands so surgeons could practice reconstructive surgery and such.
 
2013-04-19 02:41:13 AM  
When i die:

I'm going to have a stick shoved up my ass so middle schoolers can carry me around and use me like a puppet to scare people during Halloween.

PIRATE GHOSTS?!!! crikey.
 
2013-04-19 02:50:33 AM  
priceofoil.org
 
2013-04-19 02:50:58 AM  

UsikFark: Kevin72: UsikFark: Kevin72: I think I'm going to donate my skeleton to a medical school rather than burial or creation.

Skeleton? Do you expect the feral cats to eat the rest?

I dunno. The book City of Joy about Calcutta had a character that gave slumdog Indians cash advances for selling their skeletons on their death though some of them mysteriously disappeared. I suspect here in America they have the technology to get their skeletons without feral cats.

Yes, they offered money for skeletons, but I would assume they could first use your head and hands so surgeons could practice reconstructive surgery and such.


I suppose. I wouldn't be against that.
 
2013-04-19 03:00:10 AM  
To everyone making the fat jokes, you do realize that the person who died was a human being who probably had people who loved and cared for them? I sure hope no one makes fun of the disposal of your remains.
 
2013-04-19 03:00:13 AM  
Had a patient that died, weighing just under 700lbs. Sent him off to be cremated at the same place that cremates the dead animals from the zoo. Wouldn't fit in a standard crematorium oven
 
2013-04-19 03:06:53 AM  

Setitie: To everyone making the fat jokes, you do realize that the person who died was a human being who probably had people who loved and cared for them? I sure hope no one makes fun of the disposal of your remains.


NOW I'M SAD.

thanks guy.
 
2013-04-19 03:13:48 AM  

Setitie: To everyone making the fat jokes, you do realize that the person who died was a human being who probably had people who loved and cared for them? I sure hope no one makes fun of the disposal of your remains.


encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
 
2013-04-19 03:14:26 AM  

KimNorth: WELL.......What do you think happens when fat hits the flame? Think cooking over the BBQ it smokes...Now think of an 800 freak-en pound FATTY!!!!!!

//Should have sold the fatty to  China Tyler Durden so they could melt it down to make soap and resell it to us at the $-store rich biatches.


ftfm

/"Tyler Durden surrenders" would have been faster.
 
2013-04-19 03:16:24 AM  

ladyfortuna: KimNorth:  resell it to us at the $-store.

[i391.photobucket.com image 259x194]

*nods in approval*


Beat me to it.  damnit...

/ nothin: i gots it
 
2013-04-19 03:21:40 AM  

Setitie: To everyone making the fat jokes, you do realize that the person who died was a human being who probably had people who loved and cared for them? I sure hope no one makes fun of the disposal of your remains.


Honestly, if someone wants to make fun at the expense of my remains after I'm dead, go ahead. I'm quite sure I'm not going to care ^^
 
2013-04-19 03:26:51 AM  

Setitie: To everyone making the fat jokes, you do realize that the person who died was a human being who probably had people who loved and cared for them? I sure hope no one makes fun of the disposal of your remains.


The guy who was in a position to know says it wasn't human soot.  So you're wrong.
 
2013-04-19 03:29:07 AM  
What's a little bone dust amongst friends and neighbors?

Just be sure to pull those cooling pies in from your window sills. Oh, and you might want to wait to line-dry your linens...
 
2013-04-19 03:29:51 AM  

BarkingUnicorn: The guy who was in a position to know says it wasn't human soot. So you're wrong.


Of course its not human soot. Such a thing is not possible. Its Previously human soot.
 
2013-04-19 03:51:46 AM  

prollynot: this is the fastest way to burn calories


Fastest way I ever burned 3000 calories was when I left a pizza in the oven too long. Woops!
 
2013-04-19 03:54:12 AM  

UsikFark: Kevin72: UsikFark: Kevin72: I think I'm going to donate my skeleton to a medical school rather than burial or creation.

Skeleton? Do you expect the feral cats to eat the rest?

I dunno. The book City of Joy about Calcutta had a character that gave slumdog Indians cash advances for selling their skeletons on their death though some of them mysteriously disappeared. I suspect here in America they have the technology to get their skeletons without feral cats.

Yes, they offered money for skeletons, but I would assume they could first use your head and hands so surgeons could practice reconstructive surgery and such.


Meh, people that see me now think I need reconstructive surgery, so I can't imagine I will look any better dead, so go for it
 
2013-04-19 04:09:10 AM  

Setitie: To everyone making the fat jokes, you do realize that the person who died was a human being who probably had people who loved and cared for them? I sure hope no one makes fun of the disposal of your remains.


Only fit, straight White males are fully human. Fat people, women, gays, Jews, Muslims, African-Americans, and everyone else is inferior and deserves to be subjugated and ridiculed. Haven't you been paying attention?
 
2013-04-19 05:45:05 AM  

mikefinch: BarkingUnicorn: The guy who was in a position to know says it wasn't human soot. So you're wrong.

Of course its not human soot. Such a thing is not possible. Its Previously human soot.


The Soot Formerly Known As Human.

Ashes to fat, fat to soot.
 
2013-04-19 08:00:47 AM  

Setitie: To everyone making the fat jokes, you do realize that the person who died was a human being who probably had people who loved and cared for them? I sure hope no one makes fun of the disposal of your remains.


Anyone that overweight deserves to die. How is it even possible to weigh that much? Didn't this fatass have any sense of personal responsibility?
 
2013-04-19 08:05:42 AM  
Cremation? I would have thought more like rendering.
 
2013-04-19 08:20:33 AM  

Setitie: To everyone making the fat jokes, you do realize that the person who died was a human being who probably had people who loved and cared for them? I sure hope no one makes fun of the disposal of your remains.


Obviously. Someone that fat must have had a feeder.
 
2013-04-19 08:38:19 AM  
At the funeral home:

i45.tinypic.com
Ripley: It's very pretty, Bishop, but what are we looking for?
Bishop:  That's it. Emergency venting.
Hudson:  Ho, that's beautiful, man. Oh man, that that... that just beats it all...
Hicks: How long 'til it blows?
Bishop: Four hours. With a blast radius of 30 kilometers; equal to about 40 megatons.
 
2013-04-19 09:32:38 AM  
Yeah, grease fires do tend to be smokey.
 
2013-04-19 12:18:41 PM  
Smoking... Hot?
 
2013-04-19 12:33:45 PM  

Spaz-master: [www.adolfservices.com image 800x532]


No-f*cking way. Seriously. Can't look at the pixels myself, but it's gotta be PS.
 
2013-04-19 02:29:13 PM  
Had a friend who used to work at a crematory.  The furnace is rated for how big of a body it can hold, there's was rated for 400 lbs.  They put a 500 lb man in it.  The fat was oozing out of it before too long...


/seriously
 
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