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(The Onion)   Jesus, this week   (theonion.com) divider line 54
    More: Sad, mutilation  
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16139 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Apr 2013 at 5:28 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-18 05:09:14 PM
just pile some more horrific shiat on this hellish shiatshow of a week. Have at it.

I agree.  I dropped two...TWO french fries on the floor today.
 
2013-04-18 05:17:48 PM
An eloquently profane synopsis as only The Onion can.
 
2013-04-18 05:24:05 PM

Apos: An eloquently profane synopsis provided as only The Onion can.



Fixed.
 
2013-04-18 05:34:23 PM

blatz514: just pile some more horrific shiat on this hellish shiatshow of a week. Have at it.

I agree.  I dropped two...TWO french fries on the floor today.


Dude, I know I mess around a lot but I don't have any snark for this.  Are you okay?  Is there anything we can do?
 
2013-04-18 05:36:32 PM

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: blatz514: just pile some more horrific shiat on this hellish shiatshow of a week. Have at it.

I agree.  I dropped two...TWO french fries on the floor today.

Dude, I know I mess around a lot but I don't have any snark for this.  Are you okay?  Is there anything we can do?


I'll get over it.  It's quitting time, so I'll drown my sorrows at the bar.  I hope no one spills my beer...
 
2013-04-18 05:37:54 PM

blatz514: just pile some more horrific shiat on this hellish shiatshow of a week. Have at it.

I agree.  I dropped two...TWO french fries on the floor today.


The terrorists have won.
 
2013-04-18 05:41:30 PM

blatz514: just pile some more horrific shiat on this hellish shiatshow of a week. Have at it.

I agree.  I dropped two...TWO french fries on the floor today.


cdn01.dailycaller.com
 
2013-04-18 05:43:03 PM

blatz514: just pile some more horrific shiat on this hellish shiatshow of a week. Have at it.

I agree.  I dropped two...TWO french fries on the floor today.


Thanks Obama
 
2013-04-18 05:44:57 PM
This week was our way of telling North Korea, you can't do any worse to us than we do to ourselves, little man.
 
2013-04-18 05:47:52 PM
Who thinks  The Cleveland Show being cancelled was the worst?
 
JRB
2013-04-18 05:48:44 PM
I don't know why it's not more obvious to people that April 20 is the full moon of the American year. Going back at least to McVeigh and Columbine, psychos have been deep into a certain historical figure's birthday (and we're not even talking about that dead NorK leader), we've ended up with a permanent blight of remembrances and new crazies locking into the same time of year for more guaranteed awfulness.
 
2013-04-18 05:51:53 PM
I've been thinking for a long time that as divided as we are as a nation (see: gun laws, gheys, gender wars) and as awful as we are to each other, we are getting quite ripe for either conquest, or a nutbag charismatic dictator.

/Yeah, yeah, tinfoil whatever. Still, anyone taking bets?
 
2013-04-18 05:54:48 PM

hardinparamedic: blatz514: just pile some more horrific shiat on this hellish shiatshow of a week. Have at it.

I agree.  I dropped two...TWO french fries on the floor today.

The terrorists have won.


They've won because he called them French Fries, not Freedom Fries like a Real...

/i haz a sad
 
2013-04-18 05:55:37 PM

JRB: I don't know why it's not more obvious to people that April 20 is the full moon of the American year. Going back at least to McVeigh and Columbine, psychos have been deep into a certain historical figure's birthday (and we're not even talking about that dead NorK leader), we've ended up with a permanent blight of remembrances and new crazies locking into the same time of year for more guaranteed awfulness.


Farker LoneCoon made this comment in a North Korea thread last week.  He was right, but not in ways that he thought.
 
2013-04-18 05:56:09 PM

Nem Wan: Who thinks  The Cleveland Show being cancelled was the worst?



Hardly.  A Celtics-Pacers game will never be played.  Never.
 
2013-04-18 06:03:29 PM

Tyrone Biggums: JRB: I don't know why it's not more obvious to people that April 20 is the full moon of the American year. Going back at least to McVeigh and Columbine, psychos have been deep into a certain historical figure's birthday (and we're not even talking about that dead NorK leader), we've ended up with a permanent blight of remembrances and new crazies locking into the same time of year for more guaranteed awfulness.

Farker LoneCoon made this comment in a North Korea thread last week.  He was right, but not in ways that he thought.


Jesus LoonCoon Christ
 
2013-04-18 06:04:09 PM
Didn't the onion have a similar article a while ago that basically just said "fark it All"?
 
2013-04-18 06:04:51 PM
Well they summed it up perfectly and said exactly what I've been thinking, albeit much more eloquently!
 
2013-04-18 06:05:50 PM

blatz514: just pile some more horrific shiat on this hellish shiatshow of a week. Have at it.

I agree.  I dropped two...TWO french fries on the floor today.


GODDAMNIT! Just when I thought things could get any worse.

I'm here for you, brother. Just be strong. Remember... "rock bottom" can become a solid foundation to start the path to recovery.

I suggest we all call our mothers to tell them we love them. Tough times never last... Tough people do.
 
2013-04-18 06:07:35 PM
It has been a pretty bad week for people who don't want to get blown up. By American standards, anyway.
 
2013-04-18 06:15:14 PM
Not big news but West Michigan is breaking that drought with record flooding. Wyoming, MI is in a state of emergency. The weather peeps are going nuts and the rivers are flooding.
 
2013-04-18 06:25:27 PM
www.novusvinum.com
 
2013-04-18 06:28:36 PM

abfab: I've been thinking for a long time that as divided as we are as a nation (see: gun laws, gheys, gender wars) and as awful as we are to each other, we are getting quite ripe for either conquest, or a nutbag charismatic dictator.

/Yeah, yeah, tinfoil whatever. Still, anyone taking bets?


I've been wondering when Nehemiah Scudder was going to turn up, or if (possibly) he already has.
 
2013-04-18 06:30:28 PM

JRB: I don't know why it's not more obvious to people that April 20 is the full moon of the American year. Going back at least to McVeigh and Columbine, psychos have been deep into a certain historical figure's birthday (and we're not even talking about that dead NorK leader), we've ended up with a permanent blight of remembrances and new crazies locking into the same time of year for more guaranteed awfulness.



It goes back even further than Columbine... when I was in 5th grade, I had a bike wreck... on APRIL 19th !!!11!!

We're through the looking glass, here people!
 
2013-04-18 06:36:58 PM
Awww, I love you guys! Come on, bring it in, group hug!
 
2013-04-18 06:41:11 PM
Some people watch way too much news. We had had far worse weeks than this as a nation in the past few years. The difference is that everyone is even more locked into the media's 24 hour-a-day hype than they used to be.
 
2013-04-18 06:43:51 PM

OldRod: JRB: I don't know why it's not more obvious to people that April 20 is the full moon of the American year. Going back at least to McVeigh and Columbine, psychos have been deep into a certain historical figure's birthday (and we're not even talking about that dead NorK leader), we've ended up with a permanent blight of remembrances and new crazies locking into the same time of year for more guaranteed awfulness.


It goes back even further than Columbine... when I was in 5th grade, I had a bike wreck... on APRIL 19th !!!11!!

We're through the looking glass, here people!



I totes stubbed my toe last April 21st. It even bled a little bit.
 
2013-04-18 06:45:32 PM
I say we all show our support for all the victims across the country by sparking a big 'ol blunt at 4:20 on 4/20. To show total national support, we should spark one for each time it turns 4:20, a.m. AND p.m., in each time zone, including Hawaii. United we stand! United we spark! United we buzz!
 
2013-04-18 06:53:14 PM
Broke my coffee pot this morning.
Before I had a chance to make any.

That ruined my day right there.
 
2013-04-18 06:53:27 PM

Xanadone: abfab: I've been thinking for a long time that as divided as we are as a nation (see: gun laws, gheys, gender wars) and as awful as we are to each other, we are getting quite ripe for either conquest, or a nutbag charismatic dictator.

/Yeah, yeah, tinfoil whatever. Still, anyone taking bets?

I've been wondering when Nehemiah Scudder was going to turn up, or if (possibly) he already has.


Me too. I've also wondered if someone (Putin? China?) took a page from the C.I.A.'s well-thumbed handbook, "How to Foment Discontent and Incite Hysteria as a Means to Divide and Conquer," and has applied it well here in the U.S.

/Spending too much time reading history and political science books, actually
 
2013-04-18 07:21:56 PM

lockers: blatz514: just pile some more horrific shiat on this hellish shiatshow of a week. Have at it.

I agree.  I dropped two...TWO french fries on the floor today.

[cdn01.dailycaller.com image 450x193]


NEVER FORGET!
 
2013-04-18 07:45:42 PM
This week in jesus?
 
2013-04-18 07:51:28 PM
Well, don't that just sum it up.

This little breaking thing and the update had me in stitches:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/breaking-the-onion-in-kill-range-of -b oston-bomber,32087/
 
2013-04-18 08:02:08 PM

Nem Wan: Who thinks  The Cleveland Show being cancelled was the worst?


Wait, what?

Hmmm... allow me to consult the Googles....

And just like that this week is now in the top 10....
 
2013-04-18 08:42:33 PM
I spilled a brand new jar of Pace picante sauce all over the stove top last night and had to clean the entire stovetop!

It was a terrible mess.

/csb
 
2013-04-18 09:12:01 PM
I failed every exam I took this week.

/csa
//cool story asshole or cry self asleep?
///you decide
 
2013-04-18 09:55:12 PM
McDonald's gave me 11 nuggets in a 10 nugget meal today, so I guess everything's coming up MichiganFTL right now.
 
2013-04-18 09:55:46 PM
Just wait. Tomorrow's 4/19.

Sleep tight.
 
2013-04-18 10:07:35 PM

kiwimoogle84: Broke my coffee pot this morning.
Before I had a chance to make any.

That ruined my day right there.


Buck up, at least it wasn't full when it broke.
 
2013-04-18 10:08:08 PM
1) Columbine: April 20, 1999
2) Waco: Ended April 19, 1993
3) Oklahoma City Bombing: April 19, 1995
4) Hitler born: April 20, 1889
5) Virginia Tech massacre: April 16, 2007

So, there is some symbolic significance to this week, and the next two days in particular.
 
2013-04-18 10:21:43 PM

JungleBoogie: 1) Columbine: April 20, 1999
2) Waco: Ended April 19, 1993
3) Oklahoma City Bombing: April 19, 1995
4) Hitler born: April 20, 1889
5) Virginia Tech massacre: April 16, 2007

So, there is some symbolic significance to this week, and the next two days in particular.


Spring is in the air, the time for crazy people.
 
2013-04-18 10:25:43 PM
Welcome to every week in Israel/ Iraq/ Syria.
 
2013-04-18 10:44:21 PM

JungleBoogie: 1) Columbine: April 20, 1999
2) Waco: Ended April 19, 1993
3) Oklahoma City Bombing: April 19, 1995
4) Hitler born: April 20, 1889
5) Virginia Tech massacre: April 16, 2007

So, there is some symbolic significance to this week, and the next two days in particular.


I'm just going to start calling the week before Hitler's birthday "Hitler's Curse."
 
2013-04-18 10:52:39 PM

ekdikeo4: JungleBoogie: 1) Columbine: April 20, 1999
2) Waco: Ended April 19, 1993
3) Oklahoma City Bombing: April 19, 1995
4) Hitler born: April 20, 1889
5) Virginia Tech massacre: April 16, 2007

So, there is some symbolic significance to this week, and the next two days in particular.

Spring is in the air, the time for crazy people.


"Spring Fever," indeed! Springtime for Hitler-nuts in Amurikka.

/Back to hibernating, let me know when it's safe, y'all.
 
2013-04-18 10:55:01 PM

Nem Wan: Who thinks  The Cleveland Show being cancelled was the worst?


It was? Thank Jesus!
 
2013-04-19 01:02:31 AM

skybird659: I say we all show our support for all the victims across the country by sparking a big 'ol blunt at 4:20 on 4/20. To show total national support, we should spark one for each time it turns 4:20, a.m. AND p.m., in each time zone, including Hawaii. United we stand! United we spark! United we buzz!


That was beautifull man.
 
2013-04-19 01:35:58 AM
I got in an accident today, hit from behind stopping on an on ramp to let an ambulance have the right of way at a merge. Man, the hit sounded LOUD.

I told the policeman... You know... with all that's going on in the world this week...I'm not even mad about this. This is small stuff compared to what's going on.

The guy who hit me thanked me for not yelling at him. I told him... what's the point of doing that. Waisted energy over small stuff is all that is.

Between NK bent on nuking something, Boston and West... I think this will be the second time in my life where I actually NEED a drink.

Yep. I am going to take a cab tomorrow night and go have a few.
 
2013-04-19 01:56:11 AM
I like to think that The Onion finally published a serious article.
 
2013-04-19 01:57:04 AM
Surprise! farked up carjacking+explosives+cop killing and shiat in Cambridge/Watertown.

/wtf
 
2013-04-19 07:47:56 AM
Yeah, it got worse :(

/The Week That Would Not Die
 
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