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(Right Wing Watch)   Pat Robertson tells viewers to stay away from Dungeons & Dragons because it has "literally destroyed people's lives." Prevented lives from being created, maybe. But "destroyed"?   (rightwingwatch.org) divider line 347
    More: Amusing, Dungeons & Dragons, Pat Robertson  
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6364 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Apr 2013 at 5:01 PM (51 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-19 12:04:25 AM
So the other day I walk into the back room and my two boys are playing with legos.  They have a whole battle set up between all sorts of good and bad guys.  But they are also rolling dice. I ask "what are you guys playing"  "Lego D&D, the orcs and skeletons are only minions so they have  10 pts a piece, the guys with hats are squad leaders and have 20, the guy with the gun is the leader and has 50.  The starwars Wampa has 500 but falls over easy."  Then smaller of the two boys says "ok this orc decides to put his buddy orc into the catapult.  What do you think athletics check to see if he can land without damage?"  "Sure,  +16 he makes it."  he rolls.  "Oh WOW 19, Not only lands but also deals 'fall on top' damage to this guy."  "Next orc trys!  ... Critical miss, not only does he splat but he's head goes into this fire, bounces back and lights his buddy on fire."
It was sort of free play withstatistical chance.  Nice
 
2013-04-19 12:08:18 AM

tinyarena: I played D&D exactly one time
It took the DM three hours to set it up
Three minutes into the game I was killed by an exploding golden pig

/I'm with Pat on this one


That's why you have to keep a high-level mage in your group. They can resurrect the dead. Unless, of course, the mage set you up in order to steal your loot.
 
2013-04-19 12:14:07 AM
images2.wikia.nocookie.net
Ah, well thank goodness we didn't play D&D much, and preferred Chaosium titles. I'm sure Pat is fine with them.
 
2013-04-19 12:19:46 AM

Sock Ruh Tease: Anderson's Pooper: I can count three ordained ministers that were in my college D&D group.

That's a pretty cleric-heavy party.


Go, Team Cleric!
 
2013-04-19 12:29:45 AM
Pat Robertson is just proving he understands the rockin' rollin' by belting out a classic when no one expects it.

/Show me on your character sheet where the Beholder touched you, Pat.
 
2013-04-19 12:34:27 AM

WordyGrrl: tinyarena: I played D&D exactly one time
It took the DM three hours to set it up
Three minutes into the game I was killed by an exploding golden pig

/I'm with Pat on this one

That's why you have to keep a high-level mage in your group. They can resurrect the dead. Unless, of course, the mage set you up in order to steal your loot.


Or the mage is a necromancer and has more beneficial uses of your recently dead corpse.
 
2013-04-19 12:39:55 AM

wingnut396: WordyGrrl: tinyarena: I played D&D exactly one time
It took the DM three hours to set it up
Three minutes into the game I was killed by an exploding golden pig

/I'm with Pat on this one

That's why you have to keep a high-level mage in your group. They can resurrect the dead. Unless, of course, the mage set you up in order to steal your loot.

Or the mage is a necromancer and has more beneficial uses of your recently dead corpse.


Our Mage was a lightning wizard. Useful in combat, but kind of twitchy and a bit of a spaz otherwise.
 
2013-04-19 12:45:00 AM
It's like conservatives have an eight-sided die they cast to find something to be offended about...

D&D

Sex

Drugs

Rock and Roll

Video Games

Comic Books

TV

Porn
 
2013-04-19 01:01:24 AM

lasercannon: [www.demotivationalinc.com image 604x467]


So Pat Robertson's gonna live forever?!
 
2013-04-19 01:01:45 AM

MonoChango: So the other day I walk into the back room and my two boys are playing with legos.  They have a whole battle set up between all sorts of good and bad guys.  But they are also rolling dice. I ask "what are you guys playing"  "Lego D&D, the orcs and skeletons are only minions so they have  10 pts a piece, the guys with hats are squad leaders and have 20, the guy with the gun is the leader and has 50.  The starwars Wampa has 500 but falls over easy."  Then smaller of the two boys says "ok this orc decides to put his buddy orc into the catapult.  What do you think athletics check to see if he can land without damage?"  "Sure,  +16 he makes it."  he rolls.  "Oh WOW 19, Not only lands but also deals 'fall on top' damage to this guy."  "Next orc trys!  ... Critical miss, not only does he splat but he's head goes into this fire, bounces back and lights his buddy on fire."
It was sort of free play withstatistical chance.  Nice


Awesome!

+1000XP for each of your boys
 
2013-04-19 01:02:39 AM

Fano: [www.sjgames.com image 450x581]


God bless Steve Jackson.
 
2013-04-19 01:05:55 AM

scalpod: Fano: [www.sjgames.com image 450x581]

God bless Steve Jackson.




His name is a time machine.
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-04-19 01:07:06 AM

MonoChango: So the other day I walk into the back room and my two boys are playing with legos.  They have a whole battle set up between all sorts of good and bad guys.  But they are also rolling dice. I ask "what are you guys playing"  "Lego D&D, the orcs and skeletons are only minions so they have  10 pts a piece, the guys with hats are squad leaders and have 20, the guy with the gun is the leader and has 50.  The starwars Wampa has 500 but falls over easy."  Then smaller of the two boys says "ok this orc decides to put his buddy orc into the catapult.  What do you think athletics check to see if he can land without damage?"  "Sure,  +16 he makes it."  he rolls.  "Oh WOW 19, Not only lands but also deals 'fall on top' damage to this guy."  "Next orc trys!  ... Critical miss, not only does he splat but he's head goes into this fire, bounces back and lights his buddy on fire."
It was sort of free play withstatistical chance.  Nice


If they ever make official LEGO D& D sets, nerds around the world will die from blood loss when their dicks explode.
 
2013-04-19 01:12:40 AM
I believe he was referring to 4th edition.
 
2013-04-19 01:48:10 AM
I'm confused, if I play D&D with a Catholic priest, then am I going to hell?  And if I do, can I keep playing D&D with him assuming neither of us molests small children?
 
2013-04-19 02:01:44 AM

scalpod: lasercannon: [www.demotivationalinc.com image 604x467]

So Pat Robertson's gonna live forever?!


Evil never dies.
 
2013-04-19 02:32:39 AM
Pat Robertson = best in self-parody for the last 30 years.
 
2013-04-19 03:14:18 AM

Because People in power are Stupid: He was probably referring to the cartoon.

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 742x572]

Stars like Willie Ames and Donny Most really didn't have a career after this flop.


Perhaps not, but Frank Welker (Venger) and Peter Cullen (Tiamat) both had successful careers afterwards.
 
2013-04-19 04:36:07 AM

Ramien: Because People in power are Stupid: He was probably referring to the cartoon.

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 742x572]

Stars like Willie Ames and Donny Most really didn't have a career after this flop.

Perhaps not, but Frank Welker (Venger) and Peter Cullen (Tiamat) both had successful careers afterwards.


Not to nit pick, but Frank Welker's had a pretty big resume pre Dungeons and Dragons.  His career began in the Late 60s.  He was Scooby Doo and Freddie.  Not just human voices either.  If there is an animal sound in an animated show or movie that has been made in the last 40 years, chances are it's Frank.  Dude's amazing.

Peter Cullen I'll give you as his career was largely minor characters in television and variety shows before finding his niche in voice acting in the mid to late 70s.
 
2013-04-19 05:22:46 AM

Count_0: Some of my collection;
[i599.photobucket.com image 850x637]


Keep on the borderlands was the shiat.
 
2013-04-19 05:43:15 AM
Crazies will spout crazy

Religion has literally destroyed people's lives
D&D, about as much as pot...
 
2013-04-19 08:25:51 AM

Magnanimous_J: downstairs: jigger: Is he having flashbacks to 1978? This is what they were saying back then. Also Knights In Satan's Service.

All Children, Devil's Children

I heard it as "Against Christ, Devil's Children"


I heard it was "Anti-Christ / Devil Child"
 
2013-04-19 08:27:32 AM

Rocket To Russia: Magnanimous_J: downstairs: jigger: Is he having flashbacks to 1978? This is what they were saying back then. Also Knights In Satan's Service.

All Children, Devil's Children

I heard it as "Against Christ, Devil's Children"

I heard it was "Anti-Christ / Devil Child"


We need to get to the bottom of whose made up bullsh*t is accurate.  Get me a blue ribbon panel, stat!
 
2013-04-19 09:06:09 AM

hogans: [lh5.googleusercontent.com image 669x507]


You are awesome.
 
2013-04-19 10:01:41 AM

RatMaster999: shortymac: Forbidden Doughnut: Ned Stark: D&D blows. there are much better games out there people. don't roleplay with crap just because its famous crap!

I liked everything up through 3.5....

/ would play Pathfinder if I had the time AND if there were players near me
// at least I have my MMOs, but I remember having way more fun with RPGs back in the 80's-early 90's...
/// Pat wouldn't approve of my SWTOR character; Sith Inquisitor (Assassin), and Dark-side choices as much as possible...

EIP, there's a fark Pathfinder group that meets over skype on Thursdays using a RPG tool called maptools. We wouldn't mind another player or two!

If only I worked different hours...since I'm assuming you don't mean y'all play between 3am and 6am...


We play at 7 - 8pm est.
 
2013-04-19 10:09:54 AM

Gyrfalcon: eudemonist: Gotta disagree with Pat on this one.  D&D helped me _find_ God.

Was he in the last place you looked?


Yep.  He was in the first place I looked, too--I just wasn't looking right.
 
2013-04-19 12:02:01 PM

xria: FloridaWombat: This is the funniest shiat I've read while doing internet inventory in the back room of the game shop I work at part time.

/Hate 4th Ed., the new playtesting kit for D&D has me hoping.  Character generation has a d20 Black Company feel to it.
//Robertson is definitely an Ordo Hereticus Amalathian
///Check out the new Torment project by Monte Cook - just had it's Kickstarter and busted some records.

If you want funny, you should read the review of FATAL over at RPG.net sometime (might be considered NSFW in some senses, given the nature of FATAL necessarily involves discussing things like having to determine your characters maximum anal circumference in case anything large is inserted into your character during your adventures):

http://www.rpg.net/reviews/archive/14/14567.phtml


Sweet Jesus, that stain was one of the worst things ever published.  For a second, I thought that you were saying a new edition came out.  Yep, there is a table telling you the size of a gnome's wang, among other things.
 
2013-04-19 01:08:20 PM

The Muthaship: Rocket To Russia: Magnanimous_J: downstairs: jigger: Is he having flashbacks to 1978? This is what they were saying back then. Also Knights In Satan's Service.

All Children, Devil's Children

I heard it as "Against Christ, Devil's Children"

I heard it was "Anti-Christ / Devil Child"

We need to get to the bottom of whose made up bullsh*t is accurate.  Get me a blue ribbon panel, stat!


However, WASP's "We Are Sexual Perverts" turns out to be true.
 
2013-04-19 01:23:40 PM

keypusher: Not too challenging, evidently, if growing up in a medium-size town in upstate South Carolina 30 years ago is all it takes.


Oh good, you're from SC, you can go look at his farking grave, since that is where he was from, learned his trade, registered his multiple luxury cars, and was buried. While you are at it, do a little research and see where he lived and preached for over 25 years:

Robert T. Gooding
Pastor of the Apponaug Pentecostal Church


While you are at it, go fark yourself for telling me what I lived for over 7 years of MY life.
 
2013-04-19 01:44:54 PM
Read The Pulling Report sometime. The entire idea that D&D was a gateway to Satanism and a destroyer of children's lives was driven by one woman, whose son killed herself and she blamed D&D for it.  All of the religious mendacity, from Chick tracts to Robertson, was based around this sad woman's campaign.

D&D didn't ruin my life, it ruined my math grade because the time spent studying for algebra was instead consumed by building a fortress for my level 20 fighter/mage.  Once I got D&D and my scholastic responsibilities balanced, they coexisted just fine.  As with everything, moderation.  There were some kids that went to my junior/high school that ate D&D at every meal, and they were all the stereotypical nerds.  One remained an outcast his whole life, the others turned out fine and one became a nuclear engineer for the Navy.  I guess every so often the religious types run out of strawmen to wave and have to dig deep into the bag to pull out RPGs,  They want to tackle something that consumes people's lives utterly (and I don't mean this in a bad way), let them research certain MMORPGs.
 
2013-04-19 01:48:57 PM

Shadowtag: Pat Robertson is just proving he understands the rockin' rollin' by belting out a classic when no one expects it.

/Show me on your character sheet where the Beholder touched you, Pat.


Epic fail!

Beholders just like to look!
 
2013-04-19 01:51:36 PM

Bucky Katt: Pat Robertson = best in self-parody for the last 30 years.


Don't be mean.  He was traumatized when that Ilithid attacked him and then starved to death in font of him.
 
2013-04-19 01:54:40 PM

FarkinHostile: keypusher: Not too challenging, evidently, if growing up in a medium-size town in upstate South Carolina 30 years ago is all it takes.

Oh good, you're from SC, you can go look at his farking grave, since that is where he was from, learned his trade, registered his multiple luxury cars, and was buried. While you are at it, do a little research and see where he lived and preached for over 25 years:

Robert T. Gooding
Pastor of the Apponaug Pentecostal Church


While you are at it, go fark yourself for telling me what I lived for over 7 years of MY life.


Well, you certainly live up to your handle.

Robert T. Gooding?  Born in North Carolina, went to college at NC State, honorary degree from an Assemblies of God College, died and buried in Warwick, Rhode Island, lived in Newport News?

http://articles.dailypress.com/2002-10-03/news/0210030242_1_pastor-g oo ding-beaufort-north-kingstown

http://northpoint.edu/

Congratulations on being a very angry, very bad liar.
 
2013-04-19 02:02:52 PM

keypusher: FarkinHostile: keypusher: Not too challenging, evidently, if growing up in a medium-size town in upstate South Carolina 30 years ago is all it takes.

Oh good, you're from SC, you can go look at his farking grave, since that is where he was from, learned his trade, registered his multiple luxury cars, and was buried. While you are at it, do a little research and see where he lived and preached for over 25 years:

Robert T. Gooding
Pastor of the Apponaug Pentecostal Church


While you are at it, go fark yourself for telling me what I lived for over 7 years of MY life.

Well, you certainly live up to your handle.

Robert T. Gooding?  Born in North Carolina, went to college at NC State, honorary degree from an Assemblies of God College, died and buried in Warwick, Rhode Island, lived in Newport News?

http://articles.dailypress.com/2002-10-03/news/0210030242_1_pastor-g oo ding-beaufort-north-kingstown

http://northpoint.edu/

Congratulations on being a very angry, very bad liar.


You do realize you are a complete idiot, right? Perhaps reading comprehension is not your strong suit. Or maybe you suck at researching. Or perhaps all three.

http://articles.dailypress.com/2002-10-02/news/0210020093_1_pastor-g oo ding-beaufort-north-kingstown

Go read that obit. Sound out the words if you have any problems.

farking jackass. Everyone knows it now, too.
 
2013-04-19 02:17:02 PM
I stand corrected on a point. Gooding was buried in Newport News. I was told his hometown in SC. That's what happens when you celebrate during a funeral instead of going to it.
 
2013-04-19 02:31:02 PM

FarkinHostile: I stand corrected on a point. Gooding was buried in Newport News. I was told his hometown in SC. That's what happens when you celebrate during a funeral instead of going to it.


Hold on, "you were told"?  You don't know?  You also said "you can go look at his farking grave, since that is where he was from, learned his trade, registered his multiple luxury cars, and was buried."

All of which is also nonsense, as far as I can tell. Did you just google the guy to use him in this thread and got a little careless?  I mean, he practically destroyed your life, yet everything you say about him is false.
 
2013-04-19 02:33:31 PM

FarkinHostile: I stand corrected on a point. Gooding was buried in Newport News. I was told his hometown in SC. That's what happens when you celebrate during a funeral instead of going to it.


Not to beat this into the ground, but that is also false.
 
2013-04-19 02:43:45 PM

keypusher: FarkinHostile: I stand corrected on a point. Gooding was buried in Newport News. I was told his hometown in SC. That's what happens when you celebrate during a funeral instead of going to it.

Hold on, "you were told"?  You don't know?  You also said "you can go look at his farking grave, since that is where he was from, learned his trade, registered his multiple luxury cars, and was buried."

All of which is also nonsense, as far as I can tell. Did you just google the guy to use him in this thread and got a little careless?  I mean, he practically destroyed your life, yet everything you say about him is false.



WARWICK, R.I. - Robert T. Gooding, 79, pastor of Apponaug Pentecostal Church in Warwick, died Wednesday, September 25, 2002, in Rhode Island Hospital, Providence. He was the husband of Irene Thomas Gooding. They had been married for 57 years. Son of the late Robert P. and Marjorie Taylor Gooding, he was born in Beaufort, N.C., and preceded in death by a brother, Thomas Gooding.

Pastor Gooding attended North Carolina State University, had an honorary degree from Zion Bible Institute in Barrington and was ordained in 1956. He was the "Voice of Glad Tiding" on radio stations WARV and WRIB for 22 years. He was a member and past president of Full Gospel Ministerial and Church Fellowship, and he was founder of Apponaug Christian Academy. (The School I went to before finally getting kicked out for not being a sheep)

Here is a link to the school today:  http://apponaug.org/


Yeah, considering I saw him in the flesh 4 times after leaving the church and school 24 years before he died, a tiny mistake regarding where his grave is means I am lying.

You look like a fool to everyone reading this. And an pedantic asshole.

Put a year of TF up and I'll scan my old year books, pictures of me in that stupid uniform and report cards. Come on, put up or shut up, dickhead.

He didn't ruin my life, but he certainly had a huge negative impact on it. I was physically and mentally abused, so you're damn right I am angry.
 
2013-04-19 02:47:56 PM

keypusher: FarkinHostile: I stand corrected on a point. Gooding was buried in Newport News. I was told his hometown in SC. That's what happens when you celebrate during a funeral instead of going to it.

Not to beat this into the ground, but that is also false.


A funeral service will be held at 2 p.m. Thursday, October 3, in Peninsula Funeral Home, Newport News, Va., with interment immediately following in Greenlawn Memorial Park.


Goddamn, you're farking stupid.
 
2013-04-19 03:18:11 PM

FarkinHostile: keypusher: FarkinHostile: I stand corrected on a point. Gooding was buried in Newport News. I was told his hometown in SC. That's what happens when you celebrate during a funeral instead of going to it.

Hold on, "you were told"?  You don't know?  You also said "you can go look at his farking grave, since that is where he was from, learned his trade, registered his multiple luxury cars, and was buried."

All of which is also nonsense, as far as I can tell. Did you just google the guy to use him in this thread and got a little careless?  I mean, he practically destroyed your life, yet everything you say about him is false.


WARWICK, R.I. - Robert T. Gooding, 79, pastor of Apponaug Pentecostal Church in Warwick, died Wednesday, September 25, 2002, in Rhode Island Hospital, Providence. He was the husband of Irene Thomas Gooding. They had been married for 57 years. Son of the late Robert P. and Marjorie Taylor Gooding, he was born in Beaufort, N.C., and preceded in death by a brother, Thomas Gooding.

Pastor Gooding attended North Carolina State University, had an honorary degree from Zion Bible Institute in Barrington and was ordained in 1956. He was the "Voice of Glad Tiding" on radio stations WARV and WRIB for 22 years. He was a member and past president of Full Gospel Ministerial and Church Fellowship, and he was founder of Apponaug Christian Academy. (The School I went to before finally getting kicked out for not being a sheep)

Here is a link to the school today:  http://apponaug.org/


Yeah, considering I saw him in the flesh 4 times after leaving the church and school 24 years before he died, a tiny mistake regarding where his grave is means I am lying.

You look like a fool to everyone reading this. And an pedantic asshole.

Put a year of TF up and I'll scan my old year books, pictures of me in that stupid uniform and report cards. Come on, put up or shut up, dickhead.

He didn't ruin my life, but he certainly had a huge negative impact on it. I was physically ...


Yeah, you're pretty farked up.  Sorry about that.
 
2013-04-19 03:26:07 PM

keypusher: Yeah, you're pretty farked up. Sorry about that.



So no bet? Pity, I was looking forward to you shelling out $50 for being such an asshole. Granted, I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt you would keep your word and pay, but I suppose it doesn't matter either way.


And if you think I'm farked up, you should see some of his other former students. That mother farker and religious con men like him do a lot of damage to children telling them they will be burned and tortured for all eternity for playing a farking game, among the other abuses that they inflict.
 
2013-04-19 04:28:33 PM
www.randomdistribution.com
Better DnD Cartoon FTW
 
2013-04-19 05:18:22 PM
Didn't mean to stir the sh*t, but I couldn't have done it any better if I had done it purposely.

Internet: Serious Business.
 
2013-04-19 05:37:09 PM

The Muthaship: Didn't mean to stir the sh*t, but I couldn't have done it any better if I had done it purposely.

Internet: Serious Business.


One question:

Do you believe us now?
 
2013-04-19 05:37:45 PM

FarkinHostile: Do you believe us now?


Just you.
 
2013-04-19 05:40:54 PM

The Muthaship: FarkinHostile: Do you believe us now?

Just you.


Eh, I'll take it I suppose, but the stories that the others told were absolutely believable to me. Been there, done that, seen it with my own eyes and ears.
 
2013-04-19 05:45:26 PM

FarkinHostile: Been there, done that, seen it with my own eyes and ears.


I'll have to go back and look, but I don't think I ever said I doubted your story.  In fact, I think our first interaction was you telling me that I should believe the excerpts from Footloose people were posting.  At any rate, I'm still sorry for what you went through.
 
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