If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Deadspin)   Sorority sister lashes out at her sisters for "FARKING SUCKING" at Greek Week social events. Isn't that what sorority girls do? (Not safe for work language everywhere)   (deadspin.com) divider line 69
    More: Ironic  
•       •       •

14935 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Apr 2013 at 3:42 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-04-18 03:41:50 PM
18 votes:
    If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever wooden-slatted chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough farking ride.

    For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this community, we have been farkING UP in terms of circle jerks and general social interactions with meat world people. I've been getting texts on texts about farkers LITERALLY being so farking AWKWARD and so farking BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee, I've been having so much fun with my cats this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to farking find you on site to do it myself.

    I do not give a flying fark, and meat world people do not give a flying fark, about how much you farking love to talk to your cats. You have 361 days out of the farking year to talk to cats, and this week is NOT, I farking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the meat world, and that's not farking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to cats and not other people. Newsflash barjockey you cock: PEOPLE DON'T LIKE INTERNET WEIRDOS. Oh wait, DOUBLE farkING NEWSFLASH: REAL WORLD PEOPLE ARE NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE farkING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE farkING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shiats that have talked openly about posting on FurNation IN FRONT OF MEAT WORLD PEOPLE. Are you people farking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore events. If meat world people openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Mustard Man over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE fark WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be posting on other sites, I don't give a fark if your nonexistent-boyfriend is on it, if your cat is on it, or if your Canadian girlfriend who's a model is on that site. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do farking NOT convince other farkers to leave with you.

    "But Laughter OL!", you say in a whiny little biatch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been showing my BIE on all the sites, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID farkING ASS HATS, IT farkING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW farkING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN farkING UP AT CIRCLE JERKS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being farking WEIRD at CJs (for example, being stupid shiats and saying stuff like "durr what's an Unscrooger?" is not farking funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually circle jerking on the opposing site. The opposing. farking. Site. ARE YOU farkING STUPID?!! I don't give a shiat about Communities, YOU CIRCLE JERK ON OUR GODDAMN SITE AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A CIRCLE JERK? ARE YOU farkING BLIND? Or are you just so farking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the community is going to make your CJs happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE farkING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY YOUR farkING CATS. I will farking coont punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fark if you BANHAMMER me, I WILL farkING ASSAULT YOU.

    "Ohhh Taco Zaires! I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that lurks in the corners eating bacon at night or if you're a weird shiat that does weird shiat during the day, this following message is for you:

    DO NOT POST IN TONIGHT'S CIRCLE JERK.

    I'm not farking kidding. Don't. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS community. I would rather have 40 attractivece internet weirdos that are drunk, talk to internet people, and not farking awkward than 80 that are farking sober dildos. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't circle jerk I'm talking to my google group and TFFB and Tinychat", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't farking post unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our community. Seriously. I swear to farking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's circle jerk, I will tell you to ragequit even if you're lurking in the corner eating bacon. I'm not even kidding. Try me.

    And for those of you who are facepalming at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a fark. Go fark yourself.

    Penis.
2013-04-18 04:09:43 PM
9 votes:
Makes me miss Greek life.  Mark and Bryce and I were all pretty good looking in college.  I was probably the best looking.  I swam a lot so I had an awesome body.  It's been a few years, but I like to think that I still inspire some cucumber sales in the chicks around the office.  If I wasn't the boss and "married", I'd be popping them on and off my cock like swish-ka-bob chicken.

Anyway, M B and I, used to go to off campus parties.  We'd find a dude there with a good looking girlfriend.  Mark and Bryce would buddy up to the dude, talking him up, doing shots with him, really selling himself back to himself.  He was always reticent at first, having never had any positive attention paid to him by a peer, but after a few drinks we was popping off gay jokes, high fiving, all the stupid bro shiat.  That's when I'd go to work on the girlfriend.  M & B would keep him distracted while I talked her into a back bedroom with a little help from Mr. Sandman.

When I'd had her back there for a while, M & B would bring the boyfriend back and throw open the door.  I'd always have his girlfriend doggied out so I could watch the door and see his expression when he recognized who was in the pretty portrait laid before him.  It was always a double banger of shock and sadness, because the girlfriend would look up, with this drenched look of pleasure on her face, and meet the dude's slack jawed gaze.  I'm sure seeing his girlfriend falling in love with a cock behind her stuck in his memory for a while.

But yeah, the biatch in the e-mail sounds nuts.  M & B & I probably would've passed all of them over.  Probably a bunch of fatties.
2013-04-18 03:56:20 PM
5 votes:
You wouldn't think getting date raped would be that important to her.
2013-04-18 04:19:03 PM
4 votes:

macadamnut: FuryOfFirestorm: I don't get why people bother joining a frat. If I want to be abused, humiliated, and almost die from alcohol poisoning, I can do it for a lot cheaper than $1600.

All of you Farkers are hating on a tradition you know nothing about, you all must have been pencil-necked pizza-faced geeks in the Chess Club, fraternity brothers get access to more top-shelf pussy than you could shake a stick at, and the relationships you make in the Brotherhood will last you a lifetime.

/obligatory


While I am a geek (the non-pencil neck variety), I had perfect skin and I was a member of the FFA in high school (there was no Chess Club, sadly). Also, I prefer cock over pussy, and I have lots of friends that I met and kept over the years that didn't acquire via cheap alcohol or paying thousands of dollars.

I'm sorry your parents paid out the nose so you could crawl on all fours in a diaper while you got paddled by several dozen guys - or as I call it, "Tuesday Night".
2013-04-18 03:54:46 PM
4 votes:
"I will farking coont punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fark if you SOR me, I WILL farkING ASSAULT YOU. "

As an executive at a family-friendly Fortune 50 entertainment company, I find myself inexorably drawn to somehow incorporate this phrase into our next division business review.
2013-04-18 05:58:13 PM
3 votes:
FTA: If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't farking show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter.

So the message here is (a) drink up so you're comfortable; and (2) get to farking. This woman is the sort who, when one of her sorority sisters is raped by a high-status frat boy, will tell her to keep quiet about it, you  probably wanted it more than you're admitting, it's OK, he's hot, do NOT go to the cops because it will totally ruin our relationship with Alpha Beta. Date rape? No, that's the loss-leader you give away to get some repeat business. We must increase our market share in with the high-status fraternities.

I suspect she's the hot one in her house and she's pissed because she was turned down at the higher-status sorority house. Now she's hell bent on improving her house which is made up of pleasant-looking but a little awkward, probably all communications majors who'll get married right away to be stay-at-home suburban moms and have nice little family lives and GODDAMMIT YOU STUPID COONTS!! YOU'RE GETTING IN THE WAY OF MY SOCIAL CLIMBING!!!
2013-04-18 04:59:24 PM
3 votes:
She looks like she's just a few years from becoming some poor fella's wife...
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
2013-04-18 04:49:03 PM
3 votes:
It's like Christian Bale if he was a chick in a sorority! Can we have him read this?
2013-04-18 04:16:21 PM
3 votes:
she's just mad they were beaver dammin' her.
2013-04-18 04:04:19 PM
3 votes:

Rapmaster2000: ZTA Purdue:  Everybody Gets Laid.


At Purdue?  Didn't you have a choice?

Ugliest women I have ever seen and I'm a roller derby ref.....
2013-04-18 03:58:28 PM
3 votes:

tricycleracer: All I gathered from that letter is that, for 4 days a year, a sorority becomes the sexual plaything of a designated fraternity.


Yes, the other 361 days, they're the sexual playthings of all fraternities.
2013-04-18 03:55:26 PM
3 votes:

Because People in power are Stupid: [i50.tinypic.com image 309x36]


See? and that's the problem with modern sororities.  With all those anti- hazing rules, she 's reduced to sending out a deranged e-mail rather than just lining up the reclacitrant sisters and paddling them, thereby giving the guy who installed hidden cameras in thier house when he was "fixing the wiring" somethigng to treasure forever
2013-04-18 03:52:57 PM
3 votes:
So... Pillow fight now?
2013-04-18 03:52:32 PM
3 votes:

youmightberight: I'd mary her just to hear her tell other chicks she's going to coont punt them.


SHouldnt that be coont poont?
2013-04-18 03:52:23 PM
3 votes:

1ceTr0n: Another reason why I stayed home during college with my parents. Not cool? Yes, but I shaved a shiat ton of money and lost my virginity years later by a much more mature woman.


Probably would have lost it earlier if you weren't shaving money. That's a bit creepy.
2013-04-18 03:51:50 PM
3 votes:
I'd mary her just to hear her tell other chicks she's going to coont punt them.
2013-04-18 05:01:18 PM
2 votes:

too_amuzed: What is "SOR"?


Her, after the Sigma Nu's stop by.
2013-04-18 04:44:22 PM
2 votes:

E-Brake: If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever wooden-slatted chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough farking ride...TL/DR


You have given to me the happiness of all years.  That was the beautiful thing of the beauty.  Can I tell you further how much awesomeness was provided by you.

The rest of you are probably bigger persons who do not see the issues from two sides so for this reason fark you.
2013-04-18 04:32:15 PM
2 votes:
I'd like to think this is the revised version. The one she sent after she calmed down and fixed it.

coont
Punt
2013-04-18 04:31:40 PM
2 votes:

blatz514: [wac.9ebf.edgecastcdn.net image 184x960]

biatch needs a sammich.

/sharp knees, ect.


A photo that J.J. Abrams would be proud of.
db2
2013-04-18 04:24:00 PM
2 votes:
This is how you respond properly to her email:

"Wait, are you the fat one, or the slutty one?"
2013-04-18 04:16:06 PM
2 votes:

spentmiles: Makes me miss Greek life.  Mark and Bryce and I were all pretty good looking in college.  I was probably the best looking.....


Nah, your "lawyer slipping his business card under tourniquets" troll the other day was better.  This isn't very hooky, you can't dance to it, I'm giving it a 4.
2013-04-18 04:11:35 PM
2 votes:

FuryOfFirestorm: I don't get why people bother joining a frat. If I want to be abused, humiliated, and almost die from alcohol poisoning, I can do it for a lot cheaper than $1600.


All of you Farkers are hating on a tradition you know nothing about, you all must have been pencil-necked pizza-faced geeks in the Chess Club, fraternity brothers get access to more top-shelf pussy than you could shake a stick at, and the relationships you make in the Brotherhood will last you a lifetime.

/obligatory
2013-04-18 03:49:38 PM
2 votes:

FishyFred: what_now: Yeah, I can see thinking that. I can see saying that, in a closed room by yourself. I can even see typing it, and then deleting it and starting over.

I can't see actually SENDING it to a list serve. That's...that's stupid. And this girl is probably 17-22, so she should know how the internet works. This isn't like some 70 year old senator being confused about the tubes.

She's about to learn something she didn't know: Actions can have consequences.


And consequences have never been the same.
2013-04-18 03:43:48 PM
2 votes:
What a demure, reserved young lass.
2013-04-18 02:14:28 PM
2 votes:
cdn2.screenjunkies.com
2013-04-18 01:30:33 PM
2 votes:
I'm getting a  coont punt tattoo.  God I love this girl
2013-04-18 10:51:34 PM
1 votes:
I'll never understand the American obsession with proms, frats, and college in general. I suspect it's something to do with the absurd 21 drinking age. Frats, at least at our university, were for the dorks and douche-bags, and the overwhelming majority of students were not frat members. Our highschool graduations are a year end party where half the class can legally buy liquor for the other half, and despite our constitutional monarchy, we don't have kings and queens of the student body and I don't understand what home coming is either.

/small snark
2013-04-18 07:28:41 PM
1 votes:
img.photobucket.com
2013-04-18 06:48:21 PM
1 votes:

InmanRoshi: ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: InmanRoshi: WeenerGord: Somebody grabbed a copy of her twitter feed before she deleted it

If that's real this girl is a national treasure.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/the-most-insane-e-mail-from-a-sororit y- girl-you-will-ever-re (Sorry, I know its Buzzfeed, but they identified her but blurred her stuff out...)

 I'm guessing she was raised by a stay at home mom with a 5 bar of Xanax and 2 bottles of wine per day, and a dad who's a stockbroker and doesn't live with the family anymore after he ran off with his secretary half his age in his leased Porsche.


Also known as her future.
2013-04-18 06:43:08 PM
1 votes:
lol, UMD's Delta Gamma website has been hacked: clicky
2013-04-18 06:14:40 PM
1 votes:
Oh man. It looks like somebody's booze / pills / eating disorder / female group pressure just kicked in.

This pic is my favorite...

sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net

L - almost has herself starved down to the point of being considered farkable by frat guys. M - Butterface but makes up for it by being the uiberslut. R - has successfully starved / drank / drugged / self loathed herself to the point of being batshiat crazy.

You other girls need to get with the program! How is the sorority going to maintain membership if they can't demonstrate a proven track record of connecting their members with guys who will make a guaranteed level of income after graduation?
2013-04-18 05:54:27 PM
1 votes:
Hope she doesn't get put on double-secret probation.
2013-04-18 05:34:13 PM
1 votes:
That was indescribably beautiful.  I hope my son marries this girl just so that I can listen to her rail on him when he farks up.
2013-04-18 05:12:46 PM
1 votes:

skullkrusher: theorellior: All of you Farkers are hating on a tradition you know nothing about, you all must have been pencil-necked pizza-faced geeks in the Chess Club, fraternity brothers get access to more top-shelf pussy than you could shake a stick at, and the relationships you make in the Brotherhood will last you a lifetime .

is this real life?


Or is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality
2013-04-18 05:11:36 PM
1 votes:

E-Brake: I swear to farking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's circle jerk, I will tell you to ragequit even if you're lurking in the corner eating bacon. I'm not even kidding. Try me.


Damn image fail.

www.comicbooktidbits.com
2013-04-18 05:09:57 PM
1 votes:

Dr Dreidel: Mog32Kupo: She looks like a total sorowhore.

It's "sorostitute".


Yes, a "sorowhore" is a woman who has had sex with George Soros, dummy
2013-04-18 05:03:58 PM
1 votes:
She looks and acts exactly like I would expect from a Marlyand sorority chick - tight little body, jacked face, and super crass.
2013-04-18 04:56:12 PM
1 votes:

Lollipop165: You are incorrect as well. That's the plural form.


My bad... as a female on the Internet, I just assumed you were fat.
2013-04-18 04:52:00 PM
1 votes:

srtpointman: It's like Christian Bale if he was a chick in a sorority! Can we have him read this?


Shatner now comes to mind:

I will f*cking......................c*nt.....punch.....the next...person I hear..about doing....
2013-04-18 04:43:06 PM
1 votes:

MagSeven: 1ceTr0n: Another reason why I stayed home during college with my parents. Not cool? Yes, but I shaved a shiat ton of money and lost my virginity years later by a much more mature woman.

Probably would have lost it earlier if you weren't shaving money. That's a bit creepy.


If you're willing to shave money at private parties, you can pay off student loans really quickly.

Or so I've heard.  From a friend.  Of a friend.  Who knows some people.
2013-04-18 04:36:22 PM
1 votes:

tricycleracer: Dat ass:

[sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net image 716x960]



Isn't that Casey Anthony on the right???!!!
2013-04-18 04:27:04 PM
1 votes:

Yanks_RSJ: tricycleracer: Dat ass:

[sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net image 716x960]

So she's the queen bee of the plain Jane sorority?


She's an elder on the council, so maybe not top brass...but yeah, she seems to be the 'THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HIGH SCHOOL, AND HIGH SCHOOL WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE'

Calm down, sister.  Not everyone is an AW and just wants comradery  of a sisterhood.
2013-04-18 04:26:35 PM
1 votes:

marleymaniac: So this is the stupid shiat I missed not going to a U?

iamokwiththis.jpg


Yep. I was in a biochemistry 101 (every class I ever took really) and the professor put this up on the screen. I mean it was all notated and scientific, but this is all that they teach in all college classes for every major in every college and university in the United States of America.

I'm surprised more people don't recognize it from their collegiate studies.
2013-04-18 04:25:47 PM
1 votes:

Yanks_RSJ: tricycleracer: Dat ass:

[sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net image 716x960]

So she's the queen bee of the plain Jane sorority?


And all the Plain Janes have boyfriends in frats other than Sigma Nu and she's jelly.
2013-04-18 04:25:31 PM
1 votes:
i bet the one in the middle got coont poonted.
2013-04-18 04:21:48 PM
1 votes:

Mog32Kupo: She looks like a total sorowhore.


It's "sorostitute".
2013-04-18 04:21:19 PM
1 votes:
white people problems
2013-04-18 04:20:57 PM
1 votes:
I'd poont her coont if you know what I mean and I...

Well, you get the idea.
2013-04-18 04:15:28 PM
1 votes:

FishyFred: I'm not going to post the link, but TotalFratMove has a pic of the girl who sent the e-mail and it's just so easy to visualize her face contorting into Rage Queen mode while she was writing this e-mail.


She looks like a total sorowhore.  She's going to leave school hopefully with a degree and a couple of other things that modern medication can't cure.

But leaving behind at least 2-3 pregnancies.
2013-04-18 04:14:07 PM
1 votes:

jayhawk88: You wouldn't think getting date raped would be that important to her.


Oh I giggled!
So.... any seat, right? We're all going to the same place.
2013-04-18 04:11:58 PM
1 votes:
Maybe I didn't pay enough attention to that rant. but it seemed like a sorostitute LITERALLY screaming "Tits or GTFO!" in an overly complicated manner.
2013-04-18 04:11:16 PM
1 votes:

js34603: LeroyBourne: Girls that say the word 'farking' every other word are not classy, and certainly not sexy on any level.

Obviously you just haven't heard girls use the term correctly. "Keep farking me!"; "Fark me harder!"; both sexy.


I stand corrected.  Now we really need a pic of this girl, for research purposes.
/because you know she's bringing that kind of language to the sack.
//fark poont my coont cave with your meaty daddy dick!!!!
2013-04-18 04:09:49 PM
1 votes:

FuryOfFirestorm: I don't get why people bother joining a frat.


Non-stop anal sex.
2013-04-18 04:09:08 PM
1 votes:

FishyFred: And BarStoolSports has even more.

Jesus Christ.


Not bad, but I'd hate for her to blow up my Facebook wall if I didn't plow her to her exacting specifications.

wac.9ebf.edgecastcdn.net
2013-04-18 04:06:50 PM
1 votes:
I prefer my women more on the middle-left of the psychotic/neurotic scale.

Psychotic---*---------*-------------*--------------*----------Neuroti c
                   ^           ^                ^                  ^
               throws    yells          cries            stalks
2013-04-18 04:03:38 PM
1 votes:
Outstanding use of coont punting, great prose with all of the "farking" references. That's a Grade-A telloff email, right there.

// Golf claps.
2013-04-18 03:57:37 PM
1 votes:
media.screened.com

CINDY
I just want to say that we are not
'Spirit Bunnies' anymore. We always
hated that name. It bugged the heck
out of Dina and me...

DINA
It's just such a put down.
2013-04-18 03:57:01 PM
1 votes:
Is her name Heather?
2013-04-18 03:56:00 PM
1 votes:

1ceTr0n: Another reason why I stayed home during college with my parents. Not cool? Yes, but I shaved a shiat ton of money and lost my virginity years later by a much more mature woman.


Your mom?
2013-04-18 03:54:08 PM
1 votes:

tricycleracer: All I gathered from that letter is that, for 4 days a year, a sorority becomes the sexual plaything of a designated fraternity.

Yes.
2013-04-18 03:53:47 PM
1 votes:

1ceTr0n: Another reason why I stayed home during college with my parents. Not cool? Yes, but I shaved a shiat ton of money and lost my virginity years later by a much more mature woman.


Wow, you're actually bragging about that?
2013-04-18 03:53:14 PM
1 votes:
Expected to see pics of sorority girls sucking.  Leaving disappointed.
2013-04-18 03:52:57 PM
1 votes:

E-Brake: If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever wooden-slatted chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough farking ride...


OMFG, you like flibbety flobbed your num nums. You're totes screwsies in TFD. :)
2013-04-18 03:52:08 PM
1 votes:

Dr Dreidel: As a graduate of UMD, let me be the first to say: LOLgreeks.


Seconded.

I do appreciate how accurately it depicts that lifestyle, though.  As if their social lives will be over if the boys over at Sigma Nu don't like hanging out with them.

In other words, don't be yourselves, be someone who will be liked by this specific group.  Sounds about right.
2013-04-18 03:48:55 PM
1 votes:
i50.tinypic.com
2013-04-18 03:48:48 PM
1 votes:
Another reason why I stayed home during college with my parents. Not cool? Yes, but I shaved a shiat ton of money and lost my virginity years later by a much more mature woman.
2013-04-18 03:45:59 PM
1 votes:

Shostie: I love the response from the chapter president.

It's like we get to see the moment just before she realizes she's in way over her head.


Sorry. The response is over here:

http://gawker.com/5994974/the-most-deranged-sorority-girl-email-you- wi ll-ever-read


My name is Rachel Norris and I am the current president of Delta Gamma at the University of Maryland. It has been brought to my attention that you recently published an unsavory email that was sent out over my chapter's list-serve. Is it possible for you to either remove the article or just remove the names "Delta Gamma" and "Sigma Nu" from your article? This email absolutely does not reflect our chapter's values nor Sigma Nu's and any assistance you can give us is greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Rachel Norris

2013-04-18 03:34:28 PM
1 votes:
Yeah, I can see thinking that. I can see saying that, in a closed room by yourself. I can even see typing it, and then deleting it and starting over.

I can't see actually SENDING it to a list serve. That's...that's stupid. And this girl is probably 17-22, so she should know how the internet works. This isn't like some 70 year old senator being confused about the tubes.
 
Displayed 69 of 69 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report