If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Deadspin)   Sorority sister lashes out at her sisters for "FARKING SUCKING" at Greek Week social events. Isn't that what sorority girls do? (Not safe for work language everywhere)   (deadspin.com) divider line 329
    More: Ironic  
•       •       •

14943 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Apr 2013 at 3:42 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



329 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2013-04-18 01:30:33 PM  
I'm getting a  coont punt tattoo.  God I love this girl
 
2013-04-18 02:14:28 PM  
cdn2.screenjunkies.com
 
2013-04-18 02:25:29 PM  
But oh em gee [first name redacted], I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to farking find you on campus to do it myself.

LULZ
 
2013-04-18 03:04:53 PM  
This girl is awesome. Just. Awesome.
 
2013-04-18 03:31:22 PM  
future senator?
 
2013-04-18 03:34:25 PM  
And people wonder why I joined Student Government as opposed to Greek life

/We threw awesome parties.
 
2013-04-18 03:34:28 PM  
Yeah, I can see thinking that. I can see saying that, in a closed room by yourself. I can even see typing it, and then deleting it and starting over.

I can't see actually SENDING it to a list serve. That's...that's stupid. And this girl is probably 17-22, so she should know how the internet works. This isn't like some 70 year old senator being confused about the tubes.
 
2013-04-18 03:37:39 PM  

FlashHarry: future senator?


Future Majority Leader.
 
2013-04-18 03:40:33 PM  

what_now: Yeah, I can see thinking that. I can see saying that, in a closed room by yourself. I can even see typing it, and then deleting it and starting over.

I can't see actually SENDING it to a list serve. That's...that's stupid. And this girl is probably 17-22, so she should know how the internet works. This isn't like some 70 year old senator being confused about the tubes.


She's about to learn something she didn't know: Actions can have consequences.
 
2013-04-18 03:41:50 PM  
    If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever wooden-slatted chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough farking ride.

    For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this community, we have been farkING UP in terms of circle jerks and general social interactions with meat world people. I've been getting texts on texts about farkers LITERALLY being so farking AWKWARD and so farking BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee, I've been having so much fun with my cats this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to farking find you on site to do it myself.

    I do not give a flying fark, and meat world people do not give a flying fark, about how much you farking love to talk to your cats. You have 361 days out of the farking year to talk to cats, and this week is NOT, I farking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the meat world, and that's not farking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to cats and not other people. Newsflash barjockey you cock: PEOPLE DON'T LIKE INTERNET WEIRDOS. Oh wait, DOUBLE farkING NEWSFLASH: REAL WORLD PEOPLE ARE NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE farkING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE farkING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shiats that have talked openly about posting on FurNation IN FRONT OF MEAT WORLD PEOPLE. Are you people farking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore events. If meat world people openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Mustard Man over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE fark WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be posting on other sites, I don't give a fark if your nonexistent-boyfriend is on it, if your cat is on it, or if your Canadian girlfriend who's a model is on that site. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do farking NOT convince other farkers to leave with you.

    "But Laughter OL!", you say in a whiny little biatch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been showing my BIE on all the sites, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID farkING ASS HATS, IT farkING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW farkING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN farkING UP AT CIRCLE JERKS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being farking WEIRD at CJs (for example, being stupid shiats and saying stuff like "durr what's an Unscrooger?" is not farking funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually circle jerking on the opposing site. The opposing. farking. Site. ARE YOU farkING STUPID?!! I don't give a shiat about Communities, YOU CIRCLE JERK ON OUR GODDAMN SITE AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A CIRCLE JERK? ARE YOU farkING BLIND? Or are you just so farking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the community is going to make your CJs happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE farkING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY YOUR farkING CATS. I will farking coont punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fark if you BANHAMMER me, I WILL farkING ASSAULT YOU.

    "Ohhh Taco Zaires! I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that lurks in the corners eating bacon at night or if you're a weird shiat that does weird shiat during the day, this following message is for you:

    DO NOT POST IN TONIGHT'S CIRCLE JERK.

    I'm not farking kidding. Don't. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS community. I would rather have 40 attractivece internet weirdos that are drunk, talk to internet people, and not farking awkward than 80 that are farking sober dildos. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't circle jerk I'm talking to my google group and TFFB and Tinychat", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't farking post unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our community. Seriously. I swear to farking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's circle jerk, I will tell you to ragequit even if you're lurking in the corner eating bacon. I'm not even kidding. Try me.

    And for those of you who are facepalming at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a fark. Go fark yourself.

    Penis.
 
2013-04-18 03:43:48 PM  
What a demure, reserved young lass.
 
2013-04-18 03:45:04 PM  
I love the response from the chapter president.

It's like we get to see the moment just before she realizes she's in way over her head.
 
2013-04-18 03:45:59 PM  

Shostie: I love the response from the chapter president.

It's like we get to see the moment just before she realizes she's in way over her head.


Sorry. The response is over here:

http://gawker.com/5994974/the-most-deranged-sorority-girl-email-you- wi ll-ever-read


My name is Rachel Norris and I am the current president of Delta Gamma at the University of Maryland. It has been brought to my attention that you recently published an unsavory email that was sent out over my chapter's list-serve. Is it possible for you to either remove the article or just remove the names "Delta Gamma" and "Sigma Nu" from your article? This email absolutely does not reflect our chapter's values nor Sigma Nu's and any assistance you can give us is greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Rachel Norris

 
2013-04-18 03:47:12 PM  
As a graduate of UMD, let me be the first to say: LOLgreeks.
 
2013-04-18 03:47:18 PM  
This is relevant to my interests.
 
2013-04-18 03:47:51 PM  
Greek life, the worst 1600$ of my hard earned money I ever spent. What a farking waste.
 
2013-04-18 03:48:14 PM  
Smooth move.
 
2013-04-18 03:48:48 PM  
Another reason why I stayed home during college with my parents. Not cool? Yes, but I shaved a shiat ton of money and lost my virginity years later by a much more mature woman.
 
2013-04-18 03:48:55 PM  
i50.tinypic.com
 
2013-04-18 03:49:38 PM  

FishyFred: what_now: Yeah, I can see thinking that. I can see saying that, in a closed room by yourself. I can even see typing it, and then deleting it and starting over.

I can't see actually SENDING it to a list serve. That's...that's stupid. And this girl is probably 17-22, so she should know how the internet works. This isn't like some 70 year old senator being confused about the tubes.

She's about to learn something she didn't know: Actions can have consequences.


And consequences have never been the same.
 
2013-04-18 03:49:41 PM  

Shostie: Shostie: I love the response from the chapter president.

It's like we get to see the moment just before she realizes she's in way over her head.

Sorry. The response is over here:

http://gawker.com/5994974/the-most-deranged-sorority-girl-email-you- wi ll-ever-read


My name is Rachel Norris and I am the current president of Delta Gamma at the University of Maryland. It has been brought to my attention that you recently published an unsavory email that was sent out over my chapter's list-serve. Is it possible for you to either remove the article or just remove the names "Delta Gamma" and "Sigma Nu" from your article? This email absolutely does not reflect our chapter's values nor Sigma Nu's and any assistance you can give us is greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Rachel Norris


At least she was polite with the request, no "I'm gonna sue you" or some lame attempt to deny it.  Although sticking her name there for Google to index for all of eternity wasn't the greatest idea.  Time to floor the gas on the getting married part and losing your maiden name.
 
2013-04-18 03:51:07 PM  
All I gathered from that letter is that, for 4 days a year, a sorority becomes the sexual plaything of a designated fraternity.
 
2013-04-18 03:51:27 PM  
NEWS FLASH: Sorority girls are often coonts.
 
2013-04-18 03:51:35 PM  
I went to UMD too.... this girl should have known better than to join DG. They were awful
 
2013-04-18 03:51:50 PM  
I'd mary her just to hear her tell other chicks she's going to coont punt them.
 
2013-04-18 03:52:08 PM  

Dr Dreidel: As a graduate of UMD, let me be the first to say: LOLgreeks.


Seconded.

I do appreciate how accurately it depicts that lifestyle, though.  As if their social lives will be over if the boys over at Sigma Nu don't like hanging out with them.

In other words, don't be yourselves, be someone who will be liked by this specific group.  Sounds about right.
 
2013-04-18 03:52:23 PM  

1ceTr0n: Another reason why I stayed home during college with my parents. Not cool? Yes, but I shaved a shiat ton of money and lost my virginity years later by a much more mature woman.


Probably would have lost it earlier if you weren't shaving money. That's a bit creepy.
 
2013-04-18 03:52:32 PM  

youmightberight: I'd mary her just to hear her tell other chicks she's going to coont punt them.


SHouldnt that be coont poont?
 
2013-04-18 03:52:57 PM  
So... Pillow fight now?
 
2013-04-18 03:52:57 PM  

E-Brake: If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever wooden-slatted chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough farking ride...


OMFG, you like flibbety flobbed your num nums. You're totes screwsies in TFD. :)
 
2013-04-18 03:53:14 PM  
Expected to see pics of sorority girls sucking.  Leaving disappointed.
 
2013-04-18 03:53:27 PM  
Girls that say the word 'farking' every other word are not classy, and certainly not sexy on any level.
 
2013-04-18 03:53:29 PM  
People pay money for this?
 
2013-04-18 03:53:47 PM  

1ceTr0n: Another reason why I stayed home during college with my parents. Not cool? Yes, but I shaved a shiat ton of money and lost my virginity years later by a much more mature woman.


Wow, you're actually bragging about that?
 
rka
2013-04-18 03:53:55 PM  
Having had a roommate in college that was in a Frat (rushed as a junior for some damn reason) I usually find myself mocking Greeks at every opportunity that I can.

But this girl? This girl I would have wanted to party with back in the day. She's got moxie.
 
2013-04-18 03:54:04 PM  
Or are you just so farking dense about what it means to make people like you

Uhhhh
 
2013-04-18 03:54:08 PM  

tricycleracer: All I gathered from that letter is that, for 4 days a year, a sorority becomes the sexual plaything of a designated fraternity.

Yes.
 
2013-04-18 03:54:46 PM  
"I will farking coont punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fark if you SOR me, I WILL farkING ASSAULT YOU. "

As an executive at a family-friendly Fortune 50 entertainment company, I find myself inexorably drawn to somehow incorporate this phrase into our next division business review.
 
2013-04-18 03:55:06 PM  
E - Brake --  Is that the actual email.  The site is blocked from work so I could read it.
 
2013-04-18 03:55:24 PM  
As a sorority alumni, I can totally imagine this happening.

Which is why I laughed so hard when I read this.

She had me at "coont punt".
 
2013-04-18 03:55:26 PM  

Because People in power are Stupid: [i50.tinypic.com image 309x36]


See? and that's the problem with modern sororities.  With all those anti- hazing rules, she 's reduced to sending out a deranged e-mail rather than just lining up the reclacitrant sisters and paddling them, thereby giving the guy who installed hidden cameras in thier house when he was "fixing the wiring" somethigng to treasure forever
 
2013-04-18 03:55:39 PM  

scubamage: Greek life, the worst 1600$ of my hard earned money I ever spent. What a farking waste.



Agreed. Not worth it for me, either. I guess I just don't work well in groups.
 
2013-04-18 03:55:56 PM  
I have to give her respect just for the phrase "coont punt". I am stealing that one :).
 
2013-04-18 03:56:00 PM  

1ceTr0n: Another reason why I stayed home during college with my parents. Not cool? Yes, but I shaved a shiat ton of money and lost my virginity years later by a much more mature woman.


Your mom?
 
2013-04-18 03:56:20 PM  
You wouldn't think getting date raped would be that important to her.
 
2013-04-18 03:57:01 PM  
Is her name Heather?
 
2013-04-18 03:57:12 PM  
TTIWWOP
 
2013-04-18 03:57:37 PM  
media.screened.com

CINDY
I just want to say that we are not
'Spirit Bunnies' anymore. We always
hated that name. It bugged the heck
out of Dina and me...

DINA
It's just such a put down.
 
2013-04-18 03:58:22 PM  
What's her Fark ID?
 
2013-04-18 03:58:28 PM  

tricycleracer: All I gathered from that letter is that, for 4 days a year, a sorority becomes the sexual plaything of a designated fraternity.


Yes, the other 361 days, they're the sexual playthings of all fraternities.
 
2013-04-18 03:58:28 PM  
We have her name...why are we not tracking her down to find out if she is hot or not? I want to know whether I should like her or not!
 
2013-04-18 03:58:51 PM  
I always preferred when we had the slutty sororities for Grand Prix.

ZTA Purdue:  Everybody Gets Laid.
 
2013-04-18 03:59:32 PM  

Yanks_RSJ: Dr Dreidel: As a graduate of UMD, let me be the first to say: LOLgreeks.

Seconded.

I do appreciate how accurately it depicts that lifestyle, though.  As if their social lives will be over if the boys over at Sigma Nu don't like hanging out with them.

In other words, don't be yourselves, be someone who will be liked by this specific group.  Sounds about right.


Meh, I understand the problem she's having. Running a sorority is like running a business. The fact is, if people don't like you, then people don't join you and then your sorority dies out. Likability is what is marketed in Greek life - if you don't understand that your group isn't going to last too long.
 
2013-04-18 04:00:11 PM  

LeroyBourne: Girls that say the word 'farking' every other word are not classy, and certainly not sexy on any level.


Obviously you just haven't heard girls use the term correctly. "Keep farking me!"; "Fark me harder!"; both sexy.
 
2013-04-18 04:00:15 PM  

Lorelle: OMFG, you like flibbety flobbed your num nums. You're totes screwsies in TFD. :)


Kitties!! \o/

durbnpoisn: E - Brake --  Is that the actual email.  The site is blocked from work so I could read it.


Naw, it's a copypasta parody I made for our little TFD community.
 
2013-04-18 04:00:25 PM  
Jesus, what a b*tch.

Here's the "tl:dr" version of her letter:

"OMG you guys! Stop liking what I don't like!"
 
2013-04-18 04:01:05 PM  
Shouldn't this have been greenlit under the Geek tab?
 
2013-04-18 04:01:25 PM  

tricycleracer: All I gathered from that letter is that, for 4 days a year, a sorority becomes the sexual plaything of a designated fraternity.


Hey, those guys at Sigma Nu paid good money decorating their basement and stocking their fridge with Milwaukee's Best, it's downright rude not to fark them all.
 
2013-04-18 04:02:00 PM  
Christ, what an asshole.
 
2013-04-18 04:02:51 PM  

FuryOfFirestorm: Jesus, what a b*tch.

Here's the "tl:dr" version of her letter:

"OMG you guys! Stop liking what I don't like!"


That's not how I read it.  It was more like "we have certain social responsibilities, don't be rude, be good hostesses, you knew that coming in so don't go backing out now."  But with more profanity, invective, and some really good imagery.
 
2013-04-18 04:03:38 PM  
Outstanding use of coont punting, great prose with all of the "farking" references. That's a Grade-A telloff email, right there.

// Golf claps.
 
2013-04-18 04:03:50 PM  
My daughter sent me this link earlier...I can't help but to wish I could say these things to people around me.  I have screamed similiar things in my head but been forced to be nice...now I will just think the words "c*nt punt" and giggle to myself.
 
2013-04-18 04:04:19 PM  

Rapmaster2000: ZTA Purdue:  Everybody Gets Laid.


At Purdue?  Didn't you have a choice?

Ugliest women I have ever seen and I'm a roller derby ref.....
 
2013-04-18 04:04:20 PM  
I'm not going to post the link, but TotalFratMove has a pic of the girl who sent the e-mail and it's just so easy to visualize her face contorting into Rage Queen mode while she was writing this e-mail.
 
2013-04-18 04:04:45 PM  

darkmayo: Is her name Heather?


That was my first reaction. "I must say I'm impressed to see the way she used the phrase "coont poont" in her letter."
 
2013-04-18 04:05:26 PM  

Lollipop165: Meh, I understand the problem she's having. Running a sorority is like running a business. The fact is, if people don't like you, then people don't join you and then your sorority dies out. Likability is what is marketed in Greek life - if you don't understand that your group isn't going to last too long.


Hey, I understand the problem, I'm just pointing out how pathetic it is.
 
2013-04-18 04:05:47 PM  
And BarStoolSports has even more.

Jesus Christ.
 
2013-04-18 04:06:14 PM  
Not as dumbass as the blood-drive email from 2004.  I can't find the original but here's the news article about it with some nice quotes.
 
2013-04-18 04:06:47 PM  
Well, we're farked. Feminism done won forever.
 
2013-04-18 04:06:50 PM  
I prefer my women more on the middle-left of the psychotic/neurotic scale.

Psychotic---*---------*-------------*--------------*----------Neuroti c
                   ^           ^                ^                  ^
               throws    yells          cries            stalks
 
2013-04-18 04:06:51 PM  

scubamage: Greek life, the worst 1600$ of my hard earned money I ever spent. What a farking waste.


I don't get why people bother joining a frat. If I want to be abused, humiliated, and almost die from alcohol poisoning, I can do it for a lot cheaper than $1600.

One of the worst assholes I ever knew was my roommate in college. He spent 90% of his time getting sh*t-faced drunk at his fraternity (the douche only got in because his brother was vice president of the frat or something) and the remaining 10% of his time was spent entering our dorm at 3 AM, soaked in booze and puking all over the floor.
 
2013-04-18 04:08:14 PM  
About 3 sentences in, I wanted to launch this biatch into the sun.

FYI to her and everybody in the Greek system: None of the shiat you're doing right now matters. At all.

And I'm not as impressed by the oh so clever "coont punt" as everyone else, I guess.
 
2013-04-18 04:08:25 PM  
This is poetry.

But I'm having a hard time here...does anyone have pics of what sorority girls might look like? For science.
 
2013-04-18 04:08:28 PM  
This girl is awesome. If I was 20 years younger I'd propose to her.
 
2013-04-18 04:08:29 PM  
I can't stop rereading that and laughing.
 
2013-04-18 04:08:39 PM  
c u next tuesday punt.  that's gold.  i love this email.
 
2013-04-18 04:09:08 PM  

FishyFred: And BarStoolSports has even more.

Jesus Christ.


Not bad, but I'd hate for her to blow up my Facebook wall if I didn't plow her to her exacting specifications.

wac.9ebf.edgecastcdn.net
 
2013-04-18 04:09:26 PM  
Leadership!!!!  She has it.......in spades!!! She may not get far in the PC world, but I would follow that chick into battle in a heartbeat!
 
2013-04-18 04:09:43 PM  
Makes me miss Greek life.  Mark and Bryce and I were all pretty good looking in college.  I was probably the best looking.  I swam a lot so I had an awesome body.  It's been a few years, but I like to think that I still inspire some cucumber sales in the chicks around the office.  If I wasn't the boss and "married", I'd be popping them on and off my cock like swish-ka-bob chicken.

Anyway, M B and I, used to go to off campus parties.  We'd find a dude there with a good looking girlfriend.  Mark and Bryce would buddy up to the dude, talking him up, doing shots with him, really selling himself back to himself.  He was always reticent at first, having never had any positive attention paid to him by a peer, but after a few drinks we was popping off gay jokes, high fiving, all the stupid bro shiat.  That's when I'd go to work on the girlfriend.  M & B would keep him distracted while I talked her into a back bedroom with a little help from Mr. Sandman.

When I'd had her back there for a while, M & B would bring the boyfriend back and throw open the door.  I'd always have his girlfriend doggied out so I could watch the door and see his expression when he recognized who was in the pretty portrait laid before him.  It was always a double banger of shock and sadness, because the girlfriend would look up, with this drenched look of pleasure on her face, and meet the dude's slack jawed gaze.  I'm sure seeing his girlfriend falling in love with a cock behind her stuck in his memory for a while.

But yeah, the biatch in the e-mail sounds nuts.  M & B & I probably would've passed all of them over.  Probably a bunch of fatties.
 
2013-04-18 04:09:49 PM  

FuryOfFirestorm: I don't get why people bother joining a frat.


Non-stop anal sex.
 
2013-04-18 04:10:43 PM  
Stay classy San Diego!
 
2013-04-18 04:10:46 PM  

tricycleracer: FishyFred: And BarStoolSports has even more.

Jesus Christ.

Not bad, but I'd hate for her to blow up my Facebook wall if I didn't plow her to her exacting specifications.


Tongue punch
 
2013-04-18 04:10:47 PM  
Ah Greek Week. Greek week was fun as it had weird or fun events to do, usually to raise money for some charity or several.

The competitions were fun but the pairing with other houses usually just devolves by day 2 or 3. The guys don't care about who shows up for the parties. The ladies get upset as their social funds get used for what become open parties. By end of the week bridges are burned and you hope you don't get paired with them next year :)
 
2013-04-18 04:10:58 PM  

UrinalPooper: This girl is awesome. If I was 20 years younger I'd propose to her.


i wouldn't, but i would get her drunk and see if she would suck my dick.  it really is an amazingly over the top email.  alcohol was hopefully NOT a factor.
 
2013-04-18 04:10:58 PM  

WhippingBoy: FuryOfFirestorm: I don't get why people bother joining a frat.

Non-stop anal sex.


As a gay man, that's not a problem for me.
 
2013-04-18 04:11:16 PM  

js34603: LeroyBourne: Girls that say the word 'farking' every other word are not classy, and certainly not sexy on any level.

Obviously you just haven't heard girls use the term correctly. "Keep farking me!"; "Fark me harder!"; both sexy.


I stand corrected.  Now we really need a pic of this girl, for research purposes.
/because you know she's bringing that kind of language to the sack.
//fark poont my coont cave with your meaty daddy dick!!!!
 
2013-04-18 04:11:35 PM  

FuryOfFirestorm: I don't get why people bother joining a frat. If I want to be abused, humiliated, and almost die from alcohol poisoning, I can do it for a lot cheaper than $1600.


All of you Farkers are hating on a tradition you know nothing about, you all must have been pencil-necked pizza-faced geeks in the Chess Club, fraternity brothers get access to more top-shelf pussy than you could shake a stick at, and the relationships you make in the Brotherhood will last you a lifetime.

/obligatory
 
2013-04-18 04:11:42 PM  
I LOL'd.  She's an idiot for sending the email out.  Fortunately, although her choice of language isn't great, the content isn't anything objectionable.  The Greek system is ALL about social networking, and her sisters were doing a shiat job of it, fumbling an opportunity someone (probably her) worked hard to arrange.
 
2013-04-18 04:11:58 PM  
Maybe I didn't pay enough attention to that rant. but it seemed like a sorostitute LITERALLY screaming "Tits or GTFO!" in an overly complicated manner.
 
2013-04-18 04:12:56 PM  

TiredWings: Leadership!!!!  She has it.......in spades!!! She may not get far in the PC world, but I would follow that chick into battle in a heartbeat!


For sure.  That butt of hers won't quit.
 
2013-04-18 04:13:02 PM  

Lexx: I LOL'd.  She's an idiot for sending the email out.  Fortunately, although her choice of language isn't great, the content isn't anything objectionable.  The Greek system is ALL about social networking, and her sisters were doing a shiat job of it, fumbling an opportunity someone (probably her) worked hard to arrange.


Yeah this is why I love this letter.  This complaint has happened in every sorority that has ever existed. But those complaints were never, ever this epic.
 
2013-04-18 04:13:07 PM  
Love that email. I would have cracked up to receive an email like that in college, whether she is serious or not. Unless she actually physically assaults someone, I hope she does not get in trouble.
 
2013-04-18 04:13:10 PM  

E-Brake: Lorelle: OMFG, you like flibbety flobbed your num nums. You're totes screwsies in TFD. :)

Kitties!! \o/

durbnpoisn: E - Brake --  Is that the actual email.  The site is blocked from work so I could read it.

Naw, it's a copypasta parody I made for our little TFD community.



I love how the filter caught so many things.  I still got the basic gist of what it was about.
 
2013-04-18 04:13:17 PM  

macadamnut: top-shelf pussy


I never get tired of this term.

Perfect name for a parody lounge act.
 
2013-04-18 04:13:28 PM  

FuryOfFirestorm: I don't get why people bother joining a frat. If I want to be abused, humiliated, and almost die from alcohol poisoning, I can do it for a lot cheaper than $1600.


The thing that gets me is the "greek life" racket is so mind-bogglingly potent and effective, that they get women --  women for god's sake -- to  pay for this shiat. Not just pay,  pay a  shiatload of money.
 
2013-04-18 04:14:07 PM  

jayhawk88: You wouldn't think getting date raped would be that important to her.


Oh I giggled!
So.... any seat, right? We're all going to the same place.
 
2013-04-18 04:14:38 PM  

tricycleracer: I didn't plow her to her exacting specifications.


Oh you can bet on one of two things.
Either she is very Dom in bed
or she is very sub.
this chick is not vanilla.
 
2013-04-18 04:15:09 PM  

macadamnut: All of you Farkers are hating on a tradition you know nothing about, you all must have been pencil-necked pizza-faced geeks in the Chess Club, fraternity brothers get access to more top-shelf pussy than you could shake a stick at, and the relationships you make in the Brotherhood will last you a lifetime.

/obligatory


Hey, the classics are classic for a reason.
 
2013-04-18 04:15:28 PM  

FishyFred: I'm not going to post the link, but TotalFratMove has a pic of the girl who sent the e-mail and it's just so easy to visualize her face contorting into Rage Queen mode while she was writing this e-mail.


She looks like a total sorowhore.  She's going to leave school hopefully with a degree and a couple of other things that modern medication can't cure.

But leaving behind at least 2-3 pregnancies.
 
2013-04-18 04:15:44 PM  

tricycleracer: FishyFred: And BarStoolSports has even more.

Jesus Christ.

Not bad, but I'd hate for her to blow up my Facebook wall if I didn't plow her to her exacting specifications.

[wac.9ebf.edgecastcdn.net image 414x823]


Be more flexible, keep trying until you get it right.
 
2013-04-18 04:16:06 PM  

spentmiles: Makes me miss Greek life.  Mark and Bryce and I were all pretty good looking in college.  I was probably the best looking.....


Nah, your "lawyer slipping his business card under tourniquets" troll the other day was better.  This isn't very hooky, you can't dance to it, I'm giving it a 4.
 
2013-04-18 04:16:09 PM  

that bosnian sniper: FuryOfFirestorm: I don't get why people bother joining a frat. If I want to be abused, humiliated, and almost die from alcohol poisoning, I can do it for a lot cheaper than $1600.

The thing that gets me is the "greek life" racket is so mind-bogglingly potent and effective, that they get women --  women for god's sake -- to  pay for this shiat. Not just pay,  pay a  shiatload of money.


Not mind-boggling at all.  They've been trained since they were 4 years old that the best way to get friends is to buy them.
 
2013-04-18 04:16:21 PM  
she's just mad they were beaver dammin' her.
 
2013-04-18 04:16:42 PM  
What does, "SOR me" mean?
 
2013-04-18 04:16:54 PM  
Lmfao, wow.  That chick seems awesome.   coont punt??  She had a few other zingers too.
 
2013-04-18 04:17:18 PM  

FuryOfFirestorm: ng, I can do it for a lot cheaper than $1600.

One of the worst assholes I ever knew was my roommate in college. He spent 90% of his time getting sh*t-faced drunk at his fraternity (the douche only got in because his brother was vice president of the frat or something) and the remaining 10% of his time was spent entering our dorm at 3 AM, soaked in booze and puking all over the floor.


When I joined the fraternity had been known as the "cool guy frat," some musicians, some artists, some potheads, not a lot of binge drinking (the guys who had done that had gotten massive sanctions brought down on the fraternity and had been expunged). Lots of cool, down to earth people. However that paradigm quickly changed because we had to start bringing in new folks, and everyone else focused on quantity over quality. You can guess how that went - I ended up despising 99% of the new members as they tried to turn it into a "jocks only" club and in general made my life miserable.
 
2013-04-18 04:17:22 PM  
fastcache.gawkerassets.com

Wonder joints!
 
2013-04-18 04:17:51 PM  
This is why I never joined any sort of chick club. I mean, I appreciate this broad's gift of cuss, because I loves me some excessive bleepity language, but what a coont this biotch is! I could probably write such a diatribe, but it would be about soccer referees that suck.
 
2013-04-18 04:17:55 PM  

FuryOfFirestorm: WhippingBoy: FuryOfFirestorm: I don't get why people bother joining a frat.

Non-stop anal sex.

As a gay man, that's not a problem for me.


Well, there ya go then!
 
2013-04-18 04:18:26 PM  
Fake.
 
2013-04-18 04:18:28 PM  
Visit Universal Studios

/ask for Babs
//Sigma Nu will be very interested if you suck
 
2013-04-18 04:19:03 PM  

macadamnut: FuryOfFirestorm: I don't get why people bother joining a frat. If I want to be abused, humiliated, and almost die from alcohol poisoning, I can do it for a lot cheaper than $1600.

All of you Farkers are hating on a tradition you know nothing about, you all must have been pencil-necked pizza-faced geeks in the Chess Club, fraternity brothers get access to more top-shelf pussy than you could shake a stick at, and the relationships you make in the Brotherhood will last you a lifetime.

/obligatory


While I am a geek (the non-pencil neck variety), I had perfect skin and I was a member of the FFA in high school (there was no Chess Club, sadly). Also, I prefer cock over pussy, and I have lots of friends that I met and kept over the years that didn't acquire via cheap alcohol or paying thousands of dollars.

I'm sorry your parents paid out the nose so you could crawl on all fours in a diaper while you got paddled by several dozen guys - or as I call it, "Tuesday Night".
 
2013-04-18 04:19:26 PM  
So this is the stupid shiat I missed not going to a U?

iamokwiththis.jpg
 
2013-04-18 04:19:41 PM  

FuryOfFirestorm: Jesus, what a b*tch.

Here's the "tl:dr" version of her letter:

"OMG you guys! Stop liking what I don't like!"


That's not it at all.  The Sorority is like a business and she is telling the employees to shape up and do their jobs.
 
2013-04-18 04:19:51 PM  
Home for the Criminally Inane.
 
2013-04-18 04:19:52 PM  

Wayne 985: What does, "SOR me" mean?


I was wondering about that, so I googled it... and I think the most likely reference is "Sex Offender Registry."

In other words, she made a rape joke, but did it by verbing an acronym.
 
2013-04-18 04:20:28 PM  
I love her letter. It's beautiful.
 
2013-04-18 04:20:34 PM  
Dat ass:

sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net
 
2013-04-18 04:20:57 PM  
I'd poont her coont if you know what I mean and I...

Well, you get the idea.
 
2013-04-18 04:21:19 PM  
white people problems
 
2013-04-18 04:21:47 PM  

tricycleracer: Dat ass:

[sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net image 716x960]


Quit being so nosy.
 
2013-04-18 04:21:48 PM  

Mog32Kupo: She looks like a total sorowhore.


It's "sorostitute".
 
2013-04-18 04:22:41 PM  

FishyFred: She's about to learn something she didn't know: Actions can have consequences.


do you know how many time I have to tell my kids (the college students I work with) that exact thing.  Some of them just don't get it until someone from the National Office shows up to pitch a fit.
 
db2
2013-04-18 04:24:00 PM  
This is how you respond properly to her email:

"Wait, are you the fat one, or the slutty one?"
 
2013-04-18 04:24:33 PM  

tricycleracer: Dat ass:

[sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net image 716x960]


So she's the queen bee of the plain Jane sorority?
 
2013-04-18 04:25:31 PM  
i bet the one in the middle got coont poonted.
 
2013-04-18 04:25:47 PM  

Yanks_RSJ: tricycleracer: Dat ass:

[sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net image 716x960]

So she's the queen bee of the plain Jane sorority?


And all the Plain Janes have boyfriends in frats other than Sigma Nu and she's jelly.
 
2013-04-18 04:25:49 PM  

scubamage: Greek life, the worst 1600$ of my hard earned money I ever spent. What a farking waste.


$1600?  holy shiat.  I paid $25/year while I was active.  Does that kind of money at least get you blown on a weekly basis?
 
2013-04-18 04:26:10 PM  
Gawd I miss college.
 
2013-04-18 04:26:35 PM  

marleymaniac: So this is the stupid shiat I missed not going to a U?

iamokwiththis.jpg


Yep. I was in a biochemistry 101 (every class I ever took really) and the professor put this up on the screen. I mean it was all notated and scientific, but this is all that they teach in all college classes for every major in every college and university in the United States of America.

I'm surprised more people don't recognize it from their collegiate studies.
 
2013-04-18 04:26:50 PM  

LikeALeafOnTheWind: i bet the one in the middle got coont poonted.


Probably, but the one in the tights got poonted twice. Once for not understanding the email and another time for that ugly dress.
 
2013-04-18 04:27:04 PM  

Yanks_RSJ: tricycleracer: Dat ass:

[sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net image 716x960]

So she's the queen bee of the plain Jane sorority?


She's an elder on the council, so maybe not top brass...but yeah, she seems to be the 'THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HIGH SCHOOL, AND HIGH SCHOOL WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE'

Calm down, sister.  Not everyone is an AW and just wants comradery  of a sisterhood.
 
2013-04-18 04:27:51 PM  

ManateeGag: scubamage: Greek life, the worst 1600$ of my hard earned money I ever spent. What a farking waste.

$1600?  holy shiat.  I paid $25/year while I was active.  Does that kind of money at least get you blown on a weekly basis?


Ours was $100/semester I think. It mainly went to any and all arts and crafts (ie making posters for bake sales - there's a lot of that in sorority life) and throwing parties and we had a little fund to help out sisters and pledges who needed help affording the fees and pledge books and things.
 
2013-04-18 04:27:54 PM  
i went way overboard with the snark on that sh*t.
 
2013-04-18 04:29:30 PM  
wac.9ebf.edgecastcdn.net

biatch needs a sammich.

/sharp knees, ect.
 
2013-04-18 04:30:13 PM  

The Muthaship: Rapmaster2000: ZTA Purdue:  Everybody Gets Laid.

At Purdue?  Didn't you have a choice?

Ugliest women I have ever seen and I'm a roller derby ref.....


No argument there.  Stupid engineering school.
 
2013-04-18 04:30:42 PM  

Nabb1: What a demure, reserved young lass.


i'd rather hang out with the sorority sisters berated in the letter than the girl that wrote it.
 
2013-04-18 04:30:51 PM  
That was farking great, reminded me of all out email wars where the point was shock humor and satirical over the top mocking.

Coont punt is greatness
 
2013-04-18 04:30:59 PM  

Mog32Kupo: comradery


*twitch*

// camaraderie
// no spell check, biatches!
 
2013-04-18 04:31:40 PM  

blatz514: [wac.9ebf.edgecastcdn.net image 184x960]

biatch needs a sammich.

/sharp knees, ect.


A photo that J.J. Abrams would be proud of.
 
2013-04-18 04:32:15 PM  
I'd like to think this is the revised version. The one she sent after she calmed down and fixed it.

coont
Punt
 
2013-04-18 04:32:49 PM  

SlothB77: Nabb1: What a demure, reserved young lass.

i'd rather hang out with the sorority sisters berated in the letter than the girl that wrote it.


They all sound boring and annoying. This one is the loud annoying one who thinks she's queen, but the other ones are stuck up biotches who are socially awkward. And you know they can't hold their liquor. No way I'd hang out with them, because I don't like to be vomited on.
 
2013-04-18 04:33:19 PM  
Wow, reading thorough this thead... You guys disappoint. Oh yeah, you'd rather bitterly hate young girls than laugh with them.
 
2013-04-18 04:33:42 PM  
Are we allowed use the C word now?
 
2013-04-18 04:33:53 PM  

blatz514: [wac.9ebf.edgecastcdn.net image 184x960]

biatch needs a sammich.

/sharp knees, ect.


And new shoes
 
2013-04-18 04:34:08 PM  

FishyFred: She's about to learn something she didn't know: Actions can have consequences.


My wife's second cousin got kicked out of school for making similar threats. They don't play around anymore.
 
2013-04-18 04:35:53 PM  
coont punt !! That LITERALLY MADE ME LOL!!
 
2013-04-18 04:35:55 PM  

Shostie: Shostie: I love the response from the chapter president.

It's like we get to see the moment just before she realizes she's in way over her head.

Sorry. The response is over here:

http://gawker.com/5994974/the-most-deranged-sorority-girl-email-you- wi ll-ever-read


My name is Rachel Norris and I am the current president of Delta Gamma at the University of Maryland. It has been brought to my attention that you recently published an unsavory email that was sent out over my chapter's list-serve. Is it possible for you to either remove the article or just remove the names "Delta Gamma" and "Sigma Nu" from your article? This email absolutely does not reflect our chapter's values nor Sigma Nu's and any assistance you can give us is greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Rachel Norris


Yeah, that's my sorority sister... Proud alumn over here...

/Date a Delta Gamma because nothing goes down faster than an Anchor...
 
2013-04-18 04:36:14 PM  

blatz514: [wac.9ebf.edgecastcdn.net image 184x960]

biatch needs a sammich.

/sharp knees, ect.


Doesn't she have any other shoes?

Typical Maryland trash...
 
2013-04-18 04:36:22 PM  

tricycleracer: Dat ass:

[sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net image 716x960]



Isn't that Casey Anthony on the right???!!!
 
2013-04-18 04:36:35 PM  

SlothB77: Nabb1: What a demure, reserved young lass.

i'd rather hang out with the sorority sisters berated in the letter than the girl that wrote it.


Sure, but I bet this one is a tiger in the sack.
 
2013-04-18 04:38:37 PM  

Nabb1: SlothB77: Nabb1: What a demure, reserved young lass.

i'd rather hang out with the sorority sisters berated in the letter than the girl that wrote it.

Sure, but I bet this one is a tiger in the sack.


You never know.  She might fark like she knows she's pretty.  Remember Miss Teen Maryland?
 
2013-04-18 04:38:59 PM  
Greeks! What are they good for? Huh! Absolutely nothing!

/Seriously, fark them farkers. I got no use for them.
//Over thirty? Being Greek still a big deal for you? Congrats, you're a douche!
 
2013-04-18 04:40:03 PM  
Sororities are kind of dumb. I never really understood what the Ladies got out of them. The ones I was familiar with had all sorts of stupid rules and their houses albeit nice were locked down like no other. No guys were supposed to be allowed etc. They had all sorts of dues and it seemed like work

Most Fraternities I was familiar with - Pay your social dues or you can't come to parties (but we will usually turn a blind eye if your not an douche). The money of course was used to simply by booze. You get a better / cheaper place to live
 
2013-04-18 04:40:41 PM  

GirlWonder: /Date a Delta Gamma because nothing goes down faster than an Anchor...


hello nurse!!!

/i've got feeling your profile just got an explosion of traffic...
 
2013-04-18 04:41:47 PM  

E-Brake: "But Laughter OL!", you say in a whiny little biatch voice


You've been deep-greened.
 
2013-04-18 04:42:02 PM  

tricycleracer: All I gathered from that letter is that, for 4 days a year, a sorority becomes the sexual plaything of a designated fraternity.


you only just figured that out now? did you never go to college?
 
2013-04-18 04:42:56 PM  

CliChe Guevara: tricycleracer: All I gathered from that letter is that, for 4 days a year, a sorority becomes the sexual plaything of a designated fraternity.

you only just figured that out now? did you never go to college?


I did, but I was a skinny, pale alcoholic who lived off-campus.
 
2013-04-18 04:42:59 PM  

tricycleracer: Nabb1: SlothB77: Nabb1: What a demure, reserved young lass.

i'd rather hang out with the sorority sisters berated in the letter than the girl that wrote it.

Sure, but I bet this one is a tiger in the sack.

You never know.  She might fark like she knows she's pretty.  Remember Miss Teen Maryland?


Yeah, but based on that video, I'm willing to bet that Miss Teen Maryland never fired off an angry missive to a large group of girls like that.
 
2013-04-18 04:43:06 PM  

MagSeven: 1ceTr0n: Another reason why I stayed home during college with my parents. Not cool? Yes, but I shaved a shiat ton of money and lost my virginity years later by a much more mature woman.

Probably would have lost it earlier if you weren't shaving money. That's a bit creepy.


If you're willing to shave money at private parties, you can pay off student loans really quickly.

Or so I've heard.  From a friend.  Of a friend.  Who knows some people.
 
2013-04-18 04:44:22 PM  

E-Brake: If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever wooden-slatted chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough farking ride...TL/DR


You have given to me the happiness of all years.  That was the beautiful thing of the beauty.  Can I tell you further how much awesomeness was provided by you.

The rest of you are probably bigger persons who do not see the issues from two sides so for this reason fark you.
 
2013-04-18 04:44:58 PM  
Our nation's future is bright
 
2013-04-18 04:45:32 PM  
www.demotivationalposters.org
 
2013-04-18 04:45:55 PM  

spentmiles: Makes me miss Greek life.  Mark and Bryce and I were all pretty good looking in college.  I was probably the best looking.  I swam a lot so I had an awesome body.  It's been a few years, but I like to think that I still inspire some cucumber sales in the chicks around the office.  If I wasn't the boss and "married", I'd be popping them on and off my cock like swish-ka-bob chicken.

Anyway, M B and I, used to go to off campus parties.  We'd find a dude there with a good looking girlfriend.  Mark and Bryce would buddy up to the dude, talking him up, doing shots with him, really selling himself back to himself.  He was always reticent at first, having never had any positive attention paid to him by a peer, but after a few drinks we was popping off gay jokes, high fiving, all the stupid bro shiat.  That's when I'd go to work on the girlfriend.  M & B would keep him distracted while I talked her into a back bedroom with a little help from Mr. Sandman.

When I'd had her back there for a while, M & B would bring the boyfriend back and throw open the door.  I'd always have his girlfriend doggied out so I could watch the door and see his expression when he recognized who was in the pretty portrait laid before him.  It was always a double banger of shock and sadness, because the girlfriend would look up, with this drenched look of pleasure on her face, and meet the dude's slack jawed gaze.  I'm sure seeing his girlfriend falling in love with a cock behind her stuck in his memory for a while.

But yeah, the biatch in the e-mail sounds nuts.  M & B & I probably would've passed all of them over.  Probably a bunch of fatties.


Chad? Is that you?
 
2013-04-18 04:46:41 PM  
dgumd.moonfruit.com

dgumd.moonfruit.com
dgumd.moonfruit.com
 
2013-04-18 04:47:24 PM  

ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: They all sound boring and annoying. This one is the loud annoying one who thinks she's queen, but the other ones are stuck up biotches who are socially awkward. And you know they can't hold their liquor. No way I'd hang out with them, because I don't like to be vomited on.


In my experience, it's the loud, annoying "alpha" type that ends up vomiting anywhere  but inside a bucket, trashcan, or toilet, sobbing and screaming in the bathroom, throwing shiat, and generally wrecking everyone  else's fun in the process.
 
2013-04-18 04:47:50 PM  

Shostie: Shostie: I love the response from the chapter president.

It's like we get to see the moment just before she realizes she's in way over her head.

Sorry. The response is over here:

http://gawker.com/5994974/the-most-deranged-sorority-girl-email-you- wi ll-ever-read


My name is Rachel Norris and I am the current president of Delta Gamma at the University of Maryland. It has been brought to my attention that you recently published an unsavory email that was sent out over my chapter's list-serve. Is it possible for you to either remove the article or just remove the names "Delta Gamma" and "Sigma Nu" from your article? This email absolutely does not reflect our chapter's values nor Sigma Nu's and any assistance you can give us is greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Rachel Norris


Skeeter, we would NEVER talk to our sisters that way!  It's against our chapter values!
img199.imageshack.us
 
2013-04-18 04:48:49 PM  
Just finished reading. As long as she's not too unnatractive, I wanna fark this girl bad.
 
2013-04-18 04:49:03 PM  
It's like Christian Bale if he was a chick in a sorority! Can we have him read this?
 
2013-04-18 04:49:40 PM  

Lollipop165: As a sorority alumni alumnae, I can totally imagine this happening.

 
2013-04-18 04:49:47 PM  
All of you Farkers are hating on a tradition you know nothing about, you all must have been pencil-necked pizza-faced geeks in the Chess Club, fraternity brothers get access to more top-shelf pussy than you could shake a stick at, and the relationships you make in the Brotherhood will last you a lifetime.
 
2013-04-18 04:50:49 PM  

macadamnut: /obligatory


Awwww, crap, I searched on "top shelf" not "top-shelf" and missed it.

/Thanks for covering for me.
 
2013-04-18 04:50:54 PM  

Lexx: The Greek system is ALL about social networking, and her sisters were doing a shiat job of it, fumbling an opportunity someone (probably her) worked hard to arrange.


Boo-hoo.  If the girls weren't having a good time at the Sigma Nu mixer, maybe it's because Sigma Nu sucks and nobody would party with them in the first place unless compelled to by their neurotic social chairs.
 
2013-04-18 04:52:00 PM  

srtpointman: It's like Christian Bale if he was a chick in a sorority! Can we have him read this?


Shatner now comes to mind:

I will f*cking......................c*nt.....punch.....the next...person I hear..about doing....
 
2013-04-18 04:52:10 PM  

tricycleracer: Dat ass:

[sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net image 716x960]


No thanks, butterface and bangin' ass.
 
2013-04-18 04:52:43 PM  

The_Gallant_Gallstone: Lollipop165: As a sorority alumni alumnae, I can totally imagine this happening.


You are incorrect as well. That's the plural form.

Alumna is the singular feminine, which would have been correct.
 
2013-04-18 04:53:01 PM  
that was hilarious
 
2013-04-18 04:53:20 PM  
*reads thread...sees pic../
goddamn
fist of god and all that
 
2013-04-18 04:53:48 PM  

theorellior: All of you Farkers are hating on a tradition you know nothing about, you all must have been pencil-necked pizza-faced geeks in the Chess Club, fraternity brothers get access to more top-shelf pussy than you could shake a stick at, and the relationships you make in the Brotherhood will last you a lifetime.


My dad owns a dealership!

/  Hey Skeeter...
// ... did you score?
 
2013-04-18 04:54:22 PM  

that bosnian sniper: ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: They all sound boring and annoying. This one is the loud annoying one who thinks she's queen, but the other ones are stuck up biotches who are socially awkward. And you know they can't hold their liquor. No way I'd hang out with them, because I don't like to be vomited on.

In my experience, it's the loud, annoying "alpha" type that ends up vomiting anywhere  but inside a bucket, trashcan, or toilet, sobbing and screaming in the bathroom, throwing shiat, and generally wrecking everyone  else's fun in the process.


The Alphas I've known are the ones who secretly upchuck in places without telling everyone. You see them with it on their chin, but you don't know WHERE you're going to find it (bathtub, off the balcony, in your closet are good bets though) but the Awkwards are going to just straight out puke in front of you. No matter what, they can't hold their liquor and they're going to do some ugly crying on your shoulder like they're your good best friend. And they probably take turns being the one caught knob slobbing more than one guy in a night. They can't all go full skitch (skank biotch) in the same night. Since they seem organized, they probably have a calendar of who's night it is to contract something antibiotics may/may not resolve...
 
2013-04-18 04:54:28 PM  

theorellior: All of you Farkers are hating on a tradition you know nothing about, you all must have been pencil-necked pizza-faced geeks in the Chess Club, fraternity brothers get access to more top-shelf pussy than you could shake a stick at, and the relationships you make in the Brotherhood will last you a lifetime .


is this real life?
 
2013-04-18 04:56:12 PM  

Lollipop165: You are incorrect as well. That's the plural form.


My bad... as a female on the Internet, I just assumed you were fat.
 
2013-04-18 04:56:34 PM  

CheetahOlivetti: You've been deep-greened.


Al-gae, you're making me blush.

meow said the dog: You have given to me the happiness of all years. That was the beautiful thing of the beauty. Can I tell you further how much awesomeness was provided by you.

The rest of you are probably bigger persons who do not see the issues from two sides so for this reason fark you.


Thank you Meow, I think.
 
2013-04-18 04:56:34 PM  

theorellior: All of you Farkers are hating on a tradition you know nothing about, you all must have been pencil-necked pizza-faced geeks in the Chess Club, fraternity brothers get access to more top-shelf pussy than you could shake a stick at, and the relationships you make in the Brotherhood will last you a lifetime.

 
2013-04-18 04:57:00 PM  

The_Gallant_Gallstone: Lollipop165: As a sorority alumni alumnae

 alumna,  I can totally imagine this happening.

Greeks apparently don't know how to Latin.
 
2013-04-18 04:59:24 PM  
She looks like she's just a few years from becoming some poor fella's wife...
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
 
2013-04-18 04:59:59 PM  

jaerik: "I will farking coont punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fark if you SOR me, I WILL farkING ASSAULT YOU. "

As an executive at a family-friendly Fortune 50 entertainment company, I find myself inexorably drawn to somehow incorporate this phrase into our next division business review.


What is "SOR"?
 
2013-04-18 05:00:57 PM  

ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: The Alphas I've known are the ones who secretly upchuck in places without telling everyone. You see them with it on their chin, but you don't know WHERE you're going to find it (bathtub, off the balcony, in your closet are good bets though) but the Awkwards are going to just straight out puke in front of you.


I'll grant that, but honestly I prefer "vomit in plain view" to "vomit lotto".  Nobody wins the vomit lotto.
 
2013-04-18 05:01:18 PM  

too_amuzed: What is "SOR"?


Her, after the Sigma Nu's stop by.
 
2013-04-18 05:01:56 PM  
I don't get the whole Greek thing. Here in Canada we don't have that sort of crap, at least not on the same level as it exists in the U.S.

I mean why pay d-bags to humilate and degrade you in often slightly sadistic and homoerotic ways when you can be out drinking and partying with people who don't suck and getting laid? Unless of course you're into that sort of thing (thank you sir may I have another)
 
2013-04-18 05:03:16 PM  
Aaaaiiirrrrr-raaaaaid!!
 
2013-04-18 05:03:58 PM  
She looks and acts exactly like I would expect from a Marlyand sorority chick - tight little body, jacked face, and super crass.
 
2013-04-18 05:04:08 PM  

poot_rootbeer: Greeks apparently don't know how to Latin.


Nah... we specialize more in Latinas... at least on Cinco de Mayo
 
2013-04-18 05:04:17 PM  

poot_rootbeer: Greeks apparently don't know how to Latin.


Maybe it should be s alumnon pl alumna for the true Greek flavor.
 
2013-04-18 05:04:23 PM  

that bosnian sniper: ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: The Alphas I've known are the ones who secretly upchuck in places without telling everyone. You see them with it on their chin, but you don't know WHERE you're going to find it (bathtub, off the balcony, in your closet are good bets though) but the Awkwards are going to just straight out puke in front of you.

I'll grant that, but honestly I prefer "vomit in plain view" to "vomit lotto".  Nobody wins the vomit lotto.


Vomit Lotto or Vomit in Plain View, you're ending up with puke on your stuff, whether you get into the shower and have to "waffle stomp" some vomit while you're hung over too... or you're late and rushing through the yard and walk through it or you are getting dressed and realize its on your shoes or clothes in the closet... or you're drunk and someone pukes on your shoes (which I contend is my exclusive right, only I get to puke on me)... these kinds of broads are not to be invited to parties unless they're at someone else's house... and then they must be avoided when they reach the "WHY ME?" ugly cry stage of the evening.
 
2013-04-18 05:04:57 PM  
This girl ain't got nothing on Alabama sorority girls; especially when it's Nick Saban's daughter.
 
2013-04-18 05:08:37 PM  

E-Brake: NO YOU STUPID farkING ASS HATS


I'm so glad "asshat" has found acceptance in the wider world.
 
2013-04-18 05:08:50 PM  

tricycleracer: FishyFred: And BarStoolSports has even more.

Jesus Christ.

Not bad, but I'd hate for her to blow up my Facebook wall if I didn't plow her to her exacting specifications.

[wac.9ebf.edgecastcdn.net image 414x823]


If this is a lower tier sorority at UMD, then I can only dream of the top tier/shelf.
 
2013-04-18 05:09:28 PM  

The Muthaship: too_amuzed: What is "SOR"?

Her, after the Sigma Nu's stop by.



Λ Ο Λ
 
2013-04-18 05:09:57 PM  

Dr Dreidel: Mog32Kupo: She looks like a total sorowhore.

It's "sorostitute".


Yes, a "sorowhore" is a woman who has had sex with George Soros, dummy
 
2013-04-18 05:10:39 PM  

E-Brake: I swear to farking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's circle jerk, I will tell you to ragequit even if you're lurking in the corner eating bacon.

 
2013-04-18 05:11:36 PM  

E-Brake: I swear to farking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's circle jerk, I will tell you to ragequit even if you're lurking in the corner eating bacon. I'm not even kidding. Try me.


Damn image fail.

www.comicbooktidbits.com
 
2013-04-18 05:12:46 PM  

skullkrusher: theorellior: All of you Farkers are hating on a tradition you know nothing about, you all must have been pencil-necked pizza-faced geeks in the Chess Club, fraternity brothers get access to more top-shelf pussy than you could shake a stick at, and the relationships you make in the Brotherhood will last you a lifetime .

is this real life?


Or is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality
 
2013-04-18 05:12:47 PM  

shifty lookin bleeder: The Muthaship: too_amuzed: What is "SOR"?

Her, after the Sigma Nu's stop by.


Λ Ο Λ


Lambda Omicron Lambda?
 
2013-04-18 05:13:12 PM  

vudukungfu: tricycleracer: I didn't plow her to her exacting specifications.

Oh you can bet on one of two things.
Either she is very Dom in bed
or she is very sub.
this chick is not vanilla.


I vote sub
 
2013-04-18 05:13:40 PM  

too_amuzed: jaerik: "I will farking coont punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fark if you SOR me, I WILL farkING ASSAULT YOU. "

As an executive at a family-friendly Fortune 50 entertainment company, I find myself inexorably drawn to somehow incorporate this phrase into our next division business review.

What is "SOR"?


sexual offender registry.  her point being is that she will coont punt you and doesn't give a fark if it lands her on the sexual offender registry.  the crazy biatch is that serious.
 
2013-04-18 05:14:29 PM  
i.chzbgr.com
 
2013-04-18 05:14:43 PM  

Sweaty Dynamite: This girl ain't got nothing on Alabama sorority girls; especially when it's Nick Saban's daughter.


Cheezus H. Christ, that's some shiat right there.
 
2013-04-18 05:14:51 PM  
Sororities and Frats are groups for insecure people to band together and not feel insecure because they are members of a club

/never in one
//played in a band that played at a LOT of greek functions
///they have huge budgets for social activities
////yes we did grossly overcharge them and steal their women
 
2013-04-18 05:15:23 PM  
+1

That was farking spectacular.
 
2013-04-18 05:16:04 PM  

ManateeGag: shifty lookin bleeder: The Muthaship: too_amuzed: What is "SOR"?

Her, after the Sigma Nu's stop by.


Λ Ο Λ

Lambda Omicron Lambda?


It's coded. Study it out ....
 
2013-04-18 05:16:08 PM  

Lollipop165: As a sorority alumni, I can totally imagine this happening.

Which is why I laughed so hard when I read this.

She had me at "coont punt".


"A(n) alumni"? No.

You're right about "coont poont," though.
 
2013-04-18 05:17:51 PM  

GrahamManning: vudukungfu: tricycleracer: I didn't plow her to her exacting specifications.

Oh you can bet on one of two things.
Either she is very Dom in bed
or she is very sub.
this chick is not vanilla.

I vote sub


I vote a little of column A and a little of column B. Hence the Facebook shaming for not performing as expected. You're supposed to read her mind about whether she's going to be spanked tonight or if you're getting paddled. She's the dangerous type of broad, she's going to berate you after the fact no matter what.
 
2013-04-18 05:19:43 PM  

The Muthaship: too_amuzed: What is "SOR"?

Her, after the Sigma Nu's stop by.


Keyboard . . . you owe me one.
 
2013-04-18 05:20:01 PM  
It really reads like a man wrote it.
 
2013-04-18 05:20:43 PM  

ManateeGag: Λ Ο Λ

Lambda Omicron Lambda?


MFW I realize that the Greek spelling of LOL is a laughing emoji face

/what the hell did I just type
 
2013-04-18 05:24:07 PM  

too_amuzed: jaerik: "I will farking coont punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fark if you SOR me, I WILL farkING ASSAULT YOU. "

As an executive at a family-friendly Fortune 50 entertainment company, I find myself inexorably drawn to somehow incorporate this phrase into our next division business review.

What is "SOR"?


If the video documentaries, yes thats the ticket, I've seen are to be believed, I think that is when there is a conflict in the sorority and to resolve this they all get together and the girls pair up for a make up session, which eventually leads to what I guess could metaphorically be considered some coont punting, if you're flexible with your definition of the word "punt"
 
2013-04-18 05:25:53 PM  
"Those MRS degrees aren't going to be on your ring-finger without any sucking and f*cking! Get to it!!!"
 
2013-04-18 05:26:00 PM  

Sweaty Dynamite: This girl ain't got nothing on Alabama sorority girls; especially when it's Nick Saban's daughter.


that has to be the weirdest legal filing ever.
 
2013-04-18 05:26:13 PM  
Someone has the "needs some new shoes blues"
sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.netwac.9ebf.edgecastcdn.net
 
2013-04-18 05:27:12 PM  

kona: Someone has the "needs some new shoes blues"
[sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net image 555x743][wac.9ebf.edgecastcdn.net image 184x960]


what are you, my wife?   that's the first thing she notices about a woman is her shoes.
 
2013-04-18 05:29:02 PM  

The_Gallant_Gallstone: Lollipop165: As a sorority alumni alumnae, I can totally imagine this happening.


alumna.

alumnae is plural.
 
2013-04-18 05:29:04 PM  
Halfway into TFA, my head LITERALLY asploded


/LITERALLY!!!!
 
2013-04-18 05:34:13 PM  
That was indescribably beautiful.  I hope my son marries this girl just so that I can listen to her rail on him when he farks up.
 
2013-04-18 05:34:15 PM  

ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: GrahamManning: vudukungfu: tricycleracer: I didn't plow her to her exacting specifications.

Oh you can bet on one of two things.
Either she is very Dom in bed
or she is very sub.
this chick is not vanilla.

I vote sub

I vote a little of column A and a little of column B. Hence the Facebook shaming for not performing as expected. You're supposed to read her mind about whether she's going to be spanked tonight or if you're getting paddled. She's the dangerous type of broad, she's going to berate you after the fact no matter what.


malvasiabianca.org
 
2013-04-18 05:35:26 PM  

Sweaty Dynamite: This girl ain't got nothing on Alabama sorority girls; especially when it's Nick Saban's daughter.


yeah, but at her daddy wins football games, so it's no big deal if she sends a sister tot he hospital after a drunken beating.
 
2013-04-18 05:35:29 PM  
FARK, I am disappoint!  WHAR "Animal House" reference?!?
 
2013-04-18 05:36:23 PM  

Loki009: ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: GrahamManning: vudukungfu: tricycleracer: I didn't plow her to her exacting specifications.

Oh you can bet on one of two things.
Either she is very Dom in bed
or she is very sub.
this chick is not vanilla.

I vote sub

I vote a little of column A and a little of column B. Hence the Facebook shaming for not performing as expected. You're supposed to read her mind about whether she's going to be spanked tonight or if you're getting paddled. She's the dangerous type of broad, she's going to berate you after the fact no matter what.

[malvasiabianca.org image 300x169]


I assume you're an advanced Facebook user who could lock down your profile so only you can see her craziness? Because if so, then proceed, with or without caution.
 
2013-04-18 05:38:53 PM  
Yeah, but, I'm on special teams.  Let's talk about the coont punt return...
 
2013-04-18 05:40:08 PM  
Congratulations, Ms. Coont Poonter.  You are as pretty, popular, and powerful as you're ever going to be.  Your entire life is downhill from here.
 
2013-04-18 05:40:08 PM  
Reminded me of MORE DOTS MORE DOTS

Except, you know, with the possibility of pussy.
 
2013-04-18 05:42:01 PM  

FuryOfFirestorm: I don't get why people bother joining a frat


I once had a guy on my lab team in my senior year of college who seemingly had a debilitating learning disability, if not outright borderline retarded.   I literally don't know how he managed to tie his shoes in themorning, much less how he get accepted into a University.   He was also 6'5" and president of his fraternity.         When it came time for on-campus recruiting the rest of my lab mates and I were swapping stories and humble- bragging about who we had interviews lined up with and how long the interviews were and how much they were offering entry level salary, etc.   Finally we got around to the fraternity guy, and he said he wasn't bothering with interviewing because he had already accepted a job offer.  Oh, and he was  making about 50% more than the rest of us.    He got the job through a former ex-President of his fraternity.        In a world of who you know, not what you know ... he was at least 5 years head of us on the career ladder.
 
2013-04-18 05:46:52 PM  
Thanks, subby! I needed the laugh.
 
2013-04-18 05:48:34 PM  

Potter82: I don't get the whole Greek thing. Here in Canada we don't have that sort of crap, at least not on the same level as it exists in the U.S.

I mean why pay d-bags to humilate and degrade you in often slightly sadistic and homoerotic ways when you can be out drinking and partying with people who don't suck and getting laid? Unless of course you're into that sort of thing (thank you sir may I have another)


External validation for those who desperately need it.
 
2013-04-18 05:49:02 PM  
This is what "sisterhood" supposedly is.

I'm so glad I didn't join one of these train wrecks. I think I would've scalped her.
 
2013-04-18 05:49:27 PM  

Pincy: Expected to see pics of sorority girls sucking.  Leaving disappointed.


Googled for pics of sorority girls sucking. Now on final written warning. Should maybe have waited till I was home.
 
2013-04-18 05:49:31 PM  

InmanRoshi: FuryOfFirestorm: I don't get why people bother joining a frat

I once had a guy on my lab team in my senior year of college who seemingly had a debilitating learning disability, if not outright borderline retarded.   I literally don't know how he managed to tie his shoes in themorning, much less how he get accepted into a University.   He was also 6'5" and president of his fraternity.         When it came time for on-campus recruiting the rest of my lab mates and I were swapping stories and humble- bragging about who we had interviews lined up with and how long the interviews were and how much they were offering entry level salary, etc.   Finally we got around to the fraternity guy, and he said he wasn't bothering with interviewing because he had already accepted a job offer.  Oh, and he was  making about 50% more than the rest of us.    He got the job through a former ex-President of his fraternity.        In a world of who you know, not what you know ... he was at least 5 years head of us on the career ladder.


Do you have a follow up to that? Maybe related to his "how does he tie his shoes?" lack of intelligence? Because everyone I knew who got hooked up with good jobs failed out of them when they weren't capable of anything beyond entry level work.
 
2013-04-18 05:50:43 PM  

MeanJean: This is what "sisterhood" supposedly is.

I'm so glad I didn't join one of these train wrecks. I think I would've scalped her.


Kristen Saban?
 
2013-04-18 05:51:50 PM  
With a take charge attitude like that I bet she's a demon in the sack.
 
2013-04-18 05:52:35 PM  

ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: Do you have a follow up to that? Maybe related to his "how does he tie his shoes?" lack of intelligence? Because everyone I knew who got hooked up with good jobs failed out of them when they weren't capable of anything beyond entry level work.


I'm guessing he probably  flamed out as your described, but then ended up somewhere in sales making 3 times my salary working two days a week (most of that from home).
 
2013-04-18 05:52:44 PM  
Supposedly this is the biatch that sent the email

wac.9ebf.edgecastcdn.net

Who ever wrote it will probably find future employment opportunities in porn.
 
2013-04-18 05:54:20 PM  

durbnpoisn: E - Brake --  Is that the actual email.  The site is blocked from work so I could read it.


Awwww. You're not too bright but it is really good for you that you try!

/pat
 
2013-04-18 05:54:27 PM  
Hope she doesn't get put on double-secret probation.
 
2013-04-18 05:54:43 PM  

InmanRoshi: ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: Do you have a follow up to that? Maybe related to his "how does he tie his shoes?" lack of intelligence? Because everyone I knew who got hooked up with good jobs failed out of them when they weren't capable of anything beyond entry level work.

I'm guessing he probably  flamed out as your described, but then ended up somewhere in sales making 3 times my salary working two days a week (most of that from home).


I might resemble that remark (in sales)... but I work from work most of the time. I like to appear busy and present. KWIM?
 
2013-04-18 05:57:34 PM  
So does this mean they should swallow or spit?
 
2013-04-18 05:58:13 PM  
FTA: If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't farking show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter.

So the message here is (a) drink up so you're comfortable; and (2) get to farking. This woman is the sort who, when one of her sorority sisters is raped by a high-status frat boy, will tell her to keep quiet about it, you  probably wanted it more than you're admitting, it's OK, he's hot, do NOT go to the cops because it will totally ruin our relationship with Alpha Beta. Date rape? No, that's the loss-leader you give away to get some repeat business. We must increase our market share in with the high-status fraternities.

I suspect she's the hot one in her house and she's pissed because she was turned down at the higher-status sorority house. Now she's hell bent on improving her house which is made up of pleasant-looking but a little awkward, probably all communications majors who'll get married right away to be stay-at-home suburban moms and have nice little family lives and GODDAMMIT YOU STUPID COONTS!! YOU'RE GETTING IN THE WAY OF MY SOCIAL CLIMBING!!!
 
2013-04-18 05:59:53 PM  

WeenerGord: Supposedly this is the biatch that sent the email

[wac.9ebf.edgecastcdn.net image 414x823]

Who ever wrote it will probably find future employment opportunities in porn.


We established that long ago. Keep up or this girl might punt your coont.
 
2013-04-18 06:03:43 PM  

AngryJailhouseFistfark: FTA: If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't farking show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter.

So the message here is (a) drink up so you're comfortable; and (2) get to farking. This woman is the sort who, when one of her sorority sisters is raped by a high-status frat boy, will tell her to keep quiet about it, you  probably wanted it more than you're admitting, it's OK, he's hot, do NOT go to the cops because it will totally ruin our relationship with Alpha Beta. Date rape? No, that's the loss-leader you give away to get some repeat business. We must increase our market share in with the high-status fraternities.

I suspect she's the hot one in her house and she's pissed because she was turned down at the higher-status sorority house. Now she's hell bent on improving her house which is made up of pleasant-looking but a little awkward, probably all communications majors who'll get married right away to be stay-at-home suburban moms and have nice little family lives and GODDAMMIT YOU STUPID COONTS!! YOU'RE GETTING IN THE WAY OF MY SOCIAL CLIMBING!!!


I want to mark you as a Favorite, but I am not sure marking you, "Date Rape as Loss Leader" will necessarily be funny when I forget what it means in a few months....
 
2013-04-18 06:07:04 PM  

Nabb1: What a demure, reserved young lass.


I wonder which WoW guild she goes raiding with on weekends? Seriously, I pity the sorority that's stuck with her.
 
2013-04-18 06:11:49 PM  

AngryJailhouseFistfark:
Date rape? No, that's the loss-leader you give away to get some repeat business. We must increase our market share in with the high-status fraternities.


This Greek stuff really is good simulation for the real corporate world.
 
2013-04-18 06:12:16 PM  
Somebody grabbed a copy of her twitter feed before she deleted it
 
2013-04-18 06:14:40 PM  
Oh man. It looks like somebody's booze / pills / eating disorder / female group pressure just kicked in.

This pic is my favorite...

sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net

L - almost has herself starved down to the point of being considered farkable by frat guys. M - Butterface but makes up for it by being the uiberslut. R - has successfully starved / drank / drugged / self loathed herself to the point of being batshiat crazy.

You other girls need to get with the program! How is the sorority going to maintain membership if they can't demonstrate a proven track record of connecting their members with guys who will make a guaranteed level of income after graduation?
 
2013-04-18 06:17:58 PM  

WeenerGord: Somebody grabbed a copy of her twitter feed before she deleted it


Wow, she's a prize. Her future is going to be really bright when she grows her own 6 chins and flabby thighs after popping out a Sigma Nu's 3 kids!
 
2013-04-18 06:21:32 PM  
WeenerGord

Somebody grabbed a copy of her twitter-feed before she deleted it.

Hmm...casual racism, and saying catty things about other people's appearances. About what I expected.

What an awful person.
 
2013-04-18 06:22:58 PM  
Being white and overprivileged means you can't get a bra that doesn't hang out of your dress?
 wac.9ebf.edgecastcdn.net
 
2013-04-18 06:23:03 PM  

InmanRoshi: FuryOfFirestorm: I don't get why people bother joining a frat

I once had a guy on my lab team in my senior year of college who seemingly had a debilitating learning disability, if not outright borderline retarded.   I literally don't know how he managed to tie his shoes in themorning, much less how he get accepted into a University.   He was also 6'5" and president of his fraternity.         When it came time for on-campus recruiting the rest of my lab mates and I were swapping stories and humble- bragging about who we had interviews lined up with and how long the interviews were and how much they were offering entry level salary, etc.   Finally we got around to the fraternity guy, and he said he wasn't bothering with interviewing because he had already accepted a job offer.  Oh, and he was  making about 50% more than the rest of us.    He got the job through a former ex-President of his fraternity.        In a world of who you know, not what you know ... he was at least 5 years head of us on the career ladder.


That does explain a lot. I already knew, but it's always nice to have more examples for the files.
 
2013-04-18 06:24:18 PM  

The Muthaship: Rapmaster2000: ZTA Purdue:  Everybody Gets Laid.

At Purdue?  Didn't you have a choice?

Ugliest women I have ever seen and I'm a roller derby ref.....


Yep
Still haven't put artificial turf in Ross-Ade.... so the cheerleaders have a place to graze
 
2013-04-18 06:27:58 PM  

WeenerGord: Somebody grabbed a copy of her twitter feed before she deleted it


If that's real this girl is a national treasure.
 
2013-04-18 06:30:57 PM  
FuryOfFirestorm:
I don't get why people bother joining a frat.

Were you not reading?
By joining a frat/sor you get "friends" and also meet people of the opposite sex (boyfriend/girlfriend/casual "hookup"/whatever you're into).
I don't get it either, but some people think this makes sense.
 
2013-04-18 06:31:09 PM  

InmanRoshi: WeenerGord: Somebody grabbed a copy of her twitter feed before she deleted it

If that's real this girl is a national treasure.


http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/the-most-insane-e-mail-from-a-sororit y- girl-you-will-ever-re (Sorry, I know its Buzzfeed, but they identified her but blurred her stuff out...)
 
2013-04-18 06:31:39 PM  

MeanJean: WeenerGord

Somebody grabbed a copy of her twitter-feed before she deleted it.

Hmm...casual racism, and saying catty things about other people's appearances. About what I expected.

What an awful person.


I can tell it's fake upon cursory glance.
Come on.
Obviously fake.
 
2013-04-18 06:34:44 PM  
Begoggle

I can tell it's fake upon cursory glance.
Come on.
Obviously fake.


Is that you, Becca?

Seriously, why is it so hard to believe that someone who'd write an e-mail like that would have that shiat on her Twitter?
 
2013-04-18 06:35:14 PM  

Begoggle: MeanJean: WeenerGord

Somebody grabbed a copy of her twitter-feed before she deleted it.

Hmm...casual racism, and saying catty things about other people's appearances. About what I expected.

What an awful person.

I can tell it's fake upon cursory glance.
Come on.
Obviously fake.


The sooner you accept that this is how vapid and awful she is, the sooner you can get around to ROFLing at her...
 
2013-04-18 06:37:52 PM  
To quote Jersey Shore, her Twitterings seem to indicate that she's DTF. So, Farkers, there is that. She might be willing to go for two if you can get Beyoncé involved, but do not bring a chick with a pink Mohawk.
 
2013-04-18 06:40:35 PM  

ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: InmanRoshi: WeenerGord: Somebody grabbed a copy of her twitter feed before she deleted it

If that's real this girl is a national treasure.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/the-most-insane-e-mail-from-a-sororit y- girl-you-will-ever-re (Sorry, I know its Buzzfeed, but they identified her but blurred her stuff out...)


 I'm guessing she was raised by a stay at home mom with a 5 bar of Xanax and 2 bottles of wine per day, and a dad who's a stockbroker and doesn't live with the family anymore after he ran off with his secretary half his age in his leased Porsche.
 
2013-04-18 06:43:08 PM  
lol, UMD's Delta Gamma website has been hacked: clicky
 
2013-04-18 06:43:23 PM  
Coont punt or dick kick?
 
2013-04-18 06:45:42 PM  

InmanRoshi: ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: InmanRoshi: WeenerGord: Somebody grabbed a copy of her twitter feed before she deleted it

If that's real this girl is a national treasure.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/the-most-insane-e-mail-from-a-sororit y- girl-you-will-ever-re (Sorry, I know its Buzzfeed, but they identified her but blurred her stuff out...)

 I'm guessing she was raised by a stay at home mom with a 5 bar of Xanax and 2 bottles of wine per day, and a dad who's a stockbroker and doesn't live with the family anymore after he ran off with his secretary half his age in his leased Porsche.


I am going to go with her parents are still together but hate one another. I think her mom does her best to look extremely well put together (or alternatively, she's a hag, hence the daughter's hatred for fat people) and her dad boinks a range of not-her-mom broads, so out of guilt, he pretends to like her mom at holidays and gives the brat an Amex. The girl doesn't use the card on bras or shoes, as I believe has been established, so I am going to guess she buys her sisters' clothes on the Amex and then has them pay her in cash, which she uses on her drug of choice (diet pills!) Rather than sorting out her own issues over her parents' failed marriage, she gets her fill of frat boys who use her like her dad uses his secretaries, her mother's "friends" and now, as she's a Junior in college, her own peers, for his own purposes... Soon, when she's off their dime, they'll get divorced and he'll marry someone only a tiny bit older than her and start his second family!
 
2013-04-18 06:46:44 PM  

Lollipop165: lol, UMD's Delta Gamma website has been hacked: clicky


That. Is. Awesome.

It was missing YOLO.
 
2013-04-18 06:48:21 PM  

InmanRoshi: ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: InmanRoshi: WeenerGord: Somebody grabbed a copy of her twitter feed before she deleted it

If that's real this girl is a national treasure.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/the-most-insane-e-mail-from-a-sororit y- girl-you-will-ever-re (Sorry, I know its Buzzfeed, but they identified her but blurred her stuff out...)

 I'm guessing she was raised by a stay at home mom with a 5 bar of Xanax and 2 bottles of wine per day, and a dad who's a stockbroker and doesn't live with the family anymore after he ran off with his secretary half his age in his leased Porsche.


Also known as her future.
 
2013-04-18 06:53:08 PM  

AngryJailhouseFistfark: I suspect she's the hot one in her house and she's pissed because she was turned down at the higher-status sorority house. Now she's hell bent on improving her house which is made up of pleasant-looking but a little awkward, probably all communications majors who'll get married right away to be stay-at-home suburban moms and have nice little family lives and GODDAMMIT YOU STUPID COONTS!! YOU'RE GETTING IN THE WAY OF MY SOCIAL CLIMBING!!!


Sounds like the plot to The House Bunny, if the main character was a huge b*tch.
 
2013-04-18 07:02:58 PM  

Yanks_RSJ: tricycleracer: Dat ass:

[sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net image 716x960]

So she's the queen bee of the plain Jane sorority?





With a sixhead
 
2013-04-18 07:11:41 PM  

WeenerGord: Somebody grabbed a copy of her twitter feed before she deleted it




Wow. Unfortunately that is how most of these vapid young-uns think these days...
 
2013-04-18 07:12:09 PM  
Frats: Because sometimes the only way to get friends is to pay them.

Greek system is chock full of idiots like this. I'm not saying I wouldn't tounge punch her fart box, but I certainly wouldn't talk to her unless I had to.

Thanks for making Terps look bad, hopefully YOUR coontpoont is in the mail.
 
2013-04-18 07:26:11 PM  

skinink: Coont punt or dick kick?


coont punt by a mail.  dick kick is just mean.

ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: Lollipop165: lol, UMD's Delta Gamma website has been hacked: clicky

That. Is. Awesome.

It was missing YOLO.


it was indeed awesauce.  "i regret nothing!"
 
2013-04-18 07:28:34 PM  

A Fark Handle: skinink: Coont punt or dick kick?

coont punt by a mail. dick kick is just mean.


mile.  i meant mile.  i'm farking tarded today...
 
2013-04-18 07:28:41 PM  
img.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-18 07:34:50 PM  

The Third Man: spentmiles: Makes me miss Greek life.  Mark and Bryce and I were all pretty good looking in college.  I was probably the best looking.....

Nah, your "lawyer slipping his business card under tourniquets" troll the other day was better.  This isn't very hooky, you can't dance to it, I'm giving it a 4.


Oh I need to see that
 
2013-04-18 07:36:29 PM  

AngryJailhouseFistfark: FTA: If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't farking show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter.

So the message here is (a) drink up so you're comfortable; and (2) get to farking. This woman is the sort who, when one of her sorority sisters is raped by a high-status frat boy, will tell her to keep quiet about it, you  probably wanted it more than you're admitting, it's OK, he's hot, do NOT go to the cops because it will totally ruin our relationship with Alpha Beta. Date rape? No, that's the loss-leader you give away to get some repeat business. We must increase our market share in with the high-status fraternities.

I suspect she's the hot one in her house and she's pissed because she was turned down at the higher-status sorority house. Now she's hell bent on improving her house which is made up of pleasant-looking but a little awkward, probably all communications majors who'll get married right away to be stay-at-home suburban moms and have nice little family lives and GODDAMMIT YOU STUPID COONTS!! YOU'RE GETTING IN THE WAY OF MY SOCIAL CLIMBING!!!


Exactly this. It's the funniest thing I've seen since Broadwell/Petraeus. She is going to turn out just like that woman. Nuttier than squirrel turds.
 
2013-04-18 07:38:29 PM  
I wonder if she's ticklish?
 
2013-04-18 07:49:29 PM  
 
2013-04-18 07:49:51 PM  
Wow, such stellar use of English language -- I bet her family is so proud of their little college sorority slut who cares more about acting like an asshole than actually learning for a future career that may guarantee financial independence.
 
2013-04-18 07:52:29 PM  

tricycleracer: FishyFred: And BarStoolSports has even more.

Jesus Christ.

Not bad, but I'd hate for her to blow up my Facebook wall if I didn't plow her to her exacting specifications.

[wac.9ebf.edgecastcdn.net image 414x823]


Wow, is that homeschool wife? Looks just like the horseface. But with plastic tits and a fake tan.
 
2013-04-18 07:53:47 PM  

unfarkingbelievable: Wow, such stellar use of English language -- I bet her family is so proud of their little college sorority slut who cares more about acting like an asshole than actually learning for a future career that may guarantee financial independence.


Maybe her dad recognizes that she is unemployable (like her mom) and his only hope is to pass her off on a husband?
 
2013-04-18 07:53:52 PM  

Lollipop165: Lexx: I LOL'd.  She's an idiot for sending the email out.  Fortunately, although her choice of language isn't great, the content isn't anything objectionable.  The Greek system is ALL about social networking, and her sisters were doing a shiat job of it, fumbling an opportunity someone (probably her) worked hard to arrange.

Yeah this is why I love this letter.  This complaint has happened in every sorority that has ever existed. But those complaints were never, ever this epic.


Fark off. Sororities and fraternities are for narcissists who would rather be popular than work hard at life.
 
2013-04-18 08:14:23 PM  
I'll pay money to watch the c*nt punting.
 
2013-04-18 08:32:12 PM  

Shostie: Shostie: I love the response from the chapter president.

It's like we get to see the moment just before she realizes she's in way over her head.

Sorry. The response is over here:

http://gawker.com/5994974/the-most-deranged-sorority-girl-email-you- wi ll-ever-read


My name is Rachel Norris and I am the current president of Delta Gamma at the University of Maryland. It has been brought to my attention that you recently published an unsavory email that was sent out over my chapter's list-serve. Is it possible for you to either remove the article or just remove the names "Delta Gamma" and "Sigma Nu" from your article? This email absolutely does not reflect our chapter's values nor Sigma Nu's and any assistance you can give us is greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Rachel Norris


Gawker has removed Rachel's name, I see, but changed nothing else.  And apparently Rachel (who should be young enough to know this) doesn't realize that once it's on the net, IT'S farkING THERE! (Sure, she didn't make the tirade, but it's fitting).
 
2013-04-18 08:33:36 PM  

ha-ha-guy: Shostie: Shostie: I love the response from the chapter president.

It's like we get to see the moment just before she realizes she's in way over her head.

Sorry. The response is over here:

http://gawker.com/5994974/the-most-deranged-sorority-girl-email-you- wi ll-ever-read


My name is Rachel Norris and I am the current president of Delta Gamma at the University of Maryland. It has been brought to my attention that you recently published an unsavory email that was sent out over my chapter's list-serve. Is it possible for you to either remove the article or just remove the names "Delta Gamma" and "Sigma Nu" from your article? This email absolutely does not reflect our chapter's values nor Sigma Nu's and any assistance you can give us is greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Rachel Norris

At least she was polite with the request, no "I'm gonna sue you" or some lame attempt to deny it.  Although sticking her name there for Google to index for all of eternity wasn't the greatest idea.  Time to floor the gas on the getting married part and losing your maiden name.


Except that she didn't write the original email; one of her sorority sisters who is on their chapter's executive board and is apparently named Julia sent it.

Apparently she doesn't know how a listserv works.  Oopsie.
 
2013-04-18 08:40:57 PM  

cretinbob: [cdn2.screenjunkies.com image 720x576]


Thanks!
 
2013-04-18 08:42:24 PM  
I'm a little confused by this line from the follow up email: It has been brought to my attention that you recently published an unsavory email that was sent out over my chapter's list-serve.

She doesn't admit to writing it, so you can't tell if she's covering her ass or covering her ass...
 
2013-04-18 08:55:23 PM  
Someones off there meds.
 
2013-04-18 10:03:19 PM  
i.imgur.com
This is my favorite one. By far.
 
2013-04-18 10:19:11 PM  

MidnightVoyager: This is my favorite one. By far.


"It's gotten to the point where I am so socially isolated and stuck up that I can't talk to people who aren't a carbon copy of me!"
 
2013-04-18 10:33:13 PM  

meow said the dog: E-Brake: If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever wooden-slatted chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough farking ride...TL/DR

You have given to me the happiness of all years.  That was the beautiful thing of the beauty.  Can I tell you further how much awesomeness was provided by you.

The rest of you are probably bigger persons who do not see the issues from two sides so for this reason fark you.


I'm not sure about the bigger people, but you are now farkied in green.

/so fark you
 
2013-04-18 10:41:32 PM  
I think you have the wrong person here.

I mean, the one who wrote the follow-up is not the same person. This chick's name seems to be Rebecca, and the follow-up was written by a Rachel.

Either way, from all the vile tweets she sent (racism, bigotry, elitism, selfishness, etc.) I can tell she's exactly the kind of person I'd hate to meet. What a horrible little cretin. She's not particularly bright. She's not particularly attractive. She's just mean, self-centered, and snotty.

Guys who find this attractive: Enjoy your first marriage. It won't be your last.
 
2013-04-18 10:44:24 PM  

what_now: I can't see actually SENDING it to a list serve. That's...that's stupid. And this girl is probably 17-22, so she should know how the internet works. This isn't like some 70 year old senator being confused about the tubes.


Wow, this statement actually makes sense: "She should know better, she's 20! It's like like she's 70."

We are living in strange times.
 
2013-04-18 10:51:34 PM  
I'll never understand the American obsession with proms, frats, and college in general. I suspect it's something to do with the absurd 21 drinking age. Frats, at least at our university, were for the dorks and douche-bags, and the overwhelming majority of students were not frat members. Our highschool graduations are a year end party where half the class can legally buy liquor for the other half, and despite our constitutional monarchy, we don't have kings and queens of the student body and I don't understand what home coming is either.

/small snark
 
2013-04-18 10:55:54 PM  
Somebody will take that letter and turn it into a movie. I'm not kidding. Right now, some Hollywood producer is wondering if he can option the movie rights to that letter for about five grand, so they can give some up-and-coming screenwriter two weeks to do a treatment. He's already penciling in Chloe Moretz to star as the author of the letter.
 
2013-04-18 10:57:35 PM  
The Delta Gamma website was hacked

/Enjoy before it comes down
//check out the links
 
2013-04-18 11:20:32 PM  

kona: Someone has the "needs some new shoes blues"
[sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net image 555x743][wac.9ebf.edgecastcdn.net image 184x960]


Either I'm becoming gay, or those are really bad shoes. Because I'm a 37 yo male, and I said "those are some ugly shoes" after seeing that pic.

Which brings the numbers of pictures where I noticed a person's shoes* to 1.

* (subtracting clown shoes)
 
2013-04-18 11:22:41 PM  

ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: Being white and overprivileged means you can't get a bra that doesn't hang out of your dress?
 [wac.9ebf.edgecastcdn.net image 354x960]


She likes that pose
 
2013-04-18 11:24:00 PM  

WeenerGord: The Delta Gamma website was hacked

/Enjoy before it comes down
//check out the links


Never mind, I see it has already been covered!
 
2013-04-18 11:29:32 PM  

Lollipop165: lol, UMD's Delta Gamma website has been hacked: clicky


That is art!

A rotating disco chicken gif captioned "I regret nothing" header, over the email, with Icona Pop's "I Love It" blaring in the background... GENIUS
 
2013-04-18 11:33:35 PM  

impaler: Lollipop165: lol, UMD's Delta Gamma website has been hacked: clicky

That is art!

A rotating disco chicken gif captioned "I regret nothing" header, over the email, with Icona Pop's "I Love It" blaring in the background... GENIUS


Rotating Disco Chicken is the name of my Village People cover band.
 
2013-04-18 11:42:07 PM  

impaler: ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: Being white and overprivileged means you can't get a bra that doesn't hang out of your dress?
 [wac.9ebf.edgecastcdn.net image 354x960]

She likes that pose


She had no boobies, and her rear is just okay so she has stick it out. Arms at that angle make You look thinner, while she doesn't need to look any thinner, she doesn't realize that.
 
2013-04-18 11:42:34 PM  
I can't wait for her Tosh.0 redemption.
 
2013-04-18 11:42:44 PM  

blatz514: [wac.9ebf.edgecastcdn.net image 184x960]

biatch needs a sammich.

/sharp knees, ect.


Sharp knees are better for coont punting.
 
2013-04-18 11:46:44 PM  

impaler: I can't wait for her Tosh.0 redemption.


Nothing redeeming about her.
 
2013-04-18 11:50:51 PM  
I eagerly await her in a Vivid video "Sorority Sluts in Action" or some such. Hopefully with lots of sorostitute spankings.
 
2013-04-18 11:55:52 PM  

impaler: I can't wait for her Tosh.0 redemption.

coont poonting.

FTFY
 
2013-04-19 12:20:15 AM  

WeenerGord: The Delta Gamma website was hacked

/Enjoy before it comes down
//check out the links


That chicken's got groove.  Seriously funny shiat.
 
2013-04-19 12:50:01 AM  

UrinalPooper: This girl is awesome. If I was 20 years younger I'd propose to her.


who says you can't? Some girls need sugar daddies.
 
2013-04-19 01:08:29 AM  

trippycrazy12: UrinalPooper: This girl is awesome. If I was 20 years younger I'd propose to her.

who says you can't? Some girls need sugar daddies.


some?
 
2013-04-19 01:11:07 AM  
Latins founded sororities have hotter girls.
 
2013-04-19 01:17:48 AM  

dj_bigbird: I eagerly await her in a Vivid video "Sorority Sluts in Action" or some such. Hopefully with lots of sorostitute spankings.


Are you kidding? This is the kind of girl who will get out of school and have a cushy career all picked out for her thanks to her daddy's connections, or she'll have a guy lined up to take care of her monetary needs. She's definitely not going to end up having to DO anything for her living.

I'm willing to bet this girl has never had to work for anything in her life. She thinks she has, but she hasn't.
 
2013-04-19 01:27:33 AM  

ZeroCorpse: dj_bigbird: I eagerly await her in a Vivid video "Sorority Sluts in Action" or some such. Hopefully with lots of sorostitute spankings.

Are you kidding? This is the kind of girl who will get out of school and have a cushy career all picked out for her thanks to her daddy's connections, or she'll have a guy lined up to take care of her monetary needs. She's definitely not going to end up having to DO anything for her living.

I'm willing to bet this girl has never had to work for anything in her life. She thinks she has, but she hasn't.


Oh, you don't think setting up the Spring Formal is work?  Do you think those decorations put themselves up?  And who do you think is going to stop the cat fight when Tiffany and Amber show up wearing the same dress because like Tiffany is already totes pissed at Amber for talking to David even though she KNOWS that Tiffany likes him you know?
 
2013-04-19 01:32:51 AM  

ZeroCorpse: I'm willing to bet this girl has never had to work for anything in her life. She thinks she has, but she hasn't.



Sex work is still work, in fact, it is one of the oldest professions
 
2013-04-19 01:38:08 AM  

WeenerGord: ZeroCorpse: I'm willing to bet this girl has never had to work for anything in her life. She thinks she has, but she hasn't.


Sex work is still work, in fact, it is one of the oldest professions


I am just glad we all know and understand what this girl is going to do with her life.
 
2013-04-19 05:13:04 AM  

Demetrius: I'll pay money to watch the c*nt punting.


A punt pole is about 2.5" in diameter and about 16 feet long. Even for a sorority girl that has to be a challenge.
 
2013-04-19 09:22:15 AM  

orange whip: Sororities and Frats are groups for insecure people to band together and not feel insecure because they are members of a club

/never in one
//played in a band that played at a LOT of greek functions
///they have huge budgets for social activities
////yes we did grossly overcharge them and steal their women


Insecure and shallow, you mean. I'm plenty insecure, but I had to much self-respect to want to pledge to a frat.
 
2013-04-19 10:05:42 AM  
The girl might have it in the letting-people-have-it department, but anyone who takes "greek life" that seriously shouldn't be able to be free in public.

She probably should have joined the Marines instead.
 
2013-04-19 11:24:02 AM  

MidnightVoyager: [i.imgur.com image 619x92]
This is my favorite one. By far.


Mine too.  I went to Maryland, wasn't involved whatsoever with the greek system, and I can assure this C-word that we were somehow able to maintain an active social life without having it coordinated for us.
 
2013-04-19 11:51:56 AM  
Wow....I thought the last of the true vulgarians were dead...
 
2013-04-19 12:41:22 PM  

megarian: This is poetry.

But I'm having a hard time here...does anyone have pics of what sorority girls might look like? For science.


I had you favorited for a different reason, but this is a great reason to have you on my favorites too!  I'd help if I could, but the whole being at work thing kinda prevents me from posting any fun images.
 
2013-04-19 01:58:51 PM  
Anyone get a screenshot of the hacked website? Looks like they've taken it down
 
2013-04-19 02:04:18 PM  
my favorite part is in the middle of the profanity-laced, caps-locked, insane email where the world ends if Sigma Nu doesn't like you she writes:
"Or are you just so farking dense about what it means to make people like you"
that is a dangerous lack of self-awareness on the part of the email writer.
 
2013-04-19 02:54:16 PM  

cwheelie: Anyone get a screenshot of the hacked website? Looks like they've taken it down


Nope but I remember the disco chicken, the clip of Ioona Pop song I dont care, the leadership tab went to wiki of Kim Jong Un or some other Kim, the coont Punt tab went to a video of a coont punt, the alumnas tab to a wiki of a female head of the NAACP...anybody remember any others?
 
2013-04-19 03:58:15 PM  

E-Brake: If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever wooden-slatted chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough farking ride.

    For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this community, we have been farkING UP in terms of circle jerks and general social interactions with meat world people. I've been getting texts on texts about farkers LITERALLY being so farking AWKWARD and so farking BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee, I've been having so much fun with my cats this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to farking find you on site to do it myself.

    I do not give a flying fark, and meat world people do not give a flying fark, about how much you farking love to talk to your cats. You have 361 days out of the farking year to talk to cats, and this week is NOT, I farking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the meat world, and that's not farking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to cats and not other people. Newsflash barjockey you cock: PEOPLE DON'T LIKE INTERNET WEIRDOS. Oh wait, DOUBLE farkING NEWSFLASH: REAL WORLD PEOPLE ARE NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE farkING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE farkING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shiats that have talked openly about posting on FurNation IN FRONT OF MEAT WORLD PEOPLE. Are you people farking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore events. If meat world people openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Mustard Man over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE fark WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be posting on other sites, I don't give a fark i ...


Personally, I'd rather you described your 300 sniper kills in Afghanistan.
 
2013-04-19 07:06:25 PM  
 
Displayed 329 of 329 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report