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(The Onion)   This is a tragedy. Does it really matter just how many are dead or what any of the details are? --NY Post editor   (theonion.com) divider line 37
    More: Satire, body counts, Boston Marathon  
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11966 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Apr 2013 at 12:10 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-04-17 12:22:16 AM
6 votes:
I would estimate that around 2/3 of the time, the Onion completely fails to be funny due to the high quality of their satire. The other 1/3, they accidentally predict the future.
2013-04-17 12:08:52 AM
4 votes:
This is barely satire.
2013-04-17 01:15:33 AM
3 votes:

ransack.: Lenny_da_Hog: I was recounting to some whippersnappers last night about how Walter Cronkite and CBS would have handled this story if it had happened in 1970 or so:

"Today in Boston, two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring dozens. [film rolls from helicopter flyover] A third bomb was found and safely detonated by explosives experts. There are currently no suspects and no group has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Authorities from several local, state, and federal agencies are investigating.

"In Phnom Penh today....."

Were there a lot of bombs in Boston back then? I wasn't around until the mid-80s.



The point is Cronkite et. al. didn't dally with the story and just stuck with the facts. Once they reported it, they moved on. The problem with the 24 hour news cycle is that it is on for 24 hours, so these moronic stations fill the air with repetitive drivel, editorial commentary, and meaningless information.

"We have live on the scene our beat reporter Jack WhiteSmile. Jack, can you tell us anything about the mood down at street level of the crime? How are the residents handling this, and is there any mention of an ultimatum or ownership claim from the terrorist group that did this?"

"Yes, Wolfie, I am here just feet away from where this terrible explosion occurred. Several witnesses reported hearing a loud noise, like a thundercrack, and then billowing smoke poured out of the side of the building. The police have told people to stay inside their homes, and people feel scared and confused and blah blah shiat we already know and can infer but let's keep talking about it for the next hour. Let me interview some stupendous dumbasses who should never be near a microphone let alone on TV..."
2013-04-17 12:57:01 AM
3 votes:
Get the widow on the set. We need dirty laundry.
2013-04-17 12:49:12 AM
3 votes:
Clearly, what we need is more reporting about the quality of the reporting of how the media reported events in the wake of the initial reporting.
2013-04-17 12:40:22 AM
3 votes:
I was recounting to some whippersnappers last night about how Walter Cronkite and CBS would have handled this story if it had happened in 1970 or so:

"Today in Boston, two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring dozens. [film rolls from helicopter flyover] A third bomb was found and safely detonated by explosives experts. There are currently no suspects and no group has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Authorities from several local, state, and federal agencies are investigating.

"In Phnom Penh today....."
2013-04-17 12:12:43 AM
3 votes:

RexTalionis: This is barely satire.


Then it's good satire.
2013-04-17 01:46:38 AM
2 votes:

Lenny_da_Hog: evaned: Lenny_da_Hog: I was recounting to some whippersnappers last night about how Walter Cronkite and CBS would have handled this story if it had happened in 1970 or so:

"Today in Boston, two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring dozens. [film rolls from helicopter flyover] A third bomb was found and safely detonated by explosives experts. There are currently no suspects and no group has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Authorities from several local, state, and federal agencies are investigating.

"In Phnom Penh today....."

Eh, I'm not so sure. I definitely don't want to argue that they'd be as bad as now, but you're underplaying it a bit I think. You can look on YouTube and find the CBS broadcast from the afternoon Kennedy was shot; Cronkite was breaking into the broadcast often with information which had just arrived.

Not comparable events, though. The assassination of the president was an event that affected everyone, first of all -- a bombing in Boston does not affect people world-wide. Second of all, they only ran with facts once confirmed. They were showing fallout, Johnson taking command, the reactions of world leaders, etc., etc. They actually had information to dish out -- they weren't filling time with speculation and panic over what it *might* mean.


And for sure there weren't fifteen reporters running up to random passersby: "How did you feel? What did you do?" and eliciting fifteen identical responses: "I was scared. I shiat myself." "Wow, really? And what was it like?" "It was really scary."
2013-04-17 01:19:10 AM
2 votes:

luxup: The Onion should do an in-depth investigation into the last time it was actually funny.

Never understood how it's lasted.


Satire isn't necessarily funny. Especially when it predicts the future with a disturbing degree of accuracy.
2013-04-17 01:07:56 AM
2 votes:

BuckTurgidson: No, but as an eight-year-old I learned "body count" and "napalm" and "grenade" and "Khmer Rouge" and watched the horrid chaotic evacuation of Da Nang right on the teevee.

Perhaps not all that different from today's news.


Yeah, it was. They showed us so we'd understand the magnitude of major events, didn't allow it to become snuff drama, and they'd only tell us what they knew for sure. 

/When I was about 4, I remember hearing Cronkite telling us every night how many troops we'd lost. I assumed a troop was like a jeep -- some piece of equipment the army used. I finally asked what a troop was. That day changed my understanding of humanity a lot.
2013-04-17 12:53:44 AM
2 votes:

Mattyb710: No. News outlets back then just didn't insist on treating the news, and especially tragedies, as entertainment.


That's because back then there were no 24 hour news networks with a lot of empty airtime to fill. They had 1/2 hour to tell the stories of the day and they didn't analyze it. If you wanted analysis you either waited for Sunday morning (or evening if 60 Minutes was doing something on it) or you read the newspaper the next day.
2013-04-17 12:48:37 AM
2 votes:

ransack.: Lenny_da_Hog: I was recounting to some whippersnappers last night about how Walter Cronkite and CBS would have handled this story if it had happened in 1970 or so:

"Today in Boston, two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring dozens. [film rolls from helicopter flyover] A third bomb was found and safely detonated by explosives experts. There are currently no suspects and no group has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Authorities from several local, state, and federal agencies are investigating.

"In Phnom Penh today....."

Were there a lot of bombs in Boston back then? I wasn't around until the mid-80s.


No. News outlets back then just didn't insist on treating the news, and especially tragedies, as entertainment.
2013-04-17 12:32:45 AM
2 votes:

luxup: The Onion should do an in-depth investigation into the last time it was actually funny.

Never understood how it's lasted.


Stick with Cracked, then. Seems to be more your speed.
2013-04-17 12:15:32 AM
2 votes:

Tigger: RexTalionis: This is barely satire.

Then it's good satire.


Indeed.  One of their finest pieces lately, I'd say.
2013-04-17 12:14:01 AM
2 votes:
I hate The Onion. If I want to read fake news, I'll read the NY Post or Fox News.
2013-04-17 12:13:51 AM
2 votes:
What's the rule where you try too hard and end up being a troll??!

Can't think of it right now.
2013-04-17 12:13:41 AM
2 votes:
I understand the snark, & context, of the Onion piece.  The Post stuck with the story about the Saudi student being a suspect, and that there were 12 dead, until the bitter end.  The burned Saudi student in the hospital was later termed a "witness" rather than a "suspect."  The death toll remains at 3.
2013-04-17 03:50:43 AM
1 votes:
That was the best Onion article I've ever read
2013-04-17 03:31:09 AM
1 votes:
Radioactive Ass:
I was at home and doing other things as well. I usually have live TV\streaming movies\tv shows\whatever or radio or some MP3's playing as background noise anyway. This particular event caught my attention (more than others) for some reason. Not my normal MO.

To be fair, hearing about boston blowing up during a marathon isn't typically in anyones MO.

This planet is getting really weird. I think I am just going to keep drinking until everything feels normal again.
2013-04-17 02:24:05 AM
1 votes:

starsrift: I'm not being callous - a couple bombs exploded and some people were injured and even killed. But that's not a reason to glue yourself to the television for the next two hours engorging on disasterporn, even if you have family in the area (they won't release names until they contact next of kin anyway). There are a thousand ways you could be more productive, or if required, therapeutic, than gawking at the train wreck.


I was at home and doing other things as well. I usually have live TV\streaming movies\tv shows\whatever or radio or some MP3's playing as background noise anyway. This particular event caught my attention (more than others) for some reason. Not my normal MO.
2013-04-17 02:08:27 AM
1 votes:

TwowheelinTim: BuckTurgidson: TwowheelinTim: What I'm getting from this thread is that y'all are a bunch of television addicts.

You all can't seem to turn the f**king thing off, yet you all b**ch about the sh***y content.

KILL YOUR TVs MORANS!!!

Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own A Television

I'm sorry, where did I mention I don't own a television?

Just keep up your sniveling about the crap you're subjected to on your idiot box. You're among friends there Turdbuttf**kson


Lighten up, Francis.
2013-04-17 01:57:21 AM
1 votes:
Radioactive Ass:

I do believe that CNN and Fox both did mention the Saudi guy and the dark skinned man with an accent wearing a hoodie as persons of interest early on but they both dropped it as soon as they had more info.

There was no need to bring him/them up at all. If they had to they could have made do with "There are unconfirmed reports that investigators have received reports about a person who might know something they don't" or however you'd put it. There's no need to even specify the sex of the person, let alone their suspected ethnicity.
2013-04-17 01:52:53 AM
1 votes:
What I'm getting from this thread is that y'all are a bunch of television addicts.

You all can't seem to turn the f**king thing off, yet you all b**ch about the sh***y content.

KILL YOUR TVs MORANS!!!
2013-04-17 01:40:22 AM
1 votes:
Not Parody:

When I woke up this morning, I quickly checked Google News headlines before going out for coffee. Boston was of course still at the top of the page.

It was perfect timing, but -- Every story listed on the top frame was retracting information from a previous version of the story. I now regret not taking a screen-shot.
2013-04-17 01:09:02 AM
1 votes:

Radioactive Ass: katerbug72: I started out watching Fox News yesterday and had to switch to ABC because I couldn't stand all the horrible speculation. The woman was just talking to fill time or something and it was the most annoying thing. My mother in law talks like that. Narrates life, speculates on things she knows nothing about. It was like that, speculation was rampant and actual news facts were nil. Mind you, it was pretty early but it was terrible. I can't stand watching Fox News, the TV just happened to be on Fox when I turned it on so I left it.

I tuned in about an hour or so into it and that's the kind of stuff that made me switch to CNN. But then CNN would start to do the same thing so I'd switch back to Fox. That's the stuff that I was talking about earlier where they are simply filling air time while waiting for more information. You need to know how to filter it out.


Yesterday made me remember why I don't watch the news anymore. I prefer to read it online.
2013-04-17 01:05:38 AM
1 votes:

katerbug72: I started out watching Fox News yesterday and had to switch to ABC because I couldn't stand all the horrible speculation. The woman was just talking to fill time or something and it was the most annoying thing. My mother in law talks like that. Narrates life, speculates on things she knows nothing about. It was like that, speculation was rampant and actual news facts were nil. Mind you, it was pretty early but it was terrible. I can't stand watching Fox News, the TV just happened to be on Fox when I turned it on so I left it.


I tuned in about an hour or so into it and that's the kind of stuff that made me switch to CNN. But then CNN would start to do the same thing so I'd switch back to Fox. That's the stuff that I was talking about earlier where they are simply filling air time while waiting for more information. You need to know how to filter it out.
2013-04-17 01:01:18 AM
1 votes:

wademh: Clearly, what we need is more reporting about the quality of the reporting of how the media reported events in the wake of the initial reporting.


img1.imagesbn.com
2013-04-17 01:00:10 AM
1 votes:
hereandnow.wbur.org
Agrees

/hotlink
2013-04-17 12:59:05 AM
1 votes:

Radioactive Ass: katerbug72: I hate The Onion. If I want to read fake news, I'll read the NY Post or Fox News.

I'll give Fox News this. They weren't anywhere near as bad as CNN in jumping the gun on bad reports yesterday. They suck on opinion most of the time but when it comes down to actual hard news that's breaking they usually seem to get it right the first time. The problem is that on slow news days they mask opinion as news a lot of the time and there are plenty of people out there that can't seem to make the distinction. They usually try and make it very clear in situations like yesterday on which items are unconfirmed reports and what is solid and verified information.


I started out watching Fox News yesterday and had to switch to ABC because I couldn't stand all the horrible speculation. The woman was just talking to fill time or something and it was the most annoying thing. My mother in law talks like that. Narrates life, speculates on things she knows nothing about. It was like that, speculation was rampant and actual news facts were nil. Mind you, it was pretty early but it was terrible. I can't stand watching Fox News, the TV just happened to be on Fox when I turned it on so I left it.
2013-04-17 12:57:18 AM
1 votes:

Radioactive Ass: Mattyb710: No. News outlets back then just didn't insist on treating the news, and especially tragedies, as entertainment.

That's because back then there were no 24 hour news networks with a lot of empty airtime to fill. They had 1/2 hour to tell the stories of the day and they didn't analyze it. If you wanted analysis you either waited for Sunday morning (or evening if 60 Minutes was doing something on it) or you read the newspaper the next day.


Also, there were three major news networks, and two major news wire services. If one became sensationalistic, their standards would be criticized loudly, and it stood out and they'd lose precious ratings. Now, with dozens of TV news sources and hundreds of web-based news sources, the focus is on keeping people engaged by turning everything into a drama, and there's nobody loud enough to criticize anymore.
2013-04-17 12:52:27 AM
1 votes:

I sound fat: while they were the worst, they were hardly the only news organization with fact checking slackedness during the early hours.


There's weak fact-checking during an evolving crisis....and then there's "Quick! Make up some numbers and throw in a few ethnic stereotypes! Great, post it!"
2013-04-17 12:48:36 AM
1 votes:

katerbug72: I hate The Onion. If I want to read fake news, I'll read the NY Post or Fox News.


I'll give Fox News this. They weren't anywhere near as bad as CNN in jumping the gun on bad reports yesterday. They suck on opinion most of the time but when it comes down to actual hard news that's breaking they usually seem to get it right the first time. The problem is that on slow news days they mask opinion as news a lot of the time and there are plenty of people out there that can't seem to make the distinction. They usually try and make it very clear in situations like yesterday on which items are unconfirmed reports and what is solid and verified information.
2013-04-17 12:34:54 AM
1 votes:
The only time I find The Onion funny is from screenshots on Facebook of people WHARRGARBL'ing over its satire.
2013-04-17 12:23:48 AM
1 votes:
The Onion should do an in-depth investigation into the last time it was actually funny.

Never understood how it's lasted.
2013-04-17 12:16:38 AM
1 votes:
How could you even think about accurately reporting a tragedy at a time like this?

Lulz.
2013-04-17 12:13:33 AM
1 votes:
Did the Onion just cross into Poe territory?
2013-04-17 12:12:01 AM
1 votes:

RexTalionis: This is barely satire.



You must be new to the Onion.
 
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