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(The Onion)   This is a tragedy. Does it really matter just how many are dead or what any of the details are? --NY Post editor   (theonion.com) divider line 127
    More: Satire, body counts, Boston Marathon  
•       •       •

11967 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Apr 2013 at 12:10 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



127 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-04-17 12:08:52 AM
This is barely satire.
 
2013-04-17 12:12:01 AM

RexTalionis: This is barely satire.



You must be new to the Onion.
 
2013-04-17 12:12:43 AM

RexTalionis: This is barely satire.


Then it's good satire.
 
2013-04-17 12:13:03 AM
while they were the worst, they were hardly the only news organization with fact checking slackedness during the early hours.
 
2013-04-17 12:13:33 AM
Did the Onion just cross into Poe territory?
 
2013-04-17 12:13:41 AM
I understand the snark, & context, of the Onion piece.  The Post stuck with the story about the Saudi student being a suspect, and that there were 12 dead, until the bitter end.  The burned Saudi student in the hospital was later termed a "witness" rather than a "suspect."  The death toll remains at 3.
 
2013-04-17 12:13:51 AM
What's the rule where you try too hard and end up being a troll??!

Can't think of it right now.
 
2013-04-17 12:14:01 AM
I hate The Onion. If I want to read fake news, I'll read the NY Post or Fox News.
 
2013-04-17 12:14:09 AM
Read The Onion before 90% on here have and I agree.... barely satire
 
2013-04-17 12:14:28 AM

MidnightSnacks: Did the Onion just cross into Poe territory?


Thank you!!!!

/fark does not fail
 
2013-04-17 12:15:32 AM

Tigger: RexTalionis: This is barely satire.

Then it's good satire.


Indeed.  One of their finest pieces lately, I'd say.
 
2013-04-17 12:16:38 AM
How could you even think about accurately reporting a tragedy at a time like this?

Lulz.
 
2013-04-17 12:17:51 AM
Man, the Onion really does nail that knife-edge.
 
2013-04-17 12:18:59 AM
Lol perfection
 
2013-04-17 12:20:27 AM

MidnightSnacks: Did the Onion just cross into Poe territory?


Baltimore?
 
2013-04-17 12:21:29 AM
I agree. This is not the time to debate the legality and regulation of bombs.
 
2013-04-17 12:22:16 AM
I would estimate that around 2/3 of the time, the Onion completely fails to be funny due to the high quality of their satire. The other 1/3, they accidentally predict the future.
 
2013-04-17 12:23:47 AM
All I cared about in the moment was giving our readers a vague, erroneous conception of what was happening on the ground while also beating our competitors to the punch with a more sensationalistic story.

Thanks ObamaCare?
 
2013-04-17 12:23:48 AM
The Onion should do an in-depth investigation into the last time it was actually funny.

Never understood how it's lasted.
 
2013-04-17 12:29:56 AM
Ouch. That had to hurt.
 
2013-04-17 12:32:09 AM
Wait.

You mean that LA Times headline last night, telling me that all of America now has a shattered sense of security, even though we have no idea who made and planted these bombs for what reason, and most of us live thousands of miles away from there, was just sensationalism?
 
2013-04-17 12:32:37 AM

katerbug72: I hate The Onion. If I want to read fake news, I'll read the NY Post or Fox News.


s1.postimg.org
 
2013-04-17 12:32:45 AM

luxup: The Onion should do an in-depth investigation into the last time it was actually funny.

Never understood how it's lasted.


Stick with Cracked, then. Seems to be more your speed.
 
2013-04-17 12:34:54 AM
The only time I find The Onion funny is from screenshots on Facebook of people WHARRGARBL'ing over its satire.
 
2013-04-17 12:36:04 AM

Speaker2Animals: luxup: The Onion should do an in-depth investigation into the last time it was actually funny.

Never understood how it's lasted.

Stick with Cracked, then. Seems to be more your speed.


Ouch.  Cracked isn't that bad.

//I like both.
 
2013-04-17 12:37:48 AM

luxup: The Onion should do an in-depth investigation into the last time it was actually funny.

Never understood how it's lasted.


It has its moments. Its like SNL, funny <90% of the time. Everything else is crap and a fat guy.
 
2013-04-17 12:38:06 AM

kendelrio: What's the rule where you try too hard and end up being a troll??!

Can't think of it right now.


The kendelrio rule?
 
2013-04-17 12:40:02 AM

IntertubeUser: Speaker2Animals: luxup: The Onion should do an in-depth investigation into the last time it was actually funny.

Never understood how it's lasted.

Stick with Cracked, then. Seems to be more your speed.

Ouch.  Cracked isn't that bad.

//I like both.


I like Cracked! I liked it when it was a real magazine. Better than MAD!
 
2013-04-17 12:40:22 AM
I was recounting to some whippersnappers last night about how Walter Cronkite and CBS would have handled this story if it had happened in 1970 or so:

"Today in Boston, two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring dozens. [film rolls from helicopter flyover] A third bomb was found and safely detonated by explosives experts. There are currently no suspects and no group has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Authorities from several local, state, and federal agencies are investigating.

"In Phnom Penh today....."
 
2013-04-17 12:43:51 AM
I'm sure they'll take this opportunity to reflect on past mistakes, learn from them and come out a stronger, better news organization in the future.
 
2013-04-17 12:44:44 AM

Lenny_da_Hog: I was recounting to some whippersnappers last night about how Walter Cronkite and CBS would have handled this story if it had happened in 1970 or so:

"Today in Boston, two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring dozens. [film rolls from helicopter flyover] A third bomb was found and safely detonated by explosives experts. There are currently no suspects and no group has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Authorities from several local, state, and federal agencies are investigating.

"In Phnom Penh today....."


Were there a lot of bombs in Boston back then? I wasn't around until the mid-80s.
 
2013-04-17 12:45:06 AM
I have to agree. The nation is gripped by tragedy and it seems disrespectful to the dead and wounded when pundits demand factual accuracy in reporting. Its enough to know something big is happening and someone has been apprehended. Facts can wait until emotion dies down.
 
2013-04-17 12:45:37 AM
Hey comon guys, the movie was pretty good
 
2013-04-17 12:46:22 AM

Buggar: I'm sure they'll take this opportunity to reflect on past mistakes, learn from them and come out a stronger, better news organization in the future.


Thanks to behavioral tracking cookies and social network data-miners, they had that information in real-time.
 
2013-04-17 12:47:05 AM

ransack.: Lenny_da_Hog: I was recounting to some whippersnappers last night about how Walter Cronkite and CBS would have handled this story if it had happened in 1970 or so:

"Today in Boston, two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring dozens. [film rolls from helicopter flyover] A third bomb was found and safely detonated by explosives experts. There are currently no suspects and no group has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Authorities from several local, state, and federal agencies are investigating.

"In Phnom Penh today....."

Were there a lot of bombs in Boston back then? I wasn't around until the mid-80s.


Sorry, I forgot the word "if" was outlawed in 82.
 
2013-04-17 12:48:36 AM

katerbug72: I hate The Onion. If I want to read fake news, I'll read the NY Post or Fox News.


I'll give Fox News this. They weren't anywhere near as bad as CNN in jumping the gun on bad reports yesterday. They suck on opinion most of the time but when it comes down to actual hard news that's breaking they usually seem to get it right the first time. The problem is that on slow news days they mask opinion as news a lot of the time and there are plenty of people out there that can't seem to make the distinction. They usually try and make it very clear in situations like yesterday on which items are unconfirmed reports and what is solid and verified information.
 
2013-04-17 12:48:37 AM

ransack.: Lenny_da_Hog: I was recounting to some whippersnappers last night about how Walter Cronkite and CBS would have handled this story if it had happened in 1970 or so:

"Today in Boston, two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring dozens. [film rolls from helicopter flyover] A third bomb was found and safely detonated by explosives experts. There are currently no suspects and no group has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Authorities from several local, state, and federal agencies are investigating.

"In Phnom Penh today....."

Were there a lot of bombs in Boston back then? I wasn't around until the mid-80s.


No. News outlets back then just didn't insist on treating the news, and especially tragedies, as entertainment.
 
2013-04-17 12:49:12 AM
Clearly, what we need is more reporting about the quality of the reporting of how the media reported events in the wake of the initial reporting.
 
2013-04-17 12:49:27 AM
Yeah well it wasn't nearly as bad as CNN today when they hired that kid to say "BOOM goes the dynamite" over & over again during their looping montage of explosion videos.
 
2013-04-17 12:51:53 AM

Radioactive Ass: I'll give Fox News this. They weren't anywhere near as bad as CNN in jumping the gun on bad reports yesterday.


I'm not sure about Fox News but it's sister publication NY Post seemed hellbent to pin this attack on Muslims.
 
2013-04-17 12:52:27 AM

I sound fat: while they were the worst, they were hardly the only news organization with fact checking slackedness during the early hours.


There's weak fact-checking during an evolving crisis....and then there's "Quick! Make up some numbers and throw in a few ethnic stereotypes! Great, post it!"
 
2013-04-17 12:53:44 AM

Mattyb710: No. News outlets back then just didn't insist on treating the news, and especially tragedies, as entertainment.


That's because back then there were no 24 hour news networks with a lot of empty airtime to fill. They had 1/2 hour to tell the stories of the day and they didn't analyze it. If you wanted analysis you either waited for Sunday morning (or evening if 60 Minutes was doing something on it) or you read the newspaper the next day.
 
2013-04-17 12:54:40 AM
When the going gets tough, count on the Onion to go after the low-hanging fruit.
 
2013-04-17 12:57:01 AM
Get the widow on the set. We need dirty laundry.
 
2013-04-17 12:57:18 AM

Radioactive Ass: Mattyb710: No. News outlets back then just didn't insist on treating the news, and especially tragedies, as entertainment.

That's because back then there were no 24 hour news networks with a lot of empty airtime to fill. They had 1/2 hour to tell the stories of the day and they didn't analyze it. If you wanted analysis you either waited for Sunday morning (or evening if 60 Minutes was doing something on it) or you read the newspaper the next day.


Also, there were three major news networks, and two major news wire services. If one became sensationalistic, their standards would be criticized loudly, and it stood out and they'd lose precious ratings. Now, with dozens of TV news sources and hundreds of web-based news sources, the focus is on keeping people engaged by turning everything into a drama, and there's nobody loud enough to criticize anymore.
 
2013-04-17 12:59:05 AM

Radioactive Ass: katerbug72: I hate The Onion. If I want to read fake news, I'll read the NY Post or Fox News.

I'll give Fox News this. They weren't anywhere near as bad as CNN in jumping the gun on bad reports yesterday. They suck on opinion most of the time but when it comes down to actual hard news that's breaking they usually seem to get it right the first time. The problem is that on slow news days they mask opinion as news a lot of the time and there are plenty of people out there that can't seem to make the distinction. They usually try and make it very clear in situations like yesterday on which items are unconfirmed reports and what is solid and verified information.


I started out watching Fox News yesterday and had to switch to ABC because I couldn't stand all the horrible speculation. The woman was just talking to fill time or something and it was the most annoying thing. My mother in law talks like that. Narrates life, speculates on things she knows nothing about. It was like that, speculation was rampant and actual news facts were nil. Mind you, it was pretty early but it was terrible. I can't stand watching Fox News, the TV just happened to be on Fox when I turned it on so I left it.
 
2013-04-17 01:00:10 AM
hereandnow.wbur.org
Agrees

/hotlink
 
2013-04-17 01:00:50 AM
"Let us not bicker and argue about who killed who."

/the writing in Monty Python is MUCH better than the ny post
//at least MP is intentionally funny
 
2013-04-17 01:01:18 AM

wademh: Clearly, what we need is more reporting about the quality of the reporting of how the media reported events in the wake of the initial reporting.


img1.imagesbn.com
 
2013-04-17 01:02:09 AM

ransack.: Lenny_da_Hog: I was recounting to some whippersnappers last night about how Walter Cronkite and CBS would have handled this story if it had happened in 1970 or so:

"Today in Boston, two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring dozens. [film rolls from helicopter flyover] A third bomb was found and safely detonated by explosives experts. There are currently no suspects and no group has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Authorities from several local, state, and federal agencies are investigating.

"In Phnom Penh today....."

Were there a lot of bombs in Boston back then? I wasn't around until the mid-80s.


No, but as an eight-year-old I learned "body count" and "napalm" and "grenade" and "Khmer Rouge" and watched the horrid chaotic evacuation of Da Nang right on the teevee.

Perhaps not all that different from today's news.
 
2013-04-17 01:02:14 AM

Mrtraveler01: I'm not sure about Fox News but it's sister publication NY Post seemed hellbent to pin this attack on Muslims.


I switched back and forth between CNN and Fox all day (as they started to repeat themselves so about every 20 minutes or so) and Fox news wasn't trying to pin this on Muslims at the time. I do believe that CNN and Fox both did mention the Saudi guy and the dark skinned man with an accent wearing a hoodie as persons of interest early on but they both dropped it as soon as they had more info.
 
2013-04-17 01:05:38 AM

katerbug72: I started out watching Fox News yesterday and had to switch to ABC because I couldn't stand all the horrible speculation. The woman was just talking to fill time or something and it was the most annoying thing. My mother in law talks like that. Narrates life, speculates on things she knows nothing about. It was like that, speculation was rampant and actual news facts were nil. Mind you, it was pretty early but it was terrible. I can't stand watching Fox News, the TV just happened to be on Fox when I turned it on so I left it.


I tuned in about an hour or so into it and that's the kind of stuff that made me switch to CNN. But then CNN would start to do the same thing so I'd switch back to Fox. That's the stuff that I was talking about earlier where they are simply filling air time while waiting for more information. You need to know how to filter it out.
 
2013-04-17 01:07:56 AM

BuckTurgidson: No, but as an eight-year-old I learned "body count" and "napalm" and "grenade" and "Khmer Rouge" and watched the horrid chaotic evacuation of Da Nang right on the teevee.

Perhaps not all that different from today's news.


Yeah, it was. They showed us so we'd understand the magnitude of major events, didn't allow it to become snuff drama, and they'd only tell us what they knew for sure. 

/When I was about 4, I remember hearing Cronkite telling us every night how many troops we'd lost. I assumed a troop was like a jeep -- some piece of equipment the army used. I finally asked what a troop was. That day changed my understanding of humanity a lot.
 
2013-04-17 01:08:48 AM

Mrbogey: [hereandnow.wbur.org image 497x317]
Agrees

/hotlink


Ooh, yeah... I'd rod her ham if you know what I mean
 
2013-04-17 01:09:02 AM

Radioactive Ass: katerbug72: I started out watching Fox News yesterday and had to switch to ABC because I couldn't stand all the horrible speculation. The woman was just talking to fill time or something and it was the most annoying thing. My mother in law talks like that. Narrates life, speculates on things she knows nothing about. It was like that, speculation was rampant and actual news facts were nil. Mind you, it was pretty early but it was terrible. I can't stand watching Fox News, the TV just happened to be on Fox when I turned it on so I left it.

I tuned in about an hour or so into it and that's the kind of stuff that made me switch to CNN. But then CNN would start to do the same thing so I'd switch back to Fox. That's the stuff that I was talking about earlier where they are simply filling air time while waiting for more information. You need to know how to filter it out.


Yesterday made me remember why I don't watch the news anymore. I prefer to read it online.
 
2013-04-17 01:09:49 AM

Mrbogey: [hereandnow.wbur.org image 497x317]
Agrees

/hotlink


First thing I thought of.  I doubt some farkers will get the reference because they weren't paying attention to that issue when it happened or when the SoS finally addressed congress.
 
2013-04-17 01:12:44 AM
thepokylittlepundit.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-04-17 01:15:33 AM

ransack.: Lenny_da_Hog: I was recounting to some whippersnappers last night about how Walter Cronkite and CBS would have handled this story if it had happened in 1970 or so:

"Today in Boston, two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring dozens. [film rolls from helicopter flyover] A third bomb was found and safely detonated by explosives experts. There are currently no suspects and no group has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Authorities from several local, state, and federal agencies are investigating.

"In Phnom Penh today....."

Were there a lot of bombs in Boston back then? I wasn't around until the mid-80s.



The point is Cronkite et. al. didn't dally with the story and just stuck with the facts. Once they reported it, they moved on. The problem with the 24 hour news cycle is that it is on for 24 hours, so these moronic stations fill the air with repetitive drivel, editorial commentary, and meaningless information.

"We have live on the scene our beat reporter Jack WhiteSmile. Jack, can you tell us anything about the mood down at street level of the crime? How are the residents handling this, and is there any mention of an ultimatum or ownership claim from the terrorist group that did this?"

"Yes, Wolfie, I am here just feet away from where this terrible explosion occurred. Several witnesses reported hearing a loud noise, like a thundercrack, and then billowing smoke poured out of the side of the building. The police have told people to stay inside their homes, and people feel scared and confused and blah blah shiat we already know and can infer but let's keep talking about it for the next hour. Let me interview some stupendous dumbasses who should never be near a microphone let alone on TV..."
 
2013-04-17 01:19:10 AM

luxup: The Onion should do an in-depth investigation into the last time it was actually funny.

Never understood how it's lasted.


Satire isn't necessarily funny. Especially when it predicts the future with a disturbing degree of accuracy.
 
2013-04-17 01:21:07 AM

Ishkur: ransack.: Lenny_da_Hog: I was recounting to some whippersnappers last night about how Walter Cronkite and CBS would have handled this story if it had happened in 1970 or so:

"Today in Boston, two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring dozens. [film rolls from helicopter flyover] A third bomb was found and safely detonated by explosives experts. There are currently no suspects and no group has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Authorities from several local, state, and federal agencies are investigating.

"In Phnom Penh today....."

Were there a lot of bombs in Boston back then? I wasn't around until the mid-80s.


The point is Cronkite et. al. didn't dally with the story and just stuck with the facts. Once they reported it, they moved on. The problem with the 24 hour news cycle is that it is on for 24 hours, so these moronic stations fill the air with repetitive drivel, editorial commentary, and meaningless information.

"We have live on the scene our beat reporter Jack WhiteSmile. Jack, can you tell us anything about the mood down at street level of the crime? How are the residents handling this, and is there any mention of an ultimatum or ownership claim from the terrorist group that did this?"

"Yes, Wolfie, I am here just feet away from where this terrible explosion occurred. Several witnesses reported hearing a loud noise, like a thundercrack, and then billowing smoke poured out of the side of the building. The police have told people to stay inside their homes, and people feel scared and confused and blah blah shiat we already know and can infer but let's keep talking about it for the next hour. Let me interview some stupendous dumbasses who should never be near a microphone let alone on TV..."


"Now here's Ollie Williams with the BlaccuWeather forecast"

"It's gonna rain!"

"Thank you, Ollie."

/couldn't resist
 
2013-04-17 01:21:16 AM

Lenny_da_Hog: BuckTurgidson: No, but as an eight-year-old I learned "body count" and "napalm" and "grenade" and "Khmer Rouge" and watched the horrid chaotic evacuation of Da Nang right on the teevee.

Perhaps not all that different from today's news.

Yeah, it was. They showed us so we'd understand the magnitude of major events, didn't allow it to become snuff drama, and they'd only tell us what they knew for sure.
/When I was about 4, I remember hearing Cronkite telling us every night how many troops we'd lost. I assumed a troop was like a jeep -- some piece of equipment the army used. I finally asked what a troop was. That day changed my understanding of humanity a lot.


It took a while longer for me, having weaned on reruns of leftover WWII adventure and propaganda movies.
 
2013-04-17 01:21:31 AM
MMMMM  that;s good satire.
 
2013-04-17 01:23:23 AM

Lenny_da_Hog: I was recounting to some whippersnappers last night about how Walter Cronkite and CBS would have handled this story if it had happened in 1970 or so:

"Today in Boston, two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring dozens. [film rolls from helicopter flyover] A third bomb was found and safely detonated by explosives experts. There are currently no suspects and no group has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Authorities from several local, state, and federal agencies are investigating.

"In Phnom Penh today....."


Eh, I'm not so sure. I definitely don't want to argue that they'd be as bad as now, but you're underplaying it a bit I think. You can look on YouTube and find the CBS broadcast from the afternoon Kennedy was shot; Cronkite was breaking into the broadcast often with information which had just arrived.
 
2013-04-17 01:25:06 AM

Radioactive Ass: Mattyb710: No. News outlets back then just didn't insist on treating the news, and especially tragedies, as entertainment.

That's because back then there were no 24 hour news networks with a lot of empty airtime to fill. They had 1/2 hour to tell the stories of the day and they didn't analyze it. If you wanted analysis you either waited for Sunday morning (or evening if 60 Minutes was doing something on it) or you read the newspaper the next day.


+1 to this and congruent comments from Ishkur and Lenny_da_Hog, among others.
 
2013-04-17 01:29:21 AM

evaned: Lenny_da_Hog: I was recounting to some whippersnappers last night about how Walter Cronkite and CBS would have handled this story if it had happened in 1970 or so:

"Today in Boston, two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring dozens. [film rolls from helicopter flyover] A third bomb was found and safely detonated by explosives experts. There are currently no suspects and no group has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Authorities from several local, state, and federal agencies are investigating.

"In Phnom Penh today....."

Eh, I'm not so sure. I definitely don't want to argue that they'd be as bad as now, but you're underplaying it a bit I think. You can look on YouTube and find the CBS broadcast from the afternoon Kennedy was shot; Cronkite was breaking into the broadcast often with information which had just arrived.


Not comparable events, though. The assassination of the president was an event that affected everyone, first of all -- a bombing in Boston does not affect people world-wide. Second of all, they only ran with facts once confirmed. They were showing fallout, Johnson taking command, the reactions of world leaders, etc., etc. They actually had information to dish out -- they weren't filling time with speculation and panic over what it *might* mean.
 
2013-04-17 01:33:16 AM

Stoj: Yeah well it wasn't nearly as bad as CNN today when they hired that kid to say "BOOM goes the dynamite" over & over again during their looping montage of explosion videos.


Reminds me of when they reported shots fired by the Coast Guard at a boat near the Pentagon, because -- as part of a drill -- someone said "bang bang" on the radio. (Good thing it wasn't "pyoo pyoo," or they would have reported a laser battle.)

A quote from CNN afterward:

"After 20 minutes of trying to get some confirmation from the Coast Guard and being told nothing was going on, it would have been wrong for us not to report this was happening."

Actually, what's notable this time is that other media didn't start parroting the same story -- for a change. Thank Allah for the Post's poor reputation.
 
2013-04-17 01:34:56 AM
They really missed the mark with this article. I see what they were going for, and hell, agree with it. But the way in which they went about it was tasteless.

Hell, I say this as a guy who made a Tom Scholz organ failure joke during the first few hours of the attack.
 
2013-04-17 01:40:22 AM
Not Parody:

When I woke up this morning, I quickly checked Google News headlines before going out for coffee. Boston was of course still at the top of the page.

It was perfect timing, but -- Every story listed on the top frame was retracting information from a previous version of the story. I now regret not taking a screen-shot.
 
2013-04-17 01:43:57 AM
img168.imageshack.us

"Klaus is a moron who knows only what he reads in the New York Post."

/I'm the first? Really?
//source
 
2013-04-17 01:45:18 AM

Lenny_da_Hog: I was recounting to some whippersnappers last night about how Walter Cronkite and CBS would have handled this story if it had happened in 1970 or so:

"Today in Boston, two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring dozens. [film rolls from helicopter flyover] A third bomb was found and safely detonated by explosives experts. There are currently no suspects and no group has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Authorities from several local, state, and federal agencies are investigating.

"In Phnom Penh today....."


Just tonight it dawned on me to watch PBS instead of one of the big three.  FAR less sensational and too the point.  Sick of the tear jerkin' crap they ALL seem to stoop to.  CBS was known for years as the station you turned to for solid info.  Now they need the advertising cash just like everyone else.
 
2013-04-17 01:46:38 AM

Lenny_da_Hog: evaned: Lenny_da_Hog: I was recounting to some whippersnappers last night about how Walter Cronkite and CBS would have handled this story if it had happened in 1970 or so:

"Today in Boston, two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring dozens. [film rolls from helicopter flyover] A third bomb was found and safely detonated by explosives experts. There are currently no suspects and no group has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Authorities from several local, state, and federal agencies are investigating.

"In Phnom Penh today....."

Eh, I'm not so sure. I definitely don't want to argue that they'd be as bad as now, but you're underplaying it a bit I think. You can look on YouTube and find the CBS broadcast from the afternoon Kennedy was shot; Cronkite was breaking into the broadcast often with information which had just arrived.

Not comparable events, though. The assassination of the president was an event that affected everyone, first of all -- a bombing in Boston does not affect people world-wide. Second of all, they only ran with facts once confirmed. They were showing fallout, Johnson taking command, the reactions of world leaders, etc., etc. They actually had information to dish out -- they weren't filling time with speculation and panic over what it *might* mean.


And for sure there weren't fifteen reporters running up to random passersby: "How did you feel? What did you do?" and eliciting fifteen identical responses: "I was scared. I shiat myself." "Wow, really? And what was it like?" "It was really scary."
 
2013-04-17 01:47:19 AM

Marcintosh: Lenny_da_Hog: I was recounting to some whippersnappers last night about how Walter Cronkite and CBS would have handled this story if it had happened in 1970 or so:

"Today in Boston, two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring dozens. [film rolls from helicopter flyover] A third bomb was found and safely detonated by explosives experts. There are currently no suspects and no group has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Authorities from several local, state, and federal agencies are investigating.

"In Phnom Penh today....."

Just tonight it dawned on me to watch PBS instead of one of the big three.  FAR less sensational and too the point.  Sick of the tear jerkin' crap they ALL seem to stoop to.  CBS was known for years as the station you turned to for solid info.  Now they need the advertising cash just like everyone else.


This is why I prefer BBC world and NPR.
 
2013-04-17 01:50:17 AM
Howser:

I have to agree. The nation is gripped by tragedy and it seems disrespectful to the dead and wounded when pundits demand factual accuracy in reporting. Its enough to know something big is happening and someone has been apprehended. Facts can wait until emotion dies down.

2/10. You must know that a shiatty idea that would lead to lynching and a total disregard for whatever civil rights we have left, but you put it so pokerfaced that several idiots out there will agree with it and want to subscribe to your newsletter. Satire that subtle is socially irresponsible because most Americans are morons.

Contrast it with that teacher's assignment to write an essay blaming the Jews for whatever: the latter aims to teach rhetoric, i.e. putting an argument together (I suck at that myself) that not very few people will be predisposed to agree with. But the chance that large numbers of people will suddenly form pogroms or initiate a genocide is pretty slim, because "everybody knows that Nazis are crazy and evil."

However, since "9/11" a large part of the American public has been conditioned to view all Arabs and Muslims as terrorists so much that when a bomb goes off they start looking for someone who "looks Muslim" to string up. It's good that the Saudi student isn't out on the street where some "enraged patriot" could "understandly" shoot him.

What if the culprit turned out to be say a Jewish Buddhist or the Russian Mob? Or maybe it was some lone nut with no other object than watching people get their legs shattered with shrapnel.

Every news report should focus on the few facts that are known. The first should be something like "Two bombs went off at the finish line of the Boston Marathon and an undetermined number of people have been badly hurt; the extent of the damage is unknown but within 10 feet of this reporter are four people with their legs blown off. We'll have more details for you as more facts become known." No conjecture, no "unnamed sources," no scapegoats, just the few indisputable facts.

And no every five minute updates either. Take notes, get photos & video, interview a few people (but don't put them all on the air), etc.; make it all as objectively verifiable as possible. Practice journalism, not sensation-mongering.

As to the marathon massacre, my own predilection is to see is as part of a "strategy of tension" cooked up by who knows who to do who knows what. The important things is that "OMG! We've been attacked AGAIN! Quick everybody, lets get hysterical!"

"When in trouble, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout."
 
2013-04-17 01:52:53 AM
What I'm getting from this thread is that y'all are a bunch of television addicts.

You all can't seem to turn the f**king thing off, yet you all b**ch about the sh***y content.

KILL YOUR TVs MORANS!!!
 
2013-04-17 01:53:09 AM
bborchar:

"Let us not bicker and argue about who killed who."

/the writing in Monty Python is MUCH better than the ny post
//at least MP is intentionally funny


Um, no: they intended to be funny.
 
2013-04-17 01:55:38 AM

TwowheelinTim: What I'm getting from this thread is that y'all are a bunch of television addicts.

You all can't seem to turn the f**king thing off, yet you all b**ch about the sh***y content.

KILL YOUR TVs MORANS!!!


Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own A Television
 
2013-04-17 01:57:21 AM
Radioactive Ass:

I do believe that CNN and Fox both did mention the Saudi guy and the dark skinned man with an accent wearing a hoodie as persons of interest early on but they both dropped it as soon as they had more info.

There was no need to bring him/them up at all. If they had to they could have made do with "There are unconfirmed reports that investigators have received reports about a person who might know something they don't" or however you'd put it. There's no need to even specify the sex of the person, let alone their suspected ethnicity.
 
2013-04-17 01:58:07 AM

Radioactive Ass: Mrtraveler01: I'm not sure about Fox News but it's sister publication NY Post seemed hellbent to pin this attack on Muslims.

I switched back and forth between CNN and Fox all day (as they started to repeat themselves so about every 20 minutes or so) and Fox news wasn't trying to pin this on Muslims at the time. I do believe that CNN and Fox both did mention the Saudi guy and the dark skinned man with an accent wearing a hoodie as persons of interest early on but they both dropped it as soon as they had more info.


i.imgur.com media.miamiherald.com

Unavailable for comment.
 
2013-04-17 02:04:06 AM

BuckTurgidson: TwowheelinTim: What I'm getting from this thread is that y'all are a bunch of television addicts.

You all can't seem to turn the f**king thing off, yet you all b**ch about the sh***y content.

KILL YOUR TVs MORANS!!!

Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own A Television


I'm sorry, where did I mention I don't own a television?

Just keep up your sniveling about the crap you're subjected to on your idiot box. You're among friends there Turdbuttf**kson
 
2013-04-17 02:05:41 AM

evaned: Eh, I'm not so sure. I definitely don't want to argue that they'd be as bad as now, but you're underplaying it a bit I think. You can look on YouTube and find the CBS broadcast from the afternoon Kennedy was shot; Cronkite was breaking into the broadcast often with information which had just arrived.


You kinda hit the nail on the head: they didn't do 14 hours of wall-to-wall coverage: they broke in when they had something to report.

The other thing was that Kennedy's assassination was one of the last major events which couldn't be covered live on-site.  Cronkite replied on a teletype machine and calls from CBS reporters in Dallas.  If you watch the footage of the day as it unfolds, you sometimes see Walter being handed pieces of paper fresh off the telex roll.
 
2013-04-17 02:06:29 AM

gerbilpox: [img168.imageshack.us image 366x450]

"Klaus is a moron who knows only what he reads in the New York Post."

/I'm the first? Really?
//source


That....might even be a bit obscure.
 
2013-04-17 02:08:27 AM

TwowheelinTim: BuckTurgidson: TwowheelinTim: What I'm getting from this thread is that y'all are a bunch of television addicts.

You all can't seem to turn the f**king thing off, yet you all b**ch about the sh***y content.

KILL YOUR TVs MORANS!!!

Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own A Television

I'm sorry, where did I mention I don't own a television?

Just keep up your sniveling about the crap you're subjected to on your idiot box. You're among friends there Turdbuttf**kson


Lighten up, Francis.
 
2013-04-17 02:11:16 AM

Gyrfalcon: gerbilpox: [img168.imageshack.us image 366x450]

"Klaus is a moron who knows only what he reads in the New York Post."

/I'm the first? Really?
//source

That....might even be a bit obscure.


'80's movies? Obscure??

Heck, I watched that on Betamax after chasing people off my lawn.
 
2013-04-17 02:14:23 AM
Achievement Unlocked:  Administration Accountability
 
2013-04-17 02:14:38 AM
Hey Baby,
The New York Post is reporting that I have a twelve-inch penis.
 
2013-04-17 02:16:16 AM

The One True TheDavid: There was no need to bring him/them up at all. If they had to they could have made do with "There are unconfirmed reports that investigators have received reports about a person who might know something they don't" or however you'd put it. There's no need to even specify the sex of the person, let alone their suspected ethnicity.


I don't necessarily disagree but they were reporting it. I was using that to contrast what The Post was doing at the same time (and well beyond). To me that type of information might be relevant fodder for local news stations just in case someone might twig onto something that may help the police but there's no reason to do that on a national level. Not something as vague as that anyway. They were just filling time which is the general MO of 24 hour news stations.
 
2013-04-17 02:16:21 AM

Radioactive Ass: katerbug72: I started out watching Fox News yesterday and had to switch to ABC because I couldn't stand all the horrible speculation. The woman was just talking to fill time or something and it was the most annoying thing. My mother in law talks like that. Narrates life, speculates on things she knows nothing about. It was like that, speculation was rampant and actual news facts were nil. Mind you, it was pretty early but it was terrible. I can't stand watching Fox News, the TV just happened to be on Fox when I turned it on so I left it.

I tuned in about an hour or so into it and that's the kind of stuff that made me switch to CNN. But then CNN would start to do the same thing so I'd switch back to Fox. That's the stuff that I was talking about earlier where they are simply filling air time while waiting for more information. You need to know how to filter it out.

stop gawking at the train wreck and move on.

I'm not being callous - a couple bombs exploded and some people were injured and even killed. But that's not a reason to glue yourself to the television for the next two hours engorging on disasterporn, even if you have family in the area (they won't release names until they contact next of kin anyway). There are a thousand ways you could be more productive, or if required, therapeutic, than gawking at the train wreck.
 
2013-04-17 02:17:54 AM

TwowheelinTim: What I'm getting from this thread is that y'all are a bunch of television addicts.

You all can't seem to turn the f**king thing off, yet you all b**ch about the sh***y content.

KILL YOUR TVs MORANS!!!


But the New York Post was my favorite TV show!
 
2013-04-17 02:18:06 AM

The All-Powerful Atheismo: MidnightSnacks: Did the Onion just cross into Poe territory?

Baltimore?


Nice!
 
2013-04-17 02:20:51 AM

Marcintosh: Lenny_da_Hog: I was recounting to some whippersnappers last night about how Walter Cronkite and CBS would have handled this story if it had happened in 1970 or so:

"Today in Boston, two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring dozens. [film rolls from helicopter flyover] A third bomb was found and safely detonated by explosives experts. There are currently no suspects and no group has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Authorities from several local, state, and federal agencies are investigating.

"In Phnom Penh today....."

Just tonight it dawned on me to watch PBS instead of one of the big three.  FAR less sensational and too the point.  Sick of the tear jerkin' crap they ALL seem to stoop to.  CBS was known for years as the station you turned to for solid info.  Now they need the advertising cash just like everyone else.


Caught a bit of Katie Kouric's show today (don't judge, my mom was watching it) and the maudlin, tear-jerking music they played before and after every break made me want to punch a puppy in the face.
 
2013-04-17 02:21:41 AM

Medic Zero: The All-Powerful Atheismo: MidnightSnacks: Did the Onion just cross into Poe territory?

Baltimore?

Nice!


I'm glad someone around here isn't a retard
 
2013-04-17 02:24:05 AM

starsrift: I'm not being callous - a couple bombs exploded and some people were injured and even killed. But that's not a reason to glue yourself to the television for the next two hours engorging on disasterporn, even if you have family in the area (they won't release names until they contact next of kin anyway). There are a thousand ways you could be more productive, or if required, therapeutic, than gawking at the train wreck.


I was at home and doing other things as well. I usually have live TV\streaming movies\tv shows\whatever or radio or some MP3's playing as background noise anyway. This particular event caught my attention (more than others) for some reason. Not my normal MO.
 
2013-04-17 02:25:12 AM

fusillade762: Marcintosh: Lenny_da_Hog: I was recounting to some whippersnappers last night about how Walter Cronkite and CBS would have handled this story if it had happened in 1970 or so:

"Today in Boston, two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring dozens. [film rolls from helicopter flyover] A third bomb was found and safely detonated by explosives experts. There are currently no suspects and no group has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Authorities from several local, state, and federal agencies are investigating.

"In Phnom Penh today....."

Just tonight it dawned on me to watch PBS instead of one of the big three.  FAR less sensational and too the point.  Sick of the tear jerkin' crap they ALL seem to stoop to.  CBS was known for years as the station you turned to for solid info.  Now they need the advertising cash just like everyone else.

Caught a bit of Katie Kouric's show today (don't judge, my mom was watching it) and the maudlin, tear-jerking music they played before and after every break made me want to punch a puppy in the face.


Just once, I'd like to see a follow-up story that reported, "Victim's family says he was a self-centered ass who hated life."
 
2013-04-17 02:32:33 AM

Mrbogey: [hereandnow.wbur.org image 497x317]
Agrees

/hotlink


Au courant.
 
2013-04-17 02:36:06 AM

knbwhite: Mrbogey: [hereandnow.wbur.org image 497x317]
Agrees

/hotlink

First thing I thought of.  I doubt some farkers will get the reference because they weren't paying attention to that issue when it happened or when the SoS finally addressed congress.


Because it didn't matter?
 
2013-04-17 02:41:36 AM

Gyrfalcon: Lenny_da_Hog: evaned: Lenny_da_Hog: I was recounting to some whippersnappers last night about how Walter Cronkite and CBS would have handled this story if it had happened in 1970 or so:

"Today in Boston, two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring dozens. [film rolls from helicopter flyover] A third bomb was found and safely detonated by explosives experts. There are currently no suspects and no group has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Authorities from several local, state, and federal agencies are investigating.

"In Phnom Penh today....."

Eh, I'm not so sure. I definitely don't want to argue that they'd be as bad as now, but you're underplaying it a bit I think. You can look on YouTube and find the CBS broadcast from the afternoon Kennedy was shot; Cronkite was breaking into the broadcast often with information which had just arrived.

Not comparable events, though. The assassination of the president was an event that affected everyone, first of all -- a bombing in Boston does not affect people world-wide. Second of all, they only ran with facts once confirmed. They were showing fallout, Johnson taking command, the reactions of world leaders, etc., etc. They actually had information to dish out -- they weren't filling time with speculation and panic over what it *might* mean.

And for sure there weren't fifteen reporters running up to random passersby: "How did you feel? What did you do?" and eliciting fifteen identical responses: "I was scared. I shiat myself." "Wow, really? And what was it like?" "It was really scary."


No one went for the hard hitting follow up question: "How did it feel when the shiat ran down your legs?"
 
2013-04-17 02:44:05 AM

gerbilpox: TwowheelinTim: BuckTurgidson: TwowheelinTim: What I'm getting from this thread is that y'all are a bunch of television addicts.

You all can't seem to turn the f**king thing off, yet you all b**ch about the sh***y content.

KILL YOUR TVs MORANS!!!

Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own A Television

I'm sorry, where did I mention I don't own a television?

Just keep up your sniveling about the crap you're subjected to on your idiot box. You're among friends there Turdbuttf**kson

Lighten up, Francis.


Thank you. I needed that.

We now return to your regularly scheduled programming...
 
2013-04-17 02:51:04 AM

starsrift: Radioactive Ass: katerbug72: (damn confusing quote featured butcher edited)

I'm not being callous - a couple bombs exploded and some people were injured and even killed. But that's not a reason to glue yourself to the television for the next two hours engorging on disasterporn, even if you have family in the area (they won't release names until they contact next of kin anyway).  There are a thousand ways you could be more productive, or if required, therapeutic, than gawking at the train wreck.


Sure, I *could* be more productive, but what if I WANT to engorge myself on disaster porn? Isn't that my god given right as a freeborn American?

/ Happened to be watching the noon news my time and caught it right away. Turned it off about an hour later when it was obvious it was just going to be time filling speculation for hours, i.e. weak disaster porn.
// Would watch another Katrina live for days on again at the drop of a hat.
 
2013-04-17 02:53:34 AM
Does the NY Post get to keep the money they made here?  Yes?  Next question.
 
2013-04-17 02:57:44 AM

Lenny_da_Hog: Were there a lot of bombs in Boston back then? I wasn't around until the mid-80s.

Sorry, I forgot the word "if" was outlawed in 82


symbonese (sic) liberation army
weather underground
 
2013-04-17 03:12:47 AM

luxup: The Onion should do an in-depth investigation into the last time it was actually funny.

Never understood how it's lasted.


T-ball stand pitches perfect game at Special Olympics

That should be about your speed.
 
2013-04-17 03:18:59 AM

Lenny_da_Hog: fusillade762: Marcintosh: Lenny_da_Hog: I was recounting to some whippersnappers last night about how Walter Cronkite and CBS would have handled this story if it had happened in 1970 or so:

"Today in Boston, two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring dozens. [film rolls from helicopter flyover] A third bomb was found and safely detonated by explosives experts. There are currently no suspects and no group has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Authorities from several local, state, and federal agencies are investigating.

"In Phnom Penh today....."

Just tonight it dawned on me to watch PBS instead of one of the big three.  FAR less sensational and too the point.  Sick of the tear jerkin' crap they ALL seem to stoop to.  CBS was known for years as the station you turned to for solid info.  Now they need the advertising cash just like everyone else.

Caught a bit of Katie Kouric's show today (don't judge, my mom was watching it) and the maudlin, tear-jerking music they played before and after every break made me want to punch a puppy in the face.

Just once, I'd like to see a follow-up story that reported, "Victim's family says he was a self-centered ass who hated life."


I was somewhat pleased that people who knew the Virginia Tech shooter came forward to say that they weren't surprised in the least that he did it. There were multiple people who commented "when I heard the news I figured it was that Cho kid."

*not pleased about the shooting of course
Just happy to break the usual neighbor interview where everyone is surprised. I know multiple people that if they were accused of horrid deeds I would not be surprised, and would testify on TV that I knew they were capable of such actions, and throwing in more stuff I figured they would do if they hadn't been caught.
 
2013-04-17 03:31:09 AM
Radioactive Ass:
I was at home and doing other things as well. I usually have live TV\streaming movies\tv shows\whatever or radio or some MP3's playing as background noise anyway. This particular event caught my attention (more than others) for some reason. Not my normal MO.

To be fair, hearing about boston blowing up during a marathon isn't typically in anyones MO.

This planet is getting really weird. I think I am just going to keep drinking until everything feels normal again.
 
2013-04-17 03:46:35 AM
Congrats, USA - You're growing up.

Dealing with trauma by gaining a streak of dark and cheeky sense of humor is a sign of maturity.
 
2013-04-17 03:50:43 AM
That was the best Onion article I've ever read
 
2013-04-17 04:15:45 AM
Over 5k people die in traffic accidents daily. Weigh it. This was a non-event.
 
2013-04-17 04:19:17 AM
Sometimes I play the mental game, "What if We Had No 1st Amendment?" Somewhere on the list of potential changes I'd institute would be, No Looping Video of Destructive Event beyond three HOURS after said event occurred, and after that, only once at the top of each hour. For only one day.

Just an opinion. Carry on.
 
2013-04-17 04:22:43 AM

Jack9: Over 5k people die in traffic accidents daily. Weigh it. This was a non-event.


...if all 5,000 people died in the same accident, then it'd be a story, wouldn't it?
 
2013-04-17 04:32:45 AM

RexTalionis: This is barely satire.


I prefer to call it "tasteful" satire. It's hard to make fun of a tragic event like this, no matter the dead or injured. The Onion did a good job of not crossing the line.
 
2013-04-17 04:36:15 AM

People_are_Idiots: RexTalionis: This is barely satire.

I prefer to call it "tasteful" satire. It's hard to make fun of a tragic event like this, no matter the dead or injured. The Onion did a good job of not crossing the line.


It's because they didn't make fun of the event. They made fun of the tasteless media response.
 
2013-04-17 04:42:54 AM
Now for an Empathy Showdown! Who can show the most sympathies in a single Facebook post?!

Next: Who can come up with the cruelest revenge scenario for the bomber?
 
2013-04-17 05:31:20 AM
As I live in the area and was taking a nap at the time of the incident, I woke up to two dozen text messages and a ton of Facebook messages.  While I'm glad that my friends care, I'm not sure why they thought I'd be one of less than 200 people that happened to be within the 48 square miles of Boston among the other four million+ residents, 22,000-odd runners or the half-million spectators.  I'm lazy and I live across the river in Cambridge anyway.  I'd be far more likely to be complaining about tourists overcrowding the T, and ordering in food to avoid traffic.

As to the subject of motive, I'm really hoping we get a Heath-Ledger-as-the-Joker reaction here.  I understand that most large-scale violent attacks are ideological in some way (although some of the perpetrators don't seem to have enough cognitive ability to adopt an ideology), and frankly, I'm tired of hearing someone's platform like it's a freaking Congressional campaign.

I had a doctor's appointment at Mass. General yesterday, and had to weave my way through the media who were monopolizing the area around Starbucks just in front of the hospital's sign and what appeared to be four or five guardsmen carrying light rifles and wearing body armor.  I found myself mentally critiquing the technical questions involved, which is that it should be in a crowded and already chaotic area, involve great difficulty in prompt response and have maximum shock value.  Placing a bomb where there are constant security patrols, a bombing the previous day and a facility capable of handling major catastrophic events by its very nature seemed a bit out of line.

Also wish that the blood banks didn't have to turn people away this week and then go back to begging for blood products to be donated the other 51 weeks in a year.  People die in smaller tragedies all the time, so diversify, people.

/also signed up on the bone marrow registry list, should I ever be needed
 
2013-04-17 05:32:58 AM

spill_thrill: Who can come up with the cruelest revenge scenario for the bomber?


If you're familiar with George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series, this question could be answered by a certain gentleman who has adopted the name Bolton.
 
2013-04-17 05:43:59 AM

Benevolent Misanthrope: Tigger: RexTalionis: This is barely satire.

Then it's good satire.

Indeed.  One of their finest pieces lately, I'd say.

~
~
I'm not sure of the exact RULES and definitions, but that read as sarcasm to me, not satire.

Although it was *mildly* amusing, my main gripe with the piece was that it said the same thing over and over again. It was done and dusted after 2 paragraphs.

Then the author says the same thing in the next 2 paragraphs.

Then the author says the same thing in the next 2 paragraphs.

Then the author says the same thing in the next 2 paragraphs.

What a freaken yawn-fest.
 
2013-04-17 06:29:49 AM

Lenny_da_Hog: I was recounting to some whippersnappers last night about how Walter Cronkite and CBS would have handled this story if it had happened in 1970 or so:

"Today in Boston, two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring dozens. [film rolls from helicopter flyover] A third bomb was found and safely detonated by explosives experts. There are currently no suspects and no group has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Authorities from several local, state, and federal agencies are investigating.

"In Phnom Penh today....."


America's been standing naked over a mirror peering up its collective fundament for so long now, it's hard to recall when it last looked up.
 
2013-04-17 06:46:45 AM

Fano: Lenny_da_Hog: fusillade762: Marcintosh: Lenny_da_Hog: I was recounting to some whippersnappers last night about how Walter Cronkite and CBS would have handled this story if it had happened in 1970 or so:

"Today in Boston, two bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring dozens. [film rolls from helicopter flyover] A third bomb was found and safely detonated by explosives experts. There are currently no suspects and no group has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Authorities from several local, state, and federal agencies are investigating.

"In Phnom Penh today....."

Just tonight it dawned on me to watch PBS instead of one of the big three.  FAR less sensational and too the point.  Sick of the tear jerkin' crap they ALL seem to stoop to.  CBS was known for years as the station you turned to for solid info.  Now they need the advertising cash just like everyone else.

Caught a bit of Katie Kouric's show today (don't judge, my mom was watching it) and the maudlin, tear-jerking music they played before and after every break made me want to punch a puppy in the face.

Just once, I'd like to see a follow-up story that reported, "Victim's family says he was a self-centered ass who hated life."

I was somewhat pleased that people who knew the Virginia Tech shooter came forward to say that they weren't surprised in the least that he did it. There were multiple people who commented "when I heard the news I figured it was that Cho kid."

*not pleased about the shooting of course
Just happy to break the usual neighbor interview where everyone is surprised. I know multiple people that if they were accused of horrid deeds I would not be surprised, and would testify on TV that I knew they were capable of such actions, and throwing in more stuff I figured they would do if they hadn't been caught.


So it's not always the quiet guy who keeps to himself?
 
2013-04-17 07:07:10 AM
There is very little that's funny with the Onion anymore. It's mostly just trolling now.
 
2013-04-17 07:26:42 AM

jpallan: spill_thrill: Who can come up with the cruelest revenge scenario for the bomber?

If you're familiar with George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series, this question could be answered by a certain gentleman who has adopted the name Bolton.


www.sdraps.com

Federal pound me in the ass prison?
 
2013-04-17 07:57:29 AM

spill_thrill: Next: Who can come up with the cruelest revenge scenario for the bomber?


I'm not sure what, but something struck me about the way this occurred. Taken along with the unexploded device reportedly found at the library, this suggests to me that this may have more personal motive, (i.e. "revenge" on a cheating spouse or insurance fraud,) and be cleverly disguised to look like a terror attack, taking advantage of the correctly expected jump to conclusions by the media.

In either case, the bomber should be dismantled, using explosives, one piece at a time.

Well, we're going to start with your feet, taping an old-style M-80 to the back of the right foot, and setting it off. We'll tape another one to what's left to make sure it's all gone. Then we'll move to the other foot. I think we'll have your full attention by the time we get to your balls, no?
 
2013-04-17 08:09:42 AM

Huck And Molly Ziegler: Sometimes I play the mental game, "What if We Had No 1st Amendment?" Somewhere on the list of potential changes I'd institute would be, No Looping Video of Destructive Event beyond three HOURS after said event occurred, and after that, only once at the top of each hour. For only one day.

Just an opinion. Carry on.


But what if there are people who have not yet seen that 78-year-old guy crumple and fall from the shock wave? Us seeing it several hundred times seems a small price to pay.
 
2013-04-17 08:50:32 AM

Speaker2Animals: luxup: The Onion should do an in-depth investigation into the last time it was actually funny.

Never understood how it's lasted.

Stick with Cracked, then. Seems to be more your speed.


stopnotlikingwhatilike.jpg?
 
mjg
2013-04-17 09:38:59 AM
Thank you Onion. Thank you.
 
2013-04-17 11:44:01 AM
Lenny_da_Hog:

Just once, I'd like to see a follow-up story that reported, "Victim's family says he was a self-centered ass who hated life."

Just like me!1! And I've been inviting y'all farkers to come do me in for a few years now.
 
2013-04-17 11:46:53 AM

Medic Zero: Gyrfalcon:

And for sure there weren't fifteen reporters running up to random passersby: "How did you feel? What did you do?" and eliciting fifteen identical responses: "I was scared. I shiat myself." "Wow, really? And what was it like?" "It was really scary."

No one went for the hard hitting follow up question: "How did it feel when the shiat ran down your legs?"


Pretty shiatty, akshully.
 
2013-04-17 01:15:23 PM

RobSeace: jpallan: spill_thrill: Who can come up with the cruelest revenge scenario for the bomber?

If you're familiar with George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series, this question could be answered by a certain gentleman who has adopted the name Bolton.

[www.sdraps.com image 400x300]

Federal pound me in the ass prison?


Hold them until the next book comes out?
 
2013-04-17 04:05:10 PM

generallyso: luxup: The Onion should do an in-depth investigation into the last time it was actually funny.

Never understood how it's lasted.

Satire isn't necessarily funny. Especially when it predicts the future with a disturbing degree of accuracy.


You weren't kidding. Someone on the Onion staff must have a time machine. Disturbing indeed.
 
2013-04-17 08:44:49 PM

jpallan: spill_thrill: Who can come up with the cruelest revenge scenario for the bomber?

If you're familiar with George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series, this question could be answered by a certain gentleman who has adopted the name Bolton.


Yeah man they are throwing him in the show already can't wait to see how that turns out.
 
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