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(The Onion)   Area Man Growing A Little Tired Of Rushing Home To Hug Loved Ones   (theonion.com) divider line 17
    More: Obvious, rushing  
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11618 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Apr 2013 at 3:26 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-04-16 05:03:31 PM
4 votes:

Summer Glau's Love Slave: ProudMom222: What a douchebag! Hugging and saying he loves them is apparently too much for him. Hate to his wife and kids.

They need to do way instain mother> who kill their babbys!

/My pary are with the father.


Quick, call 911,then chew an aspirin.
2013-04-16 04:22:49 PM
2 votes:

dv-ous: Queensowntalia: SultanofSchwing: I am hungry and wand lunch but I have to go get it instead of it being brought to me.

I wish I had a lunch wand. It would make life so much easier. That is, if it could summon real food, not just McDonald's or something.

Get on inventing this, Hogwarts.

You don't use your smartphone to order delivery either over the phone or with the internet?

That's a farking magic wand right there, man. My iPhone gives me sandwiches AND porn. It's a farking miracle.


Sandwich Porn.  Now THAT's a thread!
2013-04-16 03:35:38 PM
2 votes:

theresnothinglft: AMGALTORHTHLO


Must be a secret message to summon Kthulu with.


 i.qkme.me
2013-04-16 03:34:11 PM
2 votes:
I went to the grocery store and got too much food and don't have enough room to fit in my fridge because there's already a bunch of food in there.

/Going to eat my way out of this mess...
2013-04-16 05:20:27 PM
1 votes:
Subtle, dry, sparkling, a good vintage Onion whine.
2013-04-16 05:06:52 PM
1 votes:

dabbletech: Summer Glau's Love Slave: ProudMom222: What a douchebag! Hugging and saying he loves them is apparently too much for him. Hate to his wife and kids.

They need to do way instain mother> who kill their babbys!

/My pary are with the father.

Quick, call 911,then chew an aspirin.

Link
2013-04-16 05:05:37 PM
1 votes:

SultanofSchwing: Queensowntalia: SultanofSchwing: I am hungry and wand lunch but I have to go get it instead of it being brought to me.

I wish I had a lunch wand. It would make life so much easier. That is, if it could summon real food, not just McDonald's or something.

Get on inventing this, Hogwarts.

Dammit I self corrected myself, that makes previous episodes of horrible spelling and grammar checks null and void!

I award you no points!


I know. I chose to ignore it, because I liked the idea of a lunch wand.

/hungry, sounds fat
2013-04-16 05:04:51 PM
1 votes:

Ohlookabutterfly: gameshowhost: SpikeStrip: just a matter of days before people resume griping about insignificant "problems"

/one of them

My coffee is cooler than I'd like but it's a 12 foot walk to the microwave!

Never heard of a USB coffee mug warmer? Lazy or dumb, you can't be both so pick one.


Like hell I can't be both.
2013-04-16 04:26:34 PM
1 votes:

Czechzican: SultanofSchwing: SultanofSchwing: I am hungry and want lunch but I have to go get it instead of it being brought to me.

whoopsiedoodle

I hate it when I click on the link to read the comments and have to put up with seeing typos.

/no soup for you


This...is...BULLshiat!!

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
2013-04-16 04:25:16 PM
1 votes:

Lumbar Puncture: Cythraul: FirstNationalBastard: Perhaps he needs all those homosexuals to keep sucking his cock.

(looks at image in article)

I volunteer.

As for the article itself, the Onion's being a bit soft on this one, not very controversial. But that should probably be expected after such a tragedy. Probably better than a 'too soon?' moment.

Anthony Jeselnik tweeted about an hour after: There are some lines that you just can't cross.  Like the finish line, apparently.

He deleted it, which given his humor I'm surprised he didn't just leave it up.


i'll have you know i just passed the crushed remains of a peanut M&M through my nose thanks to you sharing that...
2013-04-16 04:24:19 PM
1 votes:

plewis: That Onion article is both funny and depressing simultaneously.

Personally, I think their post 9/11 issue was the most cathartic thing I've ever seen in humor.  Those were MEAN laughs and much appreciated.


The Onion was great that week. This was the only 9/11 article that moved me to tears.
2013-04-16 04:05:32 PM
1 votes:

FirstNationalBastard: Perhaps he needs all those homosexuals to keep sucking his cock.


Well this thread escalated quickly.
2013-04-16 03:47:46 PM
1 votes:

DerAppie: gameshowhost: SpikeStrip: just a matter of days before people resume griping about insignificant "problems"

/one of them

My coffee is cooler than I'd like but it's a 12 foot walk to the microwave!

That's nothing. My beer is too warm.

/Never really cared about what happened in Boston
//Too far away
///Sure, it sucks for people involved but I am not losing any sleep

might i recommend:
http://dx.com/p/mini-usb-fridge-beverage-drink-cans-cooler-warmer-re fr igerator-red-silver-157216?utm_source=GoogleShoppingUS&utm_medium=CPC& utm_content=157216&utm_campaign=USB%20Gadgets&gclid=COHZvYT6z7YCFaaDQg odA0sAjg

the swearing when i discovered someone beat me to the idea was colorful and creative.
2013-04-16 03:39:29 PM
1 votes:

Jument: I Hate Headlines With Every Word Capitalized.


You're lucky you're as young as you are. Back in my day, Every Word Was Capitalized All The Time. It was the fashion, along with wearing an Onion on our belts. Why we wore fake newspapers on our belts makes no sense.
2013-04-16 03:26:22 PM
1 votes:

SpikeStrip: just a matter of days before people resume griping about insignificant "problems"

/one of them


My coffee is cooler than I'd like but it's a 12 foot walk to the microwave!
2013-04-16 02:53:26 PM
1 votes:

FirstNationalBastard: Perhaps he needs all those homosexuals to keep sucking his cock.


(looks at image in article)

I volunteer.

As for the article itself, the Onion's being a bit soft on this one, not very controversial. But that should probably be expected after such a tragedy. Probably better than a 'too soon?' moment.
2013-04-16 02:33:09 PM
1 votes:
Perhaps he needs all those homosexuals to keep sucking his cock.
 
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