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(The Onion)   Area Man Growing A Little Tired Of Rushing Home To Hug Loved Ones   (theonion.com) divider line 74
    More: Obvious, rushing  
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11627 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Apr 2013 at 3:26 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



74 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-04-16 05:13:04 PM  

Summer Glau's Love Slave: dabbletech: Summer Glau's Love Slave: ProudMom222: What a douchebag! Hugging and saying he loves them is apparently too much for him. Hate to his wife and kids.

They need to do way instain mother> who kill their babbys!

/My pary are with the father.

Quick, call 911,then chew an aspirin.Link


Oh man, I've never seen the animated version of that.  Bravo.
 
2013-04-16 05:20:27 PM  
Subtle, dry, sparkling, a good vintage Onion whine.
 
2013-04-16 05:24:57 PM  
 
2013-04-16 05:34:48 PM  
So... why does Fark greenlight Onion "stories" again?

What's next, random search pages?
 
2013-04-16 05:38:28 PM  

FTGodWin: So... why does Fark greenlight Onion "stories" again?


For the lulz.
 
2013-04-16 05:39:02 PM  

FTGodWin: So... why does Fark greenlight Onion "stories" again?

What's next, random search pages?


Nope. Featured Partners.
 
2013-04-16 05:44:46 PM  

Cythraul: FirstNationalBastard: Perhaps he needs all those homosexuals to keep sucking his cock.

(looks at image in article)

I volunteer.


FYI: stock photos do not have penises.

Don't ask me how I know that.
 
2013-04-16 05:44:51 PM  
I restore my call for Verbatim Headlines = Auto Red

Show SOME creativity for f*ck's sake.
 
2013-04-16 05:52:13 PM  

Contrabulous Flabtraption: I restore my call for Verbatim Headlines = Auto Red

Show SOME creativity for f*ck's sake.


Now, I can understand using the original headline as a part of the headline, but you have to add a joke or something at the end of it.
 
2013-04-16 05:53:04 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: Contrabulous Flabtraption: I restore my call for Verbatim Headlines = Auto Red

Show SOME creativity for f*ck's sake.

Now, I can understand using the original headline as a part of the headline, but you have to add a joke or something at the end of it.


Area Man Growing A Little Tired Of Rushing Home To Hug Loved Ones, The Aristocrats
 
2013-04-16 05:59:10 PM  

SpikeStrip: just a matter of days before people resume griping about insignificant "problems"

/one of them


Matter of days?   Ever heard of Tumblr?
 
2013-04-16 06:06:53 PM  
let me wear this commemorative jacket through the airport so you know i was THERE
 
2013-04-16 06:14:45 PM  
Glad to see somebody has some perspective on this. Yes, it's awful, but most of us have a much greater chance of being hit by lightning on Friday the 13th while a black cat crosses our path, than we do of being the victim of a terrorist attack.
 
2013-04-16 06:24:24 PM  
I think the Onion nailed it, with the perfect tone. I know I teared up thinking about the 8 year old boy waiting for his dad to finish the race. I want to hug my 4 year old close, for sure.
 
2013-04-16 06:27:03 PM  
How about the people that always act extra outraged when a kid is killed? One of the victims of yesterdays Boston bombing was 8 years old and a whole bunch of people were acting like that's somehow more tragic than if he had been 18 or 28 or 38 or 48.....etc
 
2013-04-16 06:31:22 PM  

carnifex2005: plewis: That Onion article is both funny and depressing simultaneously.

Personally, I think their post 9/11 issue was the most cathartic thing I've ever seen in humor.  Those were MEAN laughs and much appreciated.

The Onion was great that week. This was the only 9/11 article that moved me to tears.


Holy shiat, that kicked up some dust leftover from 12 years ago...
 
2013-04-16 06:51:46 PM  

gameshowhost: SpikeStrip: just a matter of days before people resume griping about insignificant "problems"

/one of them

My coffee is cooler than I'd like but it's a 12 foot walk to the microwave!


Pro tip: pour an amount of very hot or boiling water in it, we're talking a few tablespoons to a quarter cup or more (depending on taste.)

The microwave will just over-cook it.
 
2013-04-16 06:59:14 PM  

Popcorn Johnny: How about the people that always act extra outraged when a kid is killed? One of the victims of yesterdays Boston bombing was 8 years old and a whole bunch of people were acting like that's somehow more tragic than if he had been 18 or 28 or 38 or 48.....etc



You can love many things, like a wife, kids, pets, but the sort of pride of the parent combined with the partial innocence of the child hits home in a strong way.

Don't mess with people's money or their kids. If that's too much to remember, don't mess with their kids. A threat to someone's children pushes buttons. An implied threat, or even reminding the parent that there could be a threat, brings out some cold, plodding anger/revenge. Both parents start fantasizing about what they would do if someone blew up their kid... I don't have kids, but I understand where the parents are coming from emotionally.
 
2013-04-16 06:59:35 PM  

SultanofSchwing: FirstNationalBastard: Contrabulous Flabtraption: I restore my call for Verbatim Headlines = Auto Red

Show SOME creativity for f*ck's sake.

Now, I can understand using the original headline as a part of the headline, but you have to add a joke or something at the end of it.

Area Man Growing A Little Tired Of Rushing Home To Hug Loved Ones, The Aristocrats


Ric Romero Reports: Area Man Growing A Little Tired Of Rushing Home To Hug Smoking Hot Wife, Crotchfruit, Ugly-Ass Puppies That Just Want Steak.
 
2013-04-16 07:04:57 PM  

dascott: SultanofSchwing: FirstNationalBastard: Contrabulous Flabtraption: I restore my call for Verbatim Headlines = Auto Red

Show SOME creativity for f*ck's sake.

Now, I can understand using the original headline as a part of the headline, but you have to add a joke or something at the end of it.

Area Man Growing A Little Tired Of Rushing Home To Hug Loved Ones, The Aristocrats

Ric Romero Reports: Area Man Growing A Little Tired Of Rushing Home To Hug Smoking Hot Wife, Crotchfruit, Ugly-Ass Puppies That Just Want Steak.


you forgot Duke sucks.
 
2013-04-16 07:11:49 PM  

Contrabulous Flabtraption: I restore my call for Verbatim Headlines = Auto Red

Show SOME creativity for f*ck's sake.


Vetoed. We know it when we see it, and the extra clicks and biatching are probably easier to deal with than the lost clicks and biatching of a Fark Headline Code with (more extensively) vague rules indicating "We do what we want."

Drew's analogy of a house party is spot on; peeing on the rug is annoying, as is always biatching about rug-pissing Chinamen.
 
2013-04-16 08:16:01 PM  
The funny (sad) thing is that the Onion's coverage of Boston hasn't been funny. The articles that are meant to mock our world almost sound normal. Which is the point they're trying to make. It just isn't funny.
 
2013-04-16 09:26:12 PM  
 
2013-04-17 12:14:20 AM  

TheOtherMisterP: The funny (sad) thing is that the Onion's coverage of Boston hasn't been funny. The articles that are meant to mock our world almost sound normal. Which is the point they're trying to make. It just isn't funny.


After aurora, that video with everyone pointing their guns at each other was just perfect.
 
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