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(Slate)   The most bizarre job interview of all time. "It started out with simple questions, got more personal, and ended with him taking me out for dinner and drinks, as if it were a date"   (slate.com) divider line 201
    More: Scary, dinner  
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17646 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Apr 2013 at 12:18 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-15 11:20:27 AM  
Ummm, okay. You're kinda scared but you still go on a trip with the guy?

CSS: Was part-time job searching at ~25, someone's looking for a sort of office assistant, google the company and they seem legit. As I'm emailing back and forth with the owner he wants to do the interview at his house. I said "Sure, my boyfriend will drive me there as we have plans that evening."

He gets all indignant and cancels the interview. Called it.
 
2013-04-15 11:25:11 AM  
I'm working as a proofreader and fresh out of a divorce.  I called the fellow up and he invited me to come to his home office.  In retrospect, this was probably red flag No. 1. But I was 22 and hadn't had too many job interviews, so I thought it seemed reasonable.

i can tell this gonna be good already.  this girl just invites trouble.
 
2013-04-15 11:28:42 AM  
The real issue here is whether or not the guy drove out to the hillside in advance and planted the heart-shaped rock there so he could "find" it later. I mean, if he did legitimately find it there, that's one thing. Maybe it was a sign that their entire meeting was a pre-ordained stroke of fate. But if he planted it there? Man, that's just weird.
 
2013-04-15 11:36:27 AM  
That's creeeepy.
 
2013-04-15 11:37:12 AM  
He struck me as a sharp dresser and a slick presenter, though I thought he might be a closeted gay man.

Why? Because he was a sharp dresser? Or because he didn't immediately ask to suck on your titties as soon as he saw you?
 
2013-04-15 11:50:22 AM  

Cythraul: He struck me as a sharp dresser and a slick presenter, though I thought he might be a closeted gay man.

Why? Because he was a sharp dresser? Or because he didn't immediately ask to suck on your titties as soon as he saw you?


When I was still in closet I used to immediately try to suck on titties in order to throw people off the scent.  Of course, I have a record now and can't go within a certain distance of schools and daycares, but hey, I FOOLED THEM!
 
2013-04-15 11:52:57 AM  

Diogenes: Cythraul: He struck me as a sharp dresser and a slick presenter, though I thought he might be a closeted gay man.

Why? Because he was a sharp dresser? Or because he didn't immediately ask to suck on your titties as soon as he saw you?

When I was still in closet I used to immediately try to suck on titties in order to throw people off the scent.  Of course, I have a record now and can't go within a certain distance of schools and daycares, but hey, I FOOLED THEM!


You have to know the appropriate moment in the introduction to ask for titty suckage. You can't just say your name and blurt out, "Your titties?! Do they need sucking?!"
 
2013-04-15 11:55:23 AM  

Cythraul: You have to know the appropriate moment in the introduction to ask for titty suckage. You can't just say your name and blurt out, "Your titties?! Do they need sucking?!"


[themoreyouknow.jpg]
 
2013-04-15 11:55:50 AM  

Cythraul: Diogenes: Cythraul: He struck me as a sharp dresser and a slick presenter, though I thought he might be a closeted gay man.

Why? Because he was a sharp dresser? Or because he didn't immediately ask to suck on your titties as soon as he saw you?

When I was still in closet I used to immediately try to suck on titties in order to throw people off the scent.  Of course, I have a record now and can't go within a certain distance of schools and daycares, but hey, I FOOLED THEM!

You have to know the appropriate moment in the introduction to ask for titty suckage. You can't just say your name and blurt out, "Your titties?! Do they need sucking?!"


OMG you two. LOL. STAHP. I'm about to PEE!
 
2013-04-15 12:13:26 PM  

Pocket Ninja: The real issue here is whether or not the guy drove out to the hillside in advance and planted the heart-shaped rock there so he could "find" it later. I mean, if he did legitimately find it there, that's one thing. Maybe it was a sign that their entire meeting was a pre-ordained stroke of fate. But if he planted it there? Man, that's just weird.


I bet he has a box full of heart shaped rocks (a heart shaped box...?).

Like he bought them in bulk for these hilltop pussy hunting expeditions.
 
2013-04-15 12:21:51 PM  
fresh out of a divorce
But I was 22 and hadn't had too many job interviews, so I thought it seemed reasonable.


Sounds like this chick makes outstanding decisions.
 
2013-04-15 12:23:07 PM  
This chick isn't very good at making decisions, is she?
 
2013-04-15 12:23:43 PM  
Casting couch seems absent so far
 
2013-04-15 12:24:28 PM  
This thread, I love. You funny bastards.
 
2013-04-15 12:25:32 PM  

vudutek: Cythraul: You have to know the appropriate moment in the introduction to ask for titty suckage. You can't just say your name and blurt out, "Your titties?! Do they need sucking?!"

[themoreyouknow.jpg]


John-Draper_Be-Good-Looking.jpg

I had a job interview that rolled over into a dinner.  It was for a sales position, where (in hindsight) dinner etiquette would be a factor.  I didn't get the job.  Asking to suck his titties might have gone over better if I had waited for the right time, or been a woman.
 
2013-04-15 12:26:24 PM  

monoski: Casting couch seems absent so far


I thought I'd be the first to make this joke.
 
2013-04-15 12:26:28 PM  

dj_bigbird: This chick isn't very good at making decisions, is she?


She turned down a chance to get knocked up and take half his stuff.  Dumb broad indeed.
 
2013-04-15 12:28:59 PM  
"He asked me to undress, apply some sort of lubricant, and sit in his sex swing.  In retrospect, this was probably red flag No. 1. But I was 22 and hadn't had too many job interviews, so I thought it seemed reasonable."
 
2013-04-15 12:31:18 PM  
"He asked close my eyes, stick out my tongue, and slowly hum the national anthem.  In retrospect, this was probably red flag No. 1. But I was 22 and hadn't had too many job interviews, so I thought it seemed reasonable."
 
2013-04-15 12:32:15 PM  
Good night... Dingdingdingding
 
2013-04-15 12:32:25 PM  
FTFA. He seemed kind of ADD and a bit of a loose cannon, but he was clearly successful (the car! the house! the merch!

what's a merch?
 
2013-04-15 12:32:32 PM  
"He asked me to bark like a dog, lift my left leg in the air, and go through the lemaze breathing exercises. In retrospect, this was probably red flag No. 1. But I was 22 and hadn't had too many job interviews, so I thought it seemed reasonable."
 
2013-04-15 12:33:29 PM  
"He asked me to recite O Captain, My Captain, breath through my nose, and grab my butt cheeks.  In retrospect, this was probably red flag No. 1. But I was 22 and hadn't had too many job interviews, so I thought it seemed reasonable."
 
2013-04-15 12:33:40 PM  
"He asked me to take a dump in the shower, heel it down the drain, and let him lick my heel afterwards.   In retrospect, this was probably red flag No. 1. But I was 22 and hadn't had too many job interviews, so I thought it seemed reasonable."
 
2013-04-15 12:33:46 PM  

Cythraul: He struck me as a sharp dresser and a slick presenter, though I thought he might be a closeted gay man.

Why? Because he was a sharp dresser? Or because he didn't immediately ask to suck on your titties as soon as he saw you?


Was that wrong? Should I not have done that ?
 
2013-04-15 12:34:53 PM  
At what point in an interview do you bring up the prospect of titty suckage? I typically do it after a firm handshake, but the interview seems to go awkwardly after that point. Am I bringing it up too eagerly?
 
2013-04-15 12:34:54 PM  
"He asked me to say the ABCs backwards while hopping on one foot and fingering myself.  In retrospect, this was probably red flag No. 1. But I was 22 and hadn't had too many job interviews, so I thought it seemed reasonable."
 
2013-04-15 12:36:07 PM  
I was in sales for the the first couple years out of school, and I had a handful of those interviews where both the online job posting and what you can find about the company elsewhere on the internet looks legit, but then you arrive for the interview and it's in a vacant, borderline decrepit office and the entire place of reeks of depression and regret.

The especially fun part? Usually those kinds of places hire a stupidly attractive woman who intentionally dresses somewhere across the line of inappropriate and carries the aura of a call-girl to work the front office.
 
2013-04-15 12:36:23 PM  
I was once interviewed for a job by Tom Wopat. He fisted me before he even asked any questions.
 
2013-04-15 12:36:29 PM  
"He asked me to sign a form releasing him of any responsibility in the even of my accidental death, which I did, then he pistol-whipped me.  In retrospect, this was probably red flag No. 1. But I was 22 and hadn't had too many job interviews, so I thought it seemed reasonable."
 
2013-04-15 12:37:33 PM  
"He asked me to get down on all fours so he could use me as 'furniture'. As he rested his buttocks on the small of my back, he said I had a 'strong base'. In retrospect, this was probably red flag No. 1. But I was 22 and hadn't had too many job interviews, so I thought it seemed reasonable."
 
2013-04-15 12:37:39 PM  
FTFA: Hours went by.

Yet, she still went to some remote field, or woods or whatever it was. Nobody deserves to be played like this at all but people do need to employ some common sense.

I called the fellow up and he invited me to come to his home office. In retrospect, this was probably red flag No. 1.

O Rly? Ya think?

Read this and get back to us.
i.imgur.com
 
2013-04-15 12:38:03 PM  
"He asked me when my last period was while rubbing his hands together and slowly mumbling "my precious".  In retrospect, this was probably red flag No. 1. But I was 22 and hadn't had too many job interviews, so I thought it seemed reasonable."
 
2013-04-15 12:38:06 PM  

FarkingReading: I was once interviewed for a job by Tom Wopat. He fisted me before he even asked any questions.


So, best interview ever?
 
2013-04-15 12:38:36 PM  

Smeggy Smurf: dj_bigbird: This chick isn't very good at making decisions, is she?

She turned down a chance to get knocked up and take half his stuff.  Dumb broad indeed.


Still a little bitter? It's ok; eventually you just stop caring.
 
2013-04-15 12:39:04 PM  
"He asked me to get in the hole, apply some lotion all over my body, or else I would get the hose again. In retrospect, this was probably red flag No. 1. But I was 22 and hadn't had too many job interviews, so I thought it seemed reasonable."
 
2013-04-15 12:39:19 PM  
Did the guy keep crossing and uncrossing his legs during the interview?
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-04-15 12:39:25 PM  

SkylineRecords: At what point in an interview do you bring up the prospect of titty suckage? I typically do it after a firm handshake, but the interview seems to go awkwardly after that point. Am I bringing it up too eagerly?


You need a natural segway. Start by inserting breast-related phrases into your answers like "Why do I want to work for this company? Because it has a reputation for excellent customer service, quality workmanship, and you have a really excellent rack."

Do that enough and the titty suckage thing question won't be out of place at all.
 
2013-04-15 12:39:38 PM  
I was at a job interview for a tech job at a family owned light manufacturing company.  During the interview they asked if I had any objections to doing personal computer work for the owner.   I saw myself struggling at 11:00 pm on Christmas Eve to get sound for "Carebears Island Adventure" out to some high end PA speakers attached to the PC's headphone jack.I told them that I would have strong objections.They said that's was understandable but didn't write it down.I knew the owner would be calling be at all hours wanting to know Castle Wolfenstein cheat codes.So I told them thank you and excused myself from the interview.
 
2013-04-15 12:39:50 PM  
"He asked me if I'd ever been in a Turkish prison.   In retrospect, this was probably red flag No. 1. But I was 22 and hadn't had too many job interviews, so I thought it seemed reasonable."
 
2013-04-15 12:40:06 PM  
qph.is.quoracdn.net

She'll realize her mistake in a couple of years. That man was soooo right for her.
 
2013-04-15 12:40:29 PM  

Killer Cars: I was in sales for the the first couple years out of school,


I've since segued into a Repetition Analyst role in the Department of Redundancy Department.
 
2013-04-15 12:41:49 PM  
"He asked me my safe word, showed me his "dungeon" behind the office book case, and put me in a ball gag. In retrospect, this was probably red flag No. 1. But I was 22 and hadn't had too many job interviews, so I thought it seemed reasonable."
 
2013-04-15 12:42:05 PM  
"The interviewer was a male.   In retrospect, this was probably red flag No. 1. But I was 22 and hadn't had too many job interviews, so I thought it seemed reasonable."
 
2013-04-15 12:42:50 PM  
"He asked me where I saw myself in five years, what type of tree I was, and about my abilities to work well in stressful environments.  In retrospect, this was probably red flag No. 1. But I was 22 and hadn't had too many job interviews, so I thought it seemed reasonable."
 
2013-04-15 12:43:03 PM  
He asked me to fly from Bali to Bangkok, while carrying 10.6 pounds of pure cocaine. In retrospect, this was probably red flag No. 1. But I was 22 and hadn't had too many job interviews, so I thought it seemed reasonable.
 
2013-04-15 12:44:33 PM  
Followup:

A few years later, I was driving in Wisconsin and I recognized that road the guy had driven up a few years prior. On a hunch, I drove up there and looked over the valley.

It had become a major industrial park. Below me were thousands of people working in hundreds of buildings. On the side of the largest building, I saw his name.

I heard someone behind me and I turned. I was him but he was different. Sober, clean and very confident. "I come up here every day" he said. "I'm happy to see you here too. All this could have been yours as well." He stepped aside and there was a beautiful woman who looked like me but who has had a ton of work. There were two perfect children behind her. He rejoined them and climbed in to a SUV that poor people are not even allowed to gaze upon. He said "All it took was a woman who believed in me. Oh well." And with that, he bade his chauffeur to drive.

It took me a few weeks to get over it but I did. I guess I got over it the night I broke in to their mansion, stole their SUV and dragged him and Nu Boobs down the street chained to the trailer hitch. I then drove the SUV through every building in that industrial park and set fire to the remains. I made my peace on the very hill top where we first saw the valley.
 
2013-04-15 12:44:52 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: Ummm, okay. You're kinda scared but you still go on a trip with the guy?


I'm guessing this is a cliche situation of modern trashy romance novels, and we all know they can't be wrong.


Cythraul: Diogenes: Cythraul: He struck me as a sharp dresser and a slick presenter, though I thought he might be a closeted gay man.

Why? Because he was a sharp dresser? Or because he didn't immediately ask to suck on your titties as soon as he saw you?

When I was still in closet I used to immediately try to suck on titties in order to throw people off the scent.  Of course, I have a record now and can't go within a certain distance of schools and daycares, but hey, I FOOLED THEM!

You have to know the appropriate moment in the introduction to ask for titty suckage. You can't just say your name and blurt out, "Your titties?! Do they need sucking?!"


Yeah, it can't be near a school or daycare lest you horrify a teacher or parent, if you use incorrect grammar like that.  Shouting in public is also rude, so it's even more considerate to invite the child into a car or van before making the offer.  Since this is all a farce to show you have a case of the not-gheys, you should also follow up with a visit to the child's house and apologize for your insincerity.
 
2013-04-15 12:45:29 PM  

odinsposse: SkylineRecords: At what point in an interview do you bring up the prospect of titty suckage? I typically do it after a firm handshake, but the interview seems to go awkwardly after that point. Am I bringing it up too eagerly?

You need a natural segway. Start by inserting breast-related phrases into your answers like "Why do I want to work for this company? Because it has a reputation for excellent customer service, quality workmanship, and you have a really excellent rack."

Do that enough and the titty suckage thing question won't be out of place at all.


I thought all segways were man-made. Where do you find the natural ones?
 
2013-04-15 12:46:07 PM  
You magnificent bastards...

Honestly though.  A woman should have the right to go on two consecutive days to an interview at a strange man's house, go to dinner with him, accompany him over the state line and into an empty field without fear of harm.  I see nothing wrong with her decision making process.  It's just the patriarchy trying to vilify a strong woman.
 
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