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(WRCB)   From today's 'you actually paid for this study' news: Men can't read women's emotions   ( wrcbtv.com) divider line
    More: Obvious, theory of mind, male brain, emotions  
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4037 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Apr 2013 at 3:40 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-15 04:18:07 AM  
Damnit!
 
2013-04-15 04:20:30 AM  

FunkOut: I was thinking I am almost out of raspberry jam."


i293.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-15 04:21:47 AM  

FunkOut: A lot of people read other people's emotions wrong because they project their own ideas onto that person. They assume the other person is going to have emotions much like theirs. Kind of a crapshoot to be doing that. "I think you're angry because you're sitting there like that and doing this and I think you're angry because of this certain thing." And you're like "First, I'm not angry and second, I have no idea what you're talking about. I was thinking I am almost out of raspberry jam."


content8.flixster.com
 
2013-04-15 04:24:13 AM  
Men want things to be logical, we like things simple.  Most of the times if we don't say thank you or please for the nice dinner it's because we were not thinking.

A simple 'You could say thank you.' would suffice for most men who would then try  to remember for the next time.

The problem is it's usually not that easy because of these things called hormones.

It's a fact of life, hormones make you guys crazy at times. Male bs makes us dicks a lot of the times but we can learn to be less dickish.   It's pretty damn difficult from what I've seen to not sweat the small stuff when you have a chemical cocktail coursing through your veins.
 
2013-04-15 04:26:15 AM  
Men, don't try too hard to understand women.  Women understand women and they hate each other.
 
2013-04-15 04:30:52 AM  

FunkOut: A lot of people read other people's emotions wrong because they project their own ideas onto that person. They assume the other person is going to have emotions much like theirs. Kind of a crapshoot to be doing that. "I think you're angry because you're sitting there like that and doing this and I think you're angry because of this certain thing." And you're like "First, I'm not angry and second, I have no idea what you're talking about. I was thinking I am almost out of raspberry jam."


If I had a dollar for every time a friend thought I was doing rocket science in my head because of my facial expression.. when I was actually trying to decide whether to wake up early the next day to grab some donuts...
 
2013-04-15 04:31:21 AM  

Foxxinnia: So essentially all men are borderline autistic. Sounds about right.


No, we're just not overly emotional about every little thing.
 
2013-04-15 04:32:34 AM  
Is no one else jealous of the free MRI time?

I love MRIs! If there's one thing I want, it's more pictures of my brain.

I've only ever had one, and it was only a 1.5 Tesla. Hard to get insurance to pay for them.
 
2013-04-15 04:37:03 AM  
The problem is that men understand women all too well.  This makes them angry.
 
2013-04-15 04:40:33 AM  
Yes we can, it's just that we're busy having our own emotions at the same time.  We need to stop infantalizing women and tricking them into thinking they're being empowered.

/like showing us your tits really makes you stronger?
//sucker...
 
2013-04-15 04:40:52 AM  

Abacus9: Foxxinnia: So essentially all men are borderline autistic. Sounds about right.

No, we're just not overly emotional about every little thing.


I think most humans are emotional over what could be called little things. But you just disagree on which things are the right things to get emotional about.

"Amy told Sarah she hated my haircut after she told me it was cute! I have been betrayed!"

"Jimmy James totally committed a foul and the ref didn't call it! We should disembowel them both!"

"I worked 2 hours on this meal to present to you even though you didn't request it and now you have not given me the requisite emotional response which involves non-forced smiling, certain body language, and a verbal response expressing love for me for doing that uses a warm and welcoming tone. You must now consume this food while acting as though you enjoy it in order to prove you are a decent human being."
 
2013-04-15 04:43:36 AM  

HotWingAgenda: FunkOut: A lot of people read other people's emotions wrong because they project their own ideas onto that person. They assume the other person is going to have emotions much like theirs. Kind of a crapshoot to be doing that. "I think you're angry because you're sitting there like that and doing this and I think you're angry because of this certain thing." And you're like "First, I'm not angry and second, I have no idea what you're talking about. I was thinking I am almost out of raspberry jam."

If I had a dollar for every time a friend thought I was doing rocket science in my head because of my facial expression.. when I was actually trying to decide whether to wake up early the next day to grab some donuts...


Heh. "You seem very serious. Is...something wrong? You can tell me."

"Yeah...what was the name of that black guy that was Matlock's sidekick? It's driving me crazy and I don't want to give in to Google."
 
2013-04-15 04:50:43 AM  
Benevolent Misanthrope:

Not to say that lesbian relationships are perfect either, though.

When I think about the typical female behavior when there's an argument between a couple, I don't understand how lesbians aren't serial killers.
The guy is there to take the psychological (and sometimes physical) beating with a smile- he knows it's just not worth it to offer resistance. Evolution has given him the mental shield to block it out most of the time.
Two women having an argument in a relationship? I just hope they're never in charge of a standing army.
 
2013-04-15 05:00:07 AM  
It's a cliché that men just don't understand women.

Cliche?  CLICHE?  Its not a cliche if it is completely true more than %50 of the time....
 
2013-04-15 05:01:20 AM  
Read the article.  It says the studie showed men had more trouble judging women's emotions compared to to other men's emotions.

This study is not something to readily draw conclusions from though.  All they did was look at static, disembodied pictures of eyeballs.  Perhaps men judge women's emotions more from other parts of their face or body.

My guess would be that men would more easily read certain kinds of emotions from women and other kinds of emotions from other men.
 
2013-04-15 05:01:50 AM  
Well theres no accounting for crazy
 
2013-04-15 05:03:36 AM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: Speaking as a woman, I hate that passive-aggressive bullshiat. That and "If you don't know, then I'm not going to tell you."


I've reached the age where I know longer tolerate that shiat.  The last time a woman pulled that with me, I said, "fark that", and walked out.  I also don't putting up with those teenage level games of "I'm going to pretend to break up so you can prove you care by fighting to get me back."  She was a bit shocked when I said, 'we're done?  Bye."  And didn't call her.  I'm middle aged, not a damn teenager.   How hard is it to just be adults, for gods sakes?
 
2013-04-15 05:05:24 AM  

Dion Fortune: Read the article.  It says the studie showed men had more trouble judging women's emotions compared to to other men's emotions.

This study is not something to readily draw conclusions from though.  All they did was look at static, disembodied pictures of eyeballs.  Perhaps men judge women's emotions more from other parts of their face or body.

My guess would be that men would more easily read certain kinds of emotions from women and other kinds of emotions from other men.


Plus I dont think 22 men are statistically significant.

/not a statistician.
 
2013-04-15 05:07:36 AM  

OgreMagi: Benevolent Misanthrope: Speaking as a woman, I hate that passive-aggressive bullshiat. That and "If you don't know, then I'm not going to tell you."

I've reached the age where I know longer tolerate that shiat.  The last time a woman pulled that with me, I said, "fark that", and walked out.  I also don't putting up with those teenage level games of "I'm going to pretend to break up so you can prove you care by fighting to get me back."  She was a bit shocked when I said, 'we're done?  Bye."  And didn't call her.  I'm middle aged, not a damn teenager.   How hard is it to just be adults, for gods sakes?


Funny, when I say stuff like that, my friends always remind me that Im single.
 
2013-04-15 05:11:43 AM  

Steak_Cake_Sause: OgreMagi: Benevolent Misanthrope: Speaking as a woman, I hate that passive-aggressive bullshiat. That and "If you don't know, then I'm not going to tell you."

I've reached the age where I know longer tolerate that shiat.  The last time a woman pulled that with me, I said, "fark that", and walked out.  I also don't putting up with those teenage level games of "I'm going to pretend to break up so you can prove you care by fighting to get me back."  She was a bit shocked when I said, 'we're done?  Bye."  And didn't call her.  I'm middle aged, not a damn teenager.   How hard is it to just be adults, for gods sakes?

Funny, when I say stuff like that, my friends always remind me that Im single.


That's the downside of not putting up with the bullshiat.
 
2013-04-15 05:13:59 AM  

FunkOut: Abacus9: Foxxinnia: So essentially all men are borderline autistic. Sounds about right.

No, we're just not overly emotional about every little thing.

I think most humans are emotional over what could be called little things. But you just disagree on which things are the right things to get emotional about.

"Amy told Sarah she hated my haircut after she told me it was cute! I have been betrayed!"

"Jimmy James totally committed a foul and the ref didn't call it! We should disembowel them both!"

"I worked 2 hours on this meal to present to you even though you didn't request it and now you have not given me the requisite emotional response which involves non-forced smiling, certain body language, and a verbal response expressing love for me for doing that uses a warm and welcoming tone. You must now consume this food while acting as though you enjoy it in order to prove you are a decent human being."


That's not really what I mean. All of your examples are mildly irritating, but when I say "overly emotional" I'm talking about the proportionality of the response. It's not strange to get a little irked by these things, but if it ruins your whole day, then maybe you're overly emotional.

Let me add that you've never met my wife. She sometimes gets mad at me if she doesn't like something someone else says on TV or the radio. This is what I would call overly emotional.
 
2013-04-15 05:16:04 AM  
it's true, watching a chick flick is like watching a foreign language film without subtitles.
 
2013-04-15 05:16:06 AM  

OgreMagi: Steak_Cake_Sause: OgreMagi: Benevolent Misanthrope: Speaking as a woman, I hate that passive-aggressive bullshiat. That and "If you don't know, then I'm not going to tell you."

I've reached the age where I know longer tolerate that shiat.  The last time a woman pulled that with me, I said, "fark that", and walked out.  I also don't putting up with those teenage level games of "I'm going to pretend to break up so you can prove you care by fighting to get me back."  She was a bit shocked when I said, 'we're done?  Bye."  And didn't call her.  I'm middle aged, not a damn teenager.   How hard is it to just be adults, for gods sakes?

Funny, when I say stuff like that, my friends always remind me that Im single.

That's the downside of not putting up with the bullshiat.


I wouldn't really call it a downside considering the alternative.
 
2013-04-15 05:18:07 AM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: Seriously, guys, if you don't like the women you are farking, why stay with them?


After trying a few, they all go mental after they decide they can drop the act, normally about 3 weeks after you say "I love you" for the first time...

darkjezter: Men, don't try too hard to understand women.  Women understand women and they hate each other.


The women who don`t hate women just don`t understand them. Benevolent Misanthrope being a good example, loves women, doesn`t understand them.

If you understand women it becomes impossible to love them. Same as men. Problem is, most women understand most men...
 
2013-04-15 05:18:39 AM  
"I'm for comin' n goin', know what I mean, bro?"

--German eyeball researcher
 
2013-04-15 05:19:52 AM  

Abacus9: She sometimes gets mad at me if she doesn't like something someone else says on TV or the radio. This is what I would call overly emotional.


It's because you're not respecting her "family".

/obscure (not really)
 
2013-04-15 05:23:03 AM  
It's not that men can't read women's emotions, it's just that we really don't care.
 
2013-04-15 05:24:53 AM  

kxs401: This idea that women have some across-the-board tendency to "never tell what's wrong" breaks down when you note that the same people who ask this question also find themselves complaining about women's nagging, or the dreaded "can we talk" question, so it's pretty clear their women are pretty vocal about stating what's wrong in a variety of situations.


Pherhaps.


kxs401: But sometimes a woman won't answer that question, usually because she sees it as a no-win dilemma.


Then she shouldnt be throwing a biatch fit.


kxs401: The second possibility is that what you did wrong is so glaringly obvious (to her) that she realizes she has entered into a relationship with a man who cannot grasp a person's most basic needs without being given a laminated chart every day. She is envisioning a lifetime of constantly giving explanations about why it is wrong to skip her birthday to get drunk with his friends, or flirt with 16-year-olds in an online game. Why push that boulder up that hill today? It's not like she won't get to do it a thousand times more.


Sounds like shes not cut out for a long term relationship.


kxs401: A third possibility is that it's something she wanted you to do on your own initiative, like compliment her haircut or ask about her day. These things don't really mean a lot when done mechanically, which is what's going to happen if she says, "What's wrong is I wanted you to ask about my day," and you say, "Oh, of course, tell me about your day." That setup doesn't leave one convinced that you actually want to hear about her day. And compliments given on command are pretty worthless too.


Maybe shes with the wrong person. Or maybe its unreasonable to expect that. I dont get in a huff when friends dont ask about my day. If theres something I want to talk about, I bring it up myself.
 
2013-04-15 05:25:25 AM  

OgreMagi: Benevolent Misanthrope: Speaking as a woman, I hate that passive-aggressive bullshiat. That and "If you don't know, then I'm not going to tell you."

I've reached the age where I know longer tolerate that shiat.  The last time a woman pulled that with me, I said, "fark that", and walked out.  I also don't putting up with those teenage level games of "I'm going to pretend to break up so you can prove you care by fighting to get me back."  She was a bit shocked when I said, 'we're done?  Bye."  And didn't call her.  I'm middle aged, not a damn teenager.   How hard is it to just be adults, for gods sakes?


That makes me think of you as a middle age guy chasing around after women like, you know...a teenager.
 
2013-04-15 05:27:03 AM  
To the men: It's been stated already - Stop projecting, and enjoy a cold beverage.

To the women: I, too, know what it feels like to be thirsty. I too have had a dry mouth.
 
2013-04-15 05:28:38 AM  
This study is flawed and comes to the wrong conclusion.
Men DO understand woman, at least once they reach a certain age.  What they understand is this: women are generally selfish and irrational.  And they lie.  So when they show a man a picture of a woman's eyes, they can't say "this is a look of terror" because men have learned that a womans emotional communication is usually not even close to whatever crazy thing they are actually feeling, but in the end it will be some sort of petty self centered way of manipulating the man.
Think about it: that picture is not actually a picture of terror, it is a picture of someone acting like they are in terror.  You cannot actually read an actors face, and since most women are acting so much, men don't benefit from being able to distinguish emotions on a woman's face.
 
2013-04-15 05:31:00 AM  
officeforward.com
 
2013-04-15 05:31:43 AM  
onecrazylay:  To the women: I, too, know what it feels like to be thirsty. I too have had a dry mouth.

lulz. Like 15 years ago, my buddies and I would sometimes go to this Taco Bell that had an employee who sounded like Rosie Perez. She did not enjoy when we asked if they had any foods that stahted wit' da lettah Q.

Good times.
 
2013-04-15 05:32:26 AM  

SpaceBison: It's not that men can't read women's emotions, it's just that we really don't care.


Don't... "Don't care?"
 
2013-04-15 05:38:04 AM  

luxup: OgreMagi: Benevolent Misanthrope: Speaking as a woman, I hate that passive-aggressive bullshiat. That and "If you don't know, then I'm not going to tell you."

I've reached the age where I know longer tolerate that shiat.  The last time a woman pulled that with me, I said, "fark that", and walked out.  I also don't putting up with those teenage level games of "I'm going to pretend to break up so you can prove you care by fighting to get me back."  She was a bit shocked when I said, 'we're done?  Bye."  And didn't call her.  I'm middle aged, not a damn teenager.   How hard is it to just be adults, for gods sakes?

That makes me think of you as a middle age guy chasing around after women like, you know...a teenager.


Oh, hell no.  They're too annoying.  My problem is with women who should have grown out of that phase a long time ago, but haven't.  I figure I just have bad luck and not all women are like that.
 
2013-04-15 05:42:09 AM  
Abacus9:
That's not really what I mean. All of your examples are mildly irritating, but when I say "overly emotional" I'm talking about the proportionality of the response. It's not strange to get a little irked by these things, but if it ruins your whole day, then maybe you're overly emotional.

Let me add that you've never met my wife. She sometimes gets mad at me if she doesn't like something someone else says on TV or the radio. This is what I would call overly emotional.


Ah, I see. That last example I gave, about the meal, I have had a male and a female go completely nutso concerning that to me. "I COOKED YOU THIS FOOD AND YOU ARE NOT EMOTING ENOUGH ABOUT MY GIFT TO YOU! YOU DON'T LOVE ME!"  They're ready to flip the dinner table over because you didn't "sound" happy enough.
 
2013-04-15 05:42:36 AM  

Steak_Cake_Sause: or the dreaded "can we talk" question,


All too often "can we talk" just means, "I'm going to biatch at you."  "Talk" implies a discussion.  Really what she meant was, "I'm going to lecture you."

When my ex and I went a a marriage counselor, one week she would say one thing, then the next week the exact opposite.  Even the counselor caller her out on that.  Which, of course, meant it was time to find a new marriage counselor.
 
2013-04-15 05:42:38 AM  

R.A.Danny: And men are never dicks.


The one mitigating factor about men being dicks (we are) is that you almost always know where you stand. It's why you'll often hear straight men bemoaning not having been born gay so as to have avoided a lifetime of cryptic comments or passive-aggressive notes left on the fridge. When a man is irritated, you know it. And it's typically over as soon as it starts.

I can't recall a single time in my life where I've used a girlfriend's forgetting to feed the dog once in 2004 as the basis of an argument I had just last week. That's just not how the majority of us are wired. And we treat other males the same way: Argument today - one pays the whole bar tab tomorrow.

Male deception is also comparably simple. In fact, the simplicity is the only reason we do it, because everyone knows we can't multi-task. A majority of women, in my experience, prefer the convoluted web of deceit over the basic, blunt "Nah baby I was over at Frank's watching the game."

Going back to the "bringing up ancient slights, no matter how minor, in a current argument years later" thing: I had a long-term, live-in GF and we decided to move across town. The day we were to clean up the old apartment was July 4th. She knew that friends of mine had a big BBQ planned, and offered me to go, saying that all that was left was a quick mop and vacuum (we had both cleaned the bathroom and kitchen days prior). So after the requisite, "Are you sure? because it's just a BBQ. I don't want you doing that by yourself" routine, she more or less insisted I have fun with friends, and that she would join later.

YEARS LATER...literally YEARS LATER we're in some stupid argument about god knows what and she brings up that I was too inconsiderate to help her clean the old apartment. So I'm all, "Why don't you just tell me what you're actually angry about, INSTEAD OF MAKING ME GUESS EVERY TIME?" Maybe then I can correct whatever it is that I'm doing wrong. I know it had nothing to do with mopping a floor lo those years ago.

Thing is, she wasn't the first, and wasn't the last to pull this stunt. So ladies, if you want men to read your emotions, maybe try talking to us? If you're angry that I left my socks on the floor, will you just tell me instead of bringing it up the next time you can't decide where you want to go for dinner?

Understand that these are just anecdotal examples. But fark, I'm on the wrong side of 30. and though I've not conducted any legitimate studies, It's not exactly my first rodeo.
 
2013-04-15 05:44:04 AM  

SpaceBison: [officeforward.com image 406x1023]


Why did they use a lesbian head? And why are all the faces various stages of passing gas?
 
2013-04-15 05:44:34 AM  

OgreMagi: luxup: OgreMagi: Benevolent Misanthrope: Speaking as a woman, I hate that passive-aggressive bullshiat. That and "If you don't know, then I'm not going to tell you."

I've reached the age where I know longer tolerate that shiat.  The last time a woman pulled that with me, I said, "fark that", and walked out.  I also don't putting up with those teenage level games of "I'm going to pretend to break up so you can prove you care by fighting to get me back."  She was a bit shocked when I said, 'we're done?  Bye."  And didn't call her.  I'm middle aged, not a damn teenager.   How hard is it to just be adults, for gods sakes?

That makes me think of you as a middle age guy chasing around after women like, you know...a teenager.

Oh, hell no.  They're too annoying.  My problem is with women who should have grown out of that phase a long time ago, but haven't.  I figure I just have bad luck and not all women are like that.


Or all the good ones are taken already and your left with the dregs?

/lots of post from me tonight. cant sleep.
 
2013-04-15 05:50:11 AM  

dickfreckle: It's why you'll often hear straight men bemoaning not having been born gay so as to have avoided a lifetime of cryptic comments or passive-aggressive notes left on the fridge.


Speaking as a straight man who has had his share of gay friends... gay guys make cryptic comments to their boyfriends all the time.  And it bugs the hell out of them.
 
2013-04-15 05:54:35 AM  

OgreMagi: Steak_Cake_Sause: or the dreaded "can we talk" question,

All too often "can we talk" just means, "I'm going to biatch at you."  "Talk" implies a discussion.  Really what she meant was, "I'm going to lecture you."

When my ex and I went a a marriage counselor, one week she would say one thing, then the next week the exact opposite.  Even the counselor caller her out on that.  Which, of course, meant it was time to find a new marriage counselor.


She sounds immature if she cant acknowledge she was doing that.
 
2013-04-15 05:56:00 AM  

FunkOut: Abacus9:
That's not really what I mean. All of your examples are mildly irritating, but when I say "overly emotional" I'm talking about the proportionality of the response. It's not strange to get a little irked by these things, but if it ruins your whole day, then maybe you're overly emotional.

Let me add that you've never met my wife. She sometimes gets mad at me if she doesn't like something someone else says on TV or the radio. This is what I would call overly emotional.

Ah, I see. That last example I gave, about the meal, I have had a male and a female go completely nutso concerning that to me. "I COOKED YOU THIS FOOD AND YOU ARE NOT EMOTING ENOUGH ABOUT MY GIFT TO YOU! YOU DON'T LOVE ME!"  They're ready to flip the dinner table over because you didn't "sound" happy enough.


We've been through that one too, but not as much as the people you're talking about. If she cooks dinner for us, and I don't want any, she just gets a little disappointed about it and sometimes acts like I don't like her cooking. So I try to eat anything she makes me, and she is a good cook, I'm just not always hungry, and I don't like some of the things she makes.
 
2013-04-15 05:56:38 AM  

SpaceBison: [officeforward.com image 406x1023]


From left to right, top to bottom:

Smells a fart, concentrating on work/athletic endeavor, confused and bewildered
knows something you don't know which she thinks is funny, courtesy smile, thinking about sex
sad puppy face, dropping a deuce, about to jam a foot up someone's ass
"oh shiat I just made a mistake" face, pissed off but not willing to negotiate, blank expression
 
2013-04-15 05:58:00 AM  
Bullshiat.  I know angry dish washing when I hear it.
 
2013-04-15 05:58:50 AM  
I've never understood the expectation that everyone is a mind-reader, especially your SO.  Hell, I've apologized to my bf when I've not communicated clearly and tried to clear up any misconceptions without getting pissed.  If I didn't understand what he was saying, I asked for clarification.
 
2013-04-15 05:59:42 AM  
Am I the only one who finds this a creepy and unwarranted conclusion?

The findings suggest that men are worse at reading women's emotions. This "theory of mind" is one of the foundations for empathy, so the deficit could lead men to have less empathy for women relative to men, the researchers write.

A fMRI merely tracks blood flow and ascribing very specific meaning to brain processes based on how much blood is going somewhere is questionable at best.
 
2013-04-15 06:05:27 AM  

Dion Fortune: This study is not something to readily draw conclusions from though.  All they did was look at static, disembodied pictures of eyeballs.  Perhaps men judge women's emotions more from other parts of their face or body.


Men look at women's eyes???
 
2013-04-15 06:05:51 AM  

DerAppie: Am I the only one who finds this a creepy and unwarranted conclusion?

The findings suggest that men are worse at reading women's emotions. This "theory of mind" is one of the foundations for empathy, so the deficit could lead men to have less empathy for women relative to men, the researchers write.

A fMRI merely tracks blood flow and ascribing very specific meaning to brain processes based on how much blood is going somewhere is questionable at best.


I see what you did there. And I'm offended. :{
 
2013-04-15 06:07:00 AM  

HotWingAgenda: dickfreckle: It's why you'll often hear straight men bemoaning not having been born gay so as to have avoided a lifetime of cryptic comments or passive-aggressive notes left on the fridge.

Speaking as a straight man who has had his share of gay friends... gay guys make cryptic comments to their boyfriends all the time.  And it bugs the hell out of them.


Yeah, but I bet they will still blow each other.
 
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