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(NBC Chicago)   Alcohol free bar set to open in the NW Chicago suburb Crystal Lake. No, I didn't say free alcohol, I said alcohol free. Doesn't matter anyways, Jason will get you   (nbcchicago.com) divider line 84
    More: Stupid, NW Chicago, Chicago metropolitan area, McHenry County, pool tables, open mic  
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4151 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Apr 2013 at 6:42 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-14 07:57:50 PM

hubiestubert: kiwimoogle84: I can see it appealing to Mormon relatives of mine. Like my sister- she doesn't drink and isn't comfortable with the bar scene, but she loves billiards and darts.

Dated a Mormon for a bit, and we hit an English style pub fair often--she had a huge thing for HP sauce--and the not drinking, but being social wasn't a bad thing. Then again, she waited tables, so she was sort of inured to the bar scene. Also more than a little wild at heart, so she fit in just fine even without a cocktail or beer in her hand.


The only Mormon I knew was a girl in high school. I got her drunk for the first time. Wine coolers, FTW.

/csb
 
2013-04-14 07:58:08 PM

proton: ThatGuyFromTheInternet: proton: Yes.  Stupid indeed.  Lets make a bar where people who don't indulge in the most damaging substance to society can mingle.

0/10. We know all that heroin and your mom's messy vaginal discharge exist.

Heroin is not does not cause more damage to society than Alcohol.  Perhaps a little time spent on researching the matter would have saved you the embarrassment of this ban worthy post.


In total people killed maybe.  But those killed vs. total users, alcohol is way safer and much more delicious.  Especially compared to your mom's messy vaginal discharge.
 
2013-04-14 08:08:23 PM
As long as you don't smoke weed or have sex, you'll survive.
 
2013-04-14 08:08:34 PM
11:23 p.m., Saturday, May 27th, 2013:

www.avolites.org.uk

Three hours and 27 minutes before the "mysterious" electrical fire burns the place down.
 
2013-04-14 08:09:44 PM

redmid17: Smeggy Smurf: redmid17: Smeggy Smurf: Popcorn Johnny: Which means it will be overrun by teenagers in no time.

Which is not unlike the bars being overrun by early 20's douchebags in no time

/why do douchebags pile into country bars at midnight?

Hey I get there well before midnight!

then stay in your bar and out of mine

Jesus Mr. Butthurt. It was supposed to be a joke but clearly your precious little snowflake self couldn't handle it. There aren't exactly a lot of country bars in Chicago, so feel free to drink alone in your closet. You clearly don't mind being alone.


Jesus Mr. Broken Snark Detector, get over yourself.  It was supposed to be a smartass comment but clearly your defective mind can't detect it.  There aren't exactly a lot of jackwagons in Boise so feel free to do whatever it is you do in the closet.  None of us want to know.
 
2013-04-14 08:12:34 PM

Smeggy Smurf: redmid17: Smeggy Smurf: redmid17: Smeggy Smurf: Popcorn Johnny: Which means it will be overrun by teenagers in no time.

Which is not unlike the bars being overrun by early 20's douchebags in no time

/why do douchebags pile into country bars at midnight?

Hey I get there well before midnight!

then stay in your bar and out of mine

Jesus Mr. Butthurt. It was supposed to be a joke but clearly your precious little snowflake self couldn't handle it. There aren't exactly a lot of country bars in Chicago, so feel free to drink alone in your closet. You clearly don't mind being alone.

Jesus Mr. Broken Snark Detector, get over yourself.  It was supposed to be a smartass comment but clearly your defective mind can't detect it.  There aren't exactly a lot of jackwagons in Boise so feel free to do whatever it is you do in the closet.  None of us want to know.


Wow that comment made almost no sense and sounds a lot like backtracking....

/there was no way that was a smartass comment
 
2013-04-14 08:44:13 PM
If it works out, they'll expand and open a restaurant with no food.
 
2013-04-14 08:47:43 PM
redsquid
Where do normal folks who don't drink hang out?

At home?
 
2013-04-14 08:55:46 PM

The Pope of Manwich Village: 11:23 p.m., Saturday, May 27th, 2013:



Three hours and 27 minutes before the "mysterious" electrical fire burns the place down.


Well it's run by a non-profit that also runs a high end treatment center so an empty room could be written off as a(n inflated) loss, failure is a win
 
2013-04-14 08:56:29 PM
So they're pretty much Bronzing it then.

images2.wikia.nocookie.net

/at least until the vampires show up
 
2013-04-14 09:07:23 PM

MacWizard: If it works out, they'll expand and open a restaurant with no food.


Right behind the brothel with no whores?
 
2013-04-14 09:18:34 PM

Gyrfalcon: MacWizard: If it works out, they'll expand and open a restaurant with no food.

Right behind the brothel with no whores?


But the Tilted Kilt serves beer...
 
2013-04-14 09:20:22 PM

Gyrfalcon: Wouldn't an "alcohol-free bar" be a...restaurant?


Even worse, it could end up being... a "family" restaurant.
 
2013-04-14 09:24:42 PM
Sounds like a fun place, and by fun I mean no way in hell.
 
2013-04-14 09:30:40 PM
Something tells me that the draw for alcoholics was not somewhere to hear crappy local bands and play ping pong, but the actual alcohol that is served at a bar.  Why not open a crack house with no crack?
 
2013-04-14 09:39:00 PM
As someone who lived in Crystal Lake for a few years, this doesn't surprise me. It's too far from the Chicago to be an actual suburb but isn't exactly rural either.
 
2013-04-14 09:51:58 PM
Enjoy your creeping Sharia, America.
 
2013-04-14 09:58:45 PM

Gyrfalcon: MacWizard: If it works out, they'll expand and open a restaurant with no food.

Right behind the brothel with no whores?


And a casino with no gambling.
 
2013-04-14 09:59:02 PM

proton: ThatGuyFromTheInternet: proton: Yes.  Stupid indeed.  Lets make a bar where people who don't indulge in the most damaging substance to society can mingle.

0/10. We know all that heroin and your mom's messy vaginal discharge exist.

Heroin is not does not cause more damage to society than Alcohol.  Perhaps a little time spent on researching the matter would have saved you the embarrassment of this ban worthy post.


Speaking of damage....BTW, I will upgrade you to 2/10, simply because I'm bored enough to keep biting.

redsquid: normal folks who don't drink


How do I put this gently?
 
2013-04-14 10:05:31 PM
I'd give this a try or ten. I could use a place designed to hang out that isn't a bar.
 
2013-04-14 10:05:50 PM

ThatGuyFromTheInternet: redsquid: normal folks who don't drink

How do I put this gently?


I know, I know...
 
2013-04-14 10:13:38 PM
Here in VA, non-alcoholic beer can be purchased and consumed by minors, but ABC licensees are actively discouraged from even mentioning that fact to their customers.
 
2013-04-14 10:21:00 PM

wambu: Here in VA, non-alcoholic beer can be purchased and consumed by minors, but ABC licensees are actively discouraged from even mentioning that fact to their customers.


So Kinderbier and kodomo-no-nomimono?
 
2013-04-14 10:52:21 PM

aimtastic: The bar intends to unite the area's sober community, as well as others wanting to enjoy substance-free fun, and give sober people more than just a movie theater or park for entertainment.

Or pretty much every single other establishment and attraction in the world except for bars?

I suppose it could be a good step for people in recovery to be in that kind of environment without the availability of alcohol, in order to work their way up to socializing (without partaking) in places that do serve alcohol. But it seems more likely that it would just trigger cravings that would have gone untriggered at the millions of other booze free places in the world.


Just think of all the sparkling water with a lime squeeze they will sell though. Its not a sterotype if its true.
Seriously- knows an ex drunk who drinks half a gallon of lime perrier a day
 
2013-04-14 11:46:25 PM

alienated: Just think of all the sparkling water with a lime squeeze they will sell though.


Ha! Is it really that common? *goes off to get another sparkling water with lime*
 
2013-04-15 12:41:45 AM

chitownmike: The Pope of Manwich Village: 11:23 p.m., Saturday, May 27th, 2013:

Three hours and 27 minutes before the "mysterious" electrical fire burns the place down.

Well it's run by a non-profit that also runs a high end treatment center so an empty room could be written off as a(n inflated) loss, failure is a win

chabrieres.pagesperso-orange.fr

All you need is MILK to have a good time, droogie!
 
2013-04-15 01:19:51 AM

Gough: Crystal Lake is a suburb??  It was surrounded my farmland when I fled the Midwest.


It's a Chicago suburb if an hour's drive counts.

/Dad used to live in village near Crystal Lake on Elm Street.
//Nightmares aplenty as a kid.
 
2013-04-15 02:53:24 AM
Where that first Friday the 13th movie was filmed.

MAN did we have fun mucking with the younger kids.
 
2013-04-15 04:19:32 AM
Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Jason always wait to attack until after everybody had a few drinks? So shouldn't a bar with no alcohol be pretty much the safest place in Crystal Lake?
 
2013-04-15 04:32:45 AM
I don't get the people saying that this is a bad idea for recovering alcoholics. If you're not religious where should you go to socialize? The grocery store, book store, and gym are good for 20 minutes to an hour, but striking up a conversation with someone who is genuinely shopping or working out is just going to make you look like a creep. Going to church just to socialize would make me feel sleazy.

I think this is a great idea. I don't think it's going to make a pile of money, but I could be wrong. If you sell some food and make sure it is top notch you should be able to get by just on food. Then have a few signature frozen dessert type drinks, some really good coffee, and maybe some fresh squeezed organic cocktails... Keep the lighting at a nice medium level and maybe invest in a couple of shuffleboards, etc. Pool would be nice, but sometimes pool tabes will attract the wrong clientele. Depending on the location of your establishment and the clientele you want to attract it is a possibility, anyway. (You're going to need something to keep people in the place.)

If I was running the place I'd make sure to include some low-sugar, low-fat items. You're going after small non-drinking subgroups; some people don't drink because they have drinking problems, some because of health issues. If you're running a place that doesn't serve booze you need to attract all non-drinking subgroups or you'll have an empty bar.

One of the biggest groups of non-drinkers are religious types. Baptists, Muslims, Sikhs, and many other religions could be good clients. Make sure you get the word out to them.

Personally, I would try to keep it from being too "kid-friendly", but if you have the room and inclination you could try to have a supervised play area adjoining.

Having said all that:
Since it is being run by a group specializing in addiction recovery, the place is starting out with a stigma that will keep all of the religious, health-couscious, "non-drinking parent" types from going there. So, basically, forget everything I just said. Throw a bunch of pool tables in there and serve the greasiest grub you can churn out. Make sure you have ample supplies of coffee and cigarettes and a smoking area--you're going to need 'em. The good news: you might be able to get by just on cigarette sales.

Oh yeah. Might want to make sure some douche doesn't hang out in the bathroom selling synthetic marijuana and bath salts or you'll end up face-down in the alley with your face being digested by some recovering tweeker with an 8-ball tattooed on his throat.
 
2013-04-15 04:39:09 AM

proton: ThatGuyFromTheInternet: proton: Yes.  Stupid indeed.  Lets make a bar where people who don't indulge in the most damaging substance to society can mingle.

0/10. We know all that heroin and your mom's messy vaginal discharge exist.

Heroin is not does not cause more damage to society than Alcohol.  Perhaps a little time spent on researching the matter would have saved you the embarrassment of this ban worthy post.


Not as a whole, but if as many people used heroin as drink alcohol: the problems caused by heroin would dwarf those caused by alcohol.
 
2013-04-15 08:17:45 AM
Just name it a juice bar and have 5 to 6 teenagers wearing blue, red, black, yellow, pink, and green shirts.  The same colors on the same teens.  Every day.  Just to draw the geek crowds,and random cheesy monsters who destroy the same buildings over and over again.
 
2013-04-15 11:30:53 AM

Gough: Crystal Lake is a suburb??  It was surrounded my farmland when I fled the Midwest.


From that area.  My city takes great offense when it's called a suburb of Chicago.  Though they get more lenient about it for people who are from farther away.  They'll shrug it away if someone from Hong Kong calls the city a suburb of Chicago but people from Wisconsin should really know better.

Yeah, Illinois is all urban sprawl now.  Check the Illinois entry in The Onion Atlas.
 
2013-04-15 12:51:45 PM
I'm a recovering alcoholic who has been sober for over 5 years. I'm sorry to say, but this can not be ignored any longer; that is the funniest headline I've read in in years.

In my sober, no-fun, O'Doulie opinion.
 
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