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(Deadspin)   How to make a Pimento Cheese sandwich the right way   (deadspin.com) divider line 83
    More: Spiffy, grilled cheese sandwiches, pimento cheese, red bell pepper, Augusta National, shredded cheese, Cap'n Crunch, roasts  
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9576 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Apr 2013 at 5:45 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-14 03:51:35 PM
Step 1: Instruct the woman of the house to get in the kitchen
 
2013-04-14 03:55:40 PM
Add bacon?
 
2013-04-14 03:59:35 PM

basemetal: Add bacon?


And subtract the pimento cheese.
 
2013-04-14 04:41:06 PM
Is pimento really that hard to find? Granted I haven't purchased it but a handful of times, but I've never had to make more than one stop to get it.
 
2013-04-14 04:45:59 PM
I didn't bother reading all that as I realized the guy didn't know what he was talking about as roasting peppers (bell or otherwise) is one of the easiest cooking things to do and this is coming from possibly the least patient cook on the planet.

Turn on the gas stove hold the pepper in the flame (use tongs if you are a clutz like myself) until it blisters and blackens turning it as needed, put peppers in a paper bag for about ten minutes while they cool and peel.  It also imparts a lovely smokey flavor.
 
2013-04-14 05:23:56 PM
Don't.
 
2013-04-14 05:30:38 PM
If the guys in MASH can get their hands on pimentos to stuff in their olives in the middle of war torn Korea, I'm sure you can find them in the USofA
 
2013-04-14 05:48:39 PM

Chariset: Don't.

 
2013-04-14 05:52:31 PM
Combine wall of text with no pictures... Your blog sucks.
 
2013-04-14 05:54:14 PM

Krymson Tyde: Is pimento really that hard to find? Granted I haven't purchased it but a handful of times, but I've never had to make more than one stop to get it.


Was gonna say. Not sure where this guy shops but I've never had any trouble finding a jar at the store.
 
2013-04-14 05:54:55 PM
I stopped reading at "exclusionary cracker-nostalgia amusement park".  Substitute the n-word for "cracker" and Spike Lee would publish his home address.
/So Condoleezza Rice is a cracker now?
 
2013-04-14 05:54:58 PM
What about a Pimentaco?
 
2013-04-14 05:55:42 PM
I'll bet that is seriously good, but Goddamn is that guy's writing style annoying as hell.
 
2013-04-14 05:55:44 PM

Snaps: Combine wall of text with no pictures... Your blog sucks.

 
2013-04-14 05:58:51 PM

brap: I didn't bother reading all that as I realized the guy didn't know what he was talking about as roasting peppers (bell or otherwise) is one of the easiest cooking things to do and this is coming from possibly the least patient cook on the planet.

Turn on the gas stove hold the pepper in the flame (use tongs if you are a clutz like myself) until it blisters and blackens turning it as needed, put peppers in a paper bag for about ten minutes while they cool and peel.  It also imparts a lovely smokey flavor.


Wrap the peppers in paper towel and put in a plastic bag until cool enough to handle, most of the charred skin will stick to the wet paper towel, lot less of a mess.
 
2013-04-14 05:59:07 PM

uttertosh: Snaps: Combine wall of text with no pictures... Your blog sucks.


He must be getting paid by the word.
 
2013-04-14 06:01:52 PM
Couldn't even get through the second paragraph.  I clicked on the link to read thoughts on food, not some trying-too-hard screed about a golf tournament.

My wife makes excellent pimento cheese sandwiches, FWIW.  Keep it simple - extra sharp cheddar, pimentoes, cream cheese, garlic salt, grated white onion.
 
2013-04-14 06:03:23 PM
This guy was smoking meth or something before writing that article...way too many unnecessary asides. Sounds decent though.
 
2013-04-14 06:06:19 PM
I can state for a fact, pimentos aren't as easy to find as they farking should be.   I was in the Downtown Charleston, SC Piggly Wiggly, and they didn't have any.  Buzzy, you let me down, boy.

Yes, I did buy a giant jar of olives, and yes, I did remove all the farking pimentos.  I was desperate, but not desperate enough to use bell peppers.
 
2013-04-14 06:07:21 PM
This guy sounds like a hipster getting paid by the word.  Stopped reading when he just started describing what it is.
 
2013-04-14 06:08:54 PM
unreadable article.

'mento cheese is not sposed to be hard to make. It's slap-together picnic food.

Put stuff in it that you know you like. I use sharp cheddar, red bell pepper, a tiny bit of vidalia, and mayo. Note that there are no pimentos but folks are fooled -- and delighted -- by the red bell.

Then you put it on a good burger. Oh yeah.
 
2013-04-14 06:10:41 PM
Smoke a spliff, add potato chips, an egg and a sliced dill pickle.

/don't ask how I know this
 
2013-04-14 06:13:05 PM
The article was freaking hilarious, and I actually want to make his stupid pimento-free pimento cheese sandwiches. o.o

LEARN TO READ, IT IS WORTH IT SOMETIMES
 
2013-04-14 06:13:20 PM
Directions to make ANY sandwich should not take more than one page.


TLDR
 
2013-04-14 06:16:48 PM
img855.imageshack.us
 
2013-04-14 06:16:55 PM
Step 1: Go to the store and buy a tub of pimento cheese spread and a loaf of bread.
Step 2: Make sammiches.

If you don't like the sammiches, have another drink or smoke. They will be delicious at some point.
 
2013-04-14 06:16:59 PM
If your pimento cheese doesn't contain pimento, it's not pimento cheese.

I'm sure it's delicious, and I'm sure it's totally better in every way.  But it isn't pimento cheese, and thus isn't the "right way" to make pimento cheese.
 
2013-04-14 06:17:16 PM
"You get my Cheez Whiz boy?!?"

/ Holy WOT
 
2013-04-14 06:20:09 PM

Descartes:


God damn Emma Watson is gross. Doesn't surprise me that Pokemon fans like her.
 
2013-04-14 06:20:25 PM
Pleased to meet you, Yakko, name's Francis Pumphandle, but everyone calls me Pip.

Yakko: Great cheese balls, huh Pip?

I'll say. Cheese balls are one of my all-time favorite foods. I always seem to meet the most interesting people when I'm around them, too. In fact, cheese balls bring to mind the time I met Bob Barker.

Yakko: You don't say...

Yes, indeed -- Bob Barker, star of the most popular morning game show. He's an emcee, a host and a celebrity all rolled into one. Anyway, eight months ago, it was Tuesday the 17th, I believe, or it might have been the 18th -- no, no, it was definitely the 17th, because it was precisely one week after my Aunt Lucretia's birthday, which is the 10th. Aunt Lucretia's quite a woman -- loves to cook. She prepares a fabulous [war-shoo-off] -- that's a Chinese duck dish. I love Chinese food. I once went to a party where they served Chinese food and cheese balls. Now that was a Catch-22 situation. Catch-22 was a movie, you know. It was long -- VERY long. They say the book was better, but it was a novel, and I never finish reading those things. Of course, a lot of people don't read much nowadays; they watch television. I caught a program on PBS last night -- a very good show on chimpanzees in the media. They had a clip of [Jay Fred Mug and a chimp] on the Today Show, but it was Fred's chimpanzee's girlfriend that had me stumped. I couldn't remember her name, so I looked it up. Her name was Fibi B. Bibi.

Yakko: Dot Warner, this is Francis Pumphandle, but...

Pip and Yakko: everyone calls me Pip.

Anyway, as I was saying, eight months ago, Tuesday the 17th, I went downtown on a nice relaxing stroll. I love to relax. In fact, relaxing is a hobby of mine. Some people play golf, others like tennis, horseshoes, bridge, canasta, and other such fancy hobbies.

Dot: Wakko-meet-Pip-bye!

Darned to meetcha. Now another hobby enjoyed by many is knitting. My grandmother was a great knitter -- knitted this sweater I'm wearing. It's red, which is not my favorite color. I prefer mauve or a mustard yellow. Now, don't get me wrong, red is o.k. for ties and suspenders, but with sweaters I prefer more neutral colors. But when I'm relaxing, I don't care WHAT I wear -- long pants, bermuda shorts, t-shirts, or formal attire, you name it -- anything goes. Now, on the 17th, during my relaxing stroll, I recall wearing my herringbone jacket, my Laughlin, Nevada souvenir tie, and my charcoal grey slacks -- or was it the navy slacks? Oh, I suppose it doesn't really matter, does it? What matters is comfort. You know, I once stayed at a Comfort Inn -- warm, cozy, comfortable. I love comfort. It goes along with that pastime of mine -- relaxing. Now, for me, there's nothing more relaxing than a nice leisurely stroll like the one I took eight months ago on the 17th. It was a bright, sunny day, which of course is the optimum condition for relaxed strolling. And as I walked along, I found myself humming a haunting melody. I kept humming and humming and humming and humming. I couldn't get the tune out of my head. I racked my brain to come up with the title, but to no avail. You see, I'm not terribly musical -- and yet, I'd always wanted to play a musical instrument and be like my musical hero, Leo Sayer. But who can compete with Leo? I think I was just scared I'd fail. Well, I decided right then and there to go buy a musical instrument. So on the particular Tuesday the 17th to which I was referring, I went down to the Sixth Street Musical Emporium to buy a new tambourine, a terribly soothing instrument contrary to popular opinion. And as I was strolling along, I detected a wonderful scent in the morning air. "What could it be?" I asked myself. So I went toward that marvelous scent, distracted by its aroma from my musical mission. The odor was a mix of orchid flowers and bologna, which, of course, is one of the world's most underappreciated luncheon meats -- that and pimento loaf. I love a good pimento-loaf-and-mayo sandwich -- the more pimentos, the better. Why just the mention of pimentos makes my taste buds stand up and say "Howdy". Now there's an interesting word -- "howdy". Is it from "How are you?", or maybe "How ya doing?" "Howdy"'s one of those strange words that really HAS no origin. I like saying, "How do" more than "Howdy" -- more formal, I think -- not too flowery. But the flowery aroma of that particular Tuesday morning carried me on my fragrant quest. Now, the smell was actually less bologna and more orchid, the beautiful flower found on the island state of Hawaii. Of course, I wasn't in Hawaii, so I needed to search out the location of the nearest orchid. So, I visited every flower shop in town. Well, to make a long story short, not a SINGLE flower shop in town had ANY orchids in stock, which seemed mighty curious to me. Now, as we all know, curiosity killed the cat, but since I'm not feline, I wasn't too worried. Felines are funny creatures, don't you think? I had a cat once. It used its claws to tear my living room couch to shreds. It was a comfy couch, too -- had a sleepaway bed in it with a foam rubber mattress. Now, I bought the couch AND the mattress at Levine's department store on Third Avenue the very same afternoon of that relaxing stroll aforementioned. I also bought myself a lovely tambourine on that same shopping expedition. Anyway, I didn't want to pay extra for the delivery of the couch, so I decided to carry the couch home myself. It was quite cumbersome, and getting it through the store's revolving doors was a bit of a challenge. And just as I emerged onto the street, by accident I bumped into a well-dressed man with an orchid in his lapel. It was Bob Barker, and he was eating and bologna-and-cheese-ball sandwich. Well, it's been nice chatting with you. Bye!
 
2013-04-14 06:22:45 PM
I see why they hired this kid - he got his degree from the Drew Magary School of "Writing".
 
2013-04-14 06:23:31 PM
Or:

img4-1.southernliving.timeinc.net

Spread on bread, eat.
 
2013-04-14 06:24:40 PM
There's no need to blaspheme in a culinary article.
 
2013-04-14 06:32:23 PM
Pretty damned long recipe for a fooking sandwich.
 
2013-04-14 06:35:50 PM
<a target="_blank" data-cke-saved-href="http://www.fark.com/users/Zarquon%27s%20Flat%20Te " id="cu83611272">Zarquon's Flat Tire .  You are entirely correct.  Walmart and Costco sell that perfection here in NC.  They also have a bacon flavored one!
 
2013-04-14 06:36:02 PM
There is a lot of unnecessary filler to wade through to get to the point. Why not write it in typical recipe form, and leave all the "witty" comments out, or at the very least, in separate section?
 
2013-04-14 06:37:33 PM
This is bullshiat. Period.
 
2013-04-14 06:39:37 PM
I don't know what the hell he's making, but his cheese spread is not pimento cheese.
 
2013-04-14 06:40:10 PM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Descartes:

God damn Emma Watson is gross..


lol wut?
 
2013-04-14 06:44:11 PM
Umad Yankee?
 
2013-04-14 06:47:23 PM
Now this is one I throw my hands in the air.
tl;dr for pimento cheese.
Go to the local grocery deli, save yourself some grief.
 
2013-04-14 06:57:18 PM
I enjoyed reading it.

Recipe sounds good.
 
2013-04-14 06:57:30 PM

Forsythe P. Jones: Now this is one I throw my hands in the air.
tl;dr for pimento cheese.
Go to the local grocery deli, save yourself some grief.


It's so freakin easy. It takes me about 10 minutes total. This dumbass is pretentious and stupid all mixed together.
 
2013-04-14 06:57:34 PM
As a red-blooded 'Merican by birth, and a true Southerner by the grace of God, I found this piker's lack of style an affront to mankind generally, and Southerners, specifically.

A pimento-cheese sandwich is what you eat when there is nothing else in the 'frige.

There is nothing special about it.  Never has been,  Never will be.

It is simply red-speckled-cheese-spread on Wonder bread.  Anything else is pretentious.
 
2013-04-14 06:58:21 PM

Chariset: Don't.


I came here to say the exact same thing. Since someone else beat me to it:

Remember one party in university... had drunk quite abit. There were pimento cheese sandwiches. Ate one and promptly threw up.

Ever since... when trying to eat one I have to stifle vomiting. Pimento chese even before then always taste like vomit to me so goodness know why I've tried to eat them.

Since actually vomitting the association is even stronger.... the mere smell is hard to handle.
 
2013-04-14 07:00:56 PM
Is there a recipe in that article? I didn't make it past the roasted peppers...
 
2013-04-14 07:04:27 PM
I thought I liked pimento cheese, until I didn't care enough to read a full annoying article about it.
 
2013-04-14 07:05:33 PM

Habitual Cynic: As a red-blooded 'Merican by birth, and a true Southerner by the grace of God, I found this piker's lack of style an affront to mankind generally, and Southerners, specifically.

A pimento-cheese sandwich is what you eat when there is nothing else in the 'frige.

There is nothing special about it.  Never has been,  Never will be.

It is simply red-speckled-cheese-spread on Wonder bread.  Anything else is pretentious.


Yup, pimento cheese sandwiches are what you take to the water park in a cooler to feed your kids at Myrtle Beach.  At least judging by my childhood.
 
2013-04-14 07:07:33 PM
Was this an article about a great southern delicacy or about the injustice this guy feels about the overwhelming success that can occur from homogenous business ethics?
 
2013-04-14 07:08:32 PM
It should probably be mentioned that homemade pimento cheese tastes nothing like the $2 tub of yellow mush you buy at the store.  But because of this article, no one will ever know this.
 
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