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(Canoe)   Serial masturbator to represent himself in court as it is his habit to handle his own business   (cnews.canoe.ca) divider line 47
    More: Dumbass, masturbators, Supreme Court of British Columbia, supreme court justices  
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3568 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Apr 2013 at 10:11 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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vpb [TotalFark]
2013-04-12 08:30:05 AM  
That guy needs to get a grip on himself.
 
2013-04-12 08:38:10 AM  
Wait...so if someone thinks you're hot enough to jerk off to, that isn't even a LITTLE flattering?
 
2013-04-12 08:50:28 AM  
cache.gawker.com
 
2013-04-12 09:28:16 AM  

Spad31: Wait...so if someone thinks you're hot enough to jerk off to, that isn't even a LITTLE flattering?


Not when they pull up beside you at an intersection.

/bus stops are ok
 
2013-04-12 09:45:15 AM  
So, Auto-erotic Representation, as it were.
 
2013-04-12 09:56:30 AM  
This is indeed sad. Familiar name stirs the memory. I met this guy back in 1977 or so. People tried to help him back then. Completely foolish to represent himself. As I recall, he was not too bright, which I guess is obvious. Some people just waste their lives.
/sorry for the downer
//please continue
 
2013-04-12 10:03:17 AM  
mojoimage.com
 
2013-04-12 10:14:59 AM  
sounds like a stroke of genius.
 
2013-04-12 10:15:34 AM  
Sir, please Do NOT place your hand on the bible.
 
2013-04-12 10:16:05 AM  
A lawyer that plays with himself has a tool for a client.
 
2013-04-12 10:17:41 AM  

Spad31: Wait...so if someone thinks you're hot enough to jerk off to, that isn't even a LITTLE flattering?


I'd like to think too, that if someone is performing for you in public that it takes some bravery so you at least owe them to watch until completion.
 
2013-04-12 10:18:00 AM  
www.bigideas.com
 
2013-04-12 10:18:54 AM  
Anyone who represents themselves in court has a fool fora client and a lawyer.
 
2013-04-12 10:18:54 AM  
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-04-12 10:19:46 AM  
But the judge said Kenneth Paul
May I say that I'm appalled
The facts of this case lie before me
(knock, knock, knock)
Case dismissed...
This boy was in his working clothes...

And with a swing of his hips
He started to strip
To tremendous guffaws
He took of his drawers

And with a lick of his lip
He stroked on the tip
Threw it all in the air
And everybody stared
 
2013-04-12 10:20:54 AM  
Friends, the Bible is a perfect book. Anything not specifically mentioned in it can be worked out using simple common sense and logic.

For example, masturbation. God was displeased enough with Onan for spilling his seed that He  slaughtered him (Genesis 38:9-10), but otherwise there are no explicit instructions for what to do with a masturbator, but there are implicit instructions.

It's simplest and most straightforward fact is that touching oneself for pleasure is a homosexual act, so it would seem that Leviticus 20:13 would cover that, but what does the scripture say?

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

It's clear here that the Lord is talking about an act of sodomy with another man, not an act of self-sodomy.

But when someone is defiling himself through a lonely act of self-pleasure, he isn't thinking of baseball or cars. He is thinking of someone who is getting him aroused! JESUS HIMSELF said "Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." (Matthew 5:28)

The LORD knows that such looks lead to sick pleasures, because immediately after he said, "And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell." (Matthew 5:29-30)

Cast into HELL! And He would have the courts of the land send you there quickly...

Leviticus 20:10 And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbor's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.
Both the man and the woman he has adulterous thoughts about shall surely be put to death (legally through a court of law)!

The facts couldn't be any more clear. We all know that masturbation, in addition to being a homosexual act, is an act of adultery and the Bible is clear on what the punishment for adultery should be. The punishment for masturbation should be death.

Case closed.

Friends, join with me in writing to your government representatives both state and federal and DEMAND that they FIX THE LAW so that masturbators are put on death row beside the murderers they are so clearly equal to!

Thank you in the name of our loving and forgiving Lord and God bless.
 
2013-04-12 10:21:14 AM  
As I stand in the shower singing opera and such
I believe the possibility that I pull the pud too much....
 
2013-04-12 10:25:11 AM  

MyKingdomForYourHorse: Spad31: Wait...so if someone thinks you're hot enough to jerk off to, that isn't even a LITTLE flattering?

I'd like to think too, that if someone is performing for you in public that it takes some bravery so you at least owe them to watch until completion.


it's also good manners to give a donation. street performers give their all for their art.
 
2013-04-12 10:28:53 AM  
Will the defendant stop masturbating and approach the bench?
 
2013-04-12 10:30:30 AM  
I CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
 
2013-04-12 10:31:20 AM  
Who isn't a serial masturbator?
 
2013-04-12 10:33:15 AM  
Hopefully, he'll get his release.
 
2013-04-12 10:38:21 AM  

miss diminutive: Spad31: Wait...so if someone thinks you're hot enough to jerk off to, that isn't even a LITTLE flattering?

Not when they pull up beside you at an intersection.

/bus stops are ok


this one, I like!
 
2013-04-12 10:39:01 AM  
Get ahold of of yourself.
 
2013-04-12 10:39:48 AM  
i14.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-12 10:56:00 AM  
www.anorak.co.uk
 
2013-04-12 10:56:28 AM  
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unclean_hands

/although his hands may be sparkling clean and baby soft
/or calloused and massively strong
 
2013-04-12 10:58:09 AM  

miss diminutive: Spad31: Wait...so if someone thinks you're hot enough to jerk off to, that isn't even a LITTLE flattering?

Not when they pull up beside you at an intersection.

/bus stops are ok


OK. Thanks, love. That was about to get awkward. Bus stops I can do. Intersections are too fast.

What if there's a bus stop at the intersection? Can I just go to town?

I've said too much.
 
2013-04-12 11:01:22 AM  

phrawgh: Friends, the Bible is a perfect book. Anything not specifically mentioned in it can be worked out using simple common sense and logic.


Ha. Checked your profile. Nice homily. Well done!
 
2013-04-12 11:02:22 AM  

browntimmy: Who isn't a serial masturbator?


Someone who masturbates several at one time. But that's not important now.
 
2013-04-12 11:02:43 AM  
I'm masturbating to your profile right now so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.
 
2013-04-12 11:05:08 AM  
He hopes the judge and prosecutor are female!
 
2013-04-12 11:28:29 AM  

browntimmy: Who isn't a serial masturbator?


This. I'm a serial masturbator ... I just don't do it in public.
 
2013-04-12 11:47:03 AM  
I have enough faith in this guys skills, that he will be able to get himself off in a court of law.
 
2013-04-12 11:49:19 AM  

browntimmy: Who isn't a serial masturbator?


I'm not....Okay, I am now.....................Now I'm not....Okay, wait.....wait..................Now I'm not.....
 
2013-04-12 11:50:07 AM  
It can be said he's decided to let the legal system leave him fapping in the wind
 
2013-04-12 11:52:39 AM  
This guy sounds like a real jerk off if you ask me.
 
2013-04-12 11:55:31 AM  
New rock band name "  followed in their cars by the masturbator"
 
2013-04-12 12:01:24 PM  
"Your honor, allow me to present my briefs, and then to expand on the contents of said briefs."
 
2013-04-12 12:02:05 PM  

browntimmy: Who isn't a serial masturbator?


You are correct, he plays first base.
 
2013-04-12 12:06:16 PM  
Do not judge this man until you've fapped in the open air under a clear blue sky with the cool wind of freedom wafting against your johnson.
 
2013-04-12 12:14:58 PM  

kid_icarus: Do not judge this man until you've fapped in the open air under a clear blue sky with the cool wind of freedom wafting against your johnson.


Hey, who hasn't been so overwhelmed by the beauty of nature that you had to rub one out?
 
2013-04-12 12:47:50 PM  
I accept that
 
2013-04-12 01:01:02 PM  
It's my penis...I can wash it as fast as I want.
 
2013-04-12 02:11:02 PM  
Well, it does seem like he's got the best chance of getting himself off.
 
2013-04-12 02:48:05 PM  
I didn't read the article, but I just wanted to drop in and tell Subby good luck with his day in court and we're all pulling for you...

/fap
 
2013-04-13 07:46:55 PM  
It's not easy to represent yourself, but I think this guy can hold his own.
 
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