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(Telegraph)   If you have to have a fake funeral to hear what your friends really think of you, you probably don't want to know   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 34
    More: Dumbass  
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5641 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Apr 2013 at 1:11 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-11 01:13:05 PM
aw... a "WAY cooler" trifecta was in play... it isn't anymore.
 
2013-04-11 01:13:32 PM
LOUDER AND SADDER
 
2013-04-11 01:14:09 PM
It's not often someone gets a business idea from The Golden Girls.
 
2013-04-11 01:16:39 PM
I'm going to start a service offering fake cremations. They're fake because they're unnecessary.

So you can hear your loved ones either wailing or laughing as your body goes up in coiling plumes of oily smoke.
 
2013-04-11 01:19:15 PM

I Said: It's not often someone gets a business idea from The Golden Girls.


Came here for Golden Girls! Leaving old and happy.
 
2013-04-11 01:25:55 PM
i gave it a whole 3 minutes trying to find a pic of Dan Fielding showing up to his funeral in Night Court.  Oh well, you can imagine that clever pic cuz i couldnt find it.
 
2013-04-11 01:28:00 PM
The shiatstorm at my funeral would be epic. The arguments would be worthy of an airhorn right in your ears.

/which is why I already have a will
//with funeral instructions
///some people are clearly not invited
 
2013-04-11 01:30:02 PM
I thought "Tom Sawyer" was banned in China.
 
2013-04-11 01:30:57 PM
images3.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2013-04-11 01:39:11 PM
Who has photographers at a funeral?  Or this just a Chinese thing?

Lots of dead people in my family, we have never hired a photographer.
 
2013-04-11 01:50:15 PM

GalFriday: Who has photographers at a funeral?  Or this just a Chinese thing?

Lots of dead people in my family, we have never hired a photographer.


Dated a girl whose family did this. Creepiest thing I've ever seen.

And I said not one word about it because I wanted to continue to get laid.
 
2013-04-11 01:53:08 PM

GalFriday: Who has photographers at a funeral?  Or this just a Chinese thing?

Lots of dead people in my family, we have never hired a photographer.


When photography was very new it was quite common to not just get a photo of the corpse, but to pose it with living family members.
 
2013-04-11 01:55:16 PM

GalFriday: Lots of dead people in my family, we have never hired a photographer.


Hmm. I've never had a single dead person in my entire family, so I don't know.
 
2013-04-11 01:58:55 PM

xxmedium: GalFriday: Who has photographers at a funeral?  Or this just a Chinese thing?

Lots of dead people in my family, we have never hired a photographer.

Dated a girl whose family did this. Creepiest thing I've ever seen.

And I said not one word about it because I wanted to continue to get laid.


Smart move!

miniflea: GalFriday: Who has photographers at a funeral?  Or this just a Chinese thing?

Lots of dead people in my family, we have never hired a photographer.

When photography was very new it was quite common to not just get a photo of the corpse, but to pose it with living family members.


I did not know that.

FarkingReading: GalFriday: Lots of dead people in my family, we have never hired a photographer.

Hmm. I've never had a single dead person in my entire family, so I don't know.


Good for you.
 
2013-04-11 01:59:01 PM

miniflea: LOUDER AND SADDER

NEXT!

The Flexecutioner: i gave it a whole 3 minutes trying to find a pic of Dan Fielding showing up to his funeral in Night Court.  Oh well, you can imagine that clever pic cuz i couldnt find it.


Ah, Dan Dan Fielding!
 
2013-04-11 02:05:00 PM
Well, there goes tuesday.
 
2013-04-11 02:44:43 PM

miniflea: GalFriday: Who has photographers at a funeral?  Or this just a Chinese thing?

Lots of dead people in my family, we have never hired a photographer.

When photography was very new it was quite common to not just get a photo of the corpse, but to pose it with living family members.



CSB: A few years ago I got together with my sister and we ended up looking at this picture of us. We were well-dressed and smiling and we started to try and remember when it was taken. After noodling on it for a while we realized it was at the "after party" for one of our grandfather's funeral. I think we were both a bit appalled at how happy we looked in the photograph.
 
2013-04-11 03:34:33 PM

FarkingReading: GalFriday: Lots of dead people in my family, we have never hired a photographer.

Hmm. I've never had a single dead person in my entire family, so I don't know.


You're from a family of immortals? Like demi-gods or demons? Cool!
 
2013-04-11 03:36:11 PM

GalFriday: Who has photographers at a funeral?  Or this just a Chinese thing?

Lots of dead people in my family, we have never hired a photographer.


My crazy Aunt had my Uncles funeral videotaped.
 
2013-04-11 03:46:25 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_MqeVOmTsY
"...and then we'd have my real funeral!"
"Are you an idiot?"
"No sir, I'm a dreamer."
 
2013-04-11 03:50:10 PM

BATMANATEE: FarkingReading: GalFriday: Lots of dead people in my family, we have never hired a photographer.

Hmm. I've never had a single dead person in my entire family, so I don't know.

You're from a family of immortals? Like demi-gods or demons? Cool!


I've said too much.
 
2013-04-11 03:55:11 PM

I Said: It's not often someone gets a business idea from The Golden Girls.




I think Fantasy Island did it too.
 
2013-04-11 04:01:45 PM
If you want to know what your friends really think, just get em drunk or high like everyone else does.
 
2013-04-11 04:08:15 PM

mutterfark: I Said: It's not often someone gets a business idea from The Golden Girls.

I think Fantasy Island did it too.


And the movie Get Low.
 
2013-04-11 05:21:45 PM

I Said: It's not often someone gets a business idea from The Golden Girls.


Wasn't it both Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn who got to go to theirs?

/Old like Mark Twain.
 
2013-04-11 05:32:31 PM
That's bullshiat. When people die, suddenly they're all saints. Suddenly, the most amazing biatch becomes the "sweetest girl" who had "such hopes and dreams" and "loved children" or "always lent a helping hand". The most horrible bastard can die and become "A nice guy" who "loved his family" and "always had good intentions" and everybody says he had "a heart of gold under that exterior."

Or some shiat like that.

I remember when a friend of mine died in high school. He was a real sonuvabiatch. Anyone who knew him knew he was a selfish prat who had mental problems. Still, his friends put up with his asshole behavior because we hoped he'd grow out of it some day. Instead, he shot himself in the head.

Now, this guy was one of the punks. The preppies hated his guts, bullied him, teased him, and generally treated him like foot fungus... Until he died. Suddenly, they were ALL close to him. They all started telling people what a sweet, wonderful, caring guy he was. They conveniently forgot how much they loathed him, and were all immediately promoted to being his dear friends the day he died.

When the funeral came, those of us who knew him didn't go. We knew the entire thing was a sham that showed no respect for anything he ever believed in. All the beautiful people showed up, of course. So did a news crew, and you can bet the popular people were first in line to stand in front of the camera and talk about what a good friend he was, and how he "brightened everyone's lives", and how they just couldn't believe he was dead.

Hindsight is 20/20. I wish I had gone to the funeral, just so I could stand up and say, "I really  was this guy's friend-- As much as he would allow people to be his friends, anyway-- And it would be an insult to him and all he stood for if I didn't tell you all:  You're lying goddamned hypocrites. He hated most of you. He spent years taking shiat from you, and he never once considered you dayglo motherfarkers his friends... Not that you ever tried to be, anyway. You, Tiffany, sitting there crying your eyes out over this guy when you were the biatch that put Tim and Jake up to beating the shiat out of him for having the nerve to flirt with you--- Ironically, I might add, because you were  not his type-- in gym class. And you, Becky, telling the reporter what a good friend he was after spending your lunch period  just last week  telling your little clique what a loser he was. And you, John, acting like he was your buddy when you knocked his books out of his hands every other day and, along with your little posse of football buddies, robbed him of his lunch money at least three times in the last year."

"He hated you, and you hated him, and he would be the first to admit that he was an antisocial, unlikable son of a biatch who disliked people in general. Being dead doesn't automatically make him a nicer guy, or erase your bullshiat treatment of him. It just makes it easier for you all to lie about it."

"So on behalf of my dead friend,  f♥ck you all."


Of course, good taste prevented me from doing anything like that. And as I said, anyone who really knew him wouldn't insult his memory by going to a funeral where they played Christian hymns and delivered sermons about his relationship with God, because we all knew he hated God, hated his parents and their oppressive religious crap, and wouldn't want to be buried in a stupid-looking suit, with a wig covering his mohawk, while surrounded by the "preppy f♥cks" who made his life even more miserable than it already was.

So we skipped school, listened to cool music, and talked about him and about what assholes our classmates were. A couple of us (not me) got drunk in his memory. I made out with his ex-girlfriend.

He would have wanted it that way, the bastard.
 
2013-04-11 05:36:51 PM
Not impressed:
img176.imagevenue.com
 
2013-04-11 06:02:28 PM
www.slantmagazine.com
 
2013-04-11 06:30:24 PM

FarkingReading: GalFriday: Lots of dead people in my family, we have never hired a photographer.

Hmm. I've never had a single dead person in my entire family, so I don't know.


You sound 11 years old or have a different definition of family than I do

Jument: miniflea: GalFriday: Who has photographers at a funeral?  Or this just a Chinese thing?

Lots of dead people in my family, we have never hired a photographer.

When photography was very new it was quite common to not just get a photo of the corpse, but to pose it with living family members.


CSB: A few years ago I got together with my sister and we ended up looking at this picture of us. We were well-dressed and smiling and we started to try and remember when it was taken. After noodling on it for a while we realized it was at the "after party" for one of our grandfather's funeral. I think we were both a bit appalled at how happy we looked in the photograph.


Getting together with your sister is not CSB material :)

Did they make it at least realistic and loot the body of all jewelry?
 
2013-04-11 07:13:11 PM

Madame Psychosis: [www.slantmagazine.com image 602x330]


Came here for this
 
2013-04-11 07:44:51 PM
"I know it ain't right, but I decided I have ta.  Us poets paint life but don't get recognized til afta.  So I faked my own death just to see what would happen, I take shallow breaths and wait for people's reactions." - Sage Francis
 
2013-04-11 08:33:25 PM

sumupid: "I know it ain't right, but I decided I have ta.  Us poets paint life but don't get recognized til afta.  So I faked my own death just to see what would happen, I take shallow breaths and wait for people's reactions." - Sage Francis


nice.  i dig that dude.  good to see someone else diggin it too.
 
2013-04-12 12:57:31 AM
For some strange reason, when I first saw the headline I thought this was going to be about Margaret Thatcher.
 
2013-04-12 07:33:02 PM
There's a old Jewish story about a rich man.  He is the world's biggest bastard, cheats his customers, cheats on his wife, beats his kids and worse.  So when he dies, his brother, another real bargain (as my mom would say), goes to the rabbi and says "I will make a large donation to the temple, if you say my brother was a mensch (a good man)."
The Rabbi thinks , and then says "OK, I'll do it."
At the funeral, he recounts all the horrible things the man has done.  And concludes by saying "...but compared to his brother, he was a mensch."
 
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