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(Slate)   "Dear Prudence, my wife has started taking antidepressants, and since then she has been cheerful and optimistic. I hate it"   (slate.com) divider line 55
    More: Fail, Emily Yoffe, dark humor, advice column, Paxil  
•       •       •

16408 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Apr 2013 at 2:56 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-04-11 03:10:09 PM  
15 votes:
www.knowmemes.com
2013-04-11 03:04:44 PM  
8 votes:
25.media.tumblr.com
/Oblig
2013-04-11 03:11:21 PM  
6 votes:
Dear Prudence,

My bipolar husband decided to get on medications to try and help stabilize him. That's great for him and all but I have daddy issues and am feeling very bored and decently about myself now that he is not constantly berating me over the smallest issue. Sometimes his anger comes through and I can feel the waves of anxiety washing over me like a warm and dark blanket; but then he catches himself and actually apologizes for his behavior. Now that I don't have someone watching my every move waiting me to fark up I am feeling lonely and appreciated. Please help!

Signed, Crazy biatch
2013-04-11 03:03:50 PM  
6 votes:
1.bp.blogspot.com
2013-04-11 01:10:34 PM  
6 votes:
did she become a woo-girl?


img843.imageshack.us

I had a friend on anti depressants and she bitached that it killed her sex drive. I told her "Honey if we found a pill that made women happy and horny we reclass it to a vitamin and introduce it into the ground water."
2013-04-11 04:03:06 PM  
4 votes:

gweilo8888: Dear Prudence: My favorite time-wasting website has started taking kickbacks from Slate to run endless links to Dear Prudence columns that are largely fictitious letters written by Slate's staff, so that  a fictitious person called Prudence can write fictitious answers pretending to provide advice while merely bulking out the column inches to fit some more ads in. I hate it.


Dear gweilo8888,

Gosh, that sounds awful! I find that when I'm feeling down about things like this, I like to visit a little website called BUZZFEED™. Whenever I go to BUZZFEED™, I find the latest trends on the internet, distilled into simple, easy-to-understand BUZZFEED™ slideshows. It's great, because not only do you get the latest content from other websites with BUZZFEED™ captions added onto it, you also get to hear that delightful clicking noise your mouse makes, again and again!

Just make sure to visit all of the BUZZFEED™ links on Fark. You won't miss them, because there's a lot of them!

Sincerely,

Drew

P.S. BUZZFEED™
2013-04-11 03:47:46 PM  
4 votes:

CapeFearCadaver: Dear Prudence,

My bipolar husband decided to get on medications to try and help stabilize him. That's great for him and all but I have daddy issues and am feeling very bored and decently about myself now that he is not constantly berating me over the smallest issue. Sometimes his anger comes through and I can feel the waves of anxiety washing over me like a warm and dark blanket; but then he catches himself and actually apologizes for his behavior. Now that I don't have someone watching my every move waiting me to fark up I am feeling lonely and appreciated. Please help!

Signed, Crazy biatch


Dear C B:

I can't tell you what you should do, but I can tell you what you are going to do. You are going to go out and find another tatted up bipolar lunatic who resembles your husband when he goes off his meds, you are going to bang him for six months behind your husbands back before surprising your husband with divorce papers (he doesn't notice as much now that he's not up in your business 24-7). Then you are going to move in with the new guy and have a joyously abusive time for about three months before calling your ex to come rescue you. By this time he will have gone off his meds and started using drugs again. He won't even be able to rescue himself, much less you.

-Prudence
2013-04-11 03:08:47 PM  
4 votes:
I had a psychology profess who quit marriage counseling after a certain client...

He told a married woman with an unsatisfactory sex life to buy a vibrator. BIG MISTAKE (for the husband).

She found herself (often several times a day), grew a pair and told the husband to get the fark out of her life.

The husband told the counselor "thanks a bunch", agreed to a divorce and was never heard from again. The woman decided she didn't need therapy anymore either.
2013-04-11 05:17:17 PM  
3 votes:
24.media.tumblr.com
2013-04-11 04:16:17 PM  
3 votes:

gweilo8888: Dear Prudence: My favorite time-wasting website has started taking kickbacks from Slate to run endless links to Dear Prudence columns that are largely fictitious letters written by Slate's staff, so that  a fictitious person called Prudence can write fictitious answers pretending to provide advice while merely bulking out the column inches to fit some more ads in. I hate it.


Gosh, that does sound annoying! Have you ever thought of switching to another time-wasting website, such as Reddit, Jezebel, io9, or Yahoo Answers? I find that most time-wasting websites are just the same stories that have been passed around the Internet like your mom at one of your father's lodge meetings. By the time they get to the sites above, they're already a bit ragged and overexposed, anyway. I doubt your favorite time-wasting website is terribly different from any others, and so the net result would be that you succeed in wasting your time and you get caught up on the absolutely useless information that passes for news, entertainment, and conversation in our modern society.

If you're really sick of it, though, you could always try to aid in creating a big-time comeback for YTMND or eBaum's World, or alternately, you could stick a dildo up your ass and log in to 4chan.

- Prudence
2013-04-11 03:51:36 PM  
3 votes:
Dear Prudence: My favorite time-wasting website has started taking kickbacks from Slate to run endless links to Dear Prudence columns that are largely fictitious letters written by Slate's staff, so that  a fictitious person called Prudence can write fictitious answers pretending to provide advice while merely bulking out the column inches to fit some more ads in. I hate it.
2013-04-11 03:44:15 PM  
3 votes:
Did you see that Grumpy Cat recently had a birthday?

cdn.grumpycats.com

Or that she recently met Anderson Cooper?

lh4.googleusercontent.com
2013-04-11 03:01:09 PM  
3 votes:
This is a cover. He's actually unhappy that the anti-depressants froze her loins in a block of ice.
2013-04-11 05:37:34 PM  
2 votes:
Dear Prudence

I am the one insufferable asshat out there that actually pays attention to his wife, her interests and her personality. Now that shes all happy, I am forced to take a look inside myself and realized I am a miserable prick. How do I force my wife back into a steel cage of depression so I feel good about myself?

Sincerely,
ClosetGay
2013-04-11 03:59:53 PM  
2 votes:
That was suppsed to be transexual Asian dwarves.... But you probably figured that out on your own.
2013-04-11 03:53:38 PM  
2 votes:
I starting taking Zoloft when my lack of getting laid started meaning I was coming home angry and mean just about every day.  It worked great for me.  My wife still doesn't put out, but I don't give much of a shiat about it anymore.
2013-04-11 03:36:38 PM  
2 votes:

Bruxellensis: Beware if your wife/gf/mistress starts to take antidepressants or anti anxiety pills.  They will lose about half of their libido.

Better mood, less sex.

screw you, laws of inverse proportions


Less sex with you, better mood.  Is it really the pills?
2013-04-11 03:27:27 PM  
2 votes:

Lord Dimwit: My wife and I had a conversation/thought experiment about this.

First question: Say I was only nice to be around when I was drinking alcohol. I went to a doctor and he monitored my liver functions and enzymes and agreed that I was under less stress and a nicer person to be around when I had three or four beers a day. I don't drive or operate heavy machinery, and my work output is better or at least unaffected. Question: Is that okay, or not? If not, how is it fundamentally different from being on psychoactive drugs? What if instead of alcohol, I were a functional drug addict on something harsher than alcohol?

Second question: How much are you allowed to alter yourself chemically before one could say that you are no longer "you"? This is a philosophical question, not a moral or ethical one.
If physical monism is true, then the answer is "as much as you want" because all you are is a bag of walking chemicals.
If (certain forms of) dualism is true, then the answer is tougher - at what point are your actions/thoughts/beliefs so fundamentally different from those that your mind would have otherwise created that your inner mind and your outer expression are no longer meaningfully linked?

One of the reasons why I love my wife is because we have conversations like this. In her opinion, the answer to he first question is that as long as you're not harming yourself or others then it's fine (she's a pragmatist). Her answer to the second question is that it's meaningless because physicalism is true.

In my opinion, my answer to the first question is that it's objectively "better" to attempt to deal with whatever issues "on your own" and actually become a different or better person without needing constant modification, though I agreed it may not be possible (I'm an idealist). My answer to the second question was that it's impossible to answer, but not meaningless because (some form of) dualism is true.


So in other words you convinced your wife to let you stay buzzed all the time by using a philosophical argument?

High five!
2013-04-11 03:25:06 PM  
2 votes:
Dear Abby, Dear Abby,

My wife takes a pill,
She's so farkin' happy it's making me ill.
It was better before when she was just sad,
This eternal sunshine just makes me feel bad.

Sign me, Pessimistic.
2013-04-11 03:23:29 PM  
2 votes:

DirtyDeadGhostofEbenezerCooke: HotWingConspiracy: You're supposed to be sad after a funeral, you don't need pills.

What if you aren't sad...don't you need sad pills?


You've got a future in pharmaceutical sales, kid.
2013-04-11 03:10:26 PM  
2 votes:
I didn't know my ex got married.
2013-04-11 11:48:16 PM  
1 votes:

Ghastly: uttertosh: Ghastly: J. Frank Parnell: Ok, these have to be made up. Anti-depressants don't make people happy and optimistic. They remove the lows and the highs.

When I was put on Paxil I had this desperate need to be seen as "fixed" which made me crank up the "look how happy I am" routine. Which eventually lead to "the only way this shiat is going to work is if I take the whole bottle at once". Which lead to a few months stay in a mental hospital while they tried to figure out what is wrong with me.

It could be her "happy happy, joy joy" mood is just an act to reassure everyone around her she is "fixed" now.

In which case watch out because you can only keep that routine up for so long and when it falls it falls hard.

I haz a sad for you. Any way I can encourage you to post that pic of you in a steampunk
kilt, hands on hips, giving the 1000 yard stare? That's some serious SSRI for me!

(totally fancy you in that shot, btw)

[sphotos-e.ak.fbcdn.net image 705x960]

God dammit! Even the dwarf Asian trannies playing hide and seek under my kilt can't get me off thanks to this damned Paxil!


fapitty fa fap. TYVM

/wallpaered, you total hottie, you.

eip, btw
2013-04-11 11:37:53 PM  
1 votes:
www.fugly.com
2013-04-11 11:33:08 PM  
1 votes:
i.imgur.com
2013-04-11 11:19:57 PM  
1 votes:

OniNeko: Ghastly: That was suppsed to be transexual Asian dwarves.... But you probably figured that out on your own.

Unrelated to the post I'm replying to: Do you like fan mail? Because I'm a fan.

I'm so glad you're updating your comic again. :)


I do indeed like fan mail. I haven't been updating the comic too regularly though, its very sporadic.
2013-04-11 09:32:47 PM  
1 votes:

highwayrun: Imagine a movie that starts with a guy saying "Hi! I'm Bob, this is Krystle, say hi, and Alexis, say hi, and we're here in a rented ski chalet to express our loving feelings for each other in a special way." No "plot", usually no music, and the special way tends to be quite rough and demeaning.

Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuust riiiiiiiiight. Ohhhhhhhh yeeeaaaaahh.

Fixed for some.
2013-04-11 07:56:36 PM  
1 votes:

The Stealth Hippopotamus: did she become a woo-girl?




I had a friend on anti depressants and she bitached that it killed her sex drive. I told her "Honey if we found a pill that made women happy and horny we reclass it to a vitamin and introduce it into the ground water."


Wellbutrin aka the happy/horny/skinny pill.

I was on a combo of that and Pristiq but always felt muted. I was taken off the Pristiq and since being on Wellbutrin I fart rainbows, actually function, have lost 20lbs and actually want sex instead of tolerating it.

I also had a nasty habit of smoking when I drank alcohol and that stopped too- it makes me ill. Turns out, it's also a smoking cessation drug.

Not a woo girl though.

/WOO!!!
2013-04-11 07:47:37 PM  
1 votes:

DROxINxTHExWIND: From the article just below:
My husband and I are both politically liberal, support public radio, donate to the ACLU, and both have gay and lesbian friends. He thinks it's funny, however, to adopt a stereotypical gay lisp from time to time when telling a story or a joke.


LOL. The article just below is always funnier.


I was left wondering if they also drive a Prius and shop at Whole Foods because this is equally relevant to whether the husband's faux-lisp is offensive or not.
2013-04-11 06:03:11 PM  
1 votes:
When you take Paxil your soul leaves your body and floats aimlessly over the Earth until the demon possessing your body decides to stop taking Paxil. (This woman is proof.)
2013-04-11 05:45:17 PM  
1 votes:
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com

It's just... you're not as interesting to be around since you turned your back on the Dark Side.

I'm not saying I LIKED the Dark Side, but you just don't DO anything now.

I understand that you don't have anybody to hang out with because you MURDERED all the good Jedi as children and you're still the most hated man in 200 star systems and all, but you've gotta pick up a hobby other than gardening and watching TV.

And another thing... you were at least a snappy dresser back then.  The suit's just not the same when made of anodized aluminum and blue nylon webbing.  The REI-sporting-goods-look isn't "working", and your old self would have caught that...
2013-04-11 05:16:19 PM  
1 votes:

dopekitty74: /paradoxical!




women
2013-04-11 04:54:08 PM  
1 votes:
What kind of pill can I give my wife so she will stop putting her drink next to the laptop, resulting in the eventual drink spilled on the keyboard and two laptops fried?

/besides the blue lead pill.
2013-04-11 04:46:28 PM  
1 votes:
I (or someone I know) once took (insert medication name) and it made me (feel better/feel worse/feel exactly the same/hallucinate/experience side effects listed on the label/experience side effects not listed on the label) therefore (everyone/no one) should take (insert medication name).

Did I manage to sum up 98% of this thread?
2013-04-11 04:41:23 PM  
1 votes:
SuperNinjaToad:  what's gonzo porn? and no I can't google that right now.

userserve-ak.last.fm
2013-04-11 04:40:56 PM  
1 votes:

Cagey B: gweilo8888: Dear Prudence: My favorite time-wasting website has started taking kickbacks from Slate to run endless links to Dear Prudence columns that are largely fictitious letters written by Slate's staff, so that  a fictitious person called Prudence can write fictitious answers pretending to provide advice while merely bulking out the column inches to fit some more ads in. I hate it.

Dear gweilo8888,

Gosh, that sounds awful! I find that when I'm feeling down about things like this, I like to visit a little website called BUZZFEED™. Whenever I go to BUZZFEED™, I find the latest trends on the internet, distilled into simple, easy-to-understand BUZZFEED™ slideshows. It's great, because not only do you get the latest content from other websites with BUZZFEED™ captions added onto it, you also get to hear that delightful clicking noise your mouse makes, again and again!

Just make sure to visit all of the BUZZFEED™ links on Fark. You won't miss them, because there's a lot of them!

Sincerely,

Drew

P.S. BUZZFEED™


^If only I could like this about 1,000 times, I would.
2013-04-11 04:28:28 PM  
1 votes:

uttertosh: meanmutton: that was my nickname in highschool: but seriously, who pays for pr0n?

People who like porn but not the gonzo style that makes up the vast majority of free porn?

payed supermodel porn for those whose lifestyles make them as ripped as the male actors. Gonzo for the rest of us slobs.

There's a market for every fetish imaginable. Fat, hairy blokes pounding their evening's 'doggybag' form their bar is much more realistic, thus having a greater appeal to the masses. unachievable goddesses shot in artsy HD? Most guys out there are 'meh' about paying the 50$ a month to see prepubescent (shavenhaven) girls doing things in an overproduced fashion isn't that 'hot', unless you've never had sex (with anything other than you hand). There's a glut in the market for this kind of gonzo, (easier, cheaper to shoot) Mainstream porn companies (looking at you Vivid Video) are all about DVD sales. It's an outmoded concept.

/porn-addict-rant

/POV gonzo FTW


what's gonzo porn? and no I can't google that right now.
2013-04-11 04:13:49 PM  
1 votes:

uttertosh: Ghastly: The other annoying side effect of Paxil besides the super suicidal thoughts part was it made me hyper horny but completely unable to orgasm. Didn't matter how many transexual Asian swathed choked me while I masturbated with a dead chicken. I still couldn't cum.

pics. eip.


Hell, I already finished.
2013-04-11 04:09:44 PM  
1 votes:

Ghastly: The other annoying side effect of Paxil besides the super suicidal thoughts part was it made me hyper horny but completely unable to orgasm. Didn't matter how many transexual Asian swathed choked me while I masturbated with a dead chicken. I still couldn't cum.


pics. eip.
2013-04-11 04:03:51 PM  
1 votes:
I like that she told the last girl, who hates her life, to move to Baltimore.

Lulz!
2013-04-11 04:03:07 PM  
1 votes:

gweilo8888: Dear Prudence: My favorite time-wasting website has started taking kickbacks from Slate to run endless links to Dear Prudence columns that are largely fictitious letters written by Slate's staff, so that  a fictitious person called Prudence can write fictitious answers pretending to provide advice while merely bulking out the column inches to fit some more ads in. I hate it.


encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
2013-04-11 03:58:34 PM  
1 votes:
The other annoying side effect of Paxil besides the super suicidal thoughts part was it made me hyper horny but completely unable to orgasm. Didn't matter how many transexual Asian swathed choked me while I masturbated with a dead chicken. I still couldn't cum.
2013-04-11 03:47:45 PM  
1 votes:

Ghastly: J. Frank Parnell: Ok, these have to be made up. Anti-depressants don't make people happy and optimistic. They remove the lows and the highs.

When I was put on Paxil I had this desperate need to be seen as "fixed" which made me crank up the "look how happy I am" routine. Which eventually lead to "the only way this shiat is going to work is if I take the whole bottle at once". Which lead to a few months stay in a mental hospital while they tried to figure out what is wrong with me.

It could be her "happy happy, joy joy" mood is just an act to reassure everyone around her she is "fixed" now.

In which case watch out because you can only keep that routine up for so long and when it falls it falls hard.


I haz a sad for you. Any way I can encourage you to post that pic of you in a steampunk
kilt, hands on hips, giving the 1000 yard stare? That's some serious SSRI for me!

(totally fancy you in that shot, btw)
2013-04-11 03:46:26 PM  
1 votes:

barc0001: I'm not seeing why this was a failure.  Being a marriage counselor means fixing things by highlighting problems.  Sometimes that problem is there is fundamental incompatibility and the prudent thing is to not be together any more.  Sounds like that's what happened here.  Mission accomplished!



Goddamn right.  My mom's marriage counselor told her to ditch her last husband.  Good advice, too.  Turns out the local transvestite escort service refused to service him anymore because it his poor manners with the ladies.  I guess that made him a little jumpy around the house, and his pr0n habit went from three figures per year to four.

/but seriously, who pays for pr0n?
2013-04-11 03:42:11 PM  
1 votes:

ohdoublereally: J. Frank Parnell: Ok, these have to be made up. Anti-depressants don't make people happy and optimistic. They remove the lows and the highs.

And make you want to vote for democrats.


You got lost on your way to the politics tab.
2013-04-11 03:32:33 PM  
1 votes:

J. Frank Parnell: Ok, these have to be made up. Anti-depressants don't make people happy and optimistic. They remove the lows and the highs.


And make you want to vote for democrats.
2013-04-11 03:31:03 PM  
1 votes:
I was married to a suicidal cutter. One day she carved words into the bottom of her feet because "God was out to get her." She eventually got better, more through therapy than medication. Once she was healthy she dumped me because my very presence reminded her of when she was sick. What a FUN twenty years that was! I got two great kids out of it or it would have been a total waste of time.
2013-04-11 03:26:44 PM  
1 votes:
They should bring back Laudlam for housewives.
2013-04-11 03:20:47 PM  
1 votes:

HotWingConspiracy: You're supposed to be sad after a funeral, you don't need pills.


What if you aren't sad...don't you need sad pills?
2013-04-11 03:18:07 PM  
1 votes:

J. Frank Parnell: Ok, these have to be made up. Anti-depressants don't make people happy and optimistic. They remove the lows and the highs.


I've been depressed for years. I don't have "highs". I have rare periods of "not low" when I distract myself with something or other. If you have highs and lows you're probably more bipolar--as opposed to just depressed.

No, I have no degrees in medicine. Feel free to tell me how I don't know what I'm talking about, then sit on your thumb.
2013-04-11 03:16:11 PM  
1 votes:

God-is-a-Taco: These fake letters are getting worse and worse, Prudence.


Real letters wouldn't get any clicks.

I also love it when I open Parade magazine on Sunday and read that people have sent them "letters" asking inane questions that could have been answered in seconds with Google.
2013-04-11 03:15:13 PM  
1 votes:
When I started therapy & antidepressants Mrs. Anomaly said she hoped it didn't change my personality. I reminded her that was the entire point.

Since (it's been several years) she's been happy with the changes (mostly consisting of my ability to talk rationally about future plans instead of assuming that any day now, all of us will be trapped in inescapable poverty).
2013-04-11 03:10:31 PM  
1 votes:
My wife and I had a conversation/thought experiment about this.

First question: Say I was only nice to be around when I was drinking alcohol. I went to a doctor and he monitored my liver functions and enzymes and agreed that I was under less stress and a nicer person to be around when I had three or four beers a day. I don't drive or operate heavy machinery, and my work output is better or at least unaffected. Question: Is that okay, or not? If not, how is it fundamentally different from being on psychoactive drugs? What if instead of alcohol, I were a functional drug addict on something harsher than alcohol?

Second question: How much are you allowed to alter yourself chemically before one could say that you are no longer "you"? This is a philosophical question, not a moral or ethical one.
If physical monism is true, then the answer is "as much as you want" because all you are is a bag of walking chemicals.
If (certain forms of) dualism is true, then the answer is tougher - at what point are your actions/thoughts/beliefs so fundamentally different from those that your mind would have otherwise created that your inner mind and your outer expression are no longer meaningfully linked?

One of the reasons why I love my wife is because we have conversations like this. In her opinion, the answer to he first question is that as long as you're not harming yourself or others then it's fine (she's a pragmatist). Her answer to the second question is that it's meaningless because physicalism is true.

In my opinion, my answer to the first question is that it's objectively "better" to attempt to deal with whatever issues "on your own" and actually become a different or better person without needing constant modification, though I agreed it may not be possible (I'm an idealist). My answer to the second question was that it's impossible to answer, but not meaningless because (some form of) dualism is true.
2013-04-11 03:10:07 PM  
1 votes:
If you're going to run fake advice columns, at least dial it up a bit to include werewolves and satanic day care centers.
2013-04-11 02:59:30 PM  
1 votes:
Came here for the grumpy cats.  I'll be back later.
2013-04-11 02:57:46 PM  
1 votes:
This shall be a Grumpy Cat thread.

/love that kitteh
 
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